UPDATED: Victor doesn’t understand me or the allure of dead rodents.

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap

Conversation between me and Victor:

me:  Hey, just FYI? I just bought myself a celebration mouse instead of steak.

Victor:  I already regret asking for clarification.

me: Well, I got a good review in Oprah’s magazine so I thought I deserved a steak dinner to celebrate, but I don’t really like steak so instead I thought to myself “Well what do you like?” and I realized that I like ethically taxidermied Victorian mice dressed in people clothes.

Victor: You just realized that?

me:  Well “remembered” is probably more accurate.  But here’s the deal, they were CRAZY CHEAP.

Victor: “They”?

me: I may have bought five.

Victor: Motherfucker.  THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE INTERNET.

me:  Yes, but they were practically buy one, get four free because they were only $150 for the whole set.  That’s like $8 bucks each.

Victor:  Using what kind of fucked up Algebra?

me:  8 bucks a leg.

Victor:  That’s not how math works.

me:  It does with mice, plus they’re fancy mice.

Victor:  Why?  Because they’re white?

me:  No, racist.

Victor:  Dude.  At the pet store all the “fancy mice” are white.  Don’t blame me.

me:  Fine, Victor.  I’ll just blame the system.  But no, they’re fancy because they’re all in black tie.  AND THEY’RE IN AN ORCHESTRA.

I'm making an evening gown for the one on the right because right now it's too much of a sausage party and no one wants mouse sausage.

Victor: Hang on.  These mice are 150 pounds.

me:  No fucking way.  They’re MICE.  They’re like 3 pounds COMBINED.

Victor:  No, I mean the price is in British pounds.  AND THIS IS WHY YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO BUY CELEBRATION MICE ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT SUPERVISION.

me:  You know what?  You are ruining the whimsical celebration of these dead mice.  Plus, I don’t understand the pound conversion.  Is it 150 pounds of American cash?  Because if I pay in wheelbarrows of pennies those Brits are screwed.

Victor:  Please stop buying dead animals without asking me first.

me:  You should have put that in our wedding vows.

Victor: You should stop buying dead mice playing instruments.

me:  You should start making tiny coats and tails for these dead mice.  Also, I need  150 pounds of money.  I’m raiding your change drawer.

Victor: I don’t even feel safe in my own house anymore.

 ***********************

In related news, I want to celebrate with you too since you’ve been with me these last ten years of writing this book.  The book comes out a week from tomorrow (!) so I’m giving away an autographed copy of the audio book on CD (read by me) which has extra outtakes and a bonus chapter.

All you have to do is submit a name for one of the mice (or the whole group) in the comments and I’ll choose someone at random to win. And again, thank you.  I couldn’t have done this without your support.  Seriously.

UPDATED:  You people are get greatest dead animal namers in the history of ever and you should bookmark this page for the next time you have a hamster with no name.  I’ll randomly pick a winner for the CD tomorrow but until then I just wanted to share a few of my favorites that you’ve shared:

“Mice-tro Wallace Hartley II and the Von Trapps”

“Mouse-zart”

“Yo-Yo Mouse”

“Hobo Thunderbun”

“Ludwig Van Squeekhoven”

“Neil Patrick Harris”

“Henry Mousini”

“Nigel Higgenbottom”

“Alsonso Mousekovitz”

“Bippen Schnitzelpuss”

“Viktor Aqualung Cumberbatch”

“Mathilda St. Whiskers”

“Lady Persephone Cheddarton”

“Puddles”

Please, never stop…

2,127 thoughts on “UPDATED: Victor doesn’t understand me or the allure of dead rodents.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. Love them! How can Victor not understand that this is a perfectly acceptable replacement for celebration steak? Your own mouse-chestra!

  4. Big congrats on the imminent book launch. I’ve always thought Dave was a good name for a mouse. No puns. Just a good, simple, straight-forward name.

  5. I sense some interesting mice action shots coming… please tell me you paid extra for the expedited shipping, right?

  8. I’m not sure about the mice themselves, but I think they’re playing a piece by Tchaimousky.

  10. Name them all after famous Jazz artists.

    The one with the saxophone just looks like his name should be Satchmo (even though it’s the wrong instrument).

  11. The Viennese Mousical Orchestra starring: Friedrich, Hans, Wilhem, and Sieglinde. Conducted by Mergatroyd the Maestro.

  13. It’s Willis. Not the conductor or the any of the “first chair” mice, but that guy in the back – possibly with a flute (hard to tell). Anyway. his name is Willis. Please, address him as such. Speaking of dress – going to need something with a little more attitude. He’s very tall so maybe a lovely tophat? I don’t know. This is your expertise. I just know that he’s Willis and he WILLis kick some ass if you make fun of his friends.

  15. I’ll go with Efigenia, Gmork, Rick Steves, Fritz, and Fabrizio the Stable Boy

  17. Those mice need very important sounding names. Like Leonardo. Alfredo.

    Or Larry, Darryl, and his other brother Darryl. And two other guys.

  19. I think the name of the female mouse (as you indicated one will be) is going to actually set the tone for the entire set. I think something creative and feminine… Penelope? Or Ivanka? Or Liliana?

  20. Incidentally, there’s a dead baby mouse on the path leading to my house right now. Well, it may be gone since it just rained really hard – but if it’s still there maybe I could collect it and send it to you… if you like lol

  21. Cherie – it’s a little too late for any of those mice to be dying for anything, ya know?

    Jenny – the one with the saxophone is clearly Bill Clinton. You can ask about his underwear if you don’t believe me.

