It’s like a lemonade stand, but not at all.

My 10-year-old daughter got a “fashion sketchbook” last Christmas and she uses it to draw obscure t-shirt designs and astronaut suits and clothes for cats.  She showed me one design that seemed particularly confusing.

She’d started with the phrase “I PUNCH LIKE A GIRL” because she thought it was empowering (plus also anyone questioning her would get punched) so the t-shirt was both a girl-power mantra and also a legal disclaimer, but she’d messed up the “G” because “cursive is hard” and it looked like a “B” so she decided to just change it to “I PUNCH LIKE A BEAR”.

Which is awesome.  For girls and guys.  So she designed the shirt (with a little help from me) and is now selling it in my shop because that’s what kids do today instead of lemonade stands.  I assume.

punch like a bear

 

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And now, the weekly wrap-up…

SID3

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Jennifer Ammoscato, author of the novel Dear Internet: It’s Me, Avery. When newspaper reporter Avery Fowler discovers her husband is having an affair, the online help site HowTo.com is naturally where she turns to navigate this challenging stage of her life. Its live chat option gives her a virtual life coach (Clementine, a snippy, British chippy) for the low, low price of $14.95 a month. A perfect book for anyone who’s been screwed over. Or had a bad hair day. Or tried haemorrhoid cream under their eyes to hide the bags because they read online it might help. You can check it out here.

68 thoughts on “It’s like a lemonade stand, but not at all.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. excellent shirt! especially on a bear punching the Trump, with something pokey.
    and btw, congratulations to you for you. i am getting ready to teach a NAMI Family to Family class, and rereading all my books like “An Unquiet Mind”, “The Center Cannot Hold”, and “Let’s Pretend this Never Happened”, “Hyperbole and a Half”, etc so i can sound credible when i recommend them. lots of other books, but it never fails to amaze me how strong people can be when I read these, how much hope they can give, the little ways families can support rather than tear down when they have knowledge.
    i need to go hug my ill family member, very lightly.

  2. Goddamn, the Sphero BB8 toy is amazing. Now my 7yo and I BOTH want one.
    Also amazing, but in a completely different way, is Hipster Barbie. Is it weird for a middle-aged Mom to feel a little bit in love with a plastic doll? She is so freaking pretty and does such interesting things. Jenny– thank you for introducing such awesomeness into my world.

  3. Huh. I do punch like a bear. Claws out, motherfuckers!

    I’m 99.999999% sure we will all pretty much love your book so hard you may actually faint. Or go into a coma… Yeah, don’t do the fainting or the coma-ing. Try basking in the adoration. Don’t worry, I’m sure a few people will give you a good cursing out because they wet themselves laughing and/or nosed their cheeseburger.

  4. I am still hounding my husband to make me that “knock,knock motherfuckinger” which is actually supposed to be motherfucker, but that kind of goes well with your post. He keeps saying shit like, “I have real work” and “do you want to eat” but I think he just doesn’t get it.

  5. Hailey for President! Hailey would so bury Trump. But then, so would Dorothy Barker.
    Two copies of Furiously Happy on order. Don’t know who is getting the second one, but I need a spare, just in case.
    When is your third book coming out?

  6. I think I need one of those Probligations notebooks. I have more obligations and so many turn out wrong for me… I love your kid. She has an amazing mind-set.

  7. Incunabulum, Jerry’s “mistake” was trying to run a lemonade stand in THE HAMPTONS. As a resident there, he should have known better. I mean, how DARE someone do that and screw with the “aesthetics” of the neighborhood. LOL

  8. Hailey is obviously a savvy businesswoman. She knows how to transform a mistake into a marketable idea, and also understands the broad and undying appeal of bears. You will be able to retire early, I think.

  9. That’s it. I’m doing my Christmas shopping in your shop this year. That shirt is brilliant.

  10. Kuma the Bear was the best character in the character in the Tekken game franchise because he was a bear who had been taught kung fu because that is what you do when you are a kung fu master with a pet bear.

  11. I’m not related to you or Hailey and I know someone who needs that shirt. So she’ll make some money for that Nightval book from strangers. Also, between this and Mr. Bananaman, there is absolutely no doubt she’s yours. None.

