sickness – Page 2 – The Bloggess

Are there sweeter words?

“It’s not cancer.” That’s what my doctor just called to tell me. It’s such a simple sentence, but I’m hard-pressed to think of one that’s nicer to hear. “We just invented egg rolls that make your hair thicker” is close, but not by much. I was a puddle of relief for about 10 minutes untilContinue reading “Are there sweeter words?”

This isn’t necessarily a real post

Yesterday I went to the doctor to check on the ovary that tried to kill me because it’s still being an asshole. I asked the doctor (who was very sweet and quite awesome) if she thought it was cancer, and she smiled and calmly reassured me that “it’s not necessarily cancer.” Which seemed very comforting until I wasContinue reading “This isn’t necessarily a real post”

People in the country need xanax too.

Okay, so first of all my kidney infection was doing much better until last night when I seriously considered removing my left kidney myself because it hurt so much but it’s behind me and I’m not that flexible so then I thought about calling a hooker because you always hear those stories about people goingContinue reading “People in the country need xanax too.”

And now I’ll never sleep again

Last night I couldn’t sleep so I got up and posted this on twitter: I was prepared for the amount of people who said that it was just me. I was not prepared for all the people whose night-time phobias put mine to shame. A small taste: Conclusion: You guys are totally weird. And IContinue reading “And now I’ll never sleep again”

Let’s vow to never have 2009 again.

Tonight I’m sitting here at home reflecting on the success of my last year’s New Year’s Resolution, which was to never, ever come up with New Year’s Resolutions again. It worked out well, if by “worked out well” you mean “failed to accomplish anything of value at all”. Which I do. So, yay me. ThisContinue reading “Let’s vow to never have 2009 again.”

If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.

me: I’m dying. Victor: You’re not dying. You have a cold. me: I have hemorrhagic fever. Victor: Did you just make that up? me: No, I’m deadly serious. First of all, I have a fever, and last night I had a nosebleed, and now my teeth are bleeding. Victor: I’m pretty sure teeth can’t bleed.Continue reading “If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.”