To be honest with you I don’t even like dead whores

Fun Fact: In the last month, 25 people have found this blog by googling the phrase:

 “It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores”. 

So…you’re welcome?

PS.  You could replace “Fun Fact” with “I think I’ve found my tribe and sometimes they bewilder the shit out of me” and it would still be true.  Also, you people who came here searching for “cures for my dead dog” are pretty much destined for disappointment.  And also you probably shouldn’t be trusted with dogs.  I mean, I’m not judging you here because lord knows I’m guilty of doing weird shit to dying animals but if you’re the kind of person who thinks I have a cure for “deadness” you are probably the same person who keeps leaving dead animals near my house and it’s disconcerting.  And Victor’s all, “Wow, lots of wild animals getting hit by cars in our neighborhood lately” but I’m pretty sure it’s really some sort of test to see if I will resurrect them.  I won’t, people.  So just, you know, stop asking.  ‘Cause it’s getting kind of weird.

Comment of the day:  For five days in the last month, nobody cared or asked about the dead whores. That’s the real tragedy.  ~Yelocrab

147 thoughts on “To be honest with you I don’t even like dead whores

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Awesome. So, when I am dead and taking my own little Dirt Nap, it is comforting to know that maybe, just maybe you will show me the Love around here. You know, since you have this thing for dead whores and all.

    cagey’s last blog post..Why?

  2. Well, I get “hairless women” and “middle aged couples who have sex” searches fairly regularly.

    Some people in the world are just – not us.

  3. that’s funny as heck i say!

    funny, as HECK!

    remember that woman who cloned her dog? turns out she was on the lam for kidnapping some religious guy, tying him to her bed and committing sex acts upon him. THAT shit is weird.

    piglet’s last blog post..reasons to be jealous of me

  4. I still don’t have a blog of my own. But this post is inspiring me to start one soon. Do you think ”It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores” is too long for a blog title?

    Just wondering.

  5. i got one asking how fairies service trolls. the most disturbing part wasn’t that the perv wanted to know how fairies service trolls, its the believing mythical creatures are REAL.

    Great fucking title. I spewed water all over the screen before i even read the damned post. I was just thinking – great i’m having a shitty night and Jenny might have something to make me feel better. Dead whores did not disappoint.

    You need to move to L.A.

    Gina (@amoxcalli on Twitter)’s last blog post..Call Me Crazy – Cream Puff Crazy

  6. so mine don’t get nearly that exciting:

    “a real goth emo dating site”
    “good word to feel my husband jesus”

    but i do love coming here! great post!

    JRDS’s last blog post..lessons learned

  7. I once had a search string say, “how to have sex with your mom for the first time,” which is really disturbing because Im not sure that I’ve ever put the words sex and mom anywhere near eachother in my entire WEBSITE, let alone published a how to manual.

    esthela’s last blog post..A guy named Mud **UPDATED**

  8. Boo thinks, after having a session on The Resurrection at school by a woman that does not understand Autism and literalness, that you just chuck a rock on someone to make them undead. There goes my plans for a rock garden or a pet rock for him for Christmas.

    But I am not telling you the freaky shit people google to find me, they are MY freakshows! Get your damn own woman!

    Kelley’s last blog post..To Too on your 15th Birthday.

  9. As a newbie blogger, I have yet to be located by any intersting search terms. However, I find it amazing that people google such crazy things. I have worked many a Halloween and Friday the 13th in the pharmacy and am sure some of those people googling dead whores has shown up at least once or twice.

    Collette’s last blog post..2,920 Days

  10. So, I used “*redacted to avoid pervy Google searches that will make me want to throw up*” in a recent post where I would have written “vagina” because I was talking about my daughter’s doctor’s appointment, and no lie TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE hit my site by googling that phrase. Now, I’m pretty sure they read it on my site first and then googled it to see if there was anybody else who used that phrase, but still, why were they so curious about it? And, furthermore, if they already read it on my site why did they click through again???

