You know who else should have been on our panel? The bald guy from Mythbusters and Count Chocula.

I have a ton of embarrassing shit to write about this weekend in Vegas even though most of the time I hid in my hotel room but God knows if I’ll ever finish it so instead here’s a video of me at the BlogWorld Expo Closing Keynote in Vegas, sharing a stage with Kevin Pollak, Darth Vader’s little brother and Guy Kawasaki.  (This is where I would have embedded the video except for some reason it starts playing immediately and I didn’t want you to get fired for having your speakers on too loud. Because I’m compassionate.)

Put on your earphones and click here.

PS. It’s really quite long but surprisingly worth it and also this video will teach you about (insert whatever your job is here) so it’s totally okay to watch this during work time because you are increasing your value to your company.

PPS.  If you are blocked from watching it at work I’ll summarize:  Zombie Apocolypse breaks out, we start a swine flu epidemic, and “Cats have made me sexually aroused since I was 12”.

PPPS.  In case you’re wondering where I am, I don’t come out until minute 56. Swear to God. The keynote was scheduled to last one hour.  Pretty fucking clever on the part of the organizers except that I was drunk and refused to stop talking so we just go way over our alloted time and they start sending out notes telling us to wrap it up.  Those notes were ignored.  I’m kind of a little surprised we’re not still there.

PPPPS.  Vegas is weird:

Me and Snoop.  He was "sippin' on gin 'n juice" and I was "sipping on straight gin" because juice gives me heartburn and also because I prefer to pronounce my "g's".
Me and Snoop. He was "sippin' on gin 'n juice" and I was just "sippING on gin and more gin", because juice gives me heartburn, and also because *I* enunciate.

Comment of the day: I love that you opened with doing zombies instead of handjobs.    Wait. That sounds different than I intended. ~ beth aka confusedhomemaker

75 thoughts on “You know who else should have been on our panel? The bald guy from Mythbusters and Count Chocula.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. First time ever commenting on your blog – I loved your part in the keynote! You rocked that wig and were just so on.

    It definitely was an interesting keynote, but I like that it paid tribute to all the different types of bloggers out there. Not for the faint of heart!
    .-= Natalie´s last blog ..Purple Giveaway II =-.

  2. I wish I’d have known you would be kicking it with Snoop. I would have had you shake him down for the cost of his last album because I wasn’t exactly pleased with it.

    Hey, is he okay? Does he have swine flu? He’s looking a little waxy.

  3. That gold lion looks totally pissed you’re wearing an animal print bangle and flaunting it right in his face…I mean, his expression is all, “Grrrr…be thankful I am encased in faux gold and only have one leg, woman…cause had I been designed any other way, your hand would already be digesting in my wooden stomach.”
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..the farm animal =-.

  4. I just watched the whole thing, here’s what I learned:

    1. (most people’s) shit is weak
    2. fuck with William Shatner to be famous on the Internet
    3. Guy Kawasaki is not Jackie Chan
    4. You and Kevin Pollak are totally destined to be BFFs
    5. Please, more video of you, because you are teh awesome.

  5. So what is with the cheezy 70’s porn movie music in the beginning of this video? It really threw me off and made my whole family wonder what the hell I was watching online. Seriously…they investigated. Then the video froze at minute 42 and I never even got to see you. I might be heartbroken.

    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Me = Awesome =-.

  6. I read somewhere that you actually shouldn’t bother with juice because it’s only the flavour part of the fruit and you get more nutrients from eating the actual fruit – juice is apparently just a way to mainline sugar. And since it’s important to think about your health, you SHOULD just drink gin and more gin because that way you won’t get diabetes. And then maybe have, like, a banana the next day, just to keep things balanced. The only way I eat bananas is ground up in a smoothie with orange sherbet and rum.
    .-= emvandee´s last blog ..Horses’ Arses. =-.

  7. Jenny, you were excellent in that panel, and you easily held your own with a media Titan like Kevin Pollack. Also, I wasn’t in Vegas this weekend but one of my coworkers was, and she totally bit me in the arm this morning! It wasn’t a very bad bite, but I’m feeling a little ill. I’m sure it’s just a bad burrito or something that I had for lunch. I’ll be fine.
    .-= Thunderhowl´s last blog ..Thunderhowl: Ok…time for bed…I’ve put it off as long as I can. =-.

