Earlier this week I told you about a tiny, dead weasel I dressed, adopted and named Juanita. Within a few days she had her very own meme and a line of products. Kinda fucking impressive for a dead weasel, if you ask me. And possibly a little cocky. Regardless, she brought joy and laughter to many, and several of you will be getting emails about free Juanita junk because you entered something bad-ass into the meme contest, but the ultimate winner was a personal favorite of mine from Bart Smith:

For being awesome and amazing at photoshop (seriously, click here for a giant version), Bart wins a tiny, resin Juanita statue, which looks as if Juanita was frozen in carbonate, but more colorful.

(Click here to pick up one for yourself.)
And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up:
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
- Lesson 32: The Authentic You Might Be a Real Asshole
- Lesson 33: I manage to offend even more people than usual.
What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Juanita Weasel desk statue
- Juanita in an apron, ON an apron
- Juanita Weasel Water Bottle
- Souffle poster
- BUTTONS
What you missed on the internets:
- WATCH THIS VIDEO. My friends (Dr. Pants) know my anxiety disorder is too high to go see them in concert so instead they’re coming to my bathroom to play for me. And they’re broadcasting it live. Which means you just got invited to a party in my bathroom. THAT JUST HAPPENED. Your homework: Fall in love with my favorite Dr. Pants song: If I Were John Cusack
- Okay, Canada. You asked for something special.
- Juanita Weasel for president
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome
This week’s wrap-up brought to you by my amazingly talented friend Sylvia, who wrote a fabulous ebook that costs less than a coke. It’s called Fear of Landing: You Fly Like a Woman and it’s her true story about learning to fly after being told by a man that she can’t. The perfect inspirational gift for your daughter (or son). Plus, it’s less than a dollar and only takes an hour or two to finish. EVERYONE WINS. I highly recommend.
Mini-Weasel, oh yeah. Pop!
WG
http://itsmynd.com
That is like Highlights’ “what’s wrong with this picture” except everything you find is right.
God I love Juanita. Pretty sure I’m redesigning my entire decor to make room for taxidermy critter armies from here on out.
Oh noes, the TARDIS is inside the TARDIS! This never ends well.
Woman. You do a lot.
Just, a lot.
Juanita gives me hope that there is still good in the world. Pretty amazing for a taxidermied weasel, that.
I’m really surprised that all the hilarity in that photo didn’t create a black hole of awesomeness that sucked the rest of the blog and all its contents and comments into another dimension.
Or maybe it did and I got lucky enough to come along?
I think each and every Jaunita scene was awesome, thank you for making this weeks so much fun.
1) Juanita has given me much laughter during a shitty week. 2) I LOVE the column on sex ed for kids. 3) You make my Pinterest boards so much more entertaining than my work friends.
Juanita is so the Beyonce of 2012. Sorry, she had to give up her giant metal throne at some point.
I counted 9. Is there a cheat sheet somewhere?
Okay I’m getting slightly less terrified of Juanita through your immersion psychology.
So I guess there’s that…
Happy Sunday Jenny!
A well-deserved winner, for sure! It was fun spending an entire day making Juanita photoshops instead of working. But I did have to make this one last one, because I think James Garfield is a little jealous:
http://pinterest.com/pin/220746819205224828/
+10 for Doctor Who references in the first image.
I’m gonna get a Juanita for my desk. She will keep my Beyonce company… and one day, they will take over…. FIRST THE OFFICE!!!! THEN THE WORLD!!!!!
And what a great week it ended up. Are you confident you’ll be able to match the awesomeness this upcoming week?
Give me some good stuff before I have my kid and am stuck changing diapers around the clock. I’m dreading it.
-Sedge
I watched The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore last night, and it reminded me of that comment from your reader on the Traveling Red Dress Project.
It’s beautiful and inspiring: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Adzywe9xeIU (much like your red dresses).
“Hope, Papercut” is FABulous! LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Would be an amazing card or print or poster…
Prevail~Tattoo Girl
That is seriously one of the best Memes i’ve seen -ever-
I am utterly fasinated and I will be having to get a tiny resin Juanita.
Is she on a spill proof water bottle? Please…please…please
I will love you for ever
The Juanita memes have had me in tears all weekend. Laughing, not crying. Quite the pool of talent in the Bloggess’s army 🙂
On behalf of all Canadians, thank you! I hope I win because I have no money at all. I had to pinch pennies for a week to buy a new crochet hook.
Love the Valentine’s Day cards, especially the licking one. Until I saw that it wasn’t about ice cream.
Saw a metal frog doing yoga (a pose I can’t do without falling) at Ross’ last night and thought of you. He was a dull steel color, and I wanted to take him home and paint him a pretty, happy, froggy green.
I’m amazed at how you manage to find infinite ways to entertain us with the absolutely most random things. You make me happy, thanks!
