The things coinstar wouldn’t take

Did you know that you can break the Coinstar machine if you put in a bunch of random stuff?  Also, today I’ve taken 12 prescription pills, including the chemo drug that causes the cancer that I don’t have yet and it’s actually making me feel much better but incredibly groggy so I can’t even think of something appropriate to write for you to comment on.  Hence, the comments are completely open for anything.  Deep confessions, words you don’t like, what animal you wish would go extinct next, which weird-looking celebrities you would sleep with if you had the chance…go wild, y’all.

Comment of the day:  Okay, seriously?!  I give you nothing and you give me 400 comments.  I can’t possibly choose just one comment for comment of the day so I’m going to have to create an entire post from these comments because you people are fucked up in the most beautiful way.  Comments are still open if you still want in.

441 thoughts on “The things coinstar wouldn’t take

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Jesus I knew I was easy but even Coinstar has higher standards then I do. This is not helping my self esteem.

  2. I’ve never liked the word “panties.” Or “belly.”

    And I’ve always been a little bit in love with Crispin Glover, ever since “Back to the Future.”

    Why won’t Coinstar take Canadian coins? Our currency is perfectly legal tender!

    kendall’s last blog post..Adventures in Medical Malpractice

  3. Holy mother of God, I had to read that twice cause there was no mention of kittens or zombies or nuffin.

    Seriously chick, you need to see my Dr Darlink. She hands the good stuff under the counter that makes icecream taste freaking AMAZING.

  4. I’ve taken 7 percocet since 10 am, and my ex-husband hated the word ‘Moist”.

  5. I like romantic comedies.
    I dont like many of the words for penis. I do, however, like buffalo ahot and package. The magical tinygoat of Greene County
    The Jonas brothers. Just for the story.

  6. I used to want to sleep with this super artsy guy in high school named Ray Salvatore. I think he probably still doesn’t shower and maybe he’ll be at the reunion.
    Armadillos are the animal I want extinct next.

  7. Somewhere in the distance, there’s a shimmering light — a light that leads to a forgotten realm of angel-hair pasta and Honey-Nut Clusters known only as “Andyland”…

    …oh, wait, did I pick up *yer* scrips by mistake this week?…

    Andrew Ironwood’s last blog post..Incantation/Decantation

  8. You know what pisses me off though? Stoopid head commentluv don’t like me no more, I think I need to blame Google. Or Feedburner. Or next doors toddler cause OMG GIVE THAT CHILD A FREAKING COOKIE ALREADY I CAN’T STAND THE SCREAMING! I think my meds are wearing off. I will set a couple aside for you Jen. The velocoraptor wearing a banana bra has them in his purse. A heads up in case I am sleeping on the hallway floor again.

  9. 1) I judge people based on what’s in their grocery carts at the checkout.
    2) “Normalcy” pisses me off. I mean, that’s why we’ve got “normality.”
    3) I wish pandas would go extinct next, as they are useless animals. Their only defense mechanism is being fat and cute, and that’s what we have Beanie Babies for.
    4) I want to have Seth Rogan’s babies.
    The End.
    PS-Feel better.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Rawring at Cancer

  10. I’m down for spiders being the next endangered species, followed by snakes, and then I think I could safely traipse through a rainforest somewhere with my camera. Also, I hate the word “cunt”. But I think most women do.

    Lisa Walsh’s last blog post..1…100…Who’s Counting?

  11. Ninjas are the animal I would like extinct next, because how can you even catch them when they’re so effin’ sneaky and you’re still on your chemo meds?

    Also, I hate the word belly.
    Because it sounds gross.
    And tummy.

    Call it your stomach, for pete’s sake.

    Abby’s last blog post..This isn’t okay.

  12. I hate the words, “I’ve run out of prescription pills” and I’d like to confess to a desire for a soon-to-be-extinct, weird-looking celebrity animal, but I can’t think of one.

    the-paris-site’s last blog post..Square Root Day

  13. I just ate my first salami sandwich.

    It is shit.

    It can die and be extinct. What the fuck kind of animal creates a penis shaped meat like this http://gourmeton.com/cold-cuts/volpi-g.jpg that is so fucking awesome you want to eat it? Like, WHO MAKES THAT. I don’t like giving blowjobs, what makes THAT appealing?

    That sandwich is shit. Mostly because I want another one and I can’t tell you why.

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  14. I’m a little jealous that you’re handing out drugs to everyone else who reads this blog. Except for MonsteRawr, because we’re going to be fighting over Seth Rogan apparently. Idol’s back on. I have to go.

    Ambry’s last blog post..Just Two Lost Souls…

  15. I feel old when I say the word soup.

    And I strongly dislike, mediocre.

    Because I’m so very much the embodiment of that ugly word.

    Embodiment kind of sucks too. It makes me think of entombment and then they both seem unnecessary because of the existence of zombies.

    I’m only on one prescription pill and this makes perfect sense.

    betsey’s last blog post..Satan Speaks, I Listen

  16. First, I hate the word testicle. It’s too close to “tonsil” and when I mistakenly said than my right testicle was sore–when I meant tonsil–in a moment of verbal dyslexia, it was particularly uncool. Of course the fact that they’re also called “testes” might explain what’s wrong with most men I’ve met/slept with. Parenthetically, I do like the word cunt. I’ve happily owned it since first seeing the Vagina Monologues. I like using it for men, however, since they most often inspire it.

    Second, I want wife beaters and pedophiles to go extinct. Like, yesterday. Last year even.

    Third, I want to have hot, wild, noisy monkey sex with Ron Perlman. Can’t really explain that one other than I like my men rare large and a bit on the freaky/dangerous side. And he certainly owned that description in Blade II.

