This week was a tornado filled with hammers and sequins. Beautiful and terrifying. Plus William Shatner was there. It’s kind of a long story. Let’s start the weekly-wrap-up, shall we?
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):
- For my one year anniversary as a satire writer with SexIs I took over the entire site, including invading Tuesdays with Nina. Then I scared the ever-loving shit out of Victor. For real, y’all. That’s me in the pictures. He’s still pissed. Then I answered a series of spotlight questions, which was nice except that on the side of the page it says “In this note: No one.” I can’t help but feel vaguely insulted.
This week on the internets:
- MSNBC called me an “internet rock star”. William Shatner hates me even more than usual. I’ll be overpaying for travel for the rest of my life.
- I went to Marfa. It was insane. More on that later…
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- 15 unintentionally perverted toys for children.
- Old, but awesome.
- “So then I gave the octopus my gun.” You fucking asshole. (Victor wants me to make a joke here about the octopus being ‘armed’ but I’m not doing doing that because I have standards, Victor.
- Are you a “waker”?
- 50 people. One question.
- Boobquake. I’ll be there.
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by my incurably adorable friends from 5 Minutes for Mom who continue to interview me in spite of the fact that every single time we have to stop halfway through and start all over again because I accidentally say “fuck”. Honestly, it’s fucking ridiculous. Also, they’re starting this new video thing where people submit serious, soul-searching questions that their audience can answer and so I asked one about vampires. Obviously. These girls deserve medals for even dealing with me.
The only way that “Shit my Dad says” show is going to work is if they cast you as Shatner’s daughter. And you play a spy. Who has to rescue him from an international sugar cartel. While also having crazy adventures with your talking car.
.-= Bridget´s last blog ..Unicorn Tears and Bret Michaels =-.
Sweet, I’m climbing into that costume with you and Victor. I’ll bring a mylar balloon, too.
.-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..This Week’s Tweets =-.
Probably hates you? Yeah, I doubt that “probably” should be in there. Maybe he hates you in that good way though…..you know the whole, bad publicity is still good publicity kind of way? Yeah, probably not though.
William Shatner was a nobody until you came along and made him famous. Captain Who? He should be paying you!
.-= Janis @ Sneak Peek At Me´s last blog ..The Unwanted, The Unloved, The Forgotten =-.
Not to alarm you, Jenny, but there’s a movement underway to have William Shatner be Governor General in Canada. That means he’d be signing laws and travelling around making cultural connections with the rest of the world and stuff. Basically, he’d be the guy representing the Queen in our government (because we still recognize the monarchy in England). So, you might have a very high level friendemy up north here…
http://www.cbc.ca/arts/media/blogs/popculture/2010/04/william-shatner-to-boldly-go-for-governor-general.html
.-= jenny gee´s last blog ..Updated blog =-.
I’m sure he’s just really mad because they called you an “Internet Rockstar” and didn’t call him a “TV Rockstar” or a “Commercial Rockstar”. I’m sure he’ll get over it. Please make this up with him. Because I’ve kinda been crushing on him and his unique “line delivery” technique that some people call overacting, but I just think is adorable, since I was like a really little girl. And I also totally adore you. So please don’t make me choose between you. It’s just unthinkable.
♥Spot
.-= Spot´s last blog ..The one where I look young and Sean *nearly* starts a zombie apocalypse =-.
I think in some alternate Universe you just created a sexy rock band.
Lee
.-= Lee´s last blog ..CharmFactory.com Review And Giveaway! =-.
Oh and PS: if William Shatner poisons you, you can be sure he borrowed the recipe from Adam Baldwin and Matthew Gubler who constantly plot my demise. Just sayin.
Lee
.-= Lee´s last blog ..CharmFactory.com Review And Giveaway! =-.
I left a comment on 5 Minute Mom about coveting your tiara.
I think I’m on a list now.
I’ll probably be searched at airports.
More often than usual.
.-= Lori´s last blog ..Sheep Shot =-.
oh, Bloggess … didn’t you know not to mess with the “Negotiator.”
He’ll probably be just as formidable an adversary when plugging Depends in the not-too-distant future.
.-= The Queer Next Door´s last blog ..Julie is Singing to You, Buddy =-.
I loved seeing the video of you on 5 minutes for Mom.
.-= Katy´s last blog ..Flaws =-.
The bit about unintentionally perverted toys is priceless! I remember a lot of those. I can’t even count the times we’ve made fun of Mr. Bucket.
And the kid skid-parallel parking the bike is great. Kids are fearless like that!
Good review on the week. 🙂
.-= Cole´s last blog ..Friday 4/23 =-.
That first sentence is less grammatically correct than your drunken, late night posts… and MSNBC has yet to rectify the problem… Go figure. Score one for the Bloggess Army.
.-= Rob´s last blog ..Justin Bieber is Going to Cause a Lesbian Uprising =-.
That whole octopus thing is probably why I don’t suba dive, that and I don’t know how.
.-= linlah´s last blog ..bath towels and raindrops =-.
They called you a rockstar. If William Shatner were smart, he would say that he discovered you and the whole tweet incident was a carefully planned publicity stunt.