    But the best search I ever got was “Your wife is doing this to fuck with you Backpacking Dad.” Because my wife is awesome. And I was being a little obsessive one day.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Rez Stories: Bumper Pool

  11. I once mistook two young middle eastern ladies who were staying at the hotel where I work for hookers, so when I blogged about it I titled my post, Sweet! Sexy! Iranian HOOKERS! which turned out to be a brilliantly strategic move because I still get tons of traffic from people looking for Iranian hookers.

    ..but after they spend a few seconds there and discover that they can’t actually order up an Iranian hooker, they leave.. so my bounce rate is still really high.

    RhodesTer’s last blog post..On the town in Palm Springs

  12. I have absolutely no idea what any of you are talkin about. Seriously, I feel like the dumb kid in class who isn’t in on the joke. I know I haven’t been blogging for long, but I really do feel like I’m missing out here.

  13. The search terms I find most intriguing are “temporary sex change” and a whole bunch having to do with Giant Squid… wait just a sec, they are all coming from the same IP – yours!

    OK, you asked for it… Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Let’s Fly!

  14. I just googled “dead hobbit whore needs a dooche,” and guess what came up first. Go on, guess!

  15. My fave for my blog were several google searches for “Where is the secret remote control for my t.v.?”

    WTF? Why would you have a secret remote control and why would google tell you where it was.

    Have you tried to resurrect the dead animals…maybe you are selling yourself short….*snort* KIDDING!!

    domestic extraordinaire’s last blog post..A note from Liz

  16. The irony is that hit comes from you quoting one of your readers from their comment. Since google spiders don’t take comments as content, the only hit comes from you.

    My site seems to have a crazy magnet embedded in its html (strangely, however, you have not visited yet). A sample “keyword” hit from the last 10 days?

    “she rode around and around on her bike that she had just been given for christmas that morning, she had a smile from ear to ear as she remembered writing to father christmas and asking for a new pink bike with a basket on the front for her doll”

    I shit you not; whoever that was wrote a paragraph in the google search box. It landed them on my archive page for April 2007.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..The Failure Of “The Talking Fork”

  17. Lessons for today:

    1) Respect the dead whores (there is a bumber sticker or invitation here somewhere)

    2) Leave your animal dead when it dies and don’t bring it to my neighborhood

    3) For five days in the last month, nobody cared or asked about the dead whores. That’s the real tragedy.

    God bless the dead whores and welcome to the number one dead whore site on the planet.

    Wolverines!

  18. oh wait….I also got “peeing in leiderhosen”.

    Because, you know, all those times we dress up as the Von Trapp family and hang out watching Jackass with too many beers and then we can’t get out of our gear in time.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..Oh, the random

  19. I just started my blog and only have one search engine term on my so far: Evil. Which is sad, because I am also so many other things.

    alex’s last blog post..Baffled

  20. I rarely comment if I’m going to be #50+ (kind of feel sorry for the writer that feels responsible for reading through all of those comments). But this one…

    Anyway – it just goes to show how we’re “not alone” out there. I started my blog thinking that other women (and a few men) that had the same interests would be the people finding me. Then I see keyword searches for “sex pervert” coming out of Thailand. Really makes you think before hitting publish…

    Kate’s last blog post..This is What Crazy Looks Like

  21. I have gotten one “katy sexy baby,” and my blog is on like the 100th page and people actually get there. All I have to say is “Mysterious Google Search SoftwareRobotDemonWhatever-You-Are: Have you actually seen my blog? I know I am totally sexy and I do have a baby, but I don’t discus either on my blog….so how are you searching my brain through the internets?” Scares the heck right out of me.

    Katy’s last blog post..Romans 4-5

  22. I’m so lame. All of mine are somehow related to knitting, except this one:

    “Alligator in Trap Pond”

    Which, when you think of it, is still boring. I need to step it up.

    Karen’s last blog post..More Geek News!

  23. wow, thanks for the tip; I’m adding ‘whore’ to my list of keywords … maybe I’ll spice it up with a few adjectives. let’s see, dirty whore, whore’s pajamas, take it like a whore, you nasty little whore, no whore like a dead whore, i’m your whore, daddy … (um, wait a minute, I think I’m getting in to this a little too much)

    Kimberlee’s last blog post..gratitude.

