bizarre – Page 9 – The Bloggess

UPDATED! An open letter to the King of Germany who might actually only be a Prince. I didn’t really research it. But we’re at war now so you’ll probably hear about it on the news.

Dear Mr. King of Germany: It has been brought to my attention that your daughter is either impersonating me or mocking me in her royal portrait. Exhibit A: I’ve been rockin’ this look for years so I can only assume this is an act of aggression on her part. That’s why this morning I declaredContinue reading “UPDATED! An open letter to the King of Germany who might actually only be a Prince. I didn’t really research it. But we’re at war now so you’ll probably hear about it on the news.”

Also, if you want to make your cell phone charger more noticeable you can put glittery stickers on it or just set fire to it.

You know what would suck? If you taped a brick of cocaine into the inside of the toilet tank in your hotel so that the maids wouldn’t find it but then you forgot it when you checked out and remembered it when you got back home and now you can’t even call and ask themContinue reading “Also, if you want to make your cell phone charger more noticeable you can put glittery stickers on it or just set fire to it.”

Why I shouldn’t be allowed to go to cocktail parties, part 876

My friend, Laura, on convincing me that I had to go on a girl’s weekend with a bunch of strangers even though I’m socially awkward and have an anxiety disorder: “Just chill out and get packed. I mean, honestly, what’s the worst thing that could happen?” Want to see more pictures of strangers at aContinue reading “Why I shouldn’t be allowed to go to cocktail parties, part 876”

Me, Darth Vader’s brother, Guy Kawasaki and the hijacker from The Usual Suspects. Just, you know, hanging out.

In another chapter of I-couldn’t-even-make-this-shit-up, I got asked to speak at the BlogWorld Expo in Vegas in a few weeks. I’ll be doing a keynote with Guy Kawasaki, Chad Vader and Kevin Pollak. That’s weird, right? I probably won’t have to talk since I’m the token unknown chick in the equation but either way itContinue reading “Me, Darth Vader’s brother, Guy Kawasaki and the hijacker from The Usual Suspects. Just, you know, hanging out.”

It’s called a skill because you have to work at it.

Screenshot from an actual ad that a nearby sailing school sent me: “Sailing, like invisibility, is a skill that can last a lifetime”. Baffled. I’m just baffled. PS. I showed this to Victor and he pointed out that they did say that invisibility is a “skill” rather than a natural talent, so technically if IContinue reading “It’s called a skill because you have to work at it.”

Happy Vomit Day, y’all

So you know how Google changes up its logo on holidays and historical anniversaries? Like on Halloween they make it look like a ghoul’s dead hand or on Easter they’ll have a bunny hiding in behind it? That’s adorable. But then I saw today’s logo and it looks exactly like what I threw up this weekend.Continue reading “Happy Vomit Day, y’all”