I bet 700 years in the future they don’t even know what a “fail whale” is

I just got back from watching Wall-e for like the 18th time because they won’t let me bring my three-year-old into Tropic Thunder and every time I’m sitting there watching Wall-e I’m thinking “WTF?” but then I get home and can’t remember what I was WTF-ing about later but this time I had a pen and so I wrote notes to myself on my thigh during the movie.  You’re welcome.

So first of all, this movie doesn’t make any sense at all.  I kinda get why 700 years into the future everyone is fat but why do we all turn into cartoons?  Because Fred Willard isn’t a cartoon nor is anyone else from his time period and then 700 years later everyone is.  Also, how come that plant gets all sad and die-y when it doesn’t get water but is totally cool with being exposed to sub-zero space multiple times?  Also, I’m pretty sure the goal of this whole movie is to make me feel fat because the entire time I’m shoving popcorn and a giant icee down my throat, all the fat toon people are drinking their giant icees and flying around on their scooter lounge chairs and this is the point where I always want to twitter that this movie is making me feel fat but I can’t because I don’t have a blackberry and then they show you that the fat people all have this computer screen in front of them that is basically exactly like twitter except better because you can just talk and YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO USE YOUR FINGERS TO TYPE.  Which is supposed to come off as some sort of warning to us about the future but all I can think is fucking sign me up because seriously, do you have any idea how hard it was to write just that last sentence?  The all-caps part alone made my pinkie achy and yeah, I know, you’re all “That’s what the caps lock is for, dumb-ass” but I never use the cap locks button because I’m worried it will get stuck that way and then ALL MY POSTS WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS AND EVERYONE WILL BE LIKE, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?”    Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m ready for the time when we’re all fat cartoons, drinking liquid cupcakes, hanging out with indestructible plants and we have a Twitter that doesn’t make me type.  Oh and also? the end of that movie?  Totally sucks.  Spoiler alert for anyone under 8, by the way.  If you’re over 8 you don’t need a spoiler alert because I’m pretty sure you don’t even need to see the movie to guess that in the end the cartoon fat people go back to earth and save the planet.   But fucking why?!  You’re on a kick-ass space ship with non-typing twitter and cushy, floating chairs and no old people and robot babysitters and you want to go back to earth where there’s gravity and smog and decomposing trash piled as high as skyscrapers?   You will all be dead within the year.  You have no immunities at all.  You’re like the Indians and the whole world is a smallpox blanket.  Also, smog?  Cancer?  Possible link?   This was just like at the end of The Matrix when (spoiler alert for anyone who’s been dead since 1999) Neo is all “And now I’m going to wake everyone up” and I was like, “The fuck you are, asshole!  So basically you’re waking me up to a horrible, destroyed world where we live underground like moles and I’ve spent my entire life contributing to a 401k plan that doesn’t exist?!  You are an asshole!”  On the way home from that movie I was all “You know what needs to happen?  Someone needs to fucking kill Neo.  Those damn robots were the best thing that ever happened to us!” and then I yelled out the car window “DON’T FUCKING WAKE ME UP, NEO!” in case he was listening and see what I just did right there?  The all caps thing?  Ow.  Now my pinkie hurts again. 

That is exactly the sort of thing that I bet would never happen if I lived 700 years in the future.

Comment of the day:  In Canada we are forced to take our children to movies like Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express so we don’t eat them out of spite. ~ Motherbumper

208 thoughts on “I bet 700 years in the future they don’t even know what a “fail whale” is

Read comments below or add one.

  1. dude, there was a message in Tropic Thunder too: and it was, hey bitches, movie stars suck and also Cruise is definitely gay and war is bad yo and also funny. especially the retard part because, ummm: that part was true.

    and wall-e? it’s like the “Day After” for pre-schoolers. without the skin peeling off. but still, same thing.

    ms picket to you’s last blog post..LiveBlogging the Witching Hour

  2. Well, I am not down with a future where I am fat and unaware of anything but twitter screen and a sippee cup.

    Did you notice John and Mary when their hands touched?

    There was no sex going on in that twittering 7-11 slurpee utopia.

    No sex.

    Enough said.

  3. I should know better than to drink *anything* and read a post of yours, yet, once again, I have sprayed my screen with wine. Thanks.

  4. I suspect that future generations of cats will also resent that they could not, in fact, has cheeseburgers. If cats ever rule the world ot if The Cat From Outer Space* proves prophetic, we are screwed.

    * I love The Cat From Outer Space.

    will betheboy’s last blog post..Our Discoversary Is Finally Here

  5. Children’s movies turn us all into crackheads. See if you can speak or think coherently for a week after seeing Alvin & The Chipmunks.

