I can’t think of a proper title for this.

I’m two weeks behind on the wrap-up again because I suck.  But I have a good reason because Victor’s still dealing with his broken arm (see: “Man Cold” X 80 billion).  He’s having a plate put in it next week, which is nice because that means that he’ll have to be frisked through every airport security check from now on, which helps level the playing field a bit since he always glares at me as I slow him down because apparently my shoes are more complicated than his are.  This paragraph would make more sense if I’d had more sleep.  Probably.


Let’s begin the weekly wrap-up, shall we?:

What you missed on Ill-Advised:

What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):

What you missed in my shop (tentatively named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

58 thoughts on “I can’t think of a proper title for this.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Just before he goes through the metal detector, you should have him stop and stand upright, puff out his chest and then put up his arm like Buzz Lightyear all, “I set my laser from stun to KILL.”

  2. Everyone is terrified, but often the need to tell the story supersedes the terror of standing at the podium. Alternate plan–mime.


  3. “Imaginary Vagina Chipmunks” would be a great name for a rock band.

    ..or the greatest hallucination EVER.

    Either/or, really.

  4. You definitely deserved to win the About.com award and to be chosen for LTYM. Congratulations on both! Feel bad about your hubby’s arm though…I hope you both survive while he recuperates.

  5. “Best Laugh-Out-Loud Parenting Blog.”

    I see a cause-and-effect relationship here: they called it a “Parenting Blog”. Then they laughed out loud.



  6. Imaginary Vagina Chipmunks is the name of my Hole cover band.

    Just, you know, sayin’.

  7. You always entertain me to no end, but I wanted to say “thanks” for shining some light on that sweet story “Fourteen” on Counting on Rain.
    I got the funny and the touching this afternoon.

  8. Sorry about Victor…I’d just go ahead and break his other arm so he doesn’t tip over. It always amazes me how much time you must spend perusing weird shit on the internet.

    EBay has great hookahs you should check out… I know cause i bought one for a gigantic caterpillar I was making to sit on a mushroom.

    Also, I would appreciate being included in funny shit that you didn’t write. I’ll let you know whenni write something funny.

    That is all…get some sleep

  9. First, love the tshirt Jenny! Great idea and for a great cause.
    Second, a time machine on Etsy, eh? Who would’ve thought?

    If you could figure out how much it costs in American, let me know, plus what time period would you travel to?

  10. I’d got back to 1988 and see NKOTB again. But this time I’d rush the stage and tackle Jordan. He was my fav. Donnie seemed “dirty.”
    I guess I could still do that since they’re going on tour with Backstreet Boys. A boy band fantasy, right there. A teenage dream.
    Perfect for a 30 something mom like myself.

  11. Love the caricature drawing, especially the hair rollers. Your beauty spot is on the wrong side on the drawing, or maybe it’s your photo that needs adjustment? Mmm… Something to think about.

  12. My cat Tuxedo is totally polydactal (sp?) and has an extra toe on all four feet. His back paws look more like rabbit feet. Like that crazy rabbit in Alice in Wonderland who is always in a rush.

    And yet? I’m fairly certain Tuxedo would not wear a dress. But you’ve inspired me to try.

  13. Oh, and by the way, just in passing, you happen to be cast in this really cool project?!

    The LTYM thing is rad. Definitely want updates (pretty please), and I would love to follow if they’re going to webcast.

  14. I’m totally getting one of those shirts. And one for my brother. Then we can match. I will just surprise him and wear mine the same day he wears his. He will love it!! >:}

  15. Goddamn, I love your cat. And his extra toes. You should totally contact that Must Love Cats guy from Animal Planet so he can do a special on your pretty, pretty princess.

  16. I’m TOTALLY with Carri. Douche-canoe is one of my new fave words. I’ve used it many times since first reading it here. My other fave is batshitcrazy, but I got that from another source. Still good stuff.

    Tell Victor to pop out something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a grape and THEN he’s on even ground for a pissing contest with you re: who has/had it the worst. I fell bad for him and all, but I’m just sayin’…

  17. I’m too easily distracted to keep up with when you post these anyway. I’m just always glad when you do. At least you’ve set the standard for it to be late.

  18. I’m having an LTYM moment of “why did I just do that?” as well.

    Excited, but hoping I don’t come off like Elmer Fudd.