  22. Amadeus Mouse-art. Ludwig van Mouse-thoven. Johann Sebastian Mouse. Gustav Mouse-ler. Mouse-kovsky. SOMEBODY STOP ME.

  23. I think the conductor mouse should get a dress. You know, for feminism. Or trans-acceptance. Whichever.

  26. All five:
    Oberon, Puck, Caliban, Tybalt, and for the girl, Thisbe

  28. Oh, right: a name. I think the one in middle, facing the camera, should be called Tarquin–since these are British mice, and that’s a good British name.

  30. The girl really needs to be named Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the Third

  31. The girl in the dress may be Princess Muffin-butt; The sax player with the bow-tie could definately be Bartleby James.

  32. Moustafa Rodenteron and the Fancifus Quartet. Featuring Seymore Bagswell on French Horn.

    Black pants with a shiny stripe down the seam, and at least one in an evening gown – maybe the trombone player as she/he has her bowtie on upside down in protest. Oh – and bolero jackets. Definitely.

  36. Reminds me of college days…I had a sicko roommate who passed a lady walking 3 beautiful dogs and without missing a beat looked down and said, “Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner”. It didn’t help that we were in NYC Chinatown and he was Asian. I think the lady was in shock and quickly ran away from us.

    I couldn’t help think, “Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Appetizer, and Dessert”.

  37. The saxaphonist, clearly, is Ezekiel “Underbite” Simmons. I’d know him anywhere.

  38. I think the conductors name should be Wolfgang Amadeus Mouseart, just saying.

  40. How about The Rat Pack? But you get to pick which one is Frank Sinatra.

  41. The one who ends up in the evening dress should be Ophelia. Fancy, and Shakespearean-y… an appropriate name for a fancy mouse in an orchestra, don’t you think? And also kind of tragic; because… you know… she’s dead.

  42. I’m pretty sure I’m no good at naming mice. But i would like to submit Bob. Because it’s easy to remember.

  44. Obviously the group is Die Fledermaus, the conductor is Johan Strauss/Mouse II, one should be Gabriel von MousEisenstein, and the one in the evening gown could be Rosalinde, MousEisenstein’s wife

  45. From the left: Nestor, Landon (given name is actually Lestor, but Nestor made him change it), Jonathan, Baldovino (affectionately called Baldy) and Imogen Faith.

  46. Phinneas McMousen? Fancy-Phin (I just nicknamed him) is the conductor of the group. Their quintet might be The Verminites.

  47. I never thought I’d like taxidermied animals, but I’m loving your collection here!

    Name … hmm… Maurice, Lilianya, Herbert, Theodore, and Steve.

    There’s always a Steve.

  49. Damn, there’s isn’t one playing a piano. It would be named Thelonious Mouse. If the one in the back is playing the trumpet you could go with Wynton Mousalis.

    Oy, the puns.

  51. Marmite (don’t ask me why but I want to try some so its been on my mind). Plus, it sounds like a good name for a mouse.

    Also, Tennyson, Merriweather, Cornflower, Sassafras, Duke, or Cary (as in Cary Grant since I love him so). I had a pet mouse once I named Cheese so that could work too.

    You could call them Marmite and the Lord Tennyson’s. 🙂

    Congrats on the review. I cannot wait to get my copy in the mail.

  52. I’ve always wanted to name my band Marvin and the Rabbits. But I can’t sing or play any instruments, so you can take that for your little mousey jazz band because they are clearly more talented than I will ever be. PS- SO excited for your book!

  53. Ok, the whole group is called the Shadow Proclamation Tribute Band (Dr Who reference) and the evening gown (soon to be, anyway) wearing lady is ChiChi Jones.

    Sorted.

  56. The conductor should be in a dress too, because that’s just kick-ass. Girl Power!!

    I’m thinking they are redneck mice who just happened to dress up for the day, so the girls must be Bitsy and Wanda. The boys are Bubba, Cletus, and Bodine. You’d have realized they were redneck mice if you’d seen the beer cans they had hidden by their feet 😉

  57. They are cleary french mice and therefore one of them needs to be named Jean Claude.

  59. First off, I can’t wait for the day 30 years into the future when the crew from “Hoarders” has to go through your shit.

    Comedy gold.

    Second, I suggest the following:

    – Duke Mousington
    – Yo Yo Mouse
    – Kenny Gee I Could Sure Go For Some Cheese
    – Jim

  60. Shouldn’t the saxophone mouse be immortalizing one of the greats like Branford Mousalis, or Kenny G Mouse or Charlie Parkermouse (although he was known as Bird so not sure how that fits in evoluntionarily speaking). I like Franchesca (phonetically spelled) for the evening gown wearer.

  63. 3+2 Blind Mice (Band Name) Name the girl Mary (in honor of Little House) and the boys can be Ray, Stevie, Andrea (with an accent) and John Kay.

  66. Well, since they’re British, and they’re mice, and mice like cheese (or is that a stereotype?), I think they should be:
    Crowdie, Farleigh Wallop, Pantysgawn, Stinking Bishop, and Little Wallop. All cheese of British origin. And yes, Pantysgawn is really a cheese, but it’s hilarious!

  67. At least one of them is named Lorenzo. I’m also fond of Rupert, Alfredo, Simone, and something that starts with C. Crawford? Coraline? Knock yourself out, you wonderful evil genius.