    Chag’s last blog post..Hair

  6. This is so funny. I think it would be great to have a “twitteresque” dictating machine. I totally get that and am sure that it won’t take 700 years for them (whoever they are) to invent one. Seriously, in my lifetime we went from personal computers that you had to program code for to make work (how I hated that, one wrong piece of code and nothing happened) to the world wide web. Kids today don’t know how good they have it. Okay, I am stopping now I am starting to vaguely sound like my grandparents – back in my day we walked 10 miles to school, there were no buses!

    Bottomline – I get you.

    Mekhismom Aka Renée’s last blog post..Who Me?

  7. In a naked attempt to make my son get up off his 9 year old butt and go play, I have described to him the miracles of evolution, where the body adapts to its own actions and needs according to the environment. I told him that future generations would probably closely resemble Jabba the Hutt because spending hours upon hours a day in front of a video game would wither your hands to just giant thumbs and your legs would shrink to nubs while your ass expands to cover half the planet. Use it or lose it. “Gee mom – I’ll go do something!” came the exasperated sigh.

    Then we went to see Wall-E. And as we walked out, my son asked to go for a walk. Sometimes, Hollywood is a lot more effective.

    Sayre’s last blog post..Fun Monday – a poser?

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  9. Thank you for this, now I don’t have to watch this stupid movie and hear Mr. T tell me about how this is my future if I don’t stop Twittering. He thinks I have some sort of Twitter addiction, which I totally don’t, but even if I do I don’t have a robot baby sitter, and I can’t drink slurpees and have to chase a 4 year old all damn day long so there is no way in HELL that I can get fat. Unless of course the kid breaks my legs and jaw and all I can do is drink milkshakes and Twitter. Then surely I will have an ass the size of a double wide!

    Momma’s Tantrum’s last blog post..Reasons I Shouldn’t Be Allowed Out Of The House

  10. So, you’re saying Neo is Wall-e? And you are Amy Winehouse? And I am the walrus? Goo goo ga joob?

  11. It is a rush to type that many words in such close proximity to one another, when you are not on twitter, Huh? lol.

    People who haven’t grasped twitter, are truly missing out.

    You aren’t a crack head – that word is so 1997 anyway.

    I am glad you said liquid cupcakes and not in pill form – it will keep the same integrity, taste wise.

    If you have a 3yr old it practically drives you into these insane delusional bouts of critical rationalization.

    The fail whale will be a thing of “urban legend”, and most likely associated with erectile dysfunction in the future.

    Amber_’s last blog post..This Blog Has A Comment Form

  12. LMAO!
    You’re the second person to reference the “fail whale” that I’ve read this week. While I Twitter, my brain just never connected to the whole “Fail Whale” thing.

    Wall-e sounds like the Rise of the Silver Surfer…

    Shades’s last blog post..Lessons

  13. It is my goal to sit at a bar and have a drink with you and discuss the meaning of life because I think you might know it. Seriously.

  14. Oh you so stole my post about Wall-e, except I didn’t get to throw around the f-bomb and I’m not scared of my caps lock button…but STILL! Tell me it didn’t freak you out a little to sit in front of your screen when you got home and realize that if you put on 100 lbs you’d BE that chick who got all excited and HAWT over accidentally brushing hands with some other human with no discernible muscle tone.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..Living in the path of Hurricane Fay

  15. Dude. You just made me snort a sugar-free Hostess-chocolate-cupcake wannabe that’s so filled with preservatives and nasty chemicals, giving it a shelf-life of 300 years (but by fuck it’s low sugar and my pancreas is happy thankyouverymuch) through my nose that there’s no fucking way I’ll be able to make it onto that stupid shit with the talk-to-it Twitter installed in my personal La-Z-Hover.

    Shit. Did that make any sense?


    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Inappropriate Panties?

  16. I’m not sure I’m down with the liquid cupcakes and perma-loungers, but dude, Wall-E was one major joykill. What the hell were the execs at Pixar smoking when they decided that would be a great plot for the under ten crowd? Actually, it’s probably the same stuff Jenny smokes right before she posts……

    houndrat’s last blog post..Meet My Husband–Mr. How Not To Wear

  17. OK, Jenny, back away from the keyboard slowly…. atta girl, you’re doing fine… there, feel better now?

    ROFLMAO Girl – you are da bomb! (as my son says…)

  18. zOMG. I am laughing so hard I practically have tears. You made the 16-year old son laugh (that is quite a feat). You made Mike laugh, after I was all like , “Hello, uhm, I’m a dumb ass and left my wallet on the plane – please cancel all the credit cards.” Oh goodness, I needed that.

