Sperm: Apparently squirrels can’t get enough of the stuff

So on my last post I was celebrating the fact that I’m practically the 3,500th best blogger in the world and I got a comment from A Free Man who said:

 “Can I just say, largely because I’m a pedant, that you misspelled ‘sophomoric’ and I really expect more from the 3,500th best blogger in the world.”

So I asked my coworker (Tracy) how to spell “sophmoric” and he totally spelled it the same way I do and I was all “This child molester thinks it has another ‘o’ in it” and Tracy was all “Child molester?” and I was like “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what ‘pedant’ means.”   But then I pulled up the dictionary and it turns out I’d confused “pedant” with “pederast” and also that I’ve been spelling sophomoric wrong my entire fucking life.  Then Tracy was like, “Back up, did that just say ‘spermobile’?” and I was totally not falling for it but he insisted that it said “spermobile” on the dictionary’s list of similar words.   So then I clicked back and it turns out that it didn’t say “spermobile” because that word doesn’t actually exist (although if it did it’d probably look like the Oscar Meyer Wiener truck) and that the word he’d actually seen was “spermophile“, which was kind of even more unsettling.

Apparently it literally means “sperma lover”, which was mystifying enough by itself but apparently Webster’s thought, “Oh we can make this even more fucked up” because right underneath it they wrote: “GROUND SQUIRREL”.  Which, first of all…what the fuck?  And secondly…why is it in caps?

I mean, technically the word “sperm” is interchangeable with “seed” and I guess squirrels like seeds but it doesn’t change the fact that this is both fucked up and also pretty much the best word ever invented because now if I have to call someone a filthy whore I can just be like “You are a humungous ground squirrel!” and they’d probably be too baffled to knife me.  Unless they went home and looked up the definition for “ground squirrel“.  Then I’m totally fucked.

Comment of the day:   I totally knew how to spell sophomoric, but I didn’t know that it’s been ground squirrels making me sleep in that wet spot at night. ~Twenty Four at Heart

144 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Just when I was ready to write this off as officially the worst pi star ampersand day EVER, you totally bring your Bloggessy goodness and salvage the whole damn thing. Bonus? I’m so ragging KD @ A Bit Squirrelly about her sperm-loving ways from now on.

    WaltzInExile’s last blog post..Indoctrination

  2. I like sperm. Just throwing that out there.

    Mr Lady’s last blog post..I Would Totally Buy a Q*Bert Costume

  3. I knew a guy in high school who had a spermoblie, and he was always acting sophormoric. Come to think of it, he was always grabbing his nuts. I think ground squirrel would apply to him as well.

  4. lololololol. I am laughing my (considerable) derriere off here.
    Which, come to think of it, might be the answer to my chocolate problem, but would give me considerable wardrobe problems, not to mention that the rest of my family is asleep. It is a school night, you know.

    Anyway, where do you come up with this stuff?

    I will never be able to watch the squirrels in my yard the same way again.

    And can you imagine if I’m running them off from the bird feeder, and I yell, “Go away, you spermophiles!”, and my daughter repeats that at school, what kind of trouble I will be in?

    kristin’s last blog post..Just Do It!

  5. You make me laugh my freaking head off … this blog post beats the heck out of all the prop 8 junk I’ve been bashing around in my head … spermophile … the smile lingers.

    mrs b roth’s last blog post..Can You Say “Suck-Up?”

  6. I can’t believe blogher won’t run their ads on my vagina site but you can go all spermophilia and they hang with you. Even though you’re the 3500th best blogger on planet earth, it’s still total bullshit. I’m getting pissed just typing about it. I’m totally smashing these letters. I’m so pissed!


    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Dragon

  7. Maybe talking about vaginas is over the line, BHJ? I’m just talking about seeds. Seeds are totally okay.

  8. 8
    Danielle (distinctlydrl on twitter)

    Here in the country people call chipmunks ground squirrels. I have no idea why and when I was I kid I thought a ground squirrel was some exotic animal. (then one day a chipmunk ran by and someone said “hey – a ground squirrel!”)

  9. I can’t top this post or the comments. They’re all freakin’ hilarious.

    Rhea’s last blog post..Why are there flowers in their pants?

