William Shatner: It’s complicated

Someone find me a tattoo parlor

Every time I tell Victor to scratch the super-itchy part of my shoulder-blade that I can’t reach he never gets the right spot, and I get more and more frustrated and I scream “NOT THERE. SCRATCH WHERE IT FEELS LIKE SPIDER EGGS ARE HATCHING UNDER MY SKIN”, and then he yells “You’re not pointing atContinue reading “Someone find me a tattoo parlor”

This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to work with people

Not long ago I got an email from Jane Pratt (creator of Sassy, Jane Magazine, and personal hero of mine since I was 12) who asked if I’d be a writer for her new website. After I stopped screaming I finally responded. This is the actual email I sent. It’s also proof that I need someoneContinue reading “This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to work with people”

FINALLY, CDC.

If you strive for constant vigilance the way I (and most of the readers of this blog) do then you are already aware that the Center for Disease Control has finally released recommendations on how to prepare yourself for the zombie apocalypse. Most of their tips are fairly good but their list of suggested suppliesContinue reading “FINALLY, CDC.”

I missed Victor and I’m ready for him to leave again.

Victor’s home (yay!) and he leaves again tonight (mother.fucker.) but it was nice because when he got home from his work retreat he was all “I’m exhausted. Can you rub my temples?” and I was like “Um…no. I have piratitis, remember?” and he was all “Like…fear of pirates?” and I was like “No. It’s aContinue reading “I missed Victor and I’m ready for him to leave again.”

For the love of God, buy my house.

Today I sold our couches on craigslist because I need cash for drugs we’re moving and the guys we sold them to came to pick them up but when they moved the first couch there were like 23 furry-mouse cat toys stuck under there and they all kind of looked at me with their beadyContinue reading “For the love of God, buy my house.”

It’s still Sunday, but just barely

It’s still Sunday for another couple of hours so that means I’m not technically late for my weekly wrap-up of shit-I-was-doing-when-I-wasn’t-here. This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe): The top 10 strangest things people sent me this month. This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom onContinue reading “It’s still Sunday, but just barely”