Conversation I just had with Victor that just proves what a terrible idea it is that we both work from home:
Victor: Hey, could you find a way to turn up your music any louder when I’m on a conference call? Can we get you an amplifier?
me: Dude. I can’t help it that I don’t have any walls in my office.
Victor: Why don’t you see if there’s a music store nearby so we could pick you up a drum set and some cymbals. And a klaxon.
me: A klaxon? The horn on a submarine?
Victor: Yeah. You use them in music. And on submarines. When you’re diving.
me: I’m pretty sure people don’t use klaxons in music.
Victor: Sure they do. That’s why you always see them in music stores by the cash register so you get it as an impulse buy on the way out.
me: Those are batteries.
Victor: Lots of people who are in submarines are into music.
me: What is wrong with you?
Victor: Like when you’re in a music store and Klaus is all “Ich vill ein Klaxon! Un Klaxon!” and then the other guys are all “Calm down, Klaus. We’ll get you the klaxon.”
me: And then they’re all “Awesome. And now we don’t even have to make a side-trip to the Wal-Mart. Time saver.”
Victor: It’s just “Wal-Mart”. Not “the” Wal-Mart.
me: Well, I know that but they aren’t very good with English. You know, they should install wind chimes on submarines because that way whenever they stop suddenly they get free music.
Victor: Except that the whole point of submarines is that they’re supposed to be quiet so they can’t be heard.
me: Oh you know someone brought their wind chime on board though. And the captain was all “WHO BROUGHT THEIR FUCKING WINDCHIME ON THE SUBMARINE?” and the wind chime guy would be like “BUT THERE’S NO WIND HERE. IT’S PERFECTLY SAFE” and then the enemy is all “Captain, I’m picking up something. I think I hear…wind chimes?”
Victor: And then the captain of the enemy ship is all “Well it’s obviously not a sub because there’s no wind down here”.
me: And then we lose the war. Or win the war. Depends on who has the wind chimes, I guess.
Victor: The CIA should have American spies sneak wind chimes into the closets of enemy submarines so we can always find them.
me: And the Germans would be all “SHITSKI! How do they keep finding us? SOMETHING IS FUCKED WITH THIS SUBMARINE.”
Victor: Yeah. We really need to get you some walls.
Comment of the day: Um. If you only know one word in German it should be Scheisse. Shitski is Ukranian. ~ Betsy B.Honest