My cat is worse than global warming.

Random crap I thought about this morning:

I just saw this new rug that’s supposed to help polar bears or something. 

I don’t really get it but the little 3-D polar bear is supposed to make you realize why global warming sucks and then when people come to your house they see it and they feel bad and then that somehow helps the bear.  It’s some metaphoric art thing that is deeply meaningful and probably hard to vacuum.  Also, in my house my cat would eat the shit out of that bear in like 5 seconds.  So metaphorically speaking, the real danger here is cats.  Or maybe the message here is that cats are more dangerous than global warning or polar bears.  Which, is a pretty poor analogy because cats aren’t dangerous at all unless you trip on them and fall without using your hands to catch you and you left a wooden dowel on the floor and it goes straight through your eyeball and into your brain and kills you.  Which would suck and actually now that I think about it, is probably more of an concern than global warming because I have lots of friends with cats and wooden dowels and I’ve never even seen a polar bear.  In fact, I’m not even sure they really exist.  So I guess the real message here is “Your cat is trying to murder you so make sure you catch yourself with your hands if it trips you because if you left wooden dowels sticking straight up around your house you’re probably gonna get impaled, dumb-ass.”  And also that polar bears are probably made up and don’t really exist.

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I just looked at this picture of Johnny Depp  was all “Oh my god, his arms are so skinny!  Why does he look like a muppet?  Is he sick?” and then I realized that that was his scarf and not his body.  I think the lesson here is that men shouldn’t wear scarves.  That look like arms.  There might not be a lesson here at all.

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There’s this website called “i am neurotic” that lets people submit their neuroses and then other people can say whether they have it too.  I’ve submitted several of mine and they never get past editorial approval which is kinda totally crushing.  So like, I’m so weird I can’t even get on the neuroses board.  That’s why instead, I’m going to put a few of my neuroses here and then you can tell me your neuroses and that would make me feel better by comparison.  So pony up, freaks.

  • I can’t leave the house without asking the cats to wish me good luck.  I don’t really think they’re giving me good luck but if I don’t do it I assume God will notice and think I think I’m too good to ask the cats for good luck and he’ll punish me with slow traffic or yellow fever. 

 

  • I can’t leave a comment on my own blog after the first ten unless it’s a direct question that someone is asking me because I get all intimidated by all the other people in the comment section.  On my own blog.

 

  • I can’t say the unlucky number out loud and if I have to say it I’ll need to say it one more time because somehow saying it the second time cancels out the first.  Sometimes if I’m having a bad day I’ll wonder if I accidentally thought the unlucky number and that’s what’s causing my bad day and so I’ll have to think it again in order to reverse the unlucky number spell.  If I’m in a building and I have to go to the unlucky number floor I can’t hit the button so I just ride the elevator until someone else presses it.  Did I mention that my real job is all about working with numbers?  And that whenever I have say the unlucky number I just say “12 plus 1” and then my coworkers laugh at me and say “You mean (UNLUCKY NUMBER)?” and then I throw them out of my office before the building can collapse from their wrecklessness.

UPDATED:  My coworkers just called me on the phone and yelled the unlucky number at me and then told me I spelled “wreckless” wrong and I’m like “No, I’m pretty sure that’s totally how you spell wreckless.  Because if you’re wreckless it causes wrecks.”  Then they laughed derisively at me and said the unlucky number again.  This is my life.

Comment of the day:  Another commenter said she has to check the toilet so a snake doesn’t bite her on the ass. I absolutely do this too. I think it’s because a friend of mine lifted the lid on her toilet one morning and found an opposum in it. For real.  Also, I sometimes find myself humming the most annoying combination of sounds that anyone in the world could ever come up. I annoy the hell out of myself and can’t make myself stop humming the sounds. In fact, the more I annoy myself the louder I hum them. It can sometimes go on for 45 minutes to an hour. ~ Sauntering Soul

279 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Right now, when it’s all quiet and there are no comments I have a mix of comfort that I’m all alone and terror that this is the post when everyone figures out that this blog is pointless and kinda ridiculous. That weird terrifying comfort? That’s where I live my whole life.

  2. My neuroses kick your neuroses ASS. Check this out:I refuse to lock airplane bathroom doors for fear of getting trapped in there. If I’m in a remote stairwell (because I won’t do elevators) I have to leave the big push door jammed open with something, then go investigate and see if I can actually get out, then come back and get my shoe/coffeee cup/jacket. I am flying my freak-flag, girl.

  3. No, you’re good. I just think you should be asking your cats for more than luck when you leave the house. I think you should ask them for continued safety from — gasp! — the wooden dowels.

    Ellie’s last blog post..The Journey

  4. My neurosis: I have to tap my toes when I’m driving, rhythmically. If they tap down when I go past a telephone pole, that is bad.

    Also, I need to scoot around on my butt double-checking my apartment for sticking-up dowels before I can walk on two feet. Thanks a lot.

    A.C.’s last blog post..Stupid Hair

  5. I’m beginning to wonder if all my bad luck stems from forgetting to ask my cats to wish me luck when leaving the house. Starting today those little sh*ts better start wishing me luck or no kibbles for you. Anyhow, I have too many neurotic habits and now I’ve developed one over that site. I’d obsess over the obvious rejection I’d feel when my neurotic habits don’t measure up. Oh and when I get on a plane, I can’t board without slapping the outside of the plane door with my right hand and saying “gitty-up little pony” – that is 100% true.

    motherbumper’s last blog post..I figured my retirement plan would involve something like this

  6. I live in the land of polar bears and they are very real and very pissed that their ice is melting. Global warming will not be so funny when you wake up with one eating your car because it can’t find any freakin seals to chew on.

    Neurosis: As a child my mother taught us to lift our feet if our car drove over railway tracks or you’d have bad luck. I still do it to this day, but now I’m driving. Thanks mom.

    Captain Dumbass’s last blog post..Juggling With Burning Toilet Paper

  7. Do you have triskaidekaphobia? It’s the fear of the number [12+1].

    Kylene’s last blog post..A list:

  8. Yes, I do have that trisket-thing but I don’t use that word because I’m afraid it’s latin for the unlucky number and I don’t want to be tricked into saying it even if it’s in a dead language.

  9. And you know how you cross your fingers for luck, but crossing two is BAD luck? Do they mean two fingers or two hands, because if it’s two fingers, then you really should be doing it on both hands. You know?

    Missy’s last blog post..Guest Review: Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

  10. 1- I only eat Skittles or M&M’s in single color combinations. And I eat them in a certain order every time.

    2- My mustard can’t touch my cheese or lettuce on a hamburger.

    3- I want to poke people’s eyes out when they say “supposably”.

    4- I only eat popcorn kernels in odd numbers.

    5- I have to put on deodorant immediately after unplugging my flat iron.

    6- I have to tell whoever I am with (husband, parents, whatever) that I love them right before I go to sleep because I was traumatized by the movie “Sarah Plain and Tall” as a 3rd grader and now I’m convinced that if I don’t they will die in their sleep and never know I loved them. (See what Hallmark will do to a kid?)

    7- I have to use the inside of the toilet paper because I freak out that some of the germs might have jumped onto the outside and I figure I can wash my hands easier than anything else in a public restroom.

    Don’t you feel better about yourself? And no one notices all these things. Probably why I’m totally a successful person. 🙂

  11. I don’t ask my dog to wish me good luck, but I do tell him to have a good day and clean up after his wild parties.

    I also slide my thumbs across my other fingernails in a pattern while I’m walking, and if I need to use my hands before I’m through I have to do it really quickly. I can’t stop in the middle.

  12. You are absolutely hilarious.

    Thank you so much for your posts – they absolutely CRACK my shit up.

    And I totally have neuroses that rival yours – I guess that makes us both human. 🙂

    ~anne 🙂
    http://www.happyfunpants.blogspot.com

    anne :)’s last blog post..PLEASE stop the band posts

  13. I am still wondering how the heck you vaccuum that rug.

    A lot of buildings in NYC don’t have a 12+1 floor. But then the 14th floor is really the unlucky floor, so I am not sure how that works.

    I can’t think of any of my own neuroses right now, which I think is a bad sign. I am so weird that my weirdness seems normal to me.

    -R-‘s last blog post..More Than You Wanted To Know

  14. You would totally appreciate this: A few weeks ago I was in New Orleans, the city of voodoo and ghost tours and the hotel I was staying in had an (unlucky number)floor. And MY ROOM WAS ON THAT FLOOR. How fucked up is that?? Nothing all that terrible happened while I was there except for a really bad cold but still! Had I died or gotten hit by a car, I would have sued the pants off that hotel.

    Heather B.’s last blog post..El Fin

  15. I love you people. Seriously. Half of you have totally normal neuroses that I totally have as well and the other half of you are wonderful freaks.

    Also, Captain Dumbass, I do the same railroad thing when I’m driving but I allow myself to keep my foot on the gas because technically that’s not touching the floor. And if I’m on a bus when I go over a railroad track I also have to put my pinky finger on a screw while I raise my feet.

  16. When the lonely commentless post is sitting there, I have the same fear – someday, all these people who are nice enough to comment are going to realize I’m a dumbass.

    It’s scary.

    Sunshine’s last blog post..I’m Paying You To Leave

  17. Whenever I’m at my desk I believe there’s a black snake under there that’s moments away from killing me.

    And I’m sorry but that Johnny Depp picture + analysis elicited a total freak out laughter thing. I’m serious. I was just caught in this weird laughing fit jag thing but I was totally self conscious too. And it wouldn’t stop. I was freaking out and wondering if I was a retard now because I couldn’t make myself stop laughing. I can’t really reproduce it but it went something like ha ha o god ha ha bloggess made me a retard ha ha ha. It was freaky. Warn a guy before you kill him with Johhny Depp.

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Bowling Guerilla Radio Housecleaning

  18. Wow. Those are some kick-ass neuroses people. Mine seem so lame by comparison, but I’ll share anyway.

    All sheets and blankets must be properly aligned and squared up when getting into bed at night. This drives the Husband crazy who will pull things willy-nilly over him as long as he’s warm and doesn’t really care about other occupants of the bed. Every man for himself, apparently.

    CANNOT, CANNOT, CANNOT touch food in the sink. I don’t care if it was on the plate I was eating from 1/100th of a second before. The instant it touches that sink, I am not touching it.

    When I was in graduate school, I reached a whole new level of stress that I actually became OCD and started going back to lock my car seven or eight times before going into class. I’ve since dropped that.

    Always flush public toilets with shoe. I hope most people do that. Otherwise they’re getting my shoe germs all over their hands.

    Feather Nester’s last blog post..Do a Little Dance

  19. 19
    Just A. Reader

    Did you notice that your reply to Kylene appears before Kylene’s question? I’m a little creeped out by that.

  20. 20
    Just A. Reader

    Did you notice that you swapped them while I was writing that post? Now I look like a total dumbass.

  21. Neuroses? Oh, I gots a few of those.

    I only wear black clothes to work because I’m too fearful of matching colors and shoes.

    I make lists for everything I do and I’ll even make lists for other people (who aren’t even my family).

    I feel unfulfilled if I am not able to completely run the ink out of the pens I keep on my desk. Also the pencil on my desk is less than 2″ long (including the eraser) and I insist on using it despite it’s really hard to told. I have to stick a pin in the eraser to sharpen it. (And I’ve blogged about my short pencil … several times … and I might just do it again today.)

    I could go on and on.

    Robin’s last blog post..Geeks Who Drink Week 3

  22. I eat my M&Ms by dividing them all into color groups and then matching them into groups with one of each color, then I eat the oddballs first.

    I tell my Dogs “Bye, I love you, I’ll see you later.” Every morning when I leave for work. I’ve begun telling my son to do the same (“Say good bye to the puppies!”) I intend for my neurosis to continue even after my demise.

    Kristine’s last blog post..The very last time we ever eat at BW3s

  23. Well, I am past number ten, so Jenny won’t be replying, but…did you see the Dark Knight? Because that fear of cylindrical wooden objects? Is SO right on. And I’m trying to figure out how a rug could help the polar bears. I mean, wouldn’t a warm rug just melt more of the ice? Do polar bears have decorating issues? Captain Dumbass, get on that, will you?

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..Dr. Ruth, Marilyn Monroe, and a Very Frugal Old Man

  24. At least they said the unlucky number twice, so now you should have a very lucky day.

    Also, did you know that if you kiss someone on the elbow, it will change their sex? (Like from boy to girl, not from bad to good.) If you do it again, it will change it back. This is sort of like the lucky number thing, so I thought you might be interested.

    Does that question about whether you know that count as a direct question? If so, will it get an answer, even though I’m comment #22? (You could chose to consider this a direct question, or a rhetorical question, or a Question to the Universe. In which case, you could play Universe, and answer.)

    Also (and then I promise I’ll stop leaving you a novel for a comment), you could come up with really clever pseudonyms so that you could jump into the comments after #10 but do it anonymously. It would be a fun game to see if we could figure out which funny names were really you. Not that you don’t have enough to do all day than provide us with funny games. But it would be fun. 🙂

    MommyTime’s last blog post..My Life as a Racehorse

  25. ok, ok ….ok

    what’s fucked up… is i have that same rug, but instead of a 3D polar bear… it’s a likeness of skinny-armed Johnny Depp

    i chose that one even though the skinny-armed richard greico was half the cost

    oh shit, gotta go, dog is chewing on johnny again

    furiousball’s last blog post..W.A.S.P. and Immanuel Kant

  26. 26
    AdrianaHearts

    So no one noticed the random little boy with the laptop in his underwear when you click the link to the polar bear rug? Just sayin’…

    Also…I am so very glad to see I am not the only M&M/Skittles segregationist out there! My friends tease me mercilessly about it.

    I can’t stand the word “moist” or “panties”. This makes for a very unfortunate combination. They both freak me out. So my friends will text me with those words together at every inappropriate moment they can find. If I have to refer to it, and who does? I say MP’s.

    I think my cat may be trying to kill me. Better keep dowels out of the house…

  27. I agree that dowels and cats re dangerous. I’m actually still recovering from an incident. You think I’m lying, but I swear it’s the truth.

