Argument I just had with my husband:
Victor: We should have another baby.
Me: TOTALLY! And then we can tattoo it.
Me: We could get it a tattoo of fang marks on its neck, like it’s been bitten by a vampire and is now a baby vampire. That would be awesome.
Victor: That’s..totally inappropriate.
Me: IT WOULD BE THE MOST BAD-ASS BABY EVER.
Me: Dude, vampires are *huge* right now.
Victor: What is wrong with you?
Me: Oh! Or racing stripes. But babies are really slow so we’d also have to tattoo “THESE ARE IRONIC RACING STRIPES” on him so people wouldn’t make fun of him.
Victor: That’s completely ridiculous. How about if we just tattoo a giant turtle’s shell across the baby’s entire back?
Me: What?! That’s ridiculous. Why a turtle shell?
Victor: Because babies are slow. And they crawl just like turtles. And people love turtles.
Me: People run over turtles. With their cars.
Victor: Not in your damn house they don’t. Were you planning on leaving our baby out in the middle of the street?!
Me: Well not the one tattooed as a turtle, obviously.
Me: Actually, probably not the one tattooed as a vampire either because then people would assume it was immortal and they wouldn’t bother to swerve.
Victor: You know, we probably shouldn’t have another baby.
Me: No. Probably not.
Comment of the day: I think you should tattoo “Mom” on it. That way, even if it hates you, it’ll still look like it loves you. Just try to rebel with THAT tattoo, asshole! (I mean the baby is an asshole, not you.) ~ Just A Girl