The other day Victor and I were taking Hailey to get a hair cut and she was all “Can I get my hair cut by a fish?” and Victor’s like “Uh…no. Fish don’t have arms, kid” and I’m all “Ohmygod we should totally glue arms onto fish” and Victor’s all “What?” and I’m like “We should glue baby doll arms on fish and then release them back into the wild because could you imagine if a fisherman caught a fish and it had arms and then it got away right before he got it in the boat and then for the rest of his life he’d be all ‘Some fish have arms!’ and he’d have a kick-ass story for the rest of his life.” And Victor just looked at me like I was the one with the problem and I’m just trying to bring a little magic into the world, asshole and then I said that we could staple mannequin arms onto giant marlins and Victor was all “Yeah, and then the marlin would be all ‘And now I can do the breaststroke!‘” and I’m all “EXACTLY!” and Victor’s like “I was being sarcastic. That’s the worst idea ever” and I’m all “I think you don’t know how sarcasm works” and then Hailey was all “Fishes with arms would be AMAZING” and I’m like “High-five, Hailey. Your daughter totally gets it, dude” and Victor’s all “She’s four” and I’m all “She’s awesome“. And then I wrote “We should glue arms onto fish” in my book-of-shit-to-remember but then I added “(baby doll arms…not human arms)” just in case anyone finds my book and thinks I’d glue human baby arms onto fish and it makes me a little sad that we live in a world where I even have to make that distinction.
Comment of the day: If I was a fisherman and I caught a fish with arms I’d expect it to give me three wishes and when it wouldn’t talk to me I’d rip its arms out and beat it to death with them. Then I’d regret what I’d done (killed the world’s first armed fish) and probably throw myself in the water. This is why I’m not a fisherman. I can’t take those kind of risks. ~ Fuiru