    Sara’s last blog post..Seven Ice-Breakers in Online Dating

  28. Crap I just laughed so hard I almost spit coffee everywhere.

    My neurosis is too weird, but I will say I vacuum, alot.

    KD @ A Bit Squirrelly’s last blog post..Can You Have A Six-Pack With Stretch Marks?

  29. I can always count on you for a laugh!

  30. When I’m getting ready to leave the house I have to say out loud “I put my keys in the bag” while I’m putting them in my bag. Otherwise I’ll check about 30 times to make sure I have said keys and then the next thing you know, I’m late.

    I also am a crazy zipper checker. For some reason I am terrified to have my zipper down in public and will make a fool of myself just to check that it’s not. When will my brain realize that grabbing my crotch in public is just as ridiculous? Luckily I invented the “just adjusting my belt buckle” technique.

  31. I’m not sure if these are phobias so much as just almost OCD: in the morning, if I don’t get ready in my “usual” order (as in, go to the bathroom, feed dogs, plug in curling iron, brush teeth, take pills, etc.) then I always FORGET something and don’t remember until I get to work. Usually I forget the “put on deodorant” or “take pills” part… not good… not good at all! So I freak out when my usual routine is messed up.

    And, I, too am a list maker. I make lists of my lists… then combine my lists. Make new lists when 2 or more items are crossed off because it bothers me when things start getting crossed off and they aren’t in order (as in from the top!)

    I have to hit the snooze at least twice before I can get up – so I then have my husband set the alarm for 20 minutes before I intend to get up. My clock in the bathroom is set 12 minutes fast, so I know I still have 12 minutes… None of this fools me and I am still always late.

    I’m afraid of crickets and spiders. I can’t just step on them or swat at them with a kleenex. I usually end up spraying them with hairspray (Because they always attack me when I’m alone in the bathroom) until they stiffen up, then wait for my husband to take them away. This is kind of messy and not recommended, but that’s how I roll.

    Do I need help? (or more pills, maybe?) LOL

    Becky’s last blog post..Something fun from Pattie…

  32. The one thing that makes me so crazy I have to say something is when people say “whenever” about a single event that happened in the past … like this: So, whenever I had my stroke, I forgot how to use grammar properly.”

    I’m having de ja vous – is that how it’s spelled? I feel like I’ve posted this before, have I? Am I going crazy – all three kids (6, 2, and 2 months) slept thru the night, is that the first sign of insanity?

    mrs b. roth’s last blog post..Child Neglect

  33. This shit is so funny I don’t even know where to start.

    So, I guess I will put one of my man quirks, the one that drives my husband the most crazy.
    I cannot let the microwave buzzer go off. I stand by it and when it gets to 1, I open it.
    So, our microwave clock always says, 00:01. I don’t particularly know what this bugs my puss husband, but it does.

    When I was 3, a dairy had to recall diseased eggs. Twenty-five years later, I still can’t eat one, unless of course it is in cake batter or some other sugary, fatty piece of heaven.

    When I get excited, I beat my chest like a bongo.

    There are many, many more. I just thought those would suffice.

    shonda little’s last blog post..Paris Does Politics

  34. My cat would probably eat the polar bear, and then take a big crap on the rug. Just for good measure.

    Amie’s last blog post..THE ONE WHERE I BRIEFLY CHANNEL CHARLIE BROWN

  35. My main neurosis: I have to hug, kiss and tell each of my kids I love them when I leave the house in case I die. That way, they won’t get too upset that I blew their college tuition on booze and girl scout cookies.

    When I get really down, though, I just watch this video. This guy makes me feel so good about myself, it’s amazing. He’s CREEPY.

    Andy’s last blog post..Random Thautz on 2008-08-06

  36. I can’t stand thinking about the fact that my toes touch each other. I realized this when I attempted a yoga class.

    Since I’m very flexible (the only somewhat athletic thing about me), I decided that I would be really really great at yoga. And therefore I would really really love it. Not so much.

    Seems that there is a lot of quiet meditation involved in yoga and my mind doesn’t do quiet meditation well. And contorting myself into a pretzel doesn’t make this anymore possible. I’m still thinking about the wet laundry that I forgot to put in the dryer and imagining the mildew that must be growing that very second.

    Then you are asked to concentrate on the different parts of your body and feel them relaxing. I didn’t get very far with this since this usually starts with your toes. When asked to “focus on my toes, how they’re connected to my feet, how they’re touching each other…” I do not relax. I want to rip off my toes and run out of the room screaming (which would probably be difficult without any toes).

    I also can’t stand to see people pull on their ears or the skin on their neck. This also makes me want to run out of the room screaming or possibly faint.

    Kate’s last blog post..Bandita

  37. Wow, I wish I had a neurosis…I’ll have to work on that. Thanks for sharing though. You always brighten my day in a voyeuristic sort of way. But not the pervy kind of voyeurism.
    They should make those rugs buoyant and deploy them in the ocean so the bears have a place to rest. I don’t think it’ll do a whole lot of good in your living room.

    Jim’s last blog post..The Boy Wises Up (about adoption)

  38. You know, I’ve never had any trouble with the number 13. I was born on the 13th day of the month, lived the first 13 years of my life on county road 13. Even Friday the 13th doesn’t bother me. In fact, it seems like Friday the 13th usually goes better than most days, probably because everyone else is being extra cautious. 13’s just fine. You should stop worrying about 13. (13,13,13,13,13)

    Steve’s last blog post..It Could Happen To You

  39. OMgosh. You just totally made my day and it’s barely 10am.

    I totally hate the unlucky number. I broke my finger on Friday the unlucky number in fifth grade and started my first every period on Friday the unlucky number in eight grade.

    I seriously cannot go downtown Htown by myself for fear of getting lost in the concrete noodles that run every direction except the direction that I need to go. It’s a conspiracy. Everyone is out to get me lost. One time I ended up heading for Dallas before I even figured out what freeway I was on. Oh, and don’t get me started on the time the icy streets made me back track. I had forgotten to leave my trail of bread crumbs and wanted to curl up in a ball with the homeless guy on the corner.

    sassy stephanie’s last blog post..tag…I’m it

  40. If I do something to one side of my face, say scratch a cheek, I HAVE TO do it to the other side even if it doesn’t itch, otherwise it will bother the shit out of me.

    I don’t think that’s too strange, but the people that live under my bed and grab my feet if I don’t run and then leap into my bed say that it is (and they only whisper and have skeleton-y hands)

    mymilabean’s last blog post..My birthday weekend, or “why ziplines and beer don’t mix”

  41. Actually, it turns out that global warming is GREAT for cats:

    http://features.csmonitor.com/environment/2008/07/23/global-warming-could-lead-to-more-kittens/

    So I guess this means that cats ARE worse than global warming. Or that global warming will cause us to be overtaken by cats. Or something like that.

    My neurosis is a strange fear of being buried alive under an avalanche of cats.

    Kady’s last blog post..Put a Nickel on the Drum, Save Another Drunken Bum…

  42. Don’t worry, Bloggess, we all figured out long ago that this blog is pointless and kinda ridiculous. Still, we return to it again and again. I guess that could be considered a collective neurosis of your readers!

    As far as the “number who shall not be named” goes, why is it even considered unlucky? Sure, there’s all types of theories, but I personally think it was a just prank started way back that kind of ran out of control. You know, kind of like 666 being the “number of the beast”. People get all freaked about 666 but then, a year or two back, they were examining some old scroll more closely and came to the conclusion that the number mentioned in the Bible is actually 616. Everyone spent all that time freaking our about the WRONG NUMBER!

    By the way, what is 667? The NEIGHBOR of the beast! Man, that never gets old…

  43. My nerosis:

    -I can’t touch the walls of the shower, or have my foot touch the drain. This grosses me out to no end…and no, I’m not into shower sex.

    -Nothing makes me want to puke like cleaning out the little mesh drain in the kitchen sink. Thank fucking god we have a garbage disposal in my new house. Sometimes I find myself about to try to make out with the garbage disposal cause I love it so much, but then my roommate catches me and stops me. I think he’s jealous.

    -I love that you say “wish me luck!” to your cats, cause that’s totally something I could see myself doing, and probably will do from now on.

    Georgia’s last blog post..Why The Question “Hamburger Pie?” Made Me Cry

  44. I have three dogs and a cat, who’s name is Audrey. Every time I leave the house I have to say, “Everyone be good. Audrey’s in charge.” Because my 7lb cat can wrangle my 75lb lab mix, my 65lb shepherd mix, and my 12lb min pin.

    jenni’s last blog post..One of those Days

  45. And, because I’m crazy.

    jenni’s last blog post..One of those Days

  46. I also have to get ready in the morning in a certain order, but not because I will forget a step… because if I don’t go by my routine it stresses me the fuck out and I end up being grumpy all day, but the problem is I can’t explain to the people I bitch out because they will think I am crazy.

    I HAVE TO read lists starting from the bottom and work my way up. This is true with all lists… going through folders on my computer, grocery lists, the list of headlines on news websites… I could never be a graduation announcer person.

    When eating dinner I take one bite of each item in a clockwise pattern and repeat until I am done. My husband eats all of one item then moves to the next, which drives me fucking crazy because he can’t tell me if the salmon is any good because he is still fucking eating his asparagus! Crazy bastard.

  47. Polar Bears DO exists because they are on Lost and Lost would never lie to us. Lost would confuse the shit out of you and leave you wondering, but it would never flat-out lie. And global warming is less dangerous than cats because I’m not allergic to global warming. Cats make me take Allegra-d which is frizzeeking exspensive.

  48. I feel less alone now. There are so many (none of Jenny’s) that are me, I just keep nodding as I read through.

    I can’t see someone wearing open-toed shoes without counting their toes. You’d be amazed how many don’t actually equate to 10.

    bobo knows’s last blog post..Gardening Blows Chunks

  49. 49
    Just A. Reader

    number mentioned in the Bible is actually 616

    You know what 6+1+6 is, don’t you?

  50. Dude. I say “thank you” to my computer and give it an affectionate pat every evening before I lock it in its little drawer-house because I am CONVINCED that someday computers are going to become smarter than humans and take over the world and kill/enslave us all and I’m really hoping that my few moments of kindness will win me one of the more “cushy” enslavement positions… you know, like the slaves in the south that got to work inside the house… that’s the job this gal wants.

    Did I mention I love my computer? Because I totally do.

    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..The Letter

  51. I don’t know if this is so much a neurosis as a really freaking strange personal quirk. I cannot, absolutely CANNOT, eat a Kit Kat the way normal people do. I have to eat all the chocolate off the sides first, then the top layer of chocolate, then I eat it one layer at a time. This may be the cause of my divorce as often my husband will deliberately cause me to break a wafer and then I have to throw it away. Methodical insanity, that’s my mojo.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..Peyton gets her Rocky Balboa on

  52. When I put condiments on my hamburger, they always have to go on the bottom of the patty, in this order – ketchup, mustard, pickle. They can never be on top or — shudder — on the cheese. Because that’s just wrong.

    I cannot go down an escalator without holding on the railing because if I let go it, I get all wobbly like I’m going to fall. I also can’t walk straight on to an escalator without holding on, because seriously, I’d just keep going forward while my feet stayed in place and I’d have thost weird escalator-step lines all over my head.

    I have a ridiculously neurotic routine in the morning wherein I perform all beautifying steps in the exact same order every single day. If someone watched me get ready in the morning, they would think I was a robot or something.

    I tried to be neurotic about where my kids’ toys get put away, but they thwarted me at every step along the way. Therefore, I no longer go into the playroom. It is their and my husband’s room to deal with now.

    How’s that? Feel a little better about yourself?

    Jill (CDJ)’s last blog post..Can I get delivery confirmation on this puppy?

  53. It comes down to spiders. I must check the shower before I get in, because I’ve been “accompanied” so many times in there. I also eye the roll of toilet paper warily as I spin it, as I’ve had one pop out of there before, too. and I step on my shoes before putting them on usually, too, just in case, so I can squish it before it bites me.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Down and Out in Riverdale

  54. *waves hi to Jenny*

    So, Sassy Stephanie, any chance you are looking for a BFF who is a true kindred spirit, also suffering from htownaphobia?

    Because if you are, I will totally make room for you in my schedule.

    Do you by any chance sort your M&Ms and Skittles like Jessica, too?

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Until it comes back to you

  55. You win.

  56. my mind just got blown. i totally had a dream about a polar bear last night.

    liv’s last blog post..wednesday obsessions…

  57. How about for random crap – I am wearing new deodorant and I keep getting distracted as I wonder where the perfume smell is coming from?

  58. I totally want to check out that neurotic site but is it totally anonymous??? And um, I’d love a muppet Johnny Depp.

    Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..Lady Bug Belly

  59. Does the rug come with all the blue around it? Because otherwise, it’s a really tiny, really shitty rug. Well, it kind of was already anyway. But a great cat toy!

    Jessica’s last blog post..Ashley and Jason: The Bridal Session

  60. jenny, you’re bat crap crazy.

    which means i am bat crap crazy because i definitely do the railroad thing with the screw and feet and all that.

    we’ll get into my other odd habits later..

    biddy’s last blog post..bloggy vacation, revisited

  61. I am so afraid of sharks that I can not have my feet on the floor when the subject comes up. Yes this even applies when I am in the car… yes even if I’m driving.

    I also pick my feet up when going over the train tracks, but while doing that I have to cross my fingers and touch the window with my crossed fingers.

    I am afraid of people touching my bellybutton.

  62. I like the rug, buuuuuuut I would be afraid to walk on it for fear of falling into the icy cold ocean. I am sure the little bear would last through our cat, but not the kids. And my son has denounced Polar Bears, because he can’t believe that there is an animal so stupid as to get caught up in the hype.

    My problems: I must have clean floors, EVERYDAY, or the world will succomb to evil. It will be all my fault and I can’t live with that.

    SoMo’s last blog post..More Problems with Blogging

  63. There has to be a drinking game that you can devise for someone who owns that rug. Bear Pong?

    Urban Houstonian’s last blog post..Hurricana

  64. Damn, as I read through the comments, I am reminded more and more of my psycho habits…

    When getting on escalators, I have to watch 3 steps go by before I can get on. This really pisses people off.

