Wil Wheaton and I feel embarrassed for you

Remember last week when Wil Wheaton sent me a picture of himself collating so I could use it to cure the world of bad PR pitches?  If not, then you need to go back and read this.

Back?  Good.  Then you’ll be happy to know that I have started using the Wil-Wheaton-Feels-Sorry-For-You awesomeness to great success.  Just yesterday I created this particular page to send to the PR people who sent me pitches of pictures of Nina Garcia holding a blanket and of Kathy Griffin leaning near baby supplies.  It’s been incredibly fulfilling and I feel bad keeping all of this wonderful Wil Wheatoness to myself so I’m putting a link to the Wil-Wheaton-and-I-feel-embarrassed-for-you page right here so that if you get sent a terrible pitch you can just send the link to the PR person and maybe together we can slow the growing tide of thousands of bewilderingly inappropriate PR pitches using only the whimisical image of Wil Wheaton’s beguilingly smug smile.

Together, we can do this.

172 replies. read them below or add one

  1. That is awesome! Love it!!

    Sara recently posted Update 3-4-11.

  2. Haha, I love this!

    Shan recently posted Rocco A Series.

  3. Yes, we can! lol

    momiss recently posted You can trust Paula Deen.

  4. Jenny, You are hysterical! I just might have to use this.

  5. love it! except that a picture of nathan fillion holding some twine might be kind of cool

    Carrie recently posted How many books would you like to read this year.

  6. On the Intertubes the phrase generally used is, “Your argument is invalid.” For example, you might say, “Here’s Wil Wheaton collating paper. Your argument is invalid.” Give it a shot. It’s not hard and it just might make you smile.

  7. Thank you so much for making the internet a better place through PR pitch management. And a bonus: I bet you and Wil will be able to personally account for 1000+ wasted man hours in the marketing departments of America!

  8. I just got a pitch with Bob Saget near NOTHING.

    He’s just standing there.

    Smiling at me.

    I don’t know how it actually gets any worse than that.

    moooooog35 recently posted I Drew a Cartoon! - Um Ew.

  9. I love you. Take that as inappropriately as you’d like.

    Sarah recently posted What to Expect - Oh- Wait.

  10. kinda wish you had this when those PR people offered you boxes of cereal…not for you, for one of your lucky readers.

    elizabeth recently posted Monday Dare- Merica.

  11. This is perfect. Because the last thing I need is ANOTHER Katherine Heigle DVD about becoming a parent unexpectedly. I’ve already watched most of it while riding my exercise bike. How do you spell her last name. I should probably look it up on the DVD right?

    Let me know when twine will buy me things. I already have a huge ball of it so I am rich before I know it.

    A Vapid Blonde recently posted The Dish’s Picks Of The Week 6.

  12. You might want to jack up your server bandwidth; I need to send this link to about a gazillion people.

    Daddy Scratches recently posted Let’s panic about hanging out with the authors of “Let’s Panic About Babies”.

  13. How about a picture of John Cleese holding a goose? There are so many directions to go with this new found power!

    Gretchen recently posted No Thank YOU- Charlie Sheen- you lion-blooded Warlock- you.

  14. Genius

  15. I effing love you. Seriously.

    Angie recently posted Its a girl!.

  16. Can I use this for spam emails too. Got 1 yesterday…….It was addressed “to Mr. Delenn13” and it was addressing my “small penis”. Oh, gee. Could it be because I am female?

    Not to mention the ones for the “Canadian Pharmacies”. Duh. I live in Canada. I have a Canadian pharmacy around the block from my house.

    I would love to send them your link…not to mention Wil looks so cute with his neat stacks of paper.

  17. My only fear is that someone will try to make money from your wonderful Wil Wheaton picture! darn those PR people!

    Jill recently posted Growing it out.

  18. I am currently fishing all pitches from my spam folder just so I can redirect them to your link. Of course, the last time I was pitched anything, it was for an 8×10 glossy of John Candy.

  19. That is a fantastic page. I believe that this campaign will change the world. Or piss off a lot of PR people. Or maybe they’ll giggle hysterically like little girls. One can hope.

  20. That is awesome…that is awesome…that is awesome! i just can’t say it enough!!

  21. “anywhere in entire the goddam world.”?

    Is this intentional?

    (Nope. Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  22. Every stupid PR pitch you’ve ever gotten is all worth it because Wil Wheaton is so cute. Well, maybe not EVERY pitch.

    Mary recently posted Fado Irish Pub.

  23. I just love it! I hope that one day I will get a silly pitch and then be able to baffle them with this reply!

    Marie-Louise recently posted Gold filled Hand stamped Initial Family Necklace with Boy and Girl shaped Pendant.

