Out drunking

Conversation with my friend Laura:

Laura:  So you didn’t buy the taxidermied marmot?  Were you drunk?

me:  Of course not.  I was just socially drinking.  Not drunk drinking.

Laura:  Drunk drinking?

me:  Drunk drinking = drinking to get drunk.  Which I don’t do.

Laura:  Drunk drinking.

me:  Or “drunking”, if you prefer.  It’s shorter and probably more likely what you’d call it if you actually were out drunking.

Laura: Got it.  Now I kind of want to go drunking.

me: And that’s why words are dangerous.


It’s time for the weekly wrap-up.  Let’s get started, shall we? 


What you missed on my parenting blog on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by my newfangled friends at CoffeeTable, a (free!) iPad app that wants to be your bff and take you shopping—from the comfort of your very own couch / loveseat / pouf. Oh you want your favorite catalogs and exclusive sales and to buy your goodies in just two taps and a magical unicorn? It’s all here (maybe except the unicorn).  YOU’RE WELCOME.

99 thoughts on “Out drunking

Read comments below or add one.

  1. -sad- I want that Iphone app…but have android.
    Happy! Now i can talk about Drunking at work and create HR problems

    (I am that girl)

  2. I wish I could go out for a good ol’ college drunking! —minus the puking hangover, that is. I’m too old for that and will take to long to recover.

  3. I’m totally drinking….wait I’m drunk, so what is the end result of drinking? I’m drunkinged

  4. Texts from Hillary = Awesome

    Texts from Dog = Friggin Awesome

    Texts TO Dog FROM Hillary drunking = YOU GOTTA DO IT, JENNY!

  5. I love you, Jenny! My pilsner glass(es) of wine & I needed a label, and there you are, delivering it right on time!

    I’m DRUNKING tonight!!

    I sure hope Amazon is as good at delivering your book on release day!



  6. Drunking could also be drunk basketball playing. Though that doesn’t sound like it would be as popular.

  7. Went to Anime Boston today.
    Either you were there, or your awesome wolf coat has a brother, because I saw someone going down the escalator in it while I was going up the other side.
    I got very excited and made a total fool of myself trying to explain to everyone on the escalator that they may or may not have been in the presence of The Bloggess.
    It was an awesome near-celebrity encounter.
    I totally give you credit for being that wolf.
    Thanks for making my day.

  8. How could you not get the taxidermied marmot?!?!?! I don’t even know what came next in this post; I was too stunned to continue reading.

  9. Your video with the celebrities of the internet and twitter was an ABOMINATION. Your interchange with Wil was insane-mazing. LOVED IT. GO YOU!! Sorry I couldn’t be of more service. To the future!

    Also, I am thinking about tentatively calling our online store “30 kilos of cut & prepped cocaine” now. Thanks.

    “former lover of unicorns”

  10. I am totally babysitting some folks who are drunk drinking tonight. If I find a taxidermied marmot, I’ll nab it for you. 😉

  11. I drunkinged my way out of college. And that is why I am bitter and come here for my daily pick-me-up. Carry on. And thank you.

  12. I’m completely on board with drunking. I can’t wait to tell my coworkers that there is a word for that unfortunate incident of mine that they witnessed a few Friday evenings ago. Actually, instead of making it seem intentional, I’d like to say that I was a victim of drunking, not an active participant with a goal or anything.

  13. Is it just me or do the links at the end just take me to the apple store??

  14. This may be the new antipsychotics I’m on, but what the crap? I am so lost

  15. I so damn happy that good things are happening for you right now! For all that you’ve done for the rest of us, just by being here, being yourself, and putting yourself out there for us, it’s just right that you should have some happy time! Love ya!

  16. I do my drunking at home 🙁
    Making up lame-ass wussy things like Fruit Cocktail (snack-cup of red grapefruit, sugar syrup, lemonade, and vodka. Because I can’t handle shots). Hey, it worked. Until I cried.

