rants – Page 7 – The Bloggess

Snow cone machines are the new trampolines.

Phone conversation with my husband while he was out of town: Victor: Hello? Me: The snow cone machine is broken. Victor: How the hell did you break the snow cone machine? I just left this morning. Me: I didn’t break it. It just stopped working. I’m getting on twitter and calling for a boycott onContinue reading “Snow cone machines are the new trampolines.”

Part 1: WHAT THE FUCK, WILLIAM SHATNER?!

So recently I tweeted that I needed William Shatner to come to my house in order to save my marriage. I wasn’t very detailed on the whole thing because honestly these are the kind of personal marital matters that you don’t air on twitter. Then someone pointed out that William Shatner is actually on twitterContinue reading “Part 1: WHAT THE FUCK, WILLIAM SHATNER?!”

UPDATED: I’m running out of grocery stores I’m allowed to go back to

So yesterday at the grocery store the cashier asked if we wanted to try some 99 cent deodorant which seemed less helpful and more of a subtle insult but then I saw she had a big box of it beside the register and Victor’s all “No thank you” but I couldn’t even speak because theContinue reading “UPDATED: I’m running out of grocery stores I’m allowed to go back to”

If someone sent you this post it’s probably because you really fucked up or they love you and want to change you. Either way, you should probably thank them.

So today Victor and I had this big fight and it was pretty much like every fight we ever have in that it starts off with a misunderstanding about sharks and ends with Victor being a complete dick and I’m always like “JUST FUCKING FIX THIS” and he’s all “No one understands your rules” andContinue reading “If someone sent you this post it’s probably because you really fucked up or they love you and want to change you. Either way, you should probably thank them.”

If I see Steve Jobs I am going to bite him in the face

So I kept telling Victor I wanted a mac because all the cool people have one and he’s all “You HATE change. Stick with your PC that I built out of Pterodactyls because that’s how long ago it was. PC’s are awesome if you are a Republican.” But then my friend Laura was all “BasicallyContinue reading “If I see Steve Jobs I am going to bite him in the face”

25 things about twitter that are pissing me off

People who are making me mad: 1. People who have their twitter account marked private because they don’t want people to read it. YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET. Also, what you’re drinking at Starbucks is not national security. It makes me want to create a page for my cat and make it private because it’sContinue reading “25 things about twitter that are pissing me off”