It’s like Rattlesnake Round-up except instead of rattlesnakes it’s blog posts. Also, Victor just pointed out that some States don’t even *have* Rattlesnake Round-up and won’t get the reference. Basically, one day a year everyone goes out and rounds up all the stray rattlesnakes. Pretty self-explanatory. I can only assume that States that don’t do Rattlesnake Round-ups are overrun with snakes. This is why I never leave Texas.

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    This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t an asshole):

    This week on my mommy blog on the Houston Chronicle, which is usually snarky but this week was so sentimentally pitiful that I had to up my antidepressant dosage:

    This week on the internets:

    • Nothing, really.

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-write-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    45 replies. read them below or add one

    1. I don’t have Rattlesnake Roundup where I live, but then again I’m not sure there are that many rattlesnakes in London. Although my fridge does have a habit of rattling in the dead of night. Maybe that’s where they all are. Help.

      And for what it’s worth, I thought your Good Mom/Bad Mom posts were lovely.
      .-= Baking Mad Mama´s last blog ..Fly away with me (not literally, as it’s guaranteed to be somewhat hellish) =-.

    2. I think you’re being entirely insensitive to your international readers who do not live in states (with or without Rattlesnake Roundups).

      Do you hate Canadians?
      .-= Holly´s last blog ..Good News Bad News =-.

    3. I don’t do snakes. Not even pictures of snakes. There will be no rounding up of any such snakes here. None. Zero.

      I really hate snakes. I’m like, so terrified I cannot stop rambling on….

      http://www.booshy.wordpress.com
      .-= Jessica´s last blog ..i’m not yelling. i’m getting even. =-.

    4. I think I just tried to leave a comment…and it disappeared. Soo…basically all I said was: I don’t do snakes. There will be no rounding up of snakes if I’m within ten miles…

      http://www.booshy.wordpress.com
      .-= Jessica´s last blog ..i’m not yelling. i’m getting even. =-.

    5. Happy Birthday to Hailey. Those pictures alone make me want to cry. She is so sweet and beautiful.
      P.S. I do believe that is the longest blog post title I have ever seen.
      .-= Momish´s last blog ..Pfft Ethics =-.

    6. Thanks for the reminder about the power of a four-year old’s imagination…. we all need to close our eyes more often, and believe what we see do!!
      .-= Kate´s last blog ..Shorter days…. =-.

    7. I’ve never seen a rattlesnake. And I live in Washington. I think there are rattlesnakes here, but I’m not sure. Hey – I got a red wig! Yay! You inspired my decision to buy one (now I have 8).
      .-= Gabrielle Valentine´s last blog ..Now I’m A Red Head. This Is Fun. AND Addictive. =-.

    8. Um, my husband says that you got the name wrong. It’s not a ball warmer. It’s a dick sock. Sheesh. Get it together!
      .-= Tiffany´s last blog ..A Friday Funny =-.

    9. …what the hell do you DO with the rattlesnakes after you catch them? That’s why I never leave Maine.
      .-= Woman with Kids´s last blog ..Duck violence =-.

    10. Um, the stray rattlesnakes? Like they got away from their owners? And you round them up so you can check the tags on their little rattlesnake collars? 😉

      PS- I’m totally from Texas. So I get it….

    11. We don’t have rattlesnake roundups in New York, but we do surreptitiously mail any we find to Texas. Especially any blog posting rattlesnakes. Because that’s just freaky. Plus, all they type is ‘sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss’ and half the time they don’t even use their sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssspell checker.
      In any case, sorry, we thought you liked them down there.

    12. Rattlesnakes…nope can’t even say the words without wanting to shed my own skin. Tis another reason I don’t live in Houston, or the arid desert of So Cal, anymore. Too many venomous reptiles…and I’m not just talking about the ones with no legs! And gosh, I thought ya’ll liked them, down there?
      .-= Audrey at Barking Mad´s last blog ..Breaking Up on Facebook…It’s Not Me, it’s YOU! =-.

    13. How do they round up the rattlesnakes? I mean, snakes aren’t really the kind of animal that anyone with a wool sweater and an adorable talking pig can herd into a corral. I think that would have made the movie more exciting, though. Snakes are more dangerous and edgy than sheep. I bet Chris Noonan is kicking himself for not thinking of that. Suck it, Chris Noonan.

      I only know who Chris Noonan is because I googled him – well, I didn’t google him specifically. That would have been impossible since I didn’t know who he was before I googled him and I’m not psychic and google hasn’t invented ESP yet either. I’m sure they’re working on it.
      .-= Allie´s last blog ..Letters: Volume 1 (Descent Into "Totally Inappropriate and Actually a Little Crazy-Sounding" Territory) =-.

    14. We totally had rattlesnakes growing up in Wyoming, but we never rounded them up. I feel as though I missed out! I do remember my dad running the car tire back and forth over one while we kids hung out the window cheering. Pesky things.
      .-= Moriah´s last blog ..Packages ARE important =-.