  17. What a coincidence… I’m drunking right now. And watching The Ten Commandments. And remembering the time when I met Charlton Heston at an NRA rally. I was ten, and the meeting was held in the same barn where they show sheep during the county fair. When it was over, they handed out Bibles.

    It was the crowning glory of my young, redneck life.

  18. I drink to be more social (why hello glass of wine + anxiety = me slightly less anxious and more prone to actually socializing instead of burying myself into the nearest wall)… does that count as drunking? Or drunk-alizing? (drinking + socializing?)

  19. It has been awhile since I have gone drunking—but only a short while since my last dubious purchase. I need an excuse for the weird stuff that I pay.

  20. Not to dampen spirits but Oprah NOW is not Oprah back THEN but still, you could get drunken-drinken just thinking about it. You are shit-famous now! Congrats Jenny.

  21. I will use that when I am out celebrating my birthday tomorrow!

    “Hi, it’s my birthday Mister Bartender, so can you help me out with my drunking.”
    “Pardon me, while I go drunking. Or would you like to go with me?”

    It makes the fact that I have to share my birthday with some Jesus fellow who seems to have usurped my day this year. The nerve…


  22. You were in Marie Claire too! I wish I could take a picture of it, but I left my magazine at work.

  23. The story about Tuna Buttons reminded me, of course, of Posey. They should get together. It also reminded me of a book our book club read (title escapes me at the moment) in which one character CAN suck the life out of others and then she takes over their body. It all started with experimenting on her cat. It’s a weird book. It takes place in England and they live next to a cemetary. There were these twins who hated each other and the one twin stole the other twin’s daughters. You’d like it.
    (I just spent 20 minutes going through all my book purchases on Amazon and it’s not there. I have no idea where it came from now).

  24. Sometimes what should be social drinking is drunk drinking and THAT’s when the problems start.


  25. I actually never went out drunking, and now I have a health problem that keeps me from drinking any alcohol at all. Damn.

  26. Drunking… I knew there was a word for how I meant to be spending my time! Now where is my Jack Daniels and my tiara?

  27. Taxidermied marmot – that’s going to be my new favorite thing to call people I don’t like. I will use it in a sentence. “Rick Santorum is a taxidermied marmot.”

  28. Drunking. I knew there was a word for what I meant to be doing with my time. Now where is my Jack Daniels and my tiara?

  29. I love how it is still Saturday and you are posting this. You are way ahead. In so many weird ways.

  30. I just spent a full Saturday making baked goods and cooking and entertaining kids…this is either related to the fact that I keep getting older…or my medication…

  31. One of my NY best friends used to call it Drunking also. We did a lot of it which sadly neither of us can remember. Fucking NY clubs.

  32. I find that if I start drinking, it inevitably becomes drunking.

    It’s just better that way. The anxiety sort of fucks right off, though I have to be sure I’m in a safe setting to be drunking.

    An aside: Making easter dinner while drunking results in burned buns (of the wheat variety) and burned hands (of the flesh variety). You have been warned.


  33. When I’m home alone and don’t need to parent, I like to fix myself a glass of wine with a Benadryl back. I guess that makes me Benadrunk? Yes. I like it.

  34. also – the texts from hillary is pretty amazing. although – what is H B I C? should i know this? what is happening to me?

  35. I’m going have to go drunking to drown my sorrows if my advance-ordered copy of your book doesn’t turn up soon.

    Stupid iPad tried to auto-correct “drunking” to “drinking”. It knows nothing.

  36. “Drunking” is a better word than “getting pissed” which when drunk becomes “pisssssheeeed”

  37. I always preferred ‘getting skwiffed’ or ‘I’m skwiffed’. ‘Tis an old word but
    ’tis a good word!

  38. Drunking, other than learning my SSN, is the other thing I did in college. Oh, and got that degree thing that is in a huge frame in the attic. 🙂 Drunking was the best part.

  39. You do realise that that definition wll now most probably appear in the next re-run of published dictionaries and be attributed to you.

  40. Don’t Drink & Drunk, kids. You’ll regret it later.

    On another note, a wrap-up post featuring seemingly immortal cats AND Doctor Who got me thinking…maybe Posey is a Timelord Cat?

