Oh, milk. You kinda fucked this one up.

This is the part where I would assure you people that this is an unretouched photo that I actually took from my car window but I don’t know that it’s even necessary to clarify that, simply because it’s not possible for me to get high enough to come up with something this fucked up.

I’m not really sure what the message is here.  I’m assuming that it’s a tragic reminder of the horror of September 11th.  Brought to you by the goodness of milk.

Or maybe it’s just a weird coincidence that they’ve combined a 9-11 battle cry with pictures of cheese and whipped cream.  

Or maybe they actually meant, literally, let’s roll…away from the goodness of milk?  I don’t know.  I can’t even joke about it because it’s a fucking national tragedy.  There’s really nothing funny or milk-related about September 11th at all.  So please, Big Milk, stop now.  You are making my stomach hurt.

PS.  Yes. “Big Milk”.  You call tobacco companies “Big Tobacco” so you would call the milk companies “Big Milk”.  I don’t understand why I have to keep explaining this to people.

PPS.  Hi.  I know.  There’s pretty much no way to leave a funny comment on a September 11th related post.  You’re pretty much fucked on the whole “comment of the day thing”. 

PPPS.  Okay, fine.  Here’s something you can comment on with impunity.  Yesterday I twittered the link to a photo of a fail-whale tattoo.  As with many of my twitters, things quickly went very,very badly.  This is an artistic rendering of why I shouldn’t be allowed on twitter:

They really shouldn’t let me near computers at all.

Comment of the day:  This made me laugh so hard freedom fries came out of my nose.  AND I WASN’T EVEN EATING FREEDOM FRIES. ~ Kari

132 thoughts on “Oh, milk. You kinda fucked this one up.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Did you read the comments on that Caption Contest? He’s read worse than your twitter. *lol*

    Anyway – how’ve you been? I’ve been meaning to ask but I keep getting wrapped up in my own bullshit and I forget. LOL

    Maria’s last blog post..Gimmie Gimmie

  2. Yeah, except that the link that I linked to was actually a site kinda making fun of him and not actually his site at all. I’m an asshole. It’s pretty much official.

    Ps. I’ve been kinda crazy actually. My medications are not working well and I’m going to ask my doctor to test me for ADD because I think I’m losing my mind. Wait, did you want a real answer? You probably just wanted a “I’m fine”, right?

    I’m fine.

  3. Because nothing bad will ever happen to the U.S. of A if we’re all pounding the milk down?
    Milk makes us stronger,faster,better…we can rebuild him, we have the tools….

    (Thanks, Bob. Now hand me my big frosty mug. And I wouldn’t say no to some Oreos.)

    Anyhoo.

    daysgoby’s last blog post..the long road to adoption

  4. See, I would go with Big Dairy instead of Big Milk. Except I wouldn’t actually mean a big dairy, and that would get kind of confusing, so once again you are the smartest.

  5. I love you Bloggess.

    I never liked milk anyway. We should do the boycott thing like they say to do on e-mail with gas.

    Wait, wouldn’t that mean no cheese either?

    What about ice cream? Can we still eat ice cream?

    Oh, shit. Never mind.

  6. Maybe they’re trying to say something about the Olympics? Like, from the goodness of milk comes USA on the world stage

    Fuck I don’t know.

    LOL@fail whale clusterfuck.

    I would have done the same thing–never would have occurred to me that um, yeah, of course he’s on Twitter.

    anna’s last blog post..Ice Cream Bar Consistency Management System

  7. I don’t see how juxtaposing milk with 9/11 is any more fucked up than juxtaposing a milk truck with a twitter tattoo. Stop being such a fucking hypocrite, Jenny The Bloggess!

  8. First, I am lactose intolerant, but just of milk and ice cream. I can eat cheese – go figure! Frickin lactose….

    Second – your fail whale is my next tattoo, especially with the angry chickens. They are angry right? I mean they have to carry a whale… with big noshing teeth. I would be angry.

    Kat’s last blog post..begging isn’t really what I wanted to do

  9. I’m actually glad you tweeted about Critter’s tat— I probably never would have discovered his blog otherwise.

    I’m a (ahem) good Texas girl…and those guys with mohawks, ear rings and ink are just so freaking hot to us! Add to the fact that he is a devoted Daddy–and he is smmmmmooooking!