  19. Hey, the exchange rate is not that bad right now! I say go for that steampunk time machine!

  20. The best part of that time machine listing was the line:

    “If raw liquid ether is ingested seek medical attention yesterday.”

  21. Ok, this has nothing to do with your weekly wrap-up (which was hilarious and awesome as usual, btw), but I thought it was something you might be interested in, and I couldn’t find where to e-mail it to you. Vagina Art. For a cause. who wouldn’t love it?


    Sorry if you’ve already seen this. Feel free to ignore.

  22. My vagina chipmunks ARE NOT imaginary. My nipple lice, is. I don’t have nearly enough hair on my nipples to support lice…but those crazy boys don’t realize that.

  23. I have a metal plate in my arm, and I’m afraid your hopes for airport security are doomed. However, if you can talk him into having electromagnetic rings embedded in his cast so he has to sit around attached to a battery for several hours a day for a number of weeks—THAT ought to do the trick.

  24. While I love the new Wil Wheaton shirt, it’s seriously inspired, what is up with the description? It’s like it was written by SEO monkey. I was expecting the giggles and sunshine your writing normally brings to my morning and instead got something that looked like it was written by the same person who does form letters for the crazy PR lady offering you pics of Willow from Buffy with gardening tools.

    That made me a sad panda…

  25. I have to be honest. That t-shirt has left me perplexed, but it will probably make more sense if I read the earlier Wil Wheaton post.

    Than again, maybe not.

    Either way, you consistently remind me how much I suck. You know, in an indirect, unintentional way.

    Just sayin’.

    Also? I say “Just sayin'” a LOT.

  26. I WANT Ferris Mewler!

    She’s like the child I always wanted, one I could dress up and play with and not feel guilty if I accidentally left her at home by herself.

  27. Do you think the plate will be close enough to his skin to stick refrigerator magnets to it? I think it would be a great conversation starter.

  28. This has absolutely nothing to do with your post. But I logged into Twitter today (I tend to forget to do that; my Blackberry used to alert me when I had a new tweet, but my iPhone doesn’t; or at least I haven’t found a way to have my iPhone notify me when I have new tweets) and stumbled across your discussion of your college mascot. I then went to look at their website. Seriously? WTH is a “Rambelle?”

  29. Like I said, we’re happy to call you LTYM cult member instead of cast member. I won’t even make you shave your head and live in my airbrushed van.

    That is, unless you agree that it’d be awesome.

  30. Actually, I have a very large titanium plate in my leg and I never set off the metal detectors. Hope I didn’t clue in any would-be terrorists that I am SURE frequent your site. But there you go, you and Victor may be saved from regular airport strip searches in the future. I hope he is not too disappointed.

  31. Okay since the list of new LTYM stars is not alphabetical, you should be raising both your hands to demand an explanation for why you’re listed FOURTH behind those other three less interesting (and probably even more terrified) ladies.

  32. Honey badger in your vagina might be a better deterrent. Those things are fucking crazy.

    You’re welcome.

  33. I have to say, I feel for Victor right now. I tripped over my kids’ snow boots in late January. To quote my ortho, “he nailed it” when he successfully inserted a foot long nail into my tibia (left the fibula all floating around in 4 broken pieces, wtf). Broken bones are NO fun – except when it’s your leg, and you can’t walk, and your husband has to wait on YOU for a change… oh, sorry, I got distracted while commiserating with Victor.

  34. Is that an American Doll dress on Ferris Mewler? He sure gets the primo duds.

    WRT metal parts and airport security, it’s a strange situation. I have several metal replacement parts and they didn’t start setting off the screening equipment until recently. I think they upped the sensitivity of the units. What DID set off the wand when I got randomly scanned was the metal hooks on my bra. She could wave that thing next to my leg all day long and not hear anything, but get near my bustenhalter and the thing beeps like it found treasure. What’s up with that? Metal prostheses are all non-magnetic, so you can’t use Victor as a human refrigerator, alas.

    Loved the cool stuff you found on the interwebs. Thanks for sharing.

  35. Recent advances in orthopedics have focused on minimally invasive techniques, such as arthroscopy, an approach that repairs musculoskeletal issues without the impact on the surrounding tissues of traditional surgical procedures. Other innovations in orthopedics are found in the field of bio-treatments, where the body’s own natural processes and properties are utilized in the treatment of joints. One such bio-treatment is the use of Platelet Rich Plasma (PRP) in orthopedic treatments and procedures.See more atHouston Orthopedics

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