    15. The movie also should have taken place on a plane and instead of an adorable talking pig, they should have gotten Samuel L. Jackson. They would have saved a lot of money on animation if they just thought of casting Samuel L. Jackson a little sooner. I mean, his lips move all by themselves. It would have been like child’s play.
      .-= Allie´s last blog ..Letters: Volume 1 (Descent Into "Totally Inappropriate and Actually a Little Crazy-Sounding" Territory) =-.

    16. I’d probably feel a lot less stupid right now if I’d gotten my second comment in before anyone else commented. Now my second comment is just sitting there all by itself, begging people to read it and ask “what the fuck is she talking about?? What does a pig have to do with anything?”
      .-= Allie´s last blog ..Letters: Volume 1 (Descent Into "Totally Inappropriate and Actually a Little Crazy-Sounding" Territory) =-.

    17. Thats going on my list of reasons never to visit Texas, or leave New Zealand ever again. Ah my joyful snake-free haven!

    18. I think they rounded up all the snakes on The Simpsons once. And they were going to kill them all! And I was so upset, of course. But they didn’t. They let them all slither into the sunset. At least that’s how I remember it….
      .-= Haley-O´s last blog ..Cats on the Table =-.

    19. Rattlesnake round up?…that’s sounds like one of those Western things. Here in the east we have bunnies, squirrels and deer. My sister lives out west and she’s got rattlesnakes, tarantulas and scorpions. I prefer the sound of Bunnies Round-up. I’m going to start a club.
      .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Vomit Sunday =-.

    20. I live in (East) Texas also. Damn rattlesnakes. And scorpions. And squirrels. And pit bull dogs. And helicopter-sized mosquitos.
      .-= Martie´s last blog ..These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things And A few I Detest… =-.

    21. I love that blog title! And why would anyone want to gather deadly snakes together? You’re just giving them an opportunity to band together and execute a coup! Don’t let the rounders become the roundees…or something like that. Anyway, I love your blog and because of that I thought I’d share this with you!
      You’ve just received the “One Lovely Blog Award”
      See for Details: http://whatswrongwithmommy.blogspot.com/2009/09/one-lovely-blog-award.html
      .-= Jeniel´s last blog ..One Lovely Blog Award!! =-.

    22. Motherflipping snakes in the motherflippin round up – it had to be done. I think? did it?
      .-= Deidre´s last blog ..At least it’s raining… =-.

    23. okay, so I wait anxiously for these rattlesnake…err…post round-ups. is it because I can be lazy and read all your posts at once? no! well, yes…but that is only a secondary benefit. the primary reason is because I can’t wait to see the drama ensuing in your “isht that happened to me this week when I wasn’t here” banner! I want a banner with a forlorn-looking me! that would quite possibly complete me.

    24. Victor was right. I would have had no clue what a Rattlesnake Round-up was. Is it a game? Do you win something if you catch more then everyone else? If so, what do you win? How can they expect people to catch them if they’re dangerous?

      We don’t have rattlesnakes here, thank god! Except maybe in the zoo but that’s their problem. So it’s safe for you to come to any of the New England states. You can now start to travel. You’re welcome!
      .-= LB @Wait, She Said What?´s last blog ..Moronic Monday – The Wii is more powerful then drugs. =-.

    25. Four is noffing compared to five, or six, or seven…I hardly believed it myself, by it just keeps getting better. The only bad part about kids getting older is that you eventually become their chauffeur.
      .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..What’s in your mouth? =-.

    26. Came across your blog from another blog…

      Never heard of a rattlesnake roundup around here… most likely why my friend’s dad got bit by one. I’m thinking we should really get with the program.

      And the knitted ball warmers… hilarious! Had me cracking up. Don’t think my hubby would appreciate them much, though. I love your blog, by the way, and I hope you don’t mind if I come back.
      .-= Michelle´s last blog ..Monkeytoes =-.

    27. I once watched a porno that was just like a Rattlesnake Roundup but instead of cowboys it was whores and instead of rattlesnakes it was extra large penises.

      It was really more of a wrestling match than a roundup, though.

      Nevermind.

      Completely different.
      .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Back in the Saddle…but Now I Have a Heating Pad =-.

    28. This is going on my list of reasons why Texas should be kicked to the curb by the rest of the 64 states. Why can’t you do something civilized like Pakistani Cab Driver Roundup?? Fucking Texans…..
      .-= dubiousMa´s last blog ..If The End Result Means I Get to Be Nekkid, These Are My New Pantry Staples =-.

    29. Rattlesnake roundup? Two words:
      Billy. Jack.

    30. I wonder if they sell those ball warmers on Etsy. I’d hate to think that my ball warmer purchase was helping to contribute to global warming, or even worse, The Man. Plus, it’s nice to think that someone lovingly poured over every stitch before sending off their little baby to me.

    31. So this weekend I was out enjoying breakfast when I glanced up and had a “I know that chick” moment. Lo and behold it was you and your beautiful family. I did want to go up to tell you how much I enjoy your writing, but then you may think I am some stalker freak, and since it was your personal time, I just quitely ate my hasbrowns with my kiddo.

      There was this group of people at the table next to ours who gave their kid a knife to keep quiet with. He looked all of one years old. I was thinking “WTF! Who would give their kid a knife??” My kid was all, “Mom, it IS near Halloween maybe they are going to use him as a prop and he’s practicing”.

      So yeah, I was in the far away presence of the Bloggess Goddess and there was a freak show going on, but you did not appear to be a participant.

      Have a great Monday.

    32. *quietly

      I cannot spell

    33. i have been knitting for 7 years, my husband has been on my ass to knit him a ball warmer ever since. i keep telling him he will get fromunda from all the ball sweat and then i won’t give him any head.
      .-= dina´s last blog ..I am A Glassblower =-.

    34. OMG i can’t believe this! i TOTALLY invented ball-muffs in my head several winters ago for my husband who was out all night plowing snow. if i see muff-muffs next i will jump off a cliff.

    35. 35
      EveEnsler'sTwat

      Knitted ball warmers under pantyhose are the best.
      Compression plus heat makes the meat hard to beat as they say.

      Although most self-respecting women would just run the other way.

    36. You call THAT a sad dog? That dog is barely even emo. THIS is a sad dog —

      http://www.flickr.com/photos/frenchbulldogs/2963859547/

      Just sayin’.
      .-= FrogDogz´s last blog ..Monday Morning Frenchie Photo Fun =-.

    37. The one time I was in Texas, the guy at the boot store tried to sell me boots made of snake. I don’t know if they were rattlesnake. Anyway, I went with the shark skin because I didn’t want to wear venomous boots. I’ve never seen any snake, let alone a rattlesnake, here on Long Island.

    38. Ok, so while I’m totally in love with your snarkiness, like, I want to sleep with it, that’s how much I love it, I have to say…the Mommy Blog posts this week were seriously touching. Every year my son turns a new age I discover a new little funny person I like even more than the last, except for the year that he turns 13 at which point I will MOURN over 4 and BEG it to come back. But seriously, 5 is a pretty fun little person, too.
      .-= Rachel at {a Pecan and a Matzah}´s last blog ..I should probably stay away from rich people and town halls, and also from Play Doh. =-.

    39. I live in Texas, but I can honestly say I’ve never been to a rattlesnake round up. Hell, Im going to the state fair for the first time this year… Sad, but I am from Waco, and that’s sad in itself. Anyways, I don’t think I want to go to a rattlesnake roundup. I grew up raising mice.
      .-= Carissajaded´s last blog ..A few random but slightly connected thoughts. =-.

    40. This week at my school is homecoming where we’ve got all of those silly dress up days.
      Tomorrow (today, whatever) is “Holiday in September” which apparently means we dress up like our favorite holiday. So, I obviously couldn’t go with the stereotypical Christmas or Halloween (because that’s just not my style) and had to look up weird holidays on Google. On some list somewhere is Rattlesnake Round-up. Guess who’ll have one of those creepy wooden snakes around her neck and a pair of cowgirl boots on her feet tomorrow (today, whatever).

    41. They round up rattlesnakes so they can use the venom for some medical jiggery. And of course just to keep the area from being overrun with rattlesnakes because too many snakes make it impossible to keep dogs or children. And of course much fun is had with the fried rattlesnake and the rattle jacket zipper pulls and such.

      The small town south and west Texas rattlesnake roundups used to be a big deal. I must confess, though, sometimes I’d rather have snakes around than some of the children I’ve seen lately. I reckon that’s a sign that I’m getting old.
      .-= Peter´s last blog ..Nose Water And Other Adventures =-.

    42. Lol… that time I saw rattlesnakes were when I lived in San Antonio. People up here are like: “I’ve never seen one.”

      Yeah, let me run over one on the outer loop in San Antonio, along with that cow a trucker mowed over. *ah, Texas memories*
      .-= Nile´s last blog ..Crossposting: Pros, Cons, and Etiquette =-.

    43. Long time listener; first time caller. (reader/commenter, whatev). Um, so the Rattlesnake roundup is for the “stray” rattlesnakes? As opposed to going to peoples’ houses and taking the ones in captivity? *heh* And isn’t “stray” not-PC. Aren’t they “free range” rattlesnakes? Oh, I don’t know. There aren’t any here. We’re snake-less.

    44. My husband goes Rattlesnake hunting every spring. All of their campers and trucks were burned up in a fire last year – which inspired a song called “We Left a Drunk Man Guarding the Fire.”
      Rattlesnakes: 1 Dumbasses: 0
      .-= Ginger´s last blog ..Chicago – Part Deux =-.

    45. 45
      Lady Penelope

      Dear Victor,
      I live in Australia and we don’t have rattlers but I have watched ‘The Simpsons’ so I’m pretty sure Jenny is referring to ‘Whacking Day’.
      Oh, and we get all our information about America from television…

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