    I f*cking HATED Wall-e, but now you make me want to see it again just so I can pick up everything I need to mock in it. But I won’t, because I refuse to give them more money for it. F*cking fat, miserable movie that makes me feel bad. Grrrr…

  19. Liquid cupcakes! And to think I just expended all that energy eating a stupid cake cupcake. Gah.

    This did seriously make me laugh, though. Your humor is good for the soul! So, thank you!

    FancyLori’s last blog post..7 Days In

  20. Shit it hurts. I need to remember NOT to drink Miller lite and read you at the same time. It hurts when it comes out your nose. Dammit woman.
    At least now I know what to expect when the kids want to see WALL-E and I am so with you on the NEO thing.

    Rachel’s last blog post..Mouthwatering Monday: Coffee Malts

  21. Usually I don’t visit your blog because you make me feel insecure with your funniness and popularity, but today I am glad I did because that was HILARIOUS! And I’m glad we share the same sentiments about brain-Twitter and liquid cupcakes and stuff. Mmmm.

    Fern’s last blog post..dear universe, i am a cheap date

  22. Although you didn’t think this would make sense…it totally does. I’m even cool with implanting a chip directly into my brain, all that talking directly to twitter would aggravate my TMJ.

    Bunnie’s last blog post..Manga Ya Face

  23. but srsly, I <3 Wall-E. Why? It wasn’t a movie for us. It was a message to our children. We have already f’d it up enough…now they are telling our children not to blow up.

    And that? Made me verklempt. Or throw up a little in my mouth…not sure exactly which. But I still appreciated the premise.

    T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..I’m not Mrs. Ostrich, but I Play One in My Head

  24. I thought Wall*E was so overrated. And I’d so take my kids to see Tropic Thunder if I could. But I’m afraid they’d complain about being bored too much and then I’d have to punch them in the faces to make them be quiet so I could hear and I’d get arrested for child abuse and that’s no fun for anybody you know?

    So Wall*E again it is for us too.

    Maria’s last blog post..This Space For Rent.

  25. Fantastic! Did they have a blogging interface for the Twitter thing too? That would be even better. Maybe not for you though. Well, us. Stream of consciousness at the speed of talking from you may just kill us all. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about killing 4,965 bloggers though.

    Jim’s last blog post..Packing Them in

  26. Oh and I meant to add that you can totally get software that you speak/it types. So it is like 700 yrs into the future. TODAY!

    (is it weird that I don’t use the caps lock either?)

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..Photo Contest

  27. My head hurts. And even though it’s not *necessarily* due to this post, I’m going to go ahead and blame it on you.

    Just like that time you sprained my finger. By making me laugh so hard I smacked it into my other hand. And sprained it. A*hole.

    ali’s last blog post..News: A more flexible concept every day!

  28. A rude comment and a teeny tiny request=

    1. I wondered how…..reproduction of the species took place with people being permanently public.

    2. Font size……is there any chance that you might be willing to consider using something a tiny bit bigger for your older, poorly sighted readers?

    Maddy’s last blog post..Social Stories, enough or not enough information?

  29. I don’t have kids, and yet i went to see Wall-e anyway (if you multiply 8 by 3 and subtract 1. I’ll be that age soonish), as far as social commentary goes – it was crap. The New York Times loved it though – didn’t it?

    I’ve lost the reason for this comment…I think the tricky math threw me for a loop. Just another reason to have robots do everything for us.

    Deidre’s last blog post..Elaine Bon Jovi

  30. I’m just figuring out the Twitter. I’m pretty for sure this tingly rush I get each time I log on is the exact same feeling future crack/heroin/meth addicts feel when they first discover their new preferred high. You know, before they’re pimping themselves and pawning their grandma’s 20 year old boom box, back when they feel trendy and hip.

    Also, fat people on a space ship? I think the writer of this cartoon must’ve dreamed it up while on a Carnival Cruise, which is basically the same thing. Those stewards, like, live under your bed and, I swear to God, would whip your ass for you.

    shonda’s last blog post..If Preschool Were Heaven, It Would Be Rainbow Lane!

  31. 10 minutes into Wall-E I had to get my huge 96 oz coke and 4lb tub of popcorn out of my sight.

    But I was totally inspired by it. When I came home I started thinking twice before throwing my plastic bottles in the trash. “I’m going to throw this bottle right in the trash.” “Oh, wait, I don’t have to throw it in the trash. My daughter has figured out how to put stuff in other stuff, so she can throw it in the trash.”

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..And Make It Better

  32. This is exactly why I only allow my kids to watch Sponge Bob. It’s just, like, so much more realistic. I also let them eat raw cookie dough and KoolAid with an extra half cup of sugar in it. You’re only young once, for about 2 weeks. wtf?! your ‘submit comment’ button is a fat liar. I did NOT already say that! bass tard.

    Martie’s last blog post..Our House, In The Middle Of Our Street…

  33. Eeeee-va!

    I thought Wall-E was awfully in-your-face-you-Earth-ruining-morons too. Gawd, I didn’t pay $60 to go to the movies and be insulted.

    Did I?

    But man, if I could get me one of those floating chairs and not have to lift a goddamn finger, then sign me up too.

  34. I just want all those robots to clean my house. Though given the choice between crackhead and typing all those cutesy internet acronym emoticons (do they still call them emoticons?) I would go with crackhead. I mean, even if we got typerless twitter could you imagine how annoying it would be to say shit like “L-M-A-O!” and “I-M-H-O” in real life?

    And I seriously don’t know what this means, I<3. What does that mean? Something with boobs, right?

    the weirdgirl’s last blog post..When Bigfoot Exposes Himself

  35. You can Twitter from any cell phone that is capable of texting, which basically means ANY PHONE. Even in the movie theatre. Even in all caps. Whatever floats your boat.

    Sam’s last blog post..Gmail Chat on Mortgages

  36. I have to say that I am very glad that there are others in the word with the fear of caps, actually for me I think that it is a hatred for all caps. As I search for the love of my life “online” I instantly delete those that use all caps…why because I think they are lazy. Which brings me around to something that I hate to say but a truely lazy person would have used the all caps button, sorry I dont believe that you would be a floating flop. And one more thing, there might be a reason why someone over the age of 8 should not see a pixar movie more than twice. And last point, I think that you are awesome and love that you watched wall-e 18 times and then blogged about it!

  37. Oh man, I loved Wall-E. It moved me, and my kids loved it. But I am with you on the Fred Willard thing. Why not animate him too? Bizarre. And Neo. Man, I never did see the third one. One of these days…

    Raging Dad’s last blog post..For those about to rage

  38. I’m scared now, cos that made total and complete sense to me. And I haven’t seen Wall-E.

    Honestly, I’d take a keyboard that cleans itself and a text-to-speech program over that whole non-typing laziness crap…

    They probably just stab the people in their fat with a needle and take some of their eggs and sperm, or some skin to clone them.

  39. This made me laugh like a drain. God knows why a drain laughs, but it does.

    I don’t want to have to type anymore. It’s tiring. All those finger exercises are making my fingers unnecessarily toned. It’s worrying.

    I still have seen Wall-E, and I think I might go with my mother tomorrow. Thankfully, I think I could have guessed the ending from the trailer.

    Raz’s last blog post..Do You Have A Plan?

  40. “…we have a twitter that doesn’t make me type…”

    Pretend you’re reading this post and you aren’t a “computer person” (because, believe it or not, there are people who aren’t computer people and DON’T know what twitter is) and you might just think you’re thinking of a female body part and why can “it” type anyway?

    My “twitter”…the new vajayjay??

    I’m afraid I’m the only non-robot who’s ever made that connection. Or maybe it’s just too early and not enough coffee.

    Let’s go with that and be done, k?

    Robin (PENSIEVE)’s last blog post..When Callie met Nelson, it was NOTHING like When Harry Met Sally!

  41. I refuse to see a movie where the two stars just fucking mumble to each other. If I want to hear two hours of mumbling, I go visit my great opa in the nursing home, at least then, I’d get free jello.

    brittany’s last blog post..Dermatological Guest Post

  42. Does this have anything to do with “Back to the Future?” If so, I’m confused. If not, I’m confused.

  43. Yeah.. a sexless future?? No thanks.. I don’t care if I have 5 kids, 2 of whom still get up in the night, and don’t have any time or energy to do it… I’m holding out hope..

    But Neo?? Yeah. So NOT cool, man.

    ChurchPunkMom’s last blog post..unstifling childhood..

  44. now i don’t need to see it. thanks. of course since i have 4 kids who will be begging to see it i can imagine that i will still end up having to go. it hasn’t made it to theaters here yet, but it is in the previews.

    natalie’s last blog post..A makeover like no other!

  45. I took my nephew to see this movie on Sunday and I was thinking the exact same things! Why didn’t the plant die in the vacuum of space? And when the captain got out of his flying lounge chair and walked over to the robot I was like “Yeah, right! His legs would break under his own weight.” And then when they went back to Earth, I was like, no way would I want to go back to Earth with it looking like that. The place was completely trashed.

    And Neo, don’t wake me up either!

    Melissa’s last blog post..Feeling Prickly

  46. OK, I have to admit

    I’ve spent my entire life contributing to a 401k plan that doesn’t exist?!

