terrible titles – Page 9

I bet the trainee ninjas totally practice on the white people first.

My husband, Victor, calling me from Japan: Me: So have you seen any ninjas yet? Victor: Yeah. I saw one in my bathroom yesterday. Me: Fucking amateur. Victor: I hit him in the nose with one of those things you use to put your shoe on. Me: A shoe-horn? Victor: No, one of those longContinue reading “I bet the trainee ninjas totally practice on the white people first.”

Sperm: Apparently squirrels can’t get enough of the stuff

So on my last post I was celebrating the fact that I’m practically the 3,500th best blogger in the world and I got a comment from A Free Man who said: “Can I just say, largely because I’m a pedant, that you misspelled ‘sophomoric’ and I really expect more from the 3,500th best blogger in the world.”Continue reading “Sperm: Apparently squirrels can’t get enough of the stuff”

Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)

Hi. I’m alive. I know, half of you are all “THANK GOD! I’VE BEEN SO WORRIED!” and the other half are all “Big whoop, so am I” and the other half are like “this girl can’t do math” but I’ve been in San Antonio playing the part of a hurricane refugee, which basically means I drinkContinue reading “Hurrication: All I never wanted (updated again)”

To be honest with you I don’t even like dead whores

Fun Fact: In the last month, 25 people have found this blog by googling the phrase: “It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores”. So…you’re welcome? PS. You could replace “Fun Fact” with “I think I’ve found my tribe and sometimes they bewilder the shit out of me” and it would still be true. Also, you people who came here searchingContinue reading “To be honest with you I don’t even like dead whores”

UPDATED: This is a whole post explaining why this post is not funny at all

Remember last year when I wrote that post about mistaking a photo of premature baby feet for delicious raspberry gummi bears and people saw the photo and thought I’d posted a picture of dismembered baby feet and so I had to go back and clarify that the baby was totally fine and I was all “Seriously guys, noContinue reading “UPDATED: This is a whole post explaining why this post is not funny at all”

California Hemp and really important shit at the bottom of this post

You might want to skip these posts for the next few days because they will be even more unintelligible than usual because of spotty internet connections and rampant drunkeness. Arrived in California yesterday to prepare for blogher parties after almost missing our plane because Laura and I were (seriously) too busy getting drunk in theContinue reading “California Hemp and really important shit at the bottom of this post”