If anything, I’M being exploited

There’s a lot of shit being thrown around right not regarding the whole “mommybloggers are exploiting their children” topic that is making the rounds lately.  It’s not a new topic.  From the first time I wrote about my kid peeing on the floor and the cats drinking it, I’ve been asked if I thought it was really appropriate to be sharing such intimate details about my child’s life and I’ve always said the same thing:  I’m not sharing intimate details of her life.  I’m sharing intimate details of mine.  She just happens to be in it.  That sounds selfish and narcissistic but guess what?  So does having a blog. 

When I was a kid I wrote dumb stories all the time.  When I was a teen I got all gothy and expressed myself with bad poetry and sulking.  In college I made disturbing screenprints of people cutting off their own fingers and did angry public poetry readings.  After college I moved to making bizarre, eerie dollhouses and journaled like mad.  And now?  I blog.  It’s my form of creative expression and it makes me a better person.  Sometimes it’s funny.  Sometimes it’s sad.  Sometimes it gets me hatemail.  But all the time it is me, and just because I am someone’s mom, or wife, or daughter, or friend that does not mean that I should have any less of a “voice” than I had before.  If anything I should have more of a voice, because I have a hell of a lot more to say than I did when I was 20. 

Limits are good and (surprisingly) I do have them but would I ever stop blogging just because my kid turned into a mortified teen and told me she wanted me to stop blogging?  No, because teenagers are stupid.  I should know.  I date them.  I was one.  And just as I’m going to have to soldier through the years when Hailey decides to shave her head or considers joining the Hare Krishnas, she will have to soldier through having a mother who is who she is:  Fucked-up, horrifyingly unfiltered, but basically a decent chick.  And hopefully we will both learn to appreciate those points in each other.

Except for the cult thing because I am not afraid to burn down a compound of Hare Krishnas to get my daughter back.  That’s just how I roll, Krishnas.  Fair warning.

PS.  Tonight I’m having dinner with Guy Kawasaki.  It’ll be weird seeing him without using binoculars.  And without him being in the shower.  I think I’ll pop out the lenses and use them when I talk to him at dinner just so I’ll feel more at home.  That won’t be weird at all.

Comment of the day:  I’m not cool enough to be exploited.

I love ya lady, but in a totally healthy way, it’s not like I print all of your posts out and plaster them all over the extra bedroom that no one really knows about and light my Jenny candles each night, repeating The Bloggessitudes…

“Oh in Houston a lady that lives
with a husband named Victor and a kid with kitten armpits

she talks about subjects so ribald and bold
she has nice getaway sticks and hates to smell mold”

and then i dress up in a curlers and hold a blow dryer whilst staring blankly into a mirror.

because that’s what would do if they had a problem.

*nervous laugh*


81 thoughts on “If anything, I’M being exploited

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I’m so out of it…didn’t know there were ‘mommy-blogging-haters’ out there. Screw them all!!
    You are the first blog I read, well…okay the 2nd blog I read after my kiddo. You f’n rock!
    I love you.
    When is your book being published?
    I have spoken.

  2. Like Julie, I was completely unaware that there were mommy blog haters out there. Shake the haters off, hot mama. There are way more Bloggess lovers than Bloggess haters. I’m sure of it.

  3. Actually, the people who hate The Bloggess and people who hate mommybloggers are two different groups. But both are assholes. So technically I guess they’re the same group with smaller sub-categories? I need a flow-chart to describe it properly.

    Oh and seriously, this isn’t a “Leave me alone, haters!” rant. This is a “You guys are dumbasses” rant. Most of the haters gave up on me long ago, although I did once have an entire childfree group writing about me which was highly entertaining and actually occasionally brilliant.

  4. I’m not cool enough to be exploited.

    I love ya lady, but in a totally healthy way, it’s not like I print all of your posts out and plaster them all over the extra bedroom that no one really knows about and light my Jenny candles each night, repeating The Bloggessitudes…

    “Oh in Houston a lady that lives
    with a husband named Victor and a kid with kitten armpits

    she talks about subjects so ribald and bold
    she has nice getaway sticks and hates to smell mold”

    and then i dress up in a curlers and hold a blow dryer whilst staring blankly into a mirror.

    because that’s what would do if they had a problem.

    *nervous laugh*

    furiousball’s last blog post..the real importance of seeing a baseball game with your Dad

  5. I shaved my head when I was 15. Well, I actually shaved it all off except for my bangs which I left and parted in the middle. It looked like I had a dog’s ass on my head. I don’t know what I was thinking. But it did piss my mother off so….mission accomplished, I guess.

    Defiantmuse’s last blog post..Conversations of the past few days…

  6. YEAH!

    Grrl power!

    (Hey that’s green, Grrl power, right? A renewable energy resource! Woot woot. See Grrls REALLY RULE!)

    (Did you see Flavia’s comment at my blog? It’s like you two share a mind. But I mean that in a good way, as in “two minds of a similar nature—great minds think alike” not “two people and one brain between them.” I know people like that and you two are not them.)

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Convicted for the seditious act of mommyblogging

  7. Weird. Does that mean that all the political bloggers are exploiting the candidates? I know it’s not the same because our kids are not public figures and all that, but really, I mean it’s creative writing. It’s your work inspired by the people in your life, not you selling off your kid to the baby pageant gypsies or something.

    Katy’s last blog post..Something that we do

  8. Yeah, while I don’t blog all that much about my kids (and here at The Bloggess you don’t that much either) they are a part of my life…a BIG part of my life (there’s four of them…they way out number Dylan and I). And like others before me, I didn’t really know that there were mommyblogger haters out there *hangs head* guess I’m not cool enough to be hated;).

    But if the RSO knew what I put on my blog, I’m pretty sure HE would hate me:).

  9. Amen! I would so burn down a compound, too, if they had my kid in there. Good luck with your dinner date ~ it won’t be wierd, I’m sure he’s more nervous than you!

    carrie’s last blog post..loo-dee-doo

  10. Those Haters are just jealous they didn’t think of it first! I dare someone to go tell Cosby he was exploiting those poor little children. I don’t have any of them yet (poor little children I mean) but you can bet your butt when I do they are fair game, just like everyone else. Besides you need something in print to prove what little demons…I mean angels they were right? Keep it up I love your blog!

  11. I’m pretty sure that the picture I posted of Dylan “mooning” me (that required a blurry dot to hide his boy parts) would be frowned upon from the mommy-blogger haters. That’s one good thing to not having a large reader base…the people who do read you don’t care.

    But hey, at least I blurred it, right?!

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..It’s Your Lucky Day!

  12. Ah, so you got any pictures of the eerie dollhouses?

    I find people who put down others need to do it because 1. they have no life, 2. it makes them feel good about the lives they are not having. 3. In their deepest darkest hearts, they would also like to see pics of the eerie dollhouses. How about it?

  13. I’ve been blogging about my kids for forever and also write about them, you know, for money. And lots and lots of drugs. I’ve been asked “So, are you still exploiting your kids for money?” and my answer is always, “Hell yeah!”

    Anyone with a problem with mommy bloggers writing about their kids can go out and make their own and not blog about them.

    Now stop being so goddamned funny or I’ll have to drive down to Houston and stalk you until you’ll slam some margaritas with me.

    Toni’s last blog post..Not the Best of News

  14. Goddamn right, motherfucker. I can say that here, yes?

    I thought about not blogging but not because of my children, because of me. Totally different topic and much more selfish.

    Now go have dinner and show him your boobies. I hear he likes that.

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..The Real Stories

  15. Honestly (read: no sarcasm), who could hate your blog? What is wrong with them? Literally. What is wrong with them, and why are they on the Internet at all?

    I don’t understand hateful comments and emails. I mean, really, what’s the point?

    Oh, and for the record, I wasn’t making fun of your voice! It’s pretty!

    ali’s last blog post..Puppies, Passover and Pond Inhabitants

  16. I’m not a mommyblogger so I don’t feel the mommyhate. Though I have heard content for the “narcisstic people who blog because that’s everyone.” Whatever. They just wish they were creative enough to have something like that.

    btw – Furiousball… glad you’re back. And The Bloggessitudes are classic! Seriously, I couldn’t stop laughing.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..The next trend…. penis theft

  17. I dont have a kid but i have a cat. i used to blog alot about him but, well, aside from the fact that I love him pretty much more than anything, he isn’t all that interesting. Oh, there’s the precious right fang that hangs out over his lip and the way he sticks the tip of his pink little tongue out just a little when i scratch that certain area on his chest. or how sweet it is when he starts licking and grooming my beard. Oh and the fact that he acts like he just did a big old toot of crystal meth after he poops and runs around like he was on fire but I am not exploiting him, either. I totally get where ur coming from. EXPRESS YOURSELF!!!! Madonna demands it! don’t let anyone, let alone the censor in your head stop you from putting it out there.
    though Min sometimes goes a little too far. She should probably reel it in a little.

    pooKIe ADdams’s last blog post..bale out/bail out

  18. I’m just massively tired of the topic and it’s been what, 1.5 days?

    Why anyone gives the topic any air, I don’t know. There’s an audience for everyone-who cares if some people don’t get it?

    Sorry-little worn out from the multiple posts about this I’ve seen in my reader today…

    But ooh! Dinner! Many pictures are expected…

  19. I am a writer, so I basically use my blog as free advertising. I’m not a narcissist, I am a marketing genius! So suck it, haters!

    As for you, keep doing what you’re doing. From what I’ve seen of your little girl, she looks a total ham and would totally be fine with all the free publicity you’re giving her. It’ll help her career.

    P.S. Where are you having dinner tonight? My…friend was asking.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..rebel

  20. eh, people are just jealous because you have enough material to build a road to the former planet Pluto.
    Speaking of jealous…tell Guy “hi” from all of lonely types in this here box. And, do try not to drool too much. We really don’t need another TS Allison (or I guess in this case, it’d be TS Jenny…or TS Bloggess – either one sounds frightening, eh). 😀

    The Pear Lady’s last blog post..For whom the bell tolls

  21. Sheesh… I go on one frickin kindergarten zoo field trip and all hell breaks loose (oh shit…sorry, I just commented about my kid…is that aloud).

    Screw em! (Greta says, trying to sound like Anthony Hopkins in Legends of the Fall after he had his stroke). Brad Pitt is totally on my side.

    Greta’s last blog post..Prodigal Weight Watcher

  22. the dollhouses alone make you the f’n coolest chick I’ve ever met.

    as for the main subject. well I am always appalled at your blog’s content and how much you so obviously hate and use your child. I for one never write about my children because I am a brainwashed moralistic person who only does what the moral majority tells me. (heh, right) which would explain why I keep coming here and reading you. obviously someone is holding a glock to my head and making me read you, otherwise, you know I’d have lots of highly righteous sites I could be visiting, but again, the glock.

    Maggie’s last blog post..Do Not Go In There

  23. After reading that column and then all the comments – it seems to me that the people who “hate” blogging – don’t actually blog.

    And – in my opinion, if you don’t like a blog – then heck, don’t read it.

    And I hardly doubt my children are going to hate me in 10 years because of what I put on my blog. in 10 years blogs won’t even be around anymore….something else will have taken their place.

    Karmyn R’s last blog post..What I Meant To Say

  24. Amen, sista! I can’t believe all the vitriol in the interwebs these days. WTF?(It’s like I need to make a uTube video “Leave the MommyBloggers ALLLOOONE!” Can’t we all just get along? And can’t we all just go to a bar and get Drunky McSkunky together? Because I would totally go for that right now.

  25. I don’t understand why people care so much about what other people do to either make a living or express themselves!

    Sometimes I wonder if the world is getting more narrow minded and instead of evolving, they become jealous of other people’s success making them ignorant.

    It’s sad that they can’t understand their words will hurt people!

    Bee’s last blog post..Crackers Ice Boobalicious Gnomes

  26. I have every expectation that my kid is going to hate me at some point in her life, and accuse me of fucking her up, blah blah blah. And it may or may not be because I put some pictures of her up on my blog once upon a time and told some story about her pissing in a cup. More likely, it’ll be because I dress funny and say stupid things about missing Donkey Kong or The Smiths or some such shit.

    So, give up what is *mine* (because, as you say, MINEMINEMINE), what keeps me sane, etc, etc, just because she might get pissy about it one day? Nuh-uh.

    (Thanks for this. xo)

    Her Bad Mother’s last blog post..Crazy Narcissistic Exploitative Zombie-Pimp Mom-Bloggers, Unite and Take Over

  27. I love you a little bit. If you are at dinner and you catch me watching you through binoculars while you are watching Guy with fake binoculars, will you pop your lenses back in and look back at me and see if we can tear asunder the time-space continuum? Just checkin’.

    Oh, and I figure that having a blog will only help my teenagers. They can point to it and get a lot of sympathy from their guidance counselor.

    anne nahm’s last blog post..I’d have a better title, but I smell dinner burning

  28. Great post – that’s all I got.

    But wondering? Did *I* exploit your daughter with my hostile bidding?

  29. Speaking as a long-time mommyblogger, I think that until your kid is old enough to know and/or care that you are using them as a rich source of comedy material, they’re certainly fair game.

    You DO need to be aware and be cautious of how much you reveal about your family life, because, you know, the internet has a lot of batshit crazy people and al Qaeda operatives on it. Seriously, there are people out there who would Rickroll you without blinking an eye.

    But if you do that, and you recognize and respect that some day your kid may come to you and say, eh, Mommy, I’d appreciate if you’d stop talking about me so much on your blog, you’ll probably be fine.

    And then if you find you don’t have any more inspirational material to write about, you can always sell that kid and get a new one and start fresh.

  30. Cats drinking little kid urine totally reminded my of when my daugther was playing with something in her hand. It was brown and round and covered with white flecks. I thought it was a Nestle Sno-Cap you got at the movie theater and wanted to know where the rest of the stash was, until I realized it was a tiny piece of poop from the litter box. Ahaha. Kid stories are the best stories.

    mcat’s last blog post..Hey baby, wanna do a little struggling in my buggy?

  31. Meh. I’m sure Hailey feels soooooo exploited.

    blogging is no worse than the mandatory naked kid picture you have to whip out for their first serious relationship partner.

    Except your showing to the whole world…


    Houston’s last blog post..Attack Of The Wart

  32. I was inspired to officially start my own blog just yesterday because of you, and how you make me laugh. It’s what we creative types do to blow off steam and remain sane. I haven’t yet mentioned my son in my blog (early days), but he’s not off-limits.

    Just know that whatever you do, blog about her or not, there will be a time about 12 years from now when she will either hate you or think you are sooo out of touch. But ~ I bet all her friends will think you are cool!

    In Cog Neato’s last blog post..Personal Meme

  33. you know what? i’ve decided to start a group of people who just hate kawasaki instead of mommybloggers.

    oh, and straight up, rubber chicken, you rawk it the most. i’ll be back soon to check up on you. in the shower. tell victor to rub you down with some vanilla coconutty goodness first, please.

  34. I have teenagers. I rarely blog about them. Cause they are freaking B.O.R.I.N.G. oh and cause they asked me not to.

    But more cause they are boring.

    It is much more fun to blog about my severely disabled son and the unbelievably hilarious things he does. And watch the hate mail fly in from the PC crowd that have absolutely no idea what they are talking about, and probably never met anyone like Boo in their life. But choose to defend his right to shit on my walls terrify me in the middle of the night with Teletubbies chanting ‘kill kill kill’

    Kelley’s last blog post..Interesting.

  35. As I commented on someone else’s rant on the topic, I think it will be interesting to see how being able to read this stuff affects our kids’ views of us. Will it make them see us as more human, real people with thoughts and feelings, not just cardboard parental unit cutouts? Because it’s hard to read what’s in most bloggers’ archives without getting to really know the person somewhat, to sympathize with their hard times and feel the love in their words at other times, to enjoy their sense of humour and their intelligence. I actually hope it deepens the bonds and relationships. Maybe.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Tail of the Week

  36. Picture me holding my hands out as if to weigh two different things —

    My mom writes stories and posts them on the internet…

    My mom wears lycra and half tops and flirts with the bagger at the supermarket.

    My mom posted pictures of me wearing a boa and goggles in the wading pool when I was three…

    My mom made me take seven different kinds of dance and had me in recitals every weekend despite the fact that I hated dance.

    My mom chronicles every moment of our lives…

    My mom is oblivious and has no sense of humor.

    amanda’s last blog post..I’ll always catch you

  37. GOD I love you when you’re on a fiery tear.


    I wonder how many of us will be crowded in the bushes near the restaurant tonight, vying for good binoculary locations. the BEST binoculary locations.

    damn itchy bushes.

    lildb’s last blog post..and she was.

  38. I just keep thinking about the little x in the top corner…I utilize it quite a bit when I find stupid people online. If *those* people don’t like what they are reading why can’t they use the little x too?

    btw- did you notice I haven’t used it on this post?

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..$3.85

  39. why is it so damn hard to be honest anymore? since i have been blogging for 6 months or so, I have felt so much less stress, whether it is about my kids, ridiculous things that happen in the state of utah, dooce excluded, and sex!
    the mommybloggerhaters, are just jealous that they don’t have the nerve to be honest and just say what they really want to say. ironically they are blogging about not liking blogging in a blog?

    Eighty eight’s last blog post..She only has weeks

  40. My blog has the traffic of a (very) rural road, so no one gives a shit if I’m completely fucking up my daughter’s life. HOWEVER, if anyone did express an interest, I wouldn’t care. It’s the stranger tales that make for interesting memories 20 years from now.

    At that point, why would she want to hear about all the boring, standard, you-were-cute-as-a-button-tra-la-la crap, when she can find out about her gross habit of trying to force her boogies down my throat whilst shouting, “Eat it! Eat it!” at 21 months old? Shit like that has to be documented!

    I don’t think her teen-self would be embarrassed by that. Those are the things you remember, not the trite, everyday things. I have no doubt that she’ll one day say, “Tell me the stories about me trying to make you eat snot!” I only wish my mother had tales like that to tell about me at that age.

    MsPrufrock’s last blog post..Pin that badge right here Sarge

  41. Actually, I’m thinking that if my mom had had a blog on which to chronicle of all of my gothy pretentiousness, I probably wouldn’t have been such a freak.

    Our blogs will keep our children on the straight and narrow!

  42. Does that mean that child psychologist that use their patients and own children to write parenting books are also exploiting children? What about all the parenting magazines out there that moms share stories in. I don’t really see the difference here. It’s a sisterhood. We want to know that our children aren’t the only ones who accidentally killed the hamster by dumping an entire bottle of baby powder in the cage, suffocating the poor thing. Haters can go suck lemons, because they are my kids. Besides, they feel famous.

    Monkeytoemomma’s last blog post..Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

  43. I love both of these statements. “and just because I am someone’s mom, or wife, or daughter, or friend that does not mean that I should have any less of a “voice” than I had before.”

    “Except for the cult thing because I am not afraid to burn down a compound of Hare Krishnas to get my daughter back. That’s just how I roll, Krishnas. Fair warning.” DOUBLE AMEN!

    YOU ROCK! Can you be my BFF??

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..I’m Not Crazy

  44. I’ve got nothing intelligent to add.

    I just like to come here and pretend we are sitting on a bed in our sexy silk jammies, painting our toenails and braiding each other’s hair and then it degenerates into a pillow fight after slamming back tequila shooters.

    Everyone needs a dream.

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..I Keep My Dignity In a Bag

  45. I’ve been mulling over a deep and earnest post arguing that the future opinions of our children actually are not the basis on which the moral value of blogging should be evaluated … and now I don’t have to. Thank you.

    bubandpie’s last blog post..What I’ve Been Doing

  46. Since my kids will probably never be good enough to play in the NBA, run for president, or any other activity that would allow them to support me in my old age, I have no choice but to exploit them now.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Subscribe to Comments Plugin

  47. Damn! I’m so late to the game that the comments over at theglobeandmail.com are gone! (I even logged in to see what I was missing and there’s nothing – it just says “Start the conversation” – which makes me think it was really effin’ cool and now I’ve missed it – somehow the same day it was posted.) But just for the record, I read you every day you post and on days you don’t post I read your old stuff that I haven’t read yet because you are dammed funny and awesome and need to just keep doing your thing. And I don’t even like kids. But I don’t really think you have a mommyblog because those make me really nauseated and you don’t, you know, make me sick, which is a good thing.

  48. Okay, why is the first time I’m reading your stuff? (Thanks, Havi!)
    Anyway, yeah, one of my early blogs was about mommy-ing and all I could think was why wasn’t this medium available to me 15 years prior, when my teen, who was now going through criminal proceedings for doing stupid teens things, was then doing stupid pre-teen and toddler things. How much better life may have been for him and his three younger brothers if I had such an outlet, as well as seeing other crazy moms out there going through the same stuff….

    And, yeah, I was politely yet indirectly told that I was doing harm to my kids in some way by anonymously writing about this .. some future embarrassment potential for them, as if my kids hadn’t been subjecting me to extreme mortification by smuggling alcohol into summer camp.

    And now, here’s Heather B, elevating it to high art. I think I caved on the pressure a little too soon.

    Gina’s last blog post..The Superlicious Diva

  49. I have a serious thing for miniatures and I love love love your dollhouses! Sadly, many of the links to more photos don’t work. If you ever find another place to post the dollhouse photos, please let us know. I’m not kidding – I really want to see them!

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