  69. You should name them after kinds of cheese: cheddar, swiss, pepperjack, etc…

    Can’t WAIT to get my hands on your book!

  73. Since Victor is such a fan, you should name them ALL Victor. Except the one you’re making an evening gown for. She can be Victoria.

  78. Ambert Roquefort. It’s a bit cheesy* but eloquent at the same time. *These names also double as types of cheeses.

  82. The one on the right who will be wearing the evening gown looks like Victoria to me. Just tell Victor it’s one of those “honor thy husband” bullshit things.

  84. The saxophonist should be Branford Mousalis. He could play either jazz or classical.

  85. The little one at the back with what I’m guessing is a trombone looks like an Archibald, or Archie. Mainly because he’s small and round-shouldered and looks a little nervous and weedy. In an adorable way, though. Who doesn’t love the nerdy friend?

  89. The group should definitely be Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, consisting of Layzie Bone, Flesh-n-Bone, Bizzy Bone, Wish Bone, and Lawrence.

  90. The middle one at first glance looks like he has a trumpet, so Sachmo. But at second glance it’s a trombone, so that might not be the best name.
    I vote for great jazz legends though.

  91. The group should be called the “Fieldharmonic Orchestra” (field mice, philharmonic, etc)

  95. I think the conductor just screams ‘Edgar’, because (s)he looks both rich AND happy (wikipedia assures me this has something to do with the name edgar). Also, I had a conductor called Edgar once, although I may have made that up.

  96. I think you should name them after a boy band like n’sync…

    Justin Timberlake
    JC Chasez
    Joey Fatone
    Chris Kirkpatrick
    Lance Bass

    Cause a mice in tie named Justin Timberlake is funny!

  99. Considering they are British mice their names would be from left to right

    Monsieur Bartholomew P Percival
    Colonel Cuthbert
    Lord Larry Lars Lancelot
    Sir Solomon Montgomery III
    Steve

  101. I feel strongly that one of the mice should be named Oliver Clarence Mousaford. And Mousaford is obviously pronounced “Mouse-a-fud”.

    If your looking for a more sophisticated name I also recommend The Ever Distinguished, Oliver Clarence Mousaford III.

  102. For the one in the back, I can’t tell what he’s (yes, it’s definitely a he) holding, but it looks a lot like he’s brandishing some epic-looking garden hose, so his name should be Hoser the Great. The one for which you’re making an evening gown could be Helga Hornist.

  105. Let’s see, the mice are Lady Beatrice of the West Chester Rodentia (she in the gown), and her loyal footmen: Fergus, Angus, George and Cristoff. Rumor has it that Lady Beatrice has been having an affair with the exotic Cristoff. She’s a bit daring!

  107. Jasper, Ezra, Nimrod, Nellie and York.. make up the band J.E.N.N.Y. I looked up popular Victorian names and came up with all of those EXCEPT York. There was no “Y” name for male or female.

  108. I’m thinking a jazz ensemble of all time great musicians reincarnate as mice (who then died again since, you know, mice don’t live all that long–poor choice on their part, actually–should have come back as sea turtles–but I digress). Duke Ellington conducting, Dizzy Gillespie on trumpet, John Coltrane on saxophone and Glenn Miller on the trombone. You’re on your own for the last one. Looks like a french horn and I can’t think of any famous french horn players. And since you’ve decided to make that one into a transvestite, I’m completely at a loss (and fyi, slapping a boy mouse into a dress doesn’t make it any less of a sausage fest–it just pretties it up a bit).

  111. Murph Mouse and the Magic Tones (sorry – just watched the “Blues Brothers” again. Also, I think the lady should be River Song.

  114. You should name one of them Marcel Mouse, after the famous flautist Marcel Moyse.

  115. Since they are from England, and obviously an older group, how about Fleetwood Mouse? John – the conductor (and drummer when needed), Lindsey, Mick, Stevie and Christine (if you decide to dress another one as a girl) or Bob if you want to leave him as a guy. Classic group – Classic Mice.

  117. I think the one in the dress should be Ramatoulaye.

    Other suggestions: Howard, Archibald, Roland, Clarence.

  119. If a tree falls in the forest does anybody sneeze? For one of the mice or the whole band, you decide.

  120. You should name the conductor Mister Bobo, after the man upstairs in Coraline. He owns a mouse circus.

  121. My first thought was the band on the Titanic. Their names were Hartley, Bricoux, Brailey, clarke, hume, Krins, Percy Cornelius Taylor and John Wesley Woodward. I think any of those would do. Although Im partial to Hartley and Percy Cornelius Taylor!

  123. One of them needs to be named Alonso, so you can say “Allons-y, Alonso!”

  125. Conductor of the Royal Camembert Philharmonic: Franz Klemens Schwarzenberg

    Then, from the left:
    Rudolf Maurer
    Tobias (he prefers to be known as having only one name. Like Madonna. Or Cher.)
    Otto Jurgen Schönfeld
    Annaliese von Bozen (yes, she’s nobility. No, you may not take a picture with her.)

  129. In honour of the band I was named after, I’d suggest Terry and the Pirates. I think that was also the name of a cartoon or comic strip. You could change the spelling of Terry to Teri (the way I spell it, you know, like Teri Garr. Or Teri Hatcher.) so the girl mouse has a more girly spelling for her name.

    In other news: http://www.amazon.ca/Jenny-Lawson-Terrence-James-Victorino/dp/6138436954/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1333978757&sr=1-3
    WTF? I could do that. I should — I’d finally get published. And $50.48! Wow.

