So last year I was totally verklempt to have snagged an invite to attend a pre-blogher party thrown by the cool kids and I spent the entire time I was there hiding in the bathroom wishing I’d brought more anti-anxiety pills. Which is why this year I was shocked to be asked to actually co-host the party. I suspect it’s some sort of cruel joke and that halfway through the night I’ll find myself drenched in pig blood with half-naked girls throwing tampons at me. Which actually? Kinda sounds hot.
Anyway, the hosts this year are famous, hysterical, paranoid, amazing, Canadian and socially retarded so if you fall into any of these categories you are invited. And best of all? Free booze from our fab sponsors! RSVP here, bitches. It starts at 8 and it’s in the Elizabethan Room (2nd floor) of the Westin( St. Francis) where Blogher is being held.
And for those of you who can’t go, I suggest prostitution. It’s an excellent money-maker, plus you can make your own hours. And for those of you who think you’re too good for prostitution (you’re not) we’re attempting to put together a live video feed so we can toast, twitter and chat with you in real-time even if you’re at home but I suck at this crap so someone who can teach me about it who can do this for me please email me and I will be your best friend forever or set you up with a prostitute. Your choice.
This is where I’d mention all the people pitching in to get us tanked but I’m supposed to put that little R-with-a-circle-around-it behind their names and I don’t know how to do that so instead I’ll just show you pretty pictures of them:
Oooh. Pretty.
Now get to hooking people. That plane ticket to San Francisco isn’t going to earn itself.
*PS. Feel free to steal the party button for yourself. Power to the people.
UPDATED:
More sponsors = More booze and swag. Yay for booze and swag.
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So are Fat guys NAMED Houston invited?
Houston’s last blog post..New Kitteh
Absolutely. I can’t believe I left that off the post. Fat guys named “Houston” *are* invited, people.
Is this guy invited?
Jeff’s last blog post..The side effects of watching J-Lo
I am going out to find the BEST corner right now. That’s how it worked in Pretty Woman.
HRH’s last blog post..A Triumph of Motherhood…
WAAAAH, I want to get drunky McSkunky with the Bloggess and co.! (I just totally wrote Blobbess, which would be another great name for a blog!)
FabGirl’s last blog post..Un-Deep Thoughts
J-E-A-FUCK-YOU-ALL-L-O-U-S.
DAMMIT.
Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..little victories
what a great reason to start hookin’! count me in!
Sounds like so much fun! Can’t bring myself to attempt prostitution to make it, but I’ll be living vicariously from Austin, Texas.
Viva the hair dryer!
Oh, The Joys’s last blog post..The People’s Party
That sounds like so much fun, especially if Nina and Star are going to be there. We are avid Sprout watchers in this house and if I were going I’d ask Nina how to say tequila in Spanish.
mona’s last blog post..in which I realize I am not 18 anymore
Are weird foreign chicks invited? If so, I’m in, and wouldn’t mind pimping my store out there too and sponsoring the event some vodka or other refreshment
Katja of Skimbaco’s last blog post..Kukunest Pillowcase Giveaway
Ugghhh! I am both paranoid and socially retarded, and I can’t go. I can’t even live vicariously because my computer doesn’t have sound. I am such a loser.
The Introvert’s last blog post..dogs
Party time!!
Busy Mom’s last blog post..Out of Context Monday
moms is cool. have phun.
pooKIe ADdams’s last blog post..Themeless Tuesday
I will get out to the truck stop and get to work!
Suebob’s last blog post..Adventures in Dogwalking Pt. 63
OMG. I wanna goooooooooooooooo. Social Anxiety sucks people! Truly it does. I WILL be at BlogHer eventually and y’all better WATCH OUT! Have some shots for me!!!!!
NotAMeanGirl’s last blog post..Thank You…
webcam and cameras?? I’m there
Oh my gosh! I have been waiting my whole life for an invitation to prostitution. I can’t believe you finally provided that little nudge I needed. I’m going to be more of a high priced call girl though, because I think “prostitution” is demeaning.
Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Happy Birthday to my oldest baby…
Have a cocktail for me..It’s like the world series of blogging and I don’t have a ticket..so I’ll just watch it on TV.. Have a cocktail for me!!
mp’s last blog post..The new look
You, my idol, are amazing.