  24. Holy crap, solid eGold! I’m making that website my auto-responder.
    Though in truth, the spammers who continue to tell me how much they liked my ‘scientific article’ on the BIRTH OF MY CHILD really never stops being funny.

    Tim recently posted Success!.

  25. Where can I get a copy of the picture of Nathan Fillion with some twine?


  26. Wait, are there pictures of Nathan Fillion holding twine?! Because I NEED one.

  27. This is hilarious, and Wil is adorable! What fun!

  28. Love the letter. Makes perfect sense and I’m totally going to use it. If you could come up with one for all the foreign lotteries/I’m from Africa and I’ll split you this money 60/40 etc etc, that would be just fabulous. I’m sure we could find a way to still use Wil Wheaton’s picture in the letter. . .

    You rock, as always.

    carolyn recently posted Im Going to Make Millions With the Song I Just Made Up!.

  29. I like it. I hope I ever get a pitch so I can use it. 🙂

    Gen recently posted Sing It Sister.

  30. You know I had the hugest crush on Wil Wheaton back in the day. You know which day I’m talking about. Thanks for proving he’s still made of awesome.

    Cheree recently posted Internets Radio.

  31. I didn’t know it was possible for me to love Wil Wheaton more, but *THIS* just solidified my 25-year-old crush and made me pea green with envy that Wil Wheaton sent you his photo. And yes, I am still nursing a grudge that I never got the signed photo I asked for when I was 13. But I still love him. And you.

    Madame Queen recently posted Food for Thought and I Enlist Your Help.

  32. The blogging world thanks you. I may be Dutch but you can’t lure me with your promises of coupons!

    Erica recently posted Thursday Night Confessions.

  33. Love it…
    Soooo at the point where I was reading ‘Other reasons you may have been sent…’ My mind decided to use the voice of tguy who does the side-effects for all those prescription drugs…my mind is not rational.

  34. Just for the record, I will accept pictures of Nathan Fillion holding twine as payment for just about anything. (I’m assuming it’s a naked picture, right?)

    Amy recently posted Book Review- Machine of Death.

  35. This was the highlight of my week last week…. you are fabulous!

    Laura recently posted Knitting the winter away….

  36. That’s beautiful. I can’t wait to read the first responses!

  37. You had me at Nathan Fillion. The twine is just a bonus.

  38. Now I have to motivation to get to the point that I’m actually getting PR pitches. Sweet!

    Jordan recently posted Bible Translations For Jesus Children.

  39. My fav product placement seen in a mag was a pic of Angelina Jolie with Just a Drop Natural Toilet Neutralizer.


  40. You are truly a genius.

  41. Last week someone offered to give a $25 gift certificate to my readers if I would publish a pre-written blog post about their homeopathic birth control formula that doesn’t need FDA approval because it’s not a real drug.
    Let’s deconstruct this shall we?
    1) You can’t buy ANYTHING at Victoria’s Secret for $25.
    2) Sexy IS: V-S underwear, Sexy IS NOT: asking your S.O. to “pull out because I was just kidding about being on the pill.”
    3) When I told them that I was willing to let them advertise on my site (for $) they responded, “Do we still have to give out the gift certificate?”
    4) When I gave them my ad rates they asked, “Can’t you just do it for free?” I said that I would be “HAPPY” to let them advertise on my site for free if I could mention in the post that THEIR product was FREE.
    5) That’s when they stopped responding to my emails. Too bad too because I was counting on a WHOLE new generation of readers.

  42. I might be willing to pimp something in exchange for a picture of Nathan Fillion holding Wil Wheaton. Definitely if they were both naked.

    Jami recently posted Sharing is caring.

  43. You, and Will Wheaton, are truly amazing. Thank you 🙂

  44. Wil Wheaton collating as a response to bad pitches? I’m in.

    emily illinois recently posted Where was I.

  45. Hey, if Kathy Griffin is not actually making babies, what’s the harm?

    So judgey over there, Jenny. 😉

    cagey recently posted A Great Day for Freedom.

  46. Wow, this is even better than that photo I have of Johnny Knoxville holding up a bottle of ice tea. Damn you.

    Mom101 recently posted Japan.

  47. underbite dog DID have a testicle or 2 removed, ironis huh? Oh watch how I use that to my advantage!!!

    Luff u!!!

    knows not what I do.. recently posted Underbite dog has NO balls.

  48. Okay, to be fair, if they offered pictures of Nathan Fillion I might say yes to almost anything. That man scrambles my grey matter!

  49. I can’t WAIT to use this. Wish I’d had it when William Shatner’s people wanted me to be on his talk show, now that would have been perfect: Captain Kirk vs. Ensign Crusher

    Sherri Paxton recently posted The booger that chased me.

  50. Beyond awesome.

    Sadly I have a feeling that page will be a highly viewed one on your blog.

    Victoria recently posted Lucky Me- Lucky You.

  51. No one sends me pitches because only 3 people read my blog but if I ever get one, I’m sending them that link.

    Karen recently posted Shocking news- People on the internet are weird.

  52. I had to bookmark the “the Wil-Wheaton-and-I-feel-embarrassed-for-you page” because I see this being very useful in the near future…like in about an hour when i bother to reply to the idiots who like to call me “Teddy”

    libbie recently posted youre not going to like what i have to say.

  53. I would have been tempted to consider the picture of Nathan Fillion holding twine. I’m not sure that one’s a compelling argument against bad PR pitches. But otherwise, they’re all getting sent to that link, because you and Wil Wheaton are freaking brilliant.

    Keely recently posted I didnt draw the part where I fell asleep.

  54. I can’t express how awesome this is. You’ve created a perfect tool for our internet smackdowns, and as a bonus, Wil will eventually be seen with his papers more often than the Paris sex tape. Which means, you win.

    Dangerboy recently posted Things I Hate- vol 9.

  55. This may be the perfect way to respond to the offer I received to write about renting college textbooks, saving money in college or Operation Smile in exchange for a 50% discount on my text books for next semester, or they’re also happy to send me a complimentary chocolate-covered fruit basket.

  56. 56

    Maybe it’s my slightly inappropriate obsession with Nathan Fillion, but I might actually be willing to accept a picture of Nathan Fillion with some twine provided I was allowed to share it with my readers. I mean, if they’re going to have to read a post about the wonders of dinosaur tampons or whatever(wait, was I actually supposed to read the form letter telling me what to blog about before I agreed to it? I got so excited…) They should at least also receive the benefits of a Nathan Fillion loving twine more than he should photo…

  57. What Amy said. Times two. Rowr.

  58. I’ve never had a PR pitch but I’m marking this in my favorites so *IF* I do, I’ll be ready.

    If only I had a picture of Wil Wheaton collating paper while wearing goat shoes……

    Deina recently posted Wordless Wednesday.

  59. You and Will Wheaton will one day rule the World with a vast collection of photos of celebrities with stuff.

    Penbleth recently posted Cluster headaches are seriously OUCH.

  60. OMG- I need to adapt this for use with my IT department at work for every time they respond to an email with a suggestion I try to restart my computer.

  61. –>This link is being bookmarked but my stupid PR pitches are always addressed to Blog Owner. I always read it too fast and think it says Dog Owner. Then I wonder, how did they know I own a dog? Then I remember that one of my dogs died last year. So then I get upset and have nothing to send back to the stupid PR people….TIL NOW!


    WebSavvyMom recently posted Wordless Wednesday - Build a Better Blower.

  62. Will Wheaton is a genius for hitching his wagons to you. Plus, I totally wouldn’t want to get on your bad side. Is it wrong that I still think he’s a bit yummy?

  63. 63

    Also, I love that I’m not the first person that went “Nathan Fillion AND twine? Sign me up!” in your comments. Just goes to show your readers have good taste. Not that there was any doubt after how much we loved Will Weaton Collating papers, but you know, reassurance is always nice.

  64. 64
    jon spencer

    Not even if it was coated with .5 milligrams of pure gold?

    0.5 milligram = 0.000 017 636 980 975 ounce.
    Thats either 2 cents or two tenths of a cent worth of gold, too many zeros for my math.

  65. I love you. No really! And it might just be in that creepy stalker way I keep hearing about.

    melistress recently posted UPDATED- Now Be Good and Finish Your Meat.

  66. Bravo! Now if only someone would offer me a picture of Bubbles the monkey next to a box of paper!

    SisterMerryHellish recently posted Who Do You Write Like.

  67. Oh my God, I just want to spend one day sitting in your living room and smiling at how awesome you are. Will you offer that as some sort of contest or something? Because I want that.

    Angela recently posted Unlike her mother- Meredith can cut a rug! Figuratively!.

  68. You should totally send @Wil a picture of you holding a salad fork, because while it’s great for the rest of us to use a picture of him collating paper, it’s probably inappropriate for him to do so. He could respond to the pitch with “While I greatly appreciate you sending me a picture of myself collating paper, I raise you this picture of @TheBloggess holding a salad fork. This time, we all win. And by we, I mean not you.”

  69. OMG, I laughed so hard I nearly pulled my post-partum stiches, and my baby is 3 years old!

    angelica recently posted on aid workers families &amp a distorted perception of the world.

  70. I am in awe of your brilliance. And Wil Wheaton’s. I got my very first PR pitch yesterday, and it wasn’t even a terrible one – they got my name right, for a start. But my blog isn’t really suited to marketing women’s clothing, and the company doesn’t even ship to my country. Now that I’m a “real” blogger on some PR company’s radar, I will have to bookmark that page. Thanks!