    Martie’s last blog post..Can You Wear Red Satin To An Episcopal Church?…

  10. The tattoo- I don’t blame you- I would have said the same thing, well, maybe not on Twitter but you are right, it is a horrible idea. And how were you supposed to know that he would be on Twitter???

    As far as the truck goes, perhaps there is a contingent out there that thinks that cows with massive milking ability are being hidden somewhere in Iraq and maybe Bush wants to send troops there to uncover the hidden milking conspiracy?

    Jen W’s last blog post..It doesn’t get more pathetic than this. No, I mean it.

  11. I don’t recall “Let’s Roll” being associated with 9/11, which is why I read the back of the truck and thought, “who’s the genius who PAID an ad team to come up with a BIG MILK slogan that grammatically suggests running the fuck away from all things dairy?” But then you told me about the 9/11 slogan part, and all my smartassery plummeted like a lead balloon. Or a fail whale carried by chickens.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Now I Know My ABC’s…

  12. My ankle hurts too. Weird. Did you fall? Does someone have a voodoo doll of both of us with a pin in the ankles. I don’t think I pissed off the fail whale tattoo guy, so we can rule him out.

    Actually, I don’t think very many people know who I am, so maybe they just made a voodoo doll of you and then it ended up looking too much like me. Can that happen?

    Maybe you just fell? Hope it feels better.

    anymommy’s last blog post..I’m Going Insane. GOING INSANE??

  13. Shut UP, germ beat me to it. I think it was some sly ubermarketing (hey, I always forget the code for umlauts over my u, so please read that as oobermarketing) from the anti-milk segment of the populace. They totally snuck one of theirs into the environs of Dairydom to bring down the system from the inside.

    Hey, which ankle?

    pee ess…I’m sorry I’ve somehow contributed to this most recent faux pas. and I agree with chag, your interpretation is much, much more hot than the original.

  14. haha, oh I shouldn’t be trusted with a keyboard. my apologies to JERM. I have no idea who ‘germ’ is, but if there is an actual person with this nick who is reading, I would like to wave hello to them exuberantly. and with much aplomb.

  15. I am one of the few that hadn’t joined Twitter but after reading this post I decided to jump in but I still don’t know what I am doing or who I am doing it with.

    Jan’s last blog post..Mowing

  16. “Big Milk”? I’d watch out for yogurt. All those ingredients that get into your digestive tract and then activate?
    …You know, I just got that. Huh.
    And can anyone tell me what the hell a fail whale is? Am I the only person on the planet who has not seen Wall-E?

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Hidden Treasures

  17. One time when I was trying on shoes I was making fun of how my ankle socks went up to my mid-calve (calf?) and I made some sarcastic comment about how ridiculous it looked and the guy who was helping me was wearing the “mid-calf” sock…so I know how you feel about the “fail whale” or maybe this isn’t the same at all…

    gingela5’s last blog post..Sorry Charlotte, Mommies Dead…

  18. A fail whale tattoo? That douche had it coming. Especially if he had the balls to come forward and show himself. He just needs to go back to reading XKCD and Twittering on his iPhone while watching G4.

    P.S. I probably just insulted half your readers, huh.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..Pleskoed

  19. i’m not a big fan of the milk anyway.

    as for your “whoops” on twitter, i can relate, and i usually throw my whole body instead of just my foot. life goes on and no one person should take themselves too seriously. (remind me of that at your leisure next time i’m bitching about something stupid.)

    piglet’s last blog post..learning enough to be dangerous

  20. For Pete’s sake you can’t put a fucking whale on your arm and then get all sensitive. Whale up! Or something like that.

    I hate when I hear myself say, “Come on…let’s roll!” to the kids. My dad used that expression all the time and now the terrorists have ruined it for me.

  21. Is it a war on organic dairy? Like The Organics of Mass Destruction?

    Between you and me (and shh let’s keep it our little secret), I went on a date with a boy…he kissed me; and I said (out loud) “Well, um, that was awkward.” Foot Lodged Firmly In Mouth.

    Sorry about your ankle.

    Deidre’s last blog post..“Nowhere and Quizno’s”

  22. Milk sponsored one of the break-out snacks at BlogHer with those amazing cookies. I have a price and milk found it. I’m easily bought.

    xoxo, SG

  23. *Avoiding the horrible milk truck*
    Speaking of worst tatoos, the worst I ever saw was a lady who had a giant penis tatooed on her ass (yes, penis was going into her asshole). See, it pays to be a nurse after all.

  24. Now I’m all paranoid that the lady with the penis ass tatoo will read this and get offended, and then I’ll be an asshole.

  25. Um…yeah..like the time (er…yesterday) when I met my new neighbor the first time and was telling this whole long charming story about something that doesn’t really matter now and part of my punchline involved the phrase “tramp stamp” and her face changed, and she turned around, leaned over and picked up her kid and…well…I too, am an asshole.

    And my husband said something like, “Why do I let you out of the house?”

    And I am so getting my lawn set on fire this week.

    Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s last blog post..Understanding Fat Cells

  26. The title of the post got me laughing so you mighta coulda stopped there … okay so I’m “kinda” easily entertained but just “kinda” like the title of the post.

  27. Here’s the thing. If you’re a big dork, and get a dorky tattoo, you need to hear it. I am talking to anyone with a logo tattoo, or a cartoon character, or somebody’s name. You’re dumb. I mean it. Hear me now!!!
    What if in a couple years, you decide you are overwhelmed with whatever your tattoo is. Like everyone you know at every gift giving opportunity buys you Tweety Bird stuff because, “She loves TB so much she has a tattoo of it on her ass” (A girl in my high school did that). So then you start to hate Tweety Bird because everywhere you look there is that damn yellow bird. But you’re stuck. Unless you pay big bucks to have it removed or tattooed over. You’ll forever be reminded of the time you were obsessed with Tweety Bird.

    Thank you for letting me lose my mind.

    Woodlandmama’s last blog post..Maybe I should go back to 1964!

  28. Oh, but I do have to say to MommyTime that once a cable ad seller walked into our work to sell us ad time and handed us a presentation and somewhere in it said that our key demographic was “FLEEING from cable to network television.”

    Woodlandmama’s last blog post..Maybe I should go back to 1964!

  29. Maybe the whole “let’s roll” thing is purely a trucker term that the 9-11 people somehow knew. So it’s one of those things that the truckers kinda got it stolen from them and now they are trying to slowly take back by camoflauging (I have no idea how to spell that) with milky goodness talk.

    The whole fail whale tattoo thing is really weird. I Twitter but I don’t Tattoo. and even if I did both I wouldn’t mix the two. Just seems really scary…

    Mr. Noodle

    Mr. Noodle’s last blog post..Laugh Quota…

  30. If you need another foot to put in your mouth, I’ll totally lend you mine. I kinda have a foot thing. Not like a foot VD or and STD or is it STI now because STD is too scary a word to tell teenagers when you’re trying to prevent them from catching themselves some garbage dick so we’ve got to soften it to Infection, which sounds light and fluffy like unicorns and rainbows, except they’re unicorns and rainbows with knives in your under-bits? I dunno. Either way, no, I don’t have metatarsal warts, I have a totally DIFFERENT sort of foot thing. And would totally let you suck on my toes stick my feet in your mouth if you needed to. Because I love you, and I like to help.

    I’ll go now.

    Mr Lady’s last blog post..It’s Official…I Am Thirteen Years Old

  31. I think this whole milk truck debacle is unfortunate but explainable:

    Dude drives milk truck. Milk truck already has fancy, shiny, milk-products decal. So pretty! Then dude driving truck decides he wants to pay homage to 9/11 victims so he buys his own, “Let’s Roll” flag decal.
    THEN HE SUFFERS FROM UNFORTUNATE DECAL PLACEMENT by putting it right over the milk junk. Instead of, you know, on the side of his truck or something. (Although maybe there are some kind of regulations governing this. I have no idea.) Either way, once the Dairy Board gets wind of this (and they will now, thanks to this post) they’re gonna slap his ass so fast with a “Cease & Desist” order he won’t know what hit him or his milk truck.

    Got Brains?