Fortunately, I do have an amazing ass, so I’m taking that hooking suggestion to the street.
Velveteen Mind – Megan’s last blog post..The People’s Party! And you are invited!
O.K. I will see what I can do.
Since the truckstop is gone I will have to work the corner across from Hubby’s shop. And that means competing with the FAT wig lady. (Don’t worry even though I am skinny and anxiety laden and scared of everyone I can take that fat bitch.)
I will find you!!!! (In my best Daniel Day Lewis Voice)
Faith’s last blog post..Brutally Honest Monday
Can I expect the same drunken greeting at this shindig as I was gonna get at the cocktail party? Then, I’m in!
30andflirty’s last blog post..I’m Going To Vegas!!
Reminds me of that old awful joke.
What’s the worst job in the world? Assistant Crack-Whore.
I’m also jealous of not getting to party. (Also I quit hooking ‘cuz there was a total glass ceiling/floor ‘cuz of my overachieving head crack-whore boss.)
Greta’s last blog post..Can You Go Blind from Twittering Yourself?
It’s not that I’m against Prostitution or too good for it, it’s more like nobody would pay for this–I’d have to pay THEM.
I’ll just have to participate virtually, I guess.
Sleeping Mommy’s last blog post..Meme Monday: City of Women
If memory serves, this is exactly how Pretty Woman started. Dare I dream?
Does anyone have any contacts in Mexico re: organ donation for a fee?
Oh goodness. If only I didn’t have a wedding that weekend. Can we have a pre-party practice party here in Houston beforehand? On a weekday or a Sunday? Wouldn’t that be FUN???
Christine’s last blog post..Top, Top, AllTop?
Sadly, my hooking days are ovuh – my uterus will probably fall out, at any time, as I learned from J&J – but, I do wash a mean windshield ;o)
Liz’s last blog post..This Full House Giveaway #3: Rememberall
I would be there in a heartbeat if Skybus hadn’t folded and ruined my grand plans. Couldn’t they have held the conference somewhere cheaper, like… Ohio?
Tracy’s last blog post..Estrogen, euphony and domestic ennui
Jenny, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times: Taunting me with Blogher is like throwing sand in my crack. Stop! It! I burn with jealousy and abrasions.
anne nahm’s last blog post..Pop Quiz
Jenny, I went to Guy Kawasaki’s blog to pick up my alltop badge, found him giving kudos to you and a link to Good Mom/Bad Mom, which linked me here. Social Media Domino. Next I’ll be looking for you on Twitter. I look forward to meeting you at the party! Flying in from LA July 17th and at the Westin through Sunday.
@lindasherman
I’ll be there. In the bathroom. Hyperventilating.
flutter’s last blog post..I come by it honestly
Ok. So I’ll definitely be there after downing a fifth of vodka and popping a few xanax. And if I can muster up the courage to come in ALONE (since Steph is having some dinner w/ east coast mommy bloggers) then YOU can muster up the courage to come to eat dinner with us Saturday night. Biz-natch. Just sayin’.
Defiantmuse’s last blog post..Conversations of the past few days…
*jealous*
PS – I can’t email you replies to your comments on my blog if you use bogus email addresses. I’m just saying…
Christine’s last blog post..Top, Top, AllTop?
are you going to have a mini-bar set up in the bathroom?
jennie’s last blog post..The last unused concept for reality tv
I am SURE you do NOT mean me when you mention hooking and plane tickets not buying themselves. If you did, THANK YOU for not linking or referring to Ravenclaw.
I’ll be there and am expecting Mansinthe.
I know you know what I mean because I am sure Victor is a fan of Marilyn Manson.
Julie Pippert’s last blog post..What’s so special about today is…
I’m going to be partying with the lesser-known blogging chicks at the BFF in Niagara Falls then, damnit. Although I’m assured that we’ll be attempting live video feed so we can ogle see you lucky bastads all y’all and your debauchery.
We’ll be the ones with the (large but notfree) booze, smiling through our teeth.
daysgoby’s last blog post..up the road
I’d so love to go. I’ll be at the n00b party that same night. I’m thinking it’s probably the same time, but who knows. Guess I’ll investigate this further.
LA Blogger Gal’s last blog post..Those Dog Days
LA Blogger Gal, the n00b party is going to be just a few flights up from ours so you can do both. Plus, no drunk driving to get there.
Maybe I’ll get myself some of those tigh high boots like Pretty woman, complete with the markered in toes. Oh yeah, and a blond wig too! Yeah, that’ll do the “trick.”
Shoegirl’s last blog post..Manic Monday
Sorry I can’t spell thigh! Let’s try again. I meant “thigh-high” black boots.
Shoegirl’s last blog post..Manic Monday
I’ll be there–count me in.
Michelle at Scribbit’s last blog post..Cue the Dragnet Theme Music
How long to rsvp? Still trying to figure out if I’ll be there or not.
Headless Mom’s last blog post..The State of our Adventures
Every year I think about going and every year I decide not to. This year? Two kids going to college and two new (or semi-new) cars to buy. I could try to scare up some “business” between now and then, but even if I could make the entrance to Trump Tower my Command Central, no amount of frenzied “hooking” would make me enough cash to do what I need to do, let alone what I’d like to do. Even with my passable looks, no one wants to screw a 49-year old writer/teacher. Even I wouldn’t screw me. Ah…elusive fame!
AB’s last blog post..When there just aren’t any words…literally.
Want this badge?
Here’s the code:
*sigh*
Nobody wants an upper middle aged prostitute with hot flashes. I’ll have to settle for the live feed.
shuttle mom’s last blog post..Out Back
Jenny, is it absolutely mandatory that all of us earn the money by hooking? If so, that doesn’t really seem fair, since women don’t seem to want to pay for sex. Plus, when you add in the fact that if those of us who aren’t female were already in San Fran, where we might have a chance of hooking successfully, we wouldn’t need to earn the money to begin with, now would we?
© myocardia™
I love the idea that i could earn air fare to San Fran by hooking. Ha. In this city, incredible lay that I am, i’d be lucky to get dinner. At MacDonalds from the proceeds.
in fact i’m a bit worried about my skills generally as friday night’s date took me to a Wetherspoons (brit bar chain where drinks are sooo cheap that the drunks sit outside with their cans of special brew waiting for it to open.) So, no air fare for me, no second date for him. Hey ho.
HerImperialMajesty’s last blog post..So squishy
Crap. I guess this means I’ll have to dig out my glitter boots and go walk the strip, ’cause so far, I ain’t going!
Boo-hoo!
I only hook for free tennis lessons so San Fran is out of the question.
Awesome. I just gotz me some hooker boots too.
Kelley’s last blog post..…and then my brain imploded.
AM COMING!!!! AM A PEOPLE!! GOT A PEOPLE BUTTON! I PARTY!! AM PARTIER!
I’M A PURPLE PEOPLE PARTIER!
gwendomama’s last blog post..Art By Children
I am sooo not cool enough to go to such a party! Maybe one day…maybe one day when I have money!
Or sumthin’.
Hatchet’s last blog post..Enjoy them! Enjoy them! Enjoy them!
Tip to n00b prostitutes or wannabes–
the big dough is in dominatrix work. SOOO much less messy–actually, you can get them to lick your floors clean AND pay you for the honor. I’m surprised more mommybloggers don’t do it. Or maybe they do, what do I know. They might not write about it cause they don’t want to exploit their johns for readers.
Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..Hannah Montana and the Case of the Vanity Privacy Towel
Ohhhh…Hooking, I didn’t think of that!! How many Johns do I need to ummmm….do, to get from NJ to CA?
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..In Touch With Their Feminine Sides
I actually like the idea of the “live video feed” myself – that way I can see all the action, while avoiding both the puke and the police.
Besides which, I would make a lousy hooker.
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Possible Tourorist Activity
BTW, I am surprised you aren’t holding the party at the Absinthe factory across the Bay. (Yep – they are opening one up at the former NAS Alameda – where ‘the nooklwear wessels’ used to hang out. Guess they had to do something with all that old jet juice.)
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Possible Tourorist Activity
I haven’t figured out how to actually go to Blogher when I haven’t really told my family I even have a blog. Could I just be going out for milk, and come back in a week?
Candy’s last blog post..No, it’s not a skin tag!
oh whew! your site isn’t blocked by smartfilter now….
turns out it was Ken Coomer, the former drummer of Wilco fame. He’s fallen on hard times and is now in charge of my employer’s network security. He misread the post about Being Kawasaki’d as a panning review of Being There. Ken actually can’t read at all.
