How to not get fired for social networking.

So according to Mashable, “45% of Employers Now Screen Social Media Profiles” and people are totally freaking out about it.  Easy solution: Make up a profile for your boss on Facebook. And make him a furry.  And update his status with stuff like “You know who I don’t trust?  The Koreans”, and “I often dream of blowing up my office building” and “I just had sex with my desk.  *UNCOMFORTABLE*.” and then show him his Facebook page and say “Sir, is this you?!” and when he denies it say “Oh.  Well, I didn’t think so but I had to check.  There’s someone on Facebook and twitter who pretends to be me too but it’s not me either so I totally know what you’re going through”.  Bingo. Now you can write anything you want on Facebook and plead total innocence because it’s “not you”. Then go back to your office and update your facebook status with “I think my boss wants to blow up the building” and he’ll be all “I never said that!” and you can be all “Dude. What are you talking about? Oh.  That’s just that fake-me replying to that fake-you.  It’s probably the same person messing with both of us.”  Then blame it on that girl down the hall you never liked.  This is win-win, y’all.

PS. You can use this site to make incriminating photos of him for his facebook albums.  Or you could obsessively insert your face into all the pictures to make a story about what would happen if you were the President and then get fired for playing on the internet too much.  That could happen too. These are the risks you take with social media.

PPS.  Someone needs to stop me.

If I were president I'd totally have parades like this. And also everyone gets free healthcare. And a pony. The pony is just to rub in Canada's face. Don't tell Canada.

If I were President I'd have parades like this every day. And also everyone gets free health-care. And a pony. The pony is just to rub in Canada's face. Don't tell Canada that though.

Also, all hot guys would tattoo my face on their chests.  And put my picture on their cell phones.  And wear them around their necks?  Honestly, I don't really understand what's happening in this picture either.

And then all hot guys would tattoo my face on their chests because I'm *that* good of a President. And they'd put my picture on their cell phones. And wear them around their necks, I guess? Honestly, I don't really understand what's happening in this picture either.

Then I change "Congress" into "Parliament" because it sounds funkier.  And I change the American flag to a picture of a hobo riding his free pony.  Because even hobos deserve ponies in this country.  Parliament loves it.  You can totally tell.

Then I change "Congress" into "Parliament" because it sounds funkier. And I change the American flag to a picture of a hobo riding his free pony. Because even hobos get ponies in America. Parliament loves it. You can totally tell.

He's more into than I am.

Also, when I'm President, Dane Cook will become obsessed with me and I'll have to get a restraining order because I'm already married, dude. Then he'll kidnap me and America will think it was Russia and then Parliament will attack and then Russia strikes back and then it's nuclear war for all of us. Nice work, Dane Cook.

The elderly have never liked me.

The elderly will blame me for the ensuing war against machine and man but luckily most of them are too old to survive the nuclear apocalypse so it's not that big of a loss in constituency for President-the-Bloggess. The elderly have *never* liked me.

This is me after the apocalypse.  And a breast reduction.  Apparently

And this is me after the apocalypse. And a breast reduction,apparently. I'm still tough as nails though and I eat rats for breakfast. We all do. That's what the future is like. Get ready.

History will remember me fondly.

History will remember me fondly.

Comment of the day: When you are president I am totally going to tattoo your face on my stomach and I am going to tattoo it on my free pony too. And then I am going to take my free pony and run over Dane Cook. Because Dane Cook has to learn to respect the president. ~ Lance Bass Ruined My Life

125 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Holy shit. I’m in love with apocalyptic Jenny now. Excuse me.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..And In Zion, we rejoice. #Icantfuckingbelieveit =-.

  2. OMG!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!! lol
    .-= Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts´s last blog ..Responsibility or Respect? =-.

  3. F*cking fantastic -this made my day.

  4. Well, at least Dane Cook will have someone around to teach him how to be funny :).Viva La Bloggess! (I’m surprised there was no Che Guevara photo)

  5. Holy fuck I love you and I will name my pony Jenny… Which is totally supposed to be a compliment.
    .-= Ally B ´s last blog ..Devil Kitty =-.