    Is absolutely the best reason to remain hooked up to a giant machine slowly draining the life out of me…

    Wait, that is what corporations do anyway.


    Houston’s last blog post..Dallas Is Wierd

  47. OMgosh. I just spewed coffee on the keyboard.

    Wall*E is a total let down and makes me question my whole relationship with Dis/Pix. They wronged me on that one.

    What I love is the *size* of the cartoonies yet they spill out of their floaty chairs like water. Um, just their toes would shake the ground with a big thud.

    And, yea. Please, someone kill Neo. Then maybe my hubby will stop watching those damn DVDs.

  48. “You’re like the Indians and the whole world is a smallpox blanket.” This is like the best quote ever. I should use it on my sister, who catches every single bug that goes around. But maybe I should wait until she’s totally recovered from meningitis.

  49. I’m guessing if you’re still alive in 700 years, we may have figured out how to solve some of those other problems. I would hope, anyhow. Otherwise, they are just keeping you alive and around for entertainment, and that’s either awesome or a little mean, like how you invite the crazy kid to a party so you can laugh at him.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Something Works!

  50. Shit. 105 comments already? Since I can’t think of anything original to say to contribute to this post, I’ll sum up all the other comments so others don’t have to spend 15 minutes reading them all.

    Jenny you rock
    I hated Walle
    I loved Walle
    Jenny you’re awesome
    I just spit water/beer/wine/liquid cupcake all over my screen
    Keep me plugged in Neo

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Advertising

  51. Shit, woman, how do you do the funny EVERY FREAKING TIME? SO FUCKING PERFECTLY. Now you’ve got me all capsing without the caps lock and my pinkie feels funny. Pretty soon it’ll go dead and FALL OFF. Yeah, thanks a lot for that. I bet I couldn’t type very well without my left pinkie.

    superblondgirl’s last blog post..My couch! It’s exciting!

  52. First of all, I love you people.

    Secondly, you’re totally right that the no-sex-in-the-future thing would suck, except that if they have such advanced internet in the future they probably have advanced kick-ass porn and even though they probably can’t reach their privates I would guess there is a whole branch of robots just for masturbation. High-tech masturbation robots. I’ll just let that sink in.

    PS. For those of you who don’t know what the “fail whale” is, it’s the graphic of a big whale that shows up anytime twitter crashes, (i.e. all the damn time). If you don’t know it then that means you aren’t twittering. But you will be. It’s only a matter of time.

  53. I couldn’t see the third Matrix movie on principal. I saw the first one, and fine, yeah, that’s fine. Good enough to make the idea of the second one tolerable. Except what the fuck people! I don’t care if it’s part of a trilogy you DO NOT end ANY MOVIE EVER with the equivalent of “to be continued.” So then I was all morally opposed to the third Matrix movie and besides, Keanu Reeves? Not the world’s best actor. All he’s good at is acting surprised, and any movie that he’s been in that’s been good has only been good because his whole job was to act surprised, and he’s good at that. Except that movie where he’s a detective surfer. That shit is genius.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..I hate driving

  54. Tropic Thunder blew anyway. Well except for RDJ. He could do anything and still be sexy, high guy playing an Australian guy, playing a black guy who TINTED HIS SKIN to play the movie.

    Still sexy.

    All I remember about WallE was him being adorable and me shoving pretzels and cheese in my mouth. Thankfully, not liquid pretzels but almost.

    Jamie’s last blog post..me? writing raps?

  55. THANKS FOR RUINING MY MASCARA. I was yelling that so you could hear me, because OMG, that was hillarious.

    YOu know that you can text Twitter from your regular cell phone, right? Or you can text Ping.fm or one of those other services. Then, you don’t need a crackberry! It’s awesome, because then you can tell me when you find Neo and I’ll help you move the body, because that bastard needs to take a lead pill, if you know what I mean, because I swear to goodness, if I wake up naked, bald and living in some freaky pod, I’m going to be pissed.

    That was a great run-on sentence, don’t you think?

    Miss Thystle’s last blog post..Calvin’s Secret isn’t the same as Victoria’s.

  56. I am now in love with you.

    I think we should all get those mouthpieces like what Stephen Hawking uses to talk to his computers. At least then we don’t have to wait 700 years for voice-recognition typing. You’d think we’d have that now, man. But then my office would be really loud and it would be hard to hide when I’m blogging if I had to say my comments out loud.

    Also, I don’t want to be unplugged either. I’ll be your Duracel.

    Andrea’s last blog post..Wishing I Were Here

  57. I am totally unsure what part to comment on because it was all so funny!

    I haven’t seen WallE yet, but I’m sure I’ll have to see it 6 zillion times when it comes out on DVD. Thankfully my MIL takes my son to these things so I don’t eat too much popcorn and DOTS. This way I can sit on my ass @ home on the computer getting fatter! ;o)

    Steph’s last blog post..This is how it went…

  58. I just forwarded this to everyone I know. I forwarded it twice to the people who have not stopped talking about Wall-e to me. Because this is as close to an intervention as I’m gonna get with them.

    Honestly, this just about made me pee my pants.

  59. Thank you, now I don’t have to see the movie. The hubs took the kids to see it and none of them could tell me about it, which I guess is good because man how depressing for a kid’s movie.

    I saw give us more movies like Pineapple Express and Tropic Thunder. Dumb, stoned people doing stupid crap that makes us laugh. Oh yeah, that is my kind of movie. No one is saved, just the way we like it.

    And please if I can sleep for more than 6 hours, you better not wake my happy ass up because I will knock you the fuck out.

    SoMo’s last blog post..Her First Lesson in Money

  60. Exactly the reason I thank God I have teenagers…I am oblivious to such happenings…but I am intrigued by the whole liquid cupcake thingy?

  61. I come here to read the comments every day. I don’t do that On any other site. But damn, it’s taking a lot longer than it used to, so I’m going to leave one before reading the others today.

    No sex? I hadn’t even noticed that. i thought it’d be cool and all, but I’m not signing up for that!

    ktjrdn’s last blog post..Overbooked

  62. The last movie I saw in the theatre was “Mulan”. I gained 11 pounds. I’m SO glad that my daughter is now old enough to drive herself to the movies.

    I never use my Caps Lock button either. It may be contributing to early onset arthritis. (Is that how you spell that?? Looks funny.)

    Bir Hair Envy’s last blog post..8.5

  63. “are you speaking bat?” heheheee girl i love you…but srsly enough with the posts that make me need a double dose of xanax and vodka!

    biddy’s last blog post..another letter

  64. Hi there, new to your blog, but I just had to say that I’ve always said that about The Matrix. So glad I’m not alone! (My husband disagrees, silly red pill type.)

  65. OMG, I thought I was the only person in the world who hated The Matrix for that very same reason!

  66. Oh my word! You are a genius. A super funny genius. Wall-E bugged me too. Hugely. And I’ve been having to defend that opinion to my family all summer. Now I’ve got the Bloggess on my side. Victory is mine.

    design mom’s last blog post..Lucky Number 13

  67. I had a totally different problem with this movie: Where were all the people who speak other languages, not to mention all the people other than white? I kinda think the white English-speaking filmmakers felt like they could only make fun of themselves, not of other cultures? But, it was confusing! I was so distracted wondering if there was a different spaceship for the Dominicans and the Bushmen, et al, or if they all died on earth and only Wal-Mart America got to leave, or what?

    Carrie’s last blog post..Me on Cookiemag.com

  68. I’m not from 700 years in the future and I have no freaking idea what a fail whale is.

    Is this something I should know? Will it be on the Mid-term?

    cog’s last blog post..dammit…

  69. fat cartoon and liquid cupcake land sounds good to me, too

    I didn’t see Wall-e but my teen son did and he wasn’t terribly impressed. He thought it was more of a message for adults.

    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..toe fugh

  70. So, when I hear the term “twittering” my mind goes to the gutter because my mind is a 12 year old freak. So then you say I could be twittering without your hands I’m all, “Where the hell do I sign up to figure out how!?” I’d sign up for the masturbating robot thing, too, though. But who needs robots if you can just twitter with your voice?

    WhenSheWorePonytails’s last blog post..Fay, please go away

  71. I don’t think that my kids understood the overconsumption message in the film, because on the way home they tried to trick me into going around to all the fast food places so we could find some wall-e toys that were bundled into kid meal packages. we only went to ten places and it was a total waste of time. much like the film.

    jennie’s last blog post..I’m coming back, I swear.

  72. MMmmmmm. Twitter.

    Seriously, that movie was so wack. Peter Gabriel at the end was the only saving grace, even though I didn’t even like that damn song. Now my kids want all the Wall-E merch, and I don’t want to re-visit it because the whole thing was so manga-esque depressing. Why were there no people of color on the spaceship? No one from any other cultures? Did only the fat white Americans have to evacuate the Earth? I was all, “Thank you, filmmakers, for preaching at me…now let me out so I can fucking go to Costco.”

    Rock and Roll Mama’s last blog post..VW Bus, Blueberries, and my Grandpop

  73. “Exactly!” he cried, “and he’s all like ‘i’ll take it’ in his wincing woman voice – seriously if i was a big person I would’ve totally shouted “WTF! You’re a hobbit! Like a teeny-tiny thing that can’t do shit but drink, smoke and grow cabbage – no thanks dude. Not leaving the fate of the world in your teeny tiny nail-gnawed paws. WTF. I give the ring to the big dude – the biggest man one, actually we need a black guy – they run like shit fast – no ogre pig or witch man with women hair can catch him – GO BLACK GUY!”

    “Seriously, these movies are so unrealistic” she agreed.

    JL’s last blog post..Sometimes I work

  74. I don’t like to use the caps lock button either cuz then it’s a habit to use the shift sO aLL mY sTUFF lOOKS lIKE tHIS and people don’t know whether I’m on crack, or yelling, or wondering if I was secretly a teenage boy and my voice is changing. Then I look like a teenage voice cracking boy or a yelling crack whore, my point does not get across to the people, and on top of all that–my pinkie hurts. Caps lock is a no win situation.

  75. Don’t worry about the fat people. After they save future earth all okay with themselves they’ll crack open a Cosmo and commit mass suicide from a plummeting drop in self-esteem.

    Thank god, because in this timeline we can’t stand those fatties.

    Thanks for the BEST Wal-e review. Ever.

    jennydecki’s last blog post..Oversharing, Transparency, and Boundaries

  76. “You’re like the Indians and the whole world is a smallpox blanket.”

    It’s not often I LOL at work while reading online, so…congratulations? ;^)

  77. I am totally down with the non-typing Twitter thing, but damn, liquid cupcakes sound totally f***ing disgusting. No way. If there are no real cupcakes I am totally moving to another planet in 700 years.

    Elisa’s last blog post..SELF is neurotic too

  78. My question is…they lost all their cartildge or something and don’t have a spine..then how do they stand in the end..did they just grow a spine?…and is that what the humans did..”grew a spine” and took over the technology?
    Oh shit, I just read WAY to much into that stupid movie. What ever happened to stuff w/out a message like Apple Dumpling Gang?

    mp’s last blog post..Did you know…

  79. I might have already said this, but I’m a little drunk right now (7:30 on Tuesday. WIN!) so I don’t remember:

    If I didn’t know what a “fail whale” was, I don’t know if I’d want to live…

    ali’s last blog post..A rare trip into Memeland

  80. I’m glad I’m not the only one who did not like Wall-E. I’m sorry, the characters were neither cute nor endearing, and, yea, I like Icees and laptops. Suck it pixar.

    And I find it difficult to ingest a plot about lazy people when freaking Walt Disney couldn’t even add some dialogue to the 2 hour children’s movie. The voices in my head could only carry the plot so far…

    Overflowing Brain’s last blog post..At least we know now

  81. I like to think that I won’t get fat in the Wall-E future, but everyone else will, and I won’t actually say anything about how fat they all are (because that would just be rude), but I’ll wear a lot of skimpy outfits and my bathing suit everywhere, even when it’s totally inappropriate, and take great pleasure in showing off my comparatively svelte body to all of the future fatties.

    It makes me happy to think of myself being able to wear a bathing suit without all that “everyone is staring at me because I’m so fat” baggage.

    But in reality, I’m sure I would be just as fat as everyone else.

    I mean, in Wall-E reality. Which isn’t actually reality at all.

    I’m confused.

    bejewell’s last blog post..11 Things You Would Have Seen or Heard if You Had Been in the Car with Me This Week

  82. Will you marry me? I’m already married. So are you. But, I’m sure we could come up with something.

  83. Um, first and foremost, the chances that you are going to even read this comment are like a billion to one, so I’m not sure why I am even leaving it. Scratch that. It is a shameless attempt to get you to come and read my blog under the guise that what I had to say in my last post is in some way related to this entry here, and that by reading it you will be helped.

    Because I a am a pathological liar, and because I can fool myself, not only do I tell you this so I can up my comment numbers from 3 to something more respectable, yet no where near your twenty billion per post, I also mention it because in my sick twisted way of thinking I believe that if you read my last post dealing drugs at the park, you might be more inclined to hang out with your kid on the playground and less inclined to take her to the movies, where you are once again forced to watch Wall e, which personally I have not seen, and now after reading your review, do not want to see.

    P.S. My brother just told me that Roy Scheider (the police chief from JAWS) died this year. When I said, “no he didn’t”, he was quick to tell me that they went to the same college, Franklin and Marshall, and that he read it in print in his alumni news. This is relevant to your whole why are waking me up fuck you segment of your post.