  8. Jenny… I’d suggest adding a disclaimer on that video: “Hey, there’s 8 minutes of smooth jazz before anything happens.” Well… unless that’s the part that you found entertaining… in which case… ermmm… I don’t even know
    .-= Rob´s last blog ..I Saw the Face of Jesus That Day =-.

  9. I bet if you tagged that photo with, “Bloggess on the throne,” your blog would get a ton of hits from people searching for random potty porn.

    Also, I totally dig the strategic cropping of the photo. It looks like “goop Dogg.” GOOP DOGG!!! Represent. (Okay, so I am too much of a suburbanite to know what “Represent” actually means, but I hear it used so often that I figure there’s a pretty good chance my usage is correct and someone out there will understand and nod in agreement.)

    Oh, and apparently gin gives you Satanic eyes. But at least they’re sexy, come-hither Satanic eyes. Or maybe they’re smug eyes. More likely you’re just really drunk. In any case, stop judging me.

  10. Amazing….laughed my ass off – also – totally against men feeding babies with their penises…also, your (or You’re) not retarded she just doesn’t have a sense of humor. Fuck her (figuratively, actually she might improve her sense of humor if anyone is brave enough to actually do it…)
    .-= Jesse Jo´s last blog ..ltml – October 5th =-.

  11. Gang-bangin’ woman! With a nice rack, I must say.

    OK, I didn’t HAVE to say it. But it’s Monday and I had a bad football weekend, so I’m a little hungover. Pardon me if I’m a tad inappropriate.
    .-= Memphis Steve´s last blog ..COURAGE =-.

  12. I tweeted tons of funny s*** during your BWE panel except that I sent all of it out onto the interwebs with the wrong hashtag. So here’s a partial recap:
    1. If I were Victor I’d keep a serious eye on Kawasaki who is obviously sweating you something fierce. Victor, you can thank me later.
    2. You look amazing in the Snoop Dog picture. Nice contraposto of the midriff, how slimming. Not that you need slimming, am just pointing out that it looks like maybe you study those “how to take photos like a STAR” manuals because you’re angled pretty craftily in that chair.
    3. If *I* were in charge of stuff, I would’ve made you and Pollack act out L’Epic Shatner with Pollack being Shatner. Missed opportunity much, Blog World Expo panel organizers?
    .-= Stephanie Smirnov´s last blog ..My Call with Uma Thurman =-.

  13. Were you serious when you said that Shatner has a Christmas album coming out? Because I love his music and looked all over the internet for news about that but can’t find a thing.

    Please don’t be screwing with me on this one. His singing fills my heart with joy!

  14. Why are you the most amazing chica ever. Totally agree with Guy, the funniest chica on the interwebs.

    I am buying a confidence wig to see if it makes me as cool as you.

  15. Wow that video player really sucks. I couldn’t fast forward to the good bit so I just muted it and set a kitchen timer for 1 hour.

    Best line: “I just show up and sex happens” – You have to get that on a t-shirt.
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..#92 Make It So =-.

  16. That’s quite an interesting panel. Darth Vader’s little brother….Chad, he he he. So did you have a party in your hotel bathroom…you always rock the bathroom! And now I’m going to sip on some gin n juice…you know because I’m hoping to be gangsta…in suburbia.
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..UnbeLEEvable =-.

  17. Dang, that guy. The questions! So lame! I want that job. Who was that guy? Why can’t they hire me? I would ask waaaay better questions.

    I just want him to know: I am loving all over you but I HATE EVERYONE ELSE. HATE. THEM.

    I’m discriminating, in other words.

    It’s like you were born for this. It’s almost kind of strange. Where did you learn how to be so…damn funny and charming in front of a whole bunch of people and a camera? With the wigs, everything. It is impossible to envy you. I can’t believe you get any hate mail. I mean: Could anyone but you be this good at that? You deserve all these undeserved accolades.

  18. Well, the video wouldn’t play for me. It’s probably my computers fault because I have nothing else to put the blame on. I feel a little left out since it seemed to work for everyone else. Or possibly no one else. I didn’t actually read the other comments so I’m not totally sure. Either way I will try again later because I hate missing out on things and I love you that much.