  6. Wow…what are you smoking? I totally want to be you when I grow up!

  7. This should be in some how-to book somewhere.
    .-= LivingWicked´s last blog ..TMIThursday: Choose Your Own Adventure: Poo-ban Legend =-.

  8. Wait. The Bloggress isnt you? Damn.
    .-= Screwed Up Texan´s last blog ..At Least the Nacho Cheese Dip was Good =-.

  9. Hilarious. Completely hilarious, as always.
    .-= jen´s last blog ..the nature of the pack =-.

  10. If I had a bloggess tatoo, I would wear it like a brand…not like a hot searing brand like on a bull…like a gang marking….either way it’s HOT!
    .-= Alfred´s last blog ..It’s the trees….THE TREES! =-.

  11. I have problems with the future I’m afraid. Where’s the picture of you and the kittens? Because if every hobo is going to get a pony – aren’t you also going to supply them with Kitten Mittens as well? I mean…You ARE intending on being a bad ass President aren’t you? You’ll never get the Hobo vote without….And Dane Cook will leave you, I’m sure.
    .-= Kerrie´s last blog ..It’s Like Leaving Las Vegas – But It Was Palm Springs =-.

  12. Gold star for The Bloggess! This was hilarious!
    .-= Nanette´s last blog ..Bounce and babble =-.

  13. OMG! Jenny!!! I’m coming by your house tonight! You need to be checked on!!!

  14. Ummm, AWESOME. The Bloggess 2012, right? You could kick Sarah Palin’s ass. 😉
    .-= Kyla´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Vacation! =-.

  15. Hot guys should totally tattoo you on their chest- the Beck is my fav.
    .-= Zoe Right´s last blog ..TMI Thursday =-.

  16. You crack me up. I just started reading your blog like what 2 weeks ago and love it.
    .-= Carolyn´s last blog ..The BronzeWord Latino Virtual Book Tour continues with Raul Ramos y Sanchez =-.

  17. but what if my boss IS a furry? Because I have it on good authority that he is. And by “good authority” I mean “I totally made that up”.
    .-= miss thystle´s last blog ..Phobia =-.

  18. … I think I’m in love.

    .-= Liv´s last blog ..“Were it possible, all I would ask… would be for a… =-.

  19. I may have to quit my job just so I have enough time to make myself the centre of all the photos I’ve always wished I was part of. Genius.

    Also, my boss is all pro-Twitter. Except that I have a super-professional work account, and I stole my husband’s last name so that I can act like a retard on the Internet and not have anyone professional ever know it’s me, thereby allowing me to talk about how much fun being drunk is on my preferred Twitter account. Also kind of genius.
    .-= emvandee´s last blog ..Drunken Spaghetti. =-.

  20. 20

    In some of these pictures you kind of look like Judy Garland. Have you been enjoying a lot of Judy Garland Trail Mix lately? I didn’t even know that looking like her was one of the side effects but I’m out of the loop quite often, these days.

  21. 22
    Justice Pie

    Hilarious! Bring on the rats!

  22. 23
    The infamous Joe

    I hate to break it to you, but it’s not a breast reduction. Your body grew massive due to the effects of radiation, but boobs, being all around awesome, are resistant to radiation.

    Just an FYI. Or a PSA. Both? Yeah, both.

  23. Am I to be correct in thinking you will be giving away ponies if you become president? Because, well, I want one. More than a twenty-four year old women should. I’m like obsessed with the idea of getting a pony and riding it to work and shit. And just acting as though I really care about the environment, so I can’t use a car, but my kick ass pony. That being said, I’m writing you in on my next presidential ballot. I will start a one woman campaign to get your ass in office…so I can get my friggin’ pony

  24. you are always so awesome… I mean badass.

  25. 26
    Just A. Reader

    I’m on the way to get my Bloggess tattoo right now.

  26. HA! Those pictures are probably the most badass thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I’m totally checking out that site NOW
    .-= Taylor´s last blog ..TMI Thursday: I’m Still A Lady =-.