    This news ruined my whole fucking night. Why did he tell me this. Simpatico. Peace.

    laurieofthesevenstories’s last blog post..Dealing Drugs at the Park

  84. Every time I read one of your pukefests I want to take the blue pill from The Matrix. Or the red pill. Whichever one will make my head stop discharging rapidly.

    The Bloggess always makes my head discharge rapidly. But in a good way.

  85. Hm, I don’t twitter, but now I’m totally thinking that I should twitter because I could actually remember what I wanted to blog about later.

    That or I’ll just remember to bring a pen and write on my thigh.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Two Words – Now With Pictures

  86. Hey, before they come up with non-typing twitter I want non-typing texting. Because that is total fail for me — I’m a freakin’ idiot when it comes to that. And no, I don’t have an effin’ QWERTY keyboard because all I ever get is my kids’ hand-me-down phones where the numbers are worn down because THEY CAN TEXT FASTER THAN I CAN! (I did that with CAPS LOCK because I’m secure in my typing…)

    So anyway, this was the funniest post ever and now I have to go back to work.

    wordnerd’s last blog post..No One’s Gonna Tell Me How to Tweet

  87. I remember the good old days when I only had to read 75 comments after Jenny’s rockin’ blogs. Now my whole day is consumed. But, I have recently purchased the OhMiBod high-tech masturbation robot. So now I can multi-task. Unfamiliar with the OhMiBod? It is explained here: http://www.ohmibod.com/ And, they are now compatable with Apple’s iPhone. I may never leave my desk again.

  88. Ok, this is my first time to visit you, but it looks like you have quite a following.

    My boys both loved Wall-E. I thought I would going to hate it, but I liked it. IT was weird. And unrealistic. And heavy handed with its message, but underneath it all, a love story and about people who don’t stop caring. That’s important!

    Rhea’s last blog post..Hearing loss, detention & Mama Dawg

  89. I haven’t seen it- I’m still trying to recover from Fuckatouille. Oh, sorry, that’s RATATOUILLE.
    Freakin’ mouse.

  90. YES! I texted myself a blog idea while running on the treadmill this morning. Nearly fucking killed myself. I’m halfway to nubbin leg barcalounger: I’ve forgotten how to write manually, but I can still walk upright.

  91. I haven’t seen Walle, but now that I know there is some sort of message about computers and fat people, I’m scared to go see it for fear that when I get up to go to the bathroom, some little kid will point and go “HEY LOOK! SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE THE FAT CARTOON PEOPLE!”

    Y’s last blog post..Laughter Through the Tears

  92. Damn, that Finding Nemo was totally unrealistic too! A fish in a ziploc bag CANNOT CROSS THE STREET.

    They need to stop making these movies and confusing our children. Wal-E violates biology and Nemo violates physics. Oh, and biology. FISH CAN’T TALK.

    I’m just grousing because the movie didn’t make me feel fat–it reminded me that I am fat!

    ozma’s last blog post..October Is Sordid Month!

  93. Wall-E sucks if you have a hyped up 4 year old boy who will not sit still. Especially because there is NO TALKING in the movie. He can’t keep his attention on a movie with no talking. Are they crazy? No I am, for actually thinking he could be quiet and sit still. And I knew it was gonna be great when the electricity went out at the movie and my son yelled “I didn’t do it”. Good times.

    Tiffany’s last blog post..Future Comedian

  94. I don’t even want to stop to think of something awesome to say, if I even could. I just want to say that you are so super-cool in ways I don’t fully comprehend. But I followed all the twists and turns of this like the well-worn paths of my mind. Not that I’m super-cool, but you definitely are.

    To review, you=fucking great, and me=pathetic hanger-on.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Now where did I put carousel #15?

  95. You are the best blogger out there! I always laugh and LOVE to read your posts! Thank you 🙂


  96. I watched Wall-E just then.
    Cutest robot romance ever.
    But also lame in the lack of actual dialogue etc. It’s kind of like one big long “let’s deal with the waste and obesity problems” … um, thing?

    Oh, and with the whole holding hands thing… if they weren’t even doing that, where the fark did all those babies come from?! Just saying…

    And not to be a pessimist and all, but most of them probably die within the first couple of years after they get back to Earth. Then again… never mind. They all live happily ever after because it’s a kids movie.

  97. its 2011 and Ive never seen a matrix movie. and yes Im about to be 30. does this make me lame? should I go put in my VHS copy of Wall-E?

  98. I just felt sad for Wall-E.

    He was a productive little OCD sufferer, master of his own planet and didn’t have to be subjected to flabby humans. Then he is invaded and loses his oasis.
    Then again, without the waste on his planet left by the flabbys, he wouldn’t have an outlet for his OCD, so I guess all’s well that ends well…

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