He’d be mad that I was outing him as an illiterate, but that’s the fun part about outing illiterates in text, they’ll never know. haha fuckers.
furiousball’s last blog post..shoulder this
How many times do I have to tell you people? Free booze = I’m there!
You Ohio beyotches better stay off my corner.
“And for those of you who can’t go, I suggest prostitution. It’s an excellent money-maker, plus you can make your own hours”
WTF am I doing Etsy for man? Clearly, I should have huddled with you for ideas first.
Lotta’s last blog post..Contest: Your Mama!
PS – I’m going man. And I formally RSVP’ed. And I’ll be forging drink tickets.
Lotta’s last blog post..Contest: Your Mama!
I’m totally throwing a tampon at you. And by then? You’ll probably have forgotten all about this little post. LOL.
Kyla’s last blog post..Hi. I’m Kyla from the paper.
preparty party. yeah still won’t be there. but have a real good time.
pookie addams’s last blog post..isn’t this as beautiful as a classic painting
Jeesus. Why isn’t San Francisco just a little closer to the Great White North? What were you Americans thinking?
Sigh. I SO wish I were coming. If only to huddle in the bathroom with you during the party again.
kittenpie’s last blog post..Bites of Pumpkinpie
So are you saying we’re invited or that we should turn tricks. You have to draw this mama a picture.
white trash mom’s last blog post..Baby Hooker: New Hip Baby Name?
Open Mike night in hell will definitely have a long waiting list…
manager mom’s last blog post..How About A Nice Divorce For Mother’s Day?
You crack me up. You are such a cool kid.
Sabrina’s last blog post..Things I will regret having encouraged my child to do. . .
…scoot over some, cuz I will be there too!
Carla Ecland’s last blog post..Someone you should know
…
I can’t even imagine being there…
can’t….even….imagine.
(I wouldn’t be in the bathroom, I’d be under the table. Alone.)
(and I’m outgoing, but this would scare the crap outta me. Can anyone say “out of my league”???)
Robin’s last blog post..Friday’s 40-or-less Photo Challenge (1)
I’ll be there, and I’ll be bringing The People’s Boobs, because that’s what they feel like around here. Everyone thinks they can touch.
To Think Is To Create’s last blog post..If I Had Known
so I should fly in early?
Dawn’s last blog post..Good Effing Riddance Haiku
Oh yeah baby…would miss it for the world.
And judging from the button, I fully expect there to be a disco ball present….
Amber’s last blog post..Boot Camp Week Five (and counting!)
I’m in. And my sister just convinced me to spring for a hotel room, so no worries about drinking to much and getting lost in the Tenderloin afterwards.
nonlineargirl’s last blog post..Feels Just Like…
Oh, please, Live Feed! I’m just not ready for the hooking…yet.
Lauren’s last blog post..Good Calories, Bad Calories: A Review
I’m coming! I’m coming! The 17th @ 8pm right? Yeah? Woot Woot!
Maria’s last blog post..I GUESS I’m a Mommy Blogger…
Yeehaw, chica.
This will be my first year. I’ll be attending all the parties, invited or not. But really the one I want to go to is the People’s party because it sounds like EVERYONE is gonna be there!
Oh and course I SO want to meet you Jenny. Who cares about Dooce or Douche is it?? I’d love to live vicariously through you so I’ll know what it feels like to be a F*****G Dirty Mouth Cool Bitch:) Oh yeah!
A Cowboy’s Wife’s last blog post..Photography Tips: Standing Tall
Got in too late last time to make it to the party. But this time, THIS TIME, I’ll be getting in early. Promise to stop by before I have to put the kiddo to bed. (Yeah, I already said I was going, just dropping in to say I should still be there. As if it matters. Heh.)
becky’s last blog post..Something BlogHer this way comes
Hi Jenny…
Can I bring my husband?
Caryn
Caryn B’s last blog post..Vlogging is the New Blogging!
Whee! I am so there! After that “other” party I have to make an appearance at…
I will probably spend my time hiding behind a plant, anyway.
T.
TLC@SendChocolate’s last blog post..The One Where I Write the Words Pt. 2
I’m highly bummed that I’ll miss this party. I’ll be just getting into SFO and all the good drinking will most likely be over with by the time I get through baggage claim and checked into the hotel.
Woe.