  17. I have always liked the word “sluice”. I think it’s my favorite word. My favorite word used to be “salubrious”, but I now associate that with an ex-boyfriend.

    Oh, and your second sentence is run on sentence. You need a comma before the word “and”.

  18. this is prob going to gross so many ppl out, but i have a thing for comedians (or anyone who makes me laugh a lot), so i’m sure you can imagine the number of funny looking guys in my repretoire… chris rock, jon stewart, andy from “the office”, LMAO.

  19. You know the lint filter in your dryer sometimes gets some weird looking fuzz? Coinstar has one but fuzz is the LEAST of it’s worries; I watched a guy pulling bullets out of one once. They were mixed in with a bunch of Canadian coins and other crap (No offense Canada; you _are_ America’s hat!!)

    I wish the T-Rex was extinct but I’d sleep with her first.

    Deanj’s last blog post..

  20. Wouldn’t a drug that causes cancer HAVE to make you feel better in order to get you to actually take it?? I mean, if it made you feel even worse than before you wouldn’t take it, and risk the side effects like fatigue and hair loss and oh, I don’t know, maybe DEATH FROM CANCER, unless you felt like rainbows and lollipops and unicorns and fluffy little kittens after you took it. Unless it gave you giant labia in which you could hold apples in which case…. nevermind….

  21. I hate the words brewery and rural, but mostly because when I try to say them I feel like that retarded deaf boy down the street.

    I really like the world sprinkler. It’s just fun to say.

    I would happily have booty-call non-committal wild sex with David Boreneaz (currently playing Seeley Booth on ‘Bones’) because that guy is SCHEXAY — homina homina.

    Animal to go extinct? Paula Abdul. Although technically I think she’s not really in the animal category so much as the alien category.

  22. Weird-looking celeb I’d let touch my lady bits? Hmm … some say he’s not much, but he’s a bag of hotness to me. I would break his back in 2 places!

    I’d name him, but he reads your blog. Sorry.

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..First Time

  23. I think nothing makes you look more like a loser than standing at the coinstar machine with your clown head bank and your sock full of pennies. Not that I have a clown head bank and I find it difficult to walk with a sock full of pennies.

    Chris O’s last blog post..Coincidence or Conspiracy?

  24. I wanna preface this by saying that I am on muscle relaxers at the moment and therefore cannot be held responsibubble for coming over here with v-dog, kaiseralex, sam temptingmama and flingers to hijack your comments. we love you.

    i forgot the questions already. brb.

  25. WTF, Karen? WAY TO GIVE IT AWAY. Jackass.

    (I’d like to say I’m on WINE. Totally legal portions, too)

    (In most small countries)

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  26. P.S.
    I only call people i love jackass
    I’m like, Hey, Babe, I mean JACKASS
    I lurve you JACKASS
    Jacky For short
    Because I love so much the jackass

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  27. Yesterday it snowed 10 inches – our only “big” storm this winter – and since my husband had insisted we didn’t need a shovel in New Jersey, I had to clear the driveway with a broom. 10 inches. Broom. It took forever.

    Celeb sex? Hugh Laurie, a.k.a Dr. House. I’d let him take a cold stethoscope to me anytime.

    Malibu Niki’s last blog post..why worry when it’s warm over here?

  28. I like the word/contraction y’all, though I’m not Southern. Unless you count “Southern Hemispherern”, which probably isn’t a word… because it’s two.
    I put it in the same group as saying “da” with a russian accent, instead of yes. Only people think I’m saying “duh!” and being rude, when really I’m just trying to bring some varied Culture into the conversation.

  29. i would give a dirty hooker oral for a sipper of baileys right now. alas, everything in this town is closed and there are no hookers. i guess i’m off the dirty hook.

    what were those fucking questions again?

  30. Bolivia exports more brazil nuts then Brazil.

    Would you eat the jellybeans if you had a cat that pooped jellybeans?

  31. or weird looking celeb i would sleep with? the dude from the CIBC commercial up here. he has that whole Edward Cullen/Ray Liotta piercing stare but there’s something really weird about him. Like really weird. Still, I’d hit it.

  32. I wish PETA would go extinct. Except for when they make ads showing the only acceptable fur.

    Oh and quite glad to read that you’re wasted 🙂

  33. Have you guys heard of the book *CUNT*? My sister @al_pal LOVES it and she said it’s like, reclaiming the word and stuff.

    And that, CUNT is like, REALLY POWERFUL.

    We should TOTALLY take back the word cunt JUST like we’ve taken back the word Bitch/bitches.

    And like I’m trying to take back Cracker. Just sayin’.

  34. I kinda love the word CUNT too. I’ve always said it. It makes me laugh, even though there’s really nothing that funny about CUNT. The word’s just a little funny – especially when you say it over and over… kinda like porridge. Say that ten times and it starts to sound like it’s wrong…

    Porridge and cunt… Um…. I don’t like where this is going…

    sam {temptingmama}’s last blog post..You Never Know What You Have Until It’s Gone

  35. OH, ya, good one! UVULA. It’s too close to VULVA. I’m always like, “Oh, my VULVA is sore. I mean, that thing that hangs between my tonsils…”

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  36. Apparently, I did not read the directions properly…was I supposed to take meth before reading the comments and leaving one? Because anyone who would do Seth Rogan is clearly high. Same goes for Hugh Laurie. Eew!

    I do agree that the word panties should be abolished…except for its use as a derogatory descriptor for some of my coworkers.

    BTW, have you seen the movie Igor? I think you may have designed an inspirational poster used in the movie…and yes, it involves dead kittens. And yes, I bought a movie with dead kittens for my two year old.

