This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t an asshole):
This week on the internets:
- The Bloggess Army opened up. I don’t run it, or write it, or even have access to it. It was created by the self-named Bloggess Army who made it their mission in life to violently force William Shatner to unblock me on twitter and then after he did they wandered around aimlessly, bumping into walls and not showering. Then they decided since no one else was blocking me at the time they’d focus their army on promoting worthy, non-ridiculous causes instead and even started a website. Then they’re all “That’s okay, right?” and I’m like “NO. You are supposed to be getting Amy Sedaris to be my best friend, you assholes” and they’re all “But…childhood cancer awareness? Maybe that’s important too?” and I’m like “IS IT AS IMPORTANT AS ME BEING ABLE TO BRAID AMY SEDARIS’ HAIR WHENEVER I WANT TO?” and they’re all “Uh. Probably?” This is exactly why most people don’t even bother to have minions. Also, I didn’t like their banner so I had to make one for them. It’s like I’m working for them. Plus, I’m pretty sure childhood cancer still exists even though the website’s been up for fucking days now. So, yeah, we all lose.
- Yesterday fark.com put me on their front page and called me “amusing”, which was very flattering. Then I got flooded with comments like this: “You’re so fucking pathetically retarded that it’s cringe-worthy. Your husband’s a strong man dealing with a women [sic] who’s [sic] intelligence rivals a brain-damaged squirrels [sic].” Honestly, it’s like he was trying to cheer me up.
This week on my mommy blog on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome: