Today I started a diet and it’s not going well because I’m starving and I used to be really good at anorexia but I’m not anymore and all I can think about is mashed potato sandwiches, so I thought I’d visit some blogs to distract me and then this happened:
So then I left that comment and this word verification code popped up:
Also, today someone sent me an email telling me that God strangles a kitten every time I say “awesome” and I was all “There’s no way God has enough time to strangle that many kittens” but then I realized that God could probably multi-task like a mofo and that it’s probably some kind of sin to question his magical kitten-strangling abilities. Also, I’ve killed a lot of kittens. Apparently.
PS. This is my third post in three days. I am totally awesome drunk.
PPS. When I go to other people’s blogs theirs is all, “Look! A bunny!” and mine is all “God strangled your kitten”. I’m really shocked you people are still here. I don’t know what it says about the world that this blog is popular but it’s probably a sign of the apocalypse.
Comment of the day: I had a word verification the other day that said “tardo” and I was like, well, kind of. ~ Overflowing Brain
210 thoughts on “The internet wants me to be a super-fat shut-in, God hates kittens”
Read comments below or add one.
It would be like if I went to some site and the word verification code was “menstruation”. (cause I’m in menopause at TWENTY FUCKING NINE)
Rhi’s last blog post..Wherein I solve menopause
That’s hilarious and completely cruel all at the same time.
Marisa’s last blog post..Go to your womb.
Are you sure you haven’t got it backwards and it’s not God who wants you to be a super-fat shut-in and the internet that hates kittens?
Missives From Suburbia’s last blog post..Over Nine Months
That’s my excuse too. The Internet wants me to be fat.
Also a little crazy.
Heather’s last blog post..All Wrapped up for Christmas
I left a comment on a blog once and the word verification was “HEATHER.” My fucking name! I checked my computer and office for bugs and tracking devices.
heather…’s last blog post..What Goes Up…
Why do I feel like I am going to hell whenever I laugh at your blog? Why does this thought not bother me in the slightest bit?
Wow… I am also responsible for a lot of dead kittens. Awesome. Shit!
To be fair… I think my blogs are more like, “Look! A cute puppy in a t-shirt! My husband is a douchebag!”
So what is that? God strangling a marmoset?
Elizabeth’s last blog post..Can you use that in a sentence, please??
I’m pretty sure that is the single greatest thing I’ve seen so far in my blogging life.
Thank you, Bloggess. Thank you so much.
Caveman’s last blog post..Cheater Post
The internet wants you to move into my house so you can make me Pringles, Squid and Mashed Potatoes Sandwiches.
Must be capitalized though. No lame lowercase sandwiches.
(am also on diet. now craving squid.)
Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Parts of this poem are good
i’m allergic to cats
fidget’s last blog post..The secret to finding yourself
Strangled kittens, fruit tests, dead snakes, vending machine bugs, whatever. I will stay here FOREVER! (You know, since – in all honesty – I don’t really have anywhere else to go.)
Lesley’s last blog post..This Post Has A Dead Blog, State Politics, A Baby In A Festive Hat And A Lot Of Pairs of Boobs
Marinka’s last blog post..Fucked Up Catalogs
When I read your blog I feel guilty that my blog is all serious about law and finance and shit like that. But then I remember my twitter account where I’m tweet like I’d had a bottle of wine and share too much information. When people who follow me meet me in real life they are like wow, you are so funny/honest/refreshing – which I know means they think I’m freaking nuts. But still more people keep following me, so what does that mean about society?
I do get worried that my granddaughter will read my twitter posts and be upset. But then I remember that my granddaughter will be born in like 30 years and then we will be on internet 20.7 and she will be my genes and probably will also be a bit odd. Then I feel better.
Elizabeth Potts Weinstein’s last blog post..How Much Money Are You Leaving on the Table?
Yours is the only kitten strangling blog I’d ever read. If any of my regular readers sees this, I’ll deny everything and accuse you of stealing my blog commenting identity.
Mahala’s last blog post..Fighting Fire, Chimp Sex and Why Technology Sucks
God wants me to stop cursing and that is why my blog is banned by most workplaces and now apparently in ISRAEL!
(you have no freaking idea how ironic that is)
Kelley’s last blog post..Sad.
I’ve noticed that word verification has changed the past few months. Real words are popping up – often looking like they were staged just for the post.
It’s a conspiracy.
ps. don’t worry. He’s not strangling any kittens. But be careful that you don’t choke on that mashed potato sandwich. What the heck is that anyway?
Pamela’s last blog post..Rows
Well, squid are at least low in calories and fat.
Suebob’s last blog post..Now with extra Bershon
I think you are awesome. And I blog about bunnies. Apocalypse? According to Sir Isaac Newton, should be around 2060. Unless all the kittens get strangled first.
Amanda Nicole’s last blog post..hi mom!
I keep thinking I’ll start my anorexia tomorrow. That, and wash my car.
But I’m still fat and my car is still dirty. And, there are a few less kittens in the world. Apparently.
HeatherPride’s last blog post..Spin Cycle : My Fave
Jen it is easy. Just take your consumer cash coupon to the veterinarian’s office and by a bunch of cat food.
Jeremy’s last blog post..Ten facts reamin, even after this election regardless of who wins…
Oh Jenny, I have nothing to add, so instead, I’ll just kiss your ass. Because why not?