  37. I started to write a random comment here to join in the fun, and ended up liking it as a new post for my own blog. Thanks for the inspiration. I’ve had the block lately. You unstuck me.

    I am off to polish the turd that came out. You’re the sweetest.

    Ryan’s last blog post..WEEK 22

  38. so jenny, because of you, i read that blog on Pride, Prejudice and Zombies. I laughed really hard and sent it to my Lit professor who happens to HATE Jane Austen. He emails me back and tells me it’s perfect for his honors english class on adaptations next semester, and he went ahead and ordered his copy.

    And you think you can’t make a difference in this world. I <3 u. Feel better soon!! 🙂

    Gillian’s last blog post..Making Lemonade

  39. I’d like:

    Brad Pitt (I know, played OUT, but still HAWT)(and I’ll take Angelina at the same time, thankyouverymuch)(what?? it’s a FANTASY)(let a girl have some fun!)(GEEZ!)

    Michael Vartan

    Um, I think I’m good.

  40. The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The

    I hate the word labia… makes me feel funny down there.

    sam {temptingmama}’s last blog post..You Never Know What You Have Until It’s Gone

  41. (Jenny is currently regretting opening comments)

    (Jenny is drinking much wine reading her email)

    (Jenny turns off computer because FORTHELOVEOFALLTHATISHOLY)

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  42. Sam Sam Sam, this is a safe warm place to come and be welcome for you who are.

    It’s not like ONE OF TEH MOST POPULAR BLOGS OR ANYTHING.

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  43. Hey, maybe with all these comment hits, you’ll make like TWELVE dollars this month from BlogHer!

    (Not a reflection of your traffic. Cough COUGH)

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  44. I hate it when strangers talk to my baby. SHE SMILES WHEN SHE FARTS TOO! DUMBASS! I don’t like religion. Any of them. It makes me really uncomfortable when people say ” bless you.” I wish bunnys were extict. I would sleep with Hugh Laurie, Bill Pullman, and Katie Sackoff ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

    I just started reading your blog and…….just……thank you.

  45. 134 comments within like an hour of posting? I’m totally intimidated and bow down to the greatness and brilliance that belongs to The Bloggess, who even strung out on drugs manages to get more comments than about 3/4 of the blogging world.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Advertising

  46. know what i don’t like? when people type in all caps. it gives me insane anxiety, like i’m being screamed at. so in response i’ve taken to writing in all non-caps, and all though it makes me look uneducated, it soothes my soul.

    best of luck with the anti-cancer/cancer chemo pill.

  47. Your comment section is like a mini-Twitter.

    I can’t think of any words I don’t like.

    There are some Twitterers that I follow that I wish I could make-out with. Probably not the real people, because, you know, I don’t even know what they look like, really. But I imagine them as cool and hip and hot, with their funny jokes and sexy “I can’t really see your face” avatars – like the boys in high school who didn’t like me because I was just way too eager and peppy. And they never, ever return my @replies. So I guess I just want to make out with their avatars. Which would be hard.

    Plus, I’m married.

    Memoirgirl’s last blog post..You Can Move Forward With Me, But You’ll Have to Travel Light.

  48. No weird looking sleeping companions for me even if they are celebrities. I have my standards.

    And a husband.

    I have a husband, thus other “sleeping” companions are not necessary.

    annie’s last blog post..My Influences

  49. I just had two glasses of my favorite red wine, so to open up for comments, it a bit scary….. and I can’t help but notice the misspelling of “perscription.” 😉

    I LOVE peanut butter. With most anything.

    And, I’ve totally razzdoodleded the shit out of Coinstar machines.

  50. has anyone said willie nelson, or billybob thornton? i’m just wondering or maybe those two fall under the category of ‘celebrities that look homeless.”

    see also: amy winehouse

  51. “michael j fox WITH parkinsons” but i can’t, i can’t. seriously – imagine the vibration tho. it’d be like a marky mark concert.

    oh hai, i”m going to hell.

  52. Whenever I listen to the soundtrack from the movie Evita, I cry for Argentina.

    I would like to have sex with most celebrities except I draw the line at Pauly Shore and CarrotTop. Mostly because I am not gay and they’re guys also.
    I wouldn’t have sex with them if I was serving a life sentence for murder and hadn’t had sex for 35 years and they were wearing wigs and had shaved their legs and we had argued and it was time to make up.

    Did you mean sex with Extinct Celebrities?
    Perhaps I misunderstood the assignment.
    Would we have to excavate the remains first?
    I am not so sure of my ardor under such circumstance, and it is always slightly uncomfortable to lie with the famous…

    I know that there is a God because I am It although I do suffer from low self esteem.
    Thus,
    I will never wave to people wearing only bandanas even if I do want them to like me.

  53. Conan O’Brien. (Celebrity)
    Moist (Word I don’t like.. also, webinar)
    I wish the Pillsbury Doughboy would become extinct. he scares me.
    I am also afraid of Jello (confession).

    Kinda rushed I know but this is what I get for being late to the party.

    Amy’s last blog post..I have had nothing to say

  54. all I can say is – WTF at this whole comment section. Wow.

    Oh, and I agree. Gordon Ramsay is totally hawt and he can spank me hard with anything he chooses…. unless it’s like a real side of beef or scallops or something, because that might be a little gross.

    Oh and Hugh Laurie is fucking hawt too. I’d do him and he wouldn’t even have to pay me. I’d pay him…. lots.

