Puerto Rico, part one: Things I learned in first class

(Taken directly from my journal because I’m lazy.) 

Things I learned on my trip to Puerto Rico:

1.  The President’s Club at the airport offers free alcohol.  Surprisingly, no one is drunk.

2.  There are no President’s and lots of old white people in the President’s Club.  Disappointing on both parts.

3.  I just figured out why no one is drunk here.  This amaretto sour sucks.  Victor:  “Yeah, and also it’s only 9am, drunky.”


4.  Victor just yelled at me that if I get him kicked out of the President’s Club he’ll never speak to me again.  Two minutes late he was pretending to be a professional cockfighter and yelling “My cock is stronger than yours!” in a Spanish accent.  Alcohol is the great equalizer.

5.  These cocktails are better than I thought.

6.  We just almost got kicked out of the President’s Club.  Victor wouldn’t let me do shots with a bunch of guys headed for Vegas and then he got all pissy when I called him a “Republican”.  I was totally going to introduce him as an up-and-coming cockfighter to the Vegas guys but it’s too late now.


7.  On the plane:  First class kicks ass.  They just brang me a hot towel.  I mean “brought”.  I don’t think you’re supposed to say “brang” in first class.  Or “fuck”.  I’m sitting here watching Frisky Dingo, drinking wine, eating cheese and some chick just set up some sort of elaborate picnic on my lap.  At this point the plane could crash and I’d still consider it a successful vacation.


8.  Scratch that last line.  That was the xanax talking.

9.  So I get these movie headphones FOR FREE?!  To keep?!  That is insane.  I officially hate rich people now.  I think I could ask the stewardess for Jim Morrison’s skull and eight blonde virgins and she’d totally make it happen.  Ooh!  More cashews!

10.  They just shut that flimsy little curtain that separates first class and everyone else and I was all “Good!  You poor motherfuckers shouldn’t be able to look at us.”  I think first class is changing me.  Also, Victor just reminded me that we’re flying coach on the way back.  Now I know just how Marie Antoinette felt. 

11.  The stewardess just gave me six pieces of silverware to eat a bunch of stuff that I’m pretty sure is all finger food.   Which fork is the cracker fork? 

12.  Me:  “This is so opulent. I feel just like Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman.  Except, you know, without almost getting raped by Jason Alexander.”

Victor: “Well, vacation’s not over yet.”

14.  3 hours into the flight I look out the window.  Nothing but water forever. 


Took another xanax.

15.  I want to live in the lavatory.  It’s all my air inside that room.  None of this re-breathing other people’s air in there.  I wonder if you can die from carbon dioxide poisoning on a long flight?  I bet you can.  I’m more concerned about the pilot, actually.  I hope the poor bastard has his own airtank up there.  Maybe I should mention this to the stewardess.  Victor keeps wondering why I’m spending so much time in the bathroom.  I’m totally not going to tell him.  Let him figure it out for himself.  That bathroom air is mine!

16.  Victor did NOT record all the Frisky Dingo episodes on his ipod.  There are like ten missing and when I told him about it he just shrugged.  There will be hell to pay.

17.  Found something else he downloaded though called “My Bare Lady”.  Disappointingly it is not porn.  But it does have porn stars in it.  So, partial credit.

18.  Journaling is a lot like twittering except with less feedback.  Also no people telling me they just made a sandwich or have to poop.  I miss those people.

19.  You know what they should make?  Twenty-five dollar bills.

Also, they should put ads on the cash and the money can go to lowering our taxes.  And they could put coupons ON the money to make you want to spend it and stimulate the economy.


I’m pretty sure I just solved America’s national deficit issues.  Victor is frustratingly nonplussed.  The plane lands in 5 minutes.  I want another drink but Victor thinks I’ve had enough.  I think he’s just jealous that he didn’t come up with the twenty-five dollar bill.

To be continued if I don’t get distracted which will probably totally happen.

Comment of the day:  I am thinking you should not actually take Xanax and drink. Isn’t there a warning on the side of the bottle that says just that? Hmmmm, does it make the Xanax work better? Get back to me on this. ~ Cedarflame

And my rebuttal:  It is very true that you should not take xanax and drink. But you should also not poke cheetahs with sticks and that never stopped me. Eventually one of these things may kill me but at least I will have known the thrill of poking cheetah’s with sharp sticks.  I’m not making sense, am I? I blame the xanax mixer. Which I did not drink because they are illegal. ~ Jenny, the bloggess (who is a very poor example according to most people.)

113 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Your plan for solving the deficit is freaking brilliant. You’re a marketing genius. You should drink in the morning more often…oh wait, do you do that all the time?

    The Introvert’s last blog post..who needs designers?

  2. Your journal beats kicks my journal’s arse.
    You’re a brilliant drunky.

    witchypoo’s last blog post..Free Stuff!

  3. I’m with ya on the $25 bill … I’ve said that for years … I’m not with you on the Xanax, but back in with ya drinking as the breakfast of champions when on vacation … or any morning I can get away with it, =)

  4. If the plane ride was that exciting – I can’t wait to hear about the rest of your trip!

    Karmyn R’s last blog post..Another Boring Pregnancy Post….

  5. Dude. The picture of the Vegas guy? The guy sitting right behind the baldy?

    Totally looks like Robert Deniro about to kick someone’s ass. “You talkin’ to me?!”

    Chase’s last blog post..Zoot Suit Riot

  6. how the frack did you get to ride in first class? but yet only one way?

    that $25 idea. it’s money, girl. heh.

    jen’s last blog post..get on the bus

  7. Apparently we had enough miles to upgrade to first for the way up. On the way back it would have cost $600 which is just stupid money. Then again, it might have kept me from pulling off that ladies wig on the way back.

  8. How did I not find you like five YEARS ago? Jesus.

  9. I’ve been placing bets with myself for *years* about when you would finally mention the Breck Girl.


    So, apparently, I owe myself a twenty-five dollar bill.

    lildb’s last blog post..tonight i come out swinging.

  10. ooooh, that’s such a pretty blue… cerulean blue.

    pookIE ADdams’s last blog post..Goodnight Melvin In Memorium

  11. You’ve just given me the boost I needed to join the Twitter movement. So, thanks. Also, I think I should have gone pee before reading this post. I may have my first official Twitter comment. So, thanks again!

    Walking With Scissors’s last blog post..Too Stupid to Live in Florida?

  12. First Class Rocks. Except that all the years that I flew first I was, you know, under age and couldn’t drink, so that sucked. But usually the flight attendants would let me hand out the hot towels. I was seven, so that rocked at the time.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..You Asked For It, You Got It *

  13. I can never figure out the damn cracker fork.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Small victories

  14. dude at the airport is sexy, that is a gorgeous journal, never heard of frisky dingo, but it looks promising.

    LOVE the sky photo complete with notes about giant squid.

    glad you made it back home alive!

    piglet’s last blog post..random stuff

  15. Dude, in all my flying the globe I have sat in first class exactly one time. IT TOTALLY ROCKED! It was Lufthansa and they have these seats that recline into beds – I slept the WHOLE time! But because of all that damn sleeping, I missed the booze. Sleep is such a time waster.

    And welcome back!

    Kylie’s last blog post..Segregation

  16. Glad you’re back, Jenny. Now, maybe I can get my comments approved and posted.

    Oh, and you’re so right – First Class RAWKS!

    (the cracker forks… not so much.)


    Ed T.’s last blog post..More XTreme PhotoFX

  17. My sister, in economics, about the ads on bills: “I am deeply uncomfortable with this person’s economic reasoning.”

    She’s been hoarding euros. She evidently doesn’t get anything!

    AV’s last blog post..How Some Rocks Brought My Husband Out Of Beige

  18. “I think I could ask the stewardess for Jim Morrison’s skull and eight blonde virgins and she’d totally make it happen.”

    “Which fork is the cracker fork?”

    Photo exhibit A: Giant squid/Bermuda Triangle
    Photo exhibit B: U.S. Mint Artist

    Why you’re The Bloggessssss and the next closest place in line is about 14th. Monkey cage climbing hee lair.

    PENSIEVE’s last blog post..Bridge over untroubled waters ~ PLT

  19. You never tell me that you need to poop. And no ‘you go girl”s or ‘awesome’ or ‘ew’ when I announce on Twitter… hmmm perhaps that is because you are not following me. And I was totally following you before that motorcycle dude(Kawasaki is a kind of bike innit?)

    And you do realise my lovely, that that ‘air’ you were sucking up in the bathroom was laced with the ecoli from all the other passengers…

    Kelley’s last blog post..Do. Not. Want.