Anyway, I’m starting a weight loss blog, a really embarrassing one, like PICTURES of my flab and food diaries (and i’ll like, NOT LIE) and I’m totally setting my captcha word to “pringles” to be an even bigger ass kisser.
Maybe you could write a guest post once I launch? I could return the favor over here. I’d just write “awesome ninja vagina doritos” and no one would ever be the wiser.
PS- I actually AM drunk. Pinot Noir whole fuckin bottle.
How could I have not found you before? Way too funny as I sit here giggling in my empty kitchen while everyone sleeps.
Jen @ Mommay’s Mayhem’s last blog post..Do you have 15 minutes? (and a giveaway)
It would be even more awesome if the next captcha thingy was onion dip or milkshake to go with those Pringles.
kristin’s last blog post..A confession
God told me if I came and read your blog today, that’s one less kitten strangled.
Just doing my part for the sake of a kitten.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Kate’s last blog post..Happy Hump Day
Definitely a sign of the apocalypse.
famine, pestilence, lawlessness, people having no love for one another, earthquakes and Jenny the Bloggess’ blog. All signs.
Rhea’s last blog post..Awesome Giveaways
Diets totally fucking suck, so check out:
The Diet Cure
The Mood Cure
both by Julia Ross, MA
available at amazon.com, of course
Also, Elisabeth at As My World Turns has been doing WW and exercising and has already lost 13+ lbs. I am so envious!
Get 30grams/4oz of protein per 3 meals and, if you have a sweet tooth, you can take L-Glutamine & GTF (Glucose Tolerance Factor) Chromium in capsules 30 minutes before meals and it will cut the craving. Cut white sugar, high fructose corn syrup, pasta, potatoes, rice, and bread, eat your veggies and limit fruits to a small piece a couple of times a day for “dessert” and you will be svelte for Easter (1-1.5 lbs per week loss, no more).
And, of course, you are fucking hilarious and I’m sorry to hear about your guilt over God’s strangling kittens because of your liberal use of the word “awesome.” Try not to let it weigh you down or increase your donation to the SPCA–whatever it takes.
La Framéricaine’s last blog post..“C’est si peu dire que je t’aime…”
It’s really too bad that more word verifications don’t try to screw with our brains.
But, you suck, b/c all I want right now are Pringles.
Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..How do you know you are done?
Halle-fucking-lujah! That means Jesus is coming soon…to save the kittens from being strangled, no doubt.
Wanda’s last blog post..Diptych (not dipstick)
BTW, I totally receive signs from word verification. It speaks to me all the time. I thought I was the only one.
Rhea’s last blog post..Awesome Giveaways
I had a word verification the other day that said “tardo” and I was like, well, kind of.
And then I typed it in, because I am a glutton for criticism.
Overflowing Brain’s last blog post..Is it still paranoia if it’s happened before?
Why do you get normal (albeit evil) words like “pringles” and I always get ridiculous words like “snarflehgkfy” – which confuses me and I get flustered and mistype the damn thing, and then I get “wiyfhvfsellisade” and I mistype THAT, and then the system assumes I’m special and I get a word like “boy”.
Kimmers’s last blog post..Friendship rant
Never had a bunny on my site. Mostly farts, toilets, and one vagina post which was entirely disappointing to the fools that googled for vaginas.
witchypoo’s last blog post..Recycled Toilet Story
If I had a blog, I’d want the verification wordage to be “bloatation device.” Because that’s what I feel like and it’s funny. Bloatation device, Bloatation device, Bloatation device.
I’m pretty much as fucked up as you. HEY! You could go for four blog posts in four days – and write all about how awesome I am.
Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Fern
If I see one that says martini, I’ll quit drinking. Hope that doesn’t happen before the holiday.
Jennifer A’s last blog post..If all else fails, recruit your family traveling in colder climates
Um, you mis-spelled “apocalypse”.
Did you like the free cat I left you?
No? Check out this post by God about cats.
Rob’s last blog post..Is the Climate really Changing?
My spellcheck won’t work because the interne wants me to be illiterate too.
Should I start to worry when the word verification starts coming up as “devil” and “evil” and “Jen, you’re not alone. Those voices in your head are not your imagination. Everyone IS out to get you..”? I mean, do you know how easy it is to fuck up the spelling when you’re typing it out and then having to do it all over again because you tripped up on “imagination”?
Word verification is a tricky thing. One time I got “bonar” while technically that’s not how you spell boner but that’s the first thing that popped through my head. And yes, I did use the words “boner”
and “popped through my head”in the same sentence…I think God strangles a puppy everytime I read your blog. 🙂
gingela5’s last blog post..Maybe It’s A Tumor…
Mostly I’m just really jealous that you a) know how to magically get the word veri picture into your post or b) know how to magically make up the word veri picture and put it in your post.
Franki’s last blog post..Online Dating
I think your friends have it wrong. It’s that God eats a Pringle every time you write “kitten.” This has led to God being fat and now He has to take up jogging, which is hard without a corporeal form. So He feels your pain.
Jess’s last blog post..Good Idea
I think God might strangle kittens regardless. Cats are not his best work.
And I don’t think the whole blogosphere is conspiring to make you fat. It’s probably just one or two people who monitor your every keystroke and plant things like the “pringles” to undermine your confidence so you won’t be able to blog up to standards and therefore lose your technorati rating and audience to the jealous blogger who wants you to fail. And that would not be me, by the way, because I could never think up and execute such an elaborate plan.
annie’s last blog post..Getting Picked Up Again
Pringles are Satan’s chips. Instead, if you must cheat on your diet, buy Frito-Lay’s Stax. This will help keep my wife employed and me from having to get a real job.