  130. Ingeborg Von Strumpet (for the female, and she should probably be in a blue dress to bring out her eyes)
    Hector Necket
    Rodrick Brunost
    Pierre Roquefort
    And the conductor: Aleric Danger Stilton.

    and the band should be called “Danger Five” after Aleric “Danger is my middle name” Stilton.

  133. Farnsworth! With the exclamation point, for the guy with the slide trombone. Or The Hide & Surprise Symphony Players 🙂 Rock on, Jenny!

  137. Rodney and Sigfried should definitely be used. And maybe Chadwick. Or Zeus!

  139. This mouse orchestra could only be better if that was a music box. That rotated. Perfect center piece for every holiday!

  141. Wait, you don’t like steak? That’s just wrong. Steak is the ultimate version of meat! Mmmm… now I’m hankering for a steak way too early in the morning…

    I think the mice should be named Dimitri, Piotr, Vladimir, Boris, and Anastasiya. They tried out for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but they just didn’t make the cut. Sad. 🙁

    The End.

  142. Basil; one of them HAS to be named Basil… Oh, and Wilimina; the one that gets the ball gown should be called Wilimina

  144. There seems to be a dearth of female names suggested so far, so I’ll throw out Gertrude. Nothing says “I’m a classical mouse” like Gertrude.

  147. Moustro for the lead mouse and everyone would have to refer to him as The Moustro like from Seinfeld. That sh*t cracks me up lol

  149. Vermin Ensemble. And if you’re turning the right one into a girl mouse, I suggest Ellouise.

  150. Um I don’t know what kind of instrument the guy in the center is playing but to me it looks like he’s holding an uzi. So I’m going with Rambo.

  152. The Writer’s Orchestra of Accompaniment, with Harrell, Sheryl, Feral, Meryl, and Dude.

  154. The guy in the back (I think he has a trumpet) is the self-appointed leader and is named Mr. Pinkerton. The other mice try and call him “Pinky” but when they do he refuses to acknowledge them until they finally relent and just call him Mr. PInkerton just to move practice along.

  158. There needs to be at least one named “Cheddar Dave”. Probably the one on saxophone, though I’m not picky.

  161. Given that these are British mice, I believe you need a Nigel, a Basil (pronounced BAH-sil), a Giles, a Roger, and Penelope (but call her Pippa!) for the lady mouse. Or, you could just call the quintet “The Tallywhackers” and be done with it.

  165. Name one Stacey for no reason other than it’s my name & I’ve always wanted a namesake!

  166. I have a little stuffed mouse named Algernon that I take on vacations and take photographs of as he enjoys things. He met Mickey Mouse last December. He was ecstatic.

    My husband was really sad that I didn’t name him Paws Scaggs. I respectfully offer that name to you, which is appropriate because it is musical.

    p.s. I would like to emphasize that by stuffed, I mean stuffed as in “teddy bear” not stuffed as in “corpse.”

  169. Well, obviously since they’re fancy British mice they need to have fancy British names. Like Abel, Abbott, Abigail, Adamson and Adolph.

  170. Kosmo, Kira, Kayla, Kiddo & Klancey.
    Not coincidentally the names of our 2 dogs, 2 cats and the bat we “adopted” at the World Forestry Center.

  173. This sophisticated musical ensemble deserves a sophisticated name: Musical Musculus or maybe even Musicus Musculus. Mus Musculus being the scientific name for the common house mouse.

  178. Couldn’t one of them wear a polka dot bow tie? Black is so sober for a mouse orchestra. Back row, far right…his name is Vicomte de Souriceau. He’s fallen on hard times and now has to play for his cheese with lowly musicians.

  179. Emilio Estevez. I know, I know, it seems out in left-field right now but what’s Emilio Estevez doing these days? Probably playing the piccolo.

  181. Something about the jaunty way the saxophonist is wearing his bow tie, he strikes me as a ‘Marvin’ Mouse. All their surnames are ‘Mouse’ presumeably?
    And please DON’T stop buying animals without asking Victor first.

  183. They should totally be called Meistro Maximus and the Fabulous Four! I’d watch them perform with a name like that!

  185. It’s clear that the fancy theme must continue on; i mean they are wearing bow ties!

    My vote is for Alfred or Gregory for the leading mouse.

  186. I’m thinking Georgina for the lovely mouse with the yet to be made gown (perhaps in red?). I can’t wait to listen to your book and I’m thrilled it includes the out takes. That rips :-).
    Thanks heals for making my life a better place to be. 🙂
    Xxx

  187. I feel like since these are musical mice, they all need musical names.
    Therefore: Gustav Mahler, John Lennon, the artist formerly known and once again known as Prince, Stephen Sondheim, and the one who will be in the dress: Dolly Parton.

  189. I LOVE your mice. But I feel bad for Victor. It seems like it must be hard for him to go through life so confused all the time.

    Names? Hmmmm… Desidario. Williamson. Haviland. Mr Fritch. And HockEye.

  191. It’s obvious that the mouse you’re going to put a dress on should be called Jezebel. And she could have an ongoing rivalry with Juanita. For the record, I think all the mice in the ensemble should have J names. The only other good one I can think of is Jules. Jules and Jezebel. Those are my only contributions. *sobs*

  197. Sometimes, I maybe, for a tiny split second, think I’m on Victor’s side, like this time. And then I saw the picture. They are so totally worth 150 pounds, however much that converts to in dollars. OMG. I love them. My friend who is trying to find a taxidermied meerkat is going to be so jealous.

