So on my last post I was celebrating the fact that I’m practically the 3,500th best blogger in the world and I got a comment from A Free Man who said:
“Can I just say, largely because I’m a pedant, that you misspelled ‘sophomoric’ and I really expect more from the 3,500th best blogger in the world.”
So I asked my coworker (Tracy) how to spell “sophmoric” and he totally spelled it the same way I do and I was all “This child molester thinks it has another ‘o’ in it” and Tracy was all “Child molester?” and I was like “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what ‘pedant’ means.” But then I pulled up the dictionary and it turns out I’d confused “pedant” with “pederast” and also that I’ve been spelling sophomoric wrong my entire fucking life. Then Tracy was like, “Back up, did that just say ‘spermobile’?” and I was totally not falling for it but he insisted that it said “spermobile” on the dictionary’s list of similar words. So then I clicked back and it turns out that it didn’t say “spermobile” because that word doesn’t actually exist (although if it did it’d probably look like the Oscar Meyer Wiener truck) and that the word he’d actually seen was “spermophile“, which was kind of even more unsettling.
Apparently it literally means “sperma lover”, which was mystifying enough by itself but apparently Webster’s thought, “Oh we can make this even more fucked up” because right underneath it they wrote: “GROUND SQUIRREL”. Which, first of all…what the fuck? And secondly…why is it in caps?
I mean, technically the word “sperm” is interchangeable with “seed” and I guess squirrels like seeds but it doesn’t change the fact that this is both fucked up and also pretty much the best word ever invented because now if I have to call someone a filthy whore I can just be like “You are a humungous ground squirrel!” and they’d probably be too baffled to knife me. Unless they went home and looked up the definition for “ground squirrel“. Then I’m totally fucked.
Comment of the day: I totally knew how to spell sophomoric, but I didn’t know that it’s been ground squirrels making me sleep in that wet spot at night. ~Twenty Four at Heart