It doesn’t take much to make me happy.

This week Victor took me to a shop to find a lamp for the bedroom but they were all too expensive.  Like, they had an $8,000 crystal chandelier in the shape of a leaping, life-sized, cavorting pony.  True story.  I wanted to take a picture but Victor thought it would be too weird for me to say, “Hey, can I take a picture of your shiny pony?” so instead I stayed quiet until about 10 seconds later when I saw an enormous bear’s head on the wall and I screamed ,”HOLY SHIT THERE’S A BEAR” and then I think probably Victor realized that he just can’t take me out in public in general.

Several clerks (and shoppers) looked up in a rather annoyed way, which is sort of rude because 1) if there really was a bear in the shop they would probably be grateful for my warning and 2) THERE REALLY WAS A BEAR IN THE STORE.  Victor pointed out that it was just the head of a bear, but I countered that the head was technically the most dangerous part of the bear and then he argued that bear paws are just as painful, but I pointed out that no part of the bear is deadly if his head has come off, and then we just agreed to disagree because we were attracting more attention.

Then a salesman came over and I was all, “HOW MUCH IS IT FOR THE BEAR?” but I was trying not to sound too eager because even though the head was dusty and mostly shoved behind a vent it was still pretty bad-ass and I didn’t want to let them know that I was too interested because that’s how they get you. The saleman looked confused for a second and then laughed awkwardly, and then said “Oh.  You’re serious” and was like, “I am deadly serious, sir” and he said he’d ask his manager.

The manager came over to make sure that I wasn’t just fucking with him and I said, “Before we go any further, I just want to point out that this bear is literally 75% off.  I mean, unless you have the body of the headless bear in the back, in which case I might be interested in purchasing it too” and then he wandered off in a bit of a daze.  Victor shook his head and rolled his eyes toward the ceiling, but in his defense it’s possible it was because he was looking at the pony chandelier because that shit was fucking dazzling.  Then the salesman came back saying, “We would be so…so thrilled to let you have it for $75″ and I shouted “SOLD!” and then I was a little offended on Beartrums behalf because why were they so happy to get rid of him?  Clearly I was saving him from people who did not appreciate him and probably didn’t even realize his name was Beartrum.  This was a damn rescue.  Plus, when they climbed up on the ladder to get him down I realized that Beartrum’s head was three times the size of a normal bears and the whole thing was made of fiberglass and fake fur so no one even had to die to make him, unless it was a lot of stuffed animals from a scarlet fever ward, which would explain why they were in such a hurry to get rid of him.   Then they really quickly wrapped him up because I think they just wanted us to leave.  This is exactly why I often get really good service and also why I recommend not taking your medication during days when you have to buy a car or a bedroom set.

Victor drug the giant box of bear to the car while muttering that I was unstable, and I agreed with him, but I don’t think you have to be crazy to realize that paying 2 bucks per pound of bad-ass bear is a goddamn bargain.  I tried to go online to find a similar bear head to prove that I’d made a fantastic buy, but when I searched “Big Bear Head” it gave me a San Diego craigslist ad entitled “Big Bear needs some quick head now” and then I just decided to never go on the internet again.

I got Beartrum Higglebottom home (“Beartrum” was just a given and I think “Higglebottom” is nice because it sort of implies that his non-existent bottom had once been wiggly and positive) and I decided to take some of those fancy unwrapping picture sets like you see on sophisticated techy blogs, but when I downloaded the first one I noticed that Ferris Mewler was doing something weird in the back.

I don't... Wait. Is he doing yoga? Is that the Sun Salutation?

And so then I was like “Enhance….Enhance….Enhance” until finally it was big enough that I could see that Ferris was hiding his head in his genitals.  Or something.  I’m not sure.  All I know is that he’s way more flexible than I am and he seems to be showing off.  Victor says he’s probably just hiding his head in shame so that other neighborhood cats won’t recognize him on my blog and make fun of him.  I can’t but help to think that this is not going to help his case:

You're only hurting yourself, Ferris.

Then I opened the box a little more and you could see Beartrum’s enormous smile, as if he was saying, “YOU ARE MY VERY BEST FRIEND EVER AND NOTHING WILL EVER TEAR US APART.”

That bear was totally fucking right.

Then I asked Victor to walk around holding Beartrum up at various places in my office so that I could figure out the best place to hang him, but I was actually just taking pictures of Victor wearing a bear and then he heard me giggling and was all “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?  ARE YOU RECORDING THIS?

I totally was.

Then he put Beartrum down and walked away muttering under his breath.  I figured I needed to even the score for the sake of my marriage so I yelled at Victor to come to the front yard and when he got there I was wearing Beartrum’s face and singing “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic” in a deep, creepy, slow-motion voice on the yard.

It's like if a bear was doing dub-step. In a dress. On the yard.

That’s when Hailey’s school bus pulled up and I waved at her, and the bus driver seemed sort of disturbed, but probably only because I looked so realistic that she wasn’t sure if it was safe to leave Hailey there with me.  Victor agreed, but not for actual bear-related reasons.  Hailey, however, thought Beartrum was totally bad-ass, and that’s when I decided that from now on I’d only hang out with eight-year-olds, because they still understand the whimsical joy of silliness, and they’re too young to call the authorities on you.

Victor, on the other hand, demanded that I get in the house and stop waving at our neighbors because “WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO THINK?” and I immediately dismissed him, but then I thought, “Oh my God, they probably think we’re furries.”  Then I started to explain what a furry was to Victor and he was like, “STOP TALKING ALREADY” because apparently education is not important to him.

Then Victor told me to put Beartrum away, but I told him I needed a few days to figure out where he fit best.

There were more options than you'd expect.

Victor:  NO.  Just…no.

me:  But he looks so happy.  And it’s the guest bedroom so it’s hardly ever used and when we have family spend the night they’ll have company.  I tucked him in like a burrito baby.  LOOK HOW HAPPY HE LOOKS.

Victor:  Try again.

I attempted another option:

Helloooo!

me:  Rowr-rowr-rowr.

Victor:  What?

me:  OHMYGOD, LOOK  OUT THE WINDOW!

Victor:  WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

me:  He likes to wander at night.  I think he might have narcolepsy.

I briefly considered poking his head through the hedges just to freak people out, but Victor said I couldn’t because I might cause an accident because people weren’t prepared for that much awesomeness.  (He didn’t say that last part out loud, but I’m pretty sure it was implied.)

In the end, I left Beartrum on the floor of my office until I find the perfect spot.  The cats fucking love him.

"Maybe if we cover his eyes he can't eat us."

The good news though is that I think I’ve finally found my new profile pic.

Everyone wins.

1,074 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Now I know who terrorized my picnic!

  2. Can’t get past the leaping pony… really?!

    kaitlyn recently posted What larks!.

  3. That is the best thing EVER. I want a bear head. If my husband would get me a bear head, it could be my christmas and birthday presents for…at least two years. Yeah..two years

    Ragemichelle recently posted Yellow: What Is The Color Of Narcissism?.

  4. OMG!! I almost peed my pants at work when I got to the picture of bear looking in window! Reminded me of your “Knock knock MF” picture. Thanks for the laugh.

  5. That bear head makes me happy! This video (SFW..i guess?) makes me happy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE Your blog makes me happy! Now I’m having a happy happy day! Thank you!

  6. oh, oh, oh…………too much fun today, you’re ruining my downer. We are not worthy.

  7. I think Beartrum should stay in the guest bedroom. You can hide things underneath the covers to give him a ‘body’ and he’d be the best guest bedroom friend ever!

  8. This is AMAZING

  9. Read this while at a webinar at work. Why would I do that to myself? Upside? Showed it to my boss during webinar and now we’re both cracking up.

    Laurie recently posted Liquid Laundry Detergent.

  10. Beartrum should definitely stay in the guest bedroom. He can cuddle with your guests :)

  11. I <3 you. Having a terrible day at work -to the point where I am considering quitting and making meth, like Waltand Jesse on Breaking Bad, then I sneak over and read your blog-and laugh/snort coffee all over my computer screen. :)

  12. You’ve made my day.
    Granted, that’s not hard considering that I spend all day sitting in a cubicle and pondering a better life and reading about things like feaux bear heads instead of working … but still: awesome post.

    Daddy Scratches recently posted I’m goin’ back to Cali.

  13. This post just made me deliriously happy. Still grinning. Please, please don’t ever stop with the whimsical joy of silliness.

  14. Until the first pic, I was picturing him as some sort of bear shaped lamp/ light. Maybe he could hold a flashlight in his mouth so you on’t have to go shopping again?

  15. You put a smile on my face, ON MY BIRTHDAY. Virtually impossible. Until 11:53 am PST on Sept 17, 2013.

    Carmen recently posted The Obligatory Birthday Post.

  16. I can’t. I just can’t. This is the greatest thing I have read/seen in weeks. Eat some ice cream; you win for days.

    Debbie recently posted Strike one, tumbl(e)r.

  17. I giggle at your silliness! thanks!! =)

  18. This just made me want a bear face!

    And also, I suddenly have a craving for porridge.

    Cher recently posted Lunchtime Poll.

  19. Holy shit. That is awesome.

    John Lewis recently posted My Acting Résumé.

  20. I needed a laugh today. Thank you!

  21. I want a t-shirt w/ “whimsical joy of silliness” on it!

    Your post ROCKS!

  22. You totally should have taken a picture of the pony chandelier. You have to have this stuff to show your decorator, for planning purposes. Geez, I thought everyone knew that.

  23. so much funny! thank you for making me laugh!

  24. Not one joke about picnic baskets?

    daniel recently posted Comment on The Early Morning Alphabet by Daniel monk Pelfrey.

  25. You must STOP posting funny ass shit like this. I just spit Diet Coke out my nose. AT WORK. Can’t you post funny shit after, say, NOON???

    LOVE YOU JENNY!!

  26. I am so unbelievably jealous of this find. And it was only $75! That is a steal.

  27. Awesomeness. Pure Awesome.

    Rachel recently posted The Sinkhole.

  28. Cant. Stop. Crying.
    Best. Laugh. Ever.

  29. I snorted in my cubicle at work, but know if I share what I am laughing at, they wouldn’t get it. Thanks for brightening my day! One of my favorite posts ever!

  30. OMG! My day has been made. I’m sharing this with my best friends (because I think they’re the only ones who would understand the awesomeness of Beartrum).

  31. My day = MADE. Thank you.

  32. You fuckin’ crack me up ALL the time!! I love this! Heck, I think I like the bear more than Beyonce. Maybe. I’m not sure. ;)

    Denise recently posted Turn It Up Tuesday.

  33. 33
    David Lehmann

    As a cat owner, I’ll tell ya Ferris is just licking his balls. For cleanliness. Or because he’s feeling horny. Or because he thinks your bear is “da balls!”. Thank you, thank you. I’ll be here all night, please try the fried shrimp.

  34. I just fell in love with you all over again.

  35. 35
    Carmen Piranha

    You are SO lucky I wasn’t in the store when you spied Beartrum and screamed. I swear there would have been a bidding war. And now the poor store manager would be trying to find a source on where to buy truckloads of huge-assed bear heads that look like they have dentures with fangs.

  36. reading this made my crappy day so much better, so thanks.

  37. This post was made of so much win! You, Jenny, are way, way awesome!

  38. Oh My! Beartrum is FANTASTIC! I love the way you and Victor interact. It makes me smile. I think Beartrum should stay in the guest room. He looked so comfortable there.

  39. tears… i literally have tears…. and not in that new fangled hippydippy figurative sense either.

    Drew recently posted Will I watch this TV show/film? Gay fanboy edition.

  40. I love that you found a place for the gigantic fake flowers that were hanging out under desk and have replaced them with a giant fake bear head.

    Sarah Negovetich recently posted Agency Lessons: YA vs MG.

  41. Happy birthday Carmen!!

    Kimberly recently posted WoW Wanderings: My perfect Garrosh cutscene.

  42. Your Lawn Is ALIVE!!! I’ve been wondering about that since your post-surgery post…
    And Your cat is most definitely not doing himself any favors…

    Brooke recently posted First Day of Classes.. Yay?.

  43. Jenny, I was cracking up the whole time! I hope that Beartrum finds a good home in your house that isn’t a guest bed, outside a window, or being clawed by Ferris and Hunter under your desk!

  44. Haven’t laughed so much all week.
    Thankyou!

  45. ohmyjesus. When I finally saw it unboxed, I snorted so loudly my boss peered around the corner.
    This. RULES. Possibilities are practically ENDLESS.

  46. 46
    wasnt_serious

    Dying of the laughter…and the love of Beartrums.

  47. Beartrum loos beary cool!!

    Mexmom recently posted Training.

  48. If you and Beartrum ever break up, I have dibs. Do you hear me? I. Have. Goddamn. Dibs.

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Happy Birthday, Mom, and Thanks..

  49. Best. Profile. Pic. Ever. I can’t believe you got that bear head for the bargain price of $75 and that no one else wanted it. What is wrong with this world? Beartrum is bad ass.

    Allison recently posted Stuff That Baffles Me - Channeling Effie, Are We?.

  50. i too choked on diet coke at work, joyce, in fact it came out my nose. note to self: must wait to get home before reading the bloggess.

  51. I do think it’s possible that Jesus will one day come back to Earth, and that it’s even more likely when he arrives that he’ll be all, “SANDWICHES.”

  52. I love you so much!

  53. Is it wrong that part of me really wants you to sneak Beartrum into the bed so that when Victor wakes up he finds a bear head in his bed, all The Godfather, Bloggess-style?

  54. This is just all kinds of amazing.

    $75 is a steal!

  55. Just amazing. I’m so incredibly jealous right now.

  56. Now I have that stupid song stuck in my head. “Picnic time for teddy bears!”

  57. I busted out laughing at the bear in bed. Can you imagine sending your guests in there to turn on the light?? Thanks for the laugh.

  58. There is only one spot Beartrum Higglebottom, who obviously must be a cousin of my dearly departed goldfish Franc & Michel Wigglebottom, who both, obviously, had French accents and snotty attitudes, and that is right next to the front door.

    Who wouldn’t want to be greeted by Beartrum? He is really going to make every guest in your home feel incredibly welcome and at ease from the moment they walk in.

    Pinot Ninja recently posted The Bachelorette and the Bidet — A Modern Fable of Friendship.

  59. Methinks Beartrum might have been right at home here…

  60. I am deeply, deeply jealous – I even have a bowler, monacle, cigar, and bowtie that he clearly desperately needs. Damn it!

    Dawn recently posted Awkward!.

  61. “The good news though is that I think I’ve finally found my new profile pic.” – or the author’s picture for your new book??

  62. That was perhaps second ONLY to Beyonce. Seriously. Laughed so hard the partners I work for quizzed me on my stability after the tax deadline. Fortunately, the are also as deranged as I am, so they loved the “bear-in-a-window” picture. Now, we are looking for something as symbolic for us. Batshit crazy seems to fit the bill. Fortunately, this IS Bat Country (and Bat-Time of year!)! I can only hope!

  63. way better investment than the crystal leaping, cavorting pony. for sure.

    Charlotte @ Commitness to Fitness recently posted Sock Pocket!.

  64. You + Beatrum = WIN

  65. Beyond awesome. Thanks for making me laugh

  66. He is a beautiful edition to the family! I look forward to the many adventure’s of Beartrum–which kinda sounds like children’s book, a really fucked-up children’s book.

    You might want to get on top of that.

    Allie recently posted TLC Presents: How did this Dude Trick Five Women into Marrying Him?.

  67. this is almost as great as beyonce!

  68. 69
    John Kirkpatrick

    It takes special crazy to be so awesome!

  69. Rolling on the floor. You made my day!

    batpoopcrazy recently posted Grain-free Update.

  70. So much awesome! Heart rum (seriously, autocorrect!? Heart rum? I wrote Beartrum for a reason!) is fabulous! Actually, I have no idea whether heart rum is fabulous, I’ve never tried it. Beartrum should live at my house. Can we share him? I could babysit when you have guests. For free! You’re welcome.

    Julie You Jest recently posted I’ll see your fish wine and raise you one new bowling obsession..

  71. YOU ARE SO LUCKY!!!! I have seriously been looking for a bear head JUST LIKE THAT, and I can’t find any anywhere.

    Rachel recently posted Trigger Warning: Sum of my Experience.

  72. One more reason that you are my hero!! I am confused though…is he an actual lamp? Does light come out of his mouth? That would be ridiculous! In the good way. Anyway- I was giggling out loud at my desk and now everyone thinks the new girl is crazy. ( I am, but they didn’t know that yet!) I was hoping to get one more week of not being that weird girl- Oh well, totally worth it!

  73. I love this!

    But seriously…. what is your cat doing?

    Rachel recently posted Appointments.

  74. Thank You !!! I think Beartrum Higglebottom is awesome and is lucky to have you !!

  75. It’s not until you see Victor holding the head that you really begin to see how big that fucker is. Awesome!!

  76. Crying, I am crying. Best thing to happen to me all day.

  77. I can’t stop laughing. Everything about this post is awesome, especially Beartrum in the guest bed.

    Allie recently posted Blogtember: Nostalgia.

  78. When I buy a house and need to decorate the place I want to go shopping with you to do it.

  79. 80
    Shannon Fielding

    Jenny, I love you. :)

  80. I so want that PONY….

    Bear in mind – – – had to use that pun – – the bear is totally awesome but needs a Momma and Baby bear to go with it…. And then you have to find a little weasel Goldie Locks to tie up and tortu….. oh never mind….

    Never change!

  81. I am literally laughing out loud and crying at my desk. Someone just came up to ask me something and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even put the awesomeness of this post into words, Thank you!!!

  82. I think you should consider starting a service where you bring various stuffed animals/animal heads to peoples homes and help them figure out where they could hang them or put them should they decide to get some of their own and of course photograph it. Then whenever said person felt sad about their home and/or life they could pull up the pictures of the time they spent with you wandering around their home finding places to hang/place taxidermy. They could also use said photos to threaten their spouses about taking up new hobbies.

    I, at least, would pay good money for this service as the payoff would be well worth it.

    latenac recently posted Review Pickwick Papers Chapters 46-48.

  83. I’ve got to agree on that “kids understand awesome more than adults” thing. My kids can enjoy things much more deeply than most adults. That’s why – no matter how old I get – I’ll always be a kid at heart. (Now if only my coworkers wouldn’t look at me funny when I play with my Doctor Who figures at my desk.)

    TechyDad recently posted A Make or Buy Doctor Who Quandary.

  84. That bear head is amazing! i bought a plain old deer head at a yard sale last weekend to sell in my shop, but when I brought it in I was informed that it’s illegal to sell taxidermy deer in this state because WHAT THE FUCK!? So I had to call my husband at work and be like “Guess what, honey, we own another dead animal that goes on the wall! Aren’t you excited?” He was not excited.

  85. I am crying. I am crying from laughter right now. My coworkers are concerned but I don’t care because this post made me happier than I have been in a month. Thank you Jenny!

    Jocelyn recently posted Words.

  86. Just HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

  87. Bear in the window = best place ever. Just think of all the guest reactions! And if the guests don’t react they either know you far too well, or! are not very observant at all, and it will be a valuable lesson on survival for them, because one should always know if there’s a bear about to break into your house and steal the cheerios.

  88. did I miss the Teddy Bear Picnic again? damn

    Lauren recently posted Operation Letting Go.

  89. Thank you for making me laugh so hard I cried!!! Now I want a giant bear head too!

  90. Is it just me, or does Beartrum look like an Ewok in the unpacking picture?

    Kit recently posted TARDIS Pendant by Kits.

  91. Pretty pretty please find Beartrum a hat…

    I want to live with you, Victor, Hailey, and all the cats. Or maybe just be a fly on the wall. I would be the luckiest. Fly. Ever.

  92. I AM RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN FROM LAUGHING.

  93. Oh, this is fucking AWESOME! I thought NOTHING could top my father buying a 7 1/2 foot stuffed bear and not telling my mother, just put it in the living room for her to discover when she walked in one day. She has since recovered and now likes to make him (Shush, Navajo word for “bear”, not nearly as creative as Beartrum) aprons that are representative of each holiday.

    Last year Dad went to a turkey farm to collect feathers to make him his own official headdress. Oy.

    Jillian Todd Portraits for Women

  94. I love you. And Beartrum. And your cats. And Victor. And Hailey. Full stop.

  95. I’m so confused. Is he a lamp? Does his eyes light up?

  96. You made my entire day with this post.

  97. That picture of Ferris is going to be my new wallpaper, I think. This whole post is brilliant.

  98. hello, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior yogi bear?

  99. I may have just gotten fired for reading this at work (You’d think I’d know better by now) Laughing so hard at all the awesomeness that I need half a box of Kleenex.

  100. Hilarious! And to go back to a recent post. My local library just ordered me a whole slew of Goosebumps books for $.25 each so I can hand them out for Halloween at my sons school. Thanks for the idea whoever left it!

  101. This makes me so happy. What a great Tuesday this is shaping up to be. You’re basically invincible with that thing on!

    Marcia recently posted 42...more fjords please - Original Mixed Media Artwork - ACEO Size by seriousface.

  102. Hook him up with Beyonce!

    BTW your yard looks GREAT!!!

  103. OMG – have had a total anxiety attack today over the freaking sight word homework page that my daughter’s teacher sent home. They suggest Pinteresting sight word games and my rule-following-perfectionism-anxiety-filled-self started to spiral into insanity. I was finally talked down off of my Michael’s/Office Depot/Learning Express To-Do list wall, but it has been a crazy day. I so needed this! I am crying from laughing so hard. You walking around in the Beartrum head may be as funny as Beyonce! Thanks for the laugh!

  104. Oh my shit. This is better than Beyonce. I LOVE the burrito baby shot. You should totally badger Victor into letting you keep Beartrum in the guest room. He’s probably happier and nicer than some house-guests…

    Rory recently posted Black and White.

  105. Rowr Rowr Mutha Fucka……

  106. That bear is so happy.

    I wouldn’t be sad ever, if I had him around. He’s so cuddly. I want to cuddle with him in your guest room.

    That came out very wrong.Like the craigs list ad wrong. Big Bear. Lol. I can NOT stop laughing.

    I love you so much.

    Miss Gee recently posted I Am About To Get Dongle Friendly. Ew..

  107. Omg….I’m dying. No seriously, I can’t breathe.

    Robin recently posted Who’s on B Side?.

  108. Fortunately, I have the law office to myself this afternoon so there was no one to hear me choking on my iced coffee as I scrolled through the photos. PS you have a lovely home.

  109. Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    The pic with the cats (it looks like they’re fascinated by his eyeballs!!) is hilarious. Excellent!

  110. Ferris WTF! I used to have a cat that licked herself when she was in heat and would make all these growling noises whilst doing so. She did this in front of guests. :|

    Casey @ waffling recently posted Wax On, Wax Off.

  111. Damn! Clearly I need to come to Texas to do some shopping! That bear is fucking amazing! I found a real bear head in the trash outside a building in the East Village, which I though was highly offensive…who trashes a bear?! A bear died for that! Needless to say, Boris now graces the wall of my living room wearing a fez and a set of electrified antlers with lightbulb sockets on the tips…he is Boris the Light Beer! And I looooove him!

  112. Omg, I’m pretty sure Beartrum is your best purchase ever! And a way better deal than the crystalline pony. Victor should be happy you saved $7925!

    Shawn recently posted This is the September of my discontent.

  113. I was in desperate need of a laugh today. Thank for the tears streaming down my face!!

    Mayo recently posted Exploring New Hobbies.

  114. I need to remember to put away all liquids before reading your posts, because my laptop nearly got another Dr. Pepper and mucus shower. Personally I don’t understand why Victor gets so uptight. This shit is gold!

    Ursula recently posted Weekly Dinner List.

  115. Dear God in Heaven… I wish you were my neighbor.

    Jeanne (NanaBread) recently posted My Favorite Season: Fall.

  116. I can’t bear the funny.

    Terri recently posted Hi, My Name is Scarlett, and I Am Addicted to Fabric.

  117. Leaving him in the hedges is a horrible idea. Somebody would steal him!

    Rachel recently posted Rebecca Sedwick.

  118. I’m totally with you on putting it through the hedges. That would be awesome. You could hang out across the street (having your own teddy bear picnic) just to wait, and see people’s reactions. That is what I would do. Also Beartrum needs a bonnet (Little House on the Prairie style). To shield its eyes from the sun.

  119. I must see the chandelier pony. And Beartrum is freaking awesome!

  120. Thank you so much. Reading this made me very happy.

  121. This post also makes me sad that I don’t have a guest bedroom. it would be fun to fuck with the guests. Not in a literal way, though..that would be weird..it’s nearly always family.

    Ragemichelle recently posted Yellow: What Is The Color Of Narcissism?.

  122. Thanks for the giggle… I totally want a bear head.

    Heather Garcia recently posted Not stuck in a box.

  123. Your blog always makes me laugh, but I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard at one since Beyonce. I lost it at the picture in the front yard. Thanks for that!

    Also, how many more times will Victor ask, “what the fuck is wrong with you?” before he realizes he should just accept it and lean into the weird?

  124. If you put the head in the hedges, which you should totally do, you have to put an umbrella over it because you don’t want Beartrum’s fur getting all matted because of rain. I think a Hello Kitty umbrella would be a nice touch.

    Molly Dugger Brennan recently posted Down in the Dumps.

  125. Great addition to your house. So for the record, would you ever attend a furry bar crawl? My husband has been dying to have one for at least five years and he can’t quite get a group interested, probably b/c most are freaked out thinking we’re going to trick them into weird furry sex at the end of the drinking event, which is not the point. Drinking in a furry costume is the point. The weird animal sex is for the real furry whackjobs. Anyway, if you were interested, the Mr. would at least be thrilled to know other people appreciate his “creativity”.

  126. Seriously, my day is made!!!!!!! I seriously wish we lived closer so we could be friends.

    Patti recently posted Scenes From an Airport--The Thinker (2001).

  127. Ferris was merely bowing to your awesomeness.

  128. Oh my god. I Muttley-laughed so hard I started crying.

  129. Thank you Jenny! I needed that laugh today :)

  130. Beartrum rocks and I’m kind of jealous!

    Melissa Lawler recently posted Sons of Anarchy Season 5 Review.

  131. Best post ever! I freakin love Beartrum, especially on the outside looking in. I imagine he’s singing an awesome Lionel Richie song.

  132. I think the other parents in the pick-up line think I’m nuts now I that I am sitting here laughing at myself. You totally made my day!

  133. I needed this so badly today..home sick and, because sick isn’t enough, my sister keeps going to the hospital with chest pains and fluid around her lungs and they don’t know why. They don’t know why she gets the fluid, not that they don’t know why she goes to the hospital. Unless they are also aware of their ineptitude and wondering why she doesn’t go to a better hospital? Wait. Where am I?

  134. Oh my goodness, I love you so much! I’m crying at work! THANK YOU for this! and tell Victor to stop being such a spoil sport: it would be AWESOME to poke Beartrum through some hedges!!!!! (PLEEEEEASE take video of that!!!!)

  135. I think I’m going to start hanging out with 8 year olds too….’cause my teenage girls think I am BATSH*T crazy…I think I am just enthusiastic :)

  136. He’s just so happy looking! I love him!

    Nita recently posted My Animal Graveyard.

  137. Holy. Tears streaming down my face and laughing so hard I keep forgetting to breathe. Thank god I didn’t read this while out in public!

  138. like I actually just had surgery on an artery on my head yesterday, and I am laughing so hard I’ll probably die… and i don’t care. THANK YOU!

  139. This might be as funny as the Beyonce Origin Story…….

  140. I’m having a totally crap week. I have to help my cat commit suicide on Thursday. I’ve been scoring cat nip, getting her stoned, calling the vet twice a day to see if he’s changed his diagnosis (he hasn’t), and, basically, crying all week long. Can you say nervous breakdown? Anyway, sorry to overshare. Someone needs to adjust her meds. (That would be me.)

    This really cheered me up. Please thank Beartrum for his part in the mood lifting.

    Clare recently posted I Put A Hit Out On My Cat.

  141. Suppressing giggles in my cubicle over “burrito baby.” I love it! And never mind the profile picture, that needs to be the cover of your next book. <3

  142. That is absofuckinglutely hilarious! I really needed that laugh today :)

    Look at all the entertainment you, the cats, your daughter, your neighbors, your readers…. all got for $75. That was definitely a good deal!

    Kat recently posted Things to look forward to this fall.

  143. This post is amazing, and props to Victor for carrying the bear head around the house like a big damn hero.

  144. So..Did you get a lamp?

    Cynthia Holt recently posted Even More Shit.

  145. It just occured to me that James Garfield now has competition.
    He could Beartrum’s dad/brother though. It’s a family reunion!

    Miss Gee recently posted I Am About To Get Dongle Friendly. Ew..

  146. A narcoleptic bear? Then he’ll need a better excuse for eating the neighbours then preparation for hibernation

  147. I love this! I completely understand buying animal type things because they make you happy (even if know one else gets it). I’m lusting after a pig shaped pitcher but I haven’t bought it because it’s too expensive, and also my husband said it looked like a demon (which it kind of does).

  148. Brilliant. Positively brilliant. And that is just the sort of thing I would’ve done at the bus stop.
    However, you do need a spot of ketchup with the bear in the bed. Kinda like THE GODFATHER.

    sj recently posted The Second Amendment ~ Part 5: Gory, Gory, Hallelujah!.

  149. Forget profile pic…that’s your new book cover.

  150. Can’t breathe. Can’t. Stop. Laughing!

    Aimee recently posted What’s to Eat?.

  151. Having a hard time not laughing out loud at work! Love, love, love!

  152. How come none of the stores I go to have awesome stuff like that? Clearly I need to shop at a better class of store.

    Betsy recently posted On Bubble Goo and Dinosaur Poop.

  153. i love you bloggess, really i do!

  154. I figured out why he looks so happy…it is because he has a full set of HUMAN teeth with a few itty bitty fangs thrown in, instead of a gaping maw of all-pointy regular bear-type teeth. LOVE IT.

  155. So much awesomeness in one blog post. I can’t .. I can’t even ..

    Victoria recently posted Felted Soaps – Pictures Now in the Shop!.

  156. Oh, you need to keep Beartrum in the guest bedroom. Victor’s completely off-base about that.

  157. OMG. Laughing so hard. Trying to hold it in since my co-workers are on the phone, but it’s so difficult!

  158. It’s no wonder you wrote a book. You guys are just too damned funny.

  159. Magnificent. Truly magnificent.

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted Swimming to Mommy.

  160. You have brightened my otherwise crap day. Thanks for the laugh. :)

  161. It’s like every time I settle on the amount that I love you, you fuck it all up by making me love you more. Now I have to re-write my will.

    You’re getting all the fucking useless, mis-matched china cup and saucer sets that my brother in law keeps sending my kids from Germany and their travels throughout the European cities they travel. We have piles of that shit that are just ASKING to get smashed. Also – you’re getting legos. Lots and lots of fucking legos.

    Carm recently posted Jumping Back In.

  162. I <3 you so hard. Although seeing the bear photo while eating my lunch was a bad idea, because now I've snorted noodles into my sinuses. Totally worth it though. I needed the laugh today.

    Nagzilla recently posted OMG You Guys! You Need a Better Name!.

  163. I really wish we were friends in real life…..

    Lisa-Marie recently posted A Five Minutes or LESS Bento.

  164. The window picture is the best. Thank you for making me laugh today.

  165. Dear Jenny, you are awesome and hilarious.

    Athene Numphe recently posted More steps down the weaning road.

  166. You got a MAJOR fuckin’ bargain! Show this to Victor and ka-BAM, enjoy the pride (and stuffed bear).

    http://www.theinteriorgallery.com/pd_bear_head.cfm

    Normally $447, on sale for $313, Jenny Lawson price: $75.
    Oh yeah. Don’t ya just love a good bargain?

  167. Ohmygawd, thank you for the laugh. All of it was hilrious, but I almost peed a little at Ferris Mewler and your “you’re only hurting yourself”.

    Love it.

  168. Thank you for the much needed laughs today. You have the luckiest neighbors. I mean, how can a person stay stressed out if they look out the window and see a smiling bear in a dress? That HAS to make you laugh!

    Patti B recently posted Three for three!.

  169. Creepy music box sounding version of teddy bear picnic running through my head… Slowing down as if it needs winding again…. WTFever… that bear isnt scary… he is freaking cute!

    Kerry :) recently posted A day in the life….

  170. LOL!!! You are awesome!
    Your bear head is very slimming!

  171. Marvelous! Now, please, please get the pont!

  172. Oh God, this is the best thing I could have seen today. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    Julie recently posted I May be a Little Obsessed with Nose Rings.

  173. Sweet lord, this was one of the funniest posts ever!!
    Thanks for the big out loud laughs on a day when I am sick of having a stupid cold and being so tired.
    Beartrum rocks!!!!!!!!!!

  174. Sorry—that should have been pony!

  175. I think Beartrum needs to go in the shower. At eye level. Right before Victor gets in it.

  176. You MUST go back and get a picture of the pony! I know you will because you are awesome. BTW, laughing so hard I’m crying at the cat yoga.

  177. You look really good in that dress and your yard is lovely and with Beartrum there atop your shoulders, it’s all just perfect and a clear boon to property values on your street.

    Coco recently posted Back-To-School Advice From a Jaded Mom. Yay..

  178. I need to buy a car in the next few weeks, would you go with me? (and bring the bear, he looks good at negotiating).

  179. You are truly a unique person and comedic genius!

  180. You need a camel head to wear on Wednesday.

  181. these photos just make me so happy. a little frightened, but so, so happy.

    monica recently posted The Girl Who Lived in a Prophylactic. *Almost* sounds like a movie, right?.

  182. That bear is so much more awesome than I expected it to be.

  183. how does a store have bears and shiny ponies and not expect patrons to squeal?

  184. I am SOOO jealous!

    yetisaurus recently posted How NOT to Apply for a Job.

  185. I love you so much.

  186. OMG! So glad I’m home alone! So goddamned funny!

  187. He really is epically awesome. I’m thinking Beartrum wants a job and doesn’t just want to be a pretty face in your house. He needs to be like a book end or a hat stand or something where he is useful. Don’t you have one of those high ledges that he can sit on, looking down on people so that he can guard the house? You can set up a blutooth speaker so that he roars and plays music.

    Beartrum is the best!

    Laurie recently posted In Memorium.

  188. YOU…ARE…..EPIC!!!! I wish you where my neighbor, oh won’t you be my, oh won’t you be my neighbor?

  189. Also, I have no explanation for Ferris Mewler.In my experience, cats like to lick embarrassing places just to ruin pictures.

    Laurie recently posted In Memorium.

  190. You can totally take pictures of pony lights in stores. And, is the kitty doing downward dog?

    Karin recently posted Patrick’s Apartment.

  191. I am at the eye doctor trying to be a grown up and the receptionist just asked if I was ok. I can’t even explain you. You always make my day!

  192. Okay, I don’t like to use the word awesome (sooo burned out on that word), but…that bear head is AWESOME!!! It really is!! It inspires awe in its pure being. Whoa.

  193. How is he getting on with Beyonce?

  194. laughed out loud – at work – the woman in the next office asked what was so funny and I couldn’t begin to explain because we only have two hours left to work and this cannot be explained that quickly.

    This brought a shitty day up to livable.

    Thank you Jenny.

  195. The greatest thing in the history of greatest things.

    Daniel J. Hogan recently posted Subscription Problems for Comics.

  196. So . . . you’re still lampless, but you’ve made a new friend. I’d say that was a win!

    Ally recently posted Silent Sunday.

  197. This is just the most utterly delightful post ever.

  198. It’s been a long time since I laughed this hard. Thank you for sharing the epicness that is Beartrum Higglebottom with us!

    Reanna recently posted Cover Reveal: Recklessly Royal by Nichole Chase.

  199. So is Beartrum going to become part of your new chandelier?

    Anubis Bard recently posted Autumn Insects.

  200. That bear had is badass.

    Ashley recently posted Things I Learned At My High School Reunion.

  201. Almost bust a gut trying not to make noise laughing because I’m at work. I don’t want to scare my new intern on her second day. She’ll figure out I’m crazy soon enough!

  202. I love this so much. It just made my day so much better.

  203. Love. Just, Love.

  204. Beartrum Higglebottom. Nothing could possibly be better. Thank you for the joy. You make me deliriously happy.

  205. omg Jenny, you are mutherfurkin’ delightful! that is THE most awesome bear head in the history of the world. I’m gonna be laughing like a loon at random moments for the rest of the week!

    robin~ recently posted what I’ve been up to….

  206. I was reading this with my 4-year old nearby. He kept asking me “Mommy, why are you laughing?” and “What’s so funny?” I showed him some pictures and he laughed, because he’s my son. But then he got tired of hearing me laugh and told me “Alright mom, that’s enough laughing from you.”
    Please tell Victor to stop mind-controlling my son and therefore raining on my parade while reading about your parade of bear head awesomeness!

    Rea recently posted Evidently, my husband hates me....why else would he force me to pick one?!?!.

  207. I need to move to Texas because I want you as my neighbor. Then when I’m depressed (like today, for example) I can wander over to your house and you can amuse me with “Where’s Beartrum?” because that shot of him peeking in the window made me laugh so hard I cried and that’s a good change from just crying. SO ANY-WAY – Will you be my friend?

  208. This is the funniest blog post ever. I love your new bearest friend….did you see what I did there?

  209. You can now be a member of the band Teddybears, which means you get to hang out with Iggy Pop. That’s pretty cool.

  210. The Ferris pose made me lose it; by the time I got to you creep-singing the Teddy Bear Picnic song I was cry-laughing. My boss loves me.

    Alice recently posted Pulling together a wedding theme.

  211. I literally stopped in the middle of giggling my head off and said “oh, and she got new grass too!”

    the lawn is lovely.

    the bear is epic. taxidermied teddy bear… how do these things find you?

  212. Nothing takes away that “2:30 feeling” quite like this post. Those pictures are some of the most amazing things I’ve seen on the internet in a long time.

    Also by the way, I know you mentioned in a recent post that you’ve lost a lot of weight and I just wanted to say that you look fantastic!

  213. You have made my day again! Laughing so hard I am crying (at work, of course).

    BeccaV recently posted Dylan's 5th Birthday.

  214. About 4 hours ago I started to slide into a deep depression. I’m at work, so of course I was scrolling through Facebook when I saw this post. While reading, I attempted to keep my giggles inside, but then Ferris happened. Then I burst out laughing much to the chagrin of my office mate. I did not show her what I was laughing at because I get the sense that she wouldn’t appreciate it as much as I did.

    Thank you. Feeling much better now. Hope it lasts. :)

  215. It’s official. The children are going to be Beyonce and Beartrum for Halloween.

  216. I laughed so hard! This was AMAZINGLY funny I a day I REALLY needed it! YOU are the BEST!!

  217. Now, when you do vodka shots, you can pose suitably for your “STRONG LIKE BEAR” Russian sound bites.

  218. Oh, it hurts! Congratulations on making me cry for the first time since I started my anti-depressants – though I’m not sure if laughter counts.

  219. next time victor moves you..tell him to move near me so I can spy on all the fun in your life

  220. Next to my wife of course you are quite possibly the most awesomest female I sort of know vicariously.

  221. Jenny, the photo with the bear head on the floor with your cats is really a perfect explanation of why I love you!!!!!!! Thank you for making me laugh all the time!!!

  222. Obviously, Ferris was practising a barrel roll.

    I WANT A BEAR HEAD NOW

    Jilly recently posted Zombie Goodness- A Guest Post by Tamsin Flowers.

  223. 224
    Adrian Jones

    As much as I loved your book, I’m really looking forwards to Hailey’s book in a couple of decades. :)

  224. Beartrum is freakin AWESOME!!!! He looks all cuddly and snuggly in the guest bedroom, what the fuck is Victor’s problem anyway? GEEZ!!!! Beartrum isn’t quite as cool as Beyonce, but he comes pretty damned close!
    Just another way of spreading the whimsical joy of silliness….which does definitely need to become a shirt like immediately.

  225. Now I know what to do when I’m having bad days & feeling like hell.

    Check for new posts from you.

    This was epic.

    I can’t stop giggling. I wanted to show my 7 yr old but I’m not sure if it was appropriate since she can read now. Not that she hasn’t heard the F word before(I’m not good to drive with).

    But oh I’m kind of jealous right now. I want a bear head just to irritate my neighbors.

    Jen recently posted When it Began.

  226. Thank you. You made my whole day!

  227. First of all. Your cat. OMG. Awesome. Second of all? You are awesome, too. Absolutely hilarious. I love your blog! The randomness. All of it. Thank you for being you, and for being awesome. Oh, and. That’s a nice bear. I like it.

  228. I totally lost it a “furries”. Best laugh ever

  229. Oh Jenny. I laughed so much I thought I’d get a stomach rupture or something (Is that a thing really? ). Anyway, I love you so much for making my day so much better! And as usual, you are my absolute hero!

  230. This is awesome. I know his name is Beartrum – clearly, he looks just like a Beartrum – but if he HAD been a rescue from a scarlet fever ward and was a girl you could have named him Scarlett O’Beara.

  231. This is the best since Bey.

    Karen Sanders recently posted The Midnight Train.

  232. OMG!! People CAN’T handle that much awesomeness!!! I have not laughed this hard, out loud in a while. Thank you, Jenny and Victor. It wouldn’t be half as funny without Victor’s input. :-D

    Also, I’m with you on hanging out with eight-year-olds. Grown ups have no imagination and I’m tired of people looking at me funny when strange things come out of my mouth. :-)

  233. You amaze me. You amuse me! I love you!

  234. Omg you are hilarious, thank you for the giggles, and I love Beartram too, kick ass!!

  235. This is the best thing I’ve read today. :D It’s on par with your entry about buying Beyonce. :D Your new profile picture is AWESOME and Beartrum looked darned cozy in your guest room… downright like a bearrito. :D

    Maxine Dangerous recently posted This is why I don't date.

  236. Oh my gosh. This was hilarious.

    That giant bear head makes you look super skinny. Wait…did you get super skinny? OR…is this why Miley had all those giant bears in her video?

  237. Where the hell do you shop, lady?

  238. And I didn’t mean you’re not skinny. Crap. Why is commenting so hard?

  239. That was highly enjoyable. Thank you.

    Alie Kriofske recently posted Joan Baez, music, and longing....

  240. OMFG!! Laughed so hard I cried!! Still laughing. Love Beartrum!

  241. 243
    Nancy Thorson

    Love this! Should come to our cottage on an island in Georgian Bay Ontario, we have the Real thing! Your’s seems much friendlier!!! Best thing you got a whole box of Bubble Wrap,best thing EVER!!!!!!

  242. O.M.G I literally have tears rolling down my face! My husband is asking ME “What the fucks wrong with you” and I just keep saying “It’s a bear!” In between gasps of breath!

  243. OMG I love you! This makes me just keep on laughing out loud. I love the pics. You are seriously crazy and I love that in people. Thank you for making my day bearable……

  244. My step-father can turn ANYTHING into a lamp- Beartrum would be perfect leaning over your chair lighting up your page!

  245. Sweet jebus I think I just peed my pants a little. Thanks for that.

    Stef recently posted My Pen-Friend's Parents.

  246. I cannot. Stop. Laughing.

    Thank you.

    Allison recently posted DIY – Pinecone Edition.

  247. Had to look up the pony chandelier. I think I found it at this site (4th pic down)…however I’m a bit disturbed by the 1st pic…

    http://ochandelier.net/horse-chandelier/

  248. 250
    Nancy Thorson

    You need a LIKE button for some of the comments, they’re Great ” Fucked up children’s book” HAHA………….! You’re amazingly FUNNY & I don’t take drugs!

  249. That is awesome! You could have so much fun with that. Halloween is coming up…..

  250. ZOMG – you buy the best stuff! Why is there never anything cool like that where I shop?

  251. After I came home from the grocery store I told my husband that I don’t think I should be allowed in public because the woman behind me in line started loading her groceries on the belt in the spot where I’m trying to quickly load mine. I had to keep pushing them back on the belt to give myself room and she wouldn’t get the hint. I finally told her, “You are obviously too impatient to wait your turn in line but I’m not done yet.” To my credit I didn’t cut her when she wordlessly reached into my cart and started to put my items (now mixed with hers due to her lack of space issues) and told her to stop, and again mentioned that I’m sorry that she is too important to wait her turn in line.

    This never would have happened if I was wearing a bear head.

    lazy budget chef recently posted How to Oven Can and Preserve Dry Goods.

