So The Stir at CafeMom contacted me about becoming one of their columnists and they asked if I had any idea on what I’d like to write about and I was all “Well, parenting advice, obviously” and then they paused for a second because they actually have read my blog before and so I sent them a sample column about using snakes to teach your children to not lie to you and they were all “You’re in. But maybe we should find a way to let people know that you’re a satire writer so you don’t get flooded with hate mail?” and I was like “Yeah. That’s not going to help. Remember the Dr. Pepper debacle?” but they agreed let me come up with the title for the column, which at least gives the stupid people a fighting chance at realizing that they look like idiots for taking anything I say seriously:
My first column is here. It’s kind of horrific and I’m quite proud.
And now for my weekly wrap-up of shit-I-did-this-week-when-wasn’t-here:
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on the internets:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- I probably wouldn’t take it either because it’s clearly bait and that tree will eat you. This is how my mind works.
- Dinosaurs are jesus ponies.
- “I’m going to ruin everything.” (You might wonder why this chick is on my shit-I-wish-I’d written list so often and that’s because she’s my friend and we’re going on a road trip where there will be monkeys and explosions. True story, y’all.)
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Kit from Blogging Dangerously, who you should totally check out. She is unpredictable in the best sense of the world, and someone I’d very much like on my side in case of zombie attack. Unless she got bitten. Then I would take her down without blinking an eye. With a chainsaw probably. This is what you get when you advertise here on my blog. A run-down of the ways I would murder you if necessary. You’re welcome.