this blog cures cancer – Page 4

Nancy W. Kappes is the greatest letter writer ever

Every couple of days I get an email from a woman in Indiana named Nancy W. Kappes and it is the highlight of my entire fucking week. Basically it’s like we’re having a really long weird conversation except I’m not actually talking. Also in my head she sounds exactly like the drag queen from Midnight in the Garden of Good AndContinue reading “Nancy W. Kappes is the greatest letter writer ever”

UPDATED: Obama Fever = better than Dengue Fever, not quite as good as Boogie Fever.

So tomorrow I’m taking off work to go to an inauguration party thrown by Oatmeal. Because when you think of Obama you think of oatmeal. Or something. I don’t really know where the tie-in is. All I know is that my friend Karen got a call from Big Oatmeal telling her to round up her girlfriendsContinue reading “UPDATED: Obama Fever = better than Dengue Fever, not quite as good as Boogie Fever.”

The internet doesn’t even know your grandfather.

So according to Google Analytics, this morning someone found my blog searching for this: Seriously people, I don’t even know what to say anymore. It’s disconcerting. Plus when you google that phrase and click “I’m feeling lucky” google is all “O-o-oh, you want to know about how to beat off a ninja with a Japanese shoe horn” and it goes straight to myContinue reading “The internet doesn’t even *know* your grandfather.”

And now that I think about it, in most of the pictures I’ve seen of aliens they were all smooth down there

So I just woke up and it’s almost 2:00 in the afternoon. I haven’t slept this late since high school and now I’m totally freaked out. I normally wake up at 4am so there is no possible reason that I would sleep this late unless I lost time after being abducted by aliens. Except that I’m not really soreContinue reading “And now that I think about it, in most of the pictures I’ve seen of aliens they were all smooth down there”

Even worse, I actually thought it was spelled “habidasher”.

Recent conversation between me and my coworker DiscoJamboree, who has the horrible job of auditing the tickets to local attractions that we occasionally sell to employees: DJ (huffily throwing himself into one of my chairs): So I just had to send out an email to everyone in our department because none of you are selling tickets correctly. Me: Weird. I was comingContinue reading “Even worse, I actually thought it was spelled “habidasher”.”

My cat is worse than global warming.

Random crap I thought about this morning: I just saw this new rug that’s supposed to help polar bears or something. I don’t really get it but the little 3-D polar bear is supposed to make you realize why global warming sucks and then when people come to your house they see it and they feel bad andContinue reading “My cat is worse than global warming.”