    Kate @ UpsideBackwards recently posted Self-incrimination.

  71. I love it! Way to stick up for all of us bloggers. The best I have been offered is a free book with a title about learning when to take your panties off for men. Seriously.

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted And the Big Announcement is….

  72. I agree with everyone drooling over Nathan. Rowr x 2 jennielynn! And I’m in the same boat with Karen, no one reads my blog (granted, it’s been about a month since I posted) but if I ever get a pitch, this is SO going out!

    Nicole recently posted Seviche.

  73. You know, “Si se puede?” “Yes we can!”
    My first husband used to mutilate it into “Viva sueno.”
    Which roughly translates to, “Long live you’re going off like an alarm clock.”

    So, in response to a movement of bloggers changing the world of PR pitches, I say: “Viva sueno!”

    Lori recently posted Wanted- New Fairy- Wings A Plus No Smokers.

  74. That is the best thing I’ve read in a week.

    Issa recently posted What I know this Wednesday.

  75. Oh great. Now I’m obsessively checking my email to see if I have any stupid pitches where I can use this. Apparently I’m not even important enough to annoy.

    Suebob recently posted Estoy en Costa Rica.

  76. This is so going out to that stupid Nigerian dude that keeps asking me to hide his money. I’m sure he can appreciate Wil collating just as much as the PR people.

    Renee recently posted 10 Things I Did Right When I Was Single.

  77. A whole lotta awesomeness.

  78. Screw Nathan Fillion, give me a picture of David Boreanaz standing next to ANYTHING. I just wish I was at the point where I got PR pitches like that.

    Chelsie recently posted Cirque du Circumcision.

  79. This might actually be the motivation I need to start blogging – to be awesome enough to convince Nathan Fillion to send me a picture of him holding twine.

    Oh Jenny, you’re my modern-day Lucy. That makes Victor your Ricky. Let’s make Wil Wheaton Fred!

  80. Hey, I’ll take that picture of Nathan Fillion wearing some twine. there’s not MUCH twine, is there? what’s that you say? holding some twine? clothed?


    well, I’ll take it, anyhow.

  81. I’m so sad as I never get pitches. The last pitch I got was from my own child asking if they could come home for spring break. I said no, of course, as the pitch started with Dear David!

    Coincidence, I think not. The child came home anyways.

    Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) recently posted In which we discuss the urban legend.

  82. Lou Diamond Phillips is to water, as…

    Laurie recently posted Bites.

  83. I can’t wait for someone to write to me with a useless pitch so I can use this. I’m guessing, since I’m continually reminded that not everyone finds me funny, that this would not be acceptable to send to the pitches I receive at work. Not even when they call me Ashley. Or Dave. So I must await stardom on my personal blog.

    On the bright side, the pitch I received this morning threatened to kill one kitten per hour until I responded to his email. Regardless of whether or not he was serious, PR folk seem to be getting a lot more interesting.

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted Oli Packaging.

  84. Somehow I feel that sending someone a picture of Kathy Griffin leaning near baby supplies qualifies as a death threat.

    Jon recently posted Self-Doubting Monkeys.

  85. Brilliant! Versatile, too, because you could also say that Wil Wheaton is collating all the other offers you’ve received, so best to make a good offer to stay by the top of the pile.

    mrtl recently posted Just Dont Look at Me- Sparky.

  86. As a comedy writer and sometimes stand-up comic, I don’t laugh easily. Your writing is fab and hilarious, so thanks! Thanks, also, for the hot Wil Wheaton porn. I’ve had a dork-crush on him since Stand By Me and suffered through countless episodes of Next Generation just for him. Well, that and Star Trek episodes were the only time my dad and I could stand to be in the same room…but that’s another story.

  87. I’d go to that page just to gaze upon Wil Wheaton’s Campbell soup baby face. He’s like that sunshine baby on Teletubbies. All PR people should be so lucky to click there.

    Heather C recently posted Bitch on wheels.

  88. Unfortunately, I am so miniscule and unimportant on the grand scheme of life that none of Kathy Griffin’s PR representatives feel that I need to be “in the know” about when she leans near baby supplies. This is a mark of failure for me – something I never would have predicted had the 9 year old me from 1986 received a time-travel visit from the unbearably sexy and accomplished me of today.

    If asked, she would say, “Of course I will receive photos of Lou Diamond Phillips holding a bottle of water. I’m going to BE somebody. The President of the United States of America!”

    And then I would have to kill her, because she didn’t know who Lou Diamond Phillips was until 1987. Obviously she is a witch. Burn her.

  89. I’m pretty sure that Nathan Fillion holding twine IS currency. (just so you know).
    Also, you shouldn’t tease that way— do you have this picture?

