rants – Page 5 – The Bloggess

UPDATED: You brought this on yourself, Morgan Freeman

Dear Morgan Freeman: What. the. fuck? I’ve been rocking the cat-on-the-head look since January and then “suddenly” you show up on the scene with a cat on your head and expect me to believe it’s just a coincidence? No, Morgan Freeman. No one is falling for this. Stop with all the lies. This is exactlyContinue reading “UPDATED: You brought this on yourself, Morgan Freeman”

Also, I invented gravity.

People that I’m suing this week: 1. My 10-year-old niece, Gabi 2. The creators of “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” 3. Natalie Dee Why? Remember back in January of 2009 when I invented kitten-mittens? Remember? And you said it was awesome? Fuck. Hang on. Here’s a snippet of the post to jog your memory: …I alsoContinue reading “Also, I invented gravity.”

The Shorty Awards respond. Barely.

It’s been a long, strange week. If this is the first time you’re arriving at this site I’d recommend skipping the past few posts as they can be confusing for even the most ardent reader of this blog. But for those of you who have been following the Shorty Award debacle, here’s a short summaryContinue reading “The Shorty Awards respond. Barely.”

UPDATED: Every vote counts. Unless it’s in the Shorty Awards. Apparently.

This is a long post so if you have ADD you can skip it and read the post I wrote this morning. Okay, remember a couple of weeks ago when I blogged about how bizarrely awesome it was that I was in second place in the coveted position of “Top Government Twitterer” in the ShortyContinue reading “UPDATED: Every vote counts. Unless it’s in the Shorty Awards. Apparently.”

It’s called “entrapment”, Target.

Remember last week when I innocently took a picture of some confusing Diet Dr Pepper in Target and then days later it created a huge international incident of angry people who don’t understand satire? Me too. So today when I was at Target I looked toward the shelf where the infamous Diet Dr. Pepper hadContinue reading “It’s called “entrapment”, Target.”

An open letter to the people sitting next to me at the movie theater who won’t shut the fuck up

(Disclaimer: There are no real spoilers here because *I’m* not an asshole.) Dear woman sitting next to me while I watched Avatar: What. the fuck. is wrong with you? I can only assume that your husband is both deaf and moronic because I can’t think of any other reason why else you would feel theContinue reading “An open letter to the people sitting next to me at the movie theater who won’t shut the fuck up”