    Gretchen’s last blog post..Intervention

  55. OMG canoodle causes me to seize..

    I also hate cunning, precious, and any Britishism spoken by a non British person. (i.e. American’s who say ‘lift’ for elevator)

    peckish.

    delectable.

    ugh ugh ugh

    Amy’s last blog post..I have had nothing to say

  56. ” Kimmers says:
    March 3rd, 2009 at 8:52 pm

    Pete Wentz. Is that weird to say? It feels weird. I’m sooo not into the whole, punk rock, emo, eyelinered guy thing. I’m actually really put off by it normally. It’s totally isolated to Pete. I’m also not into short guys, at alllll. I feel weird that I shared this but damnnnnn.”

    That IS weird to say. I’m actually horrified. You MUST be Ashley Simpson, right? Right? RIGHT? PLEASE!

  57. Every time I hear the word “moist” I think of the Eddie Murphy grandma character in The Nutty Professor, “Only White man that ever made me moist!” LOL LOL LOL!!!!! I crack up just thinking about it.

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..New skirt! Houston for March

  58. Wow. Talk about weird celebrities I would sleep with. I have had more than one dream that I was sleeping with Dan Conner (John Goodman) and being so worried that Rosanne would catch us! What ever happend to dreaming about Kevin Bacon or Mel Gibson? John Goodman? In my dreams!

    Enchanted’s last blog post..Time saving

  59. I love the word moist! I really love it when I can get my sisters to bust out laughing at the dinner table when I use said word to refer to my cake. I had the work flaky when people refer to their fish, I love the work flaky when people use it to me.

    Josh’s last blog post..The Mystery of the Scapegoat Design

  60. Totally Kevin james, I love the snugglyness (is too a word shut up!) of him in King of Queens and then as Paul Blart, I came out of the theater going “Oh yeah, I’d do him”.

    Adrienne’s last blog post..Pay It Forward

  61. Oh dear god. You “phone it in” (WHILE ON MEDICATION) and you get 260 gagillion billion comments in like 14 minutes. I bleed over a post for six days and I GET 12. (But shout out to my loyal 12 readers I TOTALLY LOVE YOU GUYS!!)

    Damn you, Jenny The Bloggess!!

    (P.S. Back to that half dollar thing: I thought half dollars were silver? DID YOU BITE THAT PIECE OUT WITH YOUR TEETH?) (Oh dear god – did I mention the “oh dear god” yet??)

    Lesley’s last blog post..Updated (Sort Of): The Most Boring Post You Will Ever Read – Despite The Gigantic Puppet Spiders And The Fact That Someone Took Out My Eyeball

  62. I want to have dirty dirty lovin in the back of a Prius with Leonardo DiCaprio (really I would prefer a Lexus but I hear he only has sex in hybrids).

    Hannah’s last blog post..OMG OMG OMG

  63. I REALLY dislike the words “puberty” and “hump”. Thank you for allowing me to say that publicly. Also, yesterdays post made me pee myself.

  64. Comment #267 seems an appropriate place to ask Jenny Bloggess, addled on chemo drugs, whether she think sI should stay with CFO partner type person. Because I JUST DON’T KNOW. I suppose that comes under the confession part.

    I would totally sleep with the Dutch 50 yo bureaucrat who came to my office to give us a really boring talk about legal procedure yesterday. Which is both confession and weird looking ‘celebrity’ (in the world of european legal tedium).

    Weird enough?

    Jaywalker’s last blog post..Small, slightly pathetic acts of rebellion

  65. It pisses me off that the dog’s ears stink.

    And that he won’t let anyone else but me clean them.

    Which I do at midnight, because really, who wants to sleep with an adoring 120 lb bag of brown fur who smells like toenails?

    daysgoby’s last blog post..things I have learned this morning

  66. “words you don’t like, what animal you wish would go extinct next, which weird-looking celebrities you would sleep with if you had the chance”

    The answer to all three:
    Dooce

  67. I don’t like the word pus or what it is.

    I would sleep with Bud Cort from “Harold and Maude”, but only when he was at the age he was during that movie. Now he’s really creepy.

    I think mosquitos should be extinct.

  68. Holy. Crap.

    Okay, first of all, I love you people. Secondly, many of you need help. I hope you never get it. You are far more fascinating in your brokenness.

    These comments were so completely fucked up I may have to make an entire post out of them. Pure. awesomeness.

  69. I hate the word “fart.” And I would lick Hugh Laurie in a nanosecond. I think he would taste like a warm scone. With cream.

  70. I love the word Cunt. I say it when I am pissed and I say it when I am excited, OMG! I am excited right now…
    I love to see a mans face when your pissed and you call them cunts…priceless…

    Also, I would fuck John Stewart, not because it would be great or even good, but because I would tell ALL my friends and they would be like ” OMG! you fucked John Stewart!” That is of course, if I had any friends…

  71. I have a phobia of mayonnaise, I hate the word “moist”, I want centipedes to die and I would totally do Geoffrey Rush (even all pirated-up…hell, especially if he’s all pirated-up).

    Kate’s last blog post..Fun with hypochondria!

  72. Last night I had a dream that I bumped into my ex on the streets of New York City while I was in the middle of a scavenger hunt and we started having a heart-felt conversation about our new lives and I asked him how things were with his girlfriend and he responded, “not good, man. She peed the bed last weekend and my parents walked in and found us in a bed covered in pee.” And I was like “Well, that’s definitely not good, but I really hope you can work through that.” But he was very pessimistic. I wouldn’t want to date a peer either though.

    Bridget’s last blog post..Now I’m totally not allowed to watch TV unsupervised

  73. I hate the words prego, preggers…any shortened form of the word pregnant.

    I spent about 5 minutes this morning thinking about how I would categorize the supernatural books I read in terms of quality. Top honors go to Kim Harrison’s Rachel Morgan series and Patricia Brigg’s Mercedes Thompson series. Although I haven’t read the latest books in either series, so that may change. I’m el cheapo now – no buying hardcover books.