  20. That’s because I suck at twitter. Really, I do. I forget to look at my replies until like days later and then it’s too late. I should have my license revoked.

    By the way, people, if you are my friend and I’m not following you send me a message because I’ve missed a ton of people and have no idea how to find them. I’m like the Little Bo Peep of Twitter.

  21. I fucking love you. You rock. We would have the best time if we went on vacation together, we could see who would be the first to say “crack whore” in first class.

    After my eye op I love Xanax too. It’s now officially my prescription drug of choice.

    LaLa’s last blog post..Poss

  22. Cracker fork…just when I think I might have it in me to write the kind of posts do, you bring cracker forks and blonde virgins into the mix and I realize I am without hope.

    You fucking rock, even in coach.

    amanda’s last blog post..Hum the Jeopardy jingle

  23. Jenny on holiday! Woo hoo!

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Truth: rarely pure and never simple

  24. Traveling with you would be a hoot!! Looking forward to hearing more……….

    Kelly K’s last blog post..Reality Check Please

  25. You are just amazing! Twenty five dollar adverbills (yes, I made it up. sorry)would be awesome!

    Especially if it was for useful stuff, like condoms! “Trojan Man says, ‘ Stay safe and keep one in your wallet!”

    Get it? Keep one in your wallet? Where you keep your money and an extra condom?

    Fine, I’ll leave and go drink more coffee.

    Chris’s last blog post..Yes, Johnny, You really can float away with helium balloons…

  26. I will buy your twenty-five dollar bills for $10 each.

    Avitable’s last blog post..Foot fetish

  27. What happened to my comment?

  28. For some reason my blog thought your comment was some sort of scam spam so I had to go rescue it. Imagine…thinking that an offer to buy $25 for $10 was a scam. Stupid blog.

  29. This post tastes like awesome with a delightful gigglish aftertaste.

    anne nahm’s last blog post..Because Its Friday

  30. Advertisements on money! Why have the capitalists never thought of that? And they call themselves money hungry bastards…oh wait. Maybe it’s ME who calls them that. Oops.

    Xanax and booze, breakfast of champions.

    Kyla’s last blog post..Par-tay!

  31. I have Xanax-envy, just like the dead hooker on my roof rack used to.

    fuckme, was that out loud?

    furiousball’s last blog post..the shocker

  32. You just totally started my day off right with many laughs. 🙂 Thanks!

    Shannon’s last blog post..link of the day

  33. I don’t think I could ever be that cool in first class. I would be the person yelling, drunkenly, “THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN COACH!” and “WHAT ELSE CAN I GET FOR FREE?”

    kirida’s last blog post..animal cruelty

  34. I would have paid a $25 bill to see a cockfight like that.

    Mary’s last blog post..I’m a Woman of Many Talents

  35. I wonder if there has ever been a cockfight in first class, and that’s why they shut the curtains. I only flew first class once, and I was 15 and the flight was an hour. What a waste.

    Noelle’s last blog post..Shelby was right, it looks like a brown football helmet

  36. Ain’t nuthin’ queerer than a 25 dollar bill. Or a Vegas-bound cockfighter.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..I Am a Nasally Non-Nosferatu

  37. Jason Alexander.

    And you are all over the place, I was waiting for the part where you say, “ohhhhh, shiny object….”

    Sonia’s last blog post..While You Were Sleeping…

  38. 38
    Just A. Reader

    Your $25 bill would save this country. I would so totally vote for you for president. You’d be way better than the old guy, the black guy, or the old bitch who doesn’t know how to give a BJ.

    Jenny For President!

  39. Advertisements on money should get you elected the next president. Oh, I see another reader just had the same idea. Nevermind, it’s worth saying twice.

    You should be president.

    Except you might have to learn how to learn to use a cracker fork first, so that foreign dignitaries don’t make fun of you at state dinners.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..This Week at My House

  40. I don’t know which is funnier… the post or the comments today. Both had me stifling laughter so the other people in my office don’t think I’m nuts.

    The stewardess, oops flight attendant, must have thought you were in the bathroom getting your freak on while you were actually sucking up all the air.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Cookies

  41. 41
    Just A. Reader

    Becky Mochaface: Are you suggesting that our dear Bloggess was flying solo into the Mile High Club?

  42. any day I can escape any sort of interaction with Jason Alexander is a very good day, indeed.

    30andflirty’s last blog post..Huggy Church & a Happy Anniversary

  43. I flew first class from the US to Ireland almost 10 years ago, and it was awesome. I was 19 and the stewardess kept trying to give me alcohol. I had a glass of wine and a glass of Bailey’s, and the stewardess was like, “That’s all? Are you sure? You don’t want more? Please drink more!” I am thinking now that she probably wanted to get me drunk and have her way with me.

  44. I wish I had a tropical vacation.

    I wish I had a cracker fork.

    I wish my husband called me drunky.

    Oh wait, he does.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Just another dead kid to remember on my runs *(updated at bottom)*

  45. I don’t have time to read all the comments, because I’m not drunk… but just wanted to say that was some funny shit.

    btw, nice job on slipping in the “up-and-coming cockfighter” pun. That’s some EXTRA funny shit.

  46. Crap. I knew I should have gone with first class for our honeymoon. So how do you go about dropping that fact to the ticket counter person so maybe, just maybe, they’ll upgrade you for free like in the movies?

    Jessica’s last blog post..Tamera and Scott

  47. Have your hubby tell the ticket agent that he’s going to propose to you on the plane and ask if there are any extra seats in first. Be sure you give him back your engagement ring before you get there.

  48. Just A. Reader: Me? I’d never insinuate such a thing! I’ll just put away my sexual innuendo and reference book now and readjust my halo.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Cookies

  49. You know my son Ben made the same observation about the $25 bill. Perhaps you two are MIND-MELDING.

    BTW… The contest for my tramp stamp was a tie, which was leading me to believe I was going to have to do some amalgamation of Jenny/Beaver (which I would have enjoyed carrying on the small of my back for the rest of my life), but instead in a burst of last minute voting the “Sweet Angelic Jenny” won out.


    OK, so I will be going down to CAT TATTOO (I am assuming they tattoo things other than cats there) in Dallas to get this added to my back.

    I shall blog on…

    Houston’s last blog post..The Stupidity Of Others

  50. LOVE the $25 bill w/ adds…you should copyrite that..
    Use Brang more..it makes me look smarter..
    First time I went first class was a few weeks ago..Atlanta to StL.. storms the whole way all we got was a bottle of water..but I could cross and uncross my legs without assistance..AND Joe Buck sat behind me..

    mp’s last blog post..Recap Yet Again??

  51. Oh Jenny, the fact that you have a “no one things is this is funny but me” category is beyond awesome. And the fact that all the entries under that category make be pee with laughter, makes me think I need to build an Altar to Jenny’s Funniness” and worship there every day.

    Robin’s last blog post..Blurzerb, zert, guglug

  52. First Class to Puerto Rico? Oh, that’s nothing. My cousin flew it to Thailand (and back too) for a business trip last week.

    Justin’s last blog post..Finally!

  53. i agree with kyla, and, victor, i think it’s really cute how you make up dialogue for “jenny.” awesome.

  54. 54
    Amy in Ohio

    Man, I missed you. I missed you more than I usually miss my husband when he is out of town. Is that a bad sign? Next vacation = podcast, k?

  55. 55
    Amy in Ohio

    Comment #2: Follow me on Twitter – I’ll be the hit of my stalker gang, k?


  56. Better to be a cockfighter than cocksucker. That’s what I always say.

    jen from boston’s last blog post..And to think, there is a band out there called “The Foreskins” seeking representation.

  57. I think first class is changing me.

    Only for the better my friend. We all could use early morning booze and extra forks.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Dream House Napkin Holder

  58. I think you have to drive a Dodge Charger painted like the Confederate Flag to get to use the cracker fork. They’ll give the cracker spork to pretty much anyone, I’ve found.

    Greta’s last blog post..Global Food Crisis

  59. The thing that blew me away about First Class and CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER was the real silverware.

    None of that plastic crap. Real forks AND knives.

    Because only poor people would ever try and stab someone with a fork. Clearly.

    Miss Britt’s last blog post..How Miss Britt Makes Yet Another Metrosexual

  60. Putting ads on money!?

    God be praised! FINALLY somebody’s got the right idea: Fixing America’s money problems by encouraging more crass consumerism. I adore it.

    Maybe now those Europeans will start taking us more seriously! Snooty assmongers…

    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..You Heard it Here First: Everything’s Bigger in Texas

  61. First class? President’s club. You got so ‘splainin to do.
    I have my finger on “delete RSS” if I don’t get a pretty darn good answer.

    GoingLikeSixty’s last blog post..NASCAR Room is Out. IRL Cigar Bar is In.

  62. #7: OK. I lost my head and commented before I read the commentor’s question and the comment you left commenting about the free miles for upgrade.

    GoingLikeSixty’s last blog post..NASCAR Room is Out. IRL Cigar Bar is In.

  63. Holy crap I love you more. Amaretto sours at IAH in the President’s Club room? I would kill to have seen that. (my fav. drink, BTW) And, I agree. I did 1st class one time…and it was so decidedly different? I have never liked flying since.

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The Mars and Venus of Parenthood.

  64. You are delightfully random and funny.

    Suebob’s last blog post..A shoutout for childless women

  65. Wish I had the money (or miles) to fly first class. That’s not going to happen for a long time.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Masturbation is good for you

  66. I can’t wait to read part 2. I’ll probably still be laughing about part 1 when you post it. Also? I just pooped a sandwich I made yesterday. You’re welcome.

  67. can’t I just drop my apartment into first class, please?

    flutter’s last blog post..This photo has nothing to do with the post

  68. You are the funniest person I know.Seriously.

    BTW, my husband is obsessed with the Giant Squid. He loves them. When they captured the first one on film he almost had a heart attack in front of the tv.

    Pattie’s last blog post..Therapy

  69. I have to poop.

    Feel better now?

    Chicky Chicky Baby’s last blog post..The Nap Nazi

  70. You know what would be a good invention? Virtual first class. Actually, I think they may have already invented it in the form of Xanax and whiskey sours.

  71. “squid pro quo”. means i scratch your back, you fondle squids. Demon Rum shivers me timbers and not in a good way.

    pookIE ADdams’s last blog post..Goodnight Melvin In Memorium

  72. I am thinking you should not actually take Xanax and drink. Isn’t there a warning on the side of the bottle that says just that. Hmmmm, does it make the Xanax work better? Get back to me on this.

  73. It is very true that you should not take xanax and drink. But you should also not poke cheetahs with sticks and that never stopped me. Eventually one of these things may kill me but at least I will have known the thrill of poking cheetahs with sharp sticks.

    I’m not making sense, am I? I blame the xanax mixer. Which I did not drink because they are illegal.

  74. I love that he called you drunky. That’s one of my favorite words.

    I can’t decide if flying first class or having drugs in first class is a better thing. Do I ask my travel agent this question? Do you think he’d know?

    Phoenix’s last blog post..Asshats in purty clothes

  75. Oops, I meant being on drugs in first class. I swear I’m not on any right now.

    Phoenix’s last blog post..Asshats in purty clothes

  76. Wow. This has to be the FUNNIEST post I have ever read! You make me laugh, and laugh, and laugh.
    And laugh some more.

    Paloma’s last blog post..Dramatic, but Not Overly So; Or Am I?

  77. This is so awesome. You are like my best drunk friends, except all the time!

    Also? I think I need to get me some Xanax. You can take it all the time, whenever the need arises? Whenever you feel like you might die because all the air has been sucked out of the room? I need something to cure that.

    Fern’s last blog post..RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!

  78. I was going to mention the whole Mile High Club by yourself thing but someone beat me to it…dang*!*

    I flew first class once on a return flight…a 45min. flight…*sigh*…I still remember that beautiful day…sort of. I sucked down 6 Bloody Marys on an empty stomach (no snotty lap picnics for my tiny little flight….bitches).

    Dianna’s last blog post..My project………………….finally

  79. I love Amaretto Sours! I like my alcohol to taste good and then sneak up on me later and show me how my legs would work were they made of rubber like that Stretch Armstrong doll.

    First class is awesome. Especially when your job pays for it. Even better than domestic first class? Trans-Atlantic.

    Totally rocks!

    Even better than that? Singapore Air, first class. The stewardess tucked me in at night. And they gave me PJs to wear and keep.

    Which I didn’t, because I was a First Class Virgin (FCV) at the time. Siiiiigh.

    Hatchet’s last blog post..A Musical Interlude

  80. All I have to say is: The one and only time I took Xanax and had a glass of wine was also the one and only time I ended up stranded in Paris, and too dizzy and loopy to communicate, thus almost resulting in WWIII breaking out between Charles de Gaulle airport and my husband.

    You must have the tolerance of an ox. An ox, I tell you.

    ali’s last blog post..Puppies, Passover and Pond Inhabitants

  81. you’ve just given me the burst i need to not join twitter.
    as if i need blogging lite.
    shit. i want all fat everything. don’t try and put any splenda or margarine into mah writing.

    gwendomama’s last blog post..PLUGGED IN!

  82. This was the best Blog post I have read anywhere for over a week. Maybe a month! Thanks for the total, complete laugh!

    Beth from The Funny Farm’s last blog post..Gone Living

  83. Nobody, and I mean nobody, makes me laugh the way you do.

  84. This is the funniest blog I’ve read in a long long time. Congrats on your drunkyness! lol

    Hottdog’s last blog post..House Hunting Day 2 – Full of

  85. Anytime I’m feeling low, all I’ll have to do is think of the phrase “cracker fork” and life will be good once more.

    Thank you Blogess!

    zenmomma’s last blog post..I am loved!

  86. I’ve been through the Bermuda Triangle several times and I always got through okay. Oh, wait. Maybe that explains a couple of things…

    Sayre’s last blog post..An Afternoon at Red Dragon Farm

  87. 1. I am surprised that your are surprised, that the President’s club serves free alcohol. I thought the decision making made by the great head’s of state give that away.

    2. Cock fighting is illegal in most places, be careful. An accent doesn’t always get you outta crap either

    3. Thanks for introducing me to Frisky Dingo, reminds me of my high school maths teacher. Also, original tool of doom!

    4. First time I heard lavatory outside work (I work for a household cleaning manufacturer). I thought everyone else called it ‘the crapper’

    5. I’m from Pakistan, cracker forks are just as weird as rice forks

    6. I like this numbered posting thing

    Atif Khan’s last blog post..Firefox – leading the way

  88. xanax makes me forget entire days, conversations and i tend to lock myself out of my house constantly. Oh and i drop things. but it makes doing the little things i hate better.Also when I get to the place where i can’t leave my home to check mail or buy food it does help with that. it’s all a delicate balance of plusses and minuses. yin yang, good point, bad points, light dark, donny and marie.

    pookIE ADdams’s last blog post..if you’ve got the money, honey.

  89. Holy shit! De Niro’s in the President’s Club, too! Before we know it, you’ll have your very own star. On a sidewalk.

    But probably not in Hollywood.

    No, you’re much better than that…

  90. I love you people.

    Confidential to Mrs. Flinger: Leslie? You and I are going for Margaritas the next time you come to Houston. For real.

  91. Just to clarify Goddess, I am not the Xanax police. I suffer from panic attacks and have a Monkey Pez-like Xanax Dispenser. I am thinking a total stranger’s blog is not someplace I should be mentioning this. Ah wtf.

    Cedarflame’s last blog post..Queen

  92. The Boondocks>>>>>>>>>>>>>Frisky Dingo.
    I’m just sayin’…

    Maria’s last blog post..I’m really not that interesting…

  93. Cracker Fork.

    I need to get me some.


    We have too many crackers and not enough forks to eat them with.

    Faith’s last blog post..WFMW

  94. Jenny – I left you a present on my blog (and no, you don’t have to wipe your shoes off when you’re done…).

    Sayre’s last blog post..I’d like to thank…

  95. You know, I’m sure John Edwards loves being on your $25 bill, but I’m pretty sure you have to actually be elected first.

    Just sayin’…

    Jenni’s last blog post..This Stuff Matters

  96. First Class? Puerto Rico??? I’m doing something wrong…

    that girl’s last blog post..Gotcha Day Anniversary

  97. you are 82% funnier than me. word to your journal, mama.

    Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Mixed Feelings

  98. OMG, ads on money!

    There you have it.

    And for the record, I’d need something stronger than Xanax to fly over all that water. I’ve actually sailed through it and believe me, it was not a pretty sight – especially the bermuda triangle part. Let’s just say the bartender and my dramamine were my best friends.

    Carrie’s last blog post..Nothing Sweeter

  99. God I love first class. And the president’s club. Although we were always there when I was pregnant and all I got was some stupid hot tea. Sucked. Now that I can booze it up we don’t travel. Can’t wait to hear more about the vacation.

    Sabrina’s last blog post..Houston recommendations?

  100. Rey and I need to go on vacation with you and Victor next time. Y’all had too much fun!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..I’m Not Crazy

  101. Frisky Dingo fan, nice!

    Good luck and blogger connections in Atlanta made it possible to have Killface call my wife for her birthday. Lotta love her for the big white monster.

    If I could get Brock Samson or The Monarch for her next one, I’d be in heaven. No if only Team Venture lived in Houston I’d be set.

    Robert’s last blog post..Wednesday Night Photo Post: Plane:Wing:Engine 22

  102. I think Victor is a genius. Did I say that out loud? And it’s not ONLY your air you’re breathing in the lavatory, you know. 😉

    Flea’s last blog post..Oklahoma History?

  103. Love it, however, I think it’s the xanax talking and not the first class. From my experience with the wonder drug, xanax makes doing the laundry feel like winning the lottery; McDonalds suddenly seems like a five star restaurant; and you want to hug the bitch, I mean sweet, sweet woman, who just gave you the finger, because oops you didn’t notice that the traffic light turned green ten seconds ago, as she is probably just having a bad day.

    You are hilarious-laughed out loud while reading this!

    laurieofthesevenstories’s last blog post..IT’S NOT THURSDAY AGAIN?!

  104. I’m pretty sure I’m in love you. Not sure if it’s because of, or except for, your vaguely abusive attitude.

    Seriously – finding “sponsors” for our legal tender is, as so many others have already pointed out, freaking brilliant. Unfortunately there are a few Federal Regulations that will have to be . . . um . . . altered first. And that will take time, money, and at least one member of Congress. Fortunately, Breck and Pizza Hut have plenty of money, but who will lead the movement? That’s where you come in. We need you, Jenny, to run for public office. You’ve totally got my vote.

    I might even *gasp* move to TEXAS if that’s what it takes to vote for you.

    Red Flashlight’s last blog post..Malignant Growths

  105. Gasp! Amaretto sours are my favorite!

    Holly’s last blog post..You can lead a toddler to food, but you can’t make him eat

  106. I saw first classers eating hot fudge sundaes through that curtain once.

    I hoped the whip cream was sour.

    Pamela’s last blog post..Fun Monday – Another Favorite Walk

  107. #18 is hilarious. I guess I have the wrong friends on twitter…no one has ever said that they have to poop. Nice! I think I’m tweeting that.

  108. They wouldn’t make a $25.00 bill now because they (they being “the establishment”…if you would, please say that with a very British accent b/c my southern one isn’t pulling it off) couldn’t say it was THEIR IDEA.

    Or maybe you’ll end up assassinated and we’ll all know it was because IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

    And then 2 days later Obama or Hilton will be announcing the new $25.00 as a means to save the U.S. from plummeting into a depression.

    Y’know, just thinking out loud.

    OMSH’s last blog post..This is one time when I’d say sue ‘em for all their worth.

  109. Love your work! I got upgraded a few times in a more glamorous life (don’t know how, but why question the Gods) and it was fabulous. Ruined me for life! I still hate flying economy and not being able to drink all the champagne I like.
    Will visit often for more pearls of wisdom.

  110. […] I’m putting it off until later, which always ends well.  Hey, remember when I wrote “My trip to Puerto Rico, Part 1” and I wrote it in April of 2008 and then I got distracted and I never posted anything again […]

  111. I know this is a reeeeally old post, but I just had to tell you that the $25 bill thing is a great idea! So great in fact that they already have them in the Cayman Islands. They don’t have advertisements on them though, so your idea is still better.

  112. So, this is pretty crazy. My friend emailed me a link to this blog yesterday that I just for around to reading today. I didnt understand why he sent it, at first. Then I saw that there was a picture of us in the President’s Lounge on our way to Vegas for a bachelor party.
    I’m the guy in the middle. Apparently I look like Robert De Niro.
    I’ll have to hear the story of how he came across this four years later.
    I’ve got a pretty good xanax, drinking ,and flying story that happened to me on our return flight, but I’ll save that one for another day. 🙂
    Epic trip. Glad to hear you had one too.
    Awesome blog. Keep it up.


  113. 113
    Lady Penelope

    Ha, how cool is that comment above?! Love life’s little surprises.
    I was just going to suggest that first class is a lot better to end the trip with than start it. That way you aren’t hung over for the rest of the holiday. Oh, and vomiting in the nice first class toilet is also not first class behaviour, and it doesn’t matter how much better the facilities are than the cattle class crapper, you still wish the plane would just hurry up and bloody crash already. Speaking from experience …

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