    I say “thank you” to my car and pat the dash lovingly every time I have to drive agressively to pass stupid drivers. Sometimes I even blow my stearing wheel a kiss.

    Raw chicken grosses me out to the point that I cannot eat it after it is cooked after I have seen it raw.

    I should stop now.

  65. I won’t kill flies or othere insects because I’m afraid someday they’ll rule the world and everyone will die except me because they’ll remember that one girl that let them live another day. I don’t know if that’s so much neurotic as it is psychotic.

    gingela5’s last blog post..Tar Heel…

  66. I am such a card-carrying member of your crazy-ass neurotic tribe.

    But I always have to put my crazy-ass-tribe-member card in my wallet with my picture under the pocket and then insert my wallet with the top facing up and make sure my purse has the pockets facing out and on my right shoulder but slightly in front of my shoulder and definitely not slightly behind me.

    Velveteen Mind – Megan’s last blog post..When Batman and Hellboy are no help, call on Dora and Diego. Ayuda me!

  67. I hate nickels. They are so full of themselves- they are too big and heavy for their own good. If you were to pick any random day and ask me to empty the coin purse on my wallet, you would find a nickel exactly 0% of the time. I would rather leave a nickel in the “leave a penny” dish, or throw it under the car next to me in the parking lot than carry it’s over-inflated ego around with me everywhere. Plucky little bastard.

    Actually I am quite perturbed with the size/weight allocation of most currency systems. The most worthless money should be the smallest and weigh the least. The dime needs to trade with the nickel, which in turn needs to trade with the penny. The quarter is spot-on, but the dollar and half-dollar need to swap and get real.

    Kari’s last blog post..Looking Like A Done Deal! Nether-Noser-Land Castle Details.

  68. johnny depp comment made me laugh very very loud.

    my colleague just look around the corner at me and rolled their eyes. or was it just one of them?

  69. If you were a Pagan, that unlucky number would be lucky to you. It’s all in how you look at it. Maybe if you could develop a neurosis that was positive, things would be more fun. (For example, I love getting off on the 12 + 1 floor; I walk around feeling blessed and protected. Even though I’m more of a Buddhist than a Pagan.)

    Your mind seems pretty powerful. I bet you’d experience all kinds of crazy fun.

    As for my own weirdness… when it rains, I feel the need to go and lie down in the lawn and appreciate how it feels to be dirt sucking up water. Or it will never rain again. And I never sing (or let my kids sing) Rain, Rain, Go Away. Oh yah, when I’m stressed, I rub the top of my man’s fingernails. It soothes me.

    Wendy’s last blog post..Weird Kid Wednesday- Joey’s Manicure

  70. if i spill some sort of food item on my clothes, i can actually feel it the body part that the clothes covers (no matter if it’s a tiny, invisible to the naked eye spill or if it didn’t even soak through). and i become super self conscious and feel that everyone is staring at my giant peanut sauce stain on my left breast. i should get over this because, to be frank, it happens to me near daily.

    i also eat m&m’s and skittles by color, arranged by rainbow, in lines, eating from the longest rows first to get the colors even, then eating them color by color. this is very difficult when i’m not sitting at a desk or table.

    i walk tip-toed on hard surfaces if i’m barefoot (except at my own house). too many years of living with roommates who thought that cleaning off the counter meant wiping their toast crumbs onto the floor. this has proven to be a little bit more difficult first thing in the morning…my feet feel stiff.

    in the car, i always shut everything down before i turn the key off. radio, a/c, wipers, whatever. also, i lock my doors right after i get in the car, but usually forget to unlock until i’m ready to get out. makes passengers a little frustrated. safety first.

    i currently have no plants, but when i was in college, i named all of my plants…first name was a random name, second name was something even more random, last name was always the name of a boy i liked.

    ta-da.

    adriane’s last blog post..my little joker.

  71. I alway start on the last page of a magazine and read it backwards because I am afraid that all the stuff on the last few pages will be gone if I read it start to finish. I never worry about the first pages being gone if I read it backwards though, because they’re the first pages–they have to be there to make a good impession for the next person and they don’t want to dissapoint. Duh.

  72. Help.

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

    Hurts. To. Breathe.

    Love. You.

    jennydecki’s last blog post..That Client Thing (aka I made a bad decision)

  73. 12+1 is my LUCKY number. I was born on that day, that’s luck enough, right.

    I will only eat the red and orange Skittles, for the mere fact that they taste the best. I only eat red and pink Starbursts for the same reason. I do, however, arrange all of my M&M’s into color groups and then eat one out of each group at a time, they’re better that way!

    Jenny thanks for always making me laugh, you’re the best!

    Greis (Grace)’s last blog post..Happy Wordless Wednesday…

  74. I totally see the muppet thing. It made me laugh outloud. BubTar was like “Geez Mom, what are you LAUGHING at?” I’m being judged by my 6 year old thanks to you. 😉

    Kyla’s last blog post..So, tell me about 25.

  75. I’m pretty certain polar bears do exist… they live somewhere among the unicorns and leprechauns.

    And watch what you say, ’cause I’m pretty sure PETA will be on your jock when they find out you let your cat eat that endangered 3-D polar bear on the rug.

  76. Not too intimidating to by comment #74. Sheesh.

    I must touch the outside of the airplane before I board tracing an X with my index finger and then tapping the center of the X three times. If I don’t, it will crash. I try to hide it and just pretend I’m leaning on the doorway waiting for people to sit their asses down.

    I always have to tell people I love them before I leave or hang up the phone because I’m sure that’s the last time I’ll talk to them and they won’t know.

    I can’t stand when someone leaves time left on the microwave. Like Shonda Little I usually don’t let the buzzer go off, but if I see any time left, I MUST hit clear.

    I have to open all programs on my computer in a particular order. If they get out of order, I have to close them all out and start over.

    I still make a wish whenever I see a shooting star, because even though I know there’s no Tooth Fairy (sorry!) I don’t want to take any chances on shooting stars because they might still work.

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..Too Much Tea

  77. THERE’S NO TOOTH FAIRY?!?!?!

  78. And look it took me so long to write my comment that I didn’t get to be #74. I was #76.

    YOU KNOW WHAT 7 + 6 IS?????

    Man, the sh*t that’s going to happen to me today.

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..Too Much Tea

  79. Can you prove good luck exists? Like the polar bear, I’ve never actually seen good luck.

    (and that’s a direct question, so even though I’m past comment 10, I’m forcing you to comment on your own blog)

    Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..It’s True – The Turdlet Doesn’t Fall Far From the Ass

  80. I think I’m kind of in love with you for sayting all those things I think (not exactly the SAME things but you known what I mean) but do not say. I often tell people they have to be drunk to follow my train(s) of thoughts.

    Chris’s last blog post..“I have myself.”

  81. Hi Jenny,

    I wanted to know your thoughts on Jon Armstrongs latest entry. He is saying that you were threating physical harm to Heather (dooce) at Blogher and that you’re a drunk.

  82. I don’t really know what to say to that. I’ll continue to apologize for any misunderstanding and thankfully I think my friends and readers read the original blurb and recognized that I was just being complimentary to her and self-deprecating to me.

  83. You are so right on about that picture of Johnny Depp.

  84. Dude, polar bears are SO real. I’ve seen them at the zoo… unless those are just some other kind of bear and the zookeepers just put a whole lot of bleach in that moat thingy that surrounds their ‘habitat’… hm..

    Neurosis..
    I abhor poor grammar. HATE it. Makes my skin crawl and my eyes bleed.

    Even though everyone says it’s safer to sleep with your bedroom door closed so that if your house catches fire you don’t die of smoke inhalation before you know it’s on fire.. I prefer to keep them open so no one will be at risk of burning their hands on the door knobs when they try to get out of their room. Heck, my boys don’t even have a bedroom door! (wow… stellar grammar, no?)

    I always go pee before I weigh myself.

    PunkOnFire’s last blog post..Coffee with Milk

  85. I’m, now over here feeling all left out because my neuroses (I can’t even spell the freakin word!) are things like:
    ~counting steps every time I climb a flight of stairs
    ~smelling everything after it is washed in case it might have that mildew smell
    ~smelling something that smells like shit like 3 times to really confirm for myself that it smells like shit
    ~not allowing my kids to eat syrup on school days because I knew this kid named Danny who rode my bus and he always smelled like syrup and that was just gross (an 8th grader shouldn’t smell like syrup)

    I think you are keenly intune with yourself and that is why you can so readily come up with your neuro (whatever)

    Kelly’s last blog post..The Day my Uterus Fell Out (and other fun happenings at the Lake)

  86. You know what I’m loving about this thread? Job Security.

    Mine is religious: They told me in first grade that when we open a prayer with the sign of the cross, we’re picking up the phone line to God, and when we do the same at the end of the prayer, we’re hanging up the phone line.

    So now, I have to make sure that when I’m in church I cross myself an odd number of times because if it’s even, I’ve hung up on God in the middle of the service and nothing I say afterward will count. I also have to make sure I’m on an even number when I leave so I don’t leave an open phone line.

    Lunasea’s last blog post..Why I’m Like This

  87. I have to look in the toilet before I can go, even if it’s 3 am (I was a blast when pregnant with all the toilet checking and dancing) because I’m convinced that the one time I don’t? That will be the time that the poisonous snake comes up and bites me in the ass.

    I check the door 7 times before I go to bed to make sure it’s locked. I don’t know why 7, but never less and never more.

    I do the railroad thing too.

    If someone even mentions feet around me my toes curl. Even the mere mention of a pedicure strikes fear in me. NOBODY is touching my feet. I made a deal with my husband where he will chop off my feet when I die so that the mortician can’t touch them and I won’t come back and haunt him.

    Mrs X’s last blog post..Ready to do his duty for Rome

  88. not terribly neurotic but potentially damaging to small impressionable children: I can never, ever clean my plate. I have to leave one bite to throw away. Like the big ‘ha! fuck you!’ to my mother – still.

    probably slightly more neurotic: cn’t s vwlls whn m dvlgng srsly fckd p nrss.

    gwendomama’s last blog post..When Children Die: What to Do. Or Say. Or Not.

  89. I still entertain the possibility of something being under my bed. So I run and jump to get in it..and I’m an adult. Also, I’m sort of scared of strangers.

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..Letter to Myself at 18

  90. I have to wash the dishes in a specific order – glasses, mugs, flat plats, bowls and other plates, cutlery, mixing bowls/plastic containers, then pots/pans. If I forget a glass half-way through it stays on the counter until next washing. No exceptions. I don’t trust anyone else to wash dishes in my house because they will do it wrong.

    Also, I sing the “Ladybug’s Picnic” song in my head every time I fill my water glass (I can’t believe I just admitted that).

    Lyndsey’s last blog post..Getting ahead of myself

  91. When I’m typing and I type a word like “loose” but I meant to type “lapsed”, a can’t just delete the word back to the first letter and use that letter in new correct word, because it feels like it truly belongs to the first word, so I have to make sure that I also delete the first letter and retype it, even if it is the same. Otherwise, I am clouded over with a sense of impending doom.

    schmutzie’s last blog post..Twenty-Five Things I’ve Actually Stolen

  92. I have to sleep with blankets covering everything but my face otherwise monsters will get me.

    I have a fear of leaving the garage door open and people coming and and stealing all our stuff so I can’t drive away until the door is totally shut. Sometimes I even have to circle around the block two or three times to make sure it’s really, really shut and didn’t spring back open once I turned away. Sometimes I have to take a picture of the closed door with my cell phone so that I can look at it and reassure myself. Although all that might be less neurotic and more actual OCD.

    Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..Dreaming

  93. I think the lesson here is to NOT let your co-workers read your blog.

    Karmyn R’s last blog post..After Nine Years You Think You’d Know Someone….

  94. I have to wash the dishes in a specific order – glasses, mugs, flat plats, bowls and other plates, cutlery, mixing bowls/plastic containers, then pots/pans. If I forget a glass half-way through it stays on the counter until next washing. No exceptions. I don’t trust anyone else to wash dishes in my house because they will do it wrong.

    Also, I sing the “Ladybug’s Picnic” song in my head every time I fill my water glass (I can’t believe I just admitted that).

    Ms. Sm’Allards’s last blog post..Getting ahead of myself

  95. men should NEVER wear scarves. ever.

    ali’s last blog post..of pasta birthdays and pineapple express dreams

  96. Our cats try to kill us by either cutting in front of us or by rushing past at a pace that will throw off our momentum while we go down the stairs. Sometimes one will run between feet or just sit in the way. I think they figure a broken neck is closer to a sure thing than the dowel through the eye scenario.

    That’s not the royal we, by the way. The cats are trying to kill my husband too.

    My neuroses? Are not interesting. They’re pretty much your average “everybody has this neurosis” neuroses.

    My biggest is probably spiders. Spiders=evil. One touches you and you die. And I am convinced they speak English. Every spring and every fall I make a general announcement inside the house and then repeat it on the front and back porches. “If you stay outside, you can live. Come inside, spiders, and I will kill you.” (Though really, I’ll probably have my husband do it. See touching spiders equals death above.)

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..An Office of Her Own

  97. I have an alarm clock disorder
    , which takes me too long to explain because it’s too INSANE. Also, I have to count stairs when I walk up them, but not when I walk down. And whenever I check the time on a digital clock (like, say, on my computer every 2 minutes or whatever), I have to then go through all of the mathematical possibilities of the numbers that make up the time. Like right now it’s 9:53, so 9+5+3=15, and 9X5X3=135, and (9+5)X3=36, and it can go on and on and on.
    Also, when I’m really stressed out/sad/angry/whatever, I find putting on makeup to be incredibly soothing, particularly eyeliner.
    And I am constantly playing word games in my head. Like when I’m driving, I try to make words out of the three letter combination in the license plate. Or I try to find the alphabet in passing street signs. Or I try to rearrange people’s names into words.
    And um, I’m not going to tell you anymore because when I write them all down at the same time I feel a whole lot crazier, if you know what I mean.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..My accidental diet

  98. You are a genious!! That is why you have these small ticks and things that you believe make you look “crazy,” but truly are just a reflection of a very high IQ. (Or so the voices in my head tell me.)

