People keep asking me what my New Year’s resolutions are and I tell them that I don’t have any and then they get all pissy because they assume that I think I don’t need to change but it’s really just that I’m too bored with myself to invest any more time thinking about me, andContinue reading “UPDATED: My new year’s resolution is to get you to stop asking me about my new year’s resolutions.”
Category Archives: Sometimes I get Top Gun and real life confused in my head
Because some things are worth more than a box of cereal
Hi. I’m about to overstep my boundaries. You might want to back away slowly because I don’t usually do this and I might get blood on you. Okay, I’m pissed. Legitimately, ridiculously, slightly irrationally pissed. A few minutes ago I got a pitch from a company who wanted me to write a review for theirContinue reading “Because some things are worth more than a box of cereal”
For sale: Kristoffer Kristofferson. (The other one.)
I’m packing up to move but I really don’t want to move everything, so I’ve decided to sell some stuff on ebay since that worked out so well last time. Except that ebay has a tendency to delete all of my auctions almost as soon as I post them so I’m also going to postContinue reading “For sale: Kristoffer Kristofferson. (The other one.)”
I have a weird sort of life
I just got an email inviting me to the inauguration of the Mayor of Malibu, who also happens to be Clint Eastwood’s stunt man and body double. You remember him. I met him that time I landed on that aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific ocean and accused everyone of being cylons andContinue reading “I have a weird sort of life”
What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails
A series of inappropriate emails I sent to my mother which she has not responded to at all. (This is all totally true, by the way. That’s what makes it so very awful. FYI: Lisa is my sister. Gabi is my niece. My mother is a saint.) To: Mom Sent: 2:02pm Weird. I can’t evenContinue reading “What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails”
UPDATED! An open letter to the King of Germany who might actually only be a Prince. I didn’t really research it. But we’re at war now so you’ll probably hear about it on the news.
Dear Mr. King of Germany: It has been brought to my attention that your daughter is either impersonating me or mocking me in her royal portrait. Exhibit A: I’ve been rockin’ this look for years so I can only assume this is an act of aggression on her part. That’s why this morning I declaredContinue reading “UPDATED! An open letter to the King of Germany who might actually only be a Prince. I didn’t really research it. But we’re at war now so you’ll probably hear about it on the news.”
MY BOOKS:
Support indie bookstores:
Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.
Archives
MY INSTAGRAM
Hunter S Thomcat uses his bulk to try to steal the food. Ferris Mewler tunnels under the other cats to steal the food. Rolly steals the whole plate. This is how they always eat.
We’re in the middle of a terrible storm and Dorothy Barker started shaking like mad since the power keeps going off and on so I put this thunder shirt on her and I can’t tell if she’s smiling or panicked. Or both.
So yesterday ppl posted about #mentalhealthawareness day but I didn’t bc I was a little depressed (ah, irony) but today I feel better so I was going to post something but then Rolly was like, “ME TOO” so I turned it to video until she literally reached out and turned the video off and this is a reminder that cats are assholes but they are also the best antidepressants. (Aside from cymbalta, obvs.).
Have you joined the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club yet? If so, this lovely book, Sistersong by @silvanhistorian, will soon be flying to your homes!
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
