Actual email I received (which is almost identical to a dozen emails I’ve been sent by other companies this week): Good Afternoon, I wanted to share with you these new video from GM that show why the 2010 Chevy Equinox is one of the most family-friendly and technologically advanced vehicles on the road. Watch asContinue reading “UPDATED: If I get one more press-release about baby wipes I’m going to stab someone in the face”
Category Archives: rants
Dear Dr. Pepper: You’re a damn liar.
I just went to the store to get Diet Dr Pepper and I ended up standing there for like 10 minutes just staring at this because…um…what? I even asked a clerk and he was all “Yeah, we didn’t understand that either. We decided to put it on it’s own rack so people can make thatContinue reading “Dear Dr. Pepper: You’re a damn liar.”
Let’s vow to never have 2009 again.
Tonight I’m sitting here at home reflecting on the success of my last year’s New Year’s Resolution, which was to never, ever come up with New Year’s Resolutions again. It worked out well, if by “worked out well” you mean “failed to accomplish anything of value at all”. Which I do. So, yay me. ThisContinue reading “Let’s vow to never have 2009 again.”
If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.
me: I’m dying. Victor: You’re not dying. You have a cold. me: I have hemorrhagic fever. Victor: Did you just make that up? me: No, I’m deadly serious. First of all, I have a fever, and last night I had a nosebleed, and now my teeth are bleeding. Victor: I’m pretty sure teeth can’t bleed.Continue reading “If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.”
Baby, don’t go back.
You know that guy who sings the “Baby Come Back” song? She should totally not come back. Because first the guy is all “Any kind of fool could see I was wrong” but then right after that he’s all “You can blame it all on me” like he’s being so fucking noble for letting herContinue reading “Baby, don’t go back.”
It’s like losing James Garfield all over again. For the second time. Although technically I wasn’t alive when the world lost the first James Garfield so I don’t really know what that was like but I doubt it was as tragic as this.
So today we went to an estate sale and the person who’d owned the house had died and was awesome/completely insane. Usually when Victor and I go to estate sales Victor looks for treasures and I rifle through all the dead person’s books to see if they were the kind of person I’d hang outContinue reading “It’s like losing James Garfield all over again. For the second time. Although technically I wasn’t alive when the world lost the first James Garfield so I don’t really know what that was like but I doubt it was as tragic as this.”
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