    I tend to add up things as well, the date for instance… 8/07/2008…8+7+2+5=25..2+5=7…= ahhhhhh a good day because lucky number 7!! We all do these things to get us through the day. Because life is just a random pile of whirling crap that we must dodge, and duck from each day. But Girl… YOU are funny.

  99. isn’t it great that the internet can bring us all together in our shared odd?

    bath towels: i use one for my head, and one for my body. the inside of head towel is for drying my face, the other is to wrap my hair in. the body towel on the inside is for my privates, the outside for the other parts of my body.

    i have specific “tooth” towels. i keep them on the counter near the tooth brushes and paste.

    when food shopping, i can’t pick the first item showing, i have to get the one in the back b/c by god that can is fresher.

    i have more, it’s pretty sad some days.

    piglet’s last blog post..a stellar day despite the near-fatal heat that surrounds our area.

  100. I’ve got a neurosis that is freakish and ghoulish. I swear that I’m going to die away from home so every morning before I leave the house to go to work I make sure everything is in it’s place and put away in case I never return.

    Oh and that Johnny Depp looked best when he was dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow…hey it’s a look.

    Jenn’s last blog post..Nocturnal Stalking

  101. Your not that special…I have eat all my snacks, cookies, candy, chips, etc, in even numbers. One for each side of my mouth, naturally. If I end up with an odd number, I have to get one more to make it even.

    Stacy’s last blog post..Fear and Mothering

  102. I peed myself laughing at whole the polar bear part. Nicely done.

    Also, I always tell the dogs I love them and pat each one on the head when I leave. I always think if I don’t they will think I’ve abandoned them.

    MayB’s last blog post..Counting

  103. Dasiy the Wonderdog agrees that cats are the cause of global warming, and most be eliminated. She’s delighted that someone was brave enough to blog it.

  104. […] today, I’m reading The Blogess’ post about her neuroses, and one of the comments attributes this same compulsion to the movie […]

  105. I cannot sleep, ever, with my hand hanging over the side of the bed – because then the monsters will grab it and pull me under, but they totally can’t do that unless the hand is hanging over the edge of the bed. So very embarrassed to have just written that. I am new to your site, and you are hilarious!

  106. What happens if Johnny Depp uses his skinny arms to hold a can of aerosol spray and sprays it on that polar bear rug? The CFCs will KILL the ozone layer. I think Johnny Depp causes global warming. Or maybe that’s just a hot flash I’m having.

    My neuroses? Too many to list, but at the store, if I buy something on sale, I have to get it in sets of two or four. One time the checker asked if I had twins. The entire basket was full of paired up items. Bitch.

  107. When putting away dishes, I put the just cleaned ones in the back or bottom of the pile and move the ones that are clean but weren’t just cleaned to the front.

    I do the same thing with my laundry.

    I have towels wrapped around the floor mats of my car because they’re easier to clean than the floor mats.

    I still sleep with a stuffed animal because when I was little I thought my stuffed animals came to life at night and protected me from monsters and burglars and stuff.

    Not only do I have to open my computer programs in a certain order, but the first four tabs in Firefox have to be in a certain order.

    When I buy new shoes, I place a post it on the outside of the box with how much I paid and when I bought them. Then every time I wear the shoes, the post it gets a hash mark. This is so I know if I’m getting my money’s worth out of the shoes.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Day #28

  108. I LOVE YOU.

    Sorry, I had to say it. Your genius knows no bounds. I heart the new wreckless, too.

    And because of all of this love I feel, I will admit here my horribly embarrassing piddly neurotic tic, and pray no one I know is looking at comment #100 or whatever.

    If I even think something bad is going to happen, most often this is when I am driving and I imagine some kind of accident, I have to knock on my skull three times with my knuckles (a variation of knock on wood) to prevent it.

    Even writing about this, I had to stop typing and knock on my head.

    If someone else is in the car, or otherwise might notice, I effect a kind of oh-i-have-an-itch or this is what I do to my head when I wonder something technique, to keep the move below-radar.

    Julie @ the calm before the stork’s last blog post..baby einstein swinging purple people sleeper

  109. 109
    Aprylsantics

    I’m totally starting a line of household decor representing all of the crappy things going on in the world. How many people would totally dig a lovely cancerous tumor rug or a nice wallpaper border depicting genocide in Africa? Clearly this is the wave of the future and I’m grabbing my surfboard—my autism surfboard that is.

  110. That is TOO funny! I literally laughed out loud. My husband is always saying the polar bears aren’t real, and griping about the commercials to “save the polar bears.” Seriously, we have more dangerous things to worry about. Like being impaled by a wooden spoon lol.

    Cassie’s last blog post..Sore losers

  111. OMG, I had the perfect response, and I was scrolling so fast past all the other, probably less-than-perfect responses and it made me superdizzy and now I can’t remember what my perfect response was going to be.

    I hope you’re all happy.

    oh, and do you wait until the cats wish you “good luck”? Because if your cats do THAT, that’s like the best luck of all.

    Marinka’s last blog post..I am Practically Katie Couric!

  112. I can’t leave a comment on my own blog after the first ten unless it’s a direct question that someone is asking me because I get all intimidated by all the other people in the comment section. On my own blog.

    I used to have a blog over at LJ, and when I got up to about 150 ‘friends’ (readers) I got so freaked out by all of the people and comments that I couldn’t post anymore.

  113. What if, WHAT IF, one day, I wake up and realize I’m not as cool as I think I am… what then? huh?

    CircusKelli’s last blog post..Peptalks

  114. I can’t go to sleep without closing and unclosing the doors of my closet AND my boyfriend’s closet in the hallway. You know, to check that they’re really closed. I also have to say “did you close your closet door?” before I do it. And even when he says yes, I DO IT ANYWAY. Otherwise something bad will happen.

    I also have to count to seven (sometimes seven times and then once for luck) if I happen to THINK about something bad happening. Also, when a flight is taking off, I have a word I have to repeat to myself over and over, and I was going to tell you the word, but then I THOUGHT about telling you the word, and I decided that if I told you the word, it wouldn’t protect me anymore when the plane is taking off. So I can’t tell you the word. But now I’m definitely going to start asking my cats to wish me luck before I leave the house in the morning. Can’t hurt, right? Seems like a pretty good insurance policy.

    Nothing But Bonfires’s last blog post..The Games People Play

  115. Girlfriend, if you can’t get your neuroses published, then that website needs to seriously rethink it’s purpose.

    Personally, I am very weird about how my towels are folded, I have a very specific folding process that must be followed or I break out into hives.

    Laughed out loud at the Johnny Depp pic, to the point that my 2-year-old wanted to know what I was laughing at. She didn’t get it.

    Jen’s last blog post..I Was Only Dreamin’

  116. My neuroses used to be endless but now I’ve cut them down to five core crazies. I did see that one other blogger won’t lock airplane bathrooms. I’ve just gotten to the point where I can. And boy, give me a feckin’ medal!

    The rug? My neutered male cat would hump the polar bear, then my Siamese would puke on it, and finally, the kitten would run circles around before jumping up and down on it like a Mexican jumping bean.

    andrea’s last blog post..Farewell to a Friend

  117. I’m only going to put one because I don’t admit to the others yet.

    I eat everything in even numbers, preferably 2, 4 or 8. Not 6, half of that is 3 and I hate 3.

    If I reach into a bag/jar of JellyBeans/M&Ms/Skittles (et al) and pull out 2 red, 3 green, and 7 purple … I’ll keep the red, throw a green 3 purples back so I can have 8. Nevermind that I had 12 and THAT was an even number, the point is that 2 + 2 + 4 = 8 and that’s is a perfect combo.

    Oh, and then I’ll eat them from lightest to darkest colors, 2 at a time.

    Of course, I can avoid all of this by separating them into individual colors in jars, which I have done (to the great amusement of my boyfriend, who will not admit that he does the same thing, which is why we eat Jolly Joes at the movies, not Original Mike & Ikes.

    OK< that was 4 or 5 rolled into one so you can see how one comment listing them all would just be hoggish of me. :

    SharonO’s last blog post..DO! WANT!!

  118. Oh, and it’s nice to see I’m not the only one in the world who can’t just walk right onto a “down” escalator without waiting a moment.

    CircusKelli’s last blog post..Peptalks

  119. 119
    I can't read my nametag

    I’ve heard it said that donuts are evil. But now it all makes sense. I mean, a “baker’s dozen”? You know how many that is, don’t you? I can just see the red and black-eyed devil stare of the local baker accompanied by his darkly alluring, sugar-and-cinnamon-coated sneer-infected smile as he hands a box of 12+1 to me across the display counter.

    Back to hell with you demon bakers! And take your wooden-dowel-placing, eye-gouging demon cats with you!

    Oh, and polar bears are cute. (Except for the ones who’ve sold out their species to shill Coke products at Christmas.)

  120. that rug is just so weird, i can’t get over anyone actually having it.

    and i agree about johnny, as hot as he is no man needs to wear a scarf like that. oy.

    katelin’s last blog post..I’m so easy amused.

  121. My neuroses is simple: I can’t eat if there is a midget in the room. I once met a hot little person and I was thinking of asking her out but I knew that dinner was not a possibility. I wasn’t about to say; “Hey little hot woman let’s go to a movie…but you should eat at home.”

    Outside of that I’m fine.

    will betheboy’s last blog post..Notes for a Thursday

  122. I’d be neurotic about all these comments too! We love you so.

    Mine: Mirrors. If I’m alone in the house, I have to cover them up. If I look in one accidentally, I have to turn every light in the house on – in case something scary comes out of the mirror after me. See? You’re fine, there are sick people out here in the world.

  123. My dog would eat the polar bear, too. And my dog is definitely not dangerous, unless you walk her and there is a squirrel or bunny out. Then she becomes a demon dog from the depths of hell who’s main reason for living is to rip your arm out of its socket.

    I do like bears though.

    Fit Bottomed Girls’s last blog post..Paula Abdul’s Get Up and Dance!

  124. I think your co-workers may have more neuroses than you do. They sound mean.

    Don’t worry girl, I have more neuroses than Megan can shake her big stick at.

    michellew’s last blog post..Showers of happiness…

    (This is me, Jenny, commenting inside a comment. Did you even know I could do that? Me either! Actually my coworkers are awesome and are my biggest defenders when they aren’t busy making fun of me. ~Jenny)

  125. I say goodbye to my cats when I leave in the morning. And then when I get home I ask them how their days were. Sometimes I ask them about the party they threw because YOU KNOW THEY DO.

    I was reading “wooden dowels” and I’m like what’s a dowel? Isn’t that something a woman and her family had to give away when you got married?

    And then I realized I am an idiot.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..I Think We’re Done Here

  126. Why is it that everything is that is deeply meaningful is also hard to vacuum?

    V-Grrrl’s last blog post..Taking a break…

  127. I hate it when people touch my eyebrows. In fact, even you even suggest touching my eyebrows, I need to smooth them with my finger. And if I smooth one, I have to smooth another.

    It’s so bad that when my daughter was born, the first thing I did after crying hysterically and wiping my eyes so that I could actually SEE her, was smooth her eyebrows. And then mine. Because touching someone else’s eyebrows also makes me want to smooth mine.

    And I’m not even crazy about making sure they are waxed or plucked or anything. Just smooth. I’m crazy.

    Oh, and about the polar bear? I think that the exist, but only in Wyoming, which if you’ve ever watched Garfield, you would know is actually a large body of water and nobody lives there.

  128. 128
    Cedarflame

    So, is that a bear skin rug?

  129. I can’t stop laughing at the Johnny Depp picture. I can’t even see it as a scarf now, its all muppet land to me.

    I have an escalator phobia, as if it is going to open up and eat me. I think it’s that green light at the bottom that scares me – not to mention it really looks as if it has teeth. I’m told I look like a freak when I actually get on one because I have a hard time getting on and off, and I hold on for dear life.

    I can’t open Pillsbury Pop n Fresh crescent rolls without holding it at arms length and turning my head squinting my eyes. With all that preparation, I still jump when it pops.

    Karyn’s last blog post..A Journey Through Time

  130. I have to put my socks on left foot first then right foot and my shoes right foot first then left foot. Otherwise it’s bad luck and it throws off my whole day. Normally this goes unnoticed by others by when i was released from the hospital several weeks ago my wife helped me get me shoes on and started putting my sock on the right foot. After I corrected her she stood in stunned silence and was all like “you’re fucking kidding me right?!”

    Kile’s last blog post..My two cents

  131. This is more of a phobia – I am deathly afraid of wasps, bees, hornets, etc. So why, I ask myself, did I recently watch a National Geographic special about giant killer hornets?!! Look at how big they are!!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asian_giant_hornet.
    I can’t get them out of my mind and just thinking about them scares the shit out of me. I know they live in Japan so just to be on the safe side, I’ve scratched Japan off of my list of must visit countries.

    Like a previous blogger’s comment, I also count the numbers in the day. 8+7, etc. to figure out what kind of day I can expect to have. I was born on a Sunday and it was a 3 day, so whenever it is a Sunday and also a 3 day, I consider that day to be the most lucky day ever (just happened last Sunday 8/3/08 = 8+3=11, 1+1+2+0+0+8=12, 1+2=3). As the day approaches I make promises to myself to give up all of my bad habits on that day and I know that I know that I know, that I will easily be able to do it because it is a Sunday and a 3 day. It hasn’t worked in the 10+ years I’ve been doing it, but that doesn’t seem to stop me from expecting the same result. Isn’t that the definition of insane? Oh no!! I’ve gone from mildly neurotic to insane in the time it has taken me to write this post.

  132. Some people have an aversion to answering Unavailabe Calls. I love them. I want the caller to say What are you doing? Step out of your apartment and into the alley. Bring your wallet. And a picture ID. And some rope. I’m going to do some kinky stuff to you. Take off the blindfold!!! I didn’t say bring a blindfold!

