I may have stepped over the line here.

I just read that today is Blog Action Day and thousands of bloggers around the world are coming together to do…stuff.  I don’t know the details because I got kinda bored and started downloading p0rn.  Did you know that there are entire sites devoted to amputee fetishes?  And even weirder, most of the pictures don’t even have real amputees, and the fully-limbed models are clearly photo-shopped by horrifically untalented people.  Like, here’s a hint:  Maybe if you’re going photo-shop an amputated stump onto someone maybe it should be someone who isn’t already famous for having legs, like Angelina Jolie.  Not that she’s famous for having legs but she’s famous and I think we’d all hear about it if she lost a limb, photo-shoppers.  A willing-suspension-of-disbelief can only get you so far.  Like maybe you could pick someone who’s been out of the lime-light for awhile, like Tara Reid or Barbara Bush.   I mean, I’m not personally into the whole amputee thing but that doesn’t mean the sick freaks who do don’t have the right to quality amputee p0rn.  It’s called compassion.  I have it. 
  
Okay, I just went to the Blog Action Day site and apparently your post is supposed to be about poverty and not about the importance of quality amputee photo-shopping, which seems a little closed-minded for an organization that’s supposed to be about helping people.  But fine, here’s a video about water buffaloes that is awesome and is full of poverty and made me cry and has very little to do with amputees.  And by “very little” I mean “pretty much not at all”.  Unless maybe the camera man is an amputee.  Which is entirely possible because those people can do anything. 

[protected-iframe id=”d75608af7934ebf29b5d4dd38ca8d123-58006636-3982706″ info=”http://www.glumbert.com/embed/waterbuffalo” width=”448″ height=”336″]

PS.  I just saw that the Blog Action Day website is highighting some of the best posts out there.  I will be shocked if this one doesn’t make the cut ask them to remove all references to their organization from my blog.

Comment of the day: Wasn’t Hemingway’s first book all about amputee porn — “A Farewell to Arms.” ~ Always Home and Uncool

121 thoughts on “I may have stepped over the line here.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I just watched that video. Can I buy a round of Water Buffaloes for all the poor folks who could use one? Also, I think if you are an amputee and you have to resort to pimping out your severed limb for cash, you don’t get a Water Buffalo, but maybe a cane?

  2. All these little action days just seem like a nice way for the middle class to pat themselves on the back. I’ll stick with the water buffalo and you. 🙂

  3. I was a bit let down by the video. Even tho you said it had little to do with amputees, I assumed we’d atleast hear the amputee camera man masturbating off camera. Nothing. How do these people expect to get any attention without any sex in their videos? There’s a water buffalo… I think they missed an excellent opportunity to reach out to the beastiality voters. But I’m not really sure which election they are running for…

    King of Conleyworld’s last blog post..a little red hen

  4. I heard Angelina Jolie is donating the proceeds from sales of her fake amputee porn to poverty related charities so the Blog Action people are gonna be really happy with your post. GOOD FOR YOU!!!

  5. OMG you crack me the fuck up, yet again! I have spent so much time reading your blog through laughing tears it amazes me. You’re hysterical! Thanks for the great laughs!

  6. I honestly don’t know what so say other than I had no idea there was amputee porn. I thought it was special porn for amputees, not a fetish site. I was all, WTF? Why do amputees need their own porn. Also? If that bloggy organization drops you like an uneeded hand, then the porn people will gladly pick you up.

    jenboglass (steenky bee)’s last blog post..I Carried You in My Heart

  7. Angelina Jolie would just adopt somebody else’s stump.

    Everybody should celebrate Blog Amputee Day with a buffalo burger.

  8. Damn, I didn’t do anything about poverty or water buffalo or even ampurotica (I just made that up). Last thing I posted was talking dolls with subversive messages about early 70s R&B. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t count.

    Steve’s last blog post..“Ingram is Right”

  9. Best comment so far: “Wasn’t Hemingway’s first book all about amputee porn — “A Farewell to Arms.”” Better laughs than everything else combined.