    Lesley’s last blog post..Although Really? It’s Just Two Letters Away From “Suck Ass”

  32. I stick by my comments on the tat. It’s lame. End of story. Get the matching 404 on forehead, ‘brain not found.’ His kids will love the tat in 20 years when twitter is a faded memory and he has to explain what it is and why he thought it was an awesome thing to do. Maybe it’s appropriate that he got the fail whale…

    Jim’s last blog post..Bloggity Conundrum

  33. Who gets a Fail Whale tattoo unless they are high? I mean that isn’t cool or sexy or going to get you laid. It is going to get people to point and laugh and make fun of you. Which is exactly what happened here as it should have.

    As for the milk truck, well, I am speechless. And anyone can tell you that freaking never happens unless I am hellishly high or passed out!

    Momma’s Tantrum’s last blog post..Advisement To The Golden Arches

  34. Lesley (comment #63) beat me to it. It seems that some truckers are allowed to decal their own trucks. I’ve seen a lot of religious decals on commercial trucks, although not unfortunately juxtaposed with corporate logos the way this one is.

  35. I think – I hope I’m wrong – that BIG MILK, might be suggesting that the courage, etc displayed on those who took down that flight (am cringing as I write this) CAME from DAIRY products. Which is to say, BIG MILK things I may as well stop teaching my kids to think for themselves, think on their feet, think, think, think, be brave, take action and try, try, try & just give them a cheese stick instead.
    That is not my plan.

    I’m horrified I that I think I even understood what BIG MILK meant. Please don’t hate me. I may switch to SOY now, perhaps I will receive different, better messages.

    Karen’s last blog post..Other People Exist

  36. Big Milk = FAIL. Fucktards.

    Fail whale tat makes me really happy that every tat place in walking distance was closed the night I got really shit faced and thought a tat of Kermit the farking frog was a good idea. If they would have been open that night, then today I’d have a tat of Kermit on my hip.

    WhenSheWorePonytails’s last blog post..Fuck the bright side

  37. We saw one of those tanker trucks pull up to the entrance of Legoland when we got there and were a little nervous, like, wtf? that doesn’t seem right! And then realized it was full of fish for their aquarium. I was ready to pull out my super deluxe post-9/11 gas mask we were all told to buy in case the tanker was some sort of explosion waiting to happen. This is a normal worry, right?

  38. Um. Please never doubt my ability to make a “funny” (some people see it as rude and/or inappropriate) comment at any occassion.

    I think you can safely assume that “Let’s Roll” is in reference to 9/11 considering it’s right under a rippling ‘Merican Flag. I suppose the lesson is that…American milk is better than European milk…? Because we might get…Mad Cow disease?

    And I love the Fail Whale. Love the idea, love the tattoo, love your inadvertent bitchiness.

  39. Wow. Wow. Wow. The Milk people really need to see this post. The BIG Milk people. Stunning.

    Did I ever tell you about the time I wrote an article about a guy in a giant pizza slice costume who was sent by the milk advisory board to do cash giveaways in pizza joints — to highlight the fact that people were eating pizza with “real California cheese” on it? I know, it takes too long to even explain. Head hurts.

    Anyway, I spent the day with him and the guy asked me to take pictures of him in a strip club in the pizza suit. He’d been in a van with that suit, alone, for two weeks already, on tour. These are the things one comes up with, apparently.

    He told his handlers what we’d done, and the milk people totally freaked out, so I didn’t end up getting to use those photos (or mention the strip club) in the article, but now that I’m a breastfeeding mom, I think the pics would have been SO ON POINT.

    Missed opportunity. That’s all I’m saying, milk marketers.

    Julie @ the calm before the stork’s last blog post..blog broken

  40. Hmmm… and Twitter has just pulled the plug on Yerp”, so that Twitterers (Twats?) outside of Merka have no idea what’s really going on. Coincidence? Probly.

    Thank Al Gore we still have the interwebs!

    P.S. I got the “Let’s Roll” / 9-11 thing right away. Do I win a prize?

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Random Crap

  41. All they mean is they want you to drink milk and eat dairy so you’ll have strong teeth and bones, THEN, you can get a crate of Charmin and go roll the terrorists’ houses.

    Do they have trees in their front yard?

    Robin ~ PENSIEVE’s last blog post..Sing a rainbow

  42. All I have to say is that I am laughing hysterically and it is good for the country for us Americans to laugh and be merry so I think that your post and all your foot in mouth faux-pas are actually very patriotic and you deserve some kind of commendation. So there.