    PAPA’s last blog post..Celebrity sighting at Target

  133. Oh thank [insert chosen deity’s name here] I’m not the only one!!

    Yes, I divide my M&Ms and Skittles too. Same with Starburst.

    If I drink a 20 oz. bottle of pop/soda, I always leave about an inch or so in it. I won’t drink it all.

    I can not stand for anyone to touch my feet underwater. I learned a long time ago not to tell boyfriends that because they seem to think its funny to do it to me anyway if we’re having one of those romantic bubble bath things. “Buddy, if you wanna get laid after this, do NOT touch my fit again” kinda kills the mood.

    I “count” car spaces between certain markers when I’m driving. Remember in Drivers Ed how they teach you the 2 second rule? Well I have to visualize how many times my car would fit between, say, two telephone poles. Oh and I keep count by clenching my teeth.

    I don’t like to buy the first magazine in the rack. I have to grab one from the middle. I will be standing in a checkout line and I will tell one of my kids “Go grab me a Cosmo” (the magazine, not the drink…I don’t make my kids fetch me alcohol in public) and as they walk away I will remind them to make sure its one from the middle.

    April’s last blog post..Blogging for Blood Cancer

  134. Maybe I need to get me a couple of cats, because my kids? My kids don’t give a rip when I’m leaving. Hell, they are usually stalking me (Like cats. Wait a minute….), asking me when I’m leaving, or “Why are you still here?” To which I have no answer, because really, why am I still there if they’re not interested in me and the bliss I provide them? They don’t have a jobs to buy Pop Tarts.

    Short of cats, I wonder if Johnny Depp would come hang out with me. He looks like a cat person, when you really look at him. Do you think Johnny Depp digs cats?

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..attention shoppers!

  135. Ok, damnit, I want to edit my comment. It should say “don’t touch my FEET again”, no “fit”.

    And now I will obsess over my typo all afternoon. Another neurotic moment brought to you by That Crazy Mom.

    April’s last blog post..Blogging for Blood Cancer

  136. Does it count that the Michelin Man scares the hell out of me? No, really. Brought me to tears. (There are photos.)

    My list could go on but good lord, woman, you bring out the crazy in people!

    I have no cats. Will asking my dog to wish me luck help?

    That rug? Totally want it so I can torment my dog and make him run in circles around the polar bear. Let’s see how safe that polar bear feels then!

    Jenn’s last blog post..Scary than Friday the 13th. More real than Survivor. It’s Bib!

  137. I read your post and these comments and I get increasingly uncomfortable, because most everything here is totally normal to me. Everything I do is pretty much complete and total neuroses, but I can’t even list on here what those things are. Things like how I can’t eat eggs alone, it must always be with bacon and toast, all piled together like an open faced sandwich. And if any one of those three items runs out on my plate, the rest get left uneaten. Things like that are totally normal to me. And even weirder things, but like I said, I can’t even think of them. They are my world, yo.

    To Think Is To Create’s last blog post..Weekly Twitterings: My Favorite Tweets

  138. 138
    Jessica (the M&M segregationist)

    LOL, I thought of more weird stuff I do.
    1- Everyday when I leave I tell my dog “Be good, we’ll be home before you know it.” He’s in a kennel. How bad can he be?

    2- I count stairs, but I count in 8’s. Like a cheerleader (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8. 2,2,3,4,5,6,7,8.)

    3- I have to read every page of a magazine, even in a doctor’s office. Even if it is just an ad.

    4- I refuse to drink from cans, although I have no problem with bottles.

  139. After ironing I got back upstairs repeated times to make sure I unplugged the iron. Then I go back upstairs more repeated times to make sure the hot, unplugged iron (some might call this an iron in the midst of cooling, but those people are probably jaywalking and skydiving too – crazies) is not in a location where a magical force can knock it over and set the whole place ablaze.

    This is why I don’t iron – who needs that much exercise?

    On a positive note, don’t you love the word ablaze? That is a word, isn’t it?

    Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..And the award goes to…

  140. I totally don’t get the polar bear rug either. All it makes me think of is how my three dogs would filthify it(hey, if you can use wreckless, then I can use filthify)in less than ten seconds. And it would be headless in under five.

    I’m neurotic about the baby monitor level. I have to get it at EXACTLY right–not so high that the merest sigh wakes me, but not so low that I won’t know if my daughter falls out of her crib in the middle of the night.

    Or impales herself on a dowel.

    houndrat’s last blog post..Next Great Purge Contest—Win random stuff from my closet!

  141. I can not say the word chalk out loud. It hurts my skin. I also can not touch it so if my kids accidently touch it to me I may punch them in the neck. Wack. I know.

    I also must use even numbers or multiples of 5 when setting digital things. For example, my house is most comfortable on 77 but I can not do that so I do 76 (too cold) or 78 too hot.

    Running water makes me want to spit. When I wash my hands in a public restroom, I usually involuntarily spit into the sink.

    There are more but I have to hurry so I will be post 136 and not 137. If I am, I may need you to change it for me. Thank you. daphne

    daphne’s last blog post..40 days of prayer and perspective

  142. I have to stop the microwave at either 9 or 3. No other number and it CANNOT beep. That’s just wrong.

    I talk to other cars while driving. NO, not other drivers. Other cars. Like, “Stay in your lane little red Toyota”. But I also talk to my car too so it is ok, it won’t crash and kill me in some horrible accident.

    I do the skittles thing too and the escalator thing.

    Oh and my cats have to greet me when i get home. If they do not get their fat butts up and greet me at the door I get all offended. Husband thinks I am nuts!

  143. Wow, I thought that I was pretty mainstream and normal but now I realize that I’m actually a crazy person who is an amazing actress.

    Escalators are horrible. When I was little a friend told me that she fell on an escalator and it ripped off her chin and neck and she stood up and people were screaming and throwing up and she was like, what? because she could not feel it. Since then I learned that the reason escalators have grooves is because that used to happen and the groves keep people from being sucked in. But I still think, maybe they do not work and so I hold my DD’s hand (she’s 3 yrs old) in a vice grip and she can’t figure out what’s mommy’s problem, she wants to run down fast and I think, oh, fuck, it’s just like Nikki.

    Squirrels are evil. They have a conspiracy and are watching and talking about us. Then they throw nuts at us and laugh to themselves. We are thinking of moving and I have been researching if they have squirrels there. Did you know they are actually in the Order Rodentia? yeah.

    Don’t even get me started on killer bees, garbage disposals, or saying I love you when people leave in case they die on their way to work.

    The funny thing is if you met me IRL you would think, oh, she’s a normal lawyer business owner mom person.

    ~ Elizabeth

  144. I always step over cracks, and my husband has to step on them. Makes it interesting when we go for a walk holding hands. Probably looks like people trying to do a three legged race.

    Frugal Babe’s last blog post..Thrifty Green Thursday

  145. That polar bear rug is stoopid..I don’t get it…

    The Johnny Depp thing is like the old woman picture..everyone sees things different.

    What do I do:
    I don’t know…I figure everyone in the world reads the comments I leave on blogs so I don’t want to get too personal, yet I’ll cuss and act all rauchy on twitter..it’s the same fucking people….

    mp’s last blog post..Girl Crush Time

  146. Elizabeth Potts Weinstein just reminded me of anouther one….

    Garbage disposals…I live alone, but if I ever have to stick my hand down the sink drain into the disposal area I check, double check and triple check that there’s no one around that might turn it on. And then it’s a quick insert to get whatever I have to get out. I’m deathly afraid that somehow it will get turned on!

    I know, totally weird!

    Greis (Grace)’s last blog post..Happy Wordless Wednesday…

  147. This may not be a neurosis per se. More like a flaw in my character. I can only read your blog in moderation. After the first few posts I stop laughing, even though I know it’s funny. So I stop reading, out of . . . ummm . . . respect?

    One should never take a full-on, head hurts, can’t breathe properly laugh for granted.

    Red Flashlight’s last blog post..The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword

  148. 148
    Just A. Reader

    I have to come back to your blog several times a day to see the comments, because you always get the most interesting comments. (And it’s really cutting into my productivity at work.) After reading today’s comments, there is only one logical conclusion I can reach: Your readers are wear-bicycle-helmets-24-hours-a-day, crap-in-their-pants-and-enjoy it, absolutely fucking insane.

    In other words, they’re my kind of people! Let’s all get together soon for wine and hors d’oeuvres.

  149. Wooden popsicle sticks flip me out. Eat the popsicle and get rid of it. If you bite the popsicle stick I’m going to shudder and scream NO. I can’t stand it.

    Also bridges because of plunging over them into the water and dying trapped in my car. I assume I’ll also scream NO in this instance but don’t want to test it.

    Kiki’s last blog post..I Am Woman Watch Me Spin

  150. If I walk out of a store and see an armored truck there at the curb, I immediately go back in the store or duck & weave as I scurry to my car. I’m no dummy – I watch TV. I know darn well that lady sitting in the Honda Odyssey on her cell phone is telling her partners (after they’ve been tracking the armored car route for weeks) “It’s go time. Repeat, GO TIME!” No getting killed in the crossfire for me!

  151. I never let anyone pass salt shakers to me. I have to say goodbye to all our animals before I leave the house and up until recently that UNLUCKY number was avoided. I also never see any movies starring Tom Cruise or Kevin Costner. (That last one might be more of a preference)

    jenboglass’s last blog post..Milkshakes And The Shame They Bring

  152. I am jealous. I need some new neuroses. Y’all have great ones.

    califmom’s last blog post..Too Tired To Be Creative? Try The Lazy Bloggers Post

  153. Good GRIEF you crack me up, woman!

    I am *also* scared of my comment section. WHY?

    Angella’s last blog post..Squeezing Every Moment

  154. Ah, August 7th… now officially and forever known as “Freak Parade Day.”

    (And yeah, I’m one of y’all. I have to tap any metal object I might have to touch (doorknob, switchplate) with my car key first to discharge static electricity. Yeah, in the summer, too – always. Yes, it has to be my car key, the one with the little black rubber cap.)

    Velma’s last blog post..I Need A Dreamless Night

  155. My neurotic man has met his match. Oh my.

    Are cat owners neurotic? Is that part of it?

    jx3’s last blog post..To me, you are perfect.

  156. I refuse to eat yellow and orange starbursts. My boyfriend encourages my Crazy by buying gigantic bags and picking out all the red and pink ones for me and putting them in their own bag.

    I also always say goodbye to my corgi puppy. “goodbye puppers, be good. see you in a bit” and I have to pet her right before I leave. If another dog gets in my way before I leave I have to go back to the corgi to say goodbye.

  157. This post is HYSTERICAL. Please never doubt yourself because you are amazing. I’m totally watching my cats out of the corner of my eye now, because there is a HELLUVA lot of stuff all over the floor ready to impale me, and one of the cats doesn’t even like me all that much, sometimes.

    Kimmers’s last blog post..Overheard in the courtyard, by an Angry Chick shouting into her cell

  158. Mine aren’t too strange even though the hubby thinks I’m weird.

    I have say goodbye to the dog and cat if they are in the house. I also wave to them as I drive off. They might think I’m rude if I don’t and I don’t want to hurt their feelings.

    Spiders are evil! They lurk, waiting to jump out at me. I have, like other readers, announced to nature that they will die if they enter the house but will do my best to leave them alone outside of it. Most everything else I will try to catch and release.

    I definitely prefer things to be even, I have to do sock, sock, shoe, shoe, going right to left. I can’t stand sock, shoe, sock, shoe because I feel off balance then.

    Someone mentioned “suposebly.” That hurts me just to type it. “Simular” instead of similar affects me the same way. Both drive me up a wall!

  159. And about murderous cats, my husband keeps telling me that the cat wants to kill and eat me because she will sit and lick my hand. He says she’s tasting me to see if I’m ready yet. If she’s laying in my lap she gets that half closed eyes thing going and looks evil. It makes me think he’s right.

  160. That Johnny Depp thought has be peeing in my pants.

    I can’t even stand how funny that is. I’m crying here.

    The Laundress’s last blog post..Summer Lovin’

  161. I talk to my 44 oz. Diet Coke that I have with me at almost all times.

    Sad. Really, really sad.

    Loralee’s last blog post..Because I love writing little letters to people and inanimate objects. (Or, I just can’t think of anything uber exciting to write today. Meh.)

  162. I am scared that I actually thought the scarf was his arms too….

    Felicity’s last blog post..Tail wagging…

  163. How is it that you are not on TV? I would watch endless episodes of your reality show. I likely never leave the house and would probably consume far too much popcorn, but I think I would never stop laughing and since laughter is the best medicine… hey! I think I know how to solve our national health care crisis! The Bloggess on TNT! Yeah!

  164. My computer isn’t working so I’m sitting in the public library chortling at your insantiy and people are loooooooooking!

    Just last night (while drinking what I thought was a conservative 3 glasses of cranberry juice and vodka but it turns out that the bartender was mixing a gallon of vodka with a shot of cranberry juice *each time*) my husband’s best friend and I were comparing neuroses. It was a very, very sad hilarious conversation. Thank god I was blitzed and can’t remember any of it : )

    country mouse’s last blog post..mostly okay with a side of worried

  165. I don’t have any cats… but I do have a dog named Mojo. He was the first thing I ever called into my life with intention after I watched “The Secret.” He was like a “ok, let’s see if this law of attraction thing actually works” kindof experiment. And it did… and now he is mine… and a constant reminder of the good mojo in my life. So, at first I was like oh shit, I don’t have any cats and I am fucked… and then I remembered Mojo – and went – oh cool! I am set. Course a cat wouldn’t sneak up and eat my 4 year old’s grilled cheese off he’s plate – so, maybe a cat who gives me good luck when I leave the house would be better?

    Jj Lassberg’s last blog post..My Favorite Thing About Houston Today

  166. Cats are definitely more dangerous. Ever have one poop in your shoes? Not. Good.

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..My Son, The Monkey Boy

  167. My husband stuck his hand in the pool filter and was bitten by a spider. I ran screaming into the house convinced it was a brown recluse and immediately googled it while he stood by smirking and asking why I was wasting time when I should be dialing 911.

    Lorrie’s last blog post..Blogher 08

  168. * I can’t buy interesting cereals like Captain Crunch bc I will be required to eat the pieces in even numbers so each side of my mouth gets the same amount.
    * I take eggs from the carton starting from the outside and taking one from each end. (That actually stemmed from almost dropping a carton as a kid. All the eggs were piled on one side and it was off-balance.)
    *I CAN NOT clean a dish that has had peanut butter on it. I will let it sit in the sink with water until my husband cleans it (which is close to never).
    *I totally agree about the light under the stairs of the escalator.
    *All of my clocks in my house are twenty minutes fast and somehow I’m always twenty minutes late.

  169. dude, my eyes are spinning by the time i got to the end of the comments section. i need my own rug.

    jen’s last blog post..we are all mythical hobbits

  170. See, this is why I refuse to think in the morning.

    blogversary’s last blog post..a good habit to break, for me

  171. I talk to myself in the car ALL THE TIME. And I always hold my phone up and watch it while driving (and talking) because I’m afraid that I’ll accidentally call someone in the middle of my monologue and embarrass myself.

    I also equate vomiting with truly horrific things. Like the plague. Or Ralph Nader.

    Overflowing Brain’s last blog post..Allergist, part 2: the whining edition

  172. I’d like to buy a one-way ticket to BloggessWorld. It’s a cerebral theme park where the amusements make you wet your pants, laugh out loud and cry at the same time, and the only souvenirs are cats, polar bears and mythical c r e a t u r e s. Remember the old arrow headband that looks like it’s been shot through your head from ear to ear? At BW, the headband is a dowel that sticks our your eye and the back of your head.

    Make that a round trip ticket, please.

    Robin (PENSIEVE)’s last blog post..He may be missin’ a leg, but he still scares the snot outta me!Friday’s 40 PC

  173. I think this is the funniest post I have EVER read, ever in my life. And I read a lot of funny shit. And hell, I WRITE a lot of funny shit but this time, you have outdone yourself lady. Friggin COOMEDY!

    LilSass’s last blog post..Tempting Me With His Meat

  174. My cats would really like one of those rugs.

    amanda’s last blog post..What The?

  175. My dogs would cower in the corner for an hour, thinking the polar bear was a real animal, and then after the dumbest one got up the guts to go check things out, they’d spend the next hour sniffing its ass. Come to think of it, they’d probably react the same way to Johnny Depp’s ridiculously skinny arms.

    Missives From Suburbia’s last blog post..A Lesson in Ammunition

  176. my whole life is one big fat neurosis. Everythign I do is because…well frankly. I’m fucking crazy most days.
    Thank you for letting me feel at home here. I propose you start a non-profit.

  177. 13

    katie’s last blog post..wordless wednesday

  178. ok sorry. 13

    katie’s last blog post..wordless wednesday

  179. my neurosis is horror-oids…today….tomorrow it MAY be something different…thats the beauty of neurosis…”It’s my perogative…right”?

    Georgie’s last blog post..Lets talk about Hemmoroids-PSA

  180. if i start singing a song in my head i have to finish it no matter what it is its so anoying!!!

  181. My co-workers were trying to organise a Croc wearing day to see my head explode.

    I was going to blog about it and then here I am saying it in your comments, so it would totally look like I am copying you. But no one reads this blog anyway, so I should be safe.

    And now I am wondering if Boo is the cause of Global Warming. Cause he would totally eat that rug for a snack. And then there is the whole toxic farts thing..

    Kelley’s last blog post..Don’t breathe on me.

  182. I’m all anti-global warming and shit, but that rug is bizarre.

    And your coworkers sound hellofa like my coworkers.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Perfect Post and a Thank You

  183. 183
    *star.mama*

    My neuroses:

    All bed linens MUST be placed correctly on bed with tags in the bottom right corner of the bed. If someone ever removed the tags I couldn’t use it.

    Toilet paper must lay over the roll not under. I’ve changed the lay of the roll in other people’s homes.

    Every time I leave I tell the dog to be a good girl while we’re gone. She’s an old, fat, lazy beagle. She’s usually still in the same place on the couch when we come back as she was when we left.

    And… I can’t nurse my son in public. I can’t stand the thought that some mean person would come over to me and publicly ridicule how I choose to mother my child. I can’t bring myself to expose my baby to people who are that thoughtless and mean. So, I don’t go out of the house unless I know we’ll be home in time for the next nursing. But my husband still doesn’t know about this one.

  184. Goodness – La Bloggess, It’s real dedication to the cause to just ride the elevator until someone else presses The Number That Shall Not Be Named.

    Yo Playa – I Be Neurotic Too

    Deidre’s last blog post..Yo, Playa – I Be Neurotic Too

  185. Your cat thing is strange, very strange- they don’t care so your wasting effort there. I am a totally over the top cat lover but – NO
    I talk to myself a lot and out loud in public. I realize it afterwards so now when I see other peoople do it – I get it. It’s and age thing I guess

    candeelady’s last blog post..Kids and Tweens Love Robots

  186. I stopped at comment #32 (Becky) just because the thought of a shellacked spider standing there all stiff going, “Help… Meeeeee…” cracked my shit up.

    I may add some of my neuroses by the time I read the rest of your comments, but I may also get blog-comment performance anxiety and not.

    Melanie’s last blog post..Didn’t Expect To Have This Perspective Again:

  187. I am always paranoid commenting on Power Blogs because I fear that my words will just be viewed as my lame attempt at being a Comment Whore.

    cagey’s last blog post..Why the hell would someone go jogging in a black hoodie in the middle of August in Kansas?

  188. I’m a newer reader, and a first time commenter to your blog….Damn, you are funny!!

    It was the neuroses bit that prompted me to join the fray…

    I don’t ask my dog to wish me luck, but I DO tell him to have a good day when I leave the house.

    I have an overwhelming fear of being pushed or pulled down a flight of steps. For that reason, I MUST let anyone I’m with go up or down the steps ahead of me – including my husband on our own steps at home!! This becomes awkward when I’m with men who insist on being all gentleman-ly and letting me go first…

  189. I love it. I wrote my own-I’m a copycat.

    Lauren’s last blog post..I love crazy people

  190. I have too many neuroses to pick even 5 of my favorites. It’d be worse than Sophie’s Choice. That’s right, I said WORSE.

    Anyway, this blog’s point is to entertain me, so now that you’ve found Your Special Purpose, be sure to continue, even if everyone else goes away.

    13

    Sorry, that was punishment for not correcting the misspelling of recklessness.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Upsize yourself! Nobody likes a quitter

  191. Oh, I forgot my biggest neuroses….running out of beer. That shit keeps me up at night.

    shonda little’s last blog post..Paris Does Politics

  192. WOW… I suddenly feel like MY neuroses are so… wimpy! You people are FREAKS and I have BIG MUSHY HEARTS ‘O LOVE for all of you. MAH PEEPS, led by Jenny, the Bloggess and Goddess of all thing hilarious.

    YOU. ROCK. the end

  193. Forget tripping on cats – even with that huge expanse of rug allowing for adequate circumnavigation, my baby toe is going to get caught under that tiny polar bear’s legs and send my eyes dowel-bound.

    What happens if on your bad day you think you thought the unlucky number, but in thinking you’re thinking it a second time you actually are thinking it the first time and thus make your day go downhill from there?

    cyniclite’s last blog post..Lesbians were not covered in the hygiene manual…

  194. Hey, I found you through Mom Bloggers Club.

    I would write my biggest neuroses, but then I think that would make it more real, like it could happen and I can’t have that. I just can’t.
    So… I’m not going to write it. I’ll just stew in it a little longer I guess.

    (Did I just create another neuroses for myself?)

    Ann’s last blog post..Follow-Up to “Blogger Participation”

  195. I have long talks with my cat in the morning and at night.

    Another commenter said she has to check the toilet so a snake doesn’t bite her on the ass. I absolutely do this too. I think it’s because a friend of mine lifted the lid on her toilet one morning and found an opposum in it. For real.

    I cannot touch raw meat.

    Also, I sometimes find myself humming the most annoying combination of sounds that anyone in the world could ever come up. I annoy the hell out of myself and can’t make myself stop humming the sounds. In fact, the more I annoy myself the louder I hum them. It can sometimes go on for 45 minutes to an hour. Am weird.

    Sauntering Soul’s last blog post..Things I don’t understand

  196. I love how weird people are, it makes me feel like I’m not so alone!

    I eat weird! First I have one bite of whatever meat there is just to see what it tastes like then I eat all of my vegetables, then all of my meat and then all of the potatoes or rice or salad… Unless I’m at McDonalds first I eat my fries and then my sandwich. Also once I stop eating something and move on to the next category I can not return. Example, if I am eating my fries and think hmm I’m done with fries and then eat my burger but realize I’m still hungry I can’t go back and finish said fries ! Instead I chose to starve. It is what it is!

    Loving Danger’s last blog post..Finding My Religion

  197. That Johnny Depp thing made me choke on my pizza!

    Radish’s last blog post..Ghetto Week

  198. Of course i’ve been thinking about your post.. here is something I do.
    I will NOT be a pain to fast food workers. If I am going to get food for 5 people I will pay for it myself before I have them ring 5 separate orders, cause I don’t want to appear to be a bother…yeah…I know…

    mp’s last blog post..Girl Crush Time

  199. Apart from constant knocking on wood?
    (And keeping my husband amused, because if there is no wood available, paper counts).

    Well, I just wrote that if I do a certain thing, I am sure a certain other and very bad thing will inevitably happen. But then I worried that even writing about it would cause it to happen. So I didn’t submit it. Now I am sitting here petrified that thinking about writing it could cause a chain reaction. So, yeah.

    Sophie, Inzaburbs’s last blog post..No Apples for This Teacher…

  200. You are as cool as as a cucumber [that’s a compliment]
    Cheers

  201. Has no one else envisioned the gigantor freak cat menacing the poor tiny little polar bear? It would be like a Godzilla movie. Awesomeness.

    The Unlucky Number of which you speak is actually the lucky number of not only myself, but my son. This must be why you don’t write to me often, because that Number is in my email address. Yes, this is the reason. I have convinced myself.

    I love Johnny Depp and I will take his muppetness at any time. Gimme.

    I do not look in mirrors when it is dark, I am totally afraid of monsters, there is a certain word I have never said in my life and never will (and everyone who was with me yesterday was tormenting me by saying this word over and overandover). I have to have the bathroom door not only closed but locked even when I am the only one home. Then whenever I open the door I am afraid that a monster or serial killer is going to whoosh around the door at me. (this is only after dark, though…apparently serial killers keep monster hours)

    I often make sound effects while I am driving, even when my kids’ friends are in the car.

    There is more, I am sure, but I am having a hard time separating the crazy from the normal.

    markira’s last blog post..My Leper Boy

  202. So I just came here from Antique Mommy, because I was almost going to have to do my work if I didn’t find another blog to read. I read the three most recent posts. And then I had to stop. Because I nearly wet myself. I was having trouble keeping my laughter silent so my girls didn’t ask what was so funny, because I hate explaining to preschoolers that mommy is laughing at a computer. Again.

    My cat tries to kill me by dragging a blanket around the house, and leaving it on the stairs. Seriously. Not like a tiny, baby/cat size blanket. Like a throw for the couch. She drags it around and then meows hysterically. I feel like this is worthy of it’s own post. I might go back to my own blog now, because I still wouldn’t have to work.

    So. Um. Thanks.

    Sarah at themommylogues’s last blog post..WooHOO

  203. Ok, thank you for the inspiration, and be assured, I gave credit where credit was due.
    http://themommylogues.blogspot.com/2008/08/one-where-cat-tries-to-kill-us.html

    Sarah at themommylogues’s last blog post..The one where the cat tries to kill us

  204. Damn cats, just what I need is one of those little bugger throwing up a Polar Bear hairball on my rug…

    Neuroses – I have tons, but I’ve convinced myself that most of them are normal.

    Whenever anyone says the phrase “One never knows” I must repeat it again in French.

    I also separate my Smarties (m&ms, sweettarts) by color, but they must be even numbered so any odd ones get eaten first, then I have to eat them by twos, with one candy on each side of my mouth, so that I’m not uneven.

    Sunshine/Melody’s last blog post..Oh, The Google searches I’m going to get…

  205. News for you – I doubt that anyone who doesn’t recite their life in a blog can compete with a blogger in neuroses counting.

  206. You crack me up.

    The Diva’s Thoughts’s last blog post..Ignorantnomics

  207. Dude, I’m not a doctor, but YOU TOTALLY HAVE OCD.

    I feel safe in this diagnosis because I TOTALLY HAVE OCD. Not the fake, cutesy, “OMG, I was soooo OCD today” OCD. The real good number/bad number OCD.

    We are so members of the same tribe. And that thought just made me so happy I peed a little.

    mommypie’s last blog post..She got Island Feva.

  208. Oh god, my cat is deaf. So, if she trips me and I fall on a wooden dowel and start screaming, she won’t even hear me.

    All my neurosis involved bedtime: can’t leave a toe out of the covers; what was that noise; what would I do if I woke up to see a man with a black hood standing over me; how would I rescue the kids in a fire. .. it goes on and on.

    Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..Hoping History Doesn’t Repeat

  209. I think the fact that you get intimidated by people who comment on YOUR OWN blog is pretty hilarious.

    Hmmmm.. my neurosis? I can only think of three, but I know I have tons more.

    1. After I’ve eaten my food I can get seconds of the same food, but I get grossed out if I put another food (like a dessert) on the same plate.

    2. Almost every single time that I send an e-mail to someone I have to go back to my sent file to read it again.

    3. When I’m in the restroom by myself and I hear someone else come into the stall next to me I get scared because I remember the crazy guy in that movie Blow Out and I’m afraid someone is going to reach over and pull a wire from his watch and strangle me. Yeah, I’m crazy.

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Wasp 1, Me 0 (zero)

  210. my husband, who has no sense of humor, wants you to know that by pretending to be ignorant and not believing in polar bears,
    “it doesn’t help anyone and it certainly doesn’t help the polar bears.”

    Duly noted, yes?

    gwendomama’s last blog post..When Children Die: What to Do. Or Say. Or Not.

  211. I so want to be a part of your neurotic tribe! I have my own neuroses. Maybe I will post about them and link your post, since it was the inspiration for revealing my craziness.

    Bloggess, I think you are wonderful.

    T.

    T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..Confessions of a Non-Cook

  212. If I don’t chomp my teeth together three times, the traffic lights will stay on red forever. You had to go and ask, didn’t ya?

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Farty’s Friday Chart

  213. Oh my gosh, you’re hilarious. And 213 comments already? Dude, I just got here, found you because of your comment over on my blog and I am already intimidated. Seriously.

    Your unlucky number is my lucky number, especially if it’s on a Friday. I have good luck with odd numbers.

    And now I have to go and add you to my blog feeds because you have made me laugh.Thanks. I already have too much stuff to read on there already. Darn!

    Cat’s last blog post..Far World Book 1: Water Keep

  214. And, ok, I so totally need that CommentLuv plugin. Now I have to go look for it and I am on the wrong computer. Argh!

    Plus I thought I would be nice and make it 214 comments for you. 🙂

    Cat’s last blog post..Far World Book 1: Water Keep

  215. Welcome to OCD my friend.

    Or, well, maybe not. Dr. Phil says that everyone has SOME OCDish tendencies.

    I believe everything Dr. Phil says.

    Go me.

    And go you too!

  216. I forgot that for the longest time after watching “Nightmare on Elm Street”, I absolutely could not sleep in the center of the bed. Like that would really stop Freddy Kruger from grabbing me, dragging me into the bed, and killing me.. sleeping a few inches from the side.

  217. […] although I suspect she a big too icey. If you have a mo nip over and check your neurosis “here.” “Angela” because I am rotten pal and more neglectful than I ever thought possible, and […]

  218. well, crap. I wanted to ping/trackback/whatever, but blogger sucks and won’t let me. So I will just comment again, and you will see my new post, which means I wanna be in your tribe. Yeah, like with 200+ people there will be room. We could get a really big commune, though…

    T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..What the Hell’s Wrong With Me?

  219. PS. I think that rug would really tie your room together.

    Jessica’s last blog post..Shego loves it when we order prints

  220. I didn’t have time to read all 220 (!) comments because I’ve been out of town and have been trying to catch up on blogs. I do see though that everyone seems to really want to share why they’re crazy. So I’ll join in.

    I have to have all the doors closed or open. I mean doors are supposed to be one way, like some are supposed to be closed (all doors that open INTO the hallway) and some are supposed to be open (my closet – at all times). I expect that everyone will adhere to these rules that are apparent only to me. And my sister insists upon the same thing, except that closets must always be closed.

    While at parties, I constantly think that I sound like an ass, so I try really hard not to talk to people. Or I drink a lot. Then, because I never drink THAT much, I wake up the next day thinking that I sounded like an ass. And swear off drinking. Until the next party.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Why I Suck at Traveling

  221. I forgot one. I hate to wash the silverware. One day I’ll have a dishwasher. I live in a house built in the 1940s that never had one installed.

    Also, do you actually read all of these comments when you get the 200s?? Talk about being intimidated. I think that just having to read all of them is intimidating.

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Wasp 1, Me 0 (zero)

  222. I’d like to throw your web address up in my blogroll. Hope you don’t mind. And by “throw up”, I don’t mean upchuck.

    C.J.’s last blog post..PETA are a bunch of perverse, sadistic terrorists.

  223. Shoegirl, I read *all* the comments. It’s an addiction.

    And C.J. you never have to ask my permission to throw me up. Ew. That does sound bad.

  224. I have laughed so hard I’ve cried on no less than 17 different occasions. I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only crazy person out here!

    Let’s see, I always tell my dogs to ‘be good’ when I leave the house, I always have to say ‘I love you’ AND ‘drive safe!’ to my husband when he leaves the house. Because he might not be safe if I don’t say it.

    I count, but in 5’s…5 is some sort of power number, so for instance, 25 is the best number, as its five fives.

    I knock on wood or on my head whenever I say or think something that I do, or DON’T, want to happen.

    Oh lord, the list just goes on and on.

    xo!

    b.

    just beth’s last blog post..Puppies and strawberries

  225. Oh, and also your colleagues are insensitive pricks and really should know better. History is full of people whom everyone thought were insane and weird and instead turned out to be messiahs and psychics and shit.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Here’s some cool stuff for you. Wanna buy me something pretty?

  226. 227
    bluebutterfly

    OK…I want to make this very clear…I Do Not have a neurosis or OCD or a phobia.
    I have an Allergy. An allergy to wet wood. I have a physical reaction to the sound wet wood makes when you touch it. My skin crawls and the hair stands up all over my body. Wet wooden spoons are the worse.

  227. Some of you may want to look at these fetishes, illustrated in cartoon form: http://www.cracked.com/article_16550_illustrated-look-at-worlds-25-strangest-fetishes.html

    Jessica’s last blog post..Shego loves it when we order prints

  228. What the heck is a dowel? And should I feel bad that reading this post is somehow making me feel better? I think the answer to this must be no because then I wouldn’t feel better I would feel badder and then that would suck.

    But seriously? My husband thinks I’m insane because of my neuroses, like other people don’t find odd numbers scary. I freak out sometimes because I have 5 kids, then I console myself with the fact that #5 was a twin and #6 didn’t get past 8 weeks of pg. Good grief? Did I really just say that? You totally have your own neurosis page. I don’t think mine would get through either.

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Total tongue malfunctions

  229. I refuse to eat foods if I don’t agree with their texture. Examples of this include the skins of many varieties of fruit, raisins, oatmeal/rice pudding/goopy things like that, etc. It took me twenty years to overcome my hatred of pasta — I simply would NOT eat ie because it made me think of worms. (YES. PASTA. Imagine having a kid who refused to eat Kraft Dinner or Spaghetti or lasagna! My poor mother!)

    I also have a blanket-dislike of all white sauces and spreads, EXCEPT tzatziki. I avoid sour cream, cream cheese, alfredo sauce, cottage cheese, etc. I DO like Vanilla yogurt with fruit or berries, though.

    I always count how many steps there are on any flight of stairs I’m climbing. Its quite hard to carry on conversations with people when you’re going ‘One..two..three… FOURFIVE” in your head.

    Emily’s last blog post..This week.

  230. Apparently I think this is the perfect opportunity to leave my first comment.

    Not only do I have to knock on wood, but if I think I’ve jinxed something and there’s no real wood around, I say “knock on [insert nearby object]” This usually happens to be the steering wheel or some part of the car.

    When I was younger and my mom would put me to bed I demanded this exact dialogue:
    Jess: “See you in the morning.”
    Mom: “I’ll be here.”
    J: “Promise??”
    M: “I promise.”
    Because apparently I thought she would disappear into the night. Don’t even get me started on my family’s goodbye process.

    If that’s not bad enough, even my dog is neurotic. Before eating she pats the food down flat in her bowl with her nose and when we’re on a walk she flat out refuses to walk over any sort of sewer grate or those metal doors for deliveries at restaurants that are in the sidewalk, etc (what are those called anyway?)

    And that escalator thing, I totally have those issues. Have to eat chocolate chips in twos, bottoms touching. Have to have on hand touching the wall when I’m falling asleep. The list goes on.

  231. OMG. I feel so much more normal. I don’t have a dishwasher either — and I REFUSE to wash the silverware. I keep a secret stash of plastic utensils for myself, and when my family is all like, “Why don’t we have any clean forks?” I’m like, “Guess you better wash some silverware!”

    And my worst? Let’s say I drink with some friends. We hang out, have a blast, and everyone goes home happy. When I wake up the next morning, I have to talk to EVERYONE I was with the night before, and it must be before noon, just to make sure I didn’t make too big of an ass of myself. Which, unfortunately, I usually seem to do. Which makes me wonder if it is really true, is it really a neurosis? Am I neurotic incorrectly? Great… just what I needed.

  232. that neurosis site made me feel neurotic but in an i-can’t-describe-it way. which blows. and i’m pretty sure is their whole intent.

    i may possibly be crying right now. who can tell? oregon is a damn rainy place.

    deb’s last blog post..camptown races, sing something dope.

  233. oh so funny on Johnny Depp. I will think that every time I see a guy in a scarf. Well, when winter comes.

    Pamela’s last blog post..Fun Monday, Favorite, Favorite, and Favorite

  234. that was hysterical

    1. cats could be dangerous if you are asthmatic
    2. my dog could take that polar bear anyday
    3. moderating posts about nueroses is simply… well nuerotic!

    love your ramblings

  235. I’m the biggest slob ever but I vacuum compulsively.

    I won’t let my husband floss his teeth in the living room. Bathroom only.

    Nora Bee’s last blog post..Now I know my ABC’s

  236. I run up and down my basement steps very quickly because I’m afraid something will reach out and snatch me.

    Also. I cannot look into a mirror in the dark.

    Aaalso, when I was younger, I’d spell out EVERYTHING I said in my head.

  237. One more. When I was younger numbers had personalities to me.

    Like…8 was a jerk cause it cheated on 7 with 9. And 9 was a dick because it always took away one number so that whatever was being added to it couldn’t be itself in teen form. But 11 was super nice cause it did the opposite of 9. And 10 was just cocky.

    But hey, it helped with math.

  238. @emily,
    Wow, that must’ve been hard for your mom. On the upside, avoiding all the white sauces is at least kind to the waistline. Maybe I need to cultivate some of those phobias.

    shonda little’s last blog post..Two Burning Rings of Fire

  239. I am laughing so hard at the Johnny Depp thing that I can’t even read any further. Because I thought the exact same thing.

    238 comments? Do you even still read these?

    Mom101’s last blog post..True Tales from Mobile Home 8

  240. I totally read them. It’s a compulsion.

  241. I eat things in even numbers- like m&ms, crackers, etc. And I prefer to eat two of the same flavor or color at the same time. But I won’t eat grape things so I pick out the grape skittles.
    I cuddle with my puppy in the morning and can’t get up until she wakes up and gives me a kiss- even though I’m trying to stop the constant licking the rest of the day.
    I knock on wood all the time and toss salt over my left shoulder if I spill it and don’t walk near ladders.
    But most strangely, I HATE HATE HATE (cannot possibly express the amount of HATE) crumpled paper. The way it feels totally skeeves me out. I fold paper towels. Straw paper. Tissues. Toilet paper! I don’t crumple paper. Ever. So I won’t pick it up. It will sit there until the world ends if you expect that.

    baltimoregal’s last blog post..Last weekend.

  242. If I’d been drinking milk while reading this, it now be sprayed across my laptop screen. So, thanks for that and I’m glad my mouth was milk free. Both because I don’t want to clean that shit up and because I don’t like milk. 😉

    Bri’s last blog post..Naked Mondays # 21: The Ugly Truth

  243. I have SO many of these listed!

    M&M’s – even when I buy the 3 lb bag at Costco (which is how I normally buy them) the first thing I do is sit down at the kitchen table, pour them ALL out onto paper towels and sort them by color. Then each color goes into it’s own separate ziploc bag and then back into the main bag. Then they’re eaten always in a specific order – not rainbow order though cause that’s just gross. And always either in 2’s or 3’s (only the 3’s if it’s down to the last of a specific color cause you can’t mix colors and you can’t just eat 1 alone).

    Oh, and I check for the garage door closing at least 3 times. And the iron off – again, at least 3 times. And anything that I have to chuck in my purse that I will need later that day (keys, pills, tickets, whatever) I have to check 4 times before I go out of the house and then at least hourly throughout the day to make sure it didn’t suddenly disappear.

    I have to make lists. I never follow lists.

    I have so many more, but we try not to think of them all.

  244. Yeah, I shat a possum once.
    But I had the courtesy to flush.

  245. So on those days when you think you might have thought that number and then you think it again to cancel it out, how can you be SURE that you originally thought that number in the first place? What if you never thought of it until the cancel-it-out thought? In which case, that’s the first thought of said number which, naturally, needs to be canceled out. Or not.

    I would be concerned.

    A Lil’ Irish Lass’s last blog post..And, Lord Knows, I’m Full Of It

  246. Since I’m comment 245 or some insanely ridiculous number like that, I guess I am way too far down from comment #10 so I’m not even expecting a reply, but I just wanted to say that if you ever need validation on your neuroses, I’m your gal!

    Also, just in case you have a compulsive need to name male genitalia, make sure you go add to DadGoneMad.com’s list of alt-names for the male member, posted yesterday.

  247. I think Johnny Depp would look better with that scarf around his face. That man needs a shower and a good shave. Maybe he can kick back on that rug and chill out after he realizes how good it is to be clean.

  248. I’ll play, even though this post is a week old. My thing is that I have to check behind shower curtains to make sure there’s not a murderer hiding behind the curtain. I don’t know what I’d do if I did encounter a murderer hiding in the bathtub, but I still have to check.

    Also, the Johnny Depp thing? Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

    Jessie’s last blog post..Pumping something other than iron

  249. I can’t get in to bed by stepping, I have to stand a couple feet away and jump in because my stupid cat is forever bringing in mice and letting them get away and I am sure they are living under my bed waiting to bite my feet.

    I can’t knock on glass doors or windows because of an accident I had at 11. I freeze up, and if my kids go near glass doors or windows I have a panic attack.

    I can’t sit on the toilet without checking for spiders, same with getting in the bathtub or using the sink cuz those creepy little bastards live in dark, damp places.

    Oh and so I don’t clog you up with comments… the rug in the Polar bear rug post? My cats would eat the bear and piss on the rug.

    Steph’s last blog post..I give up…

  250. Oh and ROFL @ me it was all one post!!

    Steph’s last blog post..I give up…

  251. I can’t pee in my own bathroom in the middle of the night. I have to walk down the hall to use the other one b/c this evil spider jumped down onto the top of my head one night in my bathroom and now I am forever haunted.
    Also, when I am in the passenger seat of the car, I have to mentally weave in and out of the dash lines on the highway or we will drift into another lane and wreck (sp?). Please help.