    Say, do you suppose AJ has the electronic equivalent of a clipping service, that gives her links to everywhere her name appears? Bloggess! She could be reading your blog *right now* dude! 🙂

    karma_musings’s last blog post..Life Lessons

  10. So… is amputee porn something you just stumbled on during your usual porn downloading time, or did you wake up this morning and think, “You know, here’s something I’ve always wondered about and would like to further explore– exactly what do people who’ve unfortunately lost a limb or two yet are still fully realized human beings with wants and needs actually LOOK like when they have sex? And what would arouse them, specifically?” Because that kind of curiosity and compassion is awesome and should result in you getting your own The Bloggess Action Day, which should be like, a day in which all bloggers everywhere spend a day doing something they think the Bloggess would enjoy– like downloading amputee porn.
    And that, my friend, is called ‘full circle.’ See how I did that?

    Babybloomr’s last blog post..Photo Tuesday–Runaway Mom Trip to Chattanooga!

  11. I love you because it’s like you take all the bitchiness and randomisity and inappropriate comments out of my head and put them in your blog, only funnier and better written.

  12. MAN, and because I’m retarded (no, really, don’t make fun of me) I kept thinking it said blog AUCTION day and I was trying to figure out how the hell Auctions and Poverty went together. Are we auctioning off Amputee Porn to raise money for poor people? What is happening here?

  13. It’s their own fault if you stepped over their precious line, they should have marked it with fluorescent paint instead of chalk because you know that just washes away the first time it rains. Stoopid line.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..100 Things About Me

  14. shane_onegoodie: You never can tell. They can do just about anything with special effects. I saw a movie poster once where they made Keira Knightley look like she have cleavage. And then there’s that whole Jar Jar Binks thing (his tongue’s computer-generated, y’know). For all we know, Angelina Jolie could be some 60-year-old guy and a shitload of post processing.

    Steve’s last blog post..“Ingram is Right”

  15. I lulzed. And your post incites me to cross all over lines and say things like “Blog Action Day sounds like something for which one takes a whopping dose of metamucil and then live-blog hourly progress reports.”

    But I’m resisting.

    anne nahm’s last blog post..Channeling Grandma VonAsstrap

  16. Pingback: Duchess Jane
  17. Hmmm… I have to say I am not shocked about the market for amputee porn, good or otherwise. I might have been, before someone gave my aunt gave my husband midget porn for Christmas (their words on the box, not mine, Little People of America). I think she was expecting a reaction… but… he has seen it before… [sigh]

    I have nothing good to say on poverty, except a bum downtown is constantly trying to sell me a token. What the token is for, I don’t want to know.

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Search Engine Terms – Bringing ya back for more

  18. My father was a physical therapist at a hospital and he had all these books in the living room bookcase about amputees, with tons of photos. When I was a kid, I had one friend who used to come over and we would look at the Playboys from 1970 that my father had hidden in the back of his closet. I had another friend who ignored the Playboys and went right for the amputee books. I am still friends with this guy. He is still weird.

    Neil’s last blog post..A One Day Break From Arrogance

  19. I am still half asleep but from what I understand you cut the legs off a water buffalo and had sex with him? Am I somewhat correct?

  20. amputee water buffalos? not sure about this cause. oh, i am sorry, i must have had a brain freeze from the whirling dervishness of that post. you do make me laugh, woman!

    seriously, nothing wrong with grassroots fundraising initiatives going global on the blogosphere, but there is OH SO MUCH noise out there.

    i agree, comment #18 was great. and yes we all celebrate your bipolarity!

    amyz5’s last blog post..Campaign Voodoo-Op?

  21. Well damn–you made me cry. And who wants to start their day crying? (Yeah, yeah, it’s almost 10 in the morning and I’m just starting my day. Got something to say about it?)

    Real water buffalo and real family. You can’t beat that : )

    country mouse’s last blog post..and now some happy news . . .

  22. Little known fact, Angelina Jolie is entirely legless. The legs you think you see are either photoshopped or body doubled. It’s exhaustive and ridiculously expensive but it keeps Angie happy. And really, isn’t that what we all want? So what if it’s caused a global economic crisis? Angelina Jolie’s legless ass is happy.

    michaeltadams’s last blog post..Yes. A new post.

  23. Jenny! What the hell are you doing surfing pr0n on Blog Action Day? Have you absolutely no clue?

    Seriously?

    Everyone knows the best day to surf pr0n is on a Sunday while most people are at church.

    For some reason the download rate is much quicker. I wonder why?

    Silly girl. tsk

    Dave Fowler’s last blog post..Setting My Stall Out

  24. There are lots of poor amputees in the world judging from the work of the late Princess Di and the ex-Mrs. Sir Paul Beatle, so perhaps there is hope for this post.

    Annie’s last blog post..Best Laid Plans

  25. I think amputee porn is the perfect way to draw attention to poverty so real amputee porn models, ones who surely got into the biz due to lack of fundage, might get some bloggosphere attention.

    That we all rise up and clamor REAL AMPUTEES IN AMPUTEE PORN ! and perhaps their lives will be less poverty stricken due to a flourishing job market.

    fidget’s last blog post..Work at home job goes awry

  26. I wonder if our government should bail out the struggling amputee porn model sector. I mean, geez, it couldn’t take more than a few billion dollars, right? It’s not like they’re not a deserving part of the economy too.

    Ooooh, and we could pay the whole bailout in buffalo nickels!

  27. Apparently there is a world of online porn (because this would be hard to pull off in real life) called “Centaur”, where people’s bodies are photoshopped onto animals. Like horses. Or water buffaloes. Maybe next time it’s Blog Action Day, you could do a little something for all the poor fake-amputee-water-buffalo-legs-porn-stars?

    rebekah’s last blog post..Yoga people, meet Forces of Nature I and II

  28. I bought a water buffalo at christmas time and some chickens and a goat for Humanity whatever- Now you are saying they are symbolic! Bollocks! DANG! Love this post- proves that if you want a job done well you bloody well have to do it yourself!

    lindasue’s last blog post..Janet’s Jack-o-lantern

  29. Oot of ALL the Blog the Poverty or whatever blogs that I read today, yours is my absolute favorite. Thanks for that! 🙂

  30. Well some of the amputee people of the world ARE poor. It isn’t always the rich ones who pose for porn. For all you know you could have single handedly spawned a desire amongst the masses for just this type of porn. In doing so you could have created numerous future jobs for unemployed and yet still sexy amputees. You should be given an award! You have done your duty….and all I’ve written about today was streetwalkers. I feel unworthy.

    Tressa Bailey’s last blog post..Ask A Streetwalker

  31. Wikipedia defines poverty as “deprivation of common necessities that determine the quality of life” and everyone knows Wikipedia is never wrong. And limbs being pretty common and somewhat necessary, could lead one to argue that your post is in the true spirit of Blog Action Day and everyone knows that the innernet loves to argue. Hence and therefore, you are right and Blog Action Day is totally about Amputee Porn. Afterall, what else is there?

    Bella’s last blog post..The randomness of Thursday… try to keep up

  32. ah! Water Buffalo!
    Yesterday one of my coworkers was getting grilled by someone on the phone. When she hung up and complained about being reamed I asked her “Did you ask him if he ever owned a Water Buffalo? Cuz if you had, your conversation would have taken an entirely different turn!”
    I loves me some Water Buffalo!

    Aunt Evolity Unleashed’s last blog post..There’s a Sex Offender on Our Street

  33. There are lots of amputee porn stars out there starving and no one has a benifit dinner for them!?!
    I once found a fetish web site for men who like there women to do things to their bottoms with strap ons, but they swear they arent hot for gay butt love.

    Fill’s last blog post..I like to curse…..

  34. Poverty and amputee porn? Totally related….who’s more poor than someone who cannot afford a freaking leg or arm?
    And think of all the mannequins wasting space in department stores. I am totally going to steal some mannequin legs and give them to amputees. But first I wll spray paint them orange so they can have a tan.

    Jacqueline’s last blog post..And so it begins

  35. Woah. That video was awesomely cool. I never watch entire videos, but I watched this one – and you know why? It was the juxtaposition of the poverty of the Chinese farmers against the sick fucking weirdos who Photoshop the limbs off movie stars and then spank their wank to them.

    I’m sure those two things are related in some cosmically karmic way, but I’m not deep enough to figure it out.

    Kat’s last blog post..I Drive My Kid Crazy

  36. Dear Bloggess

    I firmly disapprove of amputee porn. I believe all porn should be puteed.

    p.s. I luvvv you. The droolie-I’ve-just-had-bourbon kind.

    p.p.s. So does my sister. Who posted before I did. But I put her on to you. You should know that. Cause five years after Buffy she refused to acknowledge that I put her on to that too. So I’m getting it into writing now and you are my witness. But I’m airing family issues now.

    p.p.p.s. I got my sister to start a blog using you as bait. Cause I thought she was as funny as you. If you have a spare moment between porn surfing you should check her out: http://www.bellanz.blogspot.com

    Thank you for the laughs .. we dig it downunder.

    girlorbital’s last blog post..Nifty Gadgets

  37. Think of all the poor people who are going to land on this blog post after searching for amputee porn, and all they find here is a video full of ugly poor people and a water buffalo, with nary the hint of a missing limb in sight.

    Those are the people I feel sorry for. It’s about managing expectations.

  38. Um Hi,
    I just started reading your site and I think you are super. You might be a wee bit crazy, but I think I like that about you. I will wait in line to get your book when it comes out. Keep it up

  39. LMAO. One of my favorite publishing stories is about a picture of a little kid who was pointing at something with his index finger and if you looked closely and turned the book sideways, it might just look like he was shooting something with his finger, which of course made everyone at the co. I worked for FREAK. We can’t have a kid shooting something in a book! So what did we do? Graphically amputate him. Tch.

  40. (1) I love that there’s a word in Chinese that means “I’m not emotionally prepared to handle this right now.” That’s so advanced. How come we don’t have a word like that? (2) I’d love to see these wealthy Americans actually follow up on the many water buffaloes and/or chickens they have, in fact, purchased in recent years. Stolen? Murdered by jealous and equally needy neighbors? Died in a flood? Sold to pay for the family’s *actual* needs, about which their wealthy benefactor failed to inquire? (3) Why did the mother in that family kill herself?? Doesn’t sound like a stable environment in which to place a poor defenseless water buffalo. (4) I don’t care about porn, amputee or otherwise.

  41. I remember the first computer porn pic I was ever sent over our dorm network was called “Stumpy”. Well, not “porn-as-in-people-having-sex”, but “porn-as-in-nude-picture”.

    She was smiling so big it was difficult not to appreciate her art.

    I will never forget Stumpy. But, and I don’t want to blow your mind or anything, and it’s not Stumpy or amputee p0rn or anything and I totally had this one forwarded to me and did not in any way go looking for it and please don’t look at it or if you do please don’t hate me for telling you about it although you will probably want to rip your eyes out and throw them at me for it….

    Tubgirl. I won’t link.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..I’m Keeping the Notebooks.

  42. You had me at “hello”. Then I read the BHJ interview and add BHJ to my favs (but he didn’t make the cut in time to get linked through “addiction”), and now I love you even more! Thanks for clarifying that boys in Texas date squirrels. I always wondered.

    Fran’s last blog post..A new level of discipline

  43. every time i hear the word water buffalo i think about that line in fletch when chevy chase knocks on the girl’s door, she opens it wearing only a towel and he says, “excuse me ma’am. can i borrow your towel? my car just hit a water buffalo.”

    am i the only one who thinks that’s fucking hilarious?

    shauna’s last blog post..that karma, she’s a bitch

  44. I’m SURE you aren’t “into” amputee porn… but for some good kicks you should look up nugget porn. No- it’s not McDonalds chicken nuggets made to look like they are doing it, it’s WAY more entertaining, and you will feel slightly awkward watching it because you are unsure it that should be legal.

  45. Over three years later, and Angelina Jolie is TOTALLY famous for having legs. Or at least, one of them. So in a weird way, it’s almost like if she lost the other one, maybe we wouldn’t all hear about it, so maybe the photoshoppers were on to something.

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