  252. And you wonder if you’re great or not? Shame on you :D Greatest profile pic EVAR.

  253. Is anyone else seeing Monica from Friends dancing while wearing the turkey with a fez and sunglasses on her head?
    No? Just me?
    Completely awesome Bearhead.

  254. I can’t believe one of my colleagues hasn’t rolled up to ask what the hell I’m laughing at. OMG. So funny.

  255. omg thank you so much for the laugh ~ you always make me so happy ~

  256. Maybe he can keep the big metal rooster company. :)

  257. Best Birthday present ever! I love you & your crazy posts!

  258. 8 year olds and US, right? WE understand. we do…

    Itzybellababy recently posted Tree-rific Tuesday Blog Hop.

  259. Take him with you on every trip and photograph him :) Italy, Paris! Buckingham Palace! The White House! Travels with Bear :)

  260. I just actually laughed so hard that I cried, then my 4 year old son came running out of his room (“nap” time) and hugged me and said what’s wrong mom, why are you crying? So I showed him the picture of the bear in your guest bed and he’s like, oh. A bear, in bed. Why is that funny, is it just there to snuggle? And I was like EXACTLY. And I kept laughing and he asked me to close my door if I was going to make so much noise.

  261. I wanna see a picture of the back of Beartrum’s head.. I have to say, that bear head is fucking fabulous!! Is it hollow? You should take it to Austin for the Women’s conf.. ;)

    Candy @ Candypolooza recently posted My Hips Don’t Lie Thanks Fibromyalgia.

  262. When I was little my older brother took out the stuffing of a big stuffed toy bear we had and cut holes in the eyes, nose and mouth and had me get in it. I still don’t know how he convinced me to do this. lol But, he got on his bike and rode it down the street and I chased him, in a bear suit. It started slipping down over my eyes and like an idiot I kept running while trying to pull it up…then I ran face first into the tailgate of a parked truck. Laid me out flat on my back with a bleeding nose……My kids love to tell everyone this story and so does my family and friends. I wish there were video or a picture of this…but I’m positive my parents had NO idea. :D

    Your post today made my day!!!!

  263. Please, may I have you as a neighbor?

  264. I so badly needed this today. Almost fell out of my desk chair.

  265. I’ve JUST decided what decorations I need to put in our guest bedroom. It’s been bare except for the bed and a tiny bookshelf ever since we moved in, and I’ve been clueless on how to decorate it. Not sure I can afford to buy heads for the wall yet, but that is an AWESOME deal for such an amazing bear, so now I think I really just need to find the right location to happen to have random stuffed heads. Got any suggestions for places in Austin where people sell taxidermied things? I always DID want to tart my own collection, anyways! Decorating the guest bedroom is a PERFECT excuse. 8D

  266. Did you ever know that you’re my hero? And everything that I want to be?

  267. Oh, my. I can “bearly”(Spell check doesn’t think this is a word.) contain myself.

    That is all. For. Now.

  268. I would swear that you were singing opera in the last photo due to your hand gestures and the bear’s expression.

  269. I am reading this while waiting in my mom’s hospital room. I really needed this laugh, of course the nurses are looking a little worried!

  270. GODZ! I needed to see this today–especially the bear head in the window. Thank you, thank you.

    Courtney Weber recently posted Tarot Tuesday: Job Journeys, Mysterious Angst, Doing the right thing?.

  271. 273
    Joshua Penrod

    If you go down to the woods today you’ll never believe your eyes
    If you go down to the woods today you’re in for a big surprise
    For every bear that ever there was will gather there for certain because
    Todays the day the teddybears have their picnic

    See them gayly gad about (have a banana)

  272. So is it weird that the first thing I noticed in the picture of you (thebloggess) with the giant bear head on is how thin and fit you look in said picture?

  273. 275
    Traci D. Haley

    I was having the grumpiest of grumpy days today and then I read this entry.

    I mean, really. How can you be grumpy while looking at that face?

  274. rotfflmfao.

  275. you look beautiful! who would have thought a giant bear head would be so slimming!?

  276. Jam Queen is right…not that you don’t always look fab…but the ginormous bear head makes you look absolutley svelte.
    Screw going on a diet…Imma buy be a bear head.

    Marianne recently posted Boondoggle....

  277. If you can not find the perfect place for Beartrum, he would look perfect over my bed. I know my little smashed face dog would bark endlessly at him, but it would be worth it. I love finding unexpectedly awesome things in the oddest place. I had a similar experience with 6 brightly colored unitards at a thrift shop. I bought all of them and have gotten lots of use out of them… in multiple states.

    Cabernet Colz recently posted Wedding Wish List.

  278. You MUST include this story in the new book. I was trying to stifle my laughter and a coworker became concerned I was having a seizure. Also, reading this story totally reminded me of a totally buried memory–not of a bear, but of a suit of armor that lived in my house as a kid (when I was a kid — not the suit of armor, because I don’t think he really had a childhood).

  279. The Bloggess, saving the world one giant bear head at a time ;D

    Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous recently posted He was just trying to stop them itching? Bollocks!....

  280. I love you…no really…I was having a blah day and this story made me laugh and for that I love you. Thank you for sharing your awesomeness with us.

  281. OMG. I didn’t think that anything could make me happier than Beyonce. And then comes Beartrum Higglebottom. Oh, I love him so.

    Jana: We had a suit of armor, too. It was the 70s, and it went with a Spanish Conquistador painting… I thought he was a relative.

    Oh, and Ferris Mewler, you gotta knock that off.

  282. I want to be your best friend! You simply made my day better!

  283. Well hot dang.

    Now I really really really want a bear head for my birthday. Which is in two weeks, in case anyone I know is reading this. Come on, you call yourselves my friends? You can’t afford $75 for a lousy bear head? I disown you all.

    Karen recently posted How to pee in the woods, and other important camping tips.

  284. OMGosh! Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in a long time! Love the idea of leaving Bert in the guest room bed!

  285. Maybe the store wanted to get rid of it so quickly because it comes possesed.

  286. This was so awesome, except 1) we just moved to a new building while our old one is renovated, making the big bosses much more – accessible. 2) everyone tends to say ‘knock knock’ before coming in your office 3) our Big Boss just came down the hall, saying ‘knock knock’ just as I scrolled down to Beartrum in the window…

  287. Staring into his face, I’m so confused…he’s like a Teddy Bear gone bad. Like maybe he had a heart of gold but he kept making bad decisions, decisions that landed him in and out of jail, and those institutionalized years made him hard, hard and bitter. Jail can do that to a bear, you know. I bet his parents considered him the black sheep of the family (or is it the “black bear”?).

    One Classy Motha recently posted A.S.S. IN A CAN! Buy it today!.

  288. This post was fucking hilarious….I want to be your friend…seriously, I wish I had an in person friend that I could call and say “Hey!! Beartrum needs to come out to play”

  289. Just when I thought I couldn’t love (or identify with) you any more….

  290. OMG, my sister and I used to totally put our tiny 45 of Teddy Bear’s Picnic that came with the book onto my Cabbage Patch Kid portable record player and play it as a 33 so it was all slow and creepy, then dance around the living room in slow motion as bears!

    You can tell Victor that
    A) You aren’t the only one
    B) Beartram might need a similarly sized Paddington head around for midnight shenanigan planning
    C) I forgot C
    D) This is why we adore you, and are totally willing to admit to our bosses that we have to go home because reading your blog made Diet Dr. Pepper come out of our nose and spill all over our keyboard and now need a change of clothes. And a new keyboard. As a for-instance. Maybe.
    E) This is why I too will be cosplaying your lovely self next year and have the half dyed red dress (still a little purple-y), pin pricked fingers and waiting curlers to prove it.

    Never change!

  291. And this is why I immediately thought of you when I saw this:

    http://www.wikipaintings.org/en/victor-brauner/wolf-table-1947

  292. I literally snorted when I got to the picture of him looking in the window. Funny stuff.

  293. This is one of your best posts ever. Amazing!

  294. This. Yeah… this is exactly what I needed. Some days I am just wandering along realizing that I’ve forgotten how to “Tuesday” or something and then you post something brilliant and it reminds me that in another part of the country is someone who would TOTALLY get me. :) Today was one of those days I really needed that.

    Thanks.

    Kelly recently posted So you know you want this....

  295. fyi -that bearhead? totally makes you look skinny!!!

  296. I heart u.

  297. Let’s be neighbors. You can leave bear heads outside my windows just to screw with me. I will periodically stick my head out my back door and yell “Wine slushies!” when I want you to come over.

  298. The pictures of the cats are killing me. This post is awesome and I can’t stop grinning.

  299. I noticed Ferris’ weird position IMMEDIATELY. Pretty sure that most men, and a few women, would like to be able to bend that way. ;)

    Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense recently posted Why I Can't Stand to Look at Myself Anymore.

  300. 302
    Leslie M. Bliman-Kuretzky

    I LOVE this :)

  301. I guess you finally put away those flowers, that were under your desk. I’m begining to think that the underside of your desk is your “junk drawer”

    Kim recently posted The Instant Mashed Potato Flake Massacre….

  302. You’re so wonderful I could just cry.

    Laura recently posted Know When To Walk Away…Know When To Run..

  303. You are so huggably psychotic. I wish I lived next door.

    Butch recently posted The Baby Store.

  304. Thank you! It’s been a shitty day and this made me laugh…a LOT. You’re a wonderful therapist! :)

    Beth recently posted Better Day! C25K Week 2 Day 4.

  305. This was such a pleasure. :) We need more posts like these in the blogosphere. ~Catherine

  306. Okay, now you totally have to take that around town and take pix of it in random places. It would be totally awesome. Okay, maybe just to me but c’mon, you know you want to drive around with a bear head in the passenger seat. http://worstrefeverstuff.blogspot.com/2011/10/gorillas-journey.html

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  307. 309
    Messy Jessie

    This post was just awesome and I love Beartrum!!! Who knew I could be so jealous of someones giant bear head?!

  308. obviously MN has a sever lack of taxidermied animals. i NEVER find stuff like that.

  309. You are so full of win and awesome-sauce! Thank you for the laugh/snort/giggle fest you just gave me. Also, Victor has no idea just how lucky he is.

    Julie recently posted The Guilt & Blame Game.

  310. I so very much want to go shopping with you!

  311. That is the funniest thing I’ve seen/read in a long time. I was nearly peeing my pants while laughing silently so as not to alert my coworkers as to what I was doing. Thank you, thank you , thank you for that today!

  312. I was laughing so hard I had to stop reading twice then I went out on the balcony and the neighbors all think I do dentist gas at home now.

  313. I think I want to be your BFF. I have just discovered you and I wish I had found you sooner. But in the brief time I’ve been following you I have learned:

    1. Not to have anything liquid in my mouth when I start reading; and,
    2. Be sure to go pee before I start reading.

    Hugs to my sister from a different mister, you are delightfully pixilated

  314. Apparently, it doesn’t take much to make me happy either. I spent last week recovering from a car accident, and this week navigating the wonderful world of Insurance Companies That Want to Screw You Over Even Though Their Insured Totally Admitted That Wrecking Your Beautiful Four-Month-Old Car And Sending You To The Hospital Was Her Fault, and also trying to do all the work that didn’t get done while I was medicated last week because apparently I am the only person in my entire office who can do what I do…

    And then I came to your blog. And read this perfect slice of awesomeness. And now I am happy. Thank you.

  315. He’s amazing! I do think he’s missing an accessory… Maybe a fedora?

  316. I want to know what Beyoncé thinks about Beartrum.

    Hysterical.

  317. I need to remember to read your blog more often. I always find myself happier afterwards. It also reminds me to look at the world through Jenny’s eyes. It’s just better that way.

  318. LOL, The window pic is fantastic! Congrats on your new profile pic.

  319. We always knew you were smarter than the average bear, and weirder, and this really proves it.

    Photo bomb us when you find some Boo-Boos/Mini-Me’s/or Bear Cublettes.

    Or when you wear the bear head to parent-teacher night.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Woody the Stick Horse, Black Bart and Being a 3-year-old Cowboy in Norman, Oklahoma.

  320. I’ve been reading your blog for a few years and I never comment, I just lurk and giggle to myself. I just had to let you know that this made my day. No. My week. It’s only Tuesday and I’ve been having a pretty rough week. Then I read this. And I laughed and snorted and made all sorts of hideous sounds while wiping away my laughter tears and now I feel better. Thank you.

    Can he sit with you at the table when you eat? Porridge? Nobody really likes to eat alone.

    Allyssa recently posted A Failed Quest for Pumpkin.

  321. OH! and I totally sang “Teddy Bear’s Picninc” for our school’s talent show when I was in 3rd grade…. but, when it said “watch them, catch them unaware” I thought it said “watch them, catch their underwear” Yeah… scandal in the heart of Utah. LOL

    Kim recently posted The Instant Mashed Potato Flake Massacre….

  322. Thank you….I am at work and giggling uncontrollably….totally worth it. I would love to be your neighbor…gotta say it would not be dull :)

  323. The last few weeks have been so stressful and then someone posted this on Facebook. I rarely take time to read all the way through. I’m so glad I did. I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you for lifting my spirits today. I love the bear and his name. Keep up the great work.

  324. So. Much. Win. Omg. I so needed that after today.

  325. Oh, how I love you! Could you perhaps mount Beartrum right above a chair at the kitchen table? That way, he could have meals with you.

    Mary P recently posted Sometimes, you just need a good hug.

  326. Beartrum really needs to be on the cover of your next book.

    Barbara recently posted Mexican Shrimp Cocktail.

  327. A friend shared this on Facebook and I have to say, I don’t think I’ve ever read something that made me laugh so fucking hard in my life. Not only did I have to take a break to catch my breath and dry my tears, but I was truly concerned I was going to piss my pants during this read. And those damn pictures! The pictures made everything even better! This was simply fantastic! It is especially appreciated because people have been aggravating me today, so to be able to start my evening off laughing at this is quite wonderful.

  328. 330
    Geek Goddess

    I’m wondering if you want Fred,my full grown, stuffed javelina. That I shot myself, near Marfa.

  329. I NEED to start shopping in Texas! You find the best stuff!!
    Had to laugh at Beartrum’s name as my mom (who shares her bent for anxiety with me so I share my teddy bears with her), any way, mom has 6 identical bears all with different names and personalities. Saunders, Bearnard, Bearington, Bearnice, Bearnadette and of course Beartrum. Beartrum is the one who currently goes on all their afternoon drives and so is the most spoiled. He just got a new coat on Saturday! Mom tucks him up between her shoulder and the door so when she pulls up to the drive thru window he can see what is going on.
    How did she get so many of the same bears? Well at least 3 of them my hubby hunted down for her online!!

  330. 332
    MyDogFartsWhenSheBarks!

    The name Beartrum Higglebottom is soooo fitting!

  331. Now I know I’m cool enough to hang with you and Victor…he and I own the same t-shirt

  332. I don’t understand how you find these amaze balls deals!!! When I find cool shit like this it’s 1000.00$ or more!! Be my personal shopper! I need random giant Beartrums in mah life!

  333. Funniest fucking story I’ve ever read in my life. I’m going to print this and read it every single day, but after I put on a new pair of Depends. PEE WORTHY!!

  334. 338
    Minnesota Red

    This makes me so happy! And Victor and Hailey are lucky to have your silliness in their lives.

  335. Best $75 spent ever.

    Nancy recently posted Taking time to stop and read the rocks..

  336. I think I just peed a little from laughing so hard. You are a national treasure:-)

  337. And that post, right there, is why I fucking love you. Thank you.

    Alyssa W. recently posted Remembering the Rules.

  338. Just laughed so hard at work I started to cry and once again felt thankful that no one shares an office with me!

  339. 343
    Sandra (a.k.a. Sandrandan)

    This just might be your best work yet! Every picture and caption made me burst out laughing louder than the last. You are quite awesome, Miss Jenny.

  340. The bear head is the most awesome thing ever. Never take it off.

    Lisa recently posted Your Skull is On Its Way.

  341. Can’t.stop.laughing. Eff. punctuation.

    The husband just told me he wants a bear head over the bed. We could be TWINSIES! Or just s’up at each other at bear head conventions. Whatevs.

    Stace recently posted It's a bit revealing but....

  342. You need to read this post from a swedish blogger, I think you might be soul mates. She posted it just a week ago, what are the odds?

    http://www.karinskonstgrepp.se/2013/09/svarplacerat.html

  343. Never heard of you, but saw my brother share this on FB….was fucking hilarious….just ordered your book…

  344. “50 Shade of Bat-Shit Crazy”…certifiably. Should be the title of your next book.

    I needed my damn inhaler after reading this one!!!! LOL!! :D

    PattieBrynnHultquist (@ChronicBadass) recently posted Canadian, Level: Badass.

  345. I love how from far away Beartrum is all badass bear, but up close he looks like an Ewok! Beartrum Higglebottom Tum Tum!

  346. I love this so much!

  347. For a nice and exploring on-line above several working hours presently, having said that i in no way discovered almost any appealing document such as you. It is actually charming cost sufficient to me. In my opinion, in the event virtually all internet marketers and web owners designed excellent content while you have, the world wide web will be considerably more handy than previously.

  348. WAY FUNNY! YOU MADE MY DAY! I WOULD PROUDLY HANG THIS IN MY OFFICE, AND COME UP WITH SOME CRAZY STORY ABOUT IT WAS BETWEEN ME AND THE BEAR, LIFE OR DEATH, LOVE IT

  349. 353
    Kristen Carter

    Seriously, THE best birthday gift you could have ever given me. Today is my 30th birthday and I am in tears from laughing so hard. The hubby and I are currently at a standstill and your story may just convince me to give in… He wants a mermaid. Like the kind from the front of a ship. So I guess I could just say yes, OR I could say only if I get to buy a bear head!!

  350. I bearly recognized you with that head on your…head. That’s beyond rad! I want one too.

    Linda Roy - elleroy was here recently posted Twisted Mixtape: Friends of Mine You Need To Hear.

  351. You are awesome. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time and September has been kicking my ass. I usually lurk and read your awesomeness and your always interesting comments. But today I just had to say thank you. And welcome Beartrum Higglebottom (awesome name by the way) to the madness.

  352. You got gypped – that store needs to get up to speed on the Constitution. You have a right to….wait for it….BEAR ARMS!!

  353. Screw HGTV for office decorating tips. I’m looking at pics of your kick-ass office and awesome bear head and am inspired.

  354. you absolutely must come shop with my bff Margo and me. We shop for everything together but I’m not allowed to put a bra on my head anymore. (it was really padded and my ears were cold.) We can’t go to Office Depot unless we’re disguised because of the ‘happy dance’ riot when we found the clearance table. Other than those places and a few others we can go nearly anywhere and bring joy to all!

  355. Ok, I laughed so hard I needed a change of wardrobe. This was just about the funniest thing I have ever read. Thank you.

  356. Now you have made me want to go out & look for a bear’s head.

  357. Eff yeah, San Diego!!!!!

  358. 363
    Judi Waldeis

    I so wish I lived in Texas and could find super cool stuff like you! You cannot find stuff like that in Ohio…believe me, I have looked!

  359. OMG…you have grass again….was that the wrong thing to get out of this?? And pretty sure your cat was pleasuring itself…just saying…..

  360. I’m dying laughing! I expected the head of a brown bear that you’d find here in Maine. That’s an effin’ bear on steroids! And he looks thrilled to be living with you!

    Crystal recently posted My Favorite Pins of the Week: The Worst Inventions EVER.

  361. AMAZING. My favorite is a toss-up between your profile pic and the bear head peeking in the window!

  362. 367
    ellemichelle

    your lawn looks beautiful! on another note: great bear story!

  363. 368
    John B in Atlanta

    This article was my introduction to your writing. It had me laughing so hard there were tears coming out of my eyes and stuff threatening to come out of my nose! Well, I finally recovered. Now, I just got off the phone after having an argument with my Mom for not telling me I had a SISTER!

  364. I….can’t….breathe……omg. tears rolling down my face, I snorted, i gagged on excess spit from laughing so hard and wheeze-laughing. I have to go lie down.

  365. And that was my much needed happiness for the day :) Love to Beartrum!

    Veronica recently posted Sweet Talk. With Peach Cupcakes..

  366. Why don’t my cats ever act that interesting? They lead such a sheltered life. I laughed so much, I hurt myself.

  367. I need to meet you. You are made of atoms of awesomeness of a whole new kind. Seriously. I couldn’t bear not laughing out loud while reading this blogpost. Seriously.

  368. This is so fabulous! I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since Beyonce.

    Melissa recently posted A Corrective Experience.

  369. Don’t ever change. Keep doing you.

    Melissa recently posted Casual Friday the 13th.

  370. 375
    DaisyDesigner

    Beartrum must have had an awesome orthodontist. His teeth are lovely. 75% off…Hah!

  371. 376
    Dotty K Phipps

    You are a woman after my own heart! I would’ve fought you tooth and paw over this beauty if I’d found him first. And I love his name but I’m thinking Beartrum Hiddenbottom would’ve been my choice ’cause his bottom is hidden, see? Get it? Oh well, I always seem to amuse myself more than others. :(

  372. Dear Bloggess,
    Thanks for reminding me to JUST BE SILLY IF I Fu–oops, let me rephrase that–if I feel like it! I’m sure Erma Bombeck is smiling down from heaven. Love to Beartrum and your long-suffering husband.

    best,
    Cathryn

  373. We have never met. I have never read your blog. But girl, you are hilarious and we are meant to be friends. xoxo Elaina J

  374. OMG…..I just laughed my ass off and might have peed a little. I think you look beary hot wearing Beartrum!

  375. Beartrum must go on trips to places unknown and send back pics

  376. 381
    unmitigated me

    That bear head is very slimming on you.

  377. Oh my AWESOME!!!!

  378. Thank you Jenny – laughter was needed today. You are becoming iconic, you know :)

  379. Good god you’re hilarious. I don’t see why anyone would NOT want a bear head. And good call on bringing it inside… Furries are scary. I’ve seen My Strange Addiction.

  380. You’re awesome. Why couldn’t you move into my neighborhood in michigan? I’d totally let you walk around my yard in a bear head.

  381. I absolutely loved this post. Thank you for the snorts and snickers! However, the OCD part of me insists that I note that “drug” is incorrectly used in this post. Unless I misread it, and you meant to say that you had to drug Victor before he dragged the box out. (Or maybe it’s a Texas thing) ;-)

  382. Sure, superficially it might have looked like yoga, but Ferris was bowing–deeply–to the bear head. In Beartrum he recognized the totem of an ancient, animistic god, and as a cat of great good sense, he felt the need to pay homage to such a holy object. Also, of course, he just likes screwing with you.

  383. perhaps Ferris was reading Craigslist? I just started to catch my breath (lost when laughing too much) when I’d read the next thing. Now I’m wheezing and surrounded by damp tissues (from crying from laughing so much). Thank You. LOVE your new picture !!

  384. So AWEsome.

    I’m still intrigued by the pony chandlier, though…what did it look like?

    Love the post.

    Prevail~Tattoo Girl (and Prevailing Brain Bleed Goddess)

    Tattoo Girl recently posted Suicide.

  385. That bear had a very good orthodontist. At one time, he must have been with a family who loved him. Probably, they loved him until the chandelier pony came along, who was, most likely, a total accident. I know how he feels. But I digress. Can you taxiderm (taxi? taxidermatize? taxiderminate? limostuff?) a tarantula?

    chickens consigliere recently posted Big Dreams.

  386. I really wish you were my neighbor. That is all.

  387. I just read this out loud to my husband. He’s pretty much on Victor’s side, but I think you’re the bomb. Thanks for the laugh! :)

  388. Nothing will ever tear you apart, especially since he has no paws to tear at you with and they are definitely the most dangerous part of the bear.

    I would play so many jokes on people with that bear head.

  389. You know, I’m having an absolutely shitty day. This was the complete anti-shitty thing I needed.

    Thank you, Bloggess and Beartrum.

    (and Victor)

  390. I think it’s obvious that Ferris was bowing in honorific deference to the undeniable magnificence that is Beartrum Higglebottom!

  391. Thanks for making laugh today! This is one of the many reasons we love you!

  392. Jenny, I have never met you, but I love you. Honestly. If you ever come to Wisconsin can we have margaritas or something? I promise I’m not a stalker, just someone who needs to laugh more and embrace the weird.

  393. And by weird, I mean awesome. Totally, totally awesome.

  394. He has human teeth! Bears have pointy teeth. That is really freaky.

  395. This has to be one of the best blog posts I’ve read in a while! Love the play by play. :D

    Nicole recently posted Book Review: The Reluctant Blogger.

  396. Oh my actual gosh. My kids are wondering why I’m screamy giggling. And of course, then, I can’t show them Ferris doing, uh, yoga…I’m supposed to be the Grown Up when we’re home alone.

    I’d totally leave Beartrum in the bed. Then when you’re showing guests (or prospective buyers) around, you can be all, “…and in here is where my mom’s been staying–Oh, my GAWD! Lock the door, lockthedoor, lockk it! LOCKTHEDOOOOOR!!!” You’ll have way less uninvited overnight guests, and yes, everyone wins. ;)

    BWAHAHA. Oh. My. I needed this today. Thank you!!!

    stef recently posted Ugly Shoes.

  397. You are so fucking wonderful. This is hilarious and i want one.

  398. HAHAHAHA I haven’t laughed this much and this hard for quite some time. Thank You!!

  399. Beartrum and Beyonce Forever!

  400. You are just my hero. That is all.

  401. I’m so glad you write a blog. This just made my afternoon. I love laughing out loud at work. You rock!! And so does that bear head. I’m secretly rooting for him to live in the bushes, or in the guest bedroom (if it’s raining outside, of course).

    Rebeka recently posted Monday Night Grouplove Love.

  402. Thank you so much for making me laugh…at the library!

    izza recently posted Review | Red Sky in Morning.

  403. HAHAHAHAH love this! Him peeking in the window is the BEST!! Wish we were neighbors.

  404. I have not laughed that hard in years. YEARS!! Thank you for that. Best Post EVER.

  405. When I saw him in the bed, all I could think was”mmmmm-and THIS bed is just right! LOVE IT!

  406. I just plain adore you, Jenny Lawson. Never change.

  407. Everybody wins indeed, thankyou Jenny :)

    Kim (@frogpondsrock) recently posted Open your hearts Australia..

  408. Interesting that you have determined just by a head that this bear is male. Tool.

  409. If the links to the crystal pony chandeliers are the same as the one in the store, the bear is the better choice. Beartrums is not only handsome but versatile. I thought Ferris was worshipping at the presence of all the awesomeness until I saw the closeup. If you ever decide to give up blogging (please don’t) , you could be a personal shopper/ interior decorator. If so please come do my house.

  410. This is *literally* my favorite thing I’ve read in a long time. I someday hope to have a Beartrum of my own.

    Valorie recently posted Guest Blogger: Alex from Animated Ambition.

  411. I love you.

    This post makes me believe in humanity again.

    Omg. Laughing. So. Hard.

  412. Snort, snort! LOL! This was the funniest part of my day. Love it so much. Be careful about allowing your new friend to use too many of the guest bath towels. Bears…they’re like pigs.

    Heather recently posted “Gimme a Y! Gimme an O!” Seriously…Gimme some common sense..

  413. I haven’t laughed this hard in a good long while. THanks for the heart workout!

  414. 419
    Phaedra Bonewits

    That bear looking in the window actually made me laugh out loud till I had tears in my eyes, which I assure you I don’t normally do. It also made me realize that my eyes were really dry and the tears made them feel much better. So it’s all good.

  415. this just made my afternoon! Also, I feel like I need a giant bear head now lol. He’s the happiest bear without a body I ever did see! Congrats on the new addition to your family!

    erin ronald recently posted Powers Of Deduction.

  416. So I’m having a serious talk with my sister , iPad in hand,phone to ear. Really interesting conversation
    when the pics come in focus. Cracked me up. And I could not make her understand !
    Thank you !

  417. I especially love the juxtaposition of the bear head with the lovely dress…because it perfectly showcases that you’re VERY fierce…yet adorable.
    Also, you’re admirably brave, ‘cuz that bear just scares the bejeebers out of me…

  418. You are the cutest, funniest, coolest, awesomest, most hysterical, hilarious girl I know of….and damn can you tell a story?!!
    Love you ever so!

  419. I laughed so hard, I started choking. Thanks for that!

  420. That made me snort un lady like out loud almost as much as Beyonce. Thank you for keeping things (un) real!

  421. Okay, the part about the neighbors thinking you’re furries had me laughing so hard that I chocked on my own spit and nearly died.

    Amy recently posted Friend Makin’ Monday #4.

  422. 428
    CompassRing (@CompassRing)

    WAY better than the freaky Northampton clown.

  423. Thanks…I so needed that laughed. Threw me into an asthma attack but totally worth it.

  424. This was such a funny read. I LOVED IT!!! Need to subscribe to your blog. I needed a good laugh after my anxiety and stressed out day. Thank you!
    Dorrie

  425. Love it!

  426. 432
    Ember Blackwell

    The tears started at Ferris the Yogi, but by the peeping bear photo, I considered wetting my pants.

  427. After the difficult couple of days I’ve had, that was just what I needed.

    Jenx Byron recently posted Something Blue is Something Extraordinary!.

  428. Totally yep.

    x10

    million

    thanks for this.

    i needed it.

  429. Am I the only one to notice how slimming a bear head is? I might need to get one.

    Wooden Monkey recently posted My brain in leaking..

  430. 436
    Broomrider1964

    I want to come over and play, please. I will even bring my Ellowynes and Beartrums can pretend to eat them.

  431. Laughed my ass off. :)

    Kim Wombles recently posted My Bunch.

  432. Okay, I don’t mean this in a critical way, I mean it in a good way:

    You remind me so much of me when I’m in a bipolar manic phase, but without the bad parts. I think your childlike wonder is absolutely fantastic. I wish I could stay that whimsical. I know the wild, free feeling very well, and seeing you experiencing it in a way that can bring joy to other people is beautiful. That is all.

  433. I see the family resemblance!

    Marinka recently posted My Kid’s Homework is Trying To Kill Me.

  434. Oh I needed this today…and Ferris is totally being um a naughty kitty! In other news my husband showed me this video (http://www.wimp.com/leopardpurrs/) and now wonders WHY I kinda want a leopard!?

    Courtney recently posted Yay lists! I *LOVE* lists!.

  435. OMFG I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I really think you need to move Beartrum back to the guest bedroom. He really did look happiest there.

    Kate W recently posted Women of Power.

  436. If you get a giant old aquarium, you could turn him into The Face of Bo(eartrum).

  437. There are not nearly any good enough words in the English language to convey how awesome this is.

  438. Beartrum is awesome, but I’m more tickled about your realization that 8 = amazing. They’re why I teach 3rd grade, and always will :)

  439. Laughing so out loud my dog started to bark! Had to text all my sisters and tell them to be sure and read it, even tho one just got back from Maui at 6AM and is seriously jet lagged! I feel sooo sorry for stuffy dull store clerks who are clueless- I walked into a pricey little shop Saturday and there stood a BIG. METAL. CHICKEN!!!! I screamed “Oh my god, it’s Beyonce!” The two girls (I’m sure they were named Buffy and Missy) looked at me like I was from mars. I said, “you know, Beyonce, the big metal chicken? The Bloggess????” They both looked like they had small turds under their noses. I just turned and walked out. Can’t deal with that kind of ignorance.

  440. I am just sick that you, standing in the yard wearing Beartrum, singing Teddy Bears Picnic, was not recorded for posterity. BTW, how is Jean Claude?

  441. I love all things happening here.

  442. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. This was one of the BEST.POSTS.EVER! Thank you for that :). You’re so awesome.

    Sydney recently posted Just a quick one….

  443. I had a crappy day today, complete with calling my H.R. to report being sexually harassed. I came home sad, depressed, and in a funk. You made me laugh out loud and feel 10,000 times better.

    It’s kind of like you’re still in H.R. ; you just get to wear bear heads now. I count this as a win for everyone.

    Thanks, Jenny :)

  444. Where do you go shopping? What is this wonderful store that has crystal ponies and giant bear heads?

  445. Thank you for making me laugh until I cried. You are the bestest medicine for a bad day. Next time you start having doubts about yourself, remember that your blog is sometimes the best part of my day. I am 100% sure I am not alone in feeling this way. And it’s not that I have a shitty life, cuz I don’t. But you have the ability to bring on a hysterical laugh even on days when I think nothing could possibly have that result. So THANK YOU! Keep on being you! :)

  446. yes. this. especially the unwrapping of this.

    Meg recently posted Little Critters (live edition).

  447. I love it. I think Beartrum is very handsome. I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Thanks for sharing.

  448. thank you.

  449. My four year old enjoyed this. I mean, I didn’t read it to him or anything, he just liked looking at the pictures over and over and OVER again and pretending to be scared.

  450. My god, I haven’t laughed this hard since the day someone sent me here to check out a post about a metal chicken called Beyonce. I thank you.

    ‘Hellooooo’

    *snrrk* Priceless.

  451. I love your awesomeness!!!

  452. OMG!!! I think you are so fucking awesome!!! I want to be best friends with you and run around the neighborhood trying to come up with all sorts of places to put this awesome bear head!!!
    As I was reading, I can tell you that nothing prepared me for the actual pictures! I mean, I don’t really know what I was imagining in my head, but it was nowhere near as big as it actually was…and it was WAY MORE AWESOME in pictures! I so wish I could see it in real life!!!!
    Thanks for giving me a great laugh tonight! And this soooooooo ranks up there with “Knock, knock, motherfucker!” I think Beartrum and Beyonce need a photo together. :)

  453. Paragraph 1 I was hooked; P2 I was laughing out loud; P4 I was peeling my pants; P6 Husband was ready to leave the hotel room; P7 I was in pain; when Victor said “what the fuck is wrong with you” I agreed but not in the way Victor meant; P10 I could barely finish reading before clicking Facebook to follow this writer. Now, the glass of wine and dessert martini I had just had at dinner may have contributed a bit to my reaction, but I still think this is the most brilliant writer I’ve ever read.

  454. Ferris Mueller just wanted to make sure he still smelled fresh.

  455. This is the best damn birthday present you could have given me.

  456. Hahahahaha – oh my god – I fell off the sofa I was laughing so hard. Perfect. Just perfect.

    You, Victor and Hailey are too awesome for words. Well, apparently not, but they seem inadequate for the joy you gave me with this post.

    As always – all my best – and thank you!!
    Molly

  457. Holy crap on a cracker, that bear looking in the window made me lose it. I may have nightmares tonight, but it will be totally worth it. That is filled with awesomesauce.

    Misty recently posted The Quest to Fall Out.

  458. I WILL GIVE YOU $75000000 FOR THIS

    Sarah recently posted Blurbs.

  459. Bloggess, you are divine!

    Kelly Greene recently posted The Great Pumpkin.

  460. Words fail me… but giggles don’t! You rock Jenny & you are my people.

  461. You make me laugh like no one else! Thank you!! ????

  462. I started reading, laughed, laughed some more, laughed so hard I frightened my cats, laughed so hard I stopped breathing and was just miming both breathing and laughing, and finally almost wet myself. Thank you. Totally, wickely, awesome.

  463. I found one very similar head
    HERE
    it’s just not as happy. Also; $595. So, way to bargain hunt!

  464. BEST POST EVER since Beyonce! Haven’t laughed that hard in a long long time! Thanks Jenny. cheers

  465. OMG! I WANT ONE! He is the BESTEST THING EVER!

  466. You are the most awesome person in the history of ever.

    That is all.

  467. It doesn’t take much to make me piss my pants.

  468. This is simply amazing. I need to find stores with Giant Bear Heads!

    Desiree Michelle recently posted Hold onto your Cell Phone boys and girls.

  469. I’ve had the weirdest week. 32 Elvis impersonators in town, (complete with their adoring fans) at the restaurant, tons of catering, doing football concessions, my daughter doing God knows what at college, I can’t find my navel anymore. And now this. This. I can’t tell you how often I think of Ferris, miss his antics so. And then, fun times frantic antics starring you and Victor, AND a new bear head? I was in tears tonight when I got home. And there you were. Thank you thank you thank you. I really needed that. If you ever get in a slump, please refer to my question when you were having the ask the bloggess series. Hopefully you will chuckle, I mean it DOES involve David, one of your favorites.
    Much admiration, a chef in the south. Kathy.

  470. Forget the bear! You have shapely legs! Lucky, lucky you!

  471. I cracked up laughing throughout this entire post… ADHD rules!

  472. Thank you for the joy you bring in to my life! The picture of Beartrum peeking in the window made me laugh until my sides hurt. Keep spreading the joy, because you are sending healing out into the world!

  473. I can’t even tell you how badly I want to go shopping with you. That shot through the window is just too much. Dying over here.

    Wombat Central recently posted The Eyes Have It.

  474. Sirius Blackbear?

    So okay, it looks more like a Grizzly bear… but black bears can be brown.

  475. I don’t know who you are but this made me laugh so hard I could barely control myself…Love you tons!

  476. You look really skinny in that bear head.

  477. Jenny,
    So Glad that you are having some “Up” time. Cherish it and hug your people for no damn reason other than the joy of it.
    Dave

    Dave Huss recently posted Week #3.

  478. I lost count of how many times I broke out in helpless laughter while reading this post! I so needed that. You are already the funniest, and then your commentary sends me over the edge of hilarity. Every. damn. time. It’s a talent, I know that. Amaziballs.

  479. Bear looking in window…freakin’ best thing EVER. ever. really ever. I mean it.

  480. You are awesome! And on your nephews birthday none the less! I think another trip south is due to see what else you have been up to….LOL

  481. Shoulda known better, but I read this while eating. I almost died, but it would have been worth it.

  482. Oh my word! I am laughing so hard I can barely see. You are awesome.

  483. May I just say that Beartrum is amazing!

  484. 490
    Fanny_Trollope

    That bear head makes you look really thin. I just thought I’d mention it. Everybody really does win.

  485. The awesomeness is strong in that bear. I laughed so hard at the bear looking through the window.

  486. That bear head makes you look super thin.

    Lea recently posted revel and languish.

  487. Prior to reading this, I had my 3 cats warmly curled up beside me. After the 3rd spontaneous combustion of laughter, they hit the road with evil eyes, so now I am cold and a little afraid to go to bed as I know that is when they will seek their revenge. But it was totally worth it.
    Any chance you’d like to attend BlissDom Canada in 2 weeks? But not tell anyone it’s you, just wear Beartrum and hang out in the sessions. I’d know it was you, of course and would do my best to sit at your table so I could just giggle at your bear noises. Oh my God, I’m grinning just thinking about it…

    Jackie recently posted Making My Jitters Find Some Bliss.

  488. Sweet Tittyfucking Odin, I want to be a creative, funny, awesome blogger like you.

    Also, Beartrum is EPIC, and cool, and I think he should stay in the guest room. :D

    Mina recently posted I want what I want….

  489. Some people have all the luck! I am in SA and will pay an exorbitant rental fee for Beartrum. Would love nothing more than to follow up last Halloween’s performance of “Scary Bird Lady” with “Teddy Bear’s Picnic on LSD”. At the very least, I need to know where you scored that bargain. Knowing that he is being properly appreciated is some solace. BTW, some children (and parents) at my kids’ school know me only as “Scary Bird Lady.” Oh and don’t go to the Spirit Halloween store and ask where they keep their beaks because apparently I am the only person to ever ask that question. Lying bastards.

  490. You look awesome Jenny :)

  491. My best friend shared this with me as my husband and I have had many a conversation like this over purchases I have made. I actually snorted out loud at work when I read this ….cause I get it

  492. This entire entry was BEARY AWESOME SAUCE! Cats just improved it to CATASTICAL BEARY AWESOME SAUCE

  493. That is probably one of the best profile pictures I’ve seen in a long time. Excellent find, and to believe THEY didn’t even WANT him. Ridiculous. No one appreciates fine art anymore.

    Kelly recently posted Lasagna is the Reason I Have Trust Issues.

  494. 500
    OldFatUglyButQuiteIntelligent

    OMG! That bear head makes you look like you lost 45 pounds! I gotta get one. Very flattering look for you.

    I will re-read this post anytime I need a lift.

  495. I just read that out loud to my husband and I’m not sure I’ve seen him laugh so hard in YEARS. Thank you for that gift. He clearly needed it!!

  496. LMAO!! Tears rolling and my husband looking at me like I’m weirder than usual! Thanks Jenny.

  497. 503
    Denise in Va

    SO glad you are making this your profile pic ! That was my first thought when I saw it.

    It’s 1) flattering – your torso, legs and arms look feminine, and the dress is pretty and girly; and 2) it’s the perfect angle for Beartrum–you got his best side.

    Perfect !

  498. 504
    Chris Nelson

    For the record (in case Victor sees this), I don’t know who you are; I have never seen you before (or if I have, I wouldn’t know it because I’ve still only seen you with someone else’s head); I’ve never read anything else that you’ve written. I love you.

  499. I have never followed a blog before, until I stumbled across yours. It started with the huge chicken, which made me laugh until tears were pouring down my face. Beartrum Higglebottoms has truly made my day, my week, my month. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! The icing on the cake was Ferris Mewler…LOL. You are such a joy!!!

  500. Ooh dear gawd! I have a migraine. I should never have read this. Do you know how much it hurts when you snort with a migraine? Actually not much more than the actual migraine. Just enough to remind you that your head can hurt a little but more even with a migraine…

  501. 507
    Neil Frandsen

    Now, I can tell my buddies that there is a barefoot female, safely married, who has 2 cats, and wrote about buying an oversized Grizzly Bear Head from a specialty Lighting Store {well, they did have a $6,000 Chandlier for sale}. Her search for a good Bear Display Place is ongoing, to the delight of her cats…
    Sine _I_ enjoy Garage Sales, where I get stuff, such as a PalmOne Tungsten E2 (an anudder 1) for $3, or a Waterproof Olympia Digital Camera for $20, including 2 Travelling Rechargers, 3 spare batteries, an indoor Recharger, plus a Link Cable so it can converse with my Computer. Well, not my Win7 machine, which is either snobbish, or afraid of a superior operating system, and refuses to converse with the Palm.
    Oh, and _I_ am a retired Seismic Surveyor, living in Lethbridge, Alberta. And Global Warming is bunk.

  502. Better watch it with that profile pic. You’re going to be in the thick of the bear’s head kinksters.

    Also, you have nice gams.

    iris de mallemarok recently posted You’ve gotta have boobs if you want to impress tycoons and rubes.

  503. I believe that I laughed so hard that my eyelids flipped inside out. We often had the same problem with deer heads. They thankfully have found a home on the wall, however, I think they clown around at night when no one is supervising. We will wake up and they have Christmas ornaments on their antlers and crazy hats and feather boas around their neck. I swear we need to put cameras downstairs so we can catch the instigator. Some of our liquor is missing too… What to do, what to do!

  504. 510
    Michelle in AZ

    Supposed to be grading papers but am laughing so hard I can’t. THANK YOU

  505. You always make me laugh until I cry…Beyonce was the reason my wife and I got together, and Beartrum may be the reason our marriage lasts. I’ll just have to read her this story once a month or so. :)

  506. The first few paragraphs of this post made me laugh so hard I cried…. and it just got better. Now my stomach hurts. I would like to thank you for the most enjoyable ab workout… EVER.

  507. A girl and her bear, could there be anything sweeter?

    Anna recently posted Erev 9-11.

  508. I love this because wine

  509. First time I have ever seen your blog…..I soooo want to have you….& the bear…over for coffee!!!

  510. I want this for Halloween. Knock knock mother f**ker

  511. OMFG!!!! THIS WAS SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!! THIS IS SOOOOO SOMETHING I WOULD DO!!! I SO WISH YOU WERE MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

  512. So funny!

  513. When you started this story, I thought – with a thrill of hope – that it was the mounted head of a bear my great-grandfather killed, which my great-grandmother kept in her house (a piece of paper on the back reads: ‘Last bear killed in the Blue Mountains’) and which caused me to shriek and go into hysterics every time we visited her when I was a child. I believe my exact words, insofar as anybody could understand what I was screaming, was “BEAR’S GONNA EAT ME!!!”

    The bear’s head passed from my great grandmother to my grandfather, and when he moved into a care facility, my mother GAVE IT TO SOMEBODY SHE HIRED OFF THE STREET TO HELP PACK THE HOUSE. :( At least if it’d wound up in your house, I’d have known it was in a good home.

  514. I love it that you are comfortable being silly in public and that your husband will humor you.
    Thank you for the smile.

  515. So funny- love it. Laughed so hard I cried and couldn’t read anymore!! Keep up the good work!!!

  516. 522
    Amie aka mammaloves

    I doubt you will ever see this comment way down here, but you’ve heard of Bronies, right? Consider it part of Victor’s education. And you’re welcome. Xoxo

  517. Holy shit that’s awesome!

  518. Tears running down face! Thank you for lifting my spirits!

  519. Jenny, I freaking love you. And really, girl? WTF? Why aren’t there any pics of Beartrum with Beyonce? I mean, you’d think they’d be natural allies, seeing as they both enjoy freaking Victor out through random windows. ;)

  520. MADE MY DAY!

  521. I seriously miss you, so much :-)

    rachel recently posted Mouthwatering Mondays {Week 19}.

  522. This post is filled with SO. MUCH. WIN.

  523. You are nothing short of awesome. I thoroughly enjoy reading everything you write, but on occasion, with posts like this, you go above and beyond.

    Thank you!

  524. First of all great choice for a new profile picture. Secondly, I see Victor doesn’t appreciate the nuance of bear in guest bed like a happy BEAR-ito. Sigh! Thanks for the laugh. Enjoy Beartrum.

  525. you. are. awesome.

  526. I haven’t laughed this much in a very long time. Thank you so much for the pictures. My husband kept saying, “what are you laughing about in there?” each time I scrolled down to see the next one. I love it!

  527. Nobody puts Beartrum in the corner. And nobody stops Ferris Mewler from licking his genitals. *sigh* Lucky.

    Julie the Wife recently posted Had a Hairball.

  528. ha ha ha ha ha ha……

  529. After a fairly lousy day, I’m reading this on my couch, laughing like an idiot and probably disturbing the rest of my family while they’re trying to sleep. Thanks, Jenny. I needed that!

  530. Oh, oh, it hurts from laughing so hard. I actually had to stop reading, get up and walk away so I could stop laughing and come back and finish reading. It didn’t work very well because I sat back down and the image of Beartrum looking in the window made me crack up again.
    Best. Post. Ever.

  531. Bear is very sliming. I totally want a “red dress” moment in the bear head. :D

  532. You… are fantastic!

  533. I was shriek-laughing so hard my suitemate came into my office to check on me. I couldn’t talk, so I pointed at the bear-in-the-bed pic. He shook his head and left. Anything that can render him speechless is made of tripledoubleultimateWIN. Thank you, and thank you, Beartram.

  534. 540
    Maureen Lacey Hawks

    This is an outstanding story!!! I love it & love the fact that you did exactly the kind of things I would do!! I have brought home stuffed squirrels, formal portraits of dead people in caskets, surrounded by their “loved” ones(Great Halloween game…who killed the poor slob?) & the infamous Statue of Liberty lamp with a clock in the base. Finding the lost & lonely is the very best kind of shopping!! You Rock, Sweetie!!

  535. 541
    kathi wright

    that is the cutest, the f*g most awesome dang guest bedroom i have ever seen. y’all rock…

  536. All I can do is sit here, typing, and trying to catch my breath from laughing while I’m singing the Chicago Bears fight song, because it seems appropriate to sing that for Beartrum, I think…my boyfriend would describe this as “Tam’s having a moment right now.”

  537. i needed this. thank you.

    Delilah recently posted Fun Times With The Flu.

  538. Oh my gosh….best thing I have read in ages! I must ask…what’s a furry? (I assume it’s dirty like the meme I saw recently about the grandmother looking up bukkake…I mean, who knew there was a name for that. Seriously, come on people. And now I’m afraid to use the internet because this is a work computer after all. So instead of Google I’ll ask you nice people.)

  539. I found this…not sure it’s dazzling but thought you might get a kick out of it…. http://chandelierhorse.zxq.net/about.html

    Thanks for making me laugh tonight :)

    Wendy N recently posted Still playing with the camera....

  540. Holy crap. I read the first paragraph and was in a rush so I just looked at the pictures. It forced me to make my first comment here. This is just too awesome.

  541. Victor needs to just bear with you.

    Major props for having the patience to take unpacking photos. I used to do craft swaps, and the instant my package arrived I’d rip that shit right open. Then I’d feel like a bad swapper because everyone else was posting all those unpacking sequences shot in their perfect shiny homes, and mine was just photos of my unwrapped haul spread out on a rumpled bedspread with cat hair on it.

    Jodes recently posted The Letter: staying in touch.

  542. I’m laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes and can’t talk well enough to even TRY to explain to wife why it’s so FREAKIN’ FUNNY!!!

    Beartrum peeking in the window is DA BOMB.

    I’ll have you know that we were in an antique shop where one seller had at least three dozen heads of various animals up, and I thought of you — especially when it came to the leopard pelt. I have a feeling it wasn’t humanely killed, though… and it was nearly $2,000, so I had to pass it up.

    I would SO love to have you as a neighbor. Why aren’t more people like you living in this boring neighborhood? No one dances in the yard wearing a bear head. (Although a guy down the block saw my “Bow Ties Are Cool” t-shirt the other day and said, “HEY! Are you a Whovian?!?” He was delighted. So was I.)

    Kats recently posted 100 Blog Posts - #28 - Thoughts on God.

  543. 549
    Susie Broddle

    Yeah – I don’t know how we’re not friends. Don’t care about the fact that you’re not in NC – I only care about the fact that NONE of my neighbors – NOT ONE – has yet to wear a bear head in the front yard. Just saying.

  544. OMG I needed that post! So fucking hilarious! I am bawling so hard! I love you both!

  545. Thank You so much! This was just too damn funny!

  546. Wearing that giant bear head makes you look like you have the body of a SUPERMODEL! You have convinced me to buy one just like it and wear it all the time.

  547. Is that a new lawn? It’s beautiful!

    I am in love with Beartram and every one of the ways in which he was posed in this post.

    MILF Runner recently posted #disneyland #familyfun #HAPPY.

  548. OMG.. Thank you Jenny. I laughed so hard I now have a headache!

  549. I wish I was in that house right now (but not in a stalkery way- just because your hanging housemates are overflowing with awesomeness). Victor thinks your neighbors may be shocked, but I promise most of them read your blog and are all OMG I AM NOT SHOCKED BEARTRUMS IS SO COOL I WANT TO COME OVER AND PET HIM. But their “normal” and “sane” husbands said no.

  550. Beartram in the window says…”knock knock mother fucker”.

  551. It sounded so much like your Giant Metal Rooster post that I was waiting for a pic of Beartrum outside Victor’s study window! Poor Victor…

  552. The bear should be a bargain because it is LIterally 75% off — not only hysterically funny, but a nice dig at the appalling overuse if the word literally. Well done. I have learned to not read you at work because your humor, like The Far Side, cannot be explained. You either get it or you don’t. I get it and I thank you for making me guffaw.

  553. It’s nice to see you cheerful again, even at the expense of a bear’s last chance at dignity.

  554. As I was reading I was thinking, “Aw, shit, she accidentally bought a fake bear head” then I saw the photo and realized, nope, that is fucking awesome!!! Well played, good lady, well played.

  555. So I was just about to de-friend a family member on facebook because she posts every 5 seconds and I am literally tired after reading her crap BUT then she posted your latest post (redundant, yes, I know) which I had already read & spit-out-my-drink laughed…. and now?? I love her more than ever. Do you see how you bring families together? Priceless.

  556. 562
    donna reynolds

    OH MY FUCKING GOSH I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

  557. At first I just thought “Surely the bus driver is used to things like this by now” and then remembered you have moved. Now you have a whole new audience to entertain with bears heads and lost pet rattlesnakes….

  558. Oops, I meant post=post is redundant, not you. Sharing my shit always makes me sound like an ass on paper. sorry!
    Ps, why do I need a website? i dont have one-or perhaps I am way over my head & confused here

  559. As good as “knock knock motherfucker”. I don’t know if someone already said it…because there’s 500+ comments already and I need time toread all of them.

  560. I want to go shopping with you. I’d be a much more fun wingperson than your hubby, who I am sure has many charming qualities, but he does seem to have a wet-blanket quality that does not make for optimum shopping madness. Me, I could get with the madness. We could snort and shriek and point at weird merchandise together, and get thrown out of stores together. It would be just like Thelma and Louise. Only without the going splat at the end part. Whaddya say? There are so many larger-than-life fiberglass animal heads waiting to be rescued!

    Ellen Brenner recently posted Intimations of mortality.

  561. I like your new bear head. By the way I think Ferris is smelling his own farts. I’m pretty sure about that as I heard and saw a woman doing that beside me tonight in my yoga class tonight.

    Lori recently posted Hair Raising.

  562. So there are a zillion and one things to adore about this post and about Beartrum, and I think he will end up in the guest bedroom one spooky night, and that will be awesome as shit. But the really amazing thing to me is that all his teeth except for his canines (ursines?) are human-ish shaped. Not shaped like humans, duh, but shaped kind of like human teeth. That’s the amazing thing.

    Jayne recently posted To Fail to Plan, Planned Parenthood Northwest....

  563. oops I didn’t meant to write tonight twice. Sorry for Jacob TwoTwo-ing that

    Lori recently posted Hair Raising.

  564. This is hands down the best blog I have ever read. I seldom laugh out loud, but I may have actually peed myself! LMAO! My daughter asked me very politely to shut up because she was trying to concentrate on her reading! If I find a female bear head can Beartrum stud?! Lol.

    Gillean Ollsin recently posted The Woman In The Mirror.

  565. I hate shopping. It doesn’t matter whether it is for dresses, jeans, shoes, swimsuits, or the current bain of my existence, cars…I HATE SHOPPING. That being said I would go shopping any day of the week with you, and twice on Sunday. I see you one bear face and raise you this gem http://nachista.blogspot.com/2013/09/everyone-needs-hobby.html

    The Suzzzz recently posted Lollipop Guild.

  566. Thankyouthankyouthankyou! My day was shit until I read this and laughed until my stomach hurt.

  567. The best part of the pic of Ferris Mewler doing..whatever it is he’s doing, is the painting behind him, looking on disapprovingly.

  568. This has to be the best and funniest blog I’ve read in a long time. Beartram is irresistible. Who the hell cares what the neighbours think?

  569. 575
    Karin & Kritters

    I’ve been a veterinary technician for 25 years so you can believe me when I tell you that Ferris is working on his BJ degree. You may wish to contact Professor Dick to discuss this delicate matter. In the meantime I’d suggest that Victor have a talk with Ferris.

  570. I love you and your entire universe.

  571. This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. It even had my “not very easy to impress” hubby guffawing .Thanks for that!

  572. This is the best blog post EVER. A smiley bear, a cat hiding his face in his genitals for some random reason, an incognito disguise for when Victor doesn’t want to be recognized on your awesome blog posts, shaming your child in front of a school bus of kids (and neighbors), and random “candid” bear photos. Pure AWESOME…..

    Stephanie C recently posted Detox days of summer??.

  573. Beary, beary funny!

    LOVE this post! LOVE you! LOVE Beartram!

    Darcy Perdu recently posted Awkward Moment in Psychiatrist’s Waiting Room.

  574. I Am now laughing so hard I am crying and I’m trying to be quiet while doing it as it’s 2 am and I’ll wake everybody up. Thank you!

  575. You have the best husband ever!

  576. This is just too cute. Love your story. Love the bear looking in the window. I read a few of the comments but had to quite I was laughing so hard I was afraid I would wake everyone. Thank you so much I really needed a good laugh.

  577. Not even 8am and I’m trying to get the kids into school clothes and breakfast poured down their little necks while trying to disguise myself as a serious manager and I’m lost in bear-related love. Thanks for sharing…and personally I think you should put him at the end of the guest bed under the covers so when people come to stay their feet wander on to it and they think, how lovely and cosy, a foot warmer – and then when their curiosity piques them and they lift the covers they suddenly realise a bloody bear is eating their tootsies!

  578. This was definitely the best part of my day, and quite possibly my whole week! :) Please never forget how much joy you bring to people.

  579. Thank you. I needed cheering up this morning. Consider that spot well and truly hit :-)

    patently recently posted Embarrassing....

  580. Your lawn is beautiful.

  581. I made it thru 1/4 of an apple before I had to stop eating because I was laughing too hard and couldn’t chew, laugh and swallow all at the same time.

    I think you owe me 3/4 of an apple :D

  582. Comment 1: Why oh why, when they said “yours for 75$”, didn’t you say “include a photo of the pony chandelier and you’ve got a deal!”? I would so like to see that!

    Comment 2: Upon seeing the third picture from the top: Hahaha, you are definately crazy!

    Comment 3: I wish you were my friend. Come live in Norway!

  583. Fucking awesome! I love the bear head – and they’re hard to find these days, especially at bargain prices.

    Sean recently posted Step right up: Southwest School of Art hosts carnival night.

  584. I’ve never commented here and you have probably received this already, let alone found it yourself, but I just have to send you this link to taxidermied genius : http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/gallery/2013/sep/13/curious-world-walter-potter-pictures-taxidermist-victorian. <3

  585. You have completely and utterly cheered up a day that was promising to register high on the shit-richtor scale (the shictor scale?) – so a very big THANK YOU to you and Beartrum Higglebottom. May he continue to freak random normal people out whilst providing joy to everyone else for a very long time indeed.

    Tonia recently posted Transcribing Lives.

  586. I BOW TO YOUR AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!

  587. Omg… The picture of you with Beatrum on your head is classic. The best Beartrum in the window! God you have a great sense of humor. Your husband just doesn’t get it…..! roflmao!

  588. It looks like Beartrum was fitted with human dentures. He is more likable that way.

  589. 596
    touchmibutterfly

    Hahahahaha fuck, I love you!

  590. I’m at work and people around me don’t know if I’m laughing or crying as I can’t talk from my hysterics and I have tears running down my face… how funny are you? can’t believe I only just found your blog!

  591. 598
    Cheryl Vincent

    Your profile picture should have a little Beartrum caption “Does my head look big in this dress?”

  592. I never knew I liked giant Bear heads, but I have come to the conclusion that ‘they rock’ and now I want one of my own, oh the fun we could have. So glad you got it. Look forward to seeing it on your blog frequently.

    Wellington Chic recently posted Review: BlueAnt Q3 Premium Smartphone Bluetooth Earpiece.

  593. Oh my Lord, my stomach hurts from laughing! I love your long posts, and this one was enhanced with pictures so I feel like I’m high right now! Winning! The picture of Beartrum peeking in your window almost made me pee my pants, and the cats are hilarious! xo

    Lisa Reuss (RandGMom) recently posted Mother's Bracelet, Family Bracelet, Made to Order, Personalized, One of a Kind (OOAK) by GeorgieGirlJewels.

  594. You totally need to come to NW OH, where one of the local water parks features a moose head in the lobby that sings to passersby in a voice like Barry White. Yes, really.

    Betty Winslow recently posted Blue and White China Beaded Necklace by BettysBeadSoup.

  595. Thank you, I don’t think I’ve ever laughed that much during breakfast. It’s possible I’m delirious from getting up at 4:45 to go for a run, or that I am suffering some kind of brain injury from running in 40 degree weather in September, but either way. This post is awesome.

    Gretchen recently posted Tomato Sauce.

  596. That bear has human teeth. Which has elevated his status immeasurably.

    Lizzzzsnort recently posted Short Due to Sickness, Not a Short Sickness.

  597. It has been a terrible week so far and things are about to get worse. So it was a blessing to read this post this morning. ((hugs)) and a thousand thanks to you, Jenny. I so needed this today!

  598. Awesome post!!! (Let me know if you’re ever in Montreal.) Hugs :-)

    Mona (Moxie-Dude) recently posted I’m not over the hill. I’m over the hard parts..

  599. The Godfather would have been WAY funnier if they’d left Beartram in the bed instead of that creepy horse head.

  600. And you, Jenny, made ME happy. I am nearly in tears at my desk, and not the bad kind that have been plaguing me recently. Thank you!

  601. I laughed so hard I cried this morning. Thank you. I love starting my days like this!! You are so awesome!

  602. I especially love the bed picture and the picture with him staring through the window. You are awesome.

    Cindy Lynn Speer recently posted Melodie Campbell graces our blog today. :).

  603. I love you! This is the best blog post yet – and I read your blog every day.

    I think Beartrum is beautiful and is so totally happy that you rescued him. :)

  604. I laughed so fucking hard at this, my face hurt. The Taxidermied Robot Mouse was my favorite post, but I think this one just replaced that.

    Thank you, Jenny, for being who you are. And big thanks to Beartram, that handsome son of a bitch.

    Michelle recently posted Hormones and immigration control.

  605. LOVE THIS! It’s hilarious, wonderful, and fantastic. I love how you have both live animals and creatures from…different beginnings. Can you photograph Beyonce and Beartrum together?

  606. thanks for the giggle…….I almost wet my pants =)

  607. “Giant Bear-Headed Woman Terrorizes Quiet Suburb!”

    This is how the National Enquirer gets its news, Jenny. So, you see, you are really helping stimulate the economy by providing literally tens of people with jobs.

    awesomesauciness recently posted He Tocks In the Treetops.

  608. This is exactly what my bedroom wall is missing. It would definitely add to any atmosphere: passion, romance, celebratory hunting nap, really just anything. Jealooooooous.

  609. Pure awesomeness. I need to Pin this!

  610. Thought the bear made me snort with laughter until I saw Ferris hiding his head in shame. Coffee through nostrils = pain in sinus.
    Blessed silliness :)

  611. You are so funny. The photos are great and so ARE YOU. It’s raining, the sky is grey, I’m tired but you made my day :-)

  612. omg – $75? How could you NOT buy him!

    ArchitectDesign recently posted You too can live artfully with Marjorie Merriweather Post!.

  613. I just fucking love you. period.

  614. Just when I’m stuck with a day…that’s gray and lonely….

    OMFG THERE’S A BEAR….WHO HAS FIBERGLASS HAIR….

    AND HE IS LOOKING IN YOUR WINDOW TO SAAAAAAAAAYY…..

    HI MY NAME BEARTRUM HIGGLEBOTTOM

    You will never know how much I needed this.

  615. Jeezus. Never, EVER, change, Jenny!!!!!! Best blog ever.

  616. Jenny don’t ever change. Love the rest of the tribe

  617. It’s really too bad his backside wasn’t for sale also. You could have hung his head in one room and his backside in the adjacent room. Then, when you stood in the hallway between the rooms, it’d look like he was passing through the wall. Alas…

  618. Thank you or making me laugh today.

  619. First thing I’ve read from you. Laughed my ass off! Don’t stop. I love you…but not in a weird way.

    Paul recently posted It doesn't take much to make me happy. .

  620. You are the most hilarious person ever. xoxoxo

  621. You are awesomeness, and so is that bear. I MUST have one. Want to be my best friend?

  622. OMG!!! You are so very very funny! I admire you so very much! Plus I am very happy to see that you have lovely green grass in your front yard now!

  623. That was awesome! Victor must be a very patient man.

  624. If I could bury my face in my genitals, I’d never leave home.

  625. @Julie, I noticed the grass too! Good thing too, there isn’t much money to make with dirt farming.

  626. I totally wish you were my best friend!! We would have so much fun together. Love you Jenny!! I am so going to have to find my own bear head to play with!

  627. I was feeling very down this morning and someone very kindly sent me a link to this post. My tears turned into tears of laughter. Just what I needed. I’m just glad I wasn’t on public transport ;-)

    sleepydwarf recently posted 12 of 12 september 2013.

  628. This has gotta be one of your funniest posts ever – I pee’d a tiny bit reading it! xos

    SusieR recently posted No Butts About It.

  629. omg, I am seriously crying. This is so fecking awesome. I love you. (Too much? Ah, well. It’s okay. I know you feel me.)

  630. I love the bear looking in the window. That makes me happy even though I haven’t finished my first cup of coffee and usually grouchy.

  631. That was one of the funniest things I’ve read in forever.

    Ruth Hull Chatlien recently posted Book Review: Dialogues of a Crime.

  632. Oh my god, I am SO IN for a $75 bear head! Does the store manager ship? Gift wrap? This is absolutely one of the best buys of the century, and the right person could make a bazillion dollars selling quality bear heads at $75 a whack.

    Anonyvox recently posted Guest Post: Business Trip from Hell.

  633. Thank you for being who you are…
    Thank you for cheering me up on a bad day.
    This is why I check your blog every single day, becasue I don’t want to miss posts like this.

  634. OMG!!! You’re HYSTERICAL!!

  635. I laughed so hard I cried. Which was great because I have dry eye. Now I am happy and have moist eyes. Win, win.

    Sue recently posted Bogie and Angel playing tug of war.

  636. I’m sitting here literally laughing out loud with tears streaming down my face. At the same time I’m sad because I finally realized why my life is so empty: I don’t have a giant bad-ass bear head on the wall.

  637. At least it’s not towels.

  638. Did you notice that Beartrum has vampire teeth? Like human/vampires? They’re all straight and like he’s had great orthodontia work, and not pointy at all, except the two fangs. He’s a vampbear? Bearpire? Anyway thanks for the laughs!

  639. You always find the best stuff. At the best prices. I am so jealous. Oh, btw – I know you’ve been working on losing weight, and at the risk of sounding like a super creepy stalker… I notice you have lost weight. You look great. Sorry, that was probably awkward, but I just wanted you to know. I know how freaking goddamn hard it is to do all that freaking goddamn losing weight work. You deserve to be applauded for doing it. Hugs!

  640. Best blog i’ve ever read, best 10 minutes i’ve ever spent!!!
    pure awesomeness, oh man, i love you

  641. I never thought I would say this but…I want to cuddle your bear head.

    CC recently posted Karl in the Hizz-ouse.

  642. This is the first time I’ve visited your blog – and it won’t be the last!
    You have the ability to make the ridiculous sound quite normal. Love it,

  643. so, no lamp then? ;)

  644. This is the funniest pee-in-your-pants laughing post that I’ve ever read! THANK YOU for being you. xoxox

    Superpam recently posted The Four-Two Crew.

  645. You are fantastic! Thank you for all that you do! You just made my day AWESOME!

  646. Oh my… I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard since you introduced Beyonce with “Knock, knock Mojtherfucker.” Even my 4-yr old noticed me in hysterics, so I showed him the photos (as he’s not quite ready for the audio-version of the posts) and he was reduced to a fit of giggles. He especially appreciated Beartrum in the guest bed; my favorite is him peeking in the window. SO FUNNY! I seriously wish we were neighbors, Jenny.

  647. I am thinking we would make really good friends…you and me.

  648. goddammit you’re hilarious.

  649. Funniest. Post. Ever. I’ve been feeling stressed out this week but this made me so happy and laugh hysterically. This has made my whole week! Thank you!! :-)

  650. After a full day of validation testing, THIS is what I needed to read. LOVE the picture of Ferris Mewler with his head between his knees. Do you think he was kissing his ass goodbye? Anyway, i may have to drink less with my dinner than I would have had to otherwise, so thank you.

  651. I will say that after reading this I immediately googled “chandelier shaped like pony”. After the various adds for chandelier and lighting stores the first two results were you, the second was some other blog that read as the description “the robots will not let you read this text” and the third one was 10 craziest pieces of human shaped furniture. The little bit of descriptive text said mentioned a chandelier shaped like a penis so I declined clicking that link at the time because I was on my laptop in public. But ohmygosh, there’s a door knob shaped like a hand. (and that was my little adventure? XD )

  652. 1. A store that dares to have a chandelier of a life-sized pony is in no position to bat an eye if people take pictures. I mean… wut?

    2. give back the bear. It may look awesome, but it’s a fake.

    3. that is an awesome profile pic. Kid you not, that was my thought when I saw the first pic.

    4. Thank you for the laughs, I wasn’t expecitng to laugh today.

  653. The best post! Thanks for making my day :)

  654. Love it. Just love it!

    Jenn recently posted Apparently Fall Foliage Season starts today.

  655. And that post makes me very happy. I want a Beartrum for myself and my kitties to play with, too!!

  656. They say laughter is the best medicine and I’ve just had a good dose of it today! Thank you!!!

  657. You my dear are my hero! And honestly Victor is a saint. hahahaha! I can’t tell you how happy this post made me! I am smiling so much my face hurts. That and I’m dealing with some serious TMJ lately so it hurts anyways. But you made me smile and laugh through the pain and for that I thank you!

    LeAnnWoo recently posted T-25 Break.

  658. 667
    LittleBlackRaincloud

    I love you. You make my day ! I wish I was your neighbor.

  659. You know how you hear about kids who do job shadowing gigs? I’m not exactly a kid and, I don’t know, is being you a job? Either way, I totally want to shadow you in a non-creepy way if it’s possible.

    Seriously. I could groom Beartrum each time the kitties knead his face.

    Amanda recently posted Power of Two.

  660. HAHAHahahahah good post. If I had $8000 to blow I would really want the pony. But i would definitely pay $75 for that bear head it is great! As an unrelated compliment, your house looks so clean and fresh and organized and uncluttered.

    Spy Garden recently posted 28. How Not to Teach Yoga.

  661. I have to say that I’ve been struggling the last few days with my inner demons and today I just kind of threw my hands in the air and gave up. Until I read this. Thank you for bring laughter and awesomeness back into my life. Beartrum is amazing and you truly are a gifted writer – you’ve brightened my WEEK!

  662. Thank you. I didn’t know how much I needed that laughter.

    You are awesome,

  663. Find a doll that looks like Goldilocks and place it in Papa Bear’s mouth. Even as a child I thought Goldiloks was a deranged criminal.

    Mitzi Sorensen recently posted You Might Be A Writer If . . ..

  664. OMG i think I just found my sister from another mister! YOU ARE BAD ASS i love it!

  665. That was awesome. I felt bad that I wasn’t spitting coke all over my screen laughing. – UNTIL “hello, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior yogi bear?” Thank you Eva for making Jenny even funnier.

    I love the shot threw the window, and yes – your daughter is full of awesome. Congrats on the new Find and I think that Pony Chandelier is over the top. You want the one that was at Kentucky Horse park last year for the big show. Saw a picture of it – awesome….

    Tammy recently posted My office......

  666. This made my day. I especially loved the photo of Beartrum looking in the window. My own home’s windows now seem so dull, with no large animal heads peering in. Not even small animal heads, for that matter.

    alejna recently posted 3 photos of broken glass.

  667. If you want to think I’m a creepy stalker lady, be my guest, but I so totally love you for this post! The laugh that spewed coffee on my work keyboard was so totally worth the stress relief!!

    Keep on growling.

  668. Oh, good grief. I sounded like a god-damned fan-girl in that last comment. I’ll try to keep that crap under wraps next time!

  669. I can’t get over how pretty and green and LUSH your grass looks. Wasn’t it all sprayed dead like a month ago?

    Cassondra recently posted She was the best of friends, she was the worst of friends....

  670. I just scared several people at work. First, with the loud giggle, then with the bearhead on my screen.

  671. I would have brought the Pony Chandelier also and put the bear head on it and hang it from the ceiling. (Great funny blog by the way).

  672. I laughed my ass off. Shared it. Went and read it again, and laughed my ass off again. Literally! (<— note, using new non-literal bullshit definition of literally). You bring me joy.

  673. OMG, I’ve fallen in love with you just a little bit more. Not in a scary way, in a very, very admire from a far, through my computer kind of way. But you are so funny you should be licensed and people should have to sign a waiver before talking to you or reading your blog. Seriously, people could break a rib laughing this hard.

    I heart you, on days like this when you’re all full of silly crazy, and especially on the days when you just can’t get out of bed. You rock, and I’m grateful to know even a small part of you.

    Frankie Laursen recently posted I Confess: I’m Prejudiced (and ashamed of it).

  674. OMG! I LOVE you and Victor! You should take your act on the road! Hilarious!!

  675. love Mr. Mewler.

  676. Congratulations on the fantastic rescue. We are awarding you RESCUE PERSON OF THE WEEK!!! You are Woofy Woo Approved. Your badge will arrive in your email shortly. Many are called, few are chosen.

    TPPC.tv, Pets Teach Us So Much Radio Show, Podcast & Blog recently posted Dog Training.

  677. 688
    Marikalay Aedelos

    That bear is fucking awesome. If I even thought I could fit it anywhere in my bedroom, I would have one instantly.

  678. But have you gone waltzing with him yet?

  679. Thank you for making me cry at my desk. I needed that!

  680. Thank you for being the one thing that temporarily made me laugh as I try to figure out how to keep my house and two dogs on half my currently salary on what has been probably the most helish (as well as the most damaging to any chance in hell I ever had of having a career) day I have ever had the misfortune of continuing to berate myself over. Only thing we can rely on is that little flickering light of hope right?

  681. You’ve had so many comments that you’re unlike to read this. But Bearum post was such fun. When the assistant said he was 75% off I feared he meant decomposed. Either your husband dines out on anecdotes about you or divorce is nigh. So glad I’ve found you. Your great gran needs her rollers back now. X

    Rosalind Minett recently posted Apocalyptic Fiction.

  682. HOLY CRAP THAT IS THE MOST FANTASTIC BEAR HEAD EVER!!!!

    Emelie recently posted Help Me, Duckies. You’re My Only Hope..

  683. BEST blog post EVER !!!!!!

  684. The too-short minute it took me to read this post was pure delight. Everyone wins.

    Burns the Fire recently posted A Family Tree.

  685. I’m unbelievably disappointed that his name isn’t Beartrum Wilberforce Wooster! I mean, really.

    He obviously needs a Valet. Maybe Reginald Beaves?

  686. I am crying because I am laughing so much while reading this post. The picture of him in the guest room was too much!

  687. The real question here is: is there video of you dancing and singing in your yard wearing a bear head? And if so, is it on youtube yet???

    Jess recently posted Fest Food AND The Weekly Stupid Wrap Up.

  688. i love victor, even if most of the time he doesn’t understand you, at least he’s willing to argue bears in a store with an 8000$ pony lamp. that says a lot.

  689. Too funny… I could “bear”-ly contain myself…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s