  27. I just want to know how to make myself a tattoo on a hot guy because the rest of your blog post sort of went in and out once I saw that. Did you say something about health care and Dane Cook? Those two are totally linked in my mind, too.
    .-= Julie Pippert´s last blog ..Why Playing the Whore Card in Reference to Mombloggers is So Not Cool =-.

  28. you are awesome…you make me literally laugh out loud EVERYTIME I read a post…
    I especially love this one!!!!!

  29. LMAO. This is beyond brilliant.
    .-= Chloe´s last blog ..Go to Sleep, Little Baby. =-.

  30. 31
    Guy Voting for Blogess

    I’m with you all the way. Except for the breast reduction.

  31. This is effin hilarious…my favorite would have to be you tattoo’d on Becks! 🙂
    How did I not follow you sooner?? Stupid me!
    .-= Lil’ Wpman´s last blog ..She Knows Me To Well… =-.

  32. best. bloggess. ever.

  33. [snort] That’s all I’ve got.
    .-= Elizabeth´s last blog ..Thanks, Darryl =-.

  34. Do you spend all your days playing with Photoshop and coming up with plans on making Canada jealous and ways to start a war with Russia? Because I’m kinda jealous.
    .-= Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Month 3 Day 21 =-.

  35. If I give you my picture can you make me into a tattoo on Beckham’s chest? OH WAIT! It could be me and you and we’d have like our own little Mt. Rushmore of MommyBloggers to be tattooed on Becks.
    .-= MammaLoves´s last blog ..Sometimes You Just Have to Think About Something =-.

  36. Wait, I may have missed the connection…
    .-= amo´s last blog ..Definitely on my Top Ten "This Must be Hell" List =-.

  37. Are you wearing a Bump-it in that apocalypse photo, or is it just a good hair day? Because if you’re planning on Bumping-it after the apocalypse, let me know. I’m pretty sure you’ll be the apocalypse’s “It Girl” and Bump-Its will become the nuclear winter’s must have accessory. I’ll stock up and maybe trade them for antibiotics and livestock when the time comes. Because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of not eating your dead neighbors. That’s how the expression will go after the apocalypse.
    .-= Steam me up, kid´s last blog ..Steamy’s School for Fantastic Good Awarding =-.

  38. You kill me! In that machine gun pic you look just like Gennifer (sp? the hell with that spelling anyways) Goodwin.
    .-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Sam =-.

  39. Just so you know, I hope you didn’t copyright that idea about the fake social networking thing. Because I’m stealing it. Fair warning.
    .-= NaysWay´s last blog ..Fancy Clothes =-.

  40. Ok now I will never get any work done. I cannot stop putting my face (my husband’s face, my bosses face, etc etc etc) on all of those pics! If I get fired, I am so blaming you. Do you think if we turned the twitter army on my boss, he would hire me back?

  41. See, now I can’t even spell!

  42. I totally need to install photoshop.
    .-= Jules´s last blog ..Back to School – Day One =-.

  43. I didn’t use photoshop for this at all. Just and It’s like photoshop for dumb people. They should totally hire me to do their marketing.

  44. Awesome topic! Since you brought it up, maybe you’ll get a chance to answer the question I posted on your advice column about this type of thing last week. I cleverly used the name “I’m not sure it’s safe to say…”

    Scroll down to the question at “August 12, 2009 12:18”

  45. Fuck. Well there goes my weekend *sigh*

    Why do you keep telling me about awesome stuff like this!?!? I’m not going to get laid now because I will be too busy playing with PhotoFunia. And it’s ALL YOUR FAULT.

    .-= Jelly´s last blog ..My holiday – The good, the bad, and the embarrassing. =-.

  46. As horrible as all that sounds, you would *STILL* be a better president then George W. Bush.
    .-= LB @Wait, She Said What?´s last blog ..Blogging while hyperventilating is probably a bad idea. =-.

  47. OMG, that woman in the Furry picture you linked to IS MY BOSS!!

  48. Dood! Canada totally reads your blog. Now we all know. That being said, I don’t think I would want a pony. I’m just not a horse kind of girl. Now a Llama or an Alpaca? THEN you’d be talking.
    .-= melistress´s last blog ..Cranky on a Tuesday =-.

