Good Luck Satan

Yesterday I went to a thrift store and I saw an old hand-embroidered tablecloth and I thought, Does that say “GOOD LUCK SATAN”?

good luck satanThen I looked closer and realized that no…no it doesn’t say that.

good luck on saturn

It actually says “GOOD LUCK ON SATURN”.  Which makes…slightly more sense?

Then I unfolded it and realized it says: “GOOD LUCK on SATURDAY”.  Which is honestly sort of a let-down after all of that.  Personally I preferred “GOOD LUCK on SATURN” because the embroidered cat looks all kinds of pissed off, like she’d stab you if she got a chance, but she’d settle for just shipping you off to Saturn.  And she made you a hot, poisoned pie to keep you warm because Saturn is all icy and cold.

So I’ve made some changes:

goodluckonsaturnPS. I made you a pillow.  It’s just like the ones your grandma made, but with more stabbing:




129 thoughts on “Good Luck Satan

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I think any of those alternatives are fantastic. Does anyone cross-stitch anymore? I have an embroidered anatomical heart made by one of my favorite bloggers, and I’d like more old-new stuff like that.

    (Hailey and I cross-stitch sometimes but it’s hard to find good patterns. ~ Jenny)

  2. I have heard from reliable sources (mainly Republicans, who know such things) that Saturdays on Saturn are definitely Hell. So Satan would surely be there.

  3. I’m still pondering how a murderous cat, wielding a knife, and serving up pie has anything to do with Good Luck on Saturday. Both your other choices make way more sense with that visual.

  4. Things like this are why I kind of want an embroidery machine and also why I should not be allowed to have one under any circumstances.

  5. I have no doubt that the cozy warmth shared by your enchanting pillow will help keep all evil intentions at bay. Good luck Satan, indeed.

  6. In the early part of their marriage my Mom taught my Dad how to embroider. I think because they didn’t have a lot of money and needed something to do. Dad of course was proud of the end table cloths he did BUT told us to NEVER TELL anyone that he embroidered…also he cleaned house and cooked and we were told NEVER TELL anyone he did that either. He was worried about his machoism to the outside world…he felt other men would think him a sissy. He wanted to be viewed as a HE-MAN.

  7. I love that you are my kind of fucked up.
    I’m thinking of embroidering “nighty night muthafucka” on my pillowcases.

  8. For the best embroidery patterns, yes even steam punk, is Urban Threads Embroidery, I have a machine and love, love this site. They offer hand and machine patterns.

  9. Hard to find good patterns? Oh, honey. Hie thyself to or check out!

    (Love. ~ Jenny)

  10. I miss the good old days when people communicated well-wishing via eccentric cross-stitch instead of textspeak.

    “GL w/ your interview today!”
    “Yeah, whatever, put it in sewing or it doesn’t count.”

  11. I’ve been wanting to take up cross-stitch. I did it when I was younger and found it very relaxing. Now that I’m older and butt-loads more perverted, I think it would be so much more satisfying.

  12. My brother’s girlfriend made me the greatest cross stitch ever: “I’m not going to jail for you or anybody”
    It’s hanging by my front door in a place of honor!

  13. I think an angry cat wielding a knife and muttering (I imagine her muttering), “Good Luck on Saturday” is nice and creepy already.

  14. Also I’m getting a strong Mrs. Lovett vibe from this piece. I suggest losing the “luck” and the “Satan/Saturn/Saturday” in favor of “God, That’s Good!”

  15. What I REALLY want to know is the ORIGINAL intention of the tablecloth! Why a cat? Why the pie? Why such a sharp and pointy knife? Are there blackbirds in there that are still alive?? Someone took the time to design this…can’t believe it was a popular pattern, right…so WTF?

  16. I know there are companies that make snarky embroidery patterns. I find most of the cool cross stitch stuff on Pinterest.

  17. I wish I wasn’t so broke right now, because I really need that pillow.

  18. I was recently asked by an Anglican priest-in-training if I could make him some throw-pillows with similar sentiments, and messed-up biblical quotes. I’m on it. The first one is something about having a disease in your loins.

  19. Back and forth with my girlfriend:
    Me: “Good luck on Saturn.” That’s going to be my new insult.
    Her: hehehe love it…are you going to use saturn or satan?
    Me: Saturn… it’s more evil than Satan. Satan makes you sound all melodramatic. Saturn makes you sound like you mean it

  20. Since the devil epitomizes evilness and negativity, shouldn’t it say, “Wishing you bad luck!” He would hang this crosstich proudly in his breakfast nook.

  21. powerpixeldesign on Etsy. THAT is where you find awesome patterns for cross stitch–Dr. Who, superheros, Star Trek, Harry Potter…. (no connection to shop besides satisfied customer)

  22. For anyone here who enjoys cross-stitching or would like to start… ahem if I may shamelessly promote my new Etsy shop of cross-stitch patterns?

    I only have three so far but they’re pretty sweet and one has a penguin (it’s not stabby, unfortunately – I might have to incorporate that into future animal designs). Also I’m planning to stick some Hitchhiker’s Guide- themed stuff up there for the 35th anniversary this weekend 🙂

    I feel really obnoxious right now; carry on :/ Also the shop Nikita linked is one of my favorites!

  23. murder pie kitty needs to be embroidered with beyonce:
    “knock knock, motherfucker.”
    “bitch, i will totally stab you and then eat this pie RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!”

  24. Seriously, count me in the group that wants to know what the hell is happening Saturday, and why is the cat so pissed off about it? Ah well, in the end, saturn is better than Uranus. <—–See what I did there?

  25. Seanan Mcguire wrote an urban fantasy book, Chimes at Midnight, in which the major plot point involved an evil pie. And she made it work. I don’t know how you top that.

  26. There are LOTS of geeky/awesome/profane cross stitch patterns on Etsy. I have a lovely sampler that I made that says, “Bless this Wretched Hive of Scum and Viliany.”

  27. Hello. I am writing an academic paper to present at the HERA conference in April. I am writing how bloggers and YouTubers who publish books are bridging the gap between the Internet by creating an interactive audience between follower and book. I have most of my research done, but if it is at all possible I would like to use ask you a few questions regarding your book, such as how many languages it has been translated into. Thank you for your time.

  28. I still cross stitch but I never made anything as awesome as a knife-wielding cat. also in my head these sound sarcastic, like “Yeah, GOOD LUCK on Saturday because that chick is way out of your league and will probably cut the date short” or “HAHAHA GOOD LUCK on Thursday in that meeting with your boss[wherein you’ll prolly get fired]” or “Oh right, GOOD LUCK on Monday because Monday.”

  29. I feel like this was probably done in like a day by some housewife way back when which says a lot about changing work ethic. When I used to embroider it’d take me a month to do one letter.

  30. I embroidered a Catalonian saying onto canvas for a friend of mine. The saying is, “Eat Well, Shit Strong, and Never Fear Death”.

    I shit you not. It was so much fun to embroider.

  31. I embroidered a Catalonian saying on to a canvas as a gift for a friend of mine. The saying is “Eat Well, Shit Strong, and Never Fear Death”. I shit you not. Now that was fun to embroider with little flowers and such around the words.

  32. The three little kittens, they lost their mittens,
    And they began to cry,
    “Oh, mother dear, we sadly fear,
    That we have lost our mittens.”
    “What! Lost your mittens, you naughty kittens!
    Good luck on Saturn.”
    “Meow, meow, meow!”
    “Good luck on Saturn.”

  33. You are slipping on your Laura Ingalls Wilder studies. That cat is following Ma’s work schedule from Little House in the Big Woods — Wash on Monday, iron on Tuesday, mend on Wednesday, churn on Thursday, clean on Friday, bake on Saturday, rest on Sunday.

    If I had to do all that (i) I’d be pretty stabby too (but I bet Ma Ingalls never was), and (ii) I’d need more than one day a week to rest.

  34. Embroidery and cross-stitch are definitely still a thing. Actually making a very geeky comeback. If you look on etsy you can find tons of great patterns. Some very traditional but tons of video game and Dr. Who type ones too. There is also a pretty active cross-stitch subreddit that helps people find or create custom patterns as well as just show off what you are working on. I’m sure they could turn any of your twisted ideas/images into a pattern for you.

  35. Perhaps it’s a forbidden fruit pie and the saying is wishing Satan good luck with that whole knowing the difference between good and evil thing…

  36. Makes Sense. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. And psycho kitties are from Saturn.

  37. KRandall – Wash on Monday, iron on Tuesday…. Bake on Saturday…. It’s an old saying they used to use assigning a chore for every day of the week. Obviously, modern version now includes sharp knives and stabby Tabbies… lol.

  38. When did Pinterest become the best search engine out there? I can’t find shit on Google anymore. I haven’t used their patterns, I haven’t cross stitched since elementary school actually, but for these I would give it another whirl. I’m torn between Dr. Who, Harry Potter and the cute, but murderous quotations.

  39. I cross stitch all the time. I’ve been doing mostly Art of Disney kits, ’cause I’m a Disney nerd, but when I need a break I get a pattern from The Frosted Pumpkin Stitchery or Subversive Cross Stitch. I’m doing the Pumpkins 2015 sampler and did last years as well.

  40. Is your “pillow” made of a whoopee cushion? Awesome! Except it would be really hard to cross stictch a whoopee cushion, but you could totaly use iron-on fabric…I’m all about solutions.

  41. I see you mentioned you and Hailey cross-stitch sometimes but have trouble finding good patterns. Solution: make your own. I used graph paper and made Batman (on a grey sweatshirt) and Robin (on a red polo shirt) logos for my son back in the day. You two could create all sorts of awesome patterns, I’m sure!

  42. Maybe she ran out of thread before she got to finish “Saturnalia.” It’s a Roman revival thing. 😉

  43. I’m guessing this is not one you’ll be donating for the church auction:). Or you could, just to send us a shot of the looks on faces . . .

  44. To the person wondering about the original meaning…Housewives used to have certain days for certain chores. Like Monday is for Laundry, Thursday is for grocery shopping, Saturday is for baking and stabbing people (which is sort of an obvious conclusion to your week if you have to follow directions from your tea towels).

    Also, Steotch has awesome patterns too if you’re looking.

  45. Great, I laughed so loud my husband came to see what I was laughing at and now he is going to start embroidering. Well at least he will have a new hobby. Good luck Satan pillows for everyone!

  46. Well, Saturday IS Pi day. For all you nerdy geeky folks out there. I’ll bring the knife.

  47. could already be in other comments, but check out Love it.

  48. Jenny, check out and Mirabilia for cross patterns. I am addicted to HAED patterns. The site has over 10,000 designs and they are all based on beautiful artwork. Check out the Spangler designs, which feature baby dragons, for Hailey. I’m currently working on the Lord of the Rings map. They have Gandalf and also Aragorn as “The Ranger.” They have beautiful charts of fairies, butterflies, women, children…basically anything you could want. There’s one of Danerys from Game of Thrones and Tyrion and they just added one of Elsa. You will probably like Jaqueline Becket-Grffith. She does large eyed children – Alice in Wonderland, etc. Mirabilia’s designs are gorgeous women. Nora Corbett does gorgeous mermaids.

  49. I don’t know how, but you’ve pretty much summed up my general mood in pillow form. When the cashier at the grocery store asks how I’m doing, I’m just going to smile and hand her this pillow.

  50. I prefer “Good Luck Satan” to “Good Luck on Saturn”, although I wouldn’t turn either one down if someone gave me embroidered pillows! The cat looks seriously pissed, which pleases me for some reason.

  51. Oh lord, my mom made dish towels in this pattern back in the day. Didn’t remember ours looking so stabby though. Another childhood memory ruined. 😉

  52. This just reminds me of how sappy I am. Someone worked hard on a special, personal gift for someone they cared about, and that thoughtful gift ends up in a thrift store…tossed away. It makes me sad.

