Me: Holy crap. I just looked up my blog up Technorati and it says I’m in the top 5k.
Victor: I have no idea what that even means.
Me: It means that of the millions of blogs on technorati, mine is ranked as 4,966.
Victor: Great! So 4,965 people are better than you.
Me: No. 4,965 bloggers are better than me.
Victor: Well that’s…even less impressive.
Me: It’s kind of a big deal. Basically I’m in the top five thousand of a medium that, I dunno, probably 1% of the world actually knows exists.
Victor: Oh yeah…sounds great.
Me: So basically all I have to do is kill 4,965 bloggers and then I’m number one.* Number one, baby!
Victor: What do you get if you’re number one?
Victor: Ah. Good luck on that whole killing-thousands-of-people-for-nothing plan.
*I’m not really going to kill 4,965 bloggers. That’s just a joke. I thought I should clarify since sometimes these things get misconstrued here. Also, it turns out that technorati uses weird algebra so those 4,965 bloggers might actually be more like 10,000 actual people. Plus some of those blogs are written by a whole group of people so basically I’d have to murder like 20,000 people. I don’t have the time for that sort of project. I can barely manage to keep my car clean. But if I ever get to the top 18 or so, I will totally kill the other 17 people.**
**But only if they live near me.***
***Because I hate to drive.****
**** “Hate” is such a strong word. It’s more like “dislike”. I won’t murder all 17 people if they live far away because I dislike driving.
PS. As an aside? Seriously, blog popularity is fleeting, flukey and largely based on chance. Also, if you’ve linked to me before and I haven’t linked back to you it’s because I suck and I’m probably responsible for you not being in the top 5k. Please yell at me in the comments and I will totally put you on my list of people to murder blogroll if you aren’t there already.
PPS. Shit. I just looked again on technorati and now it says I’m at 8,096. Fuck! I can’t kill that many people by myself! Wait…just checked again and now it’s back to 4,966. Phew. That was a close one. Hey technorati, maybe you could straighten your shit out before you cause me to murder 3,000 extra people just because you have a bug. Just a suggestion.
Comment of the day: You don’t actually have to kill all those people. You can just chop off all their fingers ~ Chag
PPPS. I’m going to be updating my blogroll for months. Worth it.