Bart is a genius. Zazzle can make mini-Juanita desk statues? I need one of my soon to be ex-boyfriend so I can poke pins in it.
Love me some Juanita!! You’ve got another “metal chicken” hilarious story there!!
Alice’s video made me tear up again. What a gorgeous kid, and what a fantastic mom she has.
Holy crap, it’s like looking for 15 Waldo’s… on acid. in the dark. By candlelight.
Pop goes the weasel indeed. Off to check out your other posts!
This just replaced my daughter’s newborn picture as my desktop image, and that has been there for.ev.er — just so you know how much I heart his.
I. . .I’m sorry, but I was distracted by my incessant zooming in on Nathan Fillion’s strategically placed codpiece o’ twine. Wait. . .what were we talking about again?
I love Alice. I fucking love her. Her eyes tell such an emotional story, and I’m thankful that you have brought her to us. After I started blogging, your name came up on several occasions and I asked my fiance if she had ever heard of The Bloggess. She said “God yes, she’s one of my favourite bloggers. I decided that I had better check you out, and it was one of the best things I have done concerning my own outlook on life. In the month since I’ve started reading your blog, we’ve started our own version of the Travelling Red Dress, but with a blue velour shirt. My fiance also did a red dress shoot while we were on vacation, and I’ve been on the lookout for animals to kill and stuff.
I lost my stepdad yesterday, and when I saw the video of Alice and her red dress, it immediately picked up my spirits, and gave me the kick in the ass that I needed to see that there is always a ray of light through any shitty grey sky. If you can’t find it, you either aren’t looking, or just don’t want to find it.
Thanks
Kudos to Bart- that photo is just all kinds of awesome!
Juanita/Beyonce 2012!
Found Juanita’s avatar online, thanks to my son. http://www.fantasydimensions.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Sinful-Succulence-Morgana-Skin.jpg But she’s burning cookies, not souffles!
You amaze me. In a completely fantastic way. Thank you so much for doing every little thing you do.
Yay! You may want to update your links to this version; it’s the most stuffed TARDIS and I touched up some areas that were bugging me:
http://pinterest.com/pin/278308451942586250/
Keep Juanita coming!!!!! She makes me almost as happy as a monkey washing a cat (almost).
I do believe Juanita and all the Juanitaisms that speckled your blog were the highlight of my week…or maybe my life. And thanks from Canucks everywhere for doing something special for Canadians. I’m channeling the Church Lady when I say, “Isn’t that special.”
The Tardis is inside the Tardis? PARADOX
The Valentine cards? Friggin awesome. Every last one.
Also, Juanita in carbonite is fine and all. But really, Juanita in Prada…now THAT’S the ticket.
Don’t you think she really deserves it after all of the hard work?
Bart, Bart, Bart. You are a genius, my man. An utter and complete genius. This is sooooo filled with Jenny-awesome it’s hard to express. Love. Love. Love.
And Jenny is, of course, awesome to have so much awesome in the first place.
Love me some Juanita…think it’s time to bring a little Janita home!
I love you.
Dear Juanita and Bart,
Thanks for the Meme-ories.
It had to be said.
Hogs
Juanita has become an internet sensation. Soon she will require her own blog and possibly an agent.
I wish I knew how to meme. I saw all the ones on Pinterest though, they were hilarious. Juanita Weasel might be the best dead animal you’ve bought and dressed up yet. Martin Van Buren is runner up.
Can we start a new meme where we get all of the new doctors to hold a ball of twine? However, Juanita may have filled the internet to the brink of awesomeness and THAT could cause a worldwide web meltdown. Are you up for the challenge of exploding the interwebs?
Reminds of me of Richard Hamiltion’s work:
http://www.artknowledgenews.com/Richard_Hamilton.html
Holy crap, a band in your bathroom? How awesome is that. But will you have to hide in the closet? I would totally hang out in your bathroom or your closet with you and drink wine slushies. I’m just that anxious.
I have never been so proud to say I AM CANADIAN!!!
Oh, you make me happy.
Juanita is utterly awesome. Next time I have a rough day I’m going to bare my teeth and throw my hands in the air like a dead, yet still stylish, weasel. My kids might freak out, but I’ll feel better. My husband will freak out when I put a mini-Juanita on my desk. Cause that’s now a necessity. 🙂
There is a TARDIS *inside* the TARDIS. Mind. Blown.
So envious that you have your own TARDIS, and that you’ve got Will Wheaton & a naked Nathan Fillion trapped inside it. (Let’s just see them try to escape… you’re the one holding the sonic screwdriver.) That is some awesome photoshopping, indeed!
Juanita is the best thing ever! She is totally blowing the internet away…thank you for bringing her to us!
Oh wow, that picture with the bloggessisms is amazing. Juanita in a red dress! Amazing.