  198. Nathaniel, gertrude, Mr. Butterworth, eustice and l-a (pronounced ladasha)

  199. Micey Gray

    Except of course, she’s white. The mouse, I mean.

    The Count Micey Orchestra

    Squeekze (okay, wrong genre)

    Whiskers and the Hickory Dock Five
    Or is it four? Do they include the bandleader when they do those things?

  201. I think you should name the mouse conductor after Victor.
    Perhaps then he’d feel better about the entire thing.
    Well that, and he’d probably be compelled to make it a pair of pants. 🙂

  202. In honour of the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, I believe the conductor should be named Wallace Hartley (leader of the band that kept on playing). The others you can choose from other band members:
    Fred Clarke
    P.C. Taylor
    G. Krins
    Theodore Brailey
    Jock Hume
    J.W. Woodward

    I dont know if those names are correct- you cant trust the internet

  203. Because they’re all “fancy mice” I think they should have a small plaque reading “Vanilla Mice playing ‘Mice Mice, Baby in G minor.”

  204. These mice are just gorgeous. This is why I hope to have taxidermied animal scenes when I’m living in a house with my random husband-like object in ten or twenty years.

    If I get cats, they will just have to live with the fact that the MICE ARE NOT TOYS.

    Anyway. I sense these mice should be named: Levinowitz Saskatchewan (conductor), Cecil Bernard (saxophonist), Xavier Bonaparte (trombone/whatever-the-Fudge-That-Brass-Instrument-Is Player), Marcel Bon Qui Qui (trumpet player), Elizabeth Susan Thatcher-Monroe (french horn player/bad ass feminist woman-mouse).

  207. Why do those mice remind me of the scene in Titantic where the orchestra is playing as the ship is sinking?

  213. I think one should absolutely be named Winston Henry Grant Danger Blstamford the third. The third is part of the name, not to be confused with a junior’s junior.

  214. I think Victor gets so cranky because you haven’t named any of your awesome taxidermied friends after him. It is obvious that the female one should be named Victoria. Possibly Queen Victoria since she’s British and all.

  217. I think you should name the one holding the trombone Albert…because he looks remarkably like the mouse of the same name in the classic Christmas cartoon “T’was the Night Before Christmas.” He’ll probably fuck up your clocks while you sleep, too…just like the cartoon mouse. But he’ll have the best of intentions while doing so.

  219. They are the Royal Rodent Orchestra led by Sir Malcolm Mousington and playing a rousing rendition of Stairway to Taxidermy Heaven. That is all.

  220. Percival and Maxwell. The one in the evening gown should be Isabelle. And because tomorrow is my adorable nephew’s birthday, you should name one Grant.

    I’m so excited for your book to arrive next Tuesday I could almost wet myself. You’re welcome for that image!

  221. For the band: Mus (from Mus Musculus… scientific name for the house mouse).

  222. Cameron, Sloane, Jeanie, Charlie Sheen, and Mr. Rooney.

    You’d have to have to make one more dress, sorry.

  223. Alfred Geller (just use Alfred) — he was a famous Hungarian maestro way back when. He’s also the CEO of Geller Media Management & an attorney who worked on Wall Street!! LOL!!

  224. Yep, too many mice dick on the dance floor. Or the orchestra floor. Whateves. Hey! Since the mice look like the doomed orchestra of the Titanic and they are re-releasing that shit, maybe you could name it Kate. Or Leo… or KLEO! That’s it- Mrs. Kleo, the psychic cymbal-playing mouse. You’re welcome.

  225. I like Persephone.. because she was the queen of the underworld.. or Minerva.. just cause it sounds cool

  226. Well that’s easy. Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr, Peter Lawford, Joey Bishop; aka the Rat Pack. Of course.

  228. I see an Alonso in there and maybe a Frannie. Ooh and a sherlock! The one on the left reminds me of tue great mouse detective.

  231. I was in a musical play in 4th grade. It was the story of Mozart, only if Mozart and all his people were mice. I was mouse narrator number 3 or something and the lipstick the moms used to make my nose red stained my skin so I more closely resembled the village sot than a mouse for the following week. At any rate, these classically trained mice are begging to be called “Of Mice and Mozart” after our sad rendition of a play.

    Or, barring that, maybe the Rondo Rodents?

  232. I haven’t read all the comments, so I feel pretty sure someone’s already pointed this out, but the conductor simply must be called “Mice-tro,” right?

    That sounds more like a title than a name, though, so what about Micetro Rod?

  233. Alistair, Bartemaeus, Chadwick, Donovan, and Ermitrude (you said you were making one a girl, right?)

  237. I think you should name them Wil Wheaton and Collaters! Or the The Don’t Be a Dick Orchestra featuring Wil Wheaton. (I super love Wil Wheaton and think everything should be named in his honor)

  239. Well, obviously (and I hope it hasnt been said yet, I didn’t read them *all*) the conductor is “the Micetro!”

  245. something along the lines of Door Mouse Quartet or Fancy Mouse Quartet… or Dead as a Door Mouse? Also, I couldn’t decide if they’re a quartet or a quintet. Does a conductor count as a member of the group?

  246. Starting with the conductor and going clockwise I would name them: Horatio, Archibald, Royce, Bubba (he just REALLY looks like a Bubba) and Lulu (once she gets her dress).

