terrible titles – Page 5

It’s like Rattlesnake Round-up except instead of rattlesnakes it’s blog posts. Also, Victor just pointed out that some States don’t even have Rattlesnake Round-up and won’t get the reference. Basically, one day a year everyone goes out and rounds up all the stray rattlesnakes. Pretty self-explanatory. I can only assume that States that don’t do Rattlesnake Round-ups are overrun with snakes. This is why I never leave Texas.

This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t an asshole): Knitted ball warmers. Don’t do it. This week on my mommy blog on the Houston Chronicle, which is usually snarky but this week was so sentimentally pitiful that I had to up my antidepressant dosage: I saidContinue reading “It’s like Rattlesnake Round-up except instead of rattlesnakes it’s blog posts. Also, Victor just pointed out that some States don’t even *have* Rattlesnake Round-up and won’t get the reference. Basically, one day a year everyone goes out and rounds up all the stray rattlesnakes. Pretty self-explanatory. I can only assume that States that don’t do Rattlesnake Round-ups are overrun with snakes. This is why I never leave Texas.”

Happy Vomit Day, y’all

So you know how Google changes up its logo on holidays and historical anniversaries? Like on Halloween they make it look like a ghoul’s dead hand or on Easter they’ll have a bunny hiding in behind it? That’s adorable. But then I saw today’s logo and it looks exactly like what I threw up this weekend.Continue reading “Happy Vomit Day, y’all”

Could I possibly say “probably” any more? I don’t think so.

So this morning I went out to to check on the miraculous boobie mushroom and it was fucking gone. And I was a little upset because I’m pretty sure my neighbor stole it to sell on ebay but I just said a little prayer (in the form of me flipping off my neighbor’s house) thankingContinue reading “Could I possibly say “probably” any more? I don’t think so.”

Fuck Kevin Bacon. (But not in a bad way. Kevin Bacon is fine. This is a conceptual title. Stop yelling at me, Kevin Bacon fans.)

So remember a couple of months ago when I was speaking at a humor panel at Blogher but they scheduled Tim Gunn (from Project Runway) to appear at the exact same time so I demanded that my minions kidnap Tim Gunn and bring him to the humor panel, and then the PR company handling TimContinue reading “Fuck Kevin Bacon. (But not in a bad way. Kevin Bacon is fine. This is a conceptual title. Stop yelling at me, Kevin Bacon fans.)”

Stuff that happened this week

This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t an asshole): I thought I fixed teen pregnancy last week but then it turns out I didn’t scare them enough so I had to go back again this week and fix it even more because your kidsContinue reading “Stuff that happened this week”

Part 1: WHAT THE FUCK, WILLIAM SHATNER?!

So recently I tweeted that I needed William Shatner to come to my house in order to save my marriage. I wasn’t very detailed on the whole thing because honestly these are the kind of personal marital matters that you don’t air on twitter. Then someone pointed out that William Shatner is actually on twitterContinue reading “Part 1: WHAT THE FUCK, WILLIAM SHATNER?!”