Now that word be awesome.
always home and uncool’s last blog post..Includes Sauce. And Allen Wrench.
My favorite word verification ever came about 2 days before the election: “boama.” I’m onto your little code, Google!
Carrie’s last blog post..Link On Into Monday
well you know… kitten created the internet and they’re out to get you. god is protecting you by strangling them.
also, what’s up with getting real words? i get sh*t like “voi4598uklero($E*&$JFIVJLSDGKMLSDKFJSODJRFGKJRO” and it takes me four hundred tried and it shuts down on me and i lose the comment and get all distracted. just like that.
Ericka’s last blog post..Like That’s Going to Stop Me…
I have Pringles, and I will send them ALL to you if you will just tell me how to get my kitteh bumped up to the top of God’s list.
WaltzInExile’s last blog post..Ornithophilia (Updated)
Technically, pringles isn’t a real words, per se, but a made up word to describe concave discs of tasty goodness.
Janine’s last blog post..It takes a whole night’s sleep to look this pretty.
I hate cats. Do you think it would work if I did it? Awesome.
Do you hear mewls of pain?
A Free Man’s last blog post..Pretty Hate Machine
I just realized that my comment made me sound like some sort of awesomely sick cat torturing maniac. I just want to clarify: just because I hate cats doesn’t mean I kill them. Can’t speak for my dog though.
A Free Man’s last blog post..Pretty Hate Machine
can i just say that i think i love you?
yes, i think i can.
and you are awesome! (aw. poor kitten)
(i stalk you daily for a chuckle. i’m never dissapointed.)
rychelle’s last blog post..i’m good enough, i’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me
How do you go from pringles to squid? that’s like eating caviar for dinner and then having a hoho for desert.
Georgette’s last blog post..CHRISTMAS IS COMING! GIVE ME NEW SHIT!
When I go to other people’s blogs theirs is all, “Look! A bunny!” and mine is all “God strangled your kitten”.
Hmm, my blog seems to be completely devoid of both bunnies and kitten-throttling deities. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t get any traffic.
Steve’s last blog post..Lost and Found in Space
It may be a sign of the apocolypse that this is your 48th comment in two hours. That’s a comment every 2.5 minutes. Awesome.
Oops, killed a kitten.
Kat’s last blog post..Motherhood Moments #5
Huh. My ultimate praise for a good blog post is usually “Awesomely awesome!” What are the chances of that? Maybe I should just change it to “Dead kitten worthy?”
Velma’s last blog post..Surrounded By Snot-Filled Kleenex
I think your blog is waaaaaaay more awesome than kittens. And pringles suck…. now when it says “frenchfries” or “bacon” THEN you will be in serious trouble.
Damn, I don’t know what is funnier, the post or the comments; but I’m literally laughing out freakin’ loud (well, quietly so I don’t wake the rest of the house). I’ve typed ‘lol’ before, but I don’t know that I was actually doing it before.
Praise Pringles & AWESOME all around.
JustanotherSAHM’s last blog post..Christmas Giveaway @ 5MinutesforMom
On my blog I have dive bombing cats that are stealthy and only attack at 2 am. So, you’re not the only angel of kitten torture. Sometimes it’s warranted.
There is even a graph, so that the reader feels like they too can be cat bombed.
Jenifer’s last blog post..I cheat…
Ok, So God does not do all the dirty work himself, he leaves it up to the animal shelters to do his strangling for him. So by that account you have probably said awesome about 1000 times today. Yes I am sick that way, but I can speak blasphemously since I have five fucking cats too. They are like a tasty Pringles potato chip, you can’t have just one. Now back to my yummy peanut butter cup for dessert.
PS I like having a place where I can swear once in a while. Thanks!!!
Julia’s last blog post..How to Hatch a Tree
when your verification word is “hometown buffet” give me a call
flutter’s last blog post..Cashmere in the dairy aisle
I’m totally ok with strangling kittens. Because they grow up to be cats and cats love porn, which is the reason we are headed to the apocolypse. Your blog is bringing it all full circle.
Now please tell me the secret code word for killing raccoons. Seriously. I need it. They’re after me.
Chrystal’s last blog post..3 Interesting Tidbits
vagina. that’s my fall back when I don’t know what the hell to say to one of your posts.
A. Buddy’s last blog post..a thing i love.
I just want you to know you make me laugh so hard that I just about cry while reading your blog, thanks!
I can’t even focus on all the dead kittens… I just want a sandwich so bad I think I’m starting to hallucinate.
I should probably just go to bed now, stomach rumbling like a starving orphan under a box in an alley, though I am if anything overfed. And my apartment is at least slightly nicer than a box.
But now thanks to you, I’d trade it all in a heartbeat for some fucking Pringles. Oh man…
LiteralDan’s last blog post..Indisputable facts, Vol. 2
the only time I say “look, a bunny” is when I want rabbit stew. What can I say, I live in France now.
Fortunately, we narrowly averted the apocalypse on November 4th. Sure its still one hellish moment after the other. but no Armageddon. phew. pass me the pringles.
Kimberlee’s last blog post..eat my cake.