  74. Words I hate: I used to hate the words cunt and twat, but I got over it by yelling them at other drivers. The word pus is disgusting, but it could be the visual that I hate more than the word. I hate when people talk about poop. Or snot. Gross. I hate

    Animals I wish would go extinct: Paris Hilton

    Weird-Looking celebrity I’d sleep with: The guy who plays Dexter – Michael C. Hall. The more I see him, the sexier he gets.
    I’d do Gordon Ramsey so I could call him a wanker, and Rachel Ray looks like she could use a good grudge-fuck.

  75. Words i love: Caulk, so many possibilities!
    Animals: the feral cat who keeps pissing on my storefront
    Weird Celebrity: Kevin Spacey (he is hot And Weird looking)

    ps: i think I don’t like the word feral either
    pps: I would totally do Gordon Ramsey too

  76. How in goodness did you break half a piece of a half-dollar? That’s some mad strength.

    Anyway, I don’t like the word “octomom.” If I have to hear that word one more time I’m going to scream. Or die a little on the inside. One or the other.

  77. Veronica (comment #28) it’s called a peter pepper and my mother grows them. She hands them out to unsuspecting people to see their reactions…

    THIS is why Jenny and I have such odd lunch conversations… It’s my mother’s fault! I could go on, but won’t.

    For the record I hate the word ‘pussy’ it make’s me cringe to hear people say it.

    Snakes should be extinct, something that can move without legs IS NOT NORMAL!

  78. ROFLMAO – #213, I read ” Plus these boys with kissable avatars are just so fucking funny”

    AS

    Plus these boys with kissable VIBRATORS are just so fucking funny!

  79. Jeez, you people are nuts. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

    I hate people who can’t pronounce the word “realtor”. Real-tor. Not Re-La-Tor. Dumbasses.

    I hate the word Panties also. I didn’t used to hate the word Moist, but I kind of do now. And I used to hate the word Cunt, but I kind of don’t now.

    I hate those stupid teenager text abbreviations – LOL, OMG, LMAO, and all that. And emoticons.

    I would totally bang David Boreanaz (Mmmmm Special Agent Seeley Booth) and Gordon Ramsey (I love a man who can swear like that. He has a gift). Although neither of them is weird looking. So I don’t know if that falls within your strict commenting rules or not.

  80. Stay strong, Bloggess. The world needs frank discussions about giant, flapping labia that you can roll up like a sleeping bag.

    My least favorite words, by the way, would be “giant,” “flapping,” and “labia,” at least when used together. Eeeeeeeeewwwwww.

    But seriously, don’t let the arthritis get you down too much. Hopefully they’ll be able to figure out what pills are good for you, and hopefully those pills will have a high street value.

  81. My fabulously gay friend Drew cringes and wriggles like a little school girl everytime he hears the word ‘moist.’

  82. After reading the first sentence in Mahala’s comment (# 41 – do you ever get Rice Krispy Joints…) I’m all “Dude – they MAKE that? I wonder if it works” and then I read the rest of her comment (That’s when they go “snap, crackle, pop” when you roll over in the night….). But I still think Rice Krispy joints would be OK. Especially if you can use like, some sort of sugar paper to roll them, and some melted marshmallow to seal it and maybe sprinkle some chocolate shavings over the kirspies before you roll that shit.

  83. Deb, I’m with you on your whole post. Realtor and the text stuff; Christ on a cracker, just spell it out!! David Boreanz qualifies since he was a little weird-looking as a vampire; Booth is a million times hotter than Angel. Love the Cocky belt buckle.

    I hate people who don’t know the difference between Lose (to misplace) and Loose (like the easy girl in high school).

  84. I have rice krispy joints. They “snap, crackle, pop” all the time, not just at night. After ten years on muscle relaxers, they don’t even make me sleepy, let alone high. Liquid percoset tastes like cough syrup, but it’s pretty good for the pain, and the buzz it gives you is better than the pills any day.

  85. Okay, you ready for this? I’m in the middle of a red hot affair with my boss. He’s married. And, oh yeah, I’m not his wife.

    I hate the word “whatever.” There’s really never a time when someone saying “whatever” to you is a good thing. It’s too ambiguous. (P.S. New favorite word: Ambiguous).

    Bats totally creep me the f out and should be annihilated from the universe.

    And finally…Tommy Lee Jones is freakin’ HOTT! He turns me on in a geriatric bad-ass kind of way!

    P.S. I haven’t taken any prescription drugs yet today, but maybe I should borrow some of yours.

  86. I love that I pass out, go to bed, wake up and YOU PEOPLE ARE STILL GOING FUCKING NUTS.

    God I love you bitches.

    Jenny, you don’t have a penis. If you did I’d be married to you.

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  87. Coinstar took all of my coins, seven dollars and twenty six cents worth, then it took the last remaining shred of my self-respect.

    Damn you Coinstar.

  88. 307 comments? Geez, I don’t know if I should even bother commenting. It’s like standing in a crowd shouting, “I love you, Hannah Montana!” Granted, it would be a really young, short crowd. And I’d probably get arrested as a pedophile, but you get my point.

    So where the hell did you get a broken half-dollar? And where did you find a Susan B Anthony coin? I thought all those turds were melted down to make parts for computers. You know, Susan B looks a lot like Jimmy Carter. I’ve always wondered if it was his way of putting his own face on a coin and disguising is as him just being a total puss.

    Memphis Steve’s last blog post..Tagged for a Meme – Stranded on a Deserted Island

  89. Also, since it’s 10:26 AM and I’m totally sober (never drink before 10:28AM. It’s bad juju) clearly I’m just as nuts sober as I am drunk.

    Which, is, you know, something I really want to brag about.