  247. I think the one that will wear an evening gown just screams Donna Noble. I mean, she is British after all.

  248. Didn’t read through the comments yet. Can I be first (probably not, sigh…) to suggest The Mouseketeer Chamber Orchestra??? And? Victor should totally get off your case because this is probably the best taxidermy purchase you’ve made yet 🙂

  253. I love the mice!!! Congrats on the good review, and I can not wait to get my hands on your book!
    My husband thinks I’m odd because I’m in love with 2 taxidermied minx. Well, I just read him this blog and he now realizes he’s got it easy!
    So in honor of him and his high school trombone playing days: I’d name the middle mouse “Macthe”.
    And I think the group should be called 150 Pounds of Pennies

  254. They look like they should belong to The Boston Symphony Mice since clearly the composer is John Mice Williams.

  255. One should be named O. Just O. O for Oprah’s magazine, the impetus for the purchase as well as for Omaha Steaks, in honor of the steak you did not buy instead. Wait! There are five of them. Give them each one initial. Ready? M … O … U … S … E.

  256. Theodupus, Bartholemu, Phydeaux (the girl – “fido”), Brenedon, Mischeveaux (like bordeaux and Phydeaux), Pharl, Maddvox the smeared, Johan the conquerer, Villington Bradview Wiley (all one name) or Fred.

  258. Bartholomew. obviously.

    p.s. cant wait for the book, already have my copy pre-ordered!!

  259. You should definitely name your lady-mouse Squeaktoria J. Pippington! And the conductor could be Pasquale Mousporani. Someone else already mentioned naming one of the mice Percival and I’m all for that as well. Additionally, Randall Q. Porpington, III, Esq. is a good name for a mouse, I think. 🙂

  260. Herr Detweiler.

    (Sorry, “The Sound of Music” was on yesterday and I can’t shake that name from my brain.)

  263. I like the name Reginald for the one with the french horn (I played french horn once upon a time) unless that’s the girl, then her name should be Lottie… totally Victorian era.

  264. I know they are ENGLISH and all….but I love me some good Russian history names: Rasputin, Felix, Alexander, Cyril, and Dimitry.

  267. # 59 Moooooog35 had excellent names. I giggled at Yo Yo Mouse and Kenny G I sure could go for some cheese. Lol most are quite good though. I’ve always known your friends have great imaginations, myself not so good, so I will leave it to the masters. Good Luck picking a winner.

  268. Hecate. For the one who gets the evening gown. She was all magicy and witchcrafty and I think she would approve of your taxidermied mice.

  269. Because writers (especially Victorian writers) would make a kick ass band – Charles Dickens, Lewis Carroll, Sir Thomas Malory, Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle, Edgar Allen Poe. Can’t you just SEE them all together?!

  271. Congrats on the book! (and the good review in OPRAH) There are lots of great name suggestions. If you feel like making five evening gowns, you could name them after the Bennett sisters from Jane Austen’s ‘Pride and Prejudice:’ Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Lydia and Kitty. I think it would be amusing to have a mouse named Kitty.

  272. From the right front working clockwise: Ms Cornelia Wisebaker, Sir Adam Keysmith, Duke Elijah Trimrunner, Sir Josef Shelfington, and Albie Munkhouse. The Duke only plays with them during his free time since he has a lot of duke-ish duties to perform but loves classical music. Albie is just some kid found on the street playing for food money, but he was very good so they let him join in. Its like instead of picking up trash on the freeway but better and more convenient for them. Mice like convenience.

  275. I vote the one that gets the dress is named “Rose DeWitt Bukater.”

    If she already has a name, then I vote the conductor’s name be, “Gentlemen-it-has-been-a-privilege-playing-with-you-tonight.”

  276. I immediately thought of Reginald. Then I did a quick read through and other people have also thought Reginald but you know what that means? I’m right. One of them is definitely named Reginald.

    That’s Reginald, not Reggie, Reg or Nald. His mother named him Reginald and Reginald it will be.

    Also, if you say Reginald enough it doesn’t sound that weird. What does sound weird is the British accent that I have begun using to say the name.

  277. My nickname is “Mouse of the House” and I have a mouse tattoo… so, yeah.. that works with this post…

    OK… so NOT about me.

    Call one Millicent. Or Malcolm. Aristotle. Chuck.

    Love them!

  278. Harpo in honour of the reason you purchased them; the review in Oprah’s magazine. Then carry-on the Marx Brothers theme with Groucho, Chico, Gummo and the evening gown bedecked one can be Zeppolina.

  281. The conductor looks like a Fredrick Von Meter to me. But thats just how I see it. Oh and the is the one in the dress going to be a “girl” mouse, our a “guy” mouse dressed like a girl. That could make a lot of difference on the name choice…cause a guy mouse in a dress would be AWESOME and I would call him Vida in honor of Patrick Swazye in the “To Wong Foo” movie. Again, that just my thoughts on the subject.

  288. Another vote for Horatio! And you should have a Julian because it’s such a sexy boy name and my husband hates it and even thought we only have girls he said he would never name a boy Julian.

  289. Voldemouse, Hairy Potter, Ron Weseally, Hermousine Granger, and Drako Mousefoy

  290. Awesome. The lovely lady with the French Horn should be named Fredericka Von Mousenhausen. I imagine that she’s a bit of a strumpet (hence the nakedness during orchestra, hussy), but now that she’s playing with the big boys I trust that you’ll attire Fredericka appropriately.

  292. Sir Guathier and he HAS to have a top hat. And then Madame Aerwyna for the one you are going to put into an evening gown.