  49. We, and by we – I mean Canadians although I am technically still an American but since Canadians hate Americans, I don’t mention it much – don’t need ponies because we have oil – lots of it – and will be driving our big trucks long after everyone in the lower 48 have hitched their ponies up to red wagons or forced old people to pull ricksaws to earn their pensions.

    Very cool pics, by the way.
    .-= annie´s last blog ..A Big Dump =-.

  50. Those pictures are fantastic! Becks looks even better with your face tattooed on his chest.
    .-= Amanda´s last blog ..Who’s Ready For Project Runway?? =-.

  51. Behold, the Jennypocalypse!

    It’s okay here in the future, but President Mutated Rat-Brain is something of a dictator and sadist, AND he took away our ponies, which was all we had now we’re all technically hoboes…hobos…hobii….homeless. Bring back President Jenny Badass!
    .-= Slippy of the future´s last blog ..How to not get fired for social networking. — =-.

  52. You know, now that I think of it, I don’t really worry about saying things on networking sites, because my boss is just as profane and messed up as I am. Like the other day, when I told my boss that I have a penis? He just laughed and asked if it was my husband’s. And when I started rumors that he was pregnant with his boss’ baby? Took a sip of his bourbon and said, “Might be. I am late.”
    .-= MonsteRawr´s last blog ..Fuck you, Universe! =-.

  53. I totally wish I had that kind of free time. Wait – you get paid for this. That’s bullshit. And unfair.

  54. That is so hilarious! Love it!
    .-= Mrs Soup´s last blog ..You Capture – Peace =-.

  55. Awesome.
    .-= Veronica´s last blog ..The House =-.

  56. Wait hot guys don’t already tattoo your face on their chests? Next, you’re going to tell me that the Roaming Gnome isn’t real. *sad sigh*
    .-= Condo Blues´s last blog ..How to Make Nontoxic Blowing Bubble Mix =-.

  57. A–that’s the best David Beckham ever looked and B–I’d totally vote for you as president. Because let’s face it, what other country would want to f*ck with us then? NO ONE, not even North Korea. If you can take down William Shatner, you can take down anybody.

  58. I would stab Dane Cook in the eye with a dull steak knife if he was hunched all over me like that. Ew.
    .-= blissfully caffeinated´s last blog ..I’m still not here, but I am over there =-.

  59. Can I get a painted pony?



    .-= peedee´s last blog ..Once a monster always a monster. =-.

  60. My son keeps asking me for something to eat and I can’t tear myself away from PhotoFunia!
    .-= Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: Missing My Hometown =-.

  61. As always – you crack me up!

  62. Brilliant!
    .-= Nap Warden´s last blog ..Ghosts of Dating =-.

  63. So you are saying if I change my twitter and facebook avatars I will be able to get a job. Plausible Deniability.

    .-= Dijea´s last blog ..Maybe its a TOOMAH… =-.

  64. My facebook is so boring my boss probably falls asleep reading it. That’s only because my family is on facebook. But my bosses haven’t asked me to be their friends yet. Not like a couple of my co-workers have had happen to them.
    Kinda makes having fun no fun anymore.
    .-= Jennifer A´s last blog ..Things I never thought I’d have to explain to a 4 year old. =-.

  65. Just when I think that you can’t get any funnier…you get funnier! And, by the way, I’d vote for you!
    .-= slacker-chick´s last blog ..Spewing Stuff (but not in a gross way) =-.

  66. Eating rats for breakfast actually reduces ones breast size.
    .-= William´s last blog ..Stranger Celebrity =-.

  67. I have no idea what to say. You are fucking funny, even though I just spit my wine on my keyboard.
    .-= Lesley´s last blog ..How to Feel 10 Years Younger without Botox =-.

  68. […] First Tweet 6 hours ago thebloggess TheBloggess Highly Influential How not to get fired for using twitter and facebook. view retweet […]

  69. Hilarious, Dane Cook looks like he likes some necrophilia (allegedly) action.
    .-= Mik´s last blog ..Mad skillz she has, me not so much =-.

  70. A post so perfect…

    so funny…

    so brilliant…

    I must stand and let out a….

    .-= Alli Worthington´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.

  71. WOW you clever bunny- how did you do that?
    .-= lindasue´s last blog ..CAMPING =-.

  72. Holy crap! When you are president I am totally going to tattoo your face on my stomach and I am going to tattoo it on my free pony too. And then I am going to take my free pony and run over Dane Cook. Because Dane Cook has to learn to respect the president.

  73. I dunno, I’d be careful. Victoria Beckham totally looks like she would cut a bitch in a greased second.

    pee ess…my pony will be eaten in case of Apocalypse, so it’s okay if you want to send the fattest, laziest pony imaginable to my domicile.

  74. Okay, I admit it.. I lol’d. It’s brilliant.

    Also, why aren’t you using pretty-links yet? A future president knows better than to miss out on valuable SEO.

    .-= Ken´s last blog ..kenop: Art & Copy – A movie about advertising and inspiration:


  75. damn, woman, you know if there’s a pony, i’m in!

    i think you may have given me my favourite new site with photofunia – if i can just stop crying with laughter over the tattooed babies post, i’ll go play
    .-= Sheila (@stinginthetail)´s last blog ..Did i ever pretend to be normal? =-.

  76. Totally unrelated, but not really.

    I was watching this horrible program called 1,001 Ways To Die and one of the stories was about this guy who got really high and wandered upon a bunch of “furries” in the dessert, but none of them would let him play along because he was all gross and human-y looking so he found one furry that was sitting on the outskirts of the camp all by itself and tried to get with it, only as it turned out it wasn’t a “furry” after all. It was a bear.

    Sorry for the share. No one deserved that.
    .-= Kaylynn´s last blog ..It Came from Outerspace… =-.

  77. mostly, i’m just really into you as a raven-tressed rat-eater. especially the raven-tressed portion. nothing against rats, or eating them, only — it sounds a lot like that show Dave Chapelle made fun of as a crackhead, but i didn’t watch it because it was boring (the show about eating rats, not Dave C) and DAMN but i wish Dave Chapelle’s show were still on. i would probably be watching it right now. wondering what the name of that rat-eating reality show was. and longing for a good, crunchy pickle.

  78. Your suggestions are sheer brilliance. I suspect that your IQ must be upwards of 140+, because you come up with things that never occur to moi.

    Off to make my boss’s facebook page…
    .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Have you noticed? =-.

  79. So–besides OMG for Photofunia (I don’t even own an iPhone–shit!–I hate AT&T) for the narcissistically-inclined among us–are you saying that we can be friends on fb? Because the thought of THAT made my fucking nanosecond. I’ll be checking on that, you know I will. You are so cute in rollers, I love everyone of those photos. That must make me obsessed with you, or nostalgic…
    .-= La Framéricaine´s last blog .."Somewhere Under The Rainbow…" =-.

  80. “every” “one”
    .-= La Framéricaine´s last blog .."Somewhere Under The Rainbow…" =-.

  81. Perhaps the funniest blog post I have read in quite some time. Excellent. Sharing with friends immediately.
    .-= Jonathan´s last blog ..Almost Las Vegas =-.

  82. What kind of cardboard boxes will the hobo’s ponies sleep in?

    We should probably ask Dane Cook. He started all this shit.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Burnin’ Down the House =-.

  83. And you would personally be responsible for the ‘greening’ of America and saving the world from Global Warming – because just THINK what we could do with all that pony poop. We could stop using fertilizers on farms. We would have vegetable gardens in the cities and our carbon footprint would drop to ZERO. You, YOU are my hero.
    .-= lceel´s last blog ..Friday Haiku – Pluto =-.

  84. Oh I think history will remember you fondly no matter what.
    .-= nikki´s last blog ..Baby Crack =-.

  85. You just made my day with your ridiculous nonsense! I love you Jenny!

  86. I really don’t care what you do as President as long as I can have a pic like that of David Beckham autographed by you. Also…here’s something that pisses me off about the White House. Every single year I send the President and family a flipping Christmas card. (yes. yes, I do. Also I sent a wedding invitation when I got married – to which I recieved an awesome response letter. Thankyouverymuch. Which is now framed.) So I send an X-mas card each and every stinking year and just ONE of these years I would really, really REALLY like to get one back!!! So, that is an expectation I have for you when you are President. Or else I reserve the right to vote for you for a second term. Oh, wait, I have that right anyway. Well, I will tell all my friends to not vote because you don’t send Christmas cards out. Crap, are you a Jew? I’d still like a dredal or something like that. Seriously…
    .-= So Not Mom-a-licious´s last blog ..Would these searches really make for interesting blogs? =-.

  87. Great, now I can’t stop wondering if my boss is actually a furry. Or the guy i know who actually IS a furry (a piece of information I could have done without).

    I’m going to try and think up names for my free pony to take my mind off it…
    .-= Dani´s last blog ..The advice he was given was to say he lost a bet…to his dog… =-.

  88. Honestly. Sarah Palin doesn’t stand a chance. Especially now that the Russians kidnapped her. They just reached across and snatched her. Dane Cook told me so.
    .-= LiLu´s last blog ..The Shiz My Friends Say, Vol. I =-.

  89. Thank you for pointing out that the elderly hate you. ‘Cause I was afraid I might be elderly but I don’t hate you so, whew.

    On an unrelated note, I think you should block William Shatner because he only unblocked you because you were on TV. That’s so superficial and you don’t need that nonsense. Plus he probably thinks that anyone who appears on TV is perfectly sane, which is clearly untrue (i.e., see “William Shatner”– “my best’) (also see “Phil Specter”–but wear a bulletproof vest).

  90. My new favorite bedtime story. I will make the City Boy read it to me every night.
    .-= Em´s last blog ..Coming Home to Conflict =-.

  91. Parliament does sound cooler and have you seen the British in action in theirs? A lot more fun than some boring speech (unless it has discussion of the series of tubes that are the internets) that usually happens in ours. Now to go and start making fake fb pages just in case I should need them.
    .-= beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..3 for 3 Friday =-.

  92. What does Victor think of you being president? If he’s against it he should be afraid because your army of minions took down William Shatner, so really the army can take down ANYONE!
    .-= LB @Wait, She Said What?´s last blog ..I survived the spider attack and now people are asking me masturbation advice. =-.

  93. Or? You could make your Facebook page private.

    Totally love the Dane Cook picture, btw.
    .-= –V´s last blog ..Still here =-.

  94. I don’t know why, but the Beckham tat is extremely disturbing…

  95. Haha! That was too funny!
    .-= Trish´s last blog ..How to Make a Filled Tutu =-.

  96. You. Are a genius. Thank you for existing…and being crafty with Photoshop. Bless you, Blogess…Bless you.
    .-= PineappleBabble´s last blog ..IF YOU ARE AT THIS SITE IT MEANS WORDPRESS IS STILL MESSED UP! =-.

  97. Damn – someone had some fun with Photoshop this week!
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..You make me want to Friday… =-.

  98. Love the photoshop expertise… and the last one… History will be kind to you… I prefer, History will be kind to me, for I will Wiki it! Keep on keeping on Sista! Love your brain!

  99. 101

    I love your insanity so much more than I love my own.

  100. if I had a job I would use these tactics, they are beautiful.
    .-= Jules´s last blog ..Is The Word “Feminist” Broken? =-.

  101. That photo site rocks it! Thank you so much, and btw, I lurve your website. You are too funny….

  102. Hmm…Ponies would cut road rage in half….it’s hard to give someone the finger then saunter by on a pony with a strait face.

  103. I had to send this to friends and now I believe they are setting up fake Facebook sites.
    .-= Carolyn´s last blog ..The Barefoot Contessa & I: Or how Ina can suck it =-.

  104. That one where you’re lying in bed looks like you’re dead.

    But hey, that turns some people on. Maybe even your boss. So double win.

  105. […] The Bloggess provides instructions for how not to be fired for social networking. […]

  106. You guys are giving me way too much credit. I swear, I don’t even know how to open Photoshop. It’s just and Super easy.

  107. So very funny! I can start my weekend with a smile now, thank you!
    .-= DJ´s last blog ..Progesterone Update =-.

  108. so i’ve been playing with photofunia and i really like it because i’ve been able to tell which hairstyles look good on me.

    marilyn monroe locks…not so much.

    unwashed, stringy, straight shoulder length + a goatee…awesome!
    .-= erin´s last blog letter to sandy and tricia mcilree =-.

  109. The hairstyle in the Dane Cook one really suits you. You look a bit pale, though. Maybe if we give you a bit of color…
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..#75 But Wait, There’s More! =-.

  110. 113

    You mean you’re NOT the President………?!?!!!!?!!

    Who the fuck IS?!?!?!??!?!?

  111. Hi Jenny, thanks for introducing my to PhotoFunia, it is amazing. Also thanks for the great advice on my blog, you were a big help!
    .-= Chas Underwood III´s last blog ..#54 – Quoting Literature =-.

  112. I want that blogess tattoo.

  113. I keep trying to wear my cell phone around my neck, but when I bend over and stand back up it smacks me in the face, so now I have a broken nose and a black eye and I am totally getting a restaining order on David Beckham, bastard.
    .-= mountainmomma18´s last blog ..I love a bad attitude =-.

  114. Jenny, I adore you.
    You’re fantastically humorous and lovable on here but, in person. You’re so much better. 🙂
    You make me wanna hop in the car and come to Houston 🙂
    .-= rachel-asouthernfairytale´s last blog ..Your Opinion, No Really.. I Want It. =-.

  115. The ponies are a much better idea than new GMs or Chryslers. However, you need to pass a law requiring METRO to allow ponies on their buses/light rail. ‘Cuz those ponies have to do something to pay for the food they eat, hay!

    .-= EdT.´s last blog ..Top Chef: Vegas, Baby! =-.

  116. OMG, LOVE it! That was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while..
    .-= The Bare Essentials Today´s last blog ..And BI the way….I sometimes do dick! =-.

  117. I have now set up a special beastiality facebook profile just for prospective employers…I think it gives me a real advantage over college grads…

  118. Please tell me you only went with Dane Cook because of that picture… I mean, c’mon, you are WAY funnier (read: more psychotic) than Dane Cook. And I’ll bet Posh Spice is all jealous of her hubby sporting your tatoo on his abs and cell phone. Bet she only gives him the pouty look and no sex for like a month (OK, a week, her hubby has that bod, who the hell could hold out for a whole month? Mother Theresa would have totally fucked him.)… what was I saying? Oh yes, a shower, I need a shower… you don’t have a monster-theif-beating-dildo I can borrow while I take my ‘shower’ do you?
    .-= Aria’z Ink´s last blog ..Hubby’s Ex-Boss Needs A Kick In The Crotch and I Predict Best Buy Will Be Going Out Of Business If They Don’t Change Their Ways =-.

  119. That picture of David Beckham has me snorting diet coke out my nose b/c it totally took me like 15 minutes to notice the tattoo of your face on his stomach.

    Well played.
    .-= Just Shireen´s last blog ..Time the Fuck Out =-.

  120. Gosh, how long did that take you? My first visit here (via your apology from DOOCE!!!) and lovin’ your work!
    Have no idea who the Dane character is, but dwelled on the Beckham image for QUITE some time… heh.
    .-= Bush Babe´s last blog ..BAN the BABIES =-.

  121. […] August The Bloggess, whom I love pure and chaste from afar, wrote “How not to get fired for using social networking” — speaking of which, while you’re in the neighborhood, I also recommend her […]

  122. 125
    Lady Penelope

    I’d like to see the outtakes from the Beckham pics please.
    I find it impossible to believe that you had this image of him and all you did was tattoo your face on his torso…

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