The Bloggess

I’ve been a bit off-center (more so than usual) for the past few days and I’m not sure if it’s because of the moon or the world or my brain chemicals but I do know that even people I know who don’t deal with mental illness are feeling weird right now and people I know with mental illness seem to be (like me) manic or depressed or filled with dread and anxiety and want to rip their skin off.

That is very depressing but it’s also comforting because seeing that so many of us are in this low place is a good reminder that the wave will rise again and we will rise with it.  It’s a reminder that not all of the emotions we may be feeling right now are real even if they feel real.  It’s a warning to those of us who may do stupid things when we feel desperate.  It’s a comfort to those who have to deal with us who can assure themselves that we’ll be back to normal soon and that they are saints for dealing with our crazy.  It’s a chance to practice ignoring the lies that your brain tells.

And it’s an opportunity to celebrate the lovely things that help you cope during times like these.  In the comments tell me the things that pull you out of the dark…whether they’re tools or quotes or books or routines.  Just share one.  And then find one in the comments and go do that thing.

Here’s my pulls-me-out-of-the-darkness thing for today:

Podcasts.

There are a million of them so you can find the ones that speak to you but personally I like the ones that tell me a story.  Especially if it’s a true story that takes me out of my head.  When my brain is so broken I can’t concentrate on even reading it’s like someone is reading to me.  And if I can do nothing else I can listen to one with Hailey or be distracted by it until I’m myself again.

Here’s a list of a few of my favorites:

Radiolab
Reply All
The Habitat
Unhappy Hour with Matt Bellassai
My Favorite Murder
Ear Hustle
Dear Hank and John
Every Little Thing
Family Ghosts
Haunted
Star Talk
Heaven’s Gate
Spooked
Criminal
Someone Knows Something
Finding Cleo
The Grift
The Hilarious World of Depression
This American Life
This is actually happening (This one is fascinating but I can’t listen to when I’m in a dark place, so trigger warning)
Done Disappeared (If you listen to true crime podcasts it’s fantastic)
Inside Psycho
Inside The Exorcist
Secrets (from Radiotopia)
Invisiblia
LORE
Love + Radio
Mission to Zyxx
Welcome to NightVale
My Dad Wrote a Porno

If my head was working properly I’d link to all of these but if you look them up you’ll find them.

Your turn.

PS. I don’t have a graphic for this so instead please accept this video of a bat that is SHOCKINGLY adorable.

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How adorable is #Batzilla So happy it's Friday! #clapyourwings

A post shared by @ monkeycat1212 on Sep 30, 2016 at 12:14pm PDT

Whenever I’m stressed out Victor takes me to a no-kill shelter so I can hold cats but he gets bored easily so he does this game where he says totally inappropriate things to me with a completely straight face to see if he can get strangers to either laugh or throw us out and whichever one of us bails on the conversation first loses.

Our most recent visit:

Victor:  My grandma said she’d be reincarnated as a cat but I can’t find her?  Are any of these cats named “meemaw?”  (Pokes at cats)  Meemaw?  Is that you? (Turns to volunteer.)  I’m sorry.  She said she’d be here.

me:  You know “meemaw” wasn’t her given name, right?

Victor: Oh my God, now I’ve got to start all over again.  My mom called her “Mother”.  Mother?  Is that you, mother?

me: Much better.

Victor:  This one looks like a serial pooper.

me:  Why would he poop cereal?

Victor:  No, a SERIAL pooper.  Look.  He keeps pooping outside his litter box.  I will name him Dumpledore.  Ooh – look at this juicy one!  Lots of blood in him.

Me: Is that good?

Victor:  You’re not going to win a cat show with a bloodless cat.

me:  Fair enough.  You know what’s better than one cat?  Two cats.  Can you get a cat stuffed in a cat?  Like a turducken but with just cats?  What’s it called if it’s a cat in a cat?

Victor:  I think it’s called “pregnant”.  Gross.  I want the opposite of that.  Hey, are any of these cats virgins?  It’s not for a sacrifice.  I just don’t want to touch any sullied cats.  HEY, WHERE ARE THEIR WINGS?  WHO TOOK YOUR WINGS, GUYS?  WHY WON’T YOU MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME?  WHO HURT YOU?

me: (coughing to hide my laughter)

Victor:  Is this cat named “Smelly Butthole”?  Because it should be.  Unless…oh wait.  That’s me.  SORRY EVERYBODY,  THAT’S ME.

me:  OH MY GOD YOU WIN.  STOP.

Victor:  I forgot we were playing.

And this is why we stay married.

Related: Apparently I have a thing called “too-many-cats” so I can only pet homeless cats (and stuff donations in their boxes so that we don’t get banned forever) but you totally seem like you need a cat.  These are all available for adoption at San Antonio Pets Alive:

PS.  Clarification: I stuff donations in the donation boxes for the cats.  I do not stuff things in cat’s boxes.  Ew.  Stop it.

I wrote this years ago but it’s still just as valid today.

Today is Mother’s Day, and while I think that being a mom is a crazy-hard job it’s also one that most of us wouldn’t trade for the world, so it’s always been a bit odd to me that we get to be mothers and we also get a day to celebrate it. Not that I’m judging you. Celebrate the hell out of yourself. You deserve it.

But you know who else deserves it? The women who have struggled to be, or are still struggling to be moms. The women who want children but just aren’t in a safe place in life to have them. The women who don’t want kids and have to listen to a bunch of bullshit about how you’re only worthwhile if you’ve pushed a human out of your vagina. The women who miss the children they once had. The women who miss the children they lost before they ever met them. The women who gave up their children so their child could have a better life than they could provide. The women who were raised motherless, or with shitty mothers, or who have lost their mothers and are reminded of how alone they feel. Mother’s Day is a confusing, weird, very-seldom-wrapped-up-with-a-nice-commercial-bow sort of day, and as for me, I salute you all – mothers or not…you’re here. You’re alive. You continue to survive. You are worthwhile and wonderful. Never forget that.

No matter where you are in life, whether you’re a mother or a father or neither or both, take this day to honor the person that you are and the path that you are on.  Because it is worth celebrating.