turning into a cat lady – Page 2

EVERY day is Cat Day

Apparently National Cat Day was October 29th and I missed it, so I guess that explains why Ferris Mewler threw up in my shoe. In my defense, it was just World Cat Day in August. Why do cats need so many days? No clue. But to make up for whatever I did to offend the cats I’mContinue reading “EVERY day is Cat Day”

Cats never have to empty the dishwasher

Cats are very lucky because they can hide just about anywhere. I’m sure there are downsides, but it would be nice if when Victor was calling me to show me how I’d loaded the dishwasher wrong again I could just disappear, and then hours later when I showed up I’d be like, “You were calling me?Continue reading “Cats never have to empty the dishwasher”

“CAT WATERBEDS FOR EVERYONE!” (would probably be my catchphrase.)

This week I was contacted about possibly being next year’s Ziploc spokesperson for upcoming new products. They were very sweet and asked what my fees would be if I was selected and so I quickly responded in the most professional way possible by clarifying that if the “new products” they’re offering include home-made waterbeds for cat then I expectContinue reading ““CAT WATERBEDS FOR EVERYONE!” (would probably be my catchphrase.)”

I’m insulted in several ways.

I think most cats technically already have great mustaches, but you just can’t tell because we don’t shave the rest of their bodies, and I think that’s probably very sad for them because they can’t show off their dapper kitty facial hair. Or at least, that was the reason that I gave Victor when heContinue reading “I’m insulted in several ways.”

Hunter S. Thomcat is a traitor. An adorable, fluffy traitor.

Rolly is the kind of cat who will sometimes let you pet her but then will unexpectedly bite you in the eye because it’s Wednesday, and if you try to pick her up SHE WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU. Hunter S. Thomcat takes a slightly different approach…

Yesterday was shitty so today we’re doing cat pictures. Go fuck yourself, yesterday.

Question: What’s the difference between kids during summer vacation and kittens at any time? It’s not a riddle. I just really want to know. PS. Yes, that is Hunter S. Thomcat when he was still Hunter S. Thomkitten. He was very demanding. He still is, but now when he flops down on my neck in theContinue reading “Yesterday was shitty so today we’re doing cat pictures. Go fuck yourself, yesterday.”