Kregg: So you still hurt? Can’t they just do like a total joint replacement?
Me: Exactly! Like on Wolverine where they replace all my bones with edamame.
Me: What did I say?
Me: Oh that wouldn’t work. My entire skeletal system replaced with steamed soybeans? I’d be a giant puddle.
Kregg: But when you get angry edemame would shoot out of your fingers. Delicious.
Me: And I’d totally eat them because I eat when I’m angry and the doctors would be all “Spit those beans out! You only get those! They won’t regenerate beans!”
Kregg: Plus you’d probably have to be refrigerated.
Me: And I’d get all mad at the doctors for only giving me one set of soybeans and they’d be all “You’re not like a plant, lady. You can’t just magically grow beans. This is science…not wizardry.”
Kregg: We live in primitive times, my friend.
Me: Fuck. I’m going to be doing meth forever. Or at least until science catches up with me.
Then we started talking about which piece of office furniture was heavy enough to break out my office window and one of us said something hysterical about snow or goblins or something. I wrote it down but it doesn’t make any sense now. I’d probably remember it if I wasn’t on so much meth. Or possibly it was only funny because I’m on meth. Either way it’s probably best forgotten but this is what the note says: “Snow in fountain for advertising. Goblin mascot.” Oh wait, it’s my grocery list. Now it all makes sense. Thanks, meth.
Comment of day: You know what scares me? That, some day, Jenny will wake up from the coma she is in, and realize that all of this – including all of *us* – was nothing but a coma-induced delusion. ~ EdT.