Mashed potato sandwich with fries, please.
mrtl’s last blog post..Bingo, Not Dingo
Don’t call it a diet…call it a Cardiovascular Health Program, and you’ll feel much better about it. Phffft.
My daughter, The Kitten, is still alive, so I think you’re awesome.
Catazon’s last blog post..Even Exchange?
YOU are my guilty pleasure.
I’m pretty sure you could shoot a nun in front of a cop and not get arrested.
Robin ~ PENSIEVE’s last blog post..My Series of Unfortunate Events, part troix
I don’t know what this says of me but, I don’t like cats.
If I were to strangle a cat, in front of God would he be like “awesome!” or would I be punished? Not that I’d ever get that chance (seeing as I’m going to hell for eating squid potato sandwiches with a side of pringles), I was just curious.
Best captcha I saw was “focking”. Way to go interwebs!
Ben’s last blog post..Better
Hilarious and sad all rolled up together. Thanks for making me laugh, I needed it. xoxo
koehmstedt’s last blog post..I should have stayed in bed.
the internets are a watching! scary pringle stuff!
amy’s last blog post..I know a place that’s safe and warm from the crowd
God has a problem. I mean, he/she might claim that it’s your saying of “awesome” that causes the kitten strangling, but it’s really just a choice he/she made. It didn’t have to be that way.
And don’t even get me started on this whole “hell” thing.
This is why I don’t believe in god. It’s because of all the strangled kittens. (Which, of course, makes it all your fault. Thanks for the damnation and such.)
Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.
I have noticed that word verification has been doing funny things lately. Frangria came up and a friend and I were trying to figure out what a French sangria would be made of.
mmmmm…… Pringles. I don’t think the internet wants me fat though. A pity that I have nothing to blame that on.
Mrs C’s last blog post..The Vagina Dialogues
You’ve found your niche market in blog readers. Those of us who find God strangling kittens to be funny. Since you’re the only blog that offers that, where else would we go?
Also – dieting the week before Thanksgiving? You obviously are drunk.
Those slanted random word verifications make me want to strangle kittens.
Carolyn Online’s last blog post..Help a mutha out.
This blog’s popularity isn’t a sign of impending armageddon, but diets are.
Don’t diet, please. The fate of the world depends on it.
Chris Wood’s last blog post..I just went to see the Max Payne movie …
Mine would say “dick” or “dry spell”
My daughter kills small animals. I like to read about other people that also kill animals to know that my daughter is not the cruelest person in the world.
Really. We’ve had three chinchillas, 2 rabbits, 1 hamster, and 1 cat die in my daughter’s care. I don’t think she’s doing it on purpose, but she’s only 14 and isn’t that a lot of animals to die in your care?
Kylie’s last blog post..The Wisdom of Children
that’s exactly why i don’t have word verification on my site. i want my friends to be way more successful with their anorexia.
ali’s last blog post..this is not a post about motrin. or mommy bloggers. or wearing your children.
Ummmmm, mashed potato sandwich. Sounds like a perfect breakfast.
Wendy’s last blog post..Retro Comforter from Thrifted Sheets
Now I know why there are no skombie cats in my dreams. Thanks, Jenny, you’re awesome!
Fuck. Just killed a kitten.
Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated #12
Please stop making me spit my tea out. My keyboard is getting sticky.
Cynical Nymph’s last blog post..Let Freedom Ring
You wouldn’t believe how many times that’s happened to me right when I’m craving xSf9PtZ.
cyniclite’s last blog post..Yup, still having twins.
There’s this one blog where all the word verifications are “adult” or something. I comment there just to have an excuse to type “nipples” and “lesbians” and “anal” all in one day. It’s awesome.
Pringles are like carrots, really they’re healthy for you. I swear.
Cat’s last blog post..My Honeymoon (i.e., The Most Fun I’ve Ever Had With a Man I Hope Never to See Again)
Further proof that word verification is the work of the devil.
Can I get a cute wittle kitty strangled to if I say “awesome”? Awesome!
patois’s last blog post..Name That Stripper
If the popularity of your blog is a sign of the Apocalypse I say, BRING IT ON!
You’re one funny and awesome (damn…there goes another one) chick.
Obviously, the internet wants you to be fat AND terrified. Awesome Awesome Awesome (if you read it does it still count as kitten murder? Awesome)
So uh I guess today is not a good day to see if you want to go to Aladdin’s for lunch?
those verifications are just… fucked up.
blogger’s gone crazy (again?)!
Beth’s last blog post..The “Have You Ever” Meme
If only I got such intelligible words from those friggin word verification things! I almost avoid blogs with those because I inevitable end up spending 10 minutes longer there, just trying to get the damn word right and wondering if it’s a “u” or is it a “v”! Oiy!
And if God strangles a kitten everytime I say the word “awesome”, then when I get there and present my case for entrance through the pearly gates, there’s gonna be a oil tanker full of dead kittens just waiting for me!
Auds’s last blog post..Laughter – Thankful Thursdays
No kitteh wuz strangled makin dis videeo..
.. but I need a Roomba now.
david’s last blog post..Pink Flag and The Homewreckers Launch Debut CD At Duke Coffeehouse
I giggled a lot this blog. It may be because you’re funny. I may have been touching myself, but only I know which one’s true or not! lol
one day i got bjstorm as my verification word, i took this as a sign from God, whipped my cock out and opened my front door, waiting for the weather to turn sexy
furiousball’s last blog post..deconstructing a fraternity house picture…
You shouldn’t spend too much time wondering why your blog is popular. I don’t think you blog is like “Hannah Montana” popular. I think it’s like that “Faces of Death” video I saw in high school.