  10. I just learned like ten new words, and how to spell sophomoric.

    anymommy’s last blog post..Two Paths Diverged

  11. GROUND SQUIRREL demands attention. Do not even TRY to fuck with it.

  12. We have a rampant squirrel population in my neighborhood. This explains a lot. Thanks, Bloggess!

    Cara’s last blog post..A Letter

  13. I’m totally going to use Spermophile the next time I want to call someone a really bad word, and then when they get offended I can say, “Haha, you uneducated loser, I just called you a ground squirrel, what are you all up in arms about?!”

    Spermophile would also be a great name for a band.

    Kat’s last blog post..I Drive My Kid Crazy

  14. Well, it seems that your spelling is flawless today. There may be an issue with “coworker” versus “co-worker”, but let’s let that slide. In celebration, I would like to quote a movie that I believe you to be a fan of as well:

    The Dude: Fuckin’ Quintana… that creep can roll, man.
    Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he’s a pervert, Dude.
    The Dude: Yeah.
    Walter Sobchak: No, he’s a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.
    The Dude: Oh!
    Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.
    Donny: What’s a… pederast, Walter?
    Walter Sobchak: Shut the fuck up, Donny.

    A Free Man’s last blog post..In Defense of Dads

  15. Ohhh my. I actually love you. Whoever thought you were only number 3,500 clearly needs a headcheck or maybe a frontal lobotomy so they can’t spread any more of their taste (or lack thereof).

    Miss Milk’s last blog post..Muck-Up Day (UPDATED)

  16. And I always wondered why squirrels were checking me out. It always freaked me out.

    Jim Gaudet’s last blog post..How to say I Love You over the Internet…

  17. I think this is the post that will actually cure cancer. congrats.

    always buddy’s last blog post..tuesday on my mind

  18. I love pedants and their ilk.

    Really, when you think about it, its just another way of saying “knit-picker”, isn’t it?


    Main Entry:

    Middle French, from Italian pedante

    1.obsolete : a male schoolteacher
    2.a: one who makes a show of knowledge
    b: one who is unimaginative or who unduly emphasizes minutiae in the presentation or use of knowledge
    c: a formalist or precisionist in teaching

    And, don’t feel too bad about “sophomoric.” You probably didn’t get wind of that word until 10th grade, which would be more like, what?, half your fucking life ago. Right?

    And, no one will ever be able to call you a pedant because, even though you are knit-picky–using the dictionary and all–you are so fucking imaginative that you are the anti-pendant, in my humble opinion, that is.

    Needless to say, all of this is just an excuse to share the cyberspace that you occupy, the cyberair that you breathe, the cyberground you walk on.

    I love you, Jenny.

    You ARE The Bloggess!

    La Framéricaine’s last blog post..Tuesday’s Test…

  19. Yet another reason to pack up all the squirrels and send them to France.

    Jim’s last blog post..Awardified!

  20. This feels like one big practical joke.

    But like you said — you can’t make this up.

    Arjewtino’s last blog post..“Could you take my picture? ’cause I won’t remember…”*

  21. Anyone that corrects your spelling or grammar is a total ground squirrel.

    And I totally had to go back and spell ‘spelling’ AND ‘grammar’ properly for the Grammar Nazis and their bushy little tails…

    (psst, squirrels have tails, right?)

    Kelley’s last blog post..How about I call this ‘the one where Kelley tempts fate’.

  22. Ok, I was totally mad at my hubby and you made me laugh. Maybe I will call him a ground squirrel

    Jo~Jo’s last blog post..When The Kids Are Quiet

  23. Thank you for helping me to expand my vocabulary. I always learn the coolest shit crap here!

    Mahala’s last blog post..White Stuff, Tight Stuff and Hot Stuff

  24. Every time I hear “child molester” I now think of the creep that was trolling around the community pool where BHJ lives.

    Jeremy’s last blog post..Could it be?

  25. “So then I clicked back and it turns out that it didn’t say “spermobile” because that word doesn’t exist (although if it did it’d probably look like the Oscar Meyer Wiener truck)”

    Right now, a reality TV executive is reading this and dreaming up a new show, probably starring Ron Jeremy.

    Steve’s last blog post..Sandwich/Comedy/Kink Venn Diagram

  26. This post is supereducational. If I homeschooled my kids, I’d totally have them read it. Well, it and everything else on the internet, because I’d be busy being institutionalized.