  294. I see a red dress in the future of the female mouse. I also think Fiona would be a fitting name for her:)

  297. Congrats on the review!! One of them has to be Percy, Wallace or Rory. You could do a Doctor Who theme. The Conductor could be the Doctor. The Sax player has to be Jack because he’s just sexy. The one off to the right is obviously River. The two in the middle are a little tricky. The one with the sword looks like Mickey. The last one is a Wilfred.

  298. I love this! I love the Mice and thought maybe a group name of The Mousketunes! Or The Rat Pack band?

  299. Chester. For one of the mice, not for the group. Unless you really want to. It’s your mouse group, so who am I to judge?

  300. Jenny, congratulations on another wonderful review! I am becoming more attracted to taxidermied animals because of you, but as of yet have not gone out shopping for any. The mice would be very hard to pass up though. I would name the band “All Jazzed Up” featuring Leroy, Red, Sid, Earl , and Bunny. They should be dressed in formal attire.

  301. Peter Ilyitch Tchaikovsky for the composer because you’re supposed to spend several minutes remembering at least one mouse’s name. 🙂

  303. Since they are dead and, obvioulsy, musicians, I would name them after dead musicians… all beginning with the letter J, because I like that letter… and I can’t name 5 other dead musicians from roughly the same time period that all start with the same letter.

    John
    Jerry
    Jim
    James
    Janis

  304. I think Fievel is befitting such distinguised mice. And of course, then you must have Figaro. So you could do a whole group of F names, and aptly name the band the Funky Vermin. If one of the rodents is a ladykiller, you could call him Fabio. Perhaps Fritz and Felipe could round out the bunch, but only if Felipe is very suave. Hey, Ferris Mewler can be their groupie! lol

  307. Maybe one should be Stringfellow Hawke. When not performing in the orchestra he is fighting crime and flying Airwolf. Taxidermied pets with secret identities are all the rage.

  310. I would name one of them Monk, like Thelonious Monk. Or that obsessive compulsive on TV. Either way!

    PS I love audiobooks!

  312. Wil Wheaton. Definitely Wil Wheaton. And he should probably be the trombone mouse. And the one you’re making the dress for could be Felicia Day. IT WOULD BE LIKE A DEAD MOUSE QUARTET OF FAMOUS PEOPLE.

  313. The female…once she IS female…should be Eleanor! I don’t know why really…Elizabeth came to mind…Emma, even, but no…she should be Eleanor! (As to why they are all E names…I cannot tell you. It seems that is the letter of the day! LOL)

  314. To go with a Jazz theme….. Thelonious (Monk), Dizzy (Gillespie), Coltrane, Max (Roach), and Ella. Or if one has a sax, maybe you should throw in a Kenny G or wait….Yanni!!!

    Yanni Van Schnitzel…..could work. 😉

  315. Orchesteral Mousenuevers in the Dark. I’d name a mouse Shandy Gaff (a Victorian drink), or maybe change it to Shandy Geoff.

  317. The saxman is Marty. I don’t recognize the others…maybe they’re session peeps?

  325. Pompadour. I’m in Australia, so not sure if I can win. Still… Pompadour.

  326. Ladies and Gentlemen … it is my honor to present to you ….

    Marsupial Expectations a Quintet

  327. The one with the raging overbite looks like ‘Niles Chezwad, III’.

  330. Clarence, Lawrence , Lenard , Chauncey , Sylvester, Lenard and Lawrence are twins

  332. Obviously the girl one needs to be called Astrid Wordsworth Zickafoose (Her parents wanted a boy, hence the middle name.)

  338. Jordan, Jonathan, Donny, Danny, and Joey. Joey can be a girl if you want–that name is AMBIGUOUS. Actually, so is Jordan. Your choice.
    (Also, everything ALWAYS goes back to boy bands. Singing groups. Dancing/singing groups. Whatever.)

  340. I am sort of fond of Jeanette and the Sounds of Harmony with guest conductor Stuart von Wackerberg

  341. Ulcers McCool, one of the mice should be named Ulcers McCool. It’s the coolest name ever. Just throwing it out there.

  343. Obviously, Basil. As in Rathbone. Not the herb. That would just be silly.

  346. I’d be honored if the “girl” mouse (the one designated for the evening gown) was named Hildegarde. 🙂

  349. How about Sabrina von Maus? The one on the right looks like a Sabrina von Maus.

  351. Since they are British…Piers, Rhys, Rex, Rupert, and the cross-dressing (transgendered? Is this an official conversion?) one, Alfie.

  360. I’m pretty sure that conductor’s name is Sir Mouskie Von Fluffin….the Third.

  365. I think the composer looks like Sir Tailwick to me! Or perhaps “Chappie” and they call him “Ol’ Chap” oo that’s a good nicname!

  366. I think the conductor should be called Leopold. Even if you decide the conductor is female.

    ESPECIALLY if you decide the conductor is female.

  367. Modest Mice? Nah, they need to be more hipster for that name. Um…I can’t come up with anything else that isn’t too ‘cheesy’. See what I did there?

  368. Well, it is the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, so I vote: John Wesley Woodard, Percy Cornelius Taylor, Theodore Bradley, John Clarke, etc. the band playing as the Titanic sank. These mice are obviously playing as the mouse Titanic sank!

  369. Winton Mousellis would be nice for the trumpet player. But I’m also rather found of Alphonse Nikolai Patchinko.

  371. I can’t read through all 355 comments right now, so this may have already been suggested:

    But, obviously, the one with the baton is MICEstro. Obviously.

  373. I went to a restaurant recently that had a cut of steak that was $130. Your mice are a near perfect equivalent to a nice steak dinner in Bellevue, WA.

  376. You should name them after the most fantastic & awful Disney Channel band of all time……. The Party. (Albert, DeeDee, Chase, Tiffani & Damon). Look up a video, they are fab.

  378. The entire orchestra is obviously called: The Aristocrats!

    Not to be confused with the Aristocats. Because that would add a totally unneccesary level of tension to their performance.

    Can’t wait for the book! Cheers!

  379. I’ve always thought Leonard would be a great name for a mouse. Victor reminds me so much of my husband… the poor guys!

  380. Jebediah Shabumpkin and the Hobbledehoys. And well done on all the great book reviews!

  381. Alistair
    It’s sophisticated, and then I’d totally hear him talking in Steve Valentine’s voice whenever I see the pic…which would be awesome!

  382. I shall call him George and I shall love him and squeeze him and take care of him forever…. I think the conductor should be called George 🙂

  383. The mousekateers, the slutty years
    Christina, Justin, brittney! Ryan gosling ( because you always have to say his full name) and Annette just to give a kudos to the original

    Jww

  384. This is obviously the mouse orchestra that were playing the night the Titanic went down. The reason they’re for sale at such a low-low price is due to the hundred year anniversary. Their tiny hearts? They WILL GO ON. As will the music. Rock it out, tiny drowned mice. You kept the music playing to keep the tiny mice families calm that cold night after the humans screwed it up for you. We salute you.

  385. I don’t know what their names are but I am SURE they are playing “Fur Elise.”

  386. One time i had those shoes with the fake water and plastic fish in them, and one time i was wearing them when i was really drunk. anyway, i named all the fishies and now i can’t remember what i named them all, but one was definitely ‘Candy’ and one was ‘Cookie’. I don’t think these are good names for these fancy mice, i just thought it was a tangentially related story (in that we are naming animals that are not actually alive; although the fish in my shoes never were alive, but a lot of people asked if they were. i don’t know how that would have worked…) that would be amusing.
    Anyway! you should name the one that you give a dress Annabelle Pamela Elliot the Third (points if you identify my three favorite shows those names are from! i don’t know what the points will be for, but you will have them anyway). there aren’t nearly enough female names with numbers after them.

  388. Lady Arianna Jarlsberg, Sir Cam M. Bert, Count Guido di Marscapone, Marquis du Roquefort, and Bill Cheddar (Jack Monteray was just too obvious) beacuse, clearly, they are aristocracy….

  389. Oh, you could name them after The Young One’s since they were purchased in pounds! Mike, Vyv, Neil and Rick. Although that may not be fancy enough.

    Good Brit names: Alfred, Baldric, Dabney and Dicky. Oh wait! Sausage names!

    Dicky, Johnson, Mr. Richard and Rod.

  390. Victor may also wish to point out that 150 lbs of pennies is worth about $272.73 – not including the cost of the wheelbarrow.

  393. Panache Mouse (cause he has some serious flair and flamboyance— just look at the way he raises that stick. Yep, he’s a badass) and the Fancy Schmancy White Mice Symphony.

  396. The girl should be Petunia Googleheimer. This was my dad’s nickname for me as a child, which sounds incredibly creative, until I realized it was also my baby sister’s nickname too! Anyway, I always thought it was a cool name, and I would be honored if you chose it!

  397. I kinda like the idea of putting them all in dresses. The three instruments I can see and the conductor are all generally associated with men, so I’m all for throwing gender stereotypes out the window. 🙂 (Although, I just looked again and saw the bow ties, which makes it more understandable that they’re all guys.)

    I guess it really depends on what kind of ensemble you want them to be. It’s a strange conglomeration of instruments. Sax, French Horn, Trombone, and one other that’s hard to see. You don’t generally see a group of just those. I would think to see a piano or a percussionist of some sort, maybe some sort of string player.

    So, given its unorthodox nature, I would go with experimental-20th-century-musician-type names, like Gustav (Mahler), (Charles) Ives, Philip (Glass), and maybe Maurice (Ravel) or Arnold (Schoenberg). For the lady, I’d go with something classy, like Angela, or Alexandra, or Elizabeth (two of those are name of women I’ve known that play FH, the other is just a name I like).

    I realize that the seriousness with which I considered all of this makes me a pretty hardcore music nerd, but given that we’re discussing names for a small taxidermied rodent orchestra, I imagine I’ll fit right in. 🙂

  399. It’s too bad there’s not a violinist in the bunch or he could be Itzhak Squirrelman.

  400. Forgive me if it’s already been said, but clearly “Winston Mousalis” is a must!

  403. My eight month old daughter seems to think Vivalcheese would make a hilarious name.

  404. One of them should definitely be named Gilgamesh. They need epic names. And Beatrix for one of the girls (there really needs to be more than one girl for it not to be a sausage party).

  405. The Mousicians

    Victor is totally being a buzz kill! Doesn’t he understand that the allure of classical rodent taxidermy is so profound in your life that if you didn’t indulge you wouldn’t be the amazing person you are, AND that he loves!

  406. Rory Rodentia and The Squeaky Wheel — Rory is obviously the conductor and the group goes by the name, The Squeaky Wheel.

  411. The girl is Seraphina.

    Obvi.

    I cannot wait for next week!! Congrats, Jenny!