  53. How do we know it’s a cat? I know it has a tail and whiskers, but no other identifying features… Just sayin’

  54. I thought the cat was on a sugar fast, and thought Satan was in the pie, trying to get them to eat sugar. In which case I totally agree with the cats angry look and knife. Good luck indeed, Satan! You are no match for this disciplined cat.

  55. Thanks for the idea. Had a great time this morning searching Dr. Who cross stitch. Hope you can find some that suit both you and your daughter.

  56. Just this morning I heard on the radio that one of Saturn’s moons, Enceladus, is believed to have a warm liquid ocean. I bet that cat is going fishing.

    Trust me. A kitty wielding a knife is much less disturbing than stargazer pie.

  57. The above t-shirt is awesome, dlabovitz!!! Where can I get one?

    I do still do hand stitching and cross stitch though I have a machine that would gladly do all of that if I gave it the chance. I prefer more edgy cross stitch, like the one I’m making for my niece that has a sweet country frame cross stitched in with a “Shut the Fuck Up!” in the middle. So homey . . .

  58. My great-grandma had a whole set of these, every day of the week! I think my aunt has them now, but one is missing. It would be crazy if it’s the Saturday that is missing and you found it.

  59. Seems like a lot of work to wish someone well for Saturday. Now if they had embroidered it like your redo then they would have saved a lot of time. Excellent.

  60. @Lea, I wish I knew where to get the t-shirt. A friend who doesn’t own the shirt nevertheless posted the picture on FB, with a link to Imgur. Imgur, in turn, has lots of funny comments, but unfortunately, no source for the shirt. It’s like the universe is saying, “you can look, but you can’t touch”, which, come to think of it, is probably good advice for lots of things in life… If you track it down, let me know!

  61. This is the stuff of a good thriller. A cat-wielding knife in an apron (a disguise? did the cat do away with Ma?) a pie with the name TED baked on top, and something afoot on Saturday.

  62. I just found a new project. Thanks Amanda Germain, #56. I nominate you to the office of encouragement in the church of Bloggessenianism. I used to cross stitch, too, but stopped because of the largely boring projects in craft stores. Thanks to all for your suggestions for cool designs.
    Unrelated, but spent my morning coffee laughing over Grownup Wednesday Addams.

  63. Maybe Satan is going to the casino. Maybe no one’s ever said “Good luck!” to Satan before and that’s why he’s such an asshole. Maybe we need a Be Good to Satan Day once a year to get him to cut his shit out. I don’t know. I’m just a guy with an opinion and an Internet connection. But nothing else has worked thus far. And if my plan fails, we can just send in Hell Kitty there.

  64. I keep going back to this post and it gets funnier the more I look at it. Maybe it’s just TGIF? I love the Pigeon Cross-stitch in comments a lot too.

  65. Good luck Satan!!! Awesome. It makes WAY more sense than “Good luck on Saturday” I mean, really, how many times do you get to use that tablecloth? you put it out on Friday night? And who needs the luck on Saturday? And do they need the luck EVERY Saturday? You wouldn’t USE the tablecloth on Saturday because then it would just say “good luck today”. So many questions, none of it makes sense. Good luck Satan it is! 🙂

  66. OMG! I have the same embroidery, but on dish towels. One for each day of the week. I’m so going to turn the Saturday one into a Satan one, though….see if anyone notices…

  67. May I just be the English teacher for one second and beg you to put in a comma between Good luck and Satan? As in: Good luck, Satan.
    Otherwise, it’s perfect.
    I’m going back to retirement now.

  68. Totally cracking up. Do they even allow knives on Saturn? Or does Satan need a knife? Inquiring minds need to know!

  69. I found the companion” good luck on Monday” “good luck on Tuesday”, “Good luck on Wednesday” and “good luck on Friday” in a drawer in my kitchen. I am wondering how they became separated from Satan and Thursday. I am also a bit creeped out that I had these evil dish towels lurking in my home and didn’t ever notice. I can’t figure out how to add a picture or I would send it to you.

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