    Marinka’s last blog post..Stroke Me Tender

  27. i can’t stop reading it. or laughing. and my boy is sitting across the table from me wanting to know what is so freakin’ hilarious but i don’t think i want to have that talk with him so i’m just pretending like i don’t hear him. oh and then i forwarded you to my sister b/c she spent awhile working with squirrels (wildlife rescue) & i figured she might want to know what she was exposed to for so long.
    i think i’m gonna go read it again.

    Brandi’s last blog post..white rabbit

  28. 28
    Just A. Reader

    Ground squirrel makes a hell of a meatloaf.

    Not that I grew up in the country or anything.

  29. There should totally be a spermobile. It could drive around and collect the specimens of men who are too self-conscious to go into the sperm bank but really need to get their counts checked and stuff. It might stand out too much if it looked like the Oscar Meyer Wiener truck, though. Maybe if it was camouflaged. You know, wrapped in brown paper or something. Yeah.

    Momma Trish’s last blog post..Smashing pumpkins – part deux

  30. Every time I come by here I learn something new. Spermophile? Ground squirrel? Is that best swished or swallowed?

    Renée aka Mekhismom’s last blog post..Word(less)Ful Wednesday

  31. I just want to say that while continuing to be a huge Bloggess fan, I believe I am now largely A Free Man’s biggest fan, sophomorically.

    P.S. No, Spellchecker, I am NOT referring to a “sophomoric ally”, I am writing as one.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..A conversation with D-: Balbo Drive isn’t far off the mark

  32. I like coming here because I learn something new every time. And it’s a lot more fun than watching the Discovery Channel… not that sharks and dead Egyptians aren’t cool, but c’mon. Ground squirrel? No contest.

    Sam (The Edge OF Insanity)’s last blog post..Here We Go Again

  33. can i just say, largely because i am a total ground squirrel, that you misspelled “humongous” and that only made this post funnier?

    k’s last blog post..*economic futility.

  34. I must be a total ground squirrel myself, because I just found out I’m knocked up again.

    Carrie’s last blog post..Why Did Yahoo Know About This Before I Did?

  35. Sophomore year, our class t-shirts had Sophomore spelled worng on them: it said “Sophmores on Safari” (our homecoming theme). Needless to say, we didn’t win that year.

  36. Well, if people can stick hamsters up their butt then it’s only fair that we return the favor in some way. If some of you men out there or “spermobiles-transporters of sperm” as I like to call them, need to satisfy some horny squirrels then you better get to hoppin. Like a rabbit. Why do they call it a rabbit? Cause of the ears?

    Tattooed Minivan Mom’s last blog post..It’s In MY Skin Bee-otch!

  37. i’m learning so much from reading your blog. and i can’t wait to put this new knowledge to use. 🙂

    kerry’s last blog post..well, finally!

  38. And it has to be a GROUND one to differentiate it from a FLYING one, right?

    patois’s last blog post..Haiku: Gift

  39. At this point, I’ll never be able to look at either ground squirrels or regular squirrels (what’s the diff between chipmunks and squirrels?) again without laughing my ass off.

    amy’s last blog post..who would you invite to your election party?

  40. Squirrels are always digging for nuts in the yard and isn’t that generally where the sperms are kept? I’m shocked you didn’t know this.

    apathy lounge’s last blog post..Garanimals For Men: The Time Is Now

  41. I totally knew how to spell sophomoric, but I didn’t know that it’s been GROUND SQUIRRELS making me sleep in that wet spot at night.

    Twenty Four At Heart’s last blog post..Happy Contests!!

  42. Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. Only you could use the term “child molester” and actually have me laughing because of it. Now THAT is true talent! Have I mentioned yet that I love you? Because I do. In a purely platonic, non-lesbian way…

    Walking With Scissors’s last blog post..The “esh” Word

  43. Favorite post ever. I just looked across the room at my husband and called him a spermophile. I might get lucky tonight.

    Mrs. G.’s last blog post..Barb

  44. Slightly off-topic, but don’t you love Scott Adam’s term ‘cow-orker’ for coworkers? Ha ha, that’s pretty funny. Cow-orker. Cracks me up.

    goodfather’s last blog post..The Shed, Chapter 3

  45. I pictured a spermobile more like an object dangling from the ceiling, or something you hang from a babies bed. Maybe it’s like a fertility doll? You hang it over your bed.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Theme Songs Of Our Lives

  46. Spermophile is good but virtually useless in a conversation. However I can proudly say (with relish) that I AM A SPERMOGRAPHER!