  24. I haven’t been blogging long so I’ve only gotten one hit through a search, which was “what parenting stands for”.

    which is SO not the case. I’m probably more in with the dead whores and leiderhosen crowd.

    Keely’s last blog post..Road trip!!

  25. You know now that you’ve put the thought in my head…I’m going to look up random weird shit and see where it takes me. It will be like me new hobby.

    Woman you are like my new Yoda and shit. Outstanding. I gotta go now and look up Transvestite anteaters….

    Jenn’s last blog post..Alo My Fine Furry Friend

  26. What the hell is shmeat?

    It’s pretty hard to freak me out, but one time I got ‘babies in utero porn’. I stayed away from the internet for a week, as I recall.

    But that was long ago….I’ve since dropped all pretense of righteous indignance.

  27. And ye shall be known by the company ye keepth…

    or some such stilted pronouncement

    but if it gets me known for hanging around with the likes of y’all, it couldn’t happen to a happier woman. I laugh as hard at the comments as I do at the original Bloggess post, no disrespect intended to dead whores.

    I have a tag “free comedy” and it is so put to shame in this august company that I’m probably going to have to change it to “free (barely) comedy”

    Yours in stomach aching, tears streaming, screen cleaning awe,

    La Framéricaine’s last blog post..A Gift For La Belle-ette Rouge…

  28. It’s like a train wreck… you know you don’t want to look, but you just can’t help yourself. I got found via the search string “i’m through with white boys”. What was really disturbing was when I googled that phrase myself I found out I was #5 on the hit parade.
    But my two most common searches are some combinaiton of the terms “jay leno fritos bag ebay” and people looking for the number of calories in Ricola cough drops. Now I know where all of these originated, but seriously folks have you no lives??

    The one I never did figure out was a guy form Spain who searched for
    “.w.w. defloration .com”
    Man, I bet he was disappointed…

    Mojo’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Dammit!

  29. What about if you buried the dead whores, dead dogs, and roadkill in the Resurrection Cemetary? I don’t know if they’d techincally be considered zombies or just reanimated, but either way it would be interesting to see what happens. If I were you, though, I’d make Victor do it.

  30. So I was thinking…wouldn’t it be hilarious if all these commenters who claim to be leaving dead animals on your doorstep really ARE leaving dead animals on doorsteps, but because they happen to like their pets and don’t really know where you live, they’re stealing neighbors’ pets and killing them and leaving them on random doorsteps in order to write their comments with a clear conscience?

    Or would that just be creepy?

  31. I want to know how to look up my google searches? When I was hosted by wordpress I had pretty good ones. I wonder if that was a line in a movie or something?

  32. My favorite search hit was “severed leg with chain saw” and they found me. I had misspelled severe in one post where I just happened to have mentioned a chain saw. Go figure. All I could do was to say a quick prayer that the poor soul eventually hit upon a search result that offered some sound advice. You know, along the lines of “PUT THE KEYBOARD DOWN AND CALL 911 NOW!”

    Momish’s last blog post..Stranger Than Fiction

  33. My favorite recently is “alleviate inner thigh chafing pain.” I am pretty sure my site is NOT what they were looking for.

    Cara’s last blog post..Really?

  34. This is only the second time I’ve been to your site and the influence you have on me is even more disturbing that the stuff you post.

    These are the things that have occurred to me throughout the day after initially reading this post:
    1. You’ve got to wonder how much the dead ones charge?
    2. It must be one hell of a lazy pimp to be running dead whores.
    3. Those whores are someone’s dead daughters; of course we should have respect for them.
    I was a nice man before I met you. NOW LOOK!
    What have you got to say for yourself?

    Dave Fowler’s last blog post..Playing Tag

  35. As far as I am concerned, Dead is the best place for a dog. But I swear I’m not psycho. And I would TOTALLY never actually kill one. Unless it was pissing all over my carpet and shitting all over my rug. Then I would have it euthenized like my late cat. Still, I SWEAR I’M not a freak. And I would never leave it near your house. On purpose anyway. Seriously, I am extremely NORMAL!

