FatSuck 2008!

So this week I got my fat sucked out of me.  For real.  It’s totally as disgusting as it sounds and you should go and read it now because I’m not sure I can actually call someone a bitch on the Houston Chronicle so this might be my last post there ever.  I’m reasonably sure they regret ever having offered me a blog and would probably withhold my paycheck if I had ever actually gotten one from them.

Comments are open here as well just in case you can’t manage to leave a comment without saying “c0cksucker”.  God knows I can’t.

Comment of the day: I always thought the pubic mounds were where the Crab Indians buried their ancient ancestors…  ~Spamboy

76 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Good for you! Tell us if it makes you lumpy or does something weird. That’s what always happens in ALLURE, VOGUE, and ELLE, and if it’s there then it’s true. Obviously. Fashion magazines are like the bible, but without God, Jesus, and good clothes.

  2. I’m thinking that aticle won’t make it to the Chron’s homepage.


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Something concrete for Wordless Wednesday

  3. A larger pubic mound?? When a crazy woman kisses you full on the lips at BlogHer you’ll know it’s me, right?

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..“I’m Fashional”

  4. all those hickeys and you didn’t even get any sex out of it?

  5. I think you have to pay extra for that.

  6. Jenny. The women whose psychological set requires these procedures are also extremely secretive about these procedures.

    Fat reducing procedures and secrecy go hand-in-hand.

    You just posted an article about it (with pics) in the Houston Chronicle. You are unfathomable. I am saying this straight. You. Are. Unfathomable.

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Dooce Backflipping Challenge

  7. Cocksucker. Not you. Them.

    Ellie’s last blog post..3 Bullets

  8. I don’t have any words for this…except you know, I need to know if it actually works, how many sessions and if it’s worth whatever it costs. And where the hell do I find a place that offers it…also kind of horrified.

    Kristine’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Summer Edition

  9. Going from the picture on the other post, if I had an upper deck like yours I wouldn’t be worrying about my stomach. No one would notice. You look great!

    JCK’s last blog post..He teaches me much, this BOY

  10. 10
    Just A. Reader

    You do know you’re insane, right?

    If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, Jenny.

  11. i am totally wanting a medical holiday of sorts. cocksucker.

    ms picket to you’s last blog post..The Ants are Marching

  12. I love you people.

  13. someone needs to cockslap some sense into you

    furiousball’s last blog post..how far down the rabbit hole of douchebaggery

  14. Oh, sweet Jesus. I could read that only through my fingers, because it is very gagging. Insert cocksucking reference here, if you must.

    Marinka’s last blog post..Light in August?

  15. OK, judging by the full-body photo you so graciously provided, I don’t see what all the fuss is about!! What are you, like a size 6? You look great sister!

    HeatherPride’s last blog post..Meet My Killer

  16. Lawd love a woman with concerns about the size of her FUPA. You are truly a girl after my own heart.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..There Truly Is Something For Everyone

  17. I admire your guts in writing that post and including pics. I could never do that.

    But you didn’t have to do it for us, we love you the way you are… hair spider eggs, mosquitoes and all.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: SNL Activia Commercial

  18. I find it hilarious that you can use the word “pubic mound” on Good Mom/Bad Mom, but not some others. (Okay, cocksucker is a bad expample.) This is very much how, when our local CW channel syndicates South Park or Family Guy, they have no issue with showing violence and blood, but throw in one little “God damn” and NO WAY, THAT CAN’T BE THERE.

    ali’s last blog post..Yet another query

  19. Sounds painful!

    Maddy’s last blog post..It’s a wild life [England is Evil 5]

  20. Saw on Guy’s blog today that they’re taking votes on the best Alltop badge, and when I went to vote, looks like there are several from you. I had a hard time picking which one. But voting ends tonight! So pimp it girl!


    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: SNL Activia Commercial

  21. Geez, Jenny. You could have just gone with the tapeworms.

    Jessica’s last blog post..My Fifteen Minutes… So Sad.

  22. You know, I just recently found out there is an acronym for the pubic mound thing, from Kirida’s page: FUPA

    I just about caught bulima when I looked it up.

    anne nahm’s last blog post..Lime Curd of Denial

  23. Holy. Shitballs.

    Are you peeing fat out right now? As we speak!?

    I wanna do it!

    brittany’s last blog post..Bangin’ on the drum…all day.

  24. To tell ya the truth, when I began reading it I thought I WAS at The Bloggess! You DO like to push the envelope, don’t cha?

    You get away with murder, kiddo…;)

    Robin’s last blog post..Reflections and Majesty

  25. I just noticed that the Chronicle put it on the front page of their MomHouston page. I take back almost all the bad things I’ve said about them.

  26. That is just all kinds of wrong. It had better work or that would really suck.

    I get the Chron. before you in my reader-You really published that there?! I’m in shock, but not too much ‘cuz I know you.

