(Yes. I know my blog’s a bit broken. Trying to fix it now. Might end in a furious explosion. Just FYI.)
You know what I like about this t-shirt is it looks like you just got molested by Jesus. And at first people would be all “OMG, were you just molested?” but then they’d see the holes in the hands and be all “O-0h, false alarm. It’s just Jesus”. Because it’s totally okay to have two big hand-prints on your boobs as long as they’re Jesus’. Probably the Pope could get away with it too. The old Pope though. Not the new one. The old Pope looks like he’d adopt you and teach you kung fu. The new Pope looks like at any moment he might suddenly start eating people. Which would suck because at first you’d be all “Wow. That was unexpected. But the Pope is infallible so…maybe he’s supposed to be eating those people?” If I were there I’d hang around to see exactly who he was eating before I made a judgement because I’m open-minded. But if he like ate a baby duck or a kitten I’d be all “This dude’s bonkers” and I’d totally bail. That’s why if I ever go see the Pope I’m bringing a test kitten with me so I can toss it at him if he starts eating people. And also because everyone loves kittens and he’d be all “Oh! You have a kitten! Come up here and sit with me” and I’d be like “So there, Catholics. I didn’t even go to Catechism and I get to sit with the Pope. Maybe you should have spent a little less time not liking condoms and a little more time breeding kittens” and then I’d turn around and the kitten would be hanging out of the Pope’s mouth and I’d be all “Well, shit“. And that’s totally what would happen because God hates hubris. That’s why I’d bring someone else’s kitten. An expendable kitten. Also, I just realized that maybe the Pope would be eating kittens and people not because he’s an angry cannibal but maybe because he accidentally got turned into a zombie. And now I just feel sorry for him.
Related: Holy crap, y’all: “Happy Birthday, Jesus. ” (It’s “related” in the sense that both of these things will be hard to explain to God when I get to heaven. But I bet He’ll totally get it when I explain it to him. Except that He shouldn’t have to have it explained to Him because He’s “all knowing” so probably He’d totally get it before I even finished thinking about it. In fact, since everything we do is planned by God then technically it’s like He wrote this whole post. Which I don’t think speaks well for the New Pope. Or maybe it’s supposed to be ironic. Either way I think we should all laugh just in case so we don’t get struck by lightning. Good one, God.)
Updated: Okay, since I had to switch back to my original design for today I temporarily lost my little placeholders for my other blogs so for today I’m linking to them in the post: My Sex Column, which is surprisingly safe for work even though it might be blocked just for the title alone and my advice column, which is probably not blocked by your work even though it probably should be.
Comment of the day: I like that the shirt comes only in “Slim Fit”. Jesus loves most of us, but, you know, the others need to drop a few pounds before his hands are going there. ~Fairly Odd Mother