UPDATED: My new year’s resolution is to get you to stop asking me about my new year’s resolutions.

People keep asking me what my New Year’s resolutions are and I tell them that I don’t have any and then they get all pissy because they assume that I think I don’t need to change but it’s really just that I’m too bored with myself to invest any more time thinking about me, andContinue reading “UPDATED: My new year’s resolution is to get you to stop asking me about my new year’s resolutions.”

What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails

A series of inappropriate emails I sent to my mother which she has not responded to at all. (This is all totally true, by the way.  That’s what makes it so very awful.  FYI: Lisa is my sister.  Gabi is my niece.  My mother is a saint.) To: Mom Sent: 2:02pm Weird. I can’t evenContinue reading “What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails”

UPDATED! An open letter to the King of Germany who might actually only be a Prince. I didn’t really research it. But we’re at war now so you’ll probably hear about it on the news.

Dear Mr. King of Germany: It has been brought to my attention that your daughter is either impersonating me or mocking me in her royal portrait.  Exhibit A: I’ve been rockin’ this look for years so I can only assume this is an act of aggression on her part.  That’s why this morning I declaredContinue reading “UPDATED! An open letter to the King of Germany who might actually only be a Prince. I didn’t really research it. But we’re at war now so you’ll probably hear about it on the news.”

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