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  90. I’ve never left a comment before because you scare me, but I had to this time because my boyfriend and I were JUST talking about weird-looking celebrities last night, and he totally almost broke up with me after I confessed that I’d like to have a threesome with Sid Haig and Kathy Bates.

  91. #295 Samantha – I hear you on lose and looser.

    Also hate the word “Chill-ax”

    Also, I’m straight, but forgot to mention I would totally do Sarah Shahi. That girl is smokin’. When she left The L Word for Life, I was saddened that we would never see her naked again. Because if anyone should be naked full-time, it’s her.

    gotta stop now, hubby’s lurking about…

  92. I am in my mid-30’s, is enjoying cereal taboo?
    I went home for lunch to have a gigantic bowl of Frosted Flakes, it was like eating crunchy bits of heaven.

    And #296 (Lia)
    Who says “Coolio” anyway? That is a word that shouldn’t be allowed to be a word.

  93. Totally wish Monkeys would go extinct (hello, woman missing half her face cause some other freak let a chimp sleep in her bed?? Did he groom her twat hair too? Sick fuck.).
    Completely would bang Clint Eastwood – now, OR when he was Dirty Harry – doesnt matter – he’s hot. Sam Elliot too. Since Seth Rogen is apparently already fathering children on this bitch! Jizz is not a good word, but its better than cum. I think that being toothless would RULE when giving head. These are my disjointed thoughts.

  94. I have the bladder of a pregnant woman. That is not to say I have the actual bladder of a pregnant woman, but one with roughly the same capacity. And probably urethra too but I don’t have any specific metrics on that.

    This wouldn’t be so distressing if I were pregnant. Or at least a girl. or didn’t drink so much coffee.

    Alas.

    peace|dewde

    dewde’s last blog post..Am I A Husband Or A Project?

  95. georgetteq – sometimes? cats are total assholes all of the times. they should totally be the next animal to be extinct. but, if that does happen, i guess that means I’ll have to switch to orange “beef” instead of “chicken” when I order take-out.

  96. That last outburst was in reply to Memphis Steve, by the way. I’m not at all implying that I would like to sleep with the weird-looking celebrity Hannah Montana, though I am marginally convinced she has a penis. Her tranny voice is very similar to my impression of a tranny. See also: problems at the Canadian Border. Saying you’re going to a women’s conference in a tranny voice at the border does not go over well. Trust me.

  97. Words I hate – doable. It’s ACHIEVABLE, you fucking retards! (Not you guys) And definately. Get a dickshunary, FFS!

    Next animal I’d like to go extinct – Gordon Fugly Ramsay.

    Weird looking sleb I’d sleep with – Beth Ditto. She’s definately doable.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..WTF?

  98. Karen, of COURSE we know you’d know about speaking in a tranny voice.

    helloooo.

    Also, you do a very great Indian Man impression. So great, in fact, that I SWEAR I accidentally dialed tech support for the PC instead of your number.

    Mrs. Flinger’s last blog post..Denial.

  99. Girthy = hands-down, worst word of all time. The phrase “moist panties” doesn’t quite do it for me either.

    I’m totally in love with Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC. He makes me blush when he quotes the AIM conversations that that preditor’s had with the decoys. He’s all “sit on my face” and I’m all “hehehehehehe!”

    carolinemichelle’s last blog post..This is why I’m fat, this is why I’m fat, this is why, this is why, this is why I’m fat…

  100. Yeah, Coin Star also won’t take Chucky Cheese tokens, which really pisses me off. Like, seriously? Why do they only have value in the magical world of bad entertainment? Whatev.

    I kinda wanna sleep with Sean Penn. Like, I’m not sure if he’s into guys, but he DID play a pretty convincing homoslice in ‘Milk’. And once I got him into bed I’d be all, ‘So I’m totally a better lay than Madonna, aren’t I? Admit it.’

    Ooh! Or maybe David Duchovny! He’s a sex addict, right? I’d dress up like an alien if he asked me to.

    Michael’s last blog post..I’m much better at taking things apart

  101. There’s this commercial where the woman says ‘Real-Tor’….it creeps me the fuck out. Then I try to say it “the right way” and feel like I need to scrub my tongue with a sandy loofah, but I get mad because I Can’t say it that way and I don’t want to offend a Real-Tor…

    I would totally do Hugh Laurie, Dr. McKay from Stargate Atlantis..
    I also have strange hot crushes on guys who do children’s shows. Steve from Blue’s Clues, ALL of the Imagination Movers…
    Is there a support group for that? Cuz, I might need it..

    Kendra’s last blog post..Monday’s Inquiring Minds (a day late)

  102. U know the “Harold and Kumar” movies? ..
    I wanna DO Kumar soooo freakin bad it almost hurts. It kinda freaks me out a little

  103. @habanerogal Do you really say it with an R? I know its there…I just can’t be bothered with forcing my mouth to say it that way…like real-tor.

    God..I sound like a horrible hick.

    Yet, I am the girl that argued with her English teacher that Often should definately have the T sound in it. She swore that the proper way to say it was Offen. Gah.

    Kendra’s last blog post..Monday’s Inquiring Minds (a day late)

  104. which weird-looking celebrities you would sleep with if you had the chance…

    Weird-looking? Bob Hoskins. He’s got a good build overall, plus I think he’d really pay attention the whole time and get the job done right.

    Or maybe that woman from the Progressive.com commercials. It’s like, you’d be right in the thick of things (so to speak), and she’d randomly say something hilarious. I would appreciate that.

    Except I’m a big homo. So I guess it’s Bob Hoskins, then.

    Evn’s last blog post..You still have your testicles. Now let go of them.