    Lets just hope I remember to come back later. My memory is my downfall.
    .-= LB @Wait, She Said What?´s last blog ..Moronic Monday: Forget eye for an eye, it’s goldfish for a diamond now. =-.

  19. When I feel stupid or retarded for saying or thinking things that cause others to roll their eyes or shake their heads at me…I remember that you are kewl and that people love you for being silly and stupid. So, I’ll be OK, right?
    .-= Martie´s last blog ..Sorry… =-.

  20. Sometimes I make the “I need a confidence wig” joke to people who don’t read the internets, like my husband. And they get so confused like I’m crazy. And I’m all, “No, It’s a Blogess thing! Like Jenny.” Then they usually back away slowly. Anyway… you rocked the keynote.
    .-= lettergirl´s last blog ..If Lindy Chamberlain Had Twitter =-.

  21. Oh Jenny! I’ve had to wait like 7 hours to see this since I first saw the tweet at work.
    I hate I had to wait so long!
    The boys obviously didn’t know what to think of you (even though Guy is totally in love with you), but they SOOO wanted to laugh more than they did!
    And I have to agree with someone above (I copied the text but am too lazy to remember who said it):
    4. You and Kevin Pollak are totally destined to be BFFs
    You are so awesome! Your wig is awesome, and you are too funny to be hidden on the internet. You and your wigs need to go on the road and do Stand Up (if your doctor won’t give you enough Xanax – I will totally find a way to fund your need).

  22. Snoop needs to hire you to sit there by his wax-self all the time, you make him look, ya know, not waxy plus you class up the joint… well till you’ve had enough gin-n-gin that you fall out the throne and see yourself in the mirrors and then laugh so hard you snort out loud which, by the way, is embarrassing because it echoes in there. Not that I’d know or anything… *whomewhistle*
    .-= Aria’z Ink´s last blog ..Oh Garth, How Do I Love Thee… =-.

  23. Your keynote was the WHOLE reason I wanted to go to BlogWorld and stalked you via video. And honestly you did not disappoint. You are amazing and I appreciate you kindness in letting me rush the stage and forcing my stuffed dog upon you. (I kind of just made it sound like my dog raped you… oopsie)

    Thanks again. I got a great picture and a memory for a lifetime.
    .-= Steph´s last blog ..Social Media Tools Are Dirty =-.

  24. Jenny, you livened up an otherwise desperately boring panel. Guy’s a really smart gut, but only when he’s talking about business I’ve come to realize. He can’t moderate worth a damn. I predict no return invitation for him.

    When you were talking about Tweeting a zombiepocalpse at the show and you said “Then the cops would come and it’d be great”, Chad Vader should have said “these are not the zombies we’re looking for”.
    .-= Mark 2100´s last blog ..Think like the Enemy thinks =-.

  25. Snoop is so clearly being marked by you.

    Or treated.

    Shit. Why can’t I get this whole slang-business right?

    (I will never think of fried octopus balls in quite the same way again.)

  26. Seriously, I was so pissed that they were running so late bringing you out! I actually asked my sister if she thought that you really got bite by some guy!!!!! You were awesome! We were hoping to see you at the Studio 54 Tweet Up but I guess you weren’t there.
    .-= LilSis´s last blog ..4 Days 2 Bloggers 1 Giant Mess =-.

  27. Watching the video right now. You totally nailed it! And I think Guy Kawasaki has a crush on you. 🙂 Kevin Pollak didn’t know what to make of you and he was totally afraid of putting that bottle to his mouth. Wuss. 😉 F*ck I totally missed the Zombie Apocalypse. And I am all for “supporting the bully” so count me in! So how much did that bottle go for on eBay?
    .-= submom´s last blog ..“I want to be your personal penguin” =-.

  28. Finally got to watch the BWE keynote talk show thing. I never knew Guy K. was such a douchebag. I mean, he single-handedly re-defined the term while sitting behind that desk. He thinks he’s the total shiz-nit, but doesn’t have the nutz to play the Larry King game or bust out some Fresh Prince?! You could all relax and make fun of yourselves, but he was too uptight to do the same?!

  29. Whatever happens in Vegas – stays in Vegas … but I’m glad you broke the rule and shared anyway 🙂

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