    The funny thing is, I just want to comment so I can say cocksucker. It’s not often that I can get away with that.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..July 4, 2007

  27. So, DID you take the VitC until you had diarrhea? Inquiring minds want to know.

    elise’s last blog post..Either That Montage Just Takes Forever Or I’m An Internet Idiot

  28. “Me: Holy crap, you’re pushing it down, aren’t you? I’m going to end up with a giant pubic mound aren’t I?!

    Fat-sucker: *utterly speechless*”

    And here, I stupidly thought that sentence was going to say, “…end up with a giant ankle.”


    Ree’s last blog post..WW – Roy G Biv

  29. I always thought the pubic mounds were where the Crab Indians buried their ancient ancestors…

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Oh, and One More Thing…

  30. So glad to know that your pubic mound is safely it’s normal size….and if I showed you a picture of the scar from my vanity surgery, you’d throw up all over yourself and stop wanting to be my friend.

    Anissa – Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..Let us invade your email!

  31. Jenny, you need help girl.

    This is the WORST cover story for Victor leaving marks on you during “Deranged Midget Sex” I have EVER heard of.

    Help is only a phone call away…

    Houston’s last blog post..For Your Information

  32. Oh, and one more thing…cocksucker.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Oh, and One More Thing…

  33. That would be the funniest thing I’ve read in forever except that I so don’t think that you should let anyone do that to your perfect body ever, ever again. Pinky swear?

    I’m with Ree, I thought ‘thigh’ and then fell of my chair laughing at ‘pubic mound.’

    anymommy’s last blog post..A Whale of a Tale(s) of My Traveling Past

  34. Oops. I forgot I was on the NEWSPAPER comments thing and used an EXPLETIVE so it will definitely get flushed.

    Ribbed and re-posted for your pleasure:

    Dude. THAT? Is fucking nuts. In the future please consult with me first for lots of ego-boosting compliments so as to deter you from such bruisy, hurty looking nonsense. You’re perfect just as you WERE.


    Izzy’s last blog post..The Seven Minute Itch

  35. Cocksucker.

    ha ha. that felt great to say…

    Hottdog’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday-the bad mom edition.

  36. Oh dear God that looks so bad. Yikes – you are braver than me.

    Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Peek A Boo!

  37. If I was going to BlogHer, you could save yourself some dough, because all you’d have to do is stand next to pregnant me, and you’d look like a size 4 (instead of the size 6 you obviously are — you cocksucker).

    See, now, ordinarily I would have used “bitch” in that there parenthetical, but you challenged me. I had to do it.

    Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..Cleaning Up My Act

  38. Dude. Ouch.

    Was the video camera there on the off chance that Ron Jeremy somehow found out about your giant pubic mound and all the KY Jelly and came by to check it all out? That cocksucker would totally have taken advantage.

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..I’m Feelin Melancholy, How ‘Bout You?

  39. wow..I am laughing too hard from your conversation and the hilarious comments to say anything else other than “OUCH!”

  40. 40
    I can't read my nametag

    As cool as it is that the Fatsucker 8000 breaks the fat down to Pee-able Toxins (now that’s a great band name), it would have been much cooler if the device really did just move the fat around. A highly-skilled Fat-Sqwoosher could make quite a tidy sum serving the Corvette-driving male demographic eager for a treatment that would undoubtedly come to be known as “the Tommy Lee” (when successfully applied) or “the circus freak” (when not).

  41. I can leave a comment without saying c0cksucker….aww, fuck.

    flutter’s last blog post..July rain

  42. Jumpin’ Jeebus Jenny! Those photos looks like you were getting fatsucked by a gdmn Giant Squid! Or maybe runover by a dwarf (midget) driving freaking’ Bigfoot.

    Seriously, I think I’ll just keep my spare tire.


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Can we fix? SHOULD we fix?

  43. Oooh Gonna go read.

    The Laundress’s last blog post..Pondering

  44. Howdy. Thanks for stopping by the other day… The van that hit the snake had an open window. I just grossly mistimed my throw. I was a bit frantic.

    I like your blog. You’re definitely not a typical bloggess, like those that abound. Have a fantastic day!

    jasper mocks’s last blog post..While Jasper’s Away, Bloggers Will Foray, by Jasper

  45. 45
    Just A. Reader

    Do you really (Comment 43) have a reader named The Laundress? Maybe Hailey’s imagination wasn’t running wild after all!

  46. Oh my God!! I must know if this works.

    mary’s last blog post..Lacy jars

  47. I can’t leave a comment without ‘fucking’ in it so I will get it out of my system here, go and yell at the bunneh and then pop on over to see your fat suckage…

    Kelley’s last blog post..Mosh!

  48. I wonder does your bathroom smell like McDonald’s now?

    Kimberlee’s last blog post..getting ready. and here I come.

  49. Gawd you are brave! I’ve been wondering about this, but think I may just stop eating instead! 😉

  50. Niiiiice, Jenny! Reminds me of the time I went to a chinese medicine practitioner and she made my back look like I’d been beaten by bamboo canes for DAYS. Then she set my hair on fire. I paid her, too.

    M’s last blog post..Better Than Perfume!

  51. oops, i guess i should have read that last part before leaving the comment at the chron about how much easier it would be to cockslap you if you had a pubic mound.
    i guess i would also need a cock.

    gwendomama’s last blog post..When a Stranger isn’t a Stranger (right about when you get a hotel room together)

  52. Wait a minute… you can do something so you can just PEE OUT YOUR FAT? Holy shit.

    Rachael’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: 5 Years Ago (7/12/03)

  53. WOW you are a brave women!! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

    Kelsey’s last blog post..::Birthcontrol Is For People With Ugly Kids::

  54. If I may be serious for just a moment (picture Jerry Lewis at the 22nd hour without sleep, adjusting his glasses), I just wanna say that I’m pretty sure you are the funniest person alive. And while I would echo the sentiments of others who have said you are a totally hot babe and you don’t need to undergo these kinds of painful and unnecessary procedures, they sure do make for great comedic blog material.

    (Me, I soiled myself at the “prom night” part.)

  55. ha!! that was pretty funny… the lollipop guild, eh? 🙂

    mama’s got moxie’s last blog post..kid things: the super fun show!

  56. […] the hot dog (from three weeks ago). 11. Jenny is recovering from having hot dogs (and other stuff) sucked out of her. 12. Citizen Jane gives us suggestions on how to burn off the hot dogs while buying them. 13. MrW […]

  57. just because i haven’t said it in so long:


    yep, it’s still fun to say.

    biddy’s last blog post..Self Portrait…

  58. Yeah, I don’t know what to say…


    Kylie’s last blog post..Typical Summer Day in Slightly Cracked House

  59. You pee it out? I suppose then you need the plunger near by?

    Speaking of a pale, fat hidden stomach…who’s got a tan line that starts at the ankles, stops at the knees and then starts again at the hand to the mid-upper arm and finishes with a crew neckline.

    Practically a contractor tan for the desk worker.

    Janet’s last blog post..Do you apologize for the mess in your house?

  60. San Francisco cocksucker.

    Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s last blog post..Garden Mutant Scares the Virgin Garden(er)

  61. What still gets me is you think you’re fat. My fat could kick the shit out of your fat anyday of the week.

    Robyn’s last blog post..More About Me, You Lucky Internet, You

  62. You can build a thousand bridges, but if you suck one cock, they don’t call you a bridge builder but a cocksucker

    ALWAYS, BUDDY’s last blog post..quote

  63. OMG! I about peed my pants reading that! I think that was one of my favorite posts from you so far!

    MK’s last blog post..Operation Princess Panty – Update

  64. Holy Fat Smoosher Batman – that looks painful – are you allowed to show up for future appointments shit-faced drunk, ‘cuz, DAMN!

    I love the questions you fired at the smoosher-chick as she was smooshing – they were exactly the kind of questions I would have asked, only maybe a little funnier (though if I could do it drunk, I would be VERY funny).

    All this to hang out in the ladies room at Blogher…are the stalls really tiny or something?

    we_be_toys’s last blog post..“Everybody’s bill gonna come due”

  65. Cocksuck 2008

    mymilabean’s last blog post..Things to do before I die

  66. Holy crap, that sounds painful. Peeing out fat, eh? Hmm. Let us know how that goes…

    RagingDad’s last blog post..Raging Hippy Grandma clears things up

  67. 68

    I tried to respond to another blog on the Chronicle, and in my response I used the c-word. But I asterisked all the letters but the c! This was not allowed and my response was DENIED. So, cunt cunt cocksucker cunt. Now I feel better. Thanks, Jenny.

  68. 69
    Just A. Reader

    Honestly, dear Bloggess, if you ever again decide you want a full-body hickey … well, you know how to reach me.

  69. Oooh, I see you had 69 comments on this post.

    Cocksucker 😉


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Hate crimes

  70. I am such a chickenshit that after seeing those photos I’ve made a vow to embrace my fat self.

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..How To Be An Asshole

  71. Soooooo…Did it work??? I need to know, although I am pretty much sold already.

    Felicity’s last blog post..Whatcha sayin doc, I got saggy boobs?

  72. Holy crap.

    Nora Bee’s last blog post..House-sitting

  73. Wow, that sounds NA-stee. Pee it out? Gaaahhhhhhhh.

    diesel’s last blog post..Thursday Shout-out

  74. you should TOTALLY check this site out. It is right up your bruised alley… http://www.br.org/blackrose/index.php?

  75. LOL…I just came over from AllMediocre…
    Funny stuff…do you engage those conversations because you know he will get all “technical” on you?? I just never imagined having a conversation with my dh that would get that involved in something like zombies…funny funny

    Dawn’s last blog post..Just what I needed to hear…and I want FREE stuff

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