Now you need to start using word verification so things like “apocalypse” and “awesome” and “mashedpotatosandwiches” will pop up.
Emily’s last blog post..Special Gourmets
oh goddamnit… this literally just came up…
furiousball’s last blog post..deconstructing a fraternity house picture…
I don’t know, I think the internet wants you to be bulimic. The thought of combining Pringles and squid is enough to induce dry heaves for me. But if that’s your thing, go with it.
a’s last blog post..More reasons why my blog title is accurate…
You should have come to my blog. Someone recently commented that their word verification was “sperm”. I’m sure if your diet required you to eat nothing but sperm you’d be skinny in no time.
WM’s last blog post..Ma vie dans les point de balle
In a strange twist, I just learned that God revives a dead kitten every time I eat a mashed potato sandwich. So go ahead, “awesome” it up; it all evens out in the end.
Jody Reale’s last blog post..Now You’re Voting With Gas
I am so glad I found your blog. I make audible snickering noises that I cannot contain. It is purely “awesome”! Thanks for being so full of snark. Let me make sure our stock of beer and snacks is good at the house and then … let the apocalypse hit.
prettyneato’s last blog post..It’s ALIVE!
Maybe we are here just to see how far you will go….hummm?
Jo-Jo’s last blog post..Too Stressed
Word Verifications hates me as well… a while back my word was “uckfu.” Now I am not bilingual, but I don’t think that was very nice.
Today I just got “colic” which isn’t funny except that I have a two week old.
Kyle Ray’s last blog post..Baby Booter Blog
Never mind the kitty killing, HOW DO YOU MAKE MASHED POTATO SANDWICHES?
Life is funny in a twisted sort of way. I seem to always get f’d up word verifications. Sometimes they are in English and other times they’re in some OTHER language. I think it all comes back to Big Brother .. they’re watching us through our monitors now you know. I saw a secret message on Twitter that confirmed it.
oh … should have thrown in a few …
… I’m allergic to those bastards anyhow. Kill away 😉
Are you pregnant?
I mean, if you’re craving pringles with squid on them. All signs point to yes. Either that, or you’re some sort of culinary genious!
Ok, maybe an idiot savant.
JachiCue’s last blog post..Whaa?
Aww. Sometimes you’re like Juno on crack. Love.
Ummm… ICK @ a mashed potato sandwiches. WTF is that anyway? I say it’s a sign to continue saying awesome and quit dieting. Probably God threw Pringles in to let you know it was OK to keep saying awesome and eating Pringles.
Steph’s last blog post..Wall-E and other unrelated things
You tickle me 🙂
How funny is it that I posted a picture of my old deaf cat on the way here. It’s not a bunny, but close.
Lula’s last blog post..Newman
You’re lucky. The only verification words I see on Blogger are “msrnfq” or “llkiihhkli”.
Arjewtino’s last blog post..Profiles in Excellence: Come on, People magazine, I am way sexier than Zac Efron
I think Chuck only kills a kitten if YOU say awesome. So next time, just put a tweet out and all of your followers will shout “AWESOME” at the same time and it will be totally awesome. I wonder how many other times I can saw awesome in this comment.
Ruby Soho’s last blog post..I just don’t have any answers.
Man I was NEVER good an anorexia. AND? I totally suck at puking too, so I guess I’m fucked.
Miss Grace’s last blog post..An extremely unscientific explanation of dealing with Gabriel’s hair
What goes on a mashed potato sandwich? Because it sounds awesome. Crap.
Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Pushing Daisies S2ep6
Are you saying it was God who killed my cat? Oh wait, he wasn’t a kitten. OK good, ‘cuz that would have totally pissed me off. Do you put sour cream and butter on those mashedpotatosandwiches?
Kaila’s last blog post..Enough of the sadness – let’s move on to White Trash Christmas
The pringles is so cruel…so, so cruel. Better than Krispy Kremes though, right? Come to our site, I swear we don’t have pringles as an option.
I absolutely love your blog. Thank you for your awesomness. (Is that just one kitten, or two?)
Yeah, when I start my diet site, the confirmation words are going to be encouraging, like “thighs” and “floppy underarms” and “more chins than the Hong Kong phone book”.
Listen up, God/the Universe does not want you to be fat… YOU do. And until you keep sending out all these fat messages you are gonna be a beached whale, sister.
I also suggest you dump all your fat friends and only hang out with skinny B’s like me and my friends. It’s good insurance. Good luck finding some skinny friends though. We don’t want to catch your fat!
Queen B’s last blog post..Amberleigh’s Pageant Wear
Or a sign that you freakin’ rawk!
Don Mills Diva’s last blog post..Let him eat cake
I haven’t gotten a real word in a long time. I make up words with the letters though. I may need to find a life.
I’ve been told that I overuse the word Dude and every time I do, a kitty dies. But dude, really? I just don’t believe that shit. If it were true, it’d be raining dead kittens.
Issa’s last blog post..Thanksgiving food post…..take one
What is UP with Blogger making the word verification thingys be real words. Once day they stopped being nonsense, and started using real crap…
I’m not sure which is worse.
Eternal Sunshine’s last blog post..When it rains…
That comment verification thing is wild.
Oh, I mean “awesome.”
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s last blog post..Shark-Bites
Why does God feel the need to punish the poor kittens for all the “awesome” usage and masturbation in the world? Not that I have a problem with fewer cats running around. They like to shit in my front yard.
Holmes’s last blog post..365 # 109: Ryan the Kitchen Slave
I thought the kitten thing was common knowledge…
Jim’s last blog post..I’ve moved
I’m already on a diet so I pretty much cleared all the good stuff out of the house, but I swear I can hear the bag of sugar calling to me because during my worst of times, I have been known to add sugar to just about anything, or even, dare I say, lick my finger and dip it into the bag a few (or dozens of) times.
clickmom’s last blog post..what’s funny?
I would strangle kittens if it meant I could eat all the macaroni & cheese I want and not be fat. And I don’t think God would be made at me for feeling that way.
Unless he thought I was robbing him of his own kitten killings.
I’m on a Goddamn diet, too.
SECRET AGENT MAMA’s last blog post..By: Woman in a window
Your commenters are seventeen kinds of awesome.
Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated #12
everytime you masterbate, god kills a puppy.
So, if you masterbate and scream awesome, you could totally kill the two pet species.
You sure it’s not the squid He’s strangling?
Or is “strangling a squid” a euphemism?
fatbofat’s last blog post..Just a little off the back, please
Bunnies are pretty much overrated. For that matter, so are skinny people. Pass the Pringles.
God obviously orchestrated the appearance of those verification codes to mess with your head and give you material for a blog post. (Because He loves you, Jenny, and likes to read your stuff.) But clearly he’s having a difficult time figuring out how to create plastic lids that stay on those pregnant Pringles cans.
I don’t believe the dead kittens idea. Because between you and me, at least, there would be no kittens left anywhere.
Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.
Is it bad that your mashed potato sandwich kicked off a craving for pierogi pizza–a food I’ve never tasted but have heard praised so much that it’s now mythical. Like manna or something.
Sorry. This isn’t helping with your anorexia diet, is it?
Jaci’s last blog post..So What Tail Would You Pick?
Mashed potato sandwiches ROCK!!!! I thought I was the only person who loved them.
Speaking of signs of the apocalypse, have you seen this?
I think Huey, Loie & Dewey were taken into protective custody by Social Services shortly after this photo was taken.
Vamanos’s last blog post..¡Yippee! ¡Hace frio!
you are fucking AWESOME and a stack of Pringles! Snap.
Martie’s last blog post..The Ex Factor…
I was gonna diet, but then I didn’t. Oh well…
I’m trying to get started blogging, but I can’t decide how much is TMI. I think I will just go for it because of some of it is FUNNY.
How many kittens are left?
Effie Zuella’s last blog post..Hi…I’m New
Dude. I thought God killed a kitten every time you masturbated. (Not you specifically. We. The ROYAL we.)
I had no idea they were also dropping off because of awesomeness. Son of a bitch. The little things never had a chance.
Kyla’s last blog post..How often do normal kids puke anyway?
Thanks. Now I want a mashed potato sandwich and a can of pringles.
Nena’s last blog post..Funny Cat Photo Friday
Maybe it IS a sign of the apocalypse, but if loving you is wrong…well…I wouldn’t even want to be right. Or be a kitten for that matter.
apathy lounge’s last blog post..In “dog years” my blog is finally old enough to order a beer.
It’s a sign you’ve got to stick with it — the devil is tempting you. Maybe I should send you one of those good luck horns that we have in Italy, against the devil and hunger….
anita doberman’s last blog post..Mind your own business
I tweet: I want chocolate.
Tweet back: “I’m doing a chocoalte giveaway!”
Like, as in, you are delivering it TO MY HOUSE THIS MINUTE? Or in six weeks?
Awesome. Awesome. Awesome AWESOME.
Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..The 170 character tweet with a picture to make you feel better about clicking over here. Sorda.
I’d kill a kitten for some Pringles right about now.
Diets: Meh. Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.
I can’t spell apocolypse sober and you can do it drunk. you win.
A. Buddy’s last blog post..a thing i love.
I thought God strangled kittens when you masturbated. If that’s not the case, then I need to hit CostCo for a jumbo pack of batteries.
Actually, I’ve heard kittens are really low-fat. Maybe you should try a kitten and mashed potato sandwich.
Sallyacious’s last blog post..Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!!!
Natalie’s last blog post..Everything happens for a reason
Haha, that IS awesome though.
Kitten: The New Veal
A. Buddy’s last blog post..a thing i love.
You’re a freak and I love it.
Yo – you won the giveaway over at my blog (http://macaroniandglue.com), you lucky ducky! Need your mailing addy to send you your fabulous prize.
info [at] macaroniandglue [dot] com
I come here because you figure out a way to make strangled kittens funny.
That and the strangest shit seems to happen to you.
Shutter Bitch’s last blog post..Update
If everyone spent more time strangling kittens and less time eating, we’d all be skinny and without the sniffles.
Broke But Still Drinking’s last blog post..Hiring gifted people, bookstore employment
Pringles and squid do NOT go together.
I might’ve mentioned that before but I’m too lazy to go back and check. Sorry.
(I’m not really sorry, but it seemed rude to acknowledge that I might be repeating myself without, you know, apologizing for it.)
kristin/kwr221’s last blog post..More random shots from the week
This site is awesome. Not to mention the bloggess is awesome. This post is one of the most awesome posts ever. 156 comments so far (at this time), pretty awesome. It is awesome that this many people “care” about kittens getting strangled.