Zombie action figures? I’m there. My nephews will be thrilled.
For a B movie in a book (yes it’s possible) check out “Sherlock Holmes and the Flying Zombie Death Monkeys” on Amazon.
I made a new Juanita The Weasel Meme
http://pinterest.com/pin/79446380896503689/
::slow clap::
Bravo.
I totally quoted Jaunita this morning even though it was eggs and not a souffle that was ruined, and my sister-in-law didn’t get it and my husband rolled his eyes. And then he asked where my apron was and I told him I was out of my allowance and he was all “didn’t you request that? why don’t you have one?” and now we are discussing how I’m going to con him into one before my birthday so I can wear it when I inevitably drop my own birthday cake on the floor.
Juanita made my week. I wish I could afford a little Juanita, but alas, I cannot.
Okay, I adore you more than ever for thinking up something special for Canada. My Birthday is February 28th. And the contest winners will be announced Feb. 28th. This all might just be a coincidence. I’ll let you know Feb. 29th. 😉
I can only find 11 memes, but I’ll keep looking! 🙂
Oh no! A TARDIS inside a TARDIS? Entire worlds will collide! Oh, wait, worlds colliding is the theme of nearly every Doctor Who episode. Slick one, Bart Smith.
Juanita, such an achiever. Thanks for making her your protege.
So I thought I was relatively sexually experienced, but I had to look up all but one of those terms in the Urban Dictionary! Eeekk!
I missed the bathroom concert post. I want a concert in my bathroom. Actually, I just want your bathroom, mine is the size of a very small closet.
And that is some serious photoshop skills. He totally deserves the mini-Juanita.
Goddamn overachieving weasel.
Ok, I looked up all of the sex terms on Urban Dictionary and I think I need a mental shower.
Please tell me people just made up those terms to gross out their friends!
Know your memes, bitches.
It amazes me how this stuff catches on. Pretty awesome.
If you brainwash us enough, we can start doing really random shit, all just for your amusement!
==============================
Only sex term I had to look up was, “Canadian Backhoe”. I must be pretty twisted/well-informed, eh?
that teeny tiny itsy bitsy weasel makes my heart sing with resounding joy! i love little tiny things.
If for no other reason: go see The Woman in Black for all the creepy, funny stuffed items you could research and buy. It made the movie MUCH less scary to think: “Oooh, Jenny would LOVE the maraca shaking monkey!”
Oh my god. I’m so in love with the photos on here! The first one & the “shit I did” photo.
Oh now this is just fuckin awesome. Anything that combines references to The Bloggess, Star Wars, and The Doctor is fuckin awesome
First, I’m relatively new to the glories of the Bloggess, but I have been thoroughly entertained and slightly fanatic for the past few months. But as it has only been a few months, I totally get the Beyonce, Will Wheaton, and all things Dr. Who (LOVE Dr. Who), but what’ with the naked guy in the back?
Red dress. Black dog. Could not be more wonderful.
I nominated you for a versatile blogger award – not that you need it >8)
Ugh! I was hoping you wouldn’t post about the Canadian contest so my odds would be *fantastic*. 😀
His picture was awesome. I have been working with Photoshop now for about a year and am getting better everyday, but am not quite to his level yet.
Juanita the Weasel is pretty fucking awesome…even more awesome in carbonite…and that poster is un-fucking-believable.
Thanks for the update on Alice. That was beautiful!
It’s pretty funny that the “motherfucking” souffle apron is rated PG-13 and is available in kids sizes.
If your brain looks ANYTHING like this, that explains a lot.
That would be a real swell faux painting of you in the old tyme general’s uniform if it weren’t for the KNIGHT’S CROSS medal at the neck. You did know HITLER gave those to his bestest soldiers, right? (All the coolest nazi war criminals wore one)
[If yo u like, I’m sure I can photoshop a Hello Kitty head or smiley face over it for you.]
I couldn’t get past what looked like a naked guy sitting on a bench in the picture…
This is so funny and cute! That rat could walk the runway with those dresses! Lol.
Pretty sure this wrap up is one of my favorites (maybe) God I don’t know I can’t pick!!! OH MY ZOMBIE I DIDN’T STUDY!!!!
Your successes make me feel better about things! Thanks for being so awesomely demented!
Love, love, LOVE that it’s in a TARDIS!
Now what I really want to see is Juanita in a fez. Fezzes are cool. (And this will not make sense if you haven’t seen the last 2 episodes of season 5).
Thank you so much for the update on Alice. I have been wondering about her! My little girl isn’t bipolar, but she is ‘spirited’ (read: Asperger’s), and as someone who deals with anxiety/depression already, sometimes parenting her can be difficult. Thanks for passing on her story and giving me hope (even through tears as I type) that if Alice’s mom can do it, I can too.