    I’m just not a dog NORMAL person.

    I’ll shut up now.

    KEEP BELIEVING

    Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING’s last blog post..Two for one – depression AND vegetable gardening advice!!!

  36. People usually find my website by searching one of three things

    1. Don’t worry they’re just hatin on you cuz your dope
    2. no where and quiznos
    3. cute sneeze.

    Deidre’s last blog post..Question?

  37. Your tribe is fucking with you.

    And as for trolls and drive-bys? Ignore. Delete. Do not respond. Do not parapharase or write a post based on a really funny insult. Do not give them a forum.

    This advice comes from Gavin DeBecker’s book, The Gift of Fear. He is an expert on dealing with stalkers and rapists and other such dangerous creeps.

    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..listen, its our song OR just another music monday

  38. Ok, WoW. I was introduced to your blog from Writer Dad…And I am glad I subscribed. He is totally correct, you are too funny.

    I mean, who isn’t interested in Dead Whores?

    It’s too bad you can’t resurrect the dead, I do miss some of my pets..

    ~ Jim

    Jim Gaudet’s last blog post..What is my Passion?

  39. It’s too bad you can’t resurrect the dead, Jenny. I sure do miss some of my old, dead whores.

    See how it’s done, Jim? Don’t worry, it’s a rookie mistake.

  40. I have a friend who tries to work “Lolita” into every one of his posts. His traffic has gone way up since he switched to that from “Catcher in the Rye.”

  41. I just found your blog and crap you are freakin funny…the lego thing had me crying funny tears at my desk and now all my co-workers think I have the flu or something because they heard me trying not to laugh which sounds a lot like me hacking up a lung

  42. I am glad that you left and are safely in San Antonio. My prayers are out for your friends, family, and everyone else in your region. I can not believe so many individuals stayed behind. I am even worried about what Ike could do here in the DaFoWo area and I am almost 300 miles inland. Stay safe Jenny!

    Jeremy Martin’s last blog post..Disconcerting conversations and actions…

  43. -This advice comes from Gavin DeBecker’s book, The Gift of Fear. He is an expert on dealing with stalkers and rapists and other such dangerous creeps.

    Oh! I love his book “Protecting the Gift”!! When I saw it on the shelf I thought it was going to make me even more paranoid than I already am. But I knew I had to read it anyway & it was a great book!

  44. Found you thru WhiteTrashMom.com, and although I am not a Mom, some might accuse me of being white trash. Kidding….I hate white trash. I’m a hater. Of white trash. I live in an overpriced yuppie suburb where it is mandatory to drive an overpriced European sedan.

    Your angry Lego cross dresser guy post was the friggin’ most hilarious thing EVER! I read it at work and had to close my office door because I feared my assistant would think I was having a total hysterical breakdown! Funniest blog post ever, especially “My name is Lori?” Oh $hit I am laughing again and now husband thinks I am having a breakdown.

    Kudos to you for your creativity and wit. But one question: When do you bloggers find the time to do what you do??? Do you work? I know, I know…I do not mean to insult, I just don’t “get it”! How do you all have the time to keep up with all the blogs out there to fuel your own audience, and Twitter, and all the other things you do to get your blog out there?

    Where do you find the time???

    P.S. Stay safe in the storm.

  45. That’s funny because I originally found your blog by googling ”It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the BREAD whores” because I like bread and consider myself a bread whore and thought to myself “hey! I bet there are other bread whores out there and I bet they get respect which would be very comforting.” Hehe just kidding. I started reading your blog about the same time I started stalki…uh I mean talking to you. Oh my this is akward.

    Kile’s last blog post..Tuesday Smackdown

  46. I am new here and love it here. Can I stay, please? Not a troll though, hope that is okay. I want you to know that I am a total thief and stole one of your cards. I would like to display it. I will give you total credit, but I gotta, gotta have it.

    Thanks

    Amber’s last blog post..Tell me a story…

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: