UPDATED – I’m like Katie Couric but less blonde.

A few days ago my friend Erica offered me a press pass to check out an underground 12th century Ethiopian Church that’s being built for the upcoming iFest 2008.  I’ve never been a real “member of the press” so I jumped at the chance. 

 I lost the address but figured I’d be able to spot a giant replica church in the middle of the Heights.  Then I remembered the “underground” part and realized I was an idiot.  In spite of myself I found it and it was awesome.  And by “awesome” I mean “missing”.  Because it had already been carted off to the festival.  But there were still plenty of things to report on.  Like this guy who was painting some kind of an…I dunno…giant tunnel or something?:

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I don’t know what the tunnel thingy was for because while the art director lady was explaining that I was busy telling (the) Monica Danna about the time I (kind of) got stabbed in the face by the Night Stalker.

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Then I snuck into the tunnel with some hot chick whose name I’ve forgotten but I think she works at a museum or something. 

It was very tunnely.

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Then I tried to take notes about ancient Ethiopian culture but I got distracted by some dogs that were humping.

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I’m pretty sure this is exactly how Murphy Brown got started. 

************************************

Speaking of me failing at pretty much everything, do you remember on April Fool’s Day when I decided I wanted to be a political pundit?  Well, the fabulous MOMocrats read that post and liked it enough to encourage me to write a real political piece for their well-respected site so I submitted something I’m really proud of.  I don’t want to give anything away but I will let you in on two things:

1.  The piece is really well-written and includes such gems as “Hillary Clinton:  I bet she gives really bad blow-jobs.”

and

2.  There is no way MOMocrats is ever going to publish that thing.

PS.  Did you write something awesome you want people to read?  Tell me about it.

PPS.  This is not the big exciting post I was telling you about.  It’s coming, I swear.

UpdatedCrap on a crap cracker, y’all. The MOMocrats actually published it.  They must be high.  And awesome.  Someone please go over and comment so I only look like a total moron and not a total moron with no friends. 

Comment of the day:  I have seen those dogs before! I think they do that douchebag frat-daddy thing where they jump in pictures they weren’t meant to be in. I bet they wear their collars popped. F’n d-bag dog fuckers (I could only clean that up so much – sorry.) ~ Ryan

75 thoughts on “UPDATED – I’m like Katie Couric but less blonde.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I seriously have the biggest crush on you. I think I could sit in an empty room with you all day and just laugh my ass off. Actually, if that would work I could stand to be a few sizes smaller. Would you mind??

    PS–You must tell me how you put those cool labels on the photos. I need those skills.

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..How He Became Our Son, Part II

  2. there’s no chance that church and tunnel action is going to be around next weekend? dammit. i will be a week too early. what is that?!?!

  3. How, exactly, did they move this underground church? Was there a big hole left behind? Was that what the tunnel was? The hole left behind when the church was moved? Did Murphy Brown ever sleep with Eldon? Ass?

  4. OK, it is like early freaking morning and Boo is driving me nuts asking me to sing in D minor and I don’t know what the hell happened but there are balloons all over my house and I haven’t had my coffee… but why would you build a church underground, why is there a man making a tunnel out of paper mache and I thought the sun shone out of your arse and not your cleavage?

    OK, off to find some coffee and go see a psychic (seriously) perhaps she can decipher these wonders for me…

    Kelley’s last blog post..Hmmm…. Dr Phil, super hero?

  5. After seeing this and Imeldas’s Flickr photos, I’m definitely marking my calendar for this year’s iFest. But it looks so trippy I may need to score some weed before I go. How do people “score some weed” these days? Do they even still make “weed”? Or is that another thing that’s been lost to the dustbin of my childhood, like Freakies cereal.

  6. For whatever reason (probably because I was high) I missed the part about this being a “…giant replica church…” and for about ten seconds thought there was in fact a 12th century underground Ethiopian church. In the Heights. I then thought, “Well how about that?!” I need to stop buying my weed from tunnel-building lawn pirates.

    Also: dogs humping…heh.

  7. The inside of that tunnel looks like a giant large intestine. You’re lucky you didn’t get digested.

  8. I love you people.

    Liv – We don’t need an ethiopian church tunnel to have fun. Just bring the booze. Also, pick up Mammaloves on your way so I can show her the beauty of picnik text editing.

  9. What part of the missing church was using the disney princess throne?

    I loved the article. I keep thinking how disturbing the capital letter C is.

    HRH’s last blog post..This end up…

  10. my daughter is one of the people helping to build the ethiopian church replica and the cave/tunnel thing.

    she’s the only female on the crew, so, i thought you were referring to her when you talked about the hot chick–which would have been kind of funny because i would have been all, don’t you make lascivious references about my kid, jenny, you of the glowy face…

    especially if you’re not going to include a labeled photo of her.

    but if the photo of the chick in the tunnel is who you’re talking about, you missed my beautiful daughter. (not that i’m pimping my offspring for coverage here.)

    the guy who looks like a stoned pirate? actually plays a pirate in some productions when he’s not working on giant replicas of exotic structures. no shit. he has a funky braided beard and smee-like glasses. i can’t comment on the stoned part because i don’t know first-hand [wasted] but the rest of the building is very cool and worth seeing.

    i’m going to ifest just to see the building assembled. and have some carny food.

    epiphenita’s last blog post..discontent and sustenance

  11. You are of course, more than welcome to do a guest post on TechBlog – just say the word. Knowing how technosavvy you are, I’m sure it will be just as enlightening in its own way as your political post (which was hilarious) was on Momocrats.

    Your Uncle Frank rules.

  12. we ARE totally glowy. is that the official buttonon photoshop? “make glowier”

    dogs humping = awesome
    hearing about the night stalker incident = even more awesome
    finally realizing after hearing the whole night stalker story that you do not, in fact, believe that freddy kruger is a real person = relieved.

    -the monica danna

    monica’s last blog post..(Not so) Good Friday

  13. Dude you are a frigging riot. I was there and missed the dog humping action. Thank GOD you preserved it for all eternity. I will not beg you to be my friend, i want to but i wont. Besides you’re not on Twitter so i cant be your fiend cause ALL of my friends are on Twitter (well not really but we really want your hot ass on there with all the cool kiddos)

    Peace, Love & Light ~ THE True Light Tracey

    Ture Light Tracey’s last blog post..My Personal Mission Statement

  14. Why do dogs constantly have to hump everything? They ruin everything that is sacred with their relentless humping; perfectly good girl scout picnics, church outings, satanic rituals, even spelunking. I’ll be sitting there defending my parenting skills to my mother-in-law and BAM, again with the fucking dogs humping again. Something has to be done.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..The post in which I lose several readers.

  15. I’m not funny today.

    I think underground Ethiopian churches look like caves. There’s paintings of them in my favorite Ethiopian restaurant.

    I was funny on Friday.

    Please don’t hold my unfunniness against me, Your Highness.

    Emily’s last blog post..Clever Human Award: Bobby Henderson

  16. Oh, I’m not so sure about that. However — I would give my left mountain oyster to see you present your signature dish on “Hell’s Kitchen”:

    GR: And, Missy, what is this dish?

    JtB: Crap on a crap cracker.

    GR (vomiting): F*ck me, that tastes just like donkey sh*t!

    JtB: Well, DUH, m*th*rf*ck*r – why do you think they call it “Crap on a crap cracker” anyway?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..UPDATED: Taking Over the Intarwebz

  17. my god i love you so much. i cannot believe your luck in getting a shot of dogs humping in and otherwise “normal” picture.

    i read this to my husband up until the part about you getting stabbed (kind of) in the face, laughing hysterically. he didn’t laugh. there is something very wrong with him.

    piglet’s last blog post..i haz ohpenyun

  18. Dude! That tunnel looks just like the insides of someone’s intestine! So “crap on a cracker” is the perfect bon mot for this post.

    So help me, if Furiousball manages to compose a random and rambling comment about Ethiopian culture into a treatise about rice paddies and their effect on religious iconography, I’m going to start looking for a ledge from which I will throw myself into oncoming traffic. The End.

    AB’s last blog post..Weekend Recap

  19. Jenny, the fact that “Jeremiah” in the MOMocrats comment section didn’t know you were kidding was funny when I read his initial reaction.

    However!

    He has now RESPONDED and still doesn’t get it.

    I’m dyin’ laughin’. You’re killing me with all the funny!

    Hatchet’s last blog post..Twenty Seven Weeks

  20. Pingback: Good Mom / Bad Mom
  21. I’m sorry, I just have to point out that: Have you ever HAD Ethiopian food? No? It’s disgusting.

    Also, your word for the day is: horrisonant – adj. – making a horrible sound. Used in a sentence: “When my husband snores, the effect is positively horrisonant.”

    ali’s last blog post..RAINN and Sexology – pt. 5

  22. I bet they love you over there at MOMocrats – 47 comments on your post and they barely scratch up 10 on a good day!

    And I have seen those dogs before! I think they do that douchebag frat-daddy thing where they jump in pictures they weren’t meant to be in. I bet they wear their collars popped. F’n d-bag dog fuckers (I could only clean that up so much – sorry)

  23. Hi Jenny! It was me in the tunnel – I had a blast at the event, and it was so cool to meet you. I’m new to your blog – but I love it! (And not just because you called me a ‘hot chick’ – though that seriously made my day;) Hope to see you at iFest!

  24. When we moved into our new house I discovered that the previous owner had left his colonoscopy photos on top of the refrigerator. Took me a minute to figure out what I was looking at/up. Oddly, I have never actually seen the man’s face. He wasn’t at closing, and we never met him through the buying process. And, although I have never seen Mr. X, I have seen WAY too much of him.

  25. HEY! If you guest blog on Dwight’s TechBlog you can blog all about your techy things you know how to do on pictures, etc.. that everyone is always asking you about.

  26. The fact that your skin looks absolutely *radiant* makes me want to try a crap cracker ~ is that your secret to a beautiful, clear complection?

    …I want that glowy look too….but without the poo.

    Dianna’s last blog post..I’m not dead (I think)

  27. I couldn’t control the tears that leaked out of the side of my puffy, allergy-ridden eyes as I laughed my ass off at the dogs. That’s quality photojournalism.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Apple Pie FM

  28. Biddy had a link to that other site..I almost peed myself a little cause I was laughing so hard.. I did comment..mine was the one that said Yes to the bad blow jobs..just as Janet Reno.. I know my lame attempt at humor.

    mp’s last blog post..I Got Nothin

  29. So how did they move an underground church? Did they dig it up or something?

    Just a casual observation, but dog #2 is totally faking it.

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