    Now THAT you can slip in to everyday conversation and let people think you’re a perv until they look it up at which point they just think you’re an idiot…

    Christina’s last blog post..Spiders ARE conspiring to take out bird population….

  47. As if I wasn’t already freaked out enough by squirrels because of the whole rabies tie-in. Now I have to picture them stuffing their faces with sperm every time I see one?

    Slowly but surely, your blog is totally ruining me.

    (Oscar Meyer Wiener Truck. SNORT.)

    Lesley’s last blog post..Actually, My Life IS Scary Enough That I Probably Should Be Peeing On Myself Way More Often Than I Already Am

  48. As a lurking pedantophile, I must point out that a ground squirrel is a groundhog, aka woodchuck, aka gopher, giant cousin to the tree squirrel of the busy tailness.
    And you do NOT EVER fuck with a groundhog. If you gopher a gopher, a gopher will gopher you.

  49. heh, *bushy* tailness

  50. I wonder if ground squirrel tastes better than squirrel steaks (which are rare).

    Really, though, would “nut lover” be much less crude in the wrongright hands?

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

  51. Today’s special offer: ground squirrel $2 per kilo. Warning: may contain nuts. And sperm.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Seven Random Things About Me

  52. I wonder what it means for my dog that he wants so badly to catch the sperm loving ground squirrels.

    Carolyn Online’s last blog post..I’m just an ex-Catholic girl doin’ my best.

  53. Ha – so that’s why they’re called nuts.
    Damn, check out the BIG BRAIN on Jenny!

  54. I feel like Webster’s is slowly turning into the Urban dictionary. I don’t know if I like that…

    gingela5’s last blog post..The Great Pumpkin…

  55. Where do you get this shit?!?!?!?!

    You HAVE to be my sista from anotha motha. lol.

    Avera Girl’s last blog post..I Need Your Vote

  56. So Sam says ground squirrels are actually groundhogs/gophers/whateverthe fuck. A friend once told me that jizz is high in calories. Ground squirrels and their ilk are such fat waddling things, and I think we now know why. Saucy little beggers.

    Kudos to you for unearthing this connection. I would also like to add that groundhogs can also be called “whistlepigs”, a term which never fails to crack my shit up.

    MsPrufrock’s last blog post..Freeze frame

  57. Who was the latin idiot that named a squirrel type with sperm in it? I’m just cringing from the grossophoric images in my head.

    And you know what? I hate people who correct my spelling. Blow me! It’s my blog.

    M@’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Peanut

  58. The commenter should have known better than to use a word that starts with “ped” because all of those words are synonyms for pedophile. All of them.

    Holmes’s last blog post..365 # 100: Aaron T.

  59. I will honestly never look at a squirrel the same way again. Men everywhere should thank god that the Greeks didn’t view squirrels as nut lovers.

    Daddy Joe’s last blog post..So THAT is what publish does?

  60. you had me at “Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what ‘pedant’ means.”

    wanna make out?

    ali’s last blog post..out of the mouths of the fruit of my loins.

  61. I wonder if that’s actually what’s in their bulging cheeks? It’s not nuts, but rather, what comes from nuts. And that would be sperm. And if we’re talking about critters with cheeks bulging with sperm, I wonder if chipmunks fall in that category too. And certain types of goldfish. And occasionally my neighbor. I will never look at nature the same way.

    And are you sure they’re talking about ground squirrel, as in squirrels from the ground? What if they mean ground squirrel. Like the kind you make squirrel patties out of and eat with a bun?

    Excuse me, I feel like I need to go wash my hands now.

  62. I’m not so sure about squirrels, but I know my cat used to go after my used condoms like they were halloween candy. Grossed my wife and I out enough to buy a trash can with a closing lid (which he still managed to pry open to get at his spermsicles).

    MPS’s last blog post..The Semantics of Poo

  63. Like pedometer. And pediatric. And peddle. And pediculate.

    I’ll shut up now.

    But I’m so happy to know that about the squirrels.

  64. I think it’s creepy when people refer to sperm as seed. Makes Children of the Corn seem more likely than I care to imagine. Consequently, I also don’t want to think about sperm the next time I order peanuts at an Astros game.

    Finally, as a gay man, I think you should be quite proud that I didn’t go after ALL of the wonderful opportunities that could have been had with nuts, sperm and squirrels. 🙂

    Urban Houstonian’s last blog post..Where Do We Go From Here

  65. Black Hockey Jesus was in my dreams last night and I realized where he got his name from. You see, I always thought it was JEEZ US but it turns out he’s half black/ half Mexican and its HEY ZEUS. He plays in an all black hockey league and the boys gave him the HEY ZEUS handle.

    In my dream he was actually the gay comic book militant from Chasing Amy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhGv79va21c and he was on his way to a comic book convention to spread the truth about Star Wars racist ways. He was very angry but had a fresh Soy Mocha Latte from Starbucks in his hand so he couldn’t have been THAT focused, if you ask me

    I know this has nothing to do with sperm or vaginas but I just had to get it out of my system

    Jason McElweenie’s last blog post..Mustaches For Kids Houston 2.0

  66. … yep.

    Cynical Nymph’s last blog post..Working From Home Is Prestigious

  67. Bahahahahahahaha damn that was funny.

    We had a similar issues with the word “inculcate” in a workplace document. I blogged it Monday.

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Can you use that in a sentence, please??

  68. Similar issue… not issues. I speaks good English… usually hehe

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Can you use that in a sentence, please??

  69. Waltz In Exile: OMG you are so mean….Gonna sick the squirrels on you now. And Lizzard.

    Srsly though WTH? Ground Squirrels and sperm…yeah.

    KD @ A Bit Squirrelly’s last blog post..Yeah, So you know that whole Stretchie-to-Six-Pack Thing?

  70. See, here’s where I’m a messed up pedant because when I read “ground squirrel” I immediately thought, “Like hamburger?” And dammit, now I want me some squirrel burger. Hold the sperm.

  71. That’s OK, Bossy still calls it, ” The Miriam Webster”, as in, “Hello, have you met my friend Miriam Webster? Not to be confused with Merriam Webster, the very notable dictionary?”

    BOSSY’s last blog post..Everything Bossy Knows About Foot Fashion She Learned From Endless.com.

  72. Mr Lady says:
    “I like sperm. Just throwing that out there.”

    I’m pretty sure there are laws about throwing sperm around in public. Just a heads-up. (Ha! Get it? Heads? Sperm? Ha…never mind.)

    Bridget – great observations, especially about the “certain types of goldfish.” Those must be the ones that are related to sperm whales.

    Speaking of sperm whales, wouldn’t it be easier to just call someone that instead of “you’re such a big fat ground squirrel?” Just a thought, since I’ve made the connection and all.

    Thanks for such a hysterical blog – and for having such cool readers that leave such thought-provoking (and obscene! yay!) comments.


    Danielle Bourgeois’s last blog post..Form-filling with Sxipper

  73. Maybe you shouldn’t advertise the meaning of ground squirrel, then, so you’re safe from potential knifers?

    Also, I listened to you on the radio show last night and it was really fun. You have such a cute/nice voice. I’m looking forward to your spray painting a wall blog.

  74. Squirrels like NUTS, too, so maybe….? Hmmm…. You’ve given us a lot to think about!

  75. This may be the funniest post I’ve ever read. And comments, too. But, ummm, not to be pedantic… I think you maybe misspelled “humongous.” {cringes and ducks}

    Goldfish’s last blog post..It’s the Really Ugly Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

  76. completely unrelated, but I have never misspelled jizzbag

    furiousball’s last blog post..value emptiness

  77. if it wasn’t for the sperm, i wouldn’t have so dang many kids… love it or hate it?

    stupid squirrels…

    wait… did that even make sense? and did you even get my twitter replies last night? or are you just ignoring me cause you don’t like me? i promise.. i don’t smell bad..

    churchpunkmom’s last blog post..10 Things Tuesday

  78. so that’s the reason for the recent proliferation of squirrels in my yard. I may need to take my sperm love down a notch or two.

    fidget’s last blog post..Why don’t you pull up a chair and sit a spell.. or 5 hours

  79. Deep sigh of relief: I just checked the humongous/humungous spelling. It can go either way. Now I just have to come to terms with my new knowledge of ground squirrels.

    Goldfish’s last blog post..It’s the Really Ugly Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

  80. So now I’m trying to decide if, in certain situations, I might take “ground squirrel” as a compliment. Maybe from my husband. It does sound a little better than “hamster,” which I would also assume to be a spermophile.

    I spelled “village” wrong for years… till I lived in an apartment complex called Bayhead Village,” and realized that all my rent checks were written to Bayhead Villiage. They still cashed ’em. Damn ground squirrels.

    Lori’s last blog post..The Long-Anticipated Walk

  81. Oh my God! I can’t believe that I have had a sister all these years and not known it!!! Apparently my brother, The Sasquatch, had a twin sister ripped away from us at birth (and apparently raised by lunatics). All those years being called the Elephant Woman could have been cut short had we only known. But I told him he can’t disown me as his sister because I would tell on him, so I think you are safe in your “family”. No need to let them know that you know you aren’t really their biological child.

    Oh, and I always wondered how our pet squirrel Sammy died …

    CarrieJ’s last blog post..107 My Hubby Loves Days of Our Lives!

  82. I wonder if one can suffer from spermophilia? And if so, what is it?

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..AFL-CIO’s Richard Trumka on Racism and Obama

  83. This might be the single most important revelation of my entire adult life. Thank you for bringing “spermophile” into my life!

    Cat’s last blog post..What You Wish For…

  84. I would love to see the sorts of google-search referrals that pipe into this post with combos like “sperm,” “pederast,” and “ground squirrel.”

  85. My parents will never visit again when I tell them I feed spermophiles in the front yard!

    Oh, and for the “ped” comment. I think they’ve come up with a pedicure.

  86. Holy fuck I about died laughing! ROFLMAO!

    I swear to god, I get wood everytime I see your blog light up on my reader. Wood in a totally-non-sexual-harrassment-and-or-stalk-y kind of way.

    Totally re-directing my traffic to this post. MUST READ !

    thedemigod’s last blog post..Sharing

  87. […] read this. It will SERIOUSLY make your […]

  88. Somebody should probabaly tell the squirells that they’ve been interested in the wrong kind of nuts all along.

    Georgette’s last blog post..Shut yo boppa.

  89. okay….so i had to look it up (just to make sure…cuz you can’t really believe everything you read on the internet) and that led to way too many other words that start with “sperm” and then my kids started reading over my shoulder and then they started asking “those” questions. thanks….thanks alot….

  90. Wasn’t your dad a taxidermist? Maybe you can find out if your father ever worked on one and then you can say to anyone bothering you “back off – my dad stuffed a spermophile”.

    Vamanos’s last blog post..El Papi!

  91. WOW. And, he did spell something wrong! In his latest post he spelled ms with a period. It’s not an abbreviation, therefore MS. is WRONG. He linked to me and that’s how I paid him back. And, after bragging that I was on your blogroll MS 3500, you have my site on their wrong. I should feel insulted.

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..PaReNtAl MiStAkE #3221

  92. I actually had to google “Sophomore” last night for my new post to check the spelling. Man, did I ever feel fucktarded. Glad to know I’m not the only one! bwahaha.

    “Ground Squirrel”? So using that.

    — Ki

    KiKi’s last blog post..Burnt Toast & The Summer of Love

  93. I came across your blog on TattooedMiniVanMom’s blog. Thanks for the laugh….I really needed it after the terrible weekend I had. 🙂


    Jamie’s last blog post..I’m sorry 🙁

  94. Just pee’d my pants. Again.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..Ghost of Halloweens Past

  95. i learn stuff here and I like it!

    amy’s last blog post..It can creep up inside you/And consume you

  96. You are oh so good for a laugh in the middle of a very boring work day! However the rest of the office is always wondering just what the hell I’m laughing at in my little cubicle!

    So is #90 trying to bring down the euphoria in here??

