You know what would suck? If you taped a brick of cocaine into the inside of the toilet tank in your hotel so that the maids wouldn’t find it but then you forgot it when you checked out and remembered it when you got back home and now you can’t even call and ask them to send it to you because it’s fucking cocaine. I bet that happens all the time. That’s why I always check the inside of my hotel room toilet tanks for left-over cocaine from the last people who stayed there. I never find any. Those people must have better memories than me. Not that I forget my cocaine in hotels. I usually just forget my laptop charger. I only check the toilets because I don’t want to get busted for having someone else’s forgotten toilet coke in my room, not because I’m personally seeking out toilet cocaine. I don’t even do cocaine. Ever. Except one time I did it accidentally in college and it gave me a horrible migraine and I threw up a lot. In all seriousness, that shit sucks. Avoid. My point is though that I’m forever leaving behind my laptop cord in hotel rooms even though it’s always in plain sight plugged into the wall so I have no excuse for forgetting it, so I imagine that trying to remember the cocaine you hid in the toilet is probably way worse. That’s why I’d hide my cocaine on the ceiling. That way the maids wouldn’t ever notice it when they made the bed but the first thing I’d see when I opened my eyes in the morning would be a brick of cocaine duct-taped to the ceiling and then I’d be all “Oh yeah. That’s where I put that.” Actually, I should probably start doing that to my laptop cord. Except that it’s white and hotel ceilings are always white too so I probably still wouldn’t see it. It’s like the hotels *want* me to leave my charger behind. The laptop people should make cords that are impossible to overlook when you’re packing. I would buy a million of those. Or I guess just one actually because I’d never lose it again. That’s probably why no one has ever invented one. No profit in it.
Updated: OH MY GOD I JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA. Next time I’m at the hotel I’m going to zip up a jacket around the cord and then it’ll be totally obvious. Or if it’s too warm for a jacket I’ll put a hat on it. The point is that I’ll totally notice it and will remember to pack it later and also the hotel maids will be all “WTF? Why is she dressing up her laptop cord? Somebody check the toilet for drugs.” Which is why it’s good that I don’t hide coke in toilets. Because sometimes “genius” is mistaken for “drug-induced delirium”. That’s why if Thomas Edison was alive today he’d always get hassled by the drug dogs at the airport.
Updated X 2: I wasn’t sure if you actually buy coke in “bricks” and I didn’t want to get made fun by the hipsters for using the wrong nomenclature so I googled it and this is the first thing that popped up:
Comment of the day: I once left my Mother in a hotel room. Totally forgot her. My wife and I left with all the rest of our stuff, and we just forgot she was sleeping in another room. Man, was my face red. You know the funniest part? We, like, totally looked around the room three times thinking we’d forgotten something, and we found my toiletry bag and were like, “Oh my gosh, imagine if we’d left that! What a relief!” ~ Fuiru