It is really the only way for him to save face at this point.
.-= Shakes´s last blog ..And Now a Visit From Chef Gordon Ramsey =-.
“There is not enough Viagra in the world to make a clown sexy.”
“I want to stab you slightly less in that outfit than in the others”.
I wish that Victor had a clown fashion advice blog. I’d follow it.
It’s taken me a few years of exposure to online friends of the Burning Man persuasion to progress from “tatoos aren’t sexy at all” to “DAMN those tatoos are hot!”
In less than two minutes, I’m made the same transition re: goth clown outfits.
I’m not entirely sure which one of us should be more frightened [grins… *courteously*…]
.-= Andrew Ironwood´s last blog ..Found Poem From Someone Else’s Random Text Generator Output/Filler =-.
OMG! You are sooooo famous, you rock -star, you! I will be driving through Texas soon, on my way to NOLA for Jazz Fest. Can I stop by and get your autograph?
I’ve never been on MSNBC, but one time my Best Friend Artist and I did a series of paintings with our breasts and called them Areola Gardens. We entered them in a show at a gallery, and sold them all. One of the papers got wind of it and did an article about the show. We didn’t know it, but I started getting calls from my embarrassed children, who had Googled me and the article had popped up. My husband wasn’t particularly pleased about the show, or the article, but he DID like the money.
.-= rogueartistsspeak´s last blog ..FRIGID ART =-.
Saw this this morning..it made me think of you and scary clown sex…. I assume this would be the outcome…
http://www.regretsy.com/2010/04/20/your-auction-preview-420/
.-= Coastal Chick´s last blog ..Our drive through Baltimore and Stalking as a Family =-.
OH. MY. GOD.
OH. MY FREAKING GOD,
Screw shatner.
Screw victor.
The goth clown outfit is so so completely hot.
I don’like clowns. But THAT is H. O. T.
Wish it were a better photograph.
Wow…the Octopus and the children’s toys are both scary and funny at the same time-in a train wreck kind of way. Always a pleasure. P.S. Did Barnaby recently make a recycling video and put it on You Tube?
.-= Lookielou´s last blog ..If a Pug Can Recycle, So Can You! =-.
I don’t know how but Nina took your interesting, funny questions and killed them. DEAD. And then laughed at herself at all the wrong places. She doesn’t get you and must be stopped!
.-= LadyV´s last blog ..The eat at home challenge begins on Monday! =-.
Actually I really all of Nina’s answers except for the cooking oil on the slip and slide because someone I know did that and the oil heated up in the sun and he burnt a nipple off. True story.
What the crap at the first sentence in that article. MSNBC clearly needs to level up its sentence structure skill; I’m sensing a gearscore of, like, 2.
You shat the Shatner? You are officially my hero.
.-= Rusty Hoe´s last blog ..Fabulous Fridays: Bedazzling My World One Day At A Time. =-.
There is so much awesomeness listed here, but two things stand out:
A) DAMN, girl. Didn’t know about Shatner. That is impressive. I bow to the Master.
B) I had a Growing Up Skipper, and I loved watching those boobs pop out. Boobquake, ’77.
.-= Julie´s last blog ..It’s On Like Donkey Kong. =-.
Victor is definitely correct when it comes to clown costumes. There is NOTHING sexy about clowns in any way. There never will be.
All clowns = IT = Terrifying Nightmares.
The Shatner thing, though – Seriously, your Twitter pick up lines were definitely hot and were obviously getting him a little too excited. Too bad he couldn’t handle it.
.-= Tiffany´s last blog ..Start the Jew Jokes Now =-.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me reason to show off major boobage at work tomorrow. You should be nominated for some kind of award.
.-= Liz´s last blog ..Boobquake 2010 =-.
Internet Rockstar. This is awesome! Even Mr. Demi Moore was never called this.
.-= submom´s last blog ..Seriously. I could write a dissertation on this =-.
Dude. That 50 people thing made me all watery-eyed.
Dear the Bloggess,
I love you a whole hell of a lot but would you PLEASE, for the love of God, make your links open in a new window so that I don’t have to leave your page? Especially for the weekly round up thingy. Think about it at least. Hugs & Kisses.
Probably? He totally DOES hate you. But did you SEE him bomb at the Olympics? Fuck him!
.-= Aimee Greeblemonkey´s last blog ..Funny Tweet Roundup =-.
“Shit that Bill says” would be the worst show ever.
.-= MayoPie´s last blog ..Search Term Update: shouldn’t have touched my frisby =-.
Thank you for introducing me to Axis of Awesome. They are…um..awesome. 🙂
You are a “waker” in my opinion. I feel it every time I read your blog. Thank you for being out there on the internets.
Hey, Haley (#31), try right-clicking and then selecting “Open in New Tab” or “Open in New Window” — works in Chrome and FireFox for me.
.-= KYouell´s last blog ..Why I’m No Longer a Totes/Isotoner Customer =-.
That vampire question was actually pretty insightful if you think about it xD It basically asks to identify the greatest aspect of yourself. I like it 😀
I love that clown porn post and how poor Victor was afraid of the clowns. It cracks me up every time I read it. Which is turning to the hundredth read.