Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Having a cold on your birthday is even worse.

I feel bad for whoever said “Dying is easy.  Comedy is hard” because it was probably the thing he’s most famous for and he said it while he was on his deathbed so he totally never got any play out of it.  Unless whoever said it was someone already famous like Winston Churchill or something.Continue reading “Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Having a cold on your birthday is even worse.”

It’s like we’re living on the Oregon Trail except none of us has dysentery yet

Yesterday Hailey’s preschool called to tell me that she had a rash on her stomach and back so I picked her up and I figured it was probably just a reaction from new detergent but I thought I’d run her by the Readi-Clinic just in case because it was on the way home and alsoContinue reading “It’s like we’re living on the Oregon Trail except none of us has dysentery yet”

Or maybe you just shouldn’t do whatever the bathroom wall tells you to do.

So I was in the bathroom at Taco Cabana and someone had written “LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WAS YOUR LAST” on the wall of the stall which is really horrible advice because if it was really my last day on earth I’d spend that day calling all the people who have wronged me to tell them they’re assholes.   But then you’d wake up theContinue reading “Or maybe you just shouldn’t do whatever the bathroom wall tells you to do.”

Wolverines are the new sasquatch

Me and my friend Kregg discussing how shitty rheumatoid arthritis is: Kregg:  So you still hurt?  Can’t they just do like a total joint replacement? Me:  Exactly!  Like on Wolverine where they replace all my bones with edamame. Kregg:  Uh…adamantium. Me:  What did I say? Kregg: Edamame. Me: Oh that wouldn’t work.  My entire skeletal system replaced withContinue reading “Wolverines are the new sasquatch”

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