  105. Ok, I knew I was in trouble when The Bloggess herself said to “go wild” with the comments…but wow guys…just wow.

    Confession: I need a better doctor ’cause I do not seem to be gettin’ the good shit like y’all. All I get is stinking Xanex. And I am just as crazy as the next Bloggess reader. Trust me

    Word I hate: Dookey…I had a friend who’s mom named her dog Dookey. That is worse than calling the poor animal Shit.

    Celeb odd-ball that I would screw: Dave Navarro…scrub all the make-up off and strip him out’o those fishnets and OH BABY! Ok, maybe I could deal with the fishnets but I can’t sleep with a man that will leave lipstick rings on my nipples. If it’s a chick, well that’s diff.

    ps. Jenny you can give me lipstick rings if ya want. K bye

  106. Tamarin asks:

    Would you eat the jellybeans if you had a cat that pooped jellybeans?
    Heck, I eat stuff that comes out of a chicken vagina every morning! Chicken vagina, cat’s ass – viva la difference!

    And my local Korean restaurant serves dog now! I have proof!

    Sharkey!’s last blog post..Lost in Translation

  107. The best advice my mother ever gave me was to marry an ugly man, because he’ll treat you better. Evn’s right about Bob Hoskins; now there’s a man who’ll try harder to please you than he will to please himself. Dave Navarro is super hot (the only man in makeup I’ve ever found attractive), but I think he’d be selfish in bed.

  108. When I get mad around my toddler and want to curse, I say “poop on a stick”. I guess that’s kind of like a shitty corn dog.

    I hate when people say “supposably”. I also hate the words “fecal”, “gonads”, and “penis”.

    Weird celebrity I’d do? Hugh Laurie. And he better use his British accent while talking dirty to me. He can bring a cane too if he wants. Okay, he better bring the cane.

    I’d also do John Stewart but I totally wouldn’t admit that I actually did it. And then I would wish he was extinct.

  109. There’s absolutely no blog in the world that can gather as many comments as yours.

    And for the record, I confess that I was once locked of a gym locker room in my bra and panties. And they weren’t cute.

    As for a weird looking celebrity, it used to be Tom Selleck until I saw him on TV the other night and he looks like a used up alcoholic now. So much for that fantasy.

    BTW I can’t read THAT many comments for goddsakes.

  110. Oh Mah Gah

    chicken vagina might be the funniest thing ever

    This afternoon I was trying to talk my husband into reading The Bloggess and trying to expain about the giant flapping labia. It did not go well.

    BUT, I did forward him the Kitten Mitten segment, which he thought was hilarious. I will win him over, Jenny. This I vow.

  111. SMEGMA.

    I love the word smegma!

    Most people don’t know what it means.

    My world would have been complete if only you’d used smegma one time in conjunction with the giant labia…

  112. When I get mad around my toddler and want to curse, I say “poop on a stick”.

    You should say “crap on a crap cracker” instead.

  113. i’m bulimic which is horrifying and so guilt-inducing when you (and lots of other people) have a Real health issue; i’m totally head over heels in love with my ex who has, at this point, totally screwed me over twice; i have erotic dreams about Bud Cort from Harold and Maude ALL THE EFFING TIME (cheers to the commenter above); and sometimes when i find someone really really annoying, i want to – how explicit are we allowed to be in the comments? – i want to become intimately involved with their labia (or equivalent) and induce in them lots and lots of pleasure.

  114. Coinstar is a machine you use to dump all your coins into and it give you back dollars. Then they take a portion of your money. It’s for poor but lazy people. Sadly, we use it quite often.

  115. This woman is a comment-generating machine! In the words of an Italian chef “fresh offa da botta”:

    “She could serve up monkey ass and empty clam shell and people would still come to her site and comment.”

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Reading Aloud is a Pain to the AAS

  116. I think I have the answer for how to reverse the stock market’s downward spiral. Simply have The Bloggess ring the opening bell, and give a speech. Folks who want to comment have to buy stock first. The market’ll hit 15,000 in a matter of HOURS!

    Before it collapses like a Stanford-Madoff Ponzi scheme.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Things I did last weekend

  117. I’m not at all implying that I would like to sleep with the weird-looking celebrity Hannah Montana, though I am marginally convinced she has a penis.

    For the longest time, I thought Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus were sisters. And then one day at work I said something like, “I wonder if Billy Ray Cyrus is resentful that both of his daughters are outshining him,” and my assistant was all, “Both of his daughters?” And I was like, “Yeah, you know, Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana Cyrus.” And he went, “Oh for fuck’s sake…” and explained the situation to me.

    I would not have sex with Billy Ray Cyrus, by the way. I mean, maybe if I was drunk and Garth Brooks was ignoring me or something, but I think sex with Billy Ray Cyrus would be awkward, like he’d want to talk dirty, but he’d be really bad at it and keep referencing his career, i.e. “I’m gonna achy break your sweet ass, boy.”

    I was a normal person until I started reading this blog. Honest.

    Evn’s last blog post..The Other Side of the Deck

  118. Did any of you ever see an old playboy movie about a girl who had creamed corn rubbed all over her body by mulitple random men, an indian, a guy in a suit, etc…?

    I saw it more than 15 years ago and I still fantasize about random men rubbing creamed corn all over my body. I have never looked at creamed corn the same…

  119. Check it, Coinstar people. All you have to do is take your giant sack of change to an actual bank, and they will put it in thier machine and give you real money WITHOUT taking a cut. We did this a few months ago and got $600.

    Also, thing I like : bacon

    Creamed corn : ew

  120. When I was young, I fantasized about shrinking boys down to 4 inches tall and then giving them a guided docent tour of my naked body.

    Do you think sexual fantasies would have gone a more creative, art-film route like this if porn hadn’t gotten in the way?

    Steam me up, kid’s last blog post..Now I just need a comment pimp

  121. # 313 – I am in my mid-30’s, is enjoying cereal taboo?–

    I read this as cerebral tattoo.

    Other weird looking celebrities I’d have sex with:
    JK Simmons
    Ed Harris
    Lyle Lovett
    Steve Earle

    amy’s last blog post..I have had nothing to say

  122. I know I’m late to the party but I need to publicly state that I will not be happy until my face is printed on a button, too. Guy Kawasaki can keep all the web fame and bright green motorcycles but I *need* kellie-head buttons.

    kellie’s last blog post..It’s Fishstick Day!!

  123. Confession: I just read all of those damn comments.
    All guy’s junk should be refered to as “JUNK”. (“Guy” as in “Dude/Man/Dick Owner”, not “Kawasaki”)
    I would stand in line to lick Hugh.
    I’ve refered to the bloggess in blog posts and IRL.
    I hate that WTF and IRL and OMFG are part of my vocab.

    Amber Mc’s last blog post..Because my home is not cluttered enough

  124. After pondering the great wisdom in this comments thread (far more reliable than Wikipedia, imo), it has become evident that in order to leverage my weird-looking-ness into palpable sexual attraction, I must first become a celebrity (preferably one who has a hit TV show and speaks with an American accent even though he is British).

    Therefore, please watch for my new hit TV show, “Bungalow,” about a cranky, weird-looking doctor who is British but uses an American accent in order to sound particularly cranky when telling the other hospital staff how stupid they are. Did I mention he walks with a limp?

  125. Shoegirl, the only one of the three that could conceivably be considered weird-looking is Nick Cage. The other three are undeniebly hot, even though I still see Keanu Reeves as Bill. Or Ted. I can never remember which one he was, but he was smoking hot when I was 13 and he’s slightly-less smoking but still hot now.

  126. I would bang the shit out of Guy Kawasaki. He’s not weird looking though, unless you think Asians look funny. I have a thing for Asian men. He actually looks a lot like my husband, so that really doesn’t count because it would probably be like having sex with my Guy Kawasaki looking husband.

    So, my offical answer is Denis Leary. He’s totally weird looking and not Asain and I bet he can bring the thunder in bed.

    ZDub’s last blog post..Rigby Alfred Poodlesworth

  127. over 370 comments. WTF?? until i noticed that it’s like the same four people. y’all rock.

    i love the word suck, mostly because it rhymes with another of my favorite words and it makes my mom crazy.

    and i hate the word slacks. they are pants dammit. pants.

    Shawna’s last blog post..Top Ten Books from 2008

  128. @zdub you did NOT just call Denis Leary weird looking!! He is so hot, he makes me moist! Ha ha – I got moist in there, no not “moist “in” there – shit. Anyways, he’s mine so back off – as for the thunder, OMG I agree!
    ps doing my part to make 400…

  129. I once had a dream I was the queen of the Cheerio kingdom while I was on meds, so:
    a) Enjoy your drugs
    b) The littlest cheerio is a nark
    c) Share with the coinstar machine. It may be holding out on taking the best bits from between your couch cushions cause it knows you have the happy pills.

  130. The word “moist” and I just do not get along. Even though I used it in my last post.

    But that post made me feel all wierd inside so…

  131. So just got busted by the hubby for my last comment! But I busted him cheating on me with Jon Stewart so….

  132. Howzabout words we loooove? I get a giggle from testicular, which BTW is in the spellchecker on Flock. Doesn’t have common words nine times out of ten but testicular? Anywho, it just sounds funny and not even its frequently pairing with known downer cancer can stop me! I just pray no one I care about tells me they have testicular cancer. “Oh, Bob (which BTW, gets a titter too), snicker, that is just so, tee hee, terrible!”

    baal’s last blog post..

  133. (Through some glitch, the comment window held on tow hat I wrote and I can’t waste it! However, just so people don’t get bored reading the same thing twice I ran it through Babel Fish [http://babelfish.yahoo.com/translate_txt]to turn it into bad Italian)

    Howzabout li esprime loooove? Ottengo una risatina da testicolare, che il BTW è nel correttore sulla moltitudine. Doesn’ la t ha parole del terreno comunale nove volte su dieci ma testicolari? Anywho, suona appena divertente e non neppure il relativo frequentemente accoppiamento con il cancro conosciuto del tranquillante può arrestarlo! Prego appena nessuno la cura di I circa mi dice che hanno cancro testicolare. ” Oh, Bob (che il BTW, ottiene ad un titter ugualmente), snicker, che è appena così, hee del T, terribile!

    baal’s last blog post..

  134. just to clarify, we have no cable (so f’n rural) so we watch the next night on the web.

  135. A blog about nothing…Like a Sienfeld episode but with actual humor and we don’t get paid…

  136. I can’t believe I just read all 381 comments.

    Ok, yes I can.

    I don’t know which words I hate. I just know that I hate that when I’m in a conversation with someone (typically it happens with professors and congressmen/women) I have the urge to say OMG, BTW, IDK, and, of course, Phat. I sometimes slip and actually say it and then have to cover for myself. I blame my roommates.

    I would totally do Mickey Rourke. I love him! Dude is hot, fo sho!

    OO…I hate fo sho, coolio, and shizznit. For some reason, those words piss me off. IDK.

    Damn it!

    Sarah’s last blog post..What’s Wrong With Dental Care?

  137. Um…weird celebrities to sleep with? I pick Vincent Donofrio. Everyone thinks I’m crazy, but I believe him to be one of the sexiest men ever. I mean, have you seen him solve crimes on Criminal Intent? Hot.

    Alexis’s last blog post..Go Ahead and Listen