  12. If a bear punched Donald Trump I would elect the bear president.

    Hailey like usual is amazing. Nothing less is expected considering who she came from.

    (can we do a GoFundMe to hire a bear to punch Donald Trump? Please?)

  13. My boss came back from vacation, and came and was like, “Oh, remember that Larson book? Lawson? Do we have her next one?” I said “It’s called Furiously Happy, and we do not. Shall I order it?” and then she said “yes” and then I informed her that the raccoon’s name was Rory. I love working at the library.

  14. That is GENIUS. Who wouldn’t want to punch like a bear? (Unless it’s one of those totally uncool bears, like the Berenstains, with their confusing name that I apparently never knew how to spell correctly.)

  15. Hailey, as always, it total class. The punch like a girl comment is interesting – we recently discussed it in my communications course. This is a (deliberately heartstring tugging but nevertheless interesting) comment on it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJQBjWYDTs And Ronda Rousey, who I imagine rides around on a bear doling out justice and taking names like an awesome mofo, also weighed in https://www.pinterest.com/pin/342414377889513010/ Hailey doesn’t need any of this – she already understands. Punching like a girl is a good thing x

  16. Will she be getting the proceeds from the tshirt sales? I think it would be an awesome if she did!

    (Yep. She’s made enough to preorder the Night Vale book. She’s thrilled. ~ Jenny)

  17. Great job Hailey! And its so cool that you take your daughter’s work seriously too. If I designed a shirt that says “I punch like a Motherfucker”, my Mum will not even move an inch.

  18. So it’s decided. If I was a musician, I’d hire Hailey to design my album cover. The fact that I’m not a musician shouldn’t stop me though, right? (Sometimes I think I impose way too many limitations on myself.)

  19. I love Hailey’s entrepreneurship!

    I punch like a girl, as in, there are two times in my life that I have punched someone in the nose. Once was when the teenager across the cul-de-sac from us (I was in 7th grade and she was a Big Girl) was mouthing off about my dad because he had called the cops on her fast-driving boyfriend.

    The second time was when I was ten and running up and down the sidewalk holding hands with my best friend. Two Big Girls called us “fags.” I had no idea what a fag was, but I could tell by their sneer that it was not a good thing. (This was the 70s. Kids had no idea what a “fag” was back then. Based on my reading a few years later, I discovered it was slang for “cigarette” in England and then I was really confused.)

    In my defense, in both cases, I warned them: “If you don’t stop, I will punch you in the nose.”

    That’s probably not a good idea. If you are going to punch someone, then just do it. Don’t telegraph it. Clearly, I was way too influenced by the School of Let’s Talk It Out instead of the School of Let’s Take Action.

    But I punched them both and they were shocked and they cried. But they stopped what they were doing.

  20. My boxing gym needs to sell this shirt. It would make an unexpected variation from the usual boxing gym shirts (“Boxing gym for real.” “Some people train to look good. We look good while training”)

    Especially if the shirts have Rory on the back of them.

  21. I must say, I’m no prude, but hipster Barbie should really rethink that bathtub photo. What’s next? Topless with beads at Mardi Gras? Sheesh:).

  22. I love this shirt! I’m obsessed with seeing a bear in the wild (but from the comfort and safety of my car.) So far, nada. Maybe this shirt would provoke a bear to come see me.

  23. Oh, oh my god.

    I absolute LOVE socalitybarbie. Where has THIS instagram account been all my instagramming days? Absolutely hilarious.

    Nathan Hale’s Hazardous Tales -> I need to get them all and scare my future kids at bedtime. I’m going so going to be such a TERRIFIC mom.

  24. Jenny! the shirts awesome but I need (my toddler needs it) it in a size 2T. can you make that happen?

  25. Why aren’t these sold in children’s sizes? My kid’s first day back to school shirt could have been “I punch like a bear!” That would have made him cool, right?

  26. I second Christopher Moore “like bear”! You really should read A Dirty Job and his new one Secondhand Souls

  27. This is exactly like every lemonade stand business I ever tried to start up. They always ended up as something else entirely. But in my case they somehow involved wolverines.

  28. On Facebook there was a picture of a taxidermied animal that enclosed a theramin. I was pretty sure someone would find you and sell it to you.

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