  252. 253
    Cherry Torn

    When I count things on my fingers, which I do often for no reason whatsoever, my thumb counts as two fingers. I especially like to count words to see if the last letter corresponds to my pinkie.

    I like to finish things (like bottles of shampoo) so much that once I get near the bottom I start using 10 times as much as I need.

  253. It seems I always arrive on the ass-end of things.

    I came here, realized I’ve already been here and somehow lost your link when I intended to save it because I fucking LOVE this post–especially the Johnny Depp muppet–and now I’m here and can I just say will you marry me?

  254. ok, so I’m trying to catch up on blogreading, so I’m a little behind. I couldn’t help thinking when I saw the polar bear rug thing that you were going to start some inside abstract joke about Sarah Palin and then I realized that you posted this *before* Palin became a famous celebrity who is reported as hating polar bears, denying global warming is done by humans and whos 15 seconds is running into overtime right now. Is that weird or what?

    Anyhow, on to the neurosis because whenever I read your blog I feel a little bit better about myself. Now doesn’t that just warm your heart?

    OMG, I can’t believe how many freakin comments I had to scroll through to get to post. I wonder if you ever can read them all and how. Why am I even posting if I don’t think you’ll read it, is that neurotic?

    Is it neurotic that sometimes I post things in other people’s comments that I don’t have the balls to post on my own blog?

    Anyhow, way back up in the earlier comments, someone named Jessica posted about not being able to use the outside of the toilette paper because of germs—me too! She also said she has to tell people she loves them before sleeping — me too! How can different people have the same neurosis? I have to tell people I love them all the time because of 9/11. Life is too short and I’m terrified of someone dying knowing that the last conversation I had with them was missing me telling them I loved them. I’m always afraid my husband or son will die in their sleep and I’m terrified of waking up next to a dead body. I think about death all the time and I think I need therapy for it but I’m afraid they will put me on some drug that will kill me so I just suffer in silence.

    I always have to cover my mouth when I yawn because when I was in the 4th grade I read a book about superstitions and it said that you should cover your mouth when you yawn because it’s polite and because the devil or evil spirits could enter your body while yawning. I can’t understand why in the hell out of all the supersitions I’ve read, that one stuck.

    Does the huge amount of comments on this post alone suggest that your audience is really messed up (myself included)? I guess there is a place for us all, afterall.

    TheMacMommy’s last blog post..I got a sticker

  255. I *totally* read all the comments. I’m OCD. It’s an illness.

  256. Okay, I know this is waaaaay late and no-one is going to read this (except maybe Jenny), but one of my neuroses is that I can’t post a comment until I’ve read all the comments to make sure that mine isn’t word-for-word identical with someone else’s. It took me this long to get around to reading all the comments (I got stuff to do, ya kno?).

    I have a lot of the same as other commenters, such as garbage disposals (and blenders…seriously, I know that once they’re running, I will be compelled to stick my hand into the blades), spiders (all those legs are just wrong. And each leg has like 4 knees…what’s up with that?), and dividing my M & M’s into color groups, eating the odd ones first so there’s the same amount of all the colors, and eating them in 3’s (not in 2’s–even numbers are wrong).

    I also have a few that weren’t mentioned by anyone else.

    First: I can’t have people behind me. We only go to restaurants at odd hours because I have to have a corner seat, I absolutely won’t go to movie theaters because people can walk in the aisle behind me (in the dark, no less!), and having to go to the grocery store or the bank gets me stressed to the point of tears because I’ll have to be in line and someone else may get in line behind me (sometimes I shop at a 24-hour store at 4 o’clock in the morning). Drive-throughs aren’t great, but they’re not as bad because I know there’s a buffer zone, plus I have a mirror so I can keep an eye on the person behind me and I’ll know exactly how close they are at all times.

    Second: I’m creeped out by people. Not just strangers, but everyone. I’m not sure what I think they’re going to do to me, I just get all nervous out in public which is really unfortunate because I’m a Sunday School teacher for K-6th (yes, I’m afraid of the kids). Church is agony (why do we have to shake hands? What’s the point?) and working outside of the home is out of the question. At every job I ever had,I’ve been convinced that co-workers don’t like me and talk about me when I’m not there, planning out ways to make me stay home (which is funny–I’m completly non-descript and do my best to stay unnoticed). And I freak out if someone rings the doorbell and there’s no one but me at home to answer the door. I start acting like I’m in some kind of spy movie or something, pressing myself up against walls and trying to peek out the windows in a way they can’t see me. If it’s someone I don’t know I won’t answer. For UPS or something like that I answer, but I make a big deal about holding my dog back like she’s vicious (but really she’s more likely to pee on his shoes than to bite him).

    Third: The phone. I dislike people calling me, but I’m really uncomfortable making phone calls (even to my own family). Once I got a call from a lady at church who was soliciting for people to “go to jail” for MDA and make phone calls to raise money. I was too scared to say “no”, so I spent the next month unable to sleep because I was sooo worried about making the phone calls. Finally, a few days before the lock-up I emailed the lady in charge and told her I had a schedule conflict and couldn’t do it (that sounds so shabby).

    Fourth: I “channel” my pets. I know what they want to say, so I say it for them (sometimes they cuss in front of the kids and have to be reprimanded, but I go easy on them, cuz they’re just animals and not very bright). My husband and kids think I’m trying to be funny, but what if my dog really does have something to say and I don’t say it for her? She’ll never be heard, and I just can’t do that to her.

    Fifth: I’m convinced that my posessions have conscience thoughts. I hate giving or throwing things away because, what if it’s part of a family or a couple? And I hate re-arranging things. If I move a chair from my bedroom to the Living Room, won’t it feel like a kid starting a new school in the middle of the school year? And magazines with a picture of a person on it….I always feel like they can really see me and are judging me, so I have to scribble over their eyes with a pen or tear that part of the picture out.

    Wow, I think I’ve gone beyond OCD and into Batshitcrazyland.

    ScrappyQuilter’s last blog post..Grandpa’s Quilt

  257. Okay, I just found your site. And I think that the powers that be are punishing me for not discovering it sooner.

    Why? Because just over two weeks ago, my 5-pound cat tried to kill me. She decided to have a nap on my top step, and I tripped over her while I was getting set to do laundry. And while no wooden dowels were harmed, I did break my knee and required surgery to set the break. Spent a week in the hospital. Not permitted to weight-bear for at least six weeks. And me with a new baby at home, too.

    And I just can’t help but think that if I would have found your blog a month earlier, the whole tragedy could have been avoided, since I would have been warned in advance of the potential dangers of the common housecat.

    I’ll make a point of reading regularly now, to ensure I take no more such chances.

    As to neuroses – well, I have far too many of those to list off, and I’m sure most have been covered by your previous commenters. I’m pretty sure my future compulsion to check your blog regularly in order to ensure I don’t injure myself in a bizarre cat-related incident will qualify!

    Trish’s last blog post..Your true colours

  258. Staring at my dog today for an hour, and staring my cat for another hour, what a boring day.

    Wireless Dog Fence’s last blog post..Shop Around For Your Wireless Dog Fence

  259. yeah if I pray before I go to sleep and say someones name then I literally have to say “please protect..” and then say everyone I know, because I feel if I leave someone out then they might just die and it would be all my fault

    and if I need to remember a name or something I repeatedly go through the whole alphabet until I figure that name out

  260. When my husband is home I sleep in, at most, a T-shirt and undies. But when he’s out of town I wear pajamas, just in case I die in the middle of the night. That way my kids won’t have their last memory of me being naked.

    laurie’s last blog post..Here Is Where I Offer Updates and Corrections

  261. I know 2 years old with RA; it just sucks, whenever it hits.

    Hope you find some meds that help with the pain.

    Lisa Milton’s last blog post..fibs I tell myself

  262. When I change the volume on anything that shows a numeric value to the volume (like the TV), I always have the set the volume to an even number. Or a multiple of 5. But NEVER 3. Or 17.

    Worse yet, if someone else is playing couch commando I will yell and stomp my feet until they change the setting.

    Saskia’s last blog post..Heaven is a thin little chocolate covered minty refreshing cookie. Hell is knowing the box isn’t for you.

  263. 264
    Chebasaurus

    Ok, I only got a 1/4 of the way down these because I keep laughing out loud at work. It’s my last day here before I take a leave for personal wellness, so I really can’t laugh because they think I’m depressed and all. I already think they don’t believe my fake personal un-wellness, so Bloggess and commenters, you’re really not helping my situation.

  264. 265
    Courtney

    I don’t know if this is a neuroses or a fear, but I’ve always been afraid that someone is going to kill me by stabbing or tearing out one of my pulse points.
    And I can’t drink out of styrofoam cups for fear that ill choak on the styrofoam and die.
    And I’m afraid that when i take a bite out of an apple it’s going to be hollow and have a tarantula in it.

  265. I check my purse anywhere from three to ten times before I leave my bedroom to make sure I have my keys, pills, wallet, my snacks “just in case”, my makeup (that I don’t even wear but it needs to be in there) and tape. Because you never know when you’re going to need tape, right?

    And before I leave my actual house I check again.

    When I tie my shoes I check twice to make sure they’re tight enough. Then before I leave I check to make sure I even tied them.

    I check 100 times a day while I’m out to make sure I put on underwear, to make sure I have my phone, knife, and chapstick in my pockets. Sometimes I feel the need to check and make sure my glasses are on my face.

    All of this stems from me losing ONE thing when I was a kid – when we moved to a new house when I was about six we left behind my Captain Underpants book. I like to think it’s because I was too irresponsible to pack it. So now, I check to make sure I can never forget anything ever again, ever. It drives my boyfriend insane because I make sure he doesn’t forget anything anywhere, either. (The one time I didn’t make sure he had all his stuff, he forgot his wallet and precious yo-yo at our friend’s house. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET, MOFUCKA.)

    I’m also terrified of ghosts raping my butthole in the middle of the night and that’s why I have to sleep with a blanket at least covering my butt at all times. Even in summer. Something always has to be covering my butt. Or else I will be assraped by a ghost. I wish I was kidding.

    Also I can’t sleep with my bedroom door open unless someone is sleeping with me because a serial killer will find his way into my house, ninja himself upstairs, and come in my room and kill me while I’m sleeping.

    I’m also afraid of the dark.

    I didn’t mean to write you a novel but it’s good to let out some of my crazy sometimes.

    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted Everything Is An Ouchy.

  266. I know a woman who has one arm and when I use the ladies room at her work and I see the sign on the paper towel dispenser that instructs you to use both hands to pull the towel out I always wonder if that pisses her off. Not everyone has two hands, you inconsiderate paper-towel-dispenser-making bastards!

  267. My crazy: I have to start everything from the beginning. Everything. It sucked trying to catch up on Doctor Who, what with catching up on all the old episodes, dealing with lost episodes… I nearly went crazier.
    Eyebrows. They have to be smoothed down in the proper manner. If I even think the word eyebrows I need to smooth mine down (already did it twice in writing this). My pop used to mess his up on purpose, and he has those old man eyebrows that are too long for regular people… He’d hold me at arms’ length and laugh….
    I cannot waste anything. Mascara I got in 2005? Still some left… Using it up now. My shampoo is a mixture of about 20 shampoos from different hotels. Same with my body lotion.

    These things just irk me… And I get the unlucky number thing, if it helps 6X2+1 is another way, or 26/2. You could get back at coworkers by writing out long equations solving for unlucky number?

  268. 269
    Lady Penelope

    So here is a few from my list (I refuse to list everything for fear of appearing like a complete nutter).
    The reason it is some 4 YEARS after the original post will become evident.

    1. If I find something I like I *need* to know everything about it.
    For example, if I find a new awesome author, I will then have to hunt down ALL previous works and read them too.

    This includes blogs, hence I am compelled to read this one from start to finish, including ALL comments and links.
    I am having mild anxiety attacks when some of the old links aren’t working.

    2. I must check all appliances are turned off before leaving my apartment so there isn’t a fire while I’m not there (‘cos for some reason a fire while I am there is better?).
    Then when I’m out the door, down the elevator and almost out of the building, I have to go back to make sure I really DID check it was all switched off.

    3. All packets and cans in my cupboards have to have labels facing out and no more than one item deep so I know what is in the cupboard. At. All. Times. Wardrobe and bathroom cabinets are variations on this.

    4. Totally with comment 10 about the M&Ms. I can’t mix colours either!

    Sometimes it’s hard being me.

  269. Lady Penelope, you and I are simpatico re #1. I beseeched Jenny several posts back to repost the photos of her miniatures somewhere so I could see them (okay, that sounds totally wrong but I swear I am not using “miniatures” as a euphemism. For anything. Like vaginas. Or midgets.).

    I think I am only a couple of days behind you in reading The Bloggess backblogs, but I too must read them all. It’s not only a moral imperative: if I don’t, it will break my mother’s back (or something).

  270. So it took me half an hour to decide to comment on your post because it’s from a while ago and I didn’t want to bother you. For the next half an hour I’ll sit on my couch and worry about what I said and why you think I’m nuts. I do this with everyone one I talk to and I HATE when I can’t rehearse what I might say in casual conversation. Luckily I have a friend who does the same thing so once a week we call each other up with a list of things we have said that may have been misinterpreted and review them.

    When I have a really bad panic attack and I am waiting for my meds to kick in I have to touch my husbands pointer finger with my own (ala Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam). If he is busy just pointing in my direction with the intent to touch my finger is acceptable.

    I am convinced that if I think of someone dying they will within days of the thought (It has happened twice, four times if miscarriage counts) so I have to immediately apologize silently for the thought and think of something horrible happening to myself to reverse the effect.

    Oh, and since I’m right handed, once a week I try and favor everything to the left so no ones feelings get hurt!

  271. I’m sure I’m not alone in this, but I have to count the steps when going up or down stairs or I will fall. And yes, I have fallen UP stairs .

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  273. We all know a rug won´t make us help nature in any way. But maybe being aware of the damage we can take some course of action.

    I believe it´s important to be aware. And I do think that´s the 1st step in this.

    I support anything that makes us realiza the damage we are causing to our planet in order to do something about it

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