  97. Squirrels can’t be trusted. Everybody knows that.

    bejewell’s last blog post..Musical Flashback: Heaven 17

  98. Dudette, I totally stuck up for you just now over on Sneve’s blog. Your blood and drugs should be in the mail this afternoon. No sperm. Probably..

    david’s last blog post..Annuals Appear On Conan

  99. I always save you as my “blog dessert” and you never fail to leave a sweet, satisfied smile on my face. Party on, Garth!

    derfina’s last blog post..Trying something new

  100. Soooo, you never were a sophomore in high school. Just a 10th-grade chick who couldn’t spell. And who possibly had an interest in high-protein snacks? 😉

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Therapy

  101. I’m naming my rock and roll band Ground Squirrel.

    t2ed’s last blog post..It’s Time to Start the Music

  102. I read this and then went outside and totally had a philosophical discussion with a ground squirrel.

  103. Well, grab my rabbity-ass! You really are nuts!

    ang’s last blog post..I really should get out more!

  104. One time I decided I wanted to leanr a new word every day and I opened the dictionary to a random page to learn my first new word and the first one I didn’t know was esoteric and I spent the next week walking around saying this and that and esoteric blah blah blah and no one knew my new word. And then I found out I was totally mispronouncing it.

    Kristine’s last blog post..Where’s Waldo

  105. I pretty much wanna kick Webster and Merriam’s asses . I think they (or whoever) thought they were funny when they created words like (sophomoric) opthalmology and put that damn extra l in there. Who the hell besides an actual opthalmologist would know to add that shit.

    WM’s last blog post..When trying to be a bad ass bites me in the ass

  106. Don’t feel bad about the spelling. I once had ONE TINY spelling error in my lesson plans caught by my substitute – a former referee. To say I was abashed would be an understatement.

    Rikki’s last blog post..The best 2/3 day of my life

  107. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever written the word sophomoric or sophmoric in my entire life…

    Until now.

    tracey’s last blog post..Da Winner!!!!

  108. Dude, when you Twittered this I thought, “Are there squirrels pilfering used condoms from her trash?” But no, it was nothing like that.

    Kyla’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Unblemished Belly

  109. Your posts always make me LOL 🙂

    I’ll miss that when the Blog Bubble bursts.

    Happy Hour Sue’s last blog post..Why Dogs Hate Halloween

  110. I love this and I’m so going to start using it everywhere I can possibly fit it.

    You are BRILLIANT!! I can see you rising to at least 1500th any minute.

  111. Thank God I checked to see if you had a new post. I was just about to call someone a filthy whore, but ground squirrel is so much better. Filthy ground squirrel…that’ll teach her…

    The Stiletto Mom’s last blog post..Joe The Plumber, The Drinking Game

  112. Squirrels really suck.

    Dave Fowler’s last blog post..New Blog Of The Week

  113. Funny post! I hope all ground squirrels go to Wasilla! Speaking of squirrels, my hubby and I were having a romantic walk in the park during our 10th anniversary recently. On our walk he gave me a pair of gorgeous diamond earrings he bought from http://www.idonowidont.com and we saw tons of squirrels. We decided to spend the rest of the evening indoors from now on!

  114. This is fucking filthy! You should get demoted to “bloggette” for publishing this awful shit.

    muskrat’s last blog post..hey now, hey now, it seems it’s over

  115. All I had to read was the title of this post and I was laughing for 20 minutes. Okay it was really 10 but 20 sounds much better. It did however take me a while to get through the comments as I kept stopping to laugh my ass off.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: Halloween

  116. 116
    Just A. Reader

    I think they (or whoever) thought they were funny when they created words like (sophomoric) opthalmology and put that damn extra l in there. Who the hell besides an actual opthalmologist would know to add that shit.

    It’s even worse than that. It’s ophthalmology. Don’t you just hate spelling?

  117. My first boyfriend was Roget The Saurus. We didn’t last long – he didn’t understand Southern. Do you want to date girls?

  118. My dog fuckin’ hates squirrels. She tells me on good authority that the only thing squirrels love more than sperm is a good Cleveland steamer.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..The Friendly Skies

  119. I will look at squirrels completely different now. Thank you.

    Sara’s last blog post..The Age-Old Geek Question

  120. Great post… classic Jenny. It’s no wonder you’re the 3,500th best blogger in the world!

    Jeff’s last blog post..To buy or not to buy?

  121. Hee hee. I totally just laughed yogurt out my nose. Thanks!

    Ash’s last blog post..Big girl talk

  122. AH, thank you for the comment on my site. You are amazing. I love you — is that too open a confession of love? After all, we only know each other over the Internet — but then again, half the couples getting married these days only know each other from the Internet.

    Implications of that last sentence are NOT:

    -that I actually checked that fact about half of the couples getting married. I USED MY IMAGINATION


    -am asking you to marry me since we know each other over the internet. I mean, if you’re interested, SURE, but I’m pretty sure you’re already married and I’m soon-to-be-engaged to Michael Phelps as soon as we meet (in real life or over the Internet, I’m not particular), so I guess we’re both a little tied down right now, yes? Let’s make a deal, if we’re both 47 and single, we’ll get married over the internet, okay?

    I got carried away with my awe-struck-ness. Hopefully you think I’m sufficiently crazy now, but I’m not really worried about it, considering you once wanted to send your own blood wrapped in pot to someone to prove your friendship. I think I’m safely on the non-dangerously-crazy side…

  123. That was so hilarious! I had to sit here holding in my laughter.

  124. I’m totally going to start calling people I can’t stand ground squirrels from now on. Starting immediately.

    Jen W’s last blog post..A religious discussion about inappropriate touching.

  125. I can’t stop laughing!!! That is hilarious!! But then as i sit here laughing i start to think….don’t some people eat squirrel?? Just throwing that out there.

    Miss Blondie’s last blog post..A Not-So Secret Santa

  126. Sperm are hawt.

    Squirrels not so much. Especially the freaky ones I have in the big city where I live that are all polluted and radioactive and look all mangy and diseased and fubar. *shudder*

    trannyhead’s last blog post..Dear Tranny Head: Questions on Disrespect and Self-Destruction

  127. Dude, we totally get spemophiles in our house in the winter…little ones, but still. I’ve been trying to lure them out with peanut butter, but now I see I am probably using the wrong type of “substance” that comes from nuts. Noted!

    Mitzy’s last blog post..Bear Nukey Politics

  128. Can I just say, Spermophile is my new favorite word!

  129. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Not only did you crack me up, but so did your commentors! (ers?)

  130. It’s true. If you want to capture squirrels, you need a little pot full of sperm as a lure and a net rigged up behind it.


    Chris Wood’s last blog post..Quantum of Solace rocks

  131. Now I’m afraid of going outside and seeing a ground squirrel, and getting aroused.

    Neil’s last blog post..Giving Head

  132. Squirrels? I thought it was beavers.

  133. I thought you were kidding…I can’t believe this isn’t in the land of make believe.

    Robin ~ PENSIEVE’s last blog post..Be generous

  134. I followed a link from Gingla and I’m so glad I did….very funny stuff. Totally twisted…but that’s what I like! I’m really afraid I’m gonna be addicted…and I do not under any circumstances have time to read another blog…I sure hope you’re happy now that you’ve screwed up my life!

    nikki’s last blog post..WHY DON’T THEY MAKE THAT????

  135. Ha ha! I totally peed my pants a little bit when I read about the bullet-shooting samurai swords. Peed like a girl.

    goodfather’s last blog post..No revisions

  136. So now I know what happened to the fifth dentist in that Trident commercial. The squirrel wasn’t just confused about nuts.

  137. Jenny, it is posts like this one that remind me of how funny a blogger can be. I absolutely love it.

    Raging Dad’s last blog post..In others’ words

  138. A fine post. Not even soporiphic soporific. 🙂

    (referred by Ms. Derby via Twitter)

  139. Oops. I guess the strikeout tag doesn’t work. ;p

  140. Those freaking sperm lovin’squirrels!! seem to have confused the small gap in our roof for Heff’s place! I can’t sleep at night from all the squrirrel bootay calls!

    Lara’s last blog post..Stuff It! (first annual contest)

  141. i thought spermophiles was an ancient greek philosopher who was vehemently opposed to the concept of platonic relationships.

  142. Again with the laughing oddly and not-so-silently in a Professional Environment, but this time I made a weird snarfing sound when a Mexican family walked by me so probably they think I’m sort of racist.

    Thanks a lot.

    Denise recently posted salad.

  143. I have a high school biology teacher who used to run through the student parking lot in spring yelling, “There’s sperm on your car, there’s sperm on your car!” in regards to the pollen. I’m honestly not sure how he never got fired considering his complicity in the chem lab blow up that year… (probably because he was awesome)

    Meg recently posted Atlantic City Wedding!.

  144. Just thinking about murdering all those people makes me sleepy.

    I want to be on the coveted Bloggess Blogroll!

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