Not much of a surprise, really.

Conversation with Victor at a flea market:

me:  Ooh, look.  A severed snake head inside a glass egg.

Victor:  I think that’s a crystal ball.  It says your future is all full of rattlesnakes.

me:  Huh.  What’s yours full of?

Victor:  Also rattlesnakes.

me:  Aw.  At least we have each other

Victor:  Yes.  Us and all these angry rattlesnakes.  How incredibly comforting.

 

119 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Dude, that’s Nagini’s head after Neville chopped it off. BUY NOW.

  2. Dang! I want Nagini’s head. Wonder if I can find it in GA?

    Brittany recently posted Hewett.

  3. You bought it, right? This one you couldn’t leave behind.

  4. make Lucius Malfoy feel like a punk ass bitch – put THIS on the top of a pimp cane. *nods sagely*

  5. Is there something wrong with me that I want that? It would make a hell of a Christmas present for the aunt I don’t like very much.

    Wendy recently posted Golden Snowflake Bottlecap Necklace by NerdyNecklaces.

  6. My Opa had a giant ‘paperweight’ – a glass hemisphere with a rattlesnake head in it. For the longest time after he died & my family inherited it, it was used as a door stop for the bathroom at my parents house. I lost track of it. Now you have made me want to look for it again, and if nobody is using it, I want it. Thank you, Jenny, for reminding me what is really important in family – who gets the severed-snake-head-in-glass.

  7. My babysitter had one of those when I was growing up. So I’m not sure if I’m full of fear or nostalgia.

  8. Let’s hope there’s no ereptile dysfunction in your future.

    Sharon recently posted Lauren’s Hope and a Giveaway.

  9. 9
    Michael Berrier

    You have the best flea markets. We never get severed rattlesnake heads in crystal balls in San Diego.

  10. I feel like it would be wrong for you to leave Sir Hiss-A-Lot behind in a flea market. I mean, it’s the holidays!

    Marianne recently posted Blinded me with science.

  11. Thanks for this morning’s heart attack and tonight’s nightmares. I see a need for Xanax in my future.

    thedoseofreality recently posted Pinterest Nightmare #327: The 2013 Holiday Style Guide.

  12. The only thing that would make it better would be if it were a snow globe.

    Sean recently posted Bathroom Humour (or Sanitized For Your Protection).

  13. You know…like Sir Mix-A-Lot, but he’s a snake:
    I like big fangs and I cannot lie…
    You other snakes can’t deny…yadaydadayada

    Marianne recently posted Blinded me with science.

  14. I’m very slightly disappointed as I had expected the end of this to be “and of course I bought it.”

    JFargo recently posted 'Tis The Season!.

  15. 1. Sharon wins the Internet. :D

    2. Pretty sure that beheaded snake is going to send me back to therapy.

    Chi Sherman recently posted Play me a memory.

  16. He’s not comforted by that? Maybe if the snake wore a hat.

    whiskeypants recently posted Foster Care.

  17. I wish flea markets here were half as interesting.

    Angela Heidt recently posted TweetDeck Ends Support for Facebook Tuesday.

  18. Did you buy it?!

    Kathleen recently posted Joyful Furious Flower.

  19. Holy Crap! Your Flea Markets are so much more interesting than the ones here in Southern California.

    Kit recently posted Mini-Book Pendant - Breakfast at Tiffany's by Kits.

  20. I needed a lunchtime helping of LOL, thanks Jenny :)

    Jean Parks recently posted How to Create An Instagram Collage in 6 Easy Steps.

  21. a dead rattlesnake is a good rattlesnake

  22. I just woke up from a nap…something I NEVER get to do..and found my future is full of rattlesnakes

    Ragemichelle recently posted Narcissism And Lying.

  23. And they’re ANGRY Rattlesnakes. Would it kill the Rattlesnakes to get an attitude adjustment? I mean, I know they’ve been decapitated but still.

    Kat recently posted Snow.

  24. would have been better as a snowglobe

    Snod V recently posted 26/30 – Conversations with a nurse.

  25. He doesn’t look angry to me. He looks like he’s smiling. So you have happy rattlesnakes in your future. Which might be worse because nothing good can come from something that makes a group of rattlesnakes happy.

    TechyDad recently posted To Disney Infinity and Beyond.

  26. That is an angry rattlesnake. Of course, if the last thing I ever saw was someone coming toward me with a machete and a glass ball, I’d probably be pretty pissed off, too.

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Winter Happens, People.

  27. I, for one, welcome our new Future Angry Rattlesnake masters.

    Jeff Clough recently posted Gifts for Geeks (and a TGIF Wrap-Up).

  28. I need something put in this photo for scale. Just how big is this severed rattlesnake head?
    I’d like to know what I am up against in my future…

    (It could swallow a small adults hand. Start running now. ~ Jenny)

    Melissa recently posted We Put Birds On Things!.

  29. I just want to say what a comfort it is to me that I’m not alone in my quest for things that others find weird and off-putting. Love it. One of my most prized possessions is a pair of beautifully framed taxidermied bats.

  30. It’s OK. My future is full of stoats. So is my present.

  31. Having had several baby rattlesnakes in my house over the years, I am not amused by this fortune!

    itzybellababy recently posted Balsam Hill Green Monday Deals Event up to 50% coupons!.

  32. Wah! I couldn’t look at that all day. If there’re rattle snakes in my future, I’d rather not know.

    Manicmom recently posted A Little Rant on Santa.

  33. 33
    Heather Greywolf

    OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!! They used to SELL these in the store near me as a kid!! Lechmere (a New England chain of retail stores) had these along with butterflies. (So you could either use the embodiment of sweet innocence or venomous death to hold your papers still.) I remember wanting one of these *SO BADLY* when I was a kid and my parents thought I was freaky and morbid and wouldn’t buy it for me. PLEASE tell me you bought this, Jenny … my childhood dream has to live on SOMEWHERE!!!

  34. He’s very bitey.

    Smokeynall recently posted The First Goalie Post..

  35. I wonder if it’s that large for real, or if the glass makes it look bigger.

    Keaven recently posted Tired and alone..

  36. Gah, I’m stuck here in the Austin ‘burbs and I nevereverever find *anything* remotely that fan-damn-fabulous! I’m still bummed that my daughter swiped my alligator skulls and refuses to let me put their elf hats on for the holidays. I think the least she could do is get me something like a herpetological crystal sphere!!

  37. Your commenters are some of the most clever people I’ve ever read in my life. Sometimes they are better than the post itself (not because your posts are bad, OBVIOUSLY, but because the comments are just that good).

    Kelsey recently posted 11 Great Things Walt Whitman Said.

  38. Hi Jenny,
    I ran across this Pinterest board and thought of you http://www.pinterest.com/battyjenn/taxidermy/

  39. 39
    Mike Richards

    Okay can I get a broad idea of sense of scale (ahem) here? I mean is that thing like a glass marble in which case I can relax, or more like the big rolling ball that chased Indiana Jones in Raiders (which he’d totally hate if it was filled with snakes)?

  40. Please, please, PLEASE tell me you bought this!

    (Sadly, I did not buy this. I didn’t have enough cash on me at the time and when I came back the next week it was gone. I can only hope it went to someone who saw cake and booze inside it. ~ Jenny)

  41. This totally beats the preserved tarantula in a jar that my father had when I was a kid.

  42. FUCK YEAH!
    You Texas people have the most awesome flea market shit. We get broken hockey sticks and smelly couches, and you have all the fun.

    Lisa Victoria recently posted crochet:: a little thing called a mid-life crisis.

  43. Now that we’ve all seen it, I think this means everyone’s future is full of rattlesnakes.

    Barbara recently posted Tell us how you really feel.

  44. Please tell me you bought Nagini’s head

    Vicky Frankland recently posted Weekly Wish List 2.

  45. Have a “friend” that is in desperate need of a nightmare and/or heart attack?? Get this and leave on the table next to their bed, for a fun filled morning!

    Erica B recently posted I'm old and young at the same time, I guess.

  46. I would straight up give that to someone as a gag gift this Christmas. But if I gave it to a Harry Potter fan, I could just put it on a base with a special plaque that said “Nagini’s head.” That’s how I save Christmas in my dreams.

    Katy Bug recently posted Black Friday Is Stupid, So Shop Online! Coupons, Anyone?.

  47. My father had a stuffed and mounted piranha on his desk for years, which was given to him by a coworker. My father was also a lawyer. Thinking there may be a connection between those two things…

  48. I have to agree with Sean and Snod – Snow Globe Snake Head would make my life utterly complete. Jenny, please tell me you bought it?

  49. Did you buy it????? That’s the million dollar question. ;-)

    Crystal recently posted Ladies Only Blog Share Link Party: These Crazy, Stressful Holidays.

  50. Is there a globe with his tail and rattle? Now THAT would be awesome. Then your future could be full of rattlesnake rattlers.

    Megan M recently posted the medal..

  51. I love you and Victor more and more! I’m sorry you didn’t get to add this to the collection.

    Sue recently posted November is Over?.

  52. @ Megan M,
    Texans know that the rattles were turned into jewelry and the body became stew.

  53. The first thing that popped into my head was “well, at least it isn’t the Headless Horseman.” Which makes somewhat less sense than rattlesnakes in your future (I mean, you DO live in a state with a rattlesnake population…I’m 99% certain I do not live in a state with Headless Horsemen, but I’m not 100% sure).

    Obviously I need more wine today.

    Jess recently posted UPDATED: Yahoo Seems To Think I'm a Lonely and Confused Dude (or in the midst of a spiritual and sexual identity crisis).

  54. i never considered dead stuffed things as a home decorating option until i started reading your blog. thanks for opening up some options for me!!!

  55. Seeing stuff like this (Reptiles) makes me glad to live up north now. I am from Florida, where there are a lot of REAL snakes. Here in Ohio, people point to these worm-like creatures and call them snakes. Um, you don’t know snakes.

    Lisa R. Petty recently posted Giving Back to the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

  56. I wish we had cool flea markets. Ours just sell stolen power tools and bicycles, daishikis, feathered roach-clips, and 50-cent paperbacks. Psychic taxidermy…totally rad.

    MILF Runner recently posted A MILF Runner Holiday Gift Guide....

  57. So if your future is full of rattlesnakes, does this mean you’re heading into politics next?

    Karen Peterson recently posted And the 2013 Blog Award Finalists are....

  58. Oh my gosh. I’m having trouble imagining who thought of this idea. “Snake!! Kill it! Kill it-Kill it- KILL IT!! KILLLLLLITTTTOMIGAWDITALMOSTGOTME!!!”

    *pause*

    “Hey. Let’s save the head in this old snow globe thingee.”

    Yeah…Good times.

    stef recently posted Of Black Friday, Shakespeare, and Sit-Ins....

  59. None of this stuff ever seems to appear at our flea markets in Florida. Any kind of gator part you could want, yes, but never in crystal balls.

  60. Just saw this and had to share with you. They are truly hideous! http://imgur.com/a/fhuPr

    Sue recently posted November is Over?.

  61. If you didn’t quite want to commit to the snake’s head, I have a sucker with a scorpion in it you can have. I’d give it to you for free.

    I don’t know what it would say about your future though.

    Laurie recently posted Holiday Decorating in Five Minutes.

  62. I AM SICK OF THESE MOTHERFUCKIN’ SNAKES AT THIS MOTHERFUCKIN’ FLEA MARKET!

    Sorry about that. The spirit moved me.

    The Hook recently posted 5×5 With The Hook: Miss Four Eyes.

  63. I typically support your flea market purchases and am quite jealous of them, but I’m not sure I support this… I’m probably going to have nightmares just from seeing it! Did you actually buy it?

    Ashleigh recently posted Unexpected Friendship.

  64. What I want to know is, what kind of crazy ass stores do you shop in? I never see such goodies available, just boring old sweaters and such. Do you think you need anymore craziness in your life, because if you do, well, then by all means buy it. After all, it is this same craziness that keeps you in business. Just sayin’…

    Robin recently posted Farewell to Fall.

  65. I have one of these, although not as round shaped, mine is more egg shaped. I don’t remember where I bought it new, although on the bottom it still has the sticker saying “Nature Gems” plus some blah, blah, blah. He resides on top of our stereo speaker.

  66. That is the most awesome thing EVER.

    Shawn recently posted Rabbit weddings, it's a thing.

  67. My husband has the snake crystal ball on his dresser (from when he lived in Texas). One year he made Christmas tree ornaments out of real rattlesnake keychains. Kind of awesome if hard to describe.

    Beth recently posted Not much of a surprise, really..

  68. By the way, how much were they wanting for it? Oh, no particular reason, no reason at all. *whistles innocently *

  69. Ah well, I hope it went to a buyer who could make better use of the warning.

    Anubis Bard recently posted December bees.

  70. Evidently, I need to get my ass to the flea market.

    I really had NO idea.

    Kristen Mae at Abandoning Pretense recently posted Gratitude, Unexpected.

  71. My dad used to work in fiberglass and he and his buddies would encase random things in the resin for fun. We used to have spiders and flies and all manners of things. Wish we had kept them. They grossed me out and amused me at the same time.

    Susan recently posted License to Frump.

  72. Rattlesnakes are in your future too. We’re so lucky.

    Lovelyn recently posted The War on Christmas.

  73. 75
    John Kirkpatrick

    Rudolph the Red-Nosed Rattlesnake

  74. That would be a cool “stick shift” ball….or whatever they’re called. T:)

    T:) recently posted What is Man that You are Mindful of Him?.

  75. “The Rattlesnake Prophecy is the physical sign in the sky that the End Time is upon us.” http://www.crystalinks.com/cherokee.html

    At least we were together in the end.

    Luna Lablue recently posted The Hills Are Alive!.

  76. I guess I know my future now…..I have one of those on my entertainment center in my living room. And other than a possible dead mouse carcass in the vent system…that would be my only tribute to the dead animal gods. Wow….I thought mine was unique.

  77. Someone in my family (I can’t remember who) had one of these. Maybe my future is full of rattlesnakes too.

  78. Y’all DO live in Texas. There are many rattlesnakes there.

    Mary recently posted Capitoul Rouge.

  79. My dad used to have one these. I wonder what happened to it, but not enough to care.

    jessie hansen recently posted traveling red dress.

  80. 82
    Ashley Blake

    I’ve read your book (repeatedly). As I recall, your past has more than a normal share of rattlesnake encounters. Since your present has snake heads in glass, I think your future looks pretty good.

  81. There is something seriously awesome about a crystal ball with a snake head in it.

    Rea recently posted Missing Bear!! We have a Missing Bear!! ....and it hasn't yet become the end of a certain little boy's world..

  82. Wondering what to give the person who has everything at Christmas? Give head.

    Linda Roy - elleroy was here recently posted If Lady Gaga Played Maria In The Sound Of Music.

  83. That’s not a rattlesnake… That’s A BASILISK!

    Leah S recently posted How The Hunger Games Saved my Marriage: Part 1 (the drive from Alaska to Louisiana).

  84. If you shake it does it snow venom? Venom Globe.

    Korinthia recently posted Mold-A-Ramas at the Museum of Science and Industry.

  85. I used to feel a bit sorry for Victor. I don’t know how you did it, but he is turning into YOU! Way to go, Jenny.

    Laurie F. recently posted Kindness: The New Normal.

  86. Where can I find one of those badass rattlesnakes in a ball things? …For some reason I want one now…I’m adding this to my ‘Christmas List of things people will probably never bother trying to buy for me’.

    Loki-Lou recently posted BlogHer NaBloPoMo – Outsourcing Work Part 2.

  87. 89
    crazed italian

    Please tell me you bought it….if not please tell them I must have that! It’s perfect for my evil grandmother.

  88. Why do the rattlesnakes in your future have to be angry? I mean unless you plan on doing something to piss off a bunch of snakes…not recomended.

    BTW the magic snake-head-egg-thing totally did you a favour by telling you about your future with snakes. Now you can plan to keep your future snakes happy. (Maybe start raising rats now.)

    Then it’ll only be the snakes in Victor’s future that are angry. And its totally his fault for expecting angry snakes…and neglecting to raise rats.

    Laura recently posted A Good Day Writing Trumps a Bad Day at Work.

  89. That is the sort of thing my students bring in for show and tell. except not rattlesnakes cos we don’t have them in Australia. I make them leave them outside in the port racks in case they suddenly come to life.

    Pinky Poinker recently posted Pinky's call to ban candy canes..

  90. Love your work!

  91. A friend of mine has one! We were thrifting together and I found it on a shelf, grabbed it and tracked her down to say “I think this needs to go home with you.” His name is Jeffrey, and his home is on her bookshelf.

  92. eBay shows one of these sold for sixty bucks in September. Searched but couldn’t find a snow globe version as suggested by several commenters. Rattlesnake Snow Globe would be DA BOMB,

  93. So you’re moving to Sweetwater?

    The Rattlesnake Roundup is awesome.

    If you like being ass-deep in rattlers.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted The Day the Super-Cute Crack Puppies Turned Into Werewolf-Lion-Zombie Duck-Eaters.

  94. During high school, I worked at a summer camp outside of Yosemite for a few years. I was on the maintenance crew, and part of our job was to kill any rattlesnakes in the camp. We did. And then cooked them up and ate them. They taste like chicken. (Unfortunately, I didn’t keep any heads.)

    Anyhow, I’m hoping that crystal ball means my past had the rattlesnakes, not my future.

    Kelly Fox recently posted Fun Fact Friday: Autofellatio.

  95. I’m pretty sure my PRESENT is full of rattlesnakes. Metaphorically, anyway.

    Brenna recently posted Where's Froggo?.

  96. Is Texas The Promised Land? Bc I’m starting to think it may be. Other than the poorly taxidermied “tail” and rattle my dad created after killing a rattler in my childhood, my life has been alarming rattle snake free.

  97. It would be quite frightening to wake up near that!

    QuisMevfvo recently posted How to Live Alone on a Tight Budget. The Story of Rotten Chicken Water.

  98. See the following website….I think the crystal ball belonged to Misty Moser….after opening her frozen beans, she sold the crystal ball immediately. Don’t look in the ball…it’s like ‘the Ring’ only bitier.

  99. http://m.nydailynews.com/1.1530844#bmb=1

    (If that doesn’t work, google Misty Moser snake)

  100. So your future is full of rebirth/renewal/change? Pretty damn cool, if you ask me.

  101. I just love how I can forget all about this blog, return weeks, months, or even a year later, and it’s like no time has passed. At. All. You kill me.

    Ona recently posted Crack That Whip!.

  102. I wonder if I had something like that if it would scare away the live snakes that keep trespassing in my house. Like, “THIS is what happens to snakes around here, asshole.”

    Stephanie recently posted Ice, Ice, Baby.

  103. I love antique stores and flea martkets. Got an amazing ceramic holiday tree covered in pug dogs on my last foray.

    I always wonder just what was in a person’s head when they decided to create something. Like what burning need was there for a snake head in a glass ball? Or even a ceramic tree covered in pug dogs. :-)

    Sue recently posted Computer repair scam.

  104. I think Victor was saying “I know you’re going to want this so I GIVE IN NOW. That way I WIN.”

    Dark Matter Fanzine recently posted Star Wars Bohemian Rhapsody.

  105. So, I guess the real question is: Did you buy it?! If you did, you could send it to an unsuspecting reader! Could be lots of fun!

    Liz recently posted A Better Cinnamon Roll.

  106. My husband’s cousin lives in Nebreska and kills rattlesnakes all the time. He might not mind having a future of them if he could stop having them in the present.

    Frankie Laursen recently posted I Confess: I’ve Used the “N” Word Before.

  107. I have one of these. When I was younger, I used to think it was going to come to life and destroy me/my happiness. Yes, it was just going to burst right out of that ball and hop around and kill me. Totally possible.

    Also, speaking of Nagini here in the comments, we have a very large snake at the school where I work that the children have decided to name Nagini. I’m so proud.

    Allyssa recently posted Oh Christmas Tree.

  108. 112
    Linda Turner

    just wondered if you’ve seen this…seems to be right up your alley!
    http://dangerousminds.net/comments/taxidermied_mice_chess_set

  109. My husband, the snake-phobic dude whom I just tricked into looking at this post, asks me to pass along the following sentiment: Screw you, Jenny. I, however, want to thank you for probably the single biggest laugh I’ve had in days. Except, maybe, when he went careening out of control sliding down our driveway on his butt while on his way to break the dog’s water back into a liquid state earlier today. Because ice and Texas probably shouldn’t mix but it sure is funny when they do.

    Oh, and he didn’t mean it when he said “screw you.” Well, maybe a little because he does hate snakes a lot. But mostly he didn’t mean it. I mean, he’s actually a big fan and mostly you make him laugh (and dude does NOT laugh much). He just gets all grumpy and hyperventillatey about snakes. Especially when I hit him with surprise snakes.

  110. Gotta love the solidarity! But seriously, why is there a snake’s head in a crystal ball?? And why has more than one person in the comments seen this before?? Weirdness.

    Amanda @ Diary of a Semi-Health Nut recently posted Do Apples Wake You Better than Coffee?.

  111. I printed this picture off and hung it in my office’s kitchen next to people’s Christmas cards and family hoop-la. It was ripped down in the first 24 hours. I am sad, but also inspired to hang up a dozen each week until a PSA goes out about the snake-crystal-ball-bandit.

    J.Mill recently posted Jenny Lawson would say this "Is Not A Real Post".

  112. http://dangerousminds.net/comments/taxidermied_mice_chess_set

    Have you seen this thing? Victor! You could set a new standard for your wife’s best present ever! Victor! Why are you giving me that look?

  113. 119
    Samantha Gibson

    I seriously hope that one day my future husband and I have conversations like this.

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