I got out of bed at 2am to pee but it was cold so I hurried back, but when I jumped back into bed the blanket got caught on something when I tried to yank it up toward me and so I ended up accidentally punching myself right in the face. And I just sat there, stunned for a minute, and thenContinue reading “Just…no.”

Good Luck Satan

Yesterday I went to a thrift store and I saw an old hand-embroidered tablecloth and I thought, Does that say “GOOD LUCK SATAN”? Then I looked closer and realized that no…no it doesn’t say that. It actually says “GOOD LUCK ON SATURN”.  Which makes…slightly more sense? Then I unfolded it and realized it says: “GOODContinue reading “Good Luck Satan”

EVERY day is Cat Day

Apparently National Cat Day was October 29th and I missed it, so I guess that explains why Ferris Mewler threw up in my shoe.  In my defense, it was just World Cat Day in August.  Why do cats need so many days?  No clue.  But to make up for whatever I did to offend the cats I’mContinue reading “EVERY day is Cat Day”

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