  90. This makes me completely happy…now I just wish I would get some pitches so I can send it out! Awesome…thanks as always!

    Jeane recently posted The Quack Heard Round The World.

  91. Wait! What kind of blanket is Nina holding?

    John B recently posted The John - Julie - Julia Project.

  92. I think you need to contact Nathan’s people about this twine thing. I’d do it but I would come over all stalkerish & creepy. Probably you will too but you have a whole history of it. You are a professional at it. And you have succeeded at it. Whereas I am just an amateur.

    But I’ll trade you chocolate for it & you don’t have to say anything to anybody.

    stacey@Havoc&Mayhem recently posted Words on Wednesday.

  93. I swear I will use this, but I can’t bear to send it to ‘Miss Rosemary Birdford,’ who addressed her spam to me as, “Hello, My Dearest.”

    I’d be afraid she’d send me photos of herself collating paper.

    Victoria Mixon recently posted Self-Editing at the Story Level.

  94. This was f-ing hysterical and spot on! Praise you Bloggess on behalf of all of us who have gotten odd solicitations 😉

    Jenn recently posted Hey You Over There…I’m Staring At You.

  95. Bless you, Jenny. I have not the words – except for “Bless you, Jenny” and “I have not the words” (repeat as necessary, or until the earth implodes).

    kyknoord recently posted Translational relationships.

  96. I’m so empowered I feel the need to collate something. Huzzah!

    Elly Lou recently posted Now Is The Time On Sprocket When We Dance.

  97. You and Wil Wheaton rock!

  98. I believe you’ve been sent here to change the world. You should start a cult. I’d join.

    Steph recently posted It Was Pretty Much an Emergency Situation in the Toy Room Today.

  99. I feel like we’re all part of some kind of political campaign…though I’ve yet to find THE MESSAGE…….

  100. I plan on using this the next time my boss asks me to do something ridiculous. Which is ridiculously quite often.

    Phoenix Rising recently posted Dont I Deserve an Alicia- Too.

  101. Jenny, I’d love to follow along in all the fun, but it just hurts too damn much. Wil Wheaton blocked me on twitter a long time ago because he doesn’t think I’m funny. Or something. Whatever the reason, it cuts too deep for me to laugh now. Maybe someday. Probably when the internet no longer exists. Or I do.

    Barbara recently posted Slow on the uptake.

  102. Fucking. Genius.
    Added bonus? How often do you get to use “collate” in response to a PR pitch.

    Seriously. You slay me.

  103. Jessica, I think THE MESSAGE is, “You will be crushed under the weight of Wil Wheaton’s unrelenting pity.”

    When Wil Wheaton looks at me like that, I want to go home and throw all my stuff away and start over. Nothing I own is good enough. I dropped out of college and my butt is too big. Nobody loves me but my weinerdog, and she could be jivin’ too.

    Thanks for the CRISIS, Wil Wheaton.

    Rev. Back It On Up 13 recently posted Matt Damon has small- square feet and absolutely no face.

  104. I predict this will be the new “rick-rolling”

    KJ recently posted The pets.

  105. *love.*

    love that he put that photo up for you.

    love that you shared this with us.

    love that i can send people the wil wheaton rejection page.

    thank you, jenny.

    ann @ my life as prose. recently posted houston- we have an acceptance.

  106. I am *totally* bookmarking that link for the day that someone actually pitches something to me. Even if it’s a decent pitch.

    Gigi recently posted No Complaints.

  107. I get a dozen PR pitches a day, more than half being strange or misguided, but I don’t remember any inexplicable images of celebrities standing near things. Maybe it’s because I have Ad-Block and NoScript turned on? Could I be missing these wonderful things and not knowing it??

    I want my Diane-Lane-Gesturing-Towards-Wallpaper-Samples poster!!

  108. I think the only way this could be any better would be if Nathan Fillion now sent you a picture of himself with twine.

    BrassyDel recently posted Momma’s Caffeine Fix.

  109. I was just wondering the other day: What ever happened to Wil Wheaton? And what does he feel embarrassed about? You’ve come through in the clutch again, Jenny.

  110. But the TSHIRTS!

  111. You know Nathan Fillion is on Twitter, perhaps if we show him the picture of Wil Wheaton collating papers he’ll raise the bar and actually send a photo of himself holding some twine.

    Healthy, sci-fi celebrity competition, you know?

    Kim recently posted I could have sworn I had something interesting to say.

  112. This is pure, unadulterated win. Except now I really want a picture of Nathan Fillion holding a piece of twine. Dammit…

    Melbourne on my Mind recently posted Pet peeve- volume 2.

  113. Well the only pitch I have gotten recently was a place that wanted me to offer sign sticky things to my “fans” to let authorities know we have pets in the house. I fear if I send them to this link, they will just put Will Wheaton’s face on a cling, claim he is a dog (which he cleary is NOT) and then force me to put it on my back door. I wonder if that will make the firemen go in quicker?

    Dani recently posted Wordless Wednesday- A Future Horror Fan is Born!.

  114. Genius, as usual! Thanks, Jenny.

    Brenna recently posted Someones lacking class in this picture.

  115. I think I may be falling in love with this Wil Wheaton…. But where did his 2nd “L” go??

    Dana recently posted Spring Break Is Trying To Make Me Fat.

  116. This makes me happier than a puppy with 2 peters.

    the muskrat recently posted does idealism die when it’s your kids.

  117. I’m so unknown that no one sends me pitches. In fact, I go out begging for pitches and people say no. Wanna trade?

    Heather recently posted My Favorite Thing About Blogging-.

  118. Thank you for that page…we will be linking to it often. As an aside…it does appear the Wil Wheaton is collating blank paper and quite honestly, that makes it even awesomer!

    Lookie Lou recently posted Thursday Night on Pets Teach Us So Much Radio- Canine Club Getaway- BlogPaws &amp Life With Dogs.

  119. I just need to post and say how much I love you. When I saw this post, I died laughing, then resurrected, got a cup of coffee, poured it out (because seriously who the fuck actually drinks that nasty stuff), and then read the post again, then repeat. It’s an optional repeat though. BECAUSE I’M FLEXIBLE LIKE A FUCKING SHAMPOO BOTTLE.

  120. In that post, I learned what “collate” means.

    Rico Swaff recently posted My Name Raymin.

  121. We totally need to start a twitter hashtag meme to get Nathan Fillion to send Jenny a pic of him holding twine. I’m pretty sure he has some twine handy, so it wouldn’t require a special shopping trip or anything!

    worldocrap recently posted Don’t Ask- Don’t Tell- Don’t Look.

  122. You’re my hero!!

  123. You are so far ahead of me that I can’t even laugh. You are the master. Bravo.

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Pass the Oreos.

  124. Psst, “whimsical.” 🙂

    Ousted recently posted This is why I pay tuition.

  125. What? A picture of Nathan Fillion holding twine IS currency. ANYWHERE. Sheesh.

  126. That was a great post but now all I can think about is Nathan Fillion holding twine. YOU HAVE TO GET A PHOTO OF NATHAN FILLION HOLDING TWINE!! My birthday is right around the corner, in a July sort of way, and that would be a fantastic birthday present. Why does my birthday matter, you ask? Because I’m pretty sure Nathan Fillion has a birthday too. It’s something we have in common. So, you know, GIMME!

  127. No word of a lie, Jenny, but I was thinking today that somebody should just create a page that we could all send PR people to.

    Further proof that you are, indeed, a genius.

    Angella recently posted Like A Child.

  128. If you actually have any pictures of Harry Connick, Jr. standing next to some yarn, please pass them along. I love yarn (I knit a lot) and I am unashamed to admit that I actually love me some Harry Connick, Jr. Sometimes I come home from work on Friday evening and eat popcorn for dinner while watching New in Town. Yes, I just said that out loud. And when I’m done with the popcorn, I knit while I watch New in Town. I just admitted that too. Anyway, a picture of Harry and some yarn could help validate my life choices.

    Pass along any naked pictures you may find of Henry Cavill, too. They didn’t show him nearly naked enough on The Tudors. Yarn or no yarn, I don’t really care.

  129. thank you, gorgeous woman. just responding to PR reps with a simple (amazing) link will be SO much easier than sending them that picture of Jesus giving the finger every time. in your debt.

  130. I got my first PR pitch email last week offering me “free, interesting content for my reader’s, whilst getting paid!”

    For whatever reason, I feel like I’ve ‘made it’.

    Jo and the Novelist recently posted Because creative guardians don’t exist- and because your friends will destroy you….

  131. 131
    doug richardson

    Ummm…three links in one tiny post to the same page? Whassat?

    I want to hear about how Victor broke his arm. Was he wearing the goat shoes and toppled off?

  132. Yes, we can! Yes, we will! And there is nothing more awesome than Wil Wheaton collating paper… though Nathan Fillion holding twine would come in a very close second.

    I usually just delete all the spam I get, but I’ll have to look more closely for weird pitches just so I can send them to the Wil Wheaton Collating Paper page.

    Kelly recently posted Purgatorio.

  133. […] Do you get terrible PR pitches offering pictures of celebrities, coupons, and other junk for the “privilege” of giving companies free publicity? I bet you’ve always wanted a snarky reply to send, and The Bloggess has you covered. […]

  134. I could make a million if I had a picture of Orla Brady stripping for a barroom full of Leprechauns. I posted a pic of Orla today, so that’s a start.

    Fred Miller recently posted Real Irishness.

  135. Yeah… so when I was a teenager I had a MASSIVE crush on Wil Wheaton. At this moment, I have the picture of Wil Wheaton collating paper as the wallpaper on my Blackberry. It makes me laugh every time I look at it, and my inner 14 year old is totally “SQUEEEE”-ing. People have been asking me who it is. I tried explaining “Wil Wheaton collating paper”, but unless they know this blog and the humour therein, I just come across sounding like a crazy woman. I now say its a picture of my boyfriend. Then (since I’m married) I get funny looks and they walk away looking at my like I’m all sketchy. I’m totally sticking with “my boyfriend”. And if Wil Wheaton reads this… howyoudoin?

    Beth recently posted Blueberry bran muffins can be easy as 1- 2- 3.

  136. Man, I had to Google Wil Wheaton to keep up……….

    Jane recently posted I love this stuff!!.

  137. Thank you for making the Wil Wheaton reply page both generic and publish-ready. I look forward to using it (although I may customize to include my photo of a drag queen Cher next to a crystal punch bowl).

    TQND recently posted Messing with My World.

  138. Thanks, Jenny! Hugely funny site, and this article is so useful. I’m always looking for anti-crapitalist response tools. (I must have been living offline too much or I would have found your work sooner.)

    Invisible Mikey recently posted My Trigger.

  139. Yesh, just forgot to press the sort button on the copier. Where is Wil Wheaton when you need him?

    Oh yeah! He’s right here!

    Power to the collaters!


  140. Sean Connery making tacos. That would be my ideal random celebrity PR photo.

    It’s almost hard to imagine, because I think Sean Connery is at a stage in his career where he has people for that. He probably hasn’t had to assemble his own taco in years.

  141. I still don’tknow who Wil Wheaton is….and, most importantly, why he spells is first name with only one “l.”

    But I did order those goat shoes.

    Susan recently posted Happy St Patricks Day from the Tossed Salad.

  142. I put a “Stylish Blogger Award” in your backyard, next to the composter. (You weren’t home.)

    Invisible Mikey recently posted My Trigger.

  143. If I actually got pitches I would use this but I don’t so I’m thinking that this should be the new Rick Roll.

    Ginny recently posted Good news! I don’t have narcolepsy.

  144. check and mate, dear bloggess, check and mate. This has been bookmarked in the folder I like to call “The Armory.”

    Zom G. recently posted ok- my heart.

  145. To make you feel better about this harassment of PR reps…I, personally, am still excited when any PR person emails me. Even if they are offering free stuff that doesn’t pay my bills, which means that I have to decline or ignore.

    Hoping, dreaming and wishing to one day be where you are and be annoyed with how many pitches I am getting!

    RealMommyChron recently posted Approachable Stir Fry…Oh- and Carrot Cake.

  146. Except I really *DO* want a picture of Nathan holding twine. Or anything, really. he shiny.

  147. I agree with a lot of the other commenters. We really need Nathan Fillion to come through and send you a picture of himself holding anything – or nothing. Really, whatever he prefers. Just a picture please. Or maybe one of Martin Henderson throwing a frisbee.

  148. Can I just say that you remind me of David Thorne more and more every day? How long before you try to pay your chiropractor with a drawing of a spider?


  150. I am so completely obsessed with you right now it’s not even funny. I just went through my backlog of horrible pitches and sent them ALL that link. Blogger Solidarity!!

  151. … wait. what kind of yarn?? if we could make it nathan fillion *or* wil wheaton with the yarn, i’d post that sucker on my knitting blog. (geek flag waving high and proud!)

    toni in florida recently posted Takin’ it to the… kitchen.

  152. The best Wil Wheaton gag ever was on Family Guy, when Stewie kept pronouncing it as WHil Wheaton. (this does not come off well in print, but if you’ve ever seen FG then just imagine Stewie and Brian ping-pong’in it back and forth Wil vs. WHil – if you haven’t seen FG you are missing it babe, it’s THE SHIT.)

    If I Were God... recently posted This is why I dumped Mother Nature in the first place.

  153. You’re killing me!

  154. I’m looking forward to getting a pitch – particularly one pimping a photo of Rick Schroeder [that’s RICK, not Ricky, bitches] in the vicinity of those new CFL lightbulbs.

    Suniverse recently posted The Week That Was.

  155. Any pictures of Will Wheaton concatinating an Excel file?

  156. Apparently you don’t get pitched things when you post about your cat smacking at your balls.

    and referring to your balls in said post as “the Olsen Twins” gets you hate mail.

    clevelandpoet recently posted The one with a lady intruder.

  157. Without doubt, you have the most sway of anyone I “know” so I’m begging you. Please go for Nathan Fillion. Please. Twine or whatever. Just please.

    lesliereid recently posted Tougher Than That.

  158. This is totally unrelated and now I have to go read this post because I feel bad for commenting without having read your post but I CAN’T FIND THE OLD POST YOU WROTE ABOUT THE ZOMBIE BABY EATING THE SHOE with the picture and I really need to share it with my aunt. But I think she’s really my 2nd cousin. I think your search is broken.

  159. Jesus. I’m gone three weeks working at the fucking rodeo and the whole world turned upside down without me even realizing it. Do you have a Cliff Notes for this Wil Wheaton thing?

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Huzzah! The end is near!.

  160. Hold the phone!!!! Was this guy in the movie “Flubber?”

  161. […] The Bloggess, and the blog in question […]

  162. Jenny,
    I gave your site .03 cents on YouData and I will send you a copy of me singing “Stand By Me” if you’ll do me favor. I only need to be talked through this. In the summer of 2009, a guy did a *thing* to me that both you and I felt very STABBY about. Whether you remember or not, I do. I got rid of Facebook, but sometimes I peek (and I realize it’s a total waste) but tonight I plugged in his name. He’s on there!! GODDDDDD…How can I let this go??
    Thing is, my husband and I are working toward a family and are planning a “Hollywood” baby in June (ie, IVF). I want to feel like I’m starting fresh, but I don’t. I want my baby (to be) to have the best mom on the planet (ME!)…where do I go? I’ve tried therapy, but the only lady available around here didn’t water her plants and I found that disrespectful of nature. I didn’t go back. I’m feeling pouty, like I should just suck it up, but I really feel the need to be stabby in his calves or arms or something.

    Alicia the Housewife/Most Coolest Person Alive

    (Find a doctor. Really. Therapy and drugs can help. And remember, you are amazing, and no one can change that. ~ Jenny)

    Alicia recently posted Crap.

  163. Thank you so much! I don’t have that issue yet, but I anticipate having it sometime in the future. And when I do, it’s nice to know that I have a place to go to get a letter to send.

    Bless you!

  164. @ Jessica and Rev.- if there is a MESSAGE, it would be too complicated yet simple for us to ever understand, and if one of these many readers were to suddenly know what the MESSAGE is and what it could mean for us all, reality as we know it would suddenly disappear and be replaced by something far more inexplicable.

  165. I don’t get PR pitches, but I’m going to start sending this to my Grandmother whenever she forwards me one of those angel/ kitten prayer GIFs that say I have to forward it to ten people or God will squish a kitten. And then she calls me to check and make sure I did it *just in case*.

    I bet the baffling response of Wil Wheaton will nip that right in the bud! Thanks!

    Mrs. Mustache recently posted Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh.

  166. Ha ha! Brilliant! I am going to put that link to good use. If only there was a telemarketer version and you could send them there. “please hold we are busy collating papers”.

    Melinda recently posted Orchestrating a Monkeynapping.

  167. “…if you get sent a terrible pitch you can just send the link to the PR person and maybe together we can slow the growing tide of thousands of bewilderingly inappropriate PR pitches…”

    Or, we could just post the really hilarious ones on our blogs, where we could all read them and laugh at them and poison the SEO results so that any attempt to Google the PR firms involved would return them as the top results.

    Just saying.


    EdT. recently posted Review – Love Wins- A Book About Heaven- Hell- and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived.

  168. It’s moment’s like this where your “tagline” like Mother Teresa only better especially ring true. Magnanimous Jenny Lawson, that’s what you are.

    Also, I’m sad that you haven’t had time to do comment of the day. Or just don’t want to do it or whatever. I miss it.

  169. Hi, I’m from the lazy as shit internet marketing company and I was so excited about a special offer we have at the moment that I had to contact you. I am not a mailshot. Honestly. We’re handing out exquisite pictures of Wil Wheaton collating paper (while feeling sorry for you) and all you have to do to qualify for a token of a picture of a token of a place in a prize drawer for Wil Wheaton collating paper is mention our company and their great product on your blog. Obviously we’re not going to tell you what our product is because that would be cheating. Seriously, I’m not a mailshot.
    Barbara “The Ninja” Freeby, Vice President of Internet Marketing and Attack ‘Copters, Lazy as Shit internet marketing company, aka SMERSH.

  170. That’s great. Due to the nature of my blog I get requests from PR people acting like they are teaching crippled children and asking me to name said kids in my posts when, in fact, they are wanting me to link to services I have no desire to endorse. Pathetic. People have no limits.

  171. Effing David.

    My Baby Sweetness recently posted Betty Crocker- I aint Dork Yes Yes- that I am.

  172. Holy shit, I laughed so hard I almost gave birth. And considering I’m not even pregnant, that’s saying A LOT.

    Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting recently posted Hide and Seek Fail.

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