Bart Smith is pretty bad-ass. :wonders if he too is followable via twitter:…
I think Juanita Weasel needs her own show. A cooking show where she drinks the cooking wine and curses a lot. I would watch that. I guess it would be hard for her to do since she is dead and all. Oh well. I’ll just imagine that she has her own show. Yeah that’ll work.
I will never look at a taxidermied *anything* the same way again. This year’s outdoor sportsman’s show should be interesting.
That is awesome! Like an “I-Spy” game for Bloggess-ites! …or a Where’s Waldo…either way.
Your next book could be a kids’ picture book: “Where’s Juanita” on every page, or “Where’s Beyonce”, or…
You rock, in 18 ways.
You know…when I was 38 years old my mother turned to me while having a discussion about the “sex talk” with my younger sister and said…”Honey when I think you need to know about sex I’ll let you know.” Lucky for me I learned it all in the gutter where I learned all those awesome words. Good Luck, God Speed!
+10 for Doctor Who references in the first image.
I’m curious how many people went out and searched for a stuffed weasel after this week.
Sales skyrocketed.
Hey! All I have to say is that we found 2 really dead mice in the wall at work & I thought of you! We named them Wally & Eva! I also suggested that we dress them in uniforms & put them on display at work! That didn’t happen.:(
Nobody wanted to touch them:)
Did someone say Juanita frozen in carbonite?
http://pinterest.com/pin/278308451942594926/
I completely support Juanita for President!
In the middle of perusing your Juanita page, my husband put on Celebrity Apprentice. I told him that I didn’t want to watch that show, unless it had Juanita on it as one of the contestants. And then I went back to your blog. My husband made a comment abut the show, and I said I don’t know because I’m not watching the show. My husband got upset and said if I didn’t want to watch the show, then I should have just said I didn’t want to watch the show. Yeah, I thought that’s what I did.
I say Juanita has better hair, hands down! I’d like to see HER fire The Donald.
This post reduced me to tears twice.
Tears of laughter for Juanita and her cabinet of Bloggess curiosities. Really, who wouldn’t love Juanita, in a red dress, in the Tardis???
Tears of gratitude for being able to touch the lives of Alice and her mother, if in a very small way. I didn’t even know I was quoted in the new video until I started watching it.
And Alice, you are rocking that red dress!
Too much awesomeness in this post! Don’t know where to start!!!!
Ha, love all the Juanita Meme’s. Super fantastical. Now to make a meme that says: I didn’t win any free Juanita Weasel junk!!! WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME!
Kidding. Seriously. I’m all photoshopped out from last week.
The End.
Um… So I had a thought. And, to be fair, I am pretty hyped up on cold meds right now, and I’ve been locked away in my apartment for four days BY MYSELF… so maybe this is only funny to me. But I think the Juanita statue should come in the hands of a Wil Wheaton statue. Maybe with a thought bubble saying KKKHHHHAAAANNNNN!!!!!!!
Just something to think about. 🙂
I love Juanita so much. She is dominating my pinterest.
Oh man, the Juanita Weasel memes just crack me up. She’s worth every cent you paid for her. 🙂
The Red Dress stories are equally awesome…in different way.
how about a hunting squirrel?? http://www.etsy.com/listing/87066708/taxidermy-hunting-squirrel-mount-great
Can’t…stop…looking…at…naked…Nathan Fillion…
Dear Bloggess,
I love you, and I love the humor and joy you bring to my life as a graduate student (I study geography…the human kind, none of that physical shit). My Juanita Weasel algebra poster just arrived and it’s hanging up by my oven so the next time I ruin a soufflé (or anything really), I’ll just have to point at the poster. It’s also about the most complex math I can handle. Thank you.
This ebay listing made me think of you – what’s better than a taxidermied flasher squirrel?!
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Squirrel-Mount-cowboy-flashing-his-nuts-Taxidermy-/330693453595?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item4cfedda71b#ht_500wt_1413
ps love your blog =)
A SUGGESTION FOR YOUR JUANITA PHOTO SCULPTURE: why not add a speak [or yell] bubble so that we can add an appropriate comment for the situation. A dry erase marker should work on the swell plastic finish. I know you would sell at least 4 since that is how many I would buy.
Rule 32 i hope you sent that to Dr Phil. I wonder how he would respond hmmmm
Whoever created that photoshop version of Dr. Who deserves a medal. It’s amazing! In fact, I’m jealous…I want one too! 🙂
Here’s a link to a Juanita that I just found on Pinterest. I thought you should see it, partly because your image was stolen, but partly because it’s freaking hilarious.
“Oh, Mr. Bennet!” as performed by Juanita the Weasel. (Photo from http://thebloggess.com) – http://pinterest.com/pin/120260252524257368/?utm_source=android_share