Ok – hopefully I just took care of all the cats that would be shitting in my flower beds in the future. F-U KITTENS!
James’s last blog post..DIY = Death Induced by Yourself
Jenny, you crack me up. THAT’s why I come back.
tracey’s last blog post..Responsible? Me?
Besides, there’s too many kittens in the world, anyway…
tracey’s last blog post..Responsible? Me?
Yeah I know about the kitten thing. Also, God sends a natural disaster everytime you go on a diet.
That’s my excuse anyway.
Hay’s last blog post..The Hippy’s New Jacket
maybe the reason your blog is so popular with us “normal” bunny loving folks is because reading your blog is like rubber necking a car accident. You just have to watch the destruction and horror.
Mz. Nesbit’s last blog post..Barf Inducing
OMG, you totally have my sense of humor. Only better. Now give it back.
I’m pretty sure that’s comment harassment, I think you should sue.
Is it only kittens that are killed by awesome, or can cats die, too? Because my cat died a few weeks ago without provocation and that would really explain a lot. But she was fully grown so maybe it was another word that got her.
bejewell’s last blog post..Watch Out, Ladies — He’s Single and Looking
The blogher ads for this post…are for pringles. Even blogher is against you.
Cole’s last blog post..Frozen Embryo Babies “Healthier”
I think 5 kittens were strangled in my last post – I gave you credit but couldn’t pingback or trackback or whatever that is.
kaila’s last blog post..I’m dreaming of a White Trash Christmas
Kittens are cute and all, but whatever needs to be sacrificed so that I can read your blog that is also eerily similar to my life … I’m ok with that.
Rikki’s last blog post..I should be more grateful for towels.
You can come over to may blog there’s no “Look! A bunny!” or “Pet the itty bitty cutesy kitty!” there. You’ll find “Hey the vet stuck a cat’s muzzle that looks like a fishbowl on my dog’s head which the dog thinks is kinda cool and while he’s playing Spaceman Spiff the vet shaves the dog’s hoo-ha shaved and then the dog gets all pissed off and fogs up his cat space helmet beause he wants to bite all of our faces off but he can’t because that’s why the vet velcroed a bowl on the dog’s head. In the name of love.”
Please post 25 pictures of a strangled kitten. Or is that too dark? Um … Look! A bunny!
Momma Trish’s last blog post..Fine young cannibals
Why oh why do women diet? Do you not know we want you plump and juicy? We do. Except for some guys who get all their ideas from the same women’s magazines dieters do and don’t know what’s good.
Eat, eat. You’re like a twig over there.
you know what would be great? a mashed potato sandwich with pringles and squid inside. it would be like a we’re mushy party in your mouth.
OMG, I thought I was the only one with issues with the word verification thing. Don’t ever ever click on the wheelchair thing…it does awful things and probably strangles something.
Speaking of that my weird cousin sent an email referencing someone by the name of Dr. Sheets that said God had made a mistake by allowing Obama to be elected. I was thunderdstuck that first of all there was someone named Dr. Sheets, other than some idiot in the klan, and to have the hubris to suggest the Almighty Diety could possibly make a mistake was totally mindbogling to me. I’m going to google that guy’s name and check on his credentials. Ha! I was pretty thunderstruck that these people are actually related to me. We have been not on close terms for all our lives. I know why now.
AmberStar’s last blog post..What this yarn wants
That is awesome.
I was in a fight with my husband a few weeks ago and I had a word verification present me with the word “wrong.” Of course, it was talking to my husband through my computer screen. Freaked me out though.
Scary Mommy’s last blog post..Ben, Meet Nutella
I love your blog and you are dead on about how dieting feels. Why is it once you go on a diet you start wanting wierd things like mashed potatoe sandwiches? The last time I went on one it was canned chili. Ugh!
I just read this on the recommendation of a friend…i have no idea how these blog thingys work…but is a coincidence that there is now a pringles advertisement to the left of this story? hmm
Well, it looks like the next verification word is squid, which I found particularly painful since sushi has been haunting my dreams and I can’t fucking sleep or be satisfied with any other food but I live in western Oklahoma where we are long on cows and short on sushi so I just have to be fucking miserable.
shonda’s last blog post..Dear Axl, Dreads Ain’t For Gingers
I amm ready to get fit! Guess who?
I saw this banner at my daughter’s school. It said “Whatever it Takes” Now that is some motivation for your ass!
Whatever it takes to get fit!
I feel you. I had dead puppies on my blog…I mean, I don’t kill puppies…I love puppies. It just came up.
Jessica’s last blog post..In some weird way, I kind of see your point.
I think you have a great ass.
gwendomama’s last blog post..Me v. Grief: Version 4.6
That person who said that God strangles kittens when you say awesome? They were wrong. Or maybe not. But if they KNOW, then they are Jesus? Which means you must have an awesome blog.
Nora Bee’s last blog post..The father of Canada
I am STILL trying to be anorexic. It’s hard with all these chips laying around. dammit.
Vodkamom’s last blog post..A Kindergarten Proverb
yeah, i just had the word “necro” for a verification pop up, right after my guilt-ridden ass rolled off a corpse.
muskrat’s last blog post..coming to an olympic arena near you: the muskrat toss
Oh, craptastic! I don’t know if it’s the cold meds or the fact that I’ve been online for like 7 hours straight, but this post nearly killed me. I am not even kidding.
Hy husband – a pastor – describes himself as “the awesome” all the time. Talk about a conflict of interest! I can just hear God up there when he hears his prayers… “You want me to do WHAT? After all those kittens I had to strangle because of you?”
Mikki’s last blog post..The Sun is Shining
Prolly, yeah… the Apocalypse. That’s hard to type. Maybe you could cut back on the fancy words… m’kay?
jennyonthespot’s last blog post..Free advice to parents of preschoolers.
I recently posted “Look, a capybara!” on my blog. Does that count? I posted about my bunny a long time ago, but he died. He wasn’t a kitten, but that didn’t have anything to do with you, did it?
Laurie’s last blog post..Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour
I laughed so hard at this post a little pee came out. Who knew that what I really want to read about is a kitten strangling wanking monitoring god.
I think I’ve found my religious side here! The answer to my spiritual needs.
yaya’s last blog post..Choose accessories that complement you
Anorexia – what the hell is that?! Would NEVER work for me – I love food too much. So I have decided that being fat MUST be the natural order of things… ESPECIALLY when you are past 35.
DJ’s last blog post..Will Hypnosis Really Help You Shed the Pounds?
Now you’re trying to make me fat, too, like I’m not fluffy enough in my postpartum state. Thanks.
kittenpie’s last blog post..Ubi
My husband hates cats, so I don’t think he would mind; except for strangling them does seem kind of mean. I say awesome a lot too…
Yeah, the internet makes me fat too, that is my new excuse. 😀
Amber’s last blog post..Small Fry Giveaway
So that’s what happened to my kitten. Thanks, Jenny, thanks a lot.
The Stiletto Mom’s last blog post..Hey Honey, Whatcha Got In The Bag?
I assume this is why you don’t leave very many comments.
My internet wants me to enlarge my shiz and walk it often- up to 4 hours at a time.
Whit’s last blog post..It’s the Thought That Counts
If you see 4 dudes straight out of Bizarro-land, riding at you on strangled kittens… that is a sign of the Apocalypse!
Ed T.’s last blog post..Something to be Proud of.
Now I want a fucking mashed potato sandwich!
I guess the fact you have so many users is that the world is not what we see on tv and there are many people who are like you, and have have killed a shitload of kittens..
Jim Gaudet’s last blog post..Managing Application Servers with WSUS
Well, you were pretty funny until my cat REALLY vanished! What’d you do with my cat biotch!! Seriously, we haven’t seen him since Thursday. If you hadn’t said “awesome” that ONE time he might still be alive. Of course, he completely detests our dog also, so this might (I said MIGHT, but you are still our prime suspect, naturally) have something to do with it. So uh, yeah.
david’s last blog post..Shows This Week
Strangled kittens and Pringles always lead to no good.
mommypie’s last blog post..All the world’s a jungle. Some places just require less clothing.
If I were you, I’d buy a Lotto ticket. You never know . . .
We like bunnies, not kittens. Carry on.
Oh, yeah, what they said ^
They’re way funnier than me.
ben’s last blog post..just keep swimming
How so very rude, daffy bastards!
Brandy’s last blog post..My Mother’s Driving
All I wanted to do was avoid my last half hour of work reading this blog…now I have this intense urge to eat squid flavored pringles while strangling kittens…Awesome
*Sadly this urge cannot be satisfied…while there is an abundance of kittens at my disposal, squid flavored pringles have yet to be invented…it just won’t be the same without them 🙁
Just don’t run over a kitten..it’s way messier…what kind of diet doesn’t allow pringles anyway?
Amy’s last blog post..Mount St Nacho, Twilight Review and a Reject…
At least the word verification wasn’t ‘fatty.’
How to Party with an Infant’s last blog post..The Beat Down Foundation Awards
well, god does strangle cats. someone had to say it.
MommyNamedApril’s last blog post..It Only Seems Fitting…
Like to add that god does strangle kittens. Someone has to do it.
Can’t believe I’ve missed out on this witty bloggity blog! Awesome fun! Here via Kyla.
My cat just starting shitting on my daughters “favorite” stuffed animals…awesome!
What do I get to say about my 11 year old dog who can’t hold her bowels?
Btw, I’m about to change my blog to ellenmental.com…seems suitable since your blog is now my FAVORITE one to read, like I need more SHINY things to keep my adhd brain from tracking ANYTHING!
zaellen’s last blog post..Treehouse Point Thanksgiving
Damn, I thought God kills kittens when you masturbate. Here I have been trying so hard to control the cat population single handedly!
Awesome, just fucking awesome.
And if God didn’t want us all to be super fat shut-ins he wouldn’t have invented the internet and take-out.
ben’s last blog post..alberta bound and gagged
I’m always really amused by the word verifications that come up. Half the time the sound exactly like vomiting, which is usually pretty on point.
Also? If saying “awesome” kills kittens, I’ve killed about a million. Which sucks, because kittens are awesome.
Sarah Booz’s last blog post..Poor Kids
I’m reading this at work and it is really quiet and I am trying my hardest not to laugh but failing miserably at it, and I’m pretty sure everyone is completely freaked out because I keep making these word mm-uh huh huh noises in my attempt not to laugh. And pepsi just came out my nose a little, because I thought drinking something would help me to not laugh, but it was a total and utter fail.