Happy Valentines Day?

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

Today at Nowhere (if we weren’t still living in the plague years) we would be celebrating Valentine’s Day with a giant display of books wrapped up in paper with a teaser on the cover so you could pick one out and have a blind-date-with-a-book. But since it’s still bookselling-in-the-time-of-contagion I decided that instead I’d wrap up a bunch of lightly damaged books we can’t sell and put them outside for free for anyone who wanted to a surprise book or two and so this week I’ve been wrapping books in brown paper packages tied up with string while humming the Sound of Music but the world is continuing to plot against me because Texas has been hit with a winter storm and I literally skated across my porch taking the dog out because there’s so much ice.

*Sigh*

So today I am rescheduling Valentine’s Day for next Sunday and I am totally allowed to do that because time is meaningless at this point. So, next Sunday it is. Stay safe. And remember that even if you know how to drive in ice the rest of are pretty shit at it so stay off the road if you can.

Next week, my pretties.

But today is Sunday and I’m out of my depression enough that I started taking sponsorships again (whoop!) so that means, WEEKLY WRAP-UP!

********

The this-is-what-I-would-look-like-if-I-was-in-the-Wall-Street-Journal Edition.

Shit you may have missed:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by the lovely book, Chasing Chickens: What to Do When Life After Higher Eduction Doesn’t Go the Way You Planned, by Rachel Neff. (“Rachel Neff’s story of the best-laid plans of doctoral students reminds us all that life offers many paths to success. Her resilience teaches valuable lessons as she struggles with horrendous interviews, dauntingly intense academic documents, and an employer’s seemingly random expectation that she chase literal chickens on New Year’s Eve. Neff’s experience is atypical only in its specific details; many science trainees face obstacles, and Chasing Chickens provides an important reassurance that—though they may feel otherwise on a daily basis—they are competent, they are deserving, and they are not alone.”—Adam Ruben, author of Surviving Your Stupid, Stupid Decision to Go to Grad School.) And University Press of Kansas is offering 30 percent off direct sales of Chasing Chickens through March 31, 2021using code “CHASE” at checkout so you should definitely check that out now.

Lots of little things

in Random Crap

Hi.

How are you?

Weird? Me too.

I have lots of tiny things to talk about but none of them big enough for a real post but I’m also lonely so I figured I’d just write a post about little things as if we were old Victorian penpals. And you can leave any little bits of news in the comments and then I’ll feel like I’m not still stuck at home for the 8 billionth day in a row.

First up, next week I’m going to announce my virtual book tour for BROKEN and I’m both super excited about it (y’all, the moderators for each stop are AMAZING) and extremely worried about it because I’ve never done a virtual book tour and anything different is terrifying to me. Make sure you check back next week because it’s with some of my favorite shops and they’ll all include signed books with entry and you’ll get to go to a wonderful event and support a book store and not even have to leave your house or put on pants.

Also, I signed thousands and thousands of tip-in sheets that will be slipped into books – while watching so many seasons of Call the Midwife that I literally think I could deliver a baby now and also diagnose typhoid fever – so that I could send signed copies to bookshops all over so be sure to check your local bookshop in April. We’re so incredibly lucky at Nowhere to be doing really well (thank you!) but I know a lot of other bookshops are struggling so please spread the love. 🙂 (Tip: If you go to Indiebound it’ll tell you what Independent bookshops are nearby.) Actually, a ton of amazing authors are sending first-edition signed copies to bookshops since they can’t tour so check your favorite store in person or online because there are some amazing signed books out now that are absolute collector’s treasures and make excellent gifts.

Speaking of Nowhere, I always go on Sunday when no one else is there. This Sunday is Valentine’s Day and if it wasn’t all covidy and we were able to actually open our doors to customers we’d be doing a Blind-Date-with-a-Book thing where we wrap books in butcher paper and write a small teaser on the front and you take a chance on love (in the form of a book) but since we aren’t open to people I thought maybe I’d do the same thing except that I’d use the slightly damaged books we can’t sell or the arcs that we’ve read and wrap them up with a teaser and place them outside for free for anyone who wants a nice surprise but the weather here is dreadful and I’m not sure it’ll be better by Sunday so we may have to postpone a week, which literally seems to be the goddam theme for the year. I’ll keep you posted on my instagram if you’re in San Antonio and want to stop by whenever we do it.

One of the things keeping me sane during quarantine is putting together these wooden kits that I’ve been doing forever. (I did a pegasus one online with the Fantastic Strangelings Bookclub and drank each time I fucked up, which ended up being a ridiculous but hilarious time and I’m surprised I was still standing at the end.) I finished this clockwork orrery last week:

(High-five to everyone who responded, “The Great conjunction is at hand!“)

I give away a ton of them but covid is keeping me inside and they were taking over the house so last night I put together a bookshelf ALL BY MYSELF LIKE SOME KIND OF GOD to get them off the table and I’m so proud of this small accomplishment that I have to share it.

(Tip #2: If you want to do these, just google “laser-cut wooden puzzles”. Etsy has lots. Ugears has good ones but I find them a bit hard because I always have to sand the pieces to make them fit. Rokr and Rolife are really good, as are Clockwork Dreams.)

So how are you? What things are going on in your life? How are you keeping sane?

Sending you hugs. I hope you can feel them.

Step into my office.

in Random Crap

It’s Friday! Thank fucking God. So let’s take a quick break so we can visit and I can show you all the instagram posts that I saved for you this week because I thought you needed to see them.

Yes…for you.

Happy weekend, sweet friends.

I wonder if the people on the alternate timeline I fell off are doing better than I am.

in Random Crap

A few days ago Victor was watching How To with John Wilson and this guy started talking about how Stouffer’s Stove Top Stuffing never existed even though he remembered it existing and Victor and I both laughed at him because CLEARLY Stouffer’s Stove Top Stuffing existed because we’d seen a million commercials for it when we were kids but then we looked it and IT NEVER EXISTED.

I mean, Stove Top Stuffing existed but apparently it was always made by Kraft and Stouffer’s never made it. I mentioned on twitter that I have fallen into a parallel timeline where Stouffer’s Stove Top Stuffing never existed and about half of the people were like, “Wtf. It totally did. What is my life?” and a quarter were like, “No, it existed” and sent me a photoshopped image of Stouffer’s Stove Top Stuffing used to illustrate how a ton of us all remember something that never existed and a quarter were like, “Ah, the Mandela Effect. Do you also insist that they were always the Bearnstein Bears rather than the Bearenstain Bears?” AND YES BECAUSE THAT’S HOW IT ALWAYS WAS.

But apparently not. (No seriously, look it up.)

So then Victor found a whole list of Mandela Effect examples (a phenomenon where a shitload of people all believe an event occurred which didn’t) and Victor refused to believe that C3PO had a silver leg and I screamed “WITCHCRAFT” when it was pointed out that the Wicked Queen never said “Mirror, mirror on the wall” and then I had to leave the house to clear my head and when I came back Victor was like, “Remember that cartoon on Captain Kangaroo? (Sings) Well you know my name is...”

And I sang, “-Simon, and the things I draw come true” because that song has been stuck in my head for decades and he was like, “Nope. Edmund. Not Simon. It’s always been Edmund.”

And I was like, “THE HELL YOU SAY” and then I decided that nothing in the world can be trusted again and that all of this is a sign that whatever coma I’ve been in is wearing off. So I whisper-sang it to myself…”Well you know my name is…Edmund?” and frowned in shocked disgust and then Victor was like, “Nah, I’m just fucking with you. It’s Simon. It’s always been Simon” and that’s why I’m filing for divorce.

Edited to add:

Y’all. I give up.

Fantastic Strangelings book club!

in Random Crap

Well hello!

My copy is digital for now so just imagine Dorothy Barker in the background, okay?

If you’re already a member of the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club then you already got an email from me about next month’s book club pick and you already know how giddily excited I am about it. (PS. It is never too late to join and we have spots open right now if you want to be part of a wonderfully bizarre book club that never makes you put pants on.) So today we’re going to open up discussion for January’s book (The Swallowed Man by Edward Carey) on the Fantastic Strangelings Facebook page and on this post in case you’re not a Facebook fan (no rush if you haven’t finished it!) but first I’m going to tell you all about February.

So. February was one of the hardest picks ever because there were SO MANY amazing books out there. I literally whittled it down to 10 books and Elizabeth was like, “What is wrong with you? We can’t send people 10 books” and she is right but also, it was an impossibly hard decision so I went through them all and thought “What if I could only read one of these?” and I realized it had to be The Witch’s Heart by Genevieve Gornichec.

When a banished witch falls in love with the legendary trickster Loki, she risks the wrath of the gods in this moving, subversive debut novel that reimagines Norse mythology.

This book was the perfect mix of heart-ache and hope and it literally made me cry but in a really good way and as soon as I finished it I wanted to erase it from my head so I could read it again for the first time. SO GOOD.

(And you don’t need to be a big fan of Norse Mythology to know what’s going on, in case you’re wondering. Most everything I knew about Loki is from Tom Hiddleston.)

I always pick an optional bonus book for those of you who (like me) need more than one book to get you through the month and so I can highly recommend The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey. Sort of a sci-fi clone thriller but deeper than that. It was like Westworld (except it actually made sense) and at the end I was filled with a million what-if questions.

Do you need more than that? I think maybe you do because THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD FEBRUARY BOOKS AND I WANT TO SHARE THEM ALL. So here are a few that I really loved.

The Girl from the Channel Islands: A WWII Novel by Jenny Lacoat (Fascinating and based on a true story)

The Electric Kingdom by David Arnold (Like if the Walking Dead and Phantom Tollboth had a baby)

The Removed by Brandon Hobson (Heartbreaking and dreamlike.)

In the Garden of Spite: A Novel of the Black Widow of La Porte by Camilla Bruce (for true-crime lovers)

The Kindest Lie by Nancy Johnson (A poignant look at motherhood, race and the American Dream)

My Year Abroad by Change-Rae Lee (This book is weird as hell but I loved it)

Burning Girls and Other Stories by Veronica Schanoes (Two of these stories BLEW ME AWAY. Worth it just for those two alone, in my opinion.)

The Memory Theater by Karin Tidbeck (A folkloric fairytale about the fabric of reality)

PS. If you’re a member of the Fantastic Strangelings check your email for an invitation to a live book-discussion on zoom with Zeyn Joukhadar next month (He wrote our November book, The Thirty Names of Night). I think we’ll also be doing one with Edward Carey sometime soon but no definite dates yet. (We try to put some of them on our youtube channel if you’re an honorary member or miss it.)

My thoughts on The Swallowed Man are in the comments. Happy reading!

PostSecret

in Random Crap

One of the first websites I ever loved was PostSecret. It started about 15 years ago and it still is functioning. People mail in anonymous postcards with their secret confessions and each week a bunch are shared on the website. This week a postcard from Nowhere Bookshop appeared and I’m very glad it wasn’t a murder confession because that seems bad for everyone involved but I thought I’d share it because I’ve seen a lot of people say similar things:

Personally I qualify to get the vaccine early but I’m not getting it because I’m lucky enough to not have to leave the house or be exposed so I’m giving it time so that others that aren’t as lucky can get theirs. That said, if you qualify to get the vaccine now and you get it now, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. If you don’t qualify but have the chance to get the shot because it would be wasted otherwise GET THE SHOT AND DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. If you got the shot because you volunteered to help with immunizations and a side-effect is that they vaccinate you too, TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER AND DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. Different cities have different amounts. Different places have different rules. No one seems to know what the fuck is going on when it comes to distribution and that’s not a surprise because this is a giant project that has a million moving pieces but I will happily get mine whenever I can and I thank everyone else who is getting one because this is how we stop this terrible asshole so that we can go back to the old days when being a recluse was a personal choice and not a normal state of living for everyone.

PS. My normal state of living was not *that* much difference from quarantine but I’m still struggling so it is totally okay if you are too. This is hard and long and I’m not going to make a dick joke right now even though I want to because this is a serious subject and it’s important to recognize that this can take a toll and it’s perfectly okay if your house is a mess and you are living in pajamas and your kid is struggling in school and you aren’t sure if anyone will even recognize you when this is all over. You are not alone. We are all just scraping by. Do things that make you happy as much as you can. Refill your joy. Binge watch Bling Empire and text your friends 90-day finance memes. It’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this.

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