  41. Dearest Jenny,
    You’re far too famous for this, and I’m not really sure how to convince you that this isn’t spam, but I just nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. Congrats! Come on by my blog for the award and details.

    You should do this because if you actually visit my blog, I’ll most likely squeal VERY loudly, scaring either my husband or my coworkers. And if I scare my coworkers, they’ll wonder why, and then I’ll most likely get fired for looking at porn at work, so nevermind. You should probably just ignore this.


  42. My habit of social drinking has made it more difficult for me to achieve a good drunking.

    Also, whenever I see the words “Free Juanita Weasel Puppet”, I can’t help but think it sounds like a political cause, like it’s sponsored by Amnesty International or something. Although I don’t think they advocate for imprisoned weasels.

    Once again, you’ve opened my mind to important issues I hadn’t considered…

  43. Love the story about Tuna Buttons. I am not a drunker or a drinker. I guess I will drive all the rest of you home. Leave your keys here __________/

  44. Had two customers in my store the other day, wearing jackets with the name brand across the right chest, like a name badge. That made me laugh. The ‘Sherpa’ was apparently guiding the ‘Marmot’. I pointed it out to the customers, thinking it was amusing, “You know, if your jackets were namebadges…”. The wife/Marmot laughed, and commented that that was a ‘unique observation’. Thanks to you, I got a lovely mental image of two taxidermied marmots, one dressed as a Sherpa, guiding the other through a snowy display….

  45. THANK YOU for the link to Doctor Who stuffs!!!! I am totally a fan of both the original and the reboot. I carry around the 10th Doctor’s sonic screw driver. Only slightly obsessed, mind you. 🙂

  46. Isn’t it great when kids remind us that if something doesn’t turn out exactly as we envisioned, it can still be the “perfect” creation? Your kid seems amazing, Jenny. You must be doing something right 🙂

  47. going out drunking after a long day of social family drinking. I would blame you, but I am too much in heart with you to want to get you into trouble!

  48. A drunking, I haven’t done that in a while with good reason. Though now I really want that app, curse having an Android phone instead. Keeps me from having all the nifty stuff.

  49. After reading your first negative book review, I find myself* consumed with curiosity about the back cover.

    *I get lost a lot. Sometimes I find myself again

  50. Thank you for always finding things that make my life better and sharing them. Down the Who Hole made my whole day. 🙂

  51. I love the term that you used in the conversation
    drunk drinking
    thanks for this post.

  52. I’m sure the fines would be much worse if someone is caught drunking and driving. I mean, if you’re trying to get drunk, then putting yourself behind the wheel? Off to jail with you little crazy! Now if you were just caught drinking and driving, the cops will be like: Oh, you weren’t trying to be drunk? Well, we’ll just let you off with a warning. And don’t worry, we’ll pay for that telephone pole you demolished with your hummer.

    The End

  53. The story of The Immortal slayed me! I just recently lost my 22yo cat. The thing was, he went downhill in 3 days and, of course, on a Saturday night when the rest of the family was out of town I had to make a drive in the rain to the nearest emergency vet clinic. Xrays showed badness, so I had him put to sleep. He was mangy and deaf and had kitty Alzheimer’s and seemed to live FOREVER.

  54. Sounds alcohological to me. I believe in making up my own words too. Especially during/after drinking copious amounts of alcohol.

    Alcohological –
    (adj.) Things that seem logical only after consuming large amounts of alcohol.

  55. Also, when I first read that, I thought it said “taxidermied MARMITE” Which would loads different, albeit tastier. Maybe. How WOULD a taxidermied Vegemite sandwich taste? The mind boggles.

  56. Dear Jenny

    thank you for introducing me to the the awesomesauce that is Text From Dog. I may never get any work done again.


    P.S. You may also like to know that my Husband and I are considering buying Beyonce’s for all the family this year for Christmas and that “Holy Shit-Snacks” is our new favourite exclaimation. Love Me.

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