    Petra aka The Wise (*Young*) Mommy’s last blog post..The Definition of Death

  43. I know I can’t be the only one who remembers Gee W saying, “Let’s roll” as part of a pep talk he gave to the people of NY. Remember? Then a whole bunch of companies decided to put that slogan on their trucks to symbolize the American spirit. For a couple of years, I saw them all over the place. Not so much anymore.

  44. well we just won’t talk about the fail whale vibrator then will we – they might be on twitter as well.

    and i’m not even touching the let’s roll Big Milk thing, although that’s a really weird looking canister thingee with the little red phallic thing pointing up at the flag – is it giving the flag the bird? i’m confused and will shut up now.

    Gina (@amoxcalli on Twitter)’s last blog post..Arroz con pollo

  45. I blogged this a while back but it fits here:

    After 9/11/2001, my always very patriotic patriotic father turned super patriot, when I mentioned that a local store had a display of flags on sale after the attacks he said, “Anyone who doesn’t own an American Flag already should be shot”. This was followed by my sister delivering perhaps the only funny thing ever said about 9/11:

    “The way he’s reacting you’d think they attacked the Hustler building.”

    will betheboy’s last blog post..Chat Recap #10

  46. You know, you should post all 10 of the first comments and then you’d never need to feel anxious.

    Yes, I would be a great person to have around the day after a disaster.

    And back to the topic at hand…um, I really have nothing to say about Sept. 11 or a weird ass twitter tattoo. Some people collect string.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Stalkers!

  47. I think “Big Milk” is totally fitting. Afterall nowadays there’s just about as much crap in conventional milk as there is in cigarettes.

    And I’m totally with you on the Fail Whale tattoo. It’s a VERY bad idea. Who would do that??? Honestly, dude.

    (Boy, I sure hope the same guy that busted you on Twitter isn’t going to bust me here in your comment section. On the other hand, I have a right to free speech. And he has a right to lame-ass tattoos. So we are all set.)

    Elisa’s last blog post..Take me to the fair… or NOT!

  48. jennydecki’s comment made me lol. once again it appears I defy convention by living in the bisection created by body art and tweeting.

  49. For some reason I think “Big Dairy” would be even better.

    I’m also wondering if the Beamer family is getting royalties for that phrase from Big Dairy.

    Because I am nothing if not crass and materialistic.

  50. I don’t know anything about the truck, but I’ve decided I’m some kind of freak because I think the tattoo is cute.

  51. So, I had a real comment planned. But then I saw a link for Stockholm Syndrome in the BlogHer ad links, and for some reason, it made me laugh. Then I couldn’t figure out why in the hell I would laugh about Stockholm Syndrome. And so now I’m just going to hit submit comment.

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..The Ho Bath

  52. I didn’t even know “let’s roll” was associated with 9-11. Guess because I was too busy trying to recover from being there and watching folks jump to their deaths oh and there was the whole running to save my life bit too.

    But on a lighter note – haha on the fail whale tattoo a reminder to be careful when tweeting!

    Mekhismom Aka Renée’s last blog post..The Love of a Child

  53. I don’t drink milk. Or twitter. Or have any tattoos. But I do like whales. And I fail a lot. And I am at least a tiny bit thankful that it was Big Milk and not Brunswick that hijacked the “Let’s Roll!” phrase because if Brunswick had adopted it instead we’d all have to stop bowling out of protest and who would want that?

  54. “Big Milk” heh…..I think they had some fill in doc at the kids’ peds convinced that milk kicks serious butt because when she was talking about how my kids don’t get enough of it she used Jazz hands when referring to “The magical powers of Milk”

    domestic extraordinaire’s last blog post..Do you like Crocs?

  55. PS. Yes. “Big Milk”. You call tobacco companies “Big Tobacco” so you would call the milk companies “Big Milk”.

    Actually, I prefer “Big Cheese”.

    “Let’s Roll…” – Big Cheese

    It just *sounds* right, somehow.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Moving Monday

  56. Pingback: Her Royal Bloggess
  57. Is it disgustingly giggle-worthy that the comment of the day was written by Karl? Anyone? Just me? Okay. *Giggle*

  58. You know maybe they wanted to do something to honor 9/11 